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quirrrky · 5 years

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insecure

secret lovers (tumblr thread | fanfiction.net)

Chronological One-Shots / Post-War / Pre-Last

After the Fourth Shinobi War, Naruto’s huge crush on Hinata gradually surfaces and the whole village of Konoha knows it…Well, aside from him.

entry ten

Prompt: Now that the war was over, Naruto and Hinata must face another challenge in their lives, adolescence.

/insecure/

Naruto couldn't feel so delighted. He was glad that he was successful into talking Sasuke's case out of the council. Well, that's all thanks to Shikamaru, Hinata and Iruka-sensei's effort in guiding him. That damn, Rhetoric, sure had an importance, after all!

The teme just left the village for some atonement and Naruto felt the needed that his friend might need a reminder that Konoha's doors will always be open for him by returning his hitai-ate.

He sighed, but as he did, an eager Konohamaru and his team caught up with him.

"Niichan! I've told you about this kore."

"Uh, not now? I don't know, Konohamaru, but your project doesn't seem to fit me dattebayo."

"Well, you're the only one I can rely on, niichan!" The brunette kid muttered as Naruto surrendered,

"Fine! Fine! But just for an hour, okay?"

They walked along the village street as Naruto stopped at the sight of his teammate.

"Sakura-chan?"

She lifted up her head, blush evident on her face, "Naruto…"

"Ah! Hinata seemed to be blossoming lately, eh? Just in time for spring?" Kiba retorted, making his teammate blush with his compliment.

"Why? It is because…"

"Yeah! Yeah, Shino! It was all because of that stupid-looking Naruto, who is looking more stupid, whenever he sees our Hinata!"

"That's not what I'm about to say…"

"Kiba-kun! Tha-that's not it!"

The leaves were now evident on the branches of the trees, coloring Konoha with a brand new shade. Gone were the days when they have to wear extra article of clothing just to keep them warm. Springtime had come and its manifestation was just beginning.

Team 8's briefing with their current Hokage, Kakashi (who was still unsure about taking the position although his face was quite blatantly etched on the Hokage rock), just finished and they will be sent to search a missing person who belonged to a powerful clan for next week.

"Well, he said he'll be returning, right?"

"Yeah, Shino-kun. He'll just be dropping by to return Sasuke-kun's hitai-ate back before he leaves the village."

Kiba scoffed and prided, "I don't really think you must go back there, Hinata. My senses can smell he's just near, so… Ah! See! I told you, in speaking of the devil, he's just right there. How about we surprise him, huh? Don't ya' think, Hinata? I wonder if he'll scream like a girl."

"Kiba-kun!" Nonetheless, Hinata's complaint was remained unheard as she was dragged hiding in a corner. They couldn't see him, but they could eavesdrop and he was with Sakura.

"Wait! I think Ino's somewhere here too?" Kiba informed them with Hinata ready to leave the scene, until their words started to mince her.

"I know that you have loved me ever since. I just realized that maybe…maybe we could try?"

Sakura-chan?

"I-I couldn't be any happier."

Naruto-kun…

Drowning her teammates' voices in the background, she ran away. Just far away from them. Where there was air, though she could hardly breathe.

That was all she needed to hear.

She didn't even need to see them. Just the words they professed to each other were enough to wake her up from her petty little sweet dream. A dream, it was all a dream.

His eyes, his smile and his gravelly voice would only remain as a dream to her. How could she not, when it felt so surreal and good? Naruto always made her feel like that. Out of many people in the world, he was the first to believe in her. Never, ever in her life did someone make her feel strong, important and worthy. She thought he was the exception, not thinking that he was just like that to everybody else.

She loved him, she truly did. It was a pure kind of love. Something that didn't demand reciprocation Although people may mistook it as unhealthy obsession, little did they know that for her entire life she never felt special until he cheered on her amongst the crowd. Until he believed in her when no one else did. He showed her that she could still walk with purpose. He showed her that it was still possible to smile even if nobody cared.

He made her believe.

Sadly, it was because it was just him. Nothing more, nothing less.

Sasuke-kun left the village now and who knew what happened?

All this time, Sakura-chan loved the boy. But Naruto-kun was also easy to love, and Hinata knew that he would search all over the town just to be with Sakura.

Stupid, stupid, stupid Hinata!

In her mind, she pictured her pink-haired friend and her blonde dream.

They looked good together.

Tears fell from her eyes, trying to force a smile on her face.

It made sense. Sakura-chan was confident, beautiful and a strong kunoichi, whom everyone in their village admired. It just made sense that she would be perfect for the brilliant hero, who brightened up the whole of Konoha.

He deserved someone like her. Someone who was unafraid to fight for what she really feels. And she was not her.

But she had to be happy for them. They were her friends.

She had to accept that Sakura will be the one to hold his hands. She will be the one their friends would tease with him, saying he finally got the girl he's been chasing after.

Then, he would buy her flowers, her favorite food and would tell everyone stories of how beautiful and strong she was. He would show the whole world just how much he loved her, because she was his dream and there wouldn't be a single day that she would feel neglected, because he'll always make sure she's special.

When the day went by, she will be the one to kiss him goodnight. She will be the one to live her dreams. Hinata's dreams.

And then for Hinata, she will be drowned on the background amidst it all. Waiting for someone to love her just as much as she loved him.

Truly, purely and unconditionally.

Wondering how long will she wait as though no one could replace him.

"W-What's with you two?!" Ino angrily shouted as she went out from hiding at a corner, eavesdropping all throughout the whole ordeal.

Sakura, blush now dissipating, answered her with a sigh, "I-Ino? Well, I surrender. This knucklehead has been trying so hard already-"

Naruto turned, rubbing his hand at the back of his head, "Uh, yeah, yes. I guess I didn't' get that quite right. I know!"

Kiba, furious at the stupid blonde's comment, revealed himself with Shino, "Just, you, shut the hell up! I know I'm in no position to say this, but I'm keen enough to smell your own bullshit, you, pathetic idiot! ! For these past few months, I thought, I thought that you and… Forget it! You don't deserve that kind of love!"

The loud-mouthed brunette then suddenly noticed a few audience, namely Konohamaru and his team, "The hell?! I couldn't believe this! You even get your own documentation team to record this crap?!"

"Cut! What's wrong with you all? The scene is now going great and now you made it all appear scripted kore!"

"W-Wait, scripted?!" Kiba and Ino simultaneously erupted, shocked and confused at the young boy's complaint.

"Hey, niichan! I thought you hired these two. How come they aren't oriented? Too bad the scene they created is already effective!" Konohamaru demanded, annoyed.

"Ahhh, about that, errr…"

"I really think that won't fit our topic after all. We are supposed to show this at the orphanage. Seriously?" Moegi interjected.

Meanwhile, as realization hit Ino, she sighed and turned to Sakura,

"That explains everything. I thought you two were really going on about it. I didn't really mean to intrude with what's between you guys, but just earlier you were gushing about Sasuke-kun poking your wide as hell forehead like it was the most special thing in the world, then now I'm going to see you like that with Naruto. I just couldn't help it. Well, anyway. I couldn't believe I participated in this kind of weird thing."

Sakura, on the other hand, released a heavy breath and slumped her shoulders forward, "I just couldn’t not do it. I reluctantly accepted this idiot's bet that Sasuke-kun would not allow me to come with him. In exchange, I have to participate in this video thing for the children at the orphanage. I was about to knock him off but he guilt-tripped me with his nindou."

The blonde girl faced the younger ones with much pride and determination, "Well, if you want a better actress, you should've gotten me instead! This billboard-brow surely has no talent aside from punching people in their faces!"

"Hey! What's wrong with strength you Ino-pig…" The two girls fought in the background. On one hand, pissed, but fazed Kiba stood agape, still deciding what to do with the situation and just in time, it was Shino who voiced out his frustration.

"You see, we have a bit of a problem here. Why? It is because Hinata…"

Both girls stopped at bickering and Sakura immediately dropped Ino's collar-off with a grim expression starting to form on their faces, "Hinata!"

Actually, they both didn't hear Shino's words before that, but by just the mention of her name, the two kunoichi identified that a big misunderstanding had been created.

Both of them had been supporting their shy friend all along and even developed several plans behind her back in order to create a moment for Hinata and Naruto to be together.

Sakura was the one more passionate about it as she could reflect her sort-of unreciprocated love for Sasuke-kun to that of Hinata's genuine affection for the still childish and oblivious Naruto. She couldn't just stand that she'd be the reason to cause her friend's faith to waver or even hurt her in any way. She almost make a big damage before and she was not planning to cause anything like that anymore.

"Yeah, where's Hinata? I left to go find Sasuke after she tied my hitai-ate. I was looking for her until Konohamaru bothered me."

The said boy and his gang just watched the exchange with a freaked-out look on their faces, Shino just remained stoic, while Kiba, Ino and Sakura both turned their heads on the blonde's direction.

"Well, Mirai is asleep now. I can feel that she's not the real reason for your visit." Kurenai stated, placing cups of tea for her and her former student.

Silence laid flat between them. Hinata just stared blankly at her cup of tea.

"Kurenai-sensei," Hinata muttered as she called out to the person, whom she considered as a mother after all that happened around her life.

"Hmmm... By looking at you, I could tell this is about a certain blonde boy."

The young girl just gulped dryly, giving away the information to her sensei through the quietness.

"I understand, Hinata. I am right and it's all about that dreamy boy, isn't it? Ah, young love, fragile, fickle and difficult to understand. Intense and overwhelming emotions." Kurenai finished with a humble yet prim smile. Memories of the past appearing before her eyes.

"I remember back then, it was the same with Asuma. We were really close friends and I started to harbor a different kind of feeling for him. He didn't notice that at first. He was the Hokage's son and he had a lot of admirers surrounding him as well. I couldn't avoid but feel confused and frustrated. There was a lot of questions and the emotion got only stronger, because I was not able to fully express it and show it. Then the more we became closer, the more I wanted to hear him say the words I've been longing for… I thought it would be right, but it wasn't."

Kurenai took a sip from her cup of tea as she further relive the past with her deceased beloved husband.

"It wasn't, Hinata. There came a time when we were both so near each other. In his eyes, I could see sincerity and it was as if the world was pulling us close together. At that moment, I felt scared. I felt scared that he'll tell me he was feeling the same way, because…I wouldn't believe him. Not because he didn't show me, but because I realized that I wasn't ready for that and he wasn't yet either."

"Kurenai-sensei…" Hinata tilted her head up and serenely looked at her former teacher.

"I was relieved when he got flustered and laughed his embarrassment away. Love, Hinata, is not about finding someone who completes you, it's about having someone who complements you, someone who will fit who you are not with what he is."

Hinata tried to unravel the message beneath Kurenai-sensei's words. The older woman seemed to notice this leading her to guide Hinata's head above her shoulder. Right at the spot, her student gave in and cried her heart out, pouring all the stirring hurt inside.

"You and Naruto are both so young. You still have a lot more to discover about yourselves outside the war. I bet he was just as confused as you are."

She stayed at her teacher's arms, washing down all the thoughts running in her mind. Silent water runs deep and the same can be said to Hinata. Her calm and unassuming personality had won a thousand rejections and degradations form other people and especially her father.

But this.

This was something new to her. Although she wasn't really expecting him to return her feelings, she never thought it would be like this. And it wasn't because he finally found another nor was because Hinata thought Sakura-chan was better, it was something else. And that something else certainly was the essence behind Kurenai-sensei's message.

After regaining her composure, Hinata got conscious and took awareness of the time and started to make her way to farewell.

"Thank you, Kurenai-sensei. I know I took your time and-"

Her teacher waved off, "No, no, anytime, Hinata. Anytime, I'll be here for you."

The young girl gave a curt bow and proceeded to depart until her sensei stopped her.

"Naruto..." Hinata stopped at Kurenai's word, "He dropped by with Kiba and Shino a while ago. He was looking for you. Well that kid, he seemed to be angry, sad and nervous all at the same time."

"Oh," Hinata paused for a moment before she continued, "Thank you, Kurenai-sensei. I'll bring something for Mirai-chan next time I'll visit."

Hinata subconsciously avoided her usual path going to home. Her head was tilted down while she walked and missed the beautiful sun that was about to set, until she bumped her head. The scent was familiar and a loud bang of nervousness dropped against her chest.

"Hinata! Where have you bee-"

Though her eyes couldn't betray her, she forced a smile and turned to him, "Congratulations to you and Sakura-chan, Naruto-kun!"

Tears were now triggering to fall, but it was cut by the blonde's aggressive denial.

"No! No! It's not like that at all -ttebayo! Ah, err, it was actually for Konohamaru's project and he wanted to experiment with his new video cam thing. So! Be-between Sakura-chan and I... There was nothing! Nothing between us!"

Naruto had been vocal about his admiration for his teammate ever since he was younger, but there was something about Hinata's presence now that made him clarify things a bit desperately.

With the truth now vivid before her, Hinata gave into the weight of her knees and sat down on the grass. But before she wash herself with relief, she must ask him one thing. Although she wasn't known to be bold, she knew it was something necessary for her to ask.

"But you love Sakura-chan, right?"

Quite taken aback, he muttered back, "Yeah, but-"

"She loves Sasuke-kun." She said it calmly, but deep inside she was beginning to hurt.

"Mhmm," It was a tone in agreement and Hinata could see sadness in his expression through her peripheral vision. She took a brave inhale and started to stand up, but he sat beside her.

"When I was younger, Sakura-chan was the prettiest girl I knew. She liked Sasuke. Well, why the hell did everyone liked that teme? But among everyone, she was the most determined to be acknowledged by him that's why she stood out, that's why I felt we were the same and that's why I liked her."

Hinata just sat there frozen. It hurt. Everyone in her shoe would hurt to hear this. Self-torturous, yes. But perhaps, she needed to know this, she needed to hear the truth. Hinata may love Naruto deeply, but after all the desertion she had undergone with her family, she would not stand to be a substitute for someone else.

"A lot of things happened and the more I noticed their growing closeness to each other. Time passed and Sasuke left the village. It hurt me, but it hurt her the most and I just know I must bring him back. Years gone by and I trained with Pervy-sage and she's the only girl close to me. I convinced myself that I have to prove and make her see that I'm better than Sasuke. Then, the village started to acknowledge me and even her..."

Naruto looked at the horizon. The sun painting its ripples with orange and yellow hues.

"Then, she told me she loves me. I thought it was just a joke. I kept on asking why did I think it was just a joke. If I was younger, I would totally fall for that. But I saw right through it and I realized that something's changed."

The blonde must have realized that he'd been telling her a lot already and got agitated. "Ah! I-I'm so sorry, Hinata. I didn't mean to bother you, uh, it's just uh, I find it comfortable talking to you, being like this, and, uh,…Never mind! Never mind at all!" He looked at her searching, if everything's all right.

"It's okay, Naruto-kun," she needed to hear him out for her peace of mind anyway.

Naruto sighed and continued, "Actually, I was genuinely happy for the both them and that's the point! I should feel hurt, right? But there's nothing, none. Everytime Sakura-chan rejected me, there's just that. I grew out of that feeling and all's left was nothing…Nothing. That's why I know there's something missing."

Hinata noticed his crestfallen expression.

"If there's anything, that's…I'm insecure. I wish I could feel...Just how it feels like. I wish I know." He, then, turned sullenly dreamy, "Everything, you know. Even the bad feeling?" Naruto pouted. He was certainly being uncool in front of her.

The pale-eyed girl was left speechless. How odd was it that he wanted to feel what she just felt a while ago? Now, she remembered his troubled childhood. The lack of love, acceptance and acknowledgment.

This was what probably Kurenai-sensei's message was about.

Discovering other parts of ourselves.

"I see…" She muttered, not knowing what to feel.

Naruto chuckled nervously upon seeing her reaction, "Well, yeah, I still love Sakura-chan, but it was different! I just couldn't pass up with the opportunity to embarrass her sometimes and it's sort of became a habit."

Why was he explaining like this?

"But it was really different! Different from how I saw that look on kaa-chan and tou-chan whenever they remember each other. Although, I've met them for only a short period of time, what they had…was really different. Ah! Tch! I really wanted you to meet them. I'm sure they will like you -ttebayo!"

She blushed at his eagerness to meet his parents, no matter if it was no longer a possibility. There was also a part of her that felt relieved as she still got chance to, at least, let him know how she felt when she's finally ready.

All of a sudden, she remembered how pathetic she overthought, tapped her forehead repetitively and sighed. "Silly, I'm very silly."

"Yeah! That's right! I've been looking around Konoha for you dattebayo! I told you I'll be coming back, but you were gone in a zap when I returned." He complained and pouted, leaving out the part that he was subconsciously anxious that she might have misinterpreted that scene with Sakura-chan, which lead him to evaluate his current sentiments towards his teammate.

"Oh, I'm sorry, Naruto-kun I..."

"It's fine, it's fine. Shino already explained it to me, uh, by the way!" He said as he reached out to her a can of Oshiruko. "Sakura-chan told me that you might be having a moment. And I thought that moment thing isn't really nice. I saw this Oshiruko on the vending machine and remembered you liked it..."

Naruto rubbed the back of his head habitually, "I couldn't afford a zenzai, but it's similar so..."

She returned the can to him and stated, "You-you don't really have to, Naruto-kun."

"Ah, it's no good, huh?" Naruto's smile fell. He just wanted to cheer her up with all his best intentions. However, in its naive and simplest form, she unknowingly rejected him and he didn't feel great about it.

Hinata, as emphatic as ever, noticed his glumness and it was just in her nature to never let the people she considered as precious to feel neglected. "I-I think it would be nice if we would have a drink together."

Naruto instantly lit up and pulled out Gama-chan, unfortunately he didn't have enough as he already used his penny to buy instant ramen for dinner.

"Hi-Hinata I..."

She was giggling at him and stood up, approaching the nearest vending machine. "It's fine, Naruto-kun. I could buy one for myself."

And there, there's something about her statement that made her feel like she was getting close to what Kurenai-sensei was talking about.

In the end, Naruto's protest didn't reach her and they both ended up sitting and watching as the moon take over the sky. He told her how Sasuke blushed, when he thought no one was looking, before leaving Sakura-chan and how he convinced the reluctant Konohamaru to cast Lee instead. They shared a few innocent laughs. She shyly met his stare and he absent-mindedly snuck several side glances at her.

Hinata drew a heavy exhale. She never thought growing up would be this tumultuous. She never fully unraveled her sensei's message, but in time, just as Kurenai-sensei said, she will.

On the other hand, Naruto looked at the space on the grass where they were seated. He, then, looked at her—she was smiling peacefully at the sky. It was so serene that he was guilelessly moved into closing that sweet little distance between them—arms now touching each other.

He turned his focus into the sky, staring and admiring the moon as his head remembered her name.

Hinata.

"Y-yes?" She looked at him with tilted head, leaving Naruto flustered.

"O-oh! What! What?"

"Y-you called out for me."

I said that out loud?

#naruhina #naruhina fanfiction #fanfiction #naruto #Hinata Hyuga

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