#just suction cup that mf

[shiftythrifting]

Ye olde airpod

[starrluvs]

can you please… facesitting but with raiden and kung lao? i’m begginf

𝐑𝐀𝐈𝐃𝐄𝐍 | 𝐊𝐔𝐍𝐆 𝐋𝐀𝐎 + 𝐅𝐀𝐂𝐄𝐒𝐈𝐓𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐆

cw: afab reader, oral (fem receiving), facesitting, established relationship (raiden), rivals or fwb (kung lao), raiden being a sweetheart, kung lao being a cocky mf

wc: 709

a/n: my first anon request eeee tysm <3 !! i've never considered writing for kung lao or raiden before, but this was fun to write! maybe i'll be open to write about more mk men apart from the lin kuei trio... also, requests/asks are open, so come talk to me or send some asks!

𝐑𝐀𝐈𝐃𝐄𝐍

raiden was a sweet man. he was kind, hardworking, humble and open to new opportunities and challenges. so when you told him that you wanted to try sitting on his face, he agreed, telling you that he’d do his best. 

lucky for you, his best was more than enough. raiden was underneath you, listening to all the moans that left your lips while he slowly ran his tongue deep inside your slick walls. the tingling feeling made your toes curl as you whimpered out his name,

the champion hums against your pussy, making you shiver from the jolt of vibrations lingering through your core. you look down at raiden, and the sight of him so willingly smothering himself into you made your cheeks rise in temperature. his eyebrows were knitted close together and his eyes were closed as he was solely focused on bringing you pleasure.

as if he could feel your stare, raiden opens his shining brown eyes and stops what he’s doing for just a quick moment. he was able to see your hair become fizzed and quite messy, but he only let out a small chuckle before asking you if he was doing a good job and if you were feeling good.

his humbleness showing out once again made you smile and reassure him that he was doing an amazing job. upon hearing your answer, raiden wastes no time diving back in, except this time he held onto your waist gently.

you squeal as you feel him flick your clit and leave soft kisses on it before delving his tongue back into your heat. you whimper at the feeling of his wet muscle entering you again and place your smaller hands over his bigger ones that were still planted on your hips.

with your back arched and eyes screwed shut, you continued to yelp and squeal in pleasure. he knew you couldn’t see him, but just the view of his beloved on top of him like this was something to remember forever. 

he’d definitely have to do this more often with you.

𝐊𝐔𝐍𝐆 𝐋𝐀𝐎

unlike raiden, kung lao wasn’t necessarily the most humble man in all the realms. imagine the big game he would talk just to get between your legs– so much speeches about how he would be able to please you better than any of your past sexual partners– even have you cumming for him multiple times… and he wasn't completely wrong about it either.

you had already reached your first orgasm, but kung lao had no intentions of stopping his ministrations on your pussy. his lips suctioned around your overstimulated clit, causing you to try and squirm away from him. your previous orgasm still had you in a daze, and you were sure the monk’s ego had already been stroked at how poorly you were handling yourself above him.

much to your liking, kung lao lets you hover above his face, leaving you out of reach from his mouth. he watches you catch your breath and takes the opportunity to open his mouth and tease you, telling you that he ‘told you so’.

you couldn’t stand it… you couldn't stand that he was right. you couldn't stand his cocky smile that showed off his dimples– but maybe seeing him soaked like this with your juices wasn’t all that bad. with a quick dismissal of his comments, you feel your body come down from its high and sit back down on his face.

this time, his hands fly up to grip your thighs, kneading your soft flesh and urging you to keep grinding on his tongue that was licking up every last drop of your sweet juices. panting and feeling short of breath, you cup the back of his head for support to sit up and compose yourself.

you were able to feel kung lao’s smug grin against your pussy. he knew that he had already won you over with just his tongue. and with the way the motion of your hips started speeding up– practically using his face and tongue for yet another release– confirmed that he officially had you lost in pleasure and he loved it.

you were never gonna hear the end of this once you two were done here.

[sintiva]

babe. BAAABBYYYY SIN!!!! lettuce discuss. einar. please . omfg he reeks of himbo energy and i want HEEEEEMMMMMM JEEHWB I WANNA KISS HIM I WANNA BE HIS PRETTY YOUNG WIFE 🫶🏾 and no tell MEEEE THAT EINAR DONT LOOK SMACK LIKE EREN YEAGER ONLY WITH A STOCKIER BUILD, REDDISH HAIR AND BLUE EYES???? carbon copy !!!!

LIKE HELLOOI EVEN THEIR HAIR STYLED THE EXACT SAME WAY!!! it’s funny bc mappa studios animated both of these shows so ig they were missing their favorite muse 🏃🏽‍♀️🏃🏽‍♀️🏃🏽‍♀️🏃🏽‍♀️🏃🏽‍♀️

*CRACKS FINGERS* had to pull out my laptop to respond to this....

no cause the first thing i said when he popped up was "every anime wanna have eren in that bitch cause he the blueprint", and was like why is eren jaeger on my screen rn, eren better but einar right there wit him!!!!!!!! they nearly got the same amount of strands loose from they shit too1!!!! like mappa you are not fucking slick. if you miss my hubby then just say that

but chileeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee the way this mf had my pussy pulsing in the common area should be a war crime. HE IS SO FUCKING FINE LIKE?????? and his fucking body lord i almost had a stroke, when the dude was feeling his body up and then we got to see the glimpse of the godly physique he had I was creaming, screaming, and writhing. i wanna feel him so bad. AND HE IS A FUCKIng himbo TUH. i jus want to slide my pussy back and forth n his abs like a washboard. the grip my pussy would hold on him is crazy, suction cup coochie is the minimum.

[jackrrabbit]

👀 my dude do you write for Overhaul

Overhaul stans are lowkey polite…you’re like “🥺 👉👈 sensei do you write Overhaul” while everyone else is like “gimme 20 ccs of reader getting piped by Shiggy stat”…not that there’s anything wrong with either.

Also—yes. Look at this mf. I’m drooling. Here are some headcanons (send a request if you want something longer)!

Overhaul x f!Reader headcanons (18+)

Warnings: dom/sub, light yandere, toys

First of all, you know Chisaki is going to dom you. You can see it in the guy’s face. He’s used to giving orders and expects you to follow them immediately and without question. If he tells you strip, you’d better strip. If he tells you bend over, you should be bending over. If he tells you to sit on his lap and grind on him until you cum all over his thigh…well, you get the picture.

Think you can get away with disobeying? Think again. Chisaki gets what he wants, and he’s not going to be patient if you have a hard time coming around. On the other hand, he definitely gets stiff when you say “yes sir” with all that spite in your voice. Maybe a little disobedience is okay…but only if it’s you.

Also, if you’re under the impression that the dom/sub dynamics aren’t going to extend outside of the bedroom, you’re going to be corrected sooner rather than later. There’s absolutely no doubt in his mind that he knows what’s best for you. This world is filthy. If you don’t listen to him, you’re going to get tainted just like everyone else, and there’s no way he’s letting that happen. If that means he has to keep a very close eye on all your habits—including making it impossible for you to drink, do drugs, stay out late, or even forget to drink enough water—that’s just what he’s going to have to do.

Chisaki is almost never naked during sex. You always are. Even if he’s just making you suck him off in his office between meetings, he’ll demand that you strip all the way down. It would almost be clinical except for the way he looks at you, like he wants to eat you alive.

When you complain, he tells you to consider the alternative—would you rather get his cum on your clothes? You’d prefer to walk around with nasty white stains on your panties? Disgusting. Maybe he should teach you a lesson, see if you really like it being all filthy and trying to get back to work when you can still feel your cunt covered in semen. (Although, to be honest…that doesn’t sound so bad to him.)

The only exception to this rule is shower sex. You’re still naked, but so is he. He spends so much time fucking you in the shower that he actually bought one of those suction cup handles so he can get better leverage. It gets kinda out of hand—you feel dirtier coming out of the shower than you did going in, and for Chisaki’s part he’s started getting hard when he smells body wash, which is annoying.

Would be really into toys that play with control. Rappa mentions an AV he watched where the girl was getting wrecked with a remote-control vibrator, and it’s the closest thing you’ve ever seen to Chisaki’s eyes lighting up. Next thing you know, you’ve got a bullet taped to your clit and the remote is in Chisaki’s hand while you and the entire Shie Hassaikai are in a meeting.

God help you if you try to excuse yourself—he’ll come right out after you and fuck you silly as a punishment “because you weren’t listening” (although both of you know it’s really because you looked so lewd trying to press your thighs together and stifle your moans in the meeting, while he turned the vibrator dial up…and up…and up…)

Speaking of fucking you, he prefers long, slow strokes and he takes his time whenever he can. It’s not “good sex” unless he can feel every single bit of your insides squeezing down on him. He likes standing sex positions (less contact with surfaces that will need to be sanitized) and is easily strong enough to hold you up when your knees get weak.

Chisaki gets really into edging and orgasm denial, bringing you right up to your peak over and over and then pulling out or taking his (latex-gloved) fingers away from your clit, until you beg him, half-crying, to finish you off. If you don’t feel like you’re going to lose your fucking mind because you need it so bad, you don’t get to cum.

Chisaki doesn’t like the way condoms feel but also doesn’t like the mess of not using one. The solution? He finishes in your mouth almost every time. Sometimes he can’t control himself though and he cums inside, but on the other hand…better that it’s him defiling you than anything else.

[furby-organist]

// relationship headcanon that no longer applies since local Alastor doesn't date anymore & doesn't get a (non-alternate) break from touch aversion postmortem:

this mf tactile as hell. rip to his exes who dealt w his ass just. sitting on them. wrapping his limbs around them like a koala to a tree and just staying there, rendering them immobile. leaning on them. playing with their hair n holding their hand n clinging to them while they're trying to get stuff done. etc etc. sees u and cuddles n smooches on sight. you tryna get work done? good luck bish. he's what we call in french a human suction cup.

[onyxoverride]

I TOO AM A NONBINARY (well genfluid) IN LOVE WITH GENERAL CROSS. SIZE KINK GO BRRRR TITLE KINK GO BRRR AUTHORITY KINK GO BRRR

mornings after sex i wanna brush his hair and take a hot bath with him <3 before he obliterates my 😿😿

RIGHT RIGHT nonbinary spectrum unite 😎👊 I mostly identify with agender I think but I just stick with "I don't identify as a man or a woman." So I don't have to explain myself all the time.

[minors dni (18+)]

He's got to be a good coochie destroyer too. Like how can he not be?

This man's is 6'4 its always the tall mf I end up liking liking accident, I don't like Miche from AoT bc he's tall or General Cross bc he's tall I end up finding their height like THIS. I just looked it up.

Riding him while he smokes and grasps your hips, staying inside you until the sun rises.

Call him "sir" while in bed and he's all over it.

Sleeping in and then finally getting up to take a bath together. Sure you clean each other, laying against his back but eventually you're turning around to get on his dick again. You're too tired to move much from last night's activities but it's a comforting feeling, warm water around you, warm cock inside you, he's wrapping his arms around you and pulling your chest closer to his. So intimate. Only small rolls of hips and kisses shared between the two of you.

(Ik these are the same pics I used last time but he's just so dreamy)

the reality of bathtub sex/masturbation is that it'll suction cup in your vagina which isn't fun but whatever it's fiction

[gotmetalkinginmysleep]

BTS Full Set Reactions/Kink List: Porn Habits

Ask: 

sweet-teeth-mfs said: BTS FULL SET Reactions/Kinks List: BTS & Porn Habits 🥴🔪🔥

Warnings: If you haven’t guessed it, this post will be discussing porn habits so will contain sexual references.

A/N: This is my first ever reactions post so I hope I do this justice. I’ve been reading from all of the blogs I know who do reactions well, so let’s put this to the test. 

Let’s start with our leader.

Kim Namjoon.

He has unashamedly been open with his porn habits, including using his Dad’s ID to access such sites when he was underage (I mean who doesn’t?). And let’s be honest, there’s nothing to be ashamed of either. Porn is porn. Everyone has their own tastes or levels and therefore, everyone watches or reads it in some way.

So what would he watch? TBH, I racked my brain for a while with this one and there’s only one answer I can think of. 

ANYTHING and EVERYTHING. He’s been watching it since 2nd Grade so he must have quite the collection by now. There’s only one limitation for Joon, Hentai would be a hard fap for him. 

Joon likes to see everything and have an element of powerplay, so anything with a POV angle would be perfect. I think he’d watch porn from anywhere and he’d watch it at anytime or place. He would openly share his porn stash with the other members if they asked (except the personal collection he’s filmed for himself). 

He’d watch it with you too, paying attention to what you liked and disliked, almost using it as research for his session with you later. Would definitely film his own stuff but from his POV so he can watch it later, making sure to keep your face out of it. Not because he wouldn’t like it, but he’d be concerned he’d accidentally saved it to the shared folder.

Joon would be more than happy to send content to you too. Once he knows what you like, he’d film for you just as much as you do for him. When sending Joon video, be sure to call his name or call him ‘Daddy’. He loves that.

Kim Seokjin.

Jin being the eldest of the group has certainly figured out a few things about what he likes and dislikes. He would’ve also figured the best way to sneak in a session without being caught out.

Jin prefers to watch in complete privacy and when at the dorm, would leave his room to use the locked bathroom instead. He’d also take his headphones to ensure he could hear the moans. He’s very visual (and if into women) definitely a breast man. They don’t need to be massive, just feature a lot and although 99.9% of men love a cum shot to the face, I think Jin would prefer one to the tits. 

He also prefers to watch something from the DOMs angle. Not pain or abusive in any way, but something that demonstrates a more domineering side that he can relate to. He wants the other person to succumb to his charms and his porn would need to do the same.

Jin wouldn’t film with you but would ask for some Facetime while he was away, specifically so he could see your face and the shapes it would make when you cum.

Min Yoongi.

Yoongi would normally be typecast into some really dark stuff. However, I gave this some more thought as there’s more than meets the eye.

Yoongi loves sound and would ask you to send recordings he could listen to while in the Genius Studio. But don’t fake it, he would know and hates overelaborate screamy ‘porn sex’. It would be a rare opportunity for him to watch videos so ASMR is perfect for him. Just playing it on his headphones and everyone would fully believe he’s working on something. 

When it comes to visuals, he would definitely prefer to have videos sent to him than searching online. However, he’d have a personal stash that he’s filmed when you’ve been together of his hands and tongue doing things to you. He’d actually send these to you along with a message like, “wishing I could do this to you right now”.

Yoongi would purposefully film with you for when he’s away, ensuring he’s got you spread and shining over his cock or taking you from behind so he’s got your ass in shot. 

He NEEDS to see and hear everything so when you send him a picture or a quick video of you playing with the toy he bought you, make sure to spread for him showing how wet you are and display your slick covered fingers to the camera. Also, tell him how much you need him instead of your fingers or toy.

Jung Hoseok.

Did someone call for Daddy? Yes, Hobi loves his stash but actually prefers to find something new each time. He’s very open to new things and would probably try everything once, but as soon as he sees something he doesn’t like, he’ll find something from his collection. 

He’s definitely a curves man, would prefer to watch something with more movement and rhythm. The person at the centre of all of this would need to have a sexy vibe more than a distinct feature. Would totally follow the same porn star once he found one he liked and would watch anything from that person, even the masturbation films, which are probably his favourite.

But there’s one very important factor. Unlike most guys, Hobi doesn’t like cumshots. He would much prefer to watch someone take a load in their mouth, display and swallow so he can see it slide down their throat. Therefore, would totally film you sucking him off to watch back later.

If you’re sending him something while away, he would love to watch you get off. Use your toys, get the suction cup to stick it to the floor and play for the camera Bish. He’d want to see you wind and grind on that thing.

Park Jimin.

Ok, this one was fun because most of the web sees Jimin as this cute little angel (Which he is... sometimes) but he totally isn’t 100% angel. His dirty mind could write some serious fanfics which brings me onto his porn.

Jimin likes to be able to relate to real couples and would most likely read erotica so he can imagine everything in his head. Most likely to frequent Wattpad and AO3 on a regular basis. He’s not into anything overly romanticised, he’d be more 50 Shades than Mills and Boon, but when it comes to visuals, he prefers homemade content with real couples. Not just any old homemade content, he’s looking for the gagged and bound section for when his inner DOM needs power.

As a result, he would totally film his own DOM stuff and not just with his mobile phone in hand. He’d have it on the bedside table or at the end of the bed so he can go hands-free, slapping your ass or pulling on your leash throughout. Jimin would want your cum face in full view so he can recall the feeling of you tight around him. He’d even edit the sections together so he’d have snippets he can refer back to rather than the whole session. 

When it comes to sending Jimin something to take a load off, send him a masturbation video praising him to the ends of the Earth when he’s feeling DOM. Tell him how good he feels and how your fingers aren’t enough.

For is inner SUB, you need your ASMR skills because he wants to be hands-free. Record some audio for him to listen through his headphones, moan for him but with stern instructions, tell him he’s been bad (or good) and when he’s allowed to cum. It’ll keep him going for days.

Kim Taehyung.

*Cracks fingers* - KIM TAEHYUNG … *tsk tsk tsk* - where do I even begin with him? Shall we start from the light to the dark?

Tae needs some plot. A little bit of backstory. I’m not saying he’s after something like overly romanticised, but something a bit “Eyes Wide Shut” or “Secretary” would totally shuttle his cock. Would regularly watch international porn so he can get lost in the language, especially French or Portuguese which sounds erotic in its own right. Anything that includes plenty of foreplay and shows the main character writhing to meet hip to hip gets him going.

Oh, why did I say “Secretary”, yes, because Tae likes it dirty and would be open to the more quirky aspects of porn. Powerplay to the point she pisses at the desk? Yes, total turn on. It’s not the physical act, it is the meaning behind it. The power that’s portrayed in the DOM and the loyal submission that’s apparent from her. So whether he’s watching anime or something dark, don’t just take it at face value. 

Tae would be open to filming yourselves if you are. He’d get really into the role, discussing boundaries and buying something special for the main event. He’d even set up the room with lighting and get you in the mood beforehand, so it’ll feel very art house. You’d both watch it together and alone, but he’d love to sext you on the regular while away.

Jeon Jungkook.

Be warned. To me, Gguk is a little Antonie de Caunes (search Eurotrash TV Show if you don’t know who that is) so this is going to be a little bit fun!

Jungkook idolises Joon, so I think he’d totally steal his stash on the regular. Sheepily asking, “got anything new?” when the hard drive is shared for his alone time. Loves everything and tries everything once. If he likes it, he’d want to try it out too. It’s actually easier to recall what he doesn’t like, which is nothing!

Seriously nothing is out of bounds for him. Girl on girl action, hell yes! Big titties? *motorboats* Anime, yeah why not? Fake taxi? Yeah, sure. We’re talking full on cheese, but interestingly, he’d watch this with Tae and Jimin for fun and not to get off. It would be like watching their own version of Eurotrash! 

However, when it gets a little too much for everyone, they’d slink off separately and get the good stuff.

Gguk would find the masturbation videos to watch on his own and he’d prefer these than anything else. However, he does like to film his own POV when he’s with you. He is GCF of course. 

He’d film when he’s both DOM and SUB but most importantly would want a new film every time he goes away. He’d film you riding his cock when you’re on top, your hands on his chest as you whip your head back all while he’s calling you Noona. But, he’d also film when you’re spread beneath him, begging to be taken by Daddy.

[yoonstanha]

AAC2017 DAY 2 AND DAY 3

i got too busy to post this last night so here !!! it is day 2 and day 3

Day 2: Make 3 questions and tag 3 blogs.

questions from @moon-hyuks

1. Switch around the colors of the astro members!! Who’s who and why?

OK BUT HIGHKEY I   !!!!!! LOVE ALL OF THE COLOURS THEY HAVE RN AND THINK THEY WORK RLLY WELL WITH THEM ??????? if i were to switch them i dont think itd be for the better at all but i have some colour alternatives (so not switched around but just,,,, changed completely):

sanha: a light pink ??? light pinks just remind me of cute and bright stuff and wowie thats sanha to a tee

minhyuk: a nice dull purple i think could suit rocky well ??? i guess its kinda similar to his current colour but i think cool tones suit him well

bin: none lol i think that bright red suits him wellll

dongmin: maybe white ???? i know its not an exciting colour but i associate it with cleanliness and being organised i guess ??? 

jinwoo: light pastel blues because i think he looks great in them

myungjun: AGAIN THIS IS JUST LIKE PURELY FASHION BASED BUT MYUNGJUN PULLS OFF THAT MUSTARDY YELLOW PERFECTLY

2. If you could only listen to three astro songs on repeat for the rest of your life which would they be?

baby

cotton candy

innocent love

i tried to get as much variation as possible becAUSE IF IM LSITENING TO THE SAME SONGS OVER AND OVER IM GNNA WANT SOME CHANGE but i def think baby and cotton candy are 2 of my favourite songs right now ??? like i love how the sound of cotton candy is so diverse like the chorus is so light and fluffy feeling but then the rap parts are like a lot harsher and dense ?? i guess so ive been rlly into it lately and baby i like simply just because its the style of music i like ? yeyeye im just super into it

3. What’s the best astro pump up jam in your opinion?

oH NO THIS IS SO HARD BECAUSE U COULD PLAY LITERALLY ANY ASTRO SONG INCL BALLADS AND ID GET SO PUMPED UP BUt uumumumummum i think it is cotton candy for me just because of those rap parts like theyre just so !!!!!!! i can get down

questions from @minnyhyuk​

1. Favourite choreography done by Rocky?

um w/ all the new choreo from astroad im not exactly sure what’s rockys and what’s not but ???? mY STYLE O MF GFSVGHKLMW th e dance break in the mix that they had and that mix in general was so !!!!! but if we cant count that then i rLLY LOVE MORNING CALL the dance is so cute and i jsut :,,(

2. Favourite era that they have done so far?

um this is my fav era so far summer vibes a close second. i was really happy when they brought back the refreshing feel after shouldve held on because !! its rlly what brought me into astro and what i’ve loved about them most

3. Who would you pick as your friend/sibling or lover?

bEST FRIEND MYUNGJUN ALL THE WAY ??????? SIGN ME  UP    ??????????????????? thank u thank u im down 8 yr age gap who idc i can get along w/ him

questions from @moonbeams-and-sanshine​

1. Pineapple on pizza or no?

um its def not my no1 choice of pizza (theres like AT LEAST  5 other choices above that) but if its the only choice ill eat it

2. What food could you never, ever try?

um i talked abt this to my classmate but i said thered be no food i wouldnt try but then i said “maybe like,, a live animal” and she started talking abt live squid/octopus or w/e and said how they can get like stuck in ur throat because of the suction cups or something i doNT KNOW BUT IT SCARED ME so i guess im never trying live octopus

3. Mint chocolate or salted caramel? 

um probs mint chocolate

my 3 questions: 

if you could travel to one place with your bias, where would it be?

what is one book/movie/show/other character that really reminded u of an astro member

what colour(s) (other than vivid plum and space violet) do you associate with astro?

tagging (but i dont rlly expect u guys to do it since !! i am late afterall) @moonbeams-and-sanshine , @minnyhyuk , @moon-hyuks       um what do u mean i just tagged the ppl that tagged me i tOTALLY DIDNT UM

Day 3: Confession! Compliment your bias wrecker

aLRIGHTY WHERE DO I EVEN START W/ KIM MYUNGJUN holy holy ohoyly hes such a wonderful person tht i wanna hold and tell him hes wonderful. first of all lets address the elephant in the room hIS LEGS ????????????? alright thats it next is his vOICE AND HIS HONEY VOCALS UMMMMMMMMMMMMM JUST THE SOUND OF HIM SINGING MELTS MY HEART INTO GOOEY MESS HES MAIN SINGER FOR A R E A S O N. my no1 dream is for him to record an album just ffull of lulabies that i can fall asleep to because he voice is the most smoothing thing ever it makes me sob :((((( NEXT THING ABT MYUNGJUN ok um his 100% confidence in himself like hi yes mj ur melanin is poppin and u kno it dont let anyone else tell u otherwise and ur belly ??????????? gods finest creation. mj knows hes a gorgeous baby and im glad beCAUSE HE KNOWS THE ABSOLUTE RAW TRUTH LIke who needs height who needs abs ummmymymymmmm,,,,,, not the kim myungjun that for sure

[ecotone99]

[MF] Nosedive

Emma was up in the air about her position up in the air.

Being a flight attendant just wasn’t all it was cracked up to be. It was no longer the glory days of the classy Pan-Am stewardess, adorned in her robin blue dress and cap, long legs and aura of elegance. There was no more mingling with wealthy jetsetters in those luxury liners in the sky, those flying spectacles of glitz and glamour, jetting off to the globe’s most exotic locales. Now it was all about waiting on the impatient masses. The ever-impatient masses.

“Just a second!” Emma hissed. The fat man in 36C was trying to monopolize her attention again. He leaned back on his neck pillow, folds of sweaty red flesh billowing out the sides. Earbuds in, he snapped his fingers above his head as if the plane would nosedive straight into the ocean if she didn’t come serve him. Right. That. Moment.

She clamoured past Margaret, her near-octogenarian co-worker. Fifty years and a hundred pounds ago, Margaret could’ve been one of those glamorous Pan-Am girls that a young Emma had pictured in her dreams. Margaret pushed a clunky metal service cart, loaded with reanimated frozen food (“chicken or pasta?”, the modern attendant’s catchphrase). Her oversized rear-end nearly sent Emma tumbling into a row of French businessmen, pattering away on laptops.

“Sorry love” Margaret purred. Her rosy cheeks and sweet old lady demeanour masked her gross incompetence. Emma liked her slightly better than the other attendants though, a bunch of middle-aged chain-smokers with skin like leather. And Craig.

Cursing her life choices, she finally reached the fat man, who resembled a raging toddler. He was watching some lame action movie, Tom Cruise sprinting across the miniscule screen as a hoard of thugs and dead pixels closed in.

“Yes sir?” Emma asked in her customer service voice. Despite her extreme disdain, her paycheque mandated that she attempt to remain pleasant.

The man swished something around in his cheeks, and proceeded to spit a chunk of half-chewed food into the plastic platter on his tray-table. It was flanked by a small cup of water, a roll from the Middle Ages, and something the airline deemed a ‘brownie’.

“I ordered the pasta.”

“And what is that?

“It’s chicken!”

Dammit Margaret. Emma wearily glanced around. Margaret was headed into first-class, backside squeezing down the cabin, begging for a hard kick. There were rows of seat-backs and human scalps as far as the eye could see. She didn’t like breathing the same recycled air as these people. Only one thing to do.

“Craig!” she called out. Craig, the only other attendant her age, spun around, spilling a stream of orange juice across the lap of the woman with the sleep-mask he was serving. Craig had always had a massive crush on Emma, mainly because there as no one else to really have a crush on. He was kind of cute, as one would describe a puppy or a small squirrel as cute, with a soft baby-face and patches of adult acne.

“You got any more pastas?”

Craig fumbled through his cart, unsheathing a tray of regurgitated dogfood with steam-soaked plastic wrap over the top. He tossed in some packaged utensils.

“My lady” he cooed, passing it over the passengers’ heads between them.

“Thanks” Emma muttered, cringing.

“Don’t mention it!” Craig said excitedly. “I’ve got so many pastas. And chickens. And pastas. And chickens. And vegetarian pastas. And…”

Emma smiled at him, and he visibly swooned. That did the trick. She placed the new meal atop the fat man’s tray-table.

“There you go, one pasta.” She resisted the urge to add your majesty.

The man poked at a congealed glob of tomato sauce with his fork. “How long til Paris?” he sneered.

Emma glanced at her watch. “Just a couple hours.” The man could’ve easily looked at the virtual map on his TV. One of the few conveniences of modern air travel.

He grunted.

“Are you traveling with your wife?” Emma asked, mistakenly advancing the conversation. An equally-obese woman pooled in the seat beside him, dead asleep, slobber leaking from an open jaw. She wore a football jersey and Cheetos dust.

“Yeah” he sighed. “It’s our anniversary trip. She always wanted to go to Paris.”

“And what are you most excited to see? The Eiffel Tower? Notre Dame?”

“Euro Disney” he answered. “I’m gonna try to give her the slip in Frontierland.”

Emma nodded with the most plastic smile she could muster. Thankfully, she was pulled away by the monotone ding of a ‘call attendant’ button a few rows down. In fact, there were multiple ‘call attendant’ dings, an entire ear-piercing symphony. Emma shuffled down the fuselage to find an exasperated mother in a middle seat, yelling with a strained voice, two shrieking gremlins darting around her. They slipped through her arms whenever she attempted to snatch one. Deep crayon strokes were embedded in the seat-back. The old man in front of them, nose in the latest Dan Brown atrocity, was growing more agitated with each kick and jab.

“Uh, hi” Emma muttered, with a quick wave.

“Sorry, sorry, look, I didn’t press it, they’re just…” the mother started. A gremlin resumed spamming the ‘call attendant’ button, the ding blaring, the little light flickering. “JASON! STOP PRESSING THAT! YOU’RE WASTING THE NICE LADY’S TIME!”

“Shhh!” hissed the old man from ahead.

“Emma! Emma!”

What now? Emma spun around from one train-wreck to the next. Margaret stood at the border with business class, leaning out the iron curtain, trying to get her attention. Emma swallowed her wits and hurried forward, vaulting over a pair of bare legs stretched across the aisle.

“What Margaret?”

“We’ve got a teeny bit of a problem up here, love” Margaret explained. “8B brought a chihuahua in her handbag. Very adorable of course. But he seems to have gotten loose and had a little tinkle on the floor- the chihuahua that is, not the passenger.” She glanced back behind her. “A wee more than a tinkle I’m afraid.”

“…And?”

“And it’s my break time. I was hoping you could be a dear and swab it up?” Margaret tossed a roll of paper towel, which Emma caught before she could react. “Thanks love!”

Looking at the paper towel, Emma felt something that certainly wasn’t job satisfaction bubble up inside her, pushing towards the surface. She swallowed it with a few deep breaths before slipping into the nearby lavatory, flicking it locked, and taking a seat on the closed high-suction toilet. She turned and looked at herself in the mirror, stained with God-knows-what. Heavy bags hung beneath her eyes. Leaning closer, she could even make out a few faint wrinkles, commencing their journey across her cheeks. Her lips throbbed from fake-smiling. Was this really what she wanted to do with her life? A glorified babysitter stuck on a Transatlantic tube, at the beck and call of every ridiculous tourist and their nonsensical demands? She briefly wondered if any Pan-Am girls had ever stooped to scrubbing up chihuahua piss. Probably not. Too classy. Emma fantasized about storming into her manager’s office once she finally made it home, slamming a big fat resignation letter on her desk. Maybe this would be her final flight after all.

As she soaked in her fantasy, she was interrupted by a sudden jolt. More than a jolt really. All at once the plane lurched abruptly sideways, sending Emma crashing into the sink, knocking the wind out of her. Just as she started to get up, smoothing the front of her stewardess uniform, there was a sudden thrash the other way, knocking her over the toilet, her knee bashing on the side. The lights flickered with a questionable buzz.

Pushing out the lavatory, Emma came upon utter chaos.

“Uh, this is your captain speaking, you may’ve noticed that we’ve hit a wave of turbulence” came Captain Ronaldo’s voice over the static-y intercom. “Should hopefully clear in a few minutes, but the seatbelt sign has been turned on and oxygen masks have been deployed for your safety. Please direct any questions to a member of our cabin crew.”

Nope!

Ignoring the prehistoric-sounding mess in the cabin as passengers scrambled for their masks- biting, clawing, kicking small children- Emma ducked into the galley where Margaret and Craig were already seated. She tugged on her dangling mask from overhead, her steady breaths soon inflating the small bag at the end.

Craig, his bag widening at a much faster rate, gripped her arm. She carefully pried him off like an unwanted Band-Aid.

“We’re going down…we’re going down…” he gasped between breaths.

“Oh, don’t worry love, we have Captain Ronaldo at the helm!” Margaret cheerily exclaimed. “This will be over in a few minutes! Everything is going to be fine, tip-top, we…OH SHITTTTTT!”

The plane plunged suddenly downward. Turbines screamed as it collapsed into a dizzying spiral, dropping hundreds of feet per second, the icy black waters of the mid-Atlantic rising to meet it.

Emma lurched forward, body straining against the seatbelt, clinging with white knuckles to the edge of her chair. She glanced around. Time seemed to have stopped. A coffee pot, knocked from the adjacent counter, hung in mid-air, a ribbon of black decaf floating out the lid, like something out of the space station.

This was how it ended, she supposed. Trapped in a plane with all these stupid people, Margaret and Craig her seatmates for eternity, no legacy but a name on a forgotten memorial plaque on a blustery seaside somewhere. She should’ve quit while she had the chance. Lived a little. Experienced life outside the tube. She never got to fall in love, never got to find herself, never got to have an adventure. Never got to see Paris beyond the overpriced airport hotels huddled around the tarmac. It was, indeed, her final flight. A weird sort of irony.

Emma braced for impact.

Suddenly, yet another jolt shook the craft, and it somehow leveled out. The dimmed lights reignited in full force. Emma watched the floating coffee pot shatter across the floor. Margaret was muttering “oh dear oh dear oh dear oh dear” under her breath. Craig looked catatonic. Then came the bland tone of the seatbelt sign switching off, and Emma knew it was going to be okay. She brushed her windswept hair back into place, gingerly pulling off her oxygen mask and unclipping her seatbelt, filled with utter awe.

She’d been given another chance to live. And maybe the flight attendant life wasn’t so bad after all. Serving a few unruly passengers was sufficiently better than plunging to a freezing death in the middle of the ocean. Most of them were quite nice anyway. A few bad apples, rotten from travel stress and general indecency, ruined the bunch. That was it. None of it was personal. None of it was defining. Emma strode towards the cabin with a restored passion. Perhaps the very same passion that those retro Pan-Am girls had felt.

Upon arrival, every ‘call attendant’ button was screaming, the flashing lights like a sea of strobes. Feeling something bubble up inside her again, Emma wearily headed for the fat man in 36C, frantically snapping his fingers above his head.

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