#just learned about period form and sentence form and now im thinking of a bunch of songs thst have variations of those

[tipytap]

BRO WHO WAS GONNA TELL ME ABOUT MELODY FORMS??? SHITS LIFE CHANGING BRO

[luvknow]

under the cut is all 30-ish asks LOL i’ve tagged those who didn’t go on anon!! if i missed anyone, im sorry ;;;;;

1.  I think Lisa's fully thai and pretty sure Yeri (I'm assuming red velvet's) is fully korean, but I completely agree with you about Lana! I don't understand the support for a fully white person in kpop- like why??? Also I think Somi not being supported has to do more with 'oh look this popular girl was on sixteen/produce so lets just hate on her'- doesn't make sense. And your post on asian eyes is soo true!! Like got bullied over 'chinky' eyes but a white person having them is celebrated.

ahhh ok i thought lisa was half because her last name doesn’t sound thai, but i could just be ignorant! and yeri hm does she have a step parent? someone told me her dad was an actor or something but anyways!! and with somi yeah i think it could be that too :/ one time i saw a white person cosplay at this anime convention and they taped their eyes and i................ wanted to die...........LOL

2.  !!! I literally sent another an to someone about this (I don't know if my asks keep getting eaten or if no one wants to respond 😞) but like she's apparently gotten surgery to look more Korean 🙄🙄 however she doesn't look Korean at all in her music video. Also yeah she can kinda sing but it's not anything special at all. Also the dancing.. apparently she's "classically" trained... when I watched her dance I was so confused because I expected more - pt.1 soz /  But it didn't seem like she knew how to follow a simple routine at all. I'm classically trained and it's hard work so to me it's kinda insulting that she thinks she can lie about that??? Maybe she isn't but.. Also this song isn't catchy and the lyrics are ? V questionable. Anyways that my two cents, take it as you will. - pt.2

i hope the surgery thing isn’t true, i won’t believe it until i see evidence or something but......... thassa no.......................................... classically trained sounds like that takes yeeeaarrrss to do, i hope she didn’t lie about that cuz like what’s the point in lying skjdskjd

3.  Kpop is literally for asians.. It's an Asian genre catering to Asian people... Idk why white people decided to come in and why this Lana girl feels the need to debut as an idol. Honestly, kpop for me (as an Asian) was the one place I could go to and be surrounded by other Asians, who appreciate OTHER ASIANS and their music. I'm tired of white people coming in and taking things that don't belong to them... like just go debut in Russia or America if they want to debut so badly...

I FUCKING!!!!! I’m SAYING UGH LIKE I DON’T GET WHY IT HAS TO BE K-POP OUT OF ALL GENRES?????????????? couldn’t she have like.... debuted and then worked with k-pop artists like that’s a collaborative effort on both ends rather than her appropriating ugh i just.......... it does Not make sense.

4.  @miniwaves​ Who is this Lana and why are they letting a fully WHITE person debut in an ASIAN group??? As an Asian I feel very offended, this is something that is important to our culture and something we have that is separate from other countries... but sure go ahead and let someone not of that culture join just because it's "good publicity". Freaking heck...

i think she’s debuting as a soloist, i could be wrong, but even if it was a group i just.... don’t like it and it doesn’t make sense to me and yeah i agree i think it’s insulting to those who have a personal connection as an asian to have someone not asian take advantage of the rise in kpop like this.

5.  okay i looked up lana and watched her live and it was not pretty to see or listen to... as an asian i feel weird seeing a white person in a kpop/asian industry... it's very cringy to watch too...

it’s weird, i think it’s kinda gross, and yeah i bet it’s a lil cringey lol

6.  no offense to lana but i don’t think you’d wanna hear her sing,,,, there’s that one group (z-girls??) with all asians like thai, indonesian, indian, japanese, filipino, but people are mad bc they should classify as kpop bc they’re not korean. but ppl are supporting lana even tho she’s also not korean, because it gives them hope that they can also be kpop idols and be with their oppas

YES Z-GIRLS :(((( WHERE IS THERE ATTENTION?? a colorful group of beautiful ASIAN women trying to make it in an ASIAN industry but you never hear about them why???????? like none of this is fair lmao omfg your last statement Stop.... spill the tea sis...........

7.  as a run-of-the-mill white person... I don’t get why anyone who is white feels the need to perform in kpop or become a kpop artist because they have their own culture/country/industry/ whatever tf that they can make music and perform in?? That’s all music is, really, an industry and I can understand wanting to be involved in some way but just singing in Korean shouldn’t be enough for you to be deemed a “kpop artist”

“run of the mill white person” omg please lol and oooo i think your last statement is very interesting because what really constitutes as a kpop artist these days, especially if the idol is asian but not korean, you know? but yes, thank you for addressing that white people have their own music industry skjdalkjds

8.  YES EXACTLY like i have a Very Chinese name and i didn't start becoming cool with it until i got into exo m because yifan luhan zitao yixing!! so even though i'm into other groups too, exo will always have a special place in my heart. and same, i used to get made fun of for liking kpop but look at us now

that’s beautiful that kpop can really do that and make non-korean asians feel included in some form you know?? i love it!!

9.  everybody gave that alex reid girl TONS of shit for being a black kpop idol when she was in rania, but now that lana has debuted, she gets all of the love and support and i'm just like ????? freaking flabbergasted by this whole thing :'(

i had to look her up, but that’s so unfortunate and unfair that the backlash only happened to someone who was black, but wasn’t as severe for lana like.... pick a side, you either don’t want non-asians in kpop period or you do like don’t be colorist about it.

10. Yours and that last anon's message about being asian resonated so much

i couldn’t remember which one it was LOL but i’m glad you can relate to us!!

11. i'm kinda curious why lana didn't just stay in russia and start her career there instead of coming to korea, learning korean, and having to go through the whole training process when staying in her home country would have been easier but it's like she knows how popular kpop is now worldwide and is trying to profit and get famous off the hard work of the other groups who had to struggle in order to get kpop recognized in other countries but that's just my opinion

i don’t completely agree with the first part, simply because non-korean asians did all the training and learning korean to become a kpop artist rather than staying in china/thailand/america, BUT i fully agree with that last part like so many idols outside the big 3 and other well known companies are struggling right now.......... and then she swoops in and is getting more attention that most groups like ok..

12. @hnlix  i just think it's really funny how some non-asian people really just wanna talk abt how they feel abt having a full white kpop idol & how good it is .... like..... ok lol !!!!!

girl the way i eye rolled............ im pressed LMAO

13.  white people wanna be oppressed so bad lmaoooo

LIKE WHY THO LMAOOO

14. i hate how asian oppression is largely ignored but once we stand up for ourselves we're making a big deal or being sensitive if you're not asian don't tell us how to feel

LMAO omg it’s cuz we’re “submissive & too sensitive” LMAO like no bitch!!!!

15. Any white kpop fan who is trying to tell an Asian how they're supposed to feel about a music genre that is meant for Asians, created by asians, and catered to ASIAN people who go right f*** off

TELL EM SIS

16.  I think Lisa isn't half white just her stepfather is white I believe

AH OK!!! makes a lot of sense!

17. Lol I’m so sorry you’re getting these white Kpop fans coming here acting all oppressed and calling your opinion invalid. I also got a bunch of these yesterday when I voiced out my opinion- lost a bunch of followers but oh well. These are probably the same fans who low key also want to become idols- smh 🤦🏻‍♀️

losing followers over your feelings of oppression is just natural selection at its finest babie, we in dis together!!!!!!!!!!! that last sentence............ spill the tea sis..........

18. All ur saying is that white people dont belong in an Asian industry lmao idk what anon is getting so worked up about. You’re not even making fun of her ur just stating the facts. There’s a difference

thank you like i didn’t say white people deserve to die or that i called her ugly LOL i just don’t want her in this industry!!!!!!!!

19. @jisungs-veterinar  So i know about Rania she's mixed black but not asian. She is very cute and nice and she got into the industry without any type of talent she just liked songwriting and the agency scouted her without audition but things were good and there wasnt hate from what i saw. But Lana is just a white girl who likes kpop and knows how to dance(nothing special believe me)and just barely learned to sing.Just because daddy has money she got here because she appeared in some kshows.She has no right to be here /  Therefore i just wanna say i agree with you and it angers me so much that Lana is here in kpop ALLOWED to be and ugh

i see, well a lot of kpop artists get their songs from other non-asian artists too. i just don’t like the idea of non-asians considered as idols, even rania, but i’m confused cuz some people are saying she got a lot of hate and some are saying she didn’t but regardless it seems like lana is getting some special treatment and it’s not right. but it’s all heresay i suppose idk kasjdlka

20. okay wow that one anon basically saying that whites are being oppressed?? no. im mixed but i’m ridiculously white passing, most people don’t believe me when i tell them that i’m half chinese but once they hear it, all of the asian jokes come out and i’m reduced to the stereotype of one of my heritages. so please anon, be quiet. also it makes total sense for someone to not be for a white person, or any person who isn’t asian that means alex (i think it’s alex) as well and i’m running out of space /  im continuing lmao from that last ask. kpop/jpop/cpop are specific genres of music that originate from these countries and from the people in these countries. it’s one of the very few ways that asians get recognition and now it’s on a global scale that their effort are being seen so no imo i don’t think that non asians should be coming into the industry. if a nonasian wants to be an artist in a pop genre? please stick to just pop and if you want to show appreciation for these languages and -

one drop of blood that isn’t white and ppl reduce you to that thinking you are lower than they are but then once that drop of blood is popping and flourishing they wanna take advantage of that and it’s hurtful ugh!!! AND YES LIKE ASIANS ARE FINALLY GETTING SOME FORM OF RECOGNITION even if it is asian pop it’s a step forward imo like where else do we get recognized by the masses?

21. the thing is white people already have so much representation in western media. kpop is something uniquely asian and i feel like it would sort of ruin it if white people or other races started trying to debut as idols. i don’t know i don’t want to be exclusive or whatever you would call it, but it just doesn’t seem right in my opinion.

i agree!! it’s something that’s unique to asia/asians and by adding non-asians to the mix i feel like it reduces it’s authenticity and dilutes the pop culture to something other than kpop

22. I see where you’re coming from 100%. Like if some white person tried to enter the Mexican industry(?) I’d be like “wtf” too.

LOL thank you for agreeing jashdajh

23. *filipino/dark skinned kpop idol* KpOp iS oNlY fOr AsIaNs nOt FoR anYoNe ElsE *white asian lookin idol* hmm yea we nees the diversity y'all stop being racist 😏

LMAO PLEASE u tell em sis!!!!!!!!!!! the day a filipino makes it into kpop i will cry

24. Why did nobody back up exp edition as much as this chick?? The clowns y'all are 2day.......

LMFAO...................... it’s cuz she’s a girl and i’m sure most of these anons are girls and you know how it goes................................... lana gives them hope KLJDLKSJDSL

25. @virgolix hi mori 🐥 just wanted to join in as well. & i think i see where ur coming from. from my understanding, it has always been hard to for asians to have proper representation in western media. & that must be why a lot of people are having a hard time supporting lana. she (a non-asian) can make her debut in korea, but not it's not so easy vice versa. how many asian pop musicians do we see who are based in america? few & far between. that's why kpop is so valuable to the asian community 💞 -virgolix / also no pressure to answer that mori & if any bit sounded ignorant - please let me know. always willing to learn 🧸 - virgolix

no no you’re not ignorant at all miss neenz!!! i agree, it will be hard for her, and i hope she’s ready for all the hardships that come with being a non-asian in the kpop industry. and yes, asians don’t get many opportunities in the west for entertainment, and when they do show up it’s a great feeling and accomplishment and step forward for us!! for a long long time, kpop idols and kdrama actors were all i had to look up to, and i’m not even korean lol.

26. @jxsng people really be making discourse about this ??? it’s true though — like z girls and z boys ??? where’s the korean media about them ????? and other asian idols too — there’s a reason why there’s usually only chinese japanese and korean idols , but suddenly white people can come in and everyone fine just because ??? wasn’t there black idols who failed in the industry bc of racism in the past ?????

i didn’t know there was a zboys!!! zgirls weren’t my style, but it’s sad lie where is their attention ://// i’m not so sure about the last part? there was this one rapper who was half black half korean tho who got attention at one point but i dont think she made it big..... i cant remember her name!! :(

27. ok so im only here for that one ask talking abt black kpop idols and i might not know all black kpop idols but the one i know who is the first non asian person to debut in kpop, has said it herself that she wasnt opressed in anyway, glorified even. so idk what theyre talking abt? also i dont like lana not bc she debuted in kpop as a white person but bc its obv that she did it w koreaboo intentions? everything abt her screams koreaboo and im just speechless lol

ah that’s interesting!! idk her story tho. that’s what i think about her too, like why..... does she look like she passes for half asian.... but she isn’t.... and it rubs me the wrong way. but i just also don’t like that she’s white...

28. i honestly find it kinda stupid how ppl are treating this situation. i dont like lana but honestly other races being in kpop shouldnt be such a big issue? if a company wants to debut a nonasian person it shouldnt be our issue? i dont think its anything evil. i just dont like lana because she seems to be trying to look and force the idea that she is asian? if a nonasian person will debut in kpop they should at least have a character of their own yk

you give a really interesting point and i think a lot of my feelings DO stem from her looking asian when she’s not, rather than her just being non asian and trying to make it into kpop, but for a very long time i only had kpop idols to really feel like it was ok to be asian and idrk where i’m going with this LOL but idk i still don’t like the idea of non-asians in kpop, etc. so idk. am i ignorant for feeling this way?

29. people will never understand that white ppl can't be oppressed and poc can't b racist towards white ppl, we can discriminate and be Rude but that's It. fans only think about this One white girl trying to make it in an industry where she doesn't rly belong, but looking at this in terms of society as a whole, it Is a problem. when poc have something that belongs to Them, white people always want in.

UGH LIKE i feel like people are thinking that i legitimately hate this one girl and that’s it like no i don’t hate her, i hate that she and everyone who is supporting her don’t understand where people who are affected by this are coming from and it’s like no one is listening............................. 

30.  anon is kinda stupid ngl how r u gonna say we’re being racist to white people it’s not possible 😭😭😭 u guys really want everything don’t u 😭😭😭

LMAAAAAAAOOOOOO  KJFLKSFJ

31. lana is just a big kboo n all the ppl that support her are just wee little kboos in the making

KJDLKSJDSLKJSLDJ LOOOOOL

32. idk what’s going with this whole thing but, you’re totally right, i’m white and white people ARE NOT oppressed. why are people getting salty abt it?

i literally don’t know LMAO LIKE I’M BEING RACIST FOR DEFENDING SOMETHING THAT WHITE PEOPLE ARE TRYNA DIP THEIR FEET IN WHERE I THINK THEY DON’T BELONG????????? ok

33. either way lana is a whole ass kboo and can’t even perform soo

omg i have never watched her but ajksldjalksdjnasdnasnd

[arabellaflynn]

My response to extended periods of stress is to distract myself by cramming new things into my head. I had a terrible semester at college once and front-loaded the entirety of the sci.electronics.repair FAQ into my brain. It wasn't useful at the time, but I can repair the shit out of a VCR now, so I assume I'll use it someday. I am so overloaded I am about to claw my own face off, so naturally I am teaching myself Hebrew. I've been using Duolingo to do it, which is frankly a very bad idea. (I should really be using Ha'Ulpan, which is where you'd typically go for a crash course in Hebrew before emigrating to Israel, but that costs money, so no.) Duolingo is billed as a way to teach yourself a language, which it is not. It is a way to memorize a bunch of interactive flashcards. This might be effective for people who don't care how language works -- which is most people -- but it's awful for people like me, who hang all of their memorization off of a framework of base patterns. Duolingo explains nothing. The "lessons":

Do not teach the alphabet. Hebrew is written in this sort of half-assed abjad, where most but not all vowels are not marked in non-teaching texts, and some but not most unmarked vowels are actually represented by a placeholder Alef. 'Aba' is father and 'ima' is mother, but they are both written Alef-something else-Alef. Look at that and imagine how the vowel change looks totally mental to someone who spells things in a full alphabet. Alef comes out looking like it says about six different things, one of which is nothing.

Do not explain the orthography. There are several pairs of letters in Hebrew that do, or at least can, say the same thing. Tet and Tav both say /t/; Kaf and Qof both say /k/; Yod and Ayin are both sort of /j/ and sort of not; Vav and Bet can both say /v/, although both also have other readings; Samekh is /s/ and Shin can be read that way as well. Some other apparent character pairs are actually the same letter that has a 'sofit' form when it comes at the end of the word, which on the Hebrew keyboard is a different key (as opposed to the Arabic IME, which auto-corrects to the final form when it kerns all the cursive joining). I still have no idea if there is a rule behind Tet vs Tav; Yod vs Ayin and Kaf vs Qof are almost certainly because they once represented different sounds (Yaa vs 'Ayin and Kaa vs Qaf are still separated in Arabic), but I don't have enough context to guess which is likely to be which in Modern Hebrew.

Do not consistently read new vocabulary words out loud. If you're not going to explain the letters to me, the least you can do is read me the word so I can figure it out myself. Of course, it also never explicitly mentions that you read all this right-to-left, which seems like an important note to give when you're using a left-to-right language for instruction. You would think it would be obvious when everything is right-justified, but this is the kind of stuff you shouldn't take for granted when building beginning lessons in anything.

Do not use any nekkudot. A nikkud ("point") is a diacritical mark, mainly underneath the consonant but occasionally beside, inside, or above it, that explicitly indicates ('dagesh') a pronunciation change or ('nikkud') an unwritten vowel. This is how you teach people to read Hebrew, in Hebrew. You use it for small children. Or, if you have any sense, novice adult learners.

Do not explain any grammar. There is no explanation of why "you" is sometimes 'at' and sometimes 'atah'. No explanation of why sometimes the present-tense verb has an '-et' on the end and sometimes doesn't, even when the subject is 'ani' in both cases. (Answer: Hebrew inflects according to gender of both subject and speaker, which seems like a thing that should be noted for anglophones.) You are left to guess at wtf to do with prepositions and particles like Ha, V', Be, Le, and others. 

Do not consistently account for the direction switch of Hebrew input. Firstly, there's no warning that the thing expects you to type in Hebrew; I installed a Hebrew keyboard before I started, but I also have six other keyboard layouts on the phone, because I'm me. If it wants you to type a full sentence, it can get the text running consistently right to left, but there are exercises that want you to fill in just one word, and that breaks it horribly. The words run right-to-left as intended, but they are arranged left-to-right in English order.

Do not listen to its own internal dictionary of synonyms. I have run into this in other languages and it drives me crazy. There are exercises where it asks you to translate a sentence in the target language into English. If you tap 'derech', Duolingo tells you it means a way, a path, or a road. Translating 'derech' as anything other than "way" in the English sentence gets you marked off. If there is some reason why 'Ha'yeled roah derech' could not mean "The boy sees a road" isolated from context, Duolingo does not give it.

I am already cheating by being a linguist who has some idea of how Semitic languages work. My one attempt at an Arabic class was a disaster for non-Arabic-related reasons, but I do know basic things like the idea behind an abjad, handling regular transformations of letter shapes at the end of a word, and how words are constructed by adding vowels/prefixes/suffixes to a triconsonantal root. These would be completely alien to most English speakers. There is a systemic way to accomplish transformations like the one from "(male) child" ('yeled') to "(female) child" ('yaldah') or "children" ('yeldim'), or from the noun "food" ('okel') to the verb for "to eat" ('le'kol'), but it is never actually pointed out.

I also have a living resource who grew up speaking Hebrew and enjoys teaching people things, usually at great length. I can ask the Eccentric all the weird stuff and he'll give me a long, detailed answer, fully 60% of which will have something to do with the original question. Technical grammar questions can be Googled to good effect, but the answers to cultural questions are, at best, unreliable. (Example: "Does Modern Hebrew have regional accents?" Google answer: "Modern Hebrew is very young and spoken in a contained geographic area. While there are some tiny variations in pronunciation and vocabulary, these are so slight it is unlikely a non-native speaker would ever notice them." Answer from actual Israeli person: "Absolutely, remind me next time I see you and I'll do imitations, some of them are hilarious.") [The question of accents is especially pertinent; I am never comfortable in a language until I sound like myself, and since I don't sound like a textbook all the time, this usually means picking a dialect to drop into. My informal Japanese tends to stay Tokyo-standard in grammar but in tone is rather bokukko, for instance. It's marked in speech (although often the actual pronoun boku is used in internet Japanese by female blog authors who don't want to be explicitly female in text), but I am clearly a non-native speaker, and I feel it conveys a proper warning that I am not going to do well by Japanese standards of femininity. There are a few potential accents I could wind up with in Hebrew. American is fairly far down on the list; I'm usually pretty good at not sounding like a Yank. The letter Resh is most universally difficult for non-native speakers. I could probably use the French or German R and be understood (both voiced uvular fricative /ʁ/, the French one higher and more nasalized), but the Resh as given in the only explicit explanation I've found is actually supposed to be a uvular trill /ʀ/, which occurs more towards the hard palate than either of those, and with a rounder sounding chamber behind it. It comes so far forward that it is the closest thing I have ever seen to the theoretically-impossible velar trill. Wikipedia says this is an Ashkenazim thing, which explains why you hear it so much in Yiddish. I would definitely be understood if I used the Arabic alveolar trill /r/, which is noted as a variation common among the Sephardim, but it's also associated with Arabic-speaking refugees, and I feel like that might not be the accent I want if I'm going to be practicing this on Israeli friends. I've no idea which one the Eccentric uses; I gather he has one parent from either tradition and they lived in Jerusalem, so who the fuck knows. It's impossible to pick up from his English. He's made no effort to zero out his accent, but he has had three decades to nail the English retroflex alveolar approximant /ɻ/, and more or less does. Chet is voiced /χ/, and undotted-Khaf is unvoiced /x/, both of which I have.]

An irksome aspect of learning Hebrew is the transliteration system. There isn't one. You notice that my Japanese is italicized and the attempts at Hebrew are in single quotes? This is because the Japanese is brought straight across using a standard Japanese-to-Latin alphabet system used in some textbooks and on the internet. (There are other, more precise systems, but they involve diacritical marks that can't be typed on a pure-ASCII keyboard.) The Hebrew is... uh, approximate. There is no way to unambiguously transcribe Hebrew text in Latin letters that is immediately readable to people whose languages use the Latin alphabet. Duolingo doesn't even try. I type things using the Hebrew IME whenever possible, because I'm trying to learn to spell, but when the Eccentric explains things to me he does it with the regular QWERTY keyboard. It has quirks. Words whose transliteration ends in '-ah', as in the new year's greeting 'shanah tovah', are words that end in He, a letter which normally says /h/ but when word-final represents /a:/ for grammatical reasons. He also consistently writes his Vav as "U'" when it's used as a conjunction, even though it's pronounced /v/. My guess is that this is how it is taught in Israeli schools. There seems to be a system behind it, but it does not make sense unless you also read the original Hebrew.

This is all somehow working anyway, probably because I'm me. I made it to Day 18 of my first ever stab at learning Hebrew before I started scaring up podcasts. It only took me that long because I had to figure out how to search for the word for "Hebrew (language)" in Hebrew, because searching in transliteration gets you nothing. Day 20 I picked up a series of linguistic interviews put out by Leshoniada (לשוניאדה, a word which gave Google Translate shitfits, but which the Eccentric informs me is a portmanteau that comes out something like "Grammar-lympics"). The details escape me completely, because I lack vocabulary, but because Hebrew has a very regular stress pattern (word-final, almost always) individual terms are easy to pick out. Between that and a lot of straight-up imports from Greek, the topic of the first episode was easy to get.

from Blogger https://ift.tt/2JTyn9x via IFTTT -------------------- Enjoy my writing? Consider becoming a Patron, subscribing via Kindle, or just toss a little something in my tip jar. Thanks!

[madigabz]

8-02 Hey baby, I was doing some reading yesterday & earlier today. Wanted to share some stuff just so you can read about some interesting things. Like chanting. It's pretty intriguing to me but idk if you'll like it. I was going to journal before work but I didn't give myself enough time. I slept in bc I didn't sleep the other night lol. My life is a mess but at least I have fun with it. Well I try to anyway. I wish I could have you here to relax and calm me down before work. I get so anxious sometimes about things. Never realized how much shit gets me going..worked up I guess you could say? Not really but I'm just OCD af and always on tip. I took a quarter of an addy bc I wanna study a lot tn. But it gets my heart racing still lol. I can definitely concentrate and focus more bc I truly do have adhd but I think it fucks w that heart murmur i have. Idk I like taking it & smoking too. I was emotional & soooo horny the last couple of days and I started my period i think? It might just be light but that's good! I hate how periods fuck up your hormones and make you so emotional lol. A little hope to not be negative & thinking I can't have kids. Even tho you said you can't bc you've blown in a lot of girls and nothing's happened -.- you're the only bf I've ever felt protective over. I think it's bc you're promiscuous:p. It'd be nice to have a conversation about life and share a bowl w you. Get fucked before work and be in a better mood ;) ughhh I can't wait! Do you remember sending me a pic back in like November I think? It was on our fb mssgs & it makes me wet just thinking about you bending me over the bed D: I was sad this am just in pain from yoga yesterday and I just want to be fit and healthy. Hate that one workout takes a week to not be in excruciating pain. Makes me stick to my diet more tho. Yoga and meditating with you:) Alan you're the best thing that has ever happened to me and I can't wait to be the mother of your babies one day<3 I reread your last letter again. Makes me have a piece of you in the day. Woke up and read it, it gets me through a lot of days. I feel like I can't be as positive as can be if I don't smoke. You've been sober since before New Years... and I'm just so fucking proud of you, dealing with everything the way you have been. I mean it when I say that it has proven to me that you really have grown up and became a man. I know you aren't the person you were 5 yrs ago, a yr ago or even since January... You are still my rock & strength even though you're locked up. Still my reason for my effort in life. Thank you for making me feel like everything is okay. Even if you don't say it all the time, I know you're a hard headed, strong mother fucking person and I'm in love with you. I think I make you a better person and you do the same for me. You're my motivation babe and I thought about that while I was bummin' out earlier. It's why I read your letter :) but when I had that thought "Fast Car" came on and it was like a sign :b not trying to sound gullible and silly but it was like a "relax your shoulders, breathe, you're going to get what you deserve. Everything is going to be okay." It was like I had you pulling me in and reassuring me I'm not kidding. I remember standing in front of the mirror or cooking in the kitchen and you'd wrap your hands around me from behind. God I love you... I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Please don't fuck me over. I gotta get to work:( but it's my ticket to come see you!!! I'll link everything later to this letter... I take pics through out the day and wanna just check in like you're apart of my everyday life. Love you so fucking much!! 4:20 & I think I might play with myself before work(; write later babes:* 8-07 so it's been a couple of days now and I'm sorry I haven't wrote to you. Im doing a bunch of interviews and what not through out the day still. I just got hired at bdubs & it's the closest restaurant to campus so I know I'll make good $!!!! I have a couple interviews this week for nannying & massaging. Things are finally coming together!! We have both weathered the storm and I truly believe we are going to get rewarded for being so positive and understanding our circumstances. I'm at my first day of training at bdubs..I was doing paperwork and I saw that sammi requested to follow me on instagram, I seriously got tears in my eyes. I didn't know if she hated me or not. I told her to call me sometime when she is able to, it has made my whole day! I'm hoping you call tonight but idk what your sanctioned days were. I'm guessing fri-sun but idk..so many meetings and stuff rn I'm trying to stay on top of everything. Irdk how moms do their daily stuff, their husbands stuff, housework, providing/ working, bills, baby, drs, everything! I need to learn how to manage my time better. I wish i could teleport to you & spoon you in your bed tn. Please stay positive about October Alan, it's the only thing I'm holding onto. I hope you like all of the stuff I'm going to share w you. I thought it might make you think a little more hopeful. I've been talking to your mom quite a bit lately, would you want me to ask her to come when I visit the weekend of the 24th? We are about to start touring & what not but I wanted to check in w you. I love you so much Alan<3 -Chanting protects us from negative energies: In the state of meditation the mind is thoughtless. In this state, some negative energy can trouble us. On the other hand, a protective sheath that wards off negative energies is formed around us when we chant.-Nowadays many people practice meditation as a psychological self-improvement technique rather than a tool for spiritual growth. the benefits derived from such meditation are also at a psychological level. Based on the above comparison, for spiritual growth in today’s era, chanting is of greater value. If you already meditate with the intention of achieving spiritual growth, we recommend you complement it with the spiritual practice of chanting.-Om Mani Padme Hum:The two syllables, "padme", meaninglotus, symbolize wisdom. ... Thus the six syllables, "om mani padme hum", mean that in dependence on the practice of a path which is an indivisible union of method and wisdom, you can transform your impure body, speech, and mind into the pure exalted body, speech, and mind of a Buddha"-Lokah Samastah Sukhino Bhavantu mantra: "May all beings everywhere be happy and free, and may the thoughts, words, and actions of my own life contribute in some way to that happiness and to that freedom for all.” *(I used to "pray" or ask the universe everyday to for 'the world get happier and safer each day. & whatever happens to me, I'm able to walk away with a smile on my face' I have said the same thing since I was like around 10 yo.) -You should reach the large bead (or tassel) after 108 repetitions. When you do so, it is traditional to turn the beads around and continue in the opposite direction. Now repeat your mantra silently 108 times, moving one bead at a time, as before. Meditate for a few minutes. Do this by sitting quietly and envisioning your chosen form of the divine within your heart or at the point on your forehead between your eyes. If thoughts come, let them come, but realize that you are not your thoughts, and gently dismiss them.!!!!!!!!*(THIS IS THE BEST SENTENCE I HAVE READ) -Increase the number of mantra repetitions and amount of time in meditation as you have the time and inclination to do so, and are able to do with concentration.You may also repeat your mantra silently throughout the day as often as possible!- Mantra recitation, which is called japa (“muttering”) in Sanskrit, has been an important aspect of Yoga practice since Vedic times. It consists of the repetition of the same mantra, which can be composed of a single syllable (e.g., om) or a string of mantric sounds (e.g., om namah shivaya). As Patanjali reminds us, the yogic path is propelled by practice and dispassion, and significantly, the Sanskrit term for practice—abhyasa—means “repetition.” Through repetition we create either positive or negative habit patterns. Mantra japa produces positive mental tracks, helping us to gradually overcome spiritual darkness. It is a powerful technique for focusing the mind and for harnessing the body/mind’s subtle energies in completing the yogic path of self-transformation. As stated in the concluding chapter of the Kularnava Tantra: “Japa is so-called because it removes the sin accumulated in thousands of lives and because it reveals the Supreme Deity.” The greatest “sin,” of course, is ignorance of our own true nature.-I will put the Law of Least Effort into effect by making a commitment to take the following steps: " 1. I will practice Acceptance. Today I will accept people, situations, circumstances, and events as they occur. I will know that this moment is as it should be, because the whole universe is as it should be. I will not struggle against the whole universe by struggling against this moment. My acceptance is total and complete. I accept things as they are this moment, not as I wish they were. 2. Having accepted things as they are, I will take Responsibility for my situation and for all those events I see as problems. I know that taking responsibility means not blaming anyone or anything for my situation (and this includes myself). I also know that every problem is an opportunity in disguise, and this alertness to opportunities allows me to take this moment and transform it into a greater benefit. 3. Today my awareness will remain established in Defenselessness. I will relinquish the need to defend my point of view, and I will feel no need to persuade others to accept my point of view. I will remain open to all points of view and not be rigidly attached to any one of them."- Least effort is expended when your actions are motivated by love, because nature is held together by the energy of love. When you seek power and control over other people, you waste energy. When you seek money or power for the sake of the ego, you spend energy chasing the illusion of happiness instead of enjoying happiness in the moment. When you seek money for personal gain only, you cut off the flow of energy to yourself, and interfere with the expression of nature's intelligence. But when your actions are motivated by love, there is no waste of energy. When your actions are motivated by love, your energy multiplies and accumulates , and the surplus energy you gather and enjoy can be channeled to create anything that you want, including unlimited wealth.-This leads us to the second component of the Law of Least Effort: responsibility. What does responsibility mean? Responsibility means not blaming anyone or anything for your situation, including yourself. Having accepted this circumstance, this event, this problem, responsibility then means the ability to have a creative response to the situation as it is now. All problems contain the seeds of opportunity, and this awareness allows you to take the moment and transform it to a better situation or thing. Once you do this, every so-called upsetting situation will become an opportunity for the creation of something new and beautiful, and every so-called tormentor or tyrant will become your teacher. Reality is an interpretation. And if you choose to interpret reality in this way, you will have many teachers around you, and many opportunities to evolve. Whenever confronted by a tyrant, tormentor, teacher, friend, or foe (they all mean the same thing) remind yourself, "This moment is as it should be." Whatever relationships you have attracted in your life at this moment are precisely the ones you need in your life at this moment. There is a hidden meaning behind all events, and this hidden meaning is serving your own evolution.-There are three components to the Law of Least Effort: three things you can do to put this principle of "do less and accomplish more" into action. Acceptance simply means that you make a commitment: "Today I will accept people, situations, circumstances, and events as they occur." This means I will know that this moment is as it should be, because the whole universe is as it should be. This moment -- the one you're experiencing right now -- is the culmination of all the moments you have experienced in the past. This moment is as it is because the entire universe is as it is.- If the karma is complete, this will be part of what you release. If it is not, patterns can be reset this month to reflect a higher vibration so that unfinished business and karma can be completed or continued in a way that comes from a place of more love, compassion and forgiveness. This includes self-karma, those deep hard lessons we all came in with this lifetime whether they are physical conditions, emotional or intellectual challenges, or just simply difficult personality traits. Whatever has been anchored through your childhood wounds and imprinting has become part of your patterning. That energetic patterning is your belief system that informs the quantum field around you to manifest certain aspects of your life. Much of this becomes automatic and unconscious until you have an opportunity like we do this month to go within, dig it up, re-evaluate its relevance, and make a change. So, the bottom line is that this is a great month to reset and recreate who you are, what you want to manifest, and how you want to show up in the world. It is going to take work, commitment, discipline and a true willingness to change.- You may also find yourself resurrecting old hobbies or projects or even collaborations with others especially around the arts and music. That garden that you dreamed of planting a few years ago may suddenly manifest because it is the right time. Or that business deal you gave up on will come around again with fresh energy and new insight. Be inspired by the possibilities and be creative in your problem solving and reconfiguring of what runs your physical life. It may be time to retire some aspects and rekindle others. Take a risk and take advantage of what comes your way, always willing for reevaluation and reset.- *(there's a total solar eclipse where the moon blocks the whole sun aug 21st) And speaking of eclipses, even if you are not in an area where they are visible, it would be very very wise to honor them in some way as powerful allies for reset. Try to take time around the eclipses, especially the solar one on the 21st, without interference from your schedule. “We will not actually see the results of what these eclipses have offered us until later in the fall. But you can be sure that if you put the intention into what you want reset, you will get their support.”-When you become defensive, blame others, and do not accept and surrender to the moment, your life meets resistance. Any time you encounter resistance, recognize that if you force the situation, the resistance will only increase. You don't want to stand rigid like a tall oak that cracks and collapses in the storm. Instead, you want to be flexible, like a reed that bends with the storm and survives. Completely desist from defending your point of view. When you have no point to defend, you do not allow the birth of an argument. If you do this consistently -- if you stop fighting and resisting -- you will fully experience the present, which is a gift. Someone once told me, "The past is history, the future is a mystery, and this moment is a gift. That is why this moment is called 'the present'." If you embrace the present and become one with it, and merge with it, you will experience a fire, a glow, a sparkle of ecstasy throbbing in every living sentient being. As you begin to experience this exultation of spirit in everything that is alive, as you become intimate with it, joy will be born within you, and you will drop the terrible burdens and encumbrances of defensiveness, resentment, and hurtfulness. Only then will you become lighthearted, carefree, joyous, and free. In this joyful, simple freedom, you will know without any doubt in your heart that what you want is available to you whenever you want it, because your want will be from the level of happiness, not from the level of anxiety or fear. You do not need to justify; simply declare your intent to yourself, and you will experience fulfillment, delight, joy, freedom, and autonomy in every moment of your life. *Literally, I believe I got you back into my life bc I wanted it so bad. You are proof that you can "get whatever you want bc you want it from the level of your happiness" I knew I would have you back one day honestly, I just had doubt. I knew it even before last April when you told me I couldn't let you go bc you were the one for me. You just had to grow up. I moved to Colorado to let you do that. -research tells us that every thought and emotion creates a chemcial reaction because it immediately changes our neurochemicals that affect our mental, physical and spiritual health,Your mantra should be your own; something that resonates with you and helps you recenter in the moment. Keep in mind that what de-stresses one person may not be calming for another. So stick with what works, even if it’s something as silly as “Hakuna Matata.” How could this 90s mantra not make you smile? Plus — it means no worries ... for the rest of your days.:) “This Too Shall Pass.” While it’s important to live in the present moment, it’s also comforting to remind yourself the stress you’re enduring now is temporary — clear skies are on the horizon.“Make It Work.” Tim Gunn’s power phrase is poignant: Take a deep breath and remember that you’re in control and there’s always a solution. Don't worry be happy(: & ofcourse from bob Marleys song "3 little birds" Don't worry about a thing, Cause every little thing gonna be all right. Singin: don't worry about a thing, Cause every little thing gonna be all right! It's gonna be be alright man. Rise up this mornin, Smiled with the risin sun, Three little birds Pitch by my doorstep Singin sweet songs Of melodies pure and true, Sayin, (this is my message to you-ou-ou:) Singin: don't worry bout a thing, Cause every little thing gonna be all right.Singin: don't worry (dont worry) bout a thing,Cause every little thing gonna be all right! * hope you sang that with a Jamaican accent too :) alright who knows how many stamps this will be but this was the best way for me to show you that I'm thinking about you and doing everything I can to help you be positive & assured. I'm by your side baby. No matter what I'm going to wait for you. 8-08 i love you