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sunandflame · 9 months

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Flame and Water, Epilogue

Ship & Trope: Kyojuro x Fem!Reader (Water Pillars Tsuguko) / Slowburn

Warnings: canon-type stuff / angst / huge manga spoiler

Word Count: 4055 Words

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I recommend listening to the playlist while reading this chapter.

Masterlist of Flame and Water

The porcelain cup fell out of your hand and you knew something was wrong. Something in you tore and left you breathless. You felt dizzy for the moment and had to hold onto the wall to not fall onto the ground. Senjuro saw it and saw your pale face, running immediately towards you and holding onto your yukata. "Aneue! Is everything alright?!"

You tried to catch your breath and rubbed your hand against your aching chest. "Yes, I'm fine, Senjuro. We should prepare something, since it’s Kyojuros birthday today. Maybe he'll manage to come back from his mission today." You took a deep breath and gave him a smile. To reassure him further you patted his head with your good hand. He smiled excitedly and went to work. Of course, that was a lie, but you didn’t want to scare Senjuro any further.

The aching in your chest didn’t soothe for the next few days until you saw Kaname, Kyojuro’s Kasugai crow, and Senjuro who fell sobbing onto his knees. Since that day the world was not the way it was supposed to be. At least not for you.

You didn’t remember the months that followed, even his funeral was in a blurr. You only knew that everyday was a new dread. And everytime you did not manage to suppress your feelings you started to hyperventilate, fear threatening to consume you again and again and again. It had no end in sight.

“Life has not been the same as before since I lost you.”

You had been advised to write letters to yourself to deal with the grief. But it did not change anything, not really. You were more reserved than ever and your friends and some of the Hashira had been worried about you. The cheerful side they had seen in you at the announcement of your engagement was all gone. Now you were just a shadow of yourself. As if your light had been stolen from you. The light and fire called Kyojuro.

"I talk about you, like you still haven't left yet."

Several months passed, you had left Rengoku estate a while ago since you couldn't bear the sight of Senjuro or Shinjuro. You felt sorry for Senjuro but your pain, the guilt you gave yourself was too great. If you hadn't broken your arm then you would have been on this train with him. Then you could have defeated this Uppermoon together. Then he would have survived. Then you would probably be married and maybe even blessed with a baby. But that was all just wishful thinking. A fantasy that would never come true again.

"You didn't say goodbye, and a part of me believes that means you're coming back."

But he wasn't coming back and the only thing you got from him was the flame breathing. After your arm was fixed and the cast removed, you started your training. And you were training like you had been possessed. You completed one mission after another, killed so many demons you lost count. You tried to distract yourself from your own grief that was holding so tight on you. Others tried to talk to you, tried to help you, but you just wanted to be left alone until one day the Kasugai crow from Ubuyashiki approached you.

You humbly bowed to the man who was now bedridden.

“My dear child, I may be blind, but I can see your sadness and anger at Kyojuro's loss. He really was an extraordinary child."

You stood silent. You had reverted to your old patterns after his death. Your mouth and facial expressions closed as ever. Your heart was not just broken, it was shattered into pieces, never able to feel anything again and yet he was able to break your hard shell with his soft voice.

“Master, how may I serve you?”

“I want you to be the next Pillar of Flame. You were Kyojuro’s Tsuguko after all and you also killed more than 50 demons. I'm sure he would have wanted that."

Your head snapped up and your gaze darted between Kagaya and Amane, your expression twisted in pain until you laid your head on the tatami in a deep bow to hide your tears, shoulders shaking.

"My dream of being a Pillar... If I had known that I would become Hashira at the cost of your life, I would have put the sword down forever."

Weeks passed and you performed the duties of the Flame Hashira with flying colors. Though your flame was not as hot as Kyojuro's. With the grief you were battling inside your mind and your shattered heart it was cold. You were cold.

“I don’t want them to know the way I loved you. I don't think they’d understand it. I loved and I lost you and it hurts like hell.”

Another two Uppermoons were defeated by Tokito and Kanroji. There was an exchange between the Pillars and they mentioned the young Kamado boy and how his sister Nezuko was able to conquer the sun. You remember the name as Shimizu and even his crow Matsuemon Tennoji approached you, telling you that Tanjiro Kamado had a message for you, but you had no desire to talk to anyone. Not because you had anything against the boy with the demon sister, but because you just wanted to be alone. Alone with your grief that you were not able to overcome. Kyojuro was your foundation. He had taken up so much space with his mood and volume, that it seems all the more empty now that he’s gone. His passing left a deep hole in you. And the worst part was you were slowly forgetting him.

“I can no longer remember the sound of your strong and steady heartbeat.”

Your thoughts were interrupted as you watched the argument between Shinazugawa and Giyuu. You understood what Giyuu wanted to say, but his choice of words were poor and he only got misunderstood. However, you chose not to intervene like Mitsuri did, but just to silently observe everything. The special training with the Hashira began, but like Giyuu you did not participate, not yet.

"You would hate what I've become."

Shimizu came flying to you and informed you of an emergency and forced you to follow her without giving any further information. That wasn't usually her way and a bad premonition settled over your thoughts when you recognized the way to the Rengoku Estate. Fear spread through you when you entered the property, breathing heavily from your run, and found it empty. No sign of Senjuro. Panic rose as you heard your own trembling voice calling for the little boy.

A shoji door opened and your eyes widened in surprise as you jumped slightly back. “Y/N, you're here. I'm glad you made it. Senjuro isn't here right now, but please come in. There's a conversation overdue between us.”It was Shinjuro, the father and also former Flame Hashira. He looked different than you saw him the last time. He had been drunk and you had been terrified and a different person that time.

And you remembered that it was the first and last encounter between the both of you. Although you had lived in the Rengoku estate for some time, Shinjuro always stayed in his room so you never saw each other. Now he looked at you with a clear gaze before returning back to the room and leaving you alone in the hallway and forcing you to follow him.

Shimizu, who had sat on your shoulder, got an angry look from you which made the crow immediately take off again.

With a queasy stomach you entered the room that was considered the place of honor for the Rengokus and where the flame haori was draped and the diaries were on the shelves. Shinjuro sat on his knees on the tatami mat and gestured for you to sit opposite him, which you did, but you kept your nichirin sword to your left as you weren't really comfortable being alone with him. You would never make the mistake of underestimating the former Hashira.

Of course, this did not remain hidden from his watchful eyes and yet he said nothing. His face was shaved and he himself was clean. He appeared generally very different, calm and collected.

“Senjuro missed you very much. He often speaks of you as his Aneue."

That gave you a pang in your already broken heart, but you said nothing. Was that why Shimizu tricked you here? You had missed Senjuro very much and it hurt you in your soul to have left the boy alone with his grief, but you couldn't stay. Your own grief, it was too much to handle as it weighed on you and you didn't want to put the boy through more troubles.

“Thank you for mourning Kyojuro-”

You gave him a sharp look that silenced him momentarily. What did he mean with thank you for mourning Kyojuro? What did he think was the relationship between the two of you? Your anger seeped through every pore, but you remained silent, since you wanted to know what this was about.

“Y/N, I am embarrassed about my behavior when we first met. I should have recognized you then and I should have stayed after your village burned down. I know you were alone and yet I had decided that you would be better off not knowing exactly what happened. I was wrong and inflicted a personal hell on you.”

All your anger evaporated with his words and your eyes widened as you saw the senior bow low, his forehead touching the tatami mat. "Rengoku-san, please-" You wanted him to get up, but didn’t move and let him talk.

“My dear wife became ill and died while I wallowed in self-pity over my own incompetence. So like the fool I am, I pulled away and drowned myself in sake. You proved to be a way better person by becoming a Hashira with what Kyojuro taught you.” He lifted his head and looked at you. “I want to give you the Haori of the Rengoku’s as only the Flame Hashira wear them and I am sure Kyojuro would have wanted that too.”

Tears formed in the corners of your eyes as they flitted back and forth between the haori and the Shinjuro, who took the white flame-patterned robe from the rack and folded it into place and laid it in your trembling hands. You stared at the white cloth on your lap until you slowly picked it up and rubbed it against your cheek. It had, of course, been cleaned and patched, but the distinct smell of Kyojuro was unmistakably still in it and the memory of him welled up, threatening to overwhelm you.

A desperate wail escaped your throat as you cried bitter tears with the haori in your arms. The first tears since Kyojuro's death. You couldn't take the suppressed pain anymore and needed something to hold on to and then you felt the big warm hand on your shoulder and looked with tear-filled eyes into the eyes of a father who understood your pain like no other.

He pulled you into his arms and another sob escaped your throat. Shinjuro knew about your pain because he had also lost a loved one, because he had also lost a son. The two of you lay in each other's arms like a father would embrace a daughter, comforting each other until a young voice rang out in the halls and opened the shoji door to the room.

"Father, I am back home and- Y/N-chan!" Senjuro dropped everything in his hand when he saw the two of you comforting each other with the Haori between you. You turned to Senjuro and pulled him into your arms, the tears continued to flow and even the little boy sobbed in your arms and held onto you with his dear life. “Aneue, I missed you so much…”

And god did you miss him too. “Senjuro, I am so terribly sorry for leaving you alone…"

~~~

You could breathe more freely. The pain was still the same, the hole in your chest still there, but a weight had been lifted from your shoulders after you allowed yourself to cry. You stroked the white fabric of the Haori that now draped over your shoulders and felt the presence of Kyojuro’s spirit on your shoulders. A little smile crept onto your lips for the first time since his death.

You made your way back when you saw Giyuu and the Kamado boy chatting. They both looked at you in surprise, as if they hadn't expected you. The younger one saw you with a look as if he knew about your deep sorrow and grief. As if he was able to smell it from a distance and yet he met you with a sincere and friendly smile. "L/N-san, it's a pleasure to meet you." He bowed to you.

It was hard for you to smile back so you just nodded politely. "Nice to meet you too, Tanjiro Kamado." Your eyes fell on his handguard. The boy also noticed your gaze and became nervous, seemingly knowing your connection with the previous owner. He probably thought you wanted it back. "Don't worry, just because I was his fiancé and now Flame Pillar doesn't mean I'm entitled to his handguard. I'm sure he would be happy that you have it." This time you managed to give him a smile that made him blush and you thought to yourself what a good-natured boy he was.

Giyuu stared at your haori, knowing the importance of carrying something from people you loved. Because he himself carried Tsutako and Sabito with him, but he said not a word about it. That wasn't necessary because suddenly a Kasugai crow flew screeching over your heads.

“EMERGENCY SUMMONS! EMERGENCY SUMMONS! AN ATTACK ON UBUYASHIKI MANSION!”

You exchanged just a quick glance among yourselves before all three of you sprinted in the same direction, but you weren't fast enough. Several explosions went off and you could only stare at the rising flames in shock. An old fear wanted to take hold of you, but his spirit, the spirit in this haori drove you on. No, you were no longer afraid of the flames because now you were the Flame and when all the Hashiras gathered in front of Muzan to attack him, the sound of a biwa pang rang out and the ground beneath you all disappeared.

~~~

It was an unfamiliar situation in an unknown place. It was more important than ever to keep your eyes open and stay focused, which is why you, Tanjiro and Giyuu were staying together and wandering around this Castle of Infinity. Suddenly you all saw one of the crows who gave you the news of Shinobu's death. Another hole in your heart, but now wasn't the time to mourn. You had to find and defeat Muzan, or at least one of the Uppermoons. Suddenly the whole place started shaking.

"ABOVE!" It came from Giyuu and suddenly a pink-haired man with tattoos stood in front of you and with his fixation towards Tanjiro and with the number in his eye you knew immediately who it was.

The attacks of Akaza were brutal. You used all the techniques that you could think of to protect the young Kamado boy from the demon's fixation towards him. But along that way you noticed the skill and breathing the Kamado boy used to attack the demon and that he had achieved the strength of a Hashira. You performed an attack, drawing the attention of Akaza.

"You!" He pointed his finger at you while you tried to catch your breath. “You wear the same Haori as Kyojuro. You even fight like him with the same fighting spirit! State your name! I wanna know the name of the person who developed this wonderful sword technique. I can feel that you are strong!"

But you didn't want to talk to the demon that killed your beloved one. How dare he even say his first name? It was him who took your beloved Kyojuro. He was to blame for your grief and for other people who loved him as well. It was all his fault!

Anger spread through you, which grew into an uncontrollable firestorm. Your heart was beating wildly in your chest and you were feeling hot all over. Your whole body was literally burning as if you had a fever. You shouldn't be able to move with this fever and yet you feel an irrepressible strength growing in you.

Become the flame that consumed you, my water lily. Set your heart ablaze…

Senses that were closed off to you have been awakened and dragged out to the place where your strong opponent stands. You understood now that the intense struggle to survive increases one’s skills. You became fast like an uncontrolled wildfire, and you and Giyuu launched one attack after another. Your speed was out of this world and yet you could keep up, you could see everything and even through him. It was strange how calm you were in this moment even knowing you were on the edge of death, but that didn’t matter at that moment. You had to go on.

It was one of the most memorable fights you've ever experienced. A headless demon who continued to fight, refusing to accept his weakness. And he didn’t die by any of your hands but ended up using his destructive attack that would have killed them all on himself. If he would have not done that, you wouldn't know how you were going to get out of here alive. Akaza was truly a strong opponent and all three of you had reached your limits. Tanjiro was the first to realize it was over and also the first to lose consciousness. Even Giyuu had to brace himself with his broken nichirin and lost consciousness. Shit. You tried to reach the both men when you felt how the rest of your strength left you and you too fell unconscious.

You woke up to a burning smell and got up so quickly that it made you dizzy. Still aware of the situation, you checked your surroundings only to see Giyuu half-naked in front of a fire. Tanjiro woke up from his unconsciousness just seconds after you and asked what happened.

“I tried to stop my bleeding, but it’s not working, so I’m going to cauterize the wound. You both are also bleeding. If it doesn’t stop I’ll burn it. So strip down and come here.” Giyuu stared into the fire and it seemed like he was saying it more to Tanjiro, but you knew that the wound on your shoulder was still bleeding even if you tried to stop it with your concentrated breathing.

You did as he said and stripped your shirt and sat next to Giyuu only with your binding to hold your breast together. Without paying much attention you saw how Tanjiro was first blushing and then getting all pale while seeing your burned scars, but he did not say anything. It was weird but you didn't mind seeing your scars anymore. You had long since accepted who you were and were no longer ashamed of your past or what it had made of you.

As Giyuu cauterized the wound on your back, while gritting your teeth in pain, your tried to think of something else to distract yourself from the pain when Tanjiro gasped loudly.

“Y/N-san! Your chest!”

Surprised you looked down and saw what had startled him. Even Giyuu looked surprised. At the top of your heart were dark red marks of flames that spread to your left shoulder. So this is what the mark of the flame looked like. Interesting how it was sprinkled over the heart and not on the face like Tanjiro or Giyuu.

"I guess I have to thank Kyojuro for that." You smiled as you put your hand on your heart.

“Y/N-san… Now that you mention it. Rengoku-san had some last words for you. I tried to get through you, but-”

"I know Tanjiro." You gave him a smile. “I wasn't myself until today. Please, tell me what his last words were to me.”

“He said that you should not grieve too much and to feel free to let him wait in the afterlife. That he will wait for you.” You saw the tears forming in the boy’s eyes, while he brought you the last words of Kyojuro.

You huffed a little smile and thanked him.There were no tears, there was no time for them because they were at war, but a little memory crept into your mind and your thoughts went back. You remembered a moment with Kyojuro where you both laid naked in bed after being intimate. Both being in love and looking into each other’s eyes. His hands never stopped touching and caressing you, both the healthy and the scarred parts. He saw no difference, but that wasn't why you resorted to the memory. It was his words back then. "When wounds are healed by love, the scars are beautiful." You were healed by his love and now you are fighting here with the same ambition he had then. To protect humanity, to defeat Muzan.

~~~

Muzan was dead. The demons no longer existed and a new age had begun. A peace emerged that had cost many sacrifices, both mental and physical. Only three of the Hashira survived. Sanemi Shinazugawa, Giyuu Tomioka and you. You were all marked by the war and yet you knew that it was worth it. The Demon Slayer Corps no longer existed, so you felt obliged to return the haori to the Rengoku family as you were no Rengoku and no Pillar anymore. Shinjuro and Senjuro asked you to move in with them, as they saw you as a part of their family, but you politely declined. It didn't feel right.

“Because everything feels wrong without you.”

Years had passed and the grief in your heart was your constant companion together with Shimizu who never left your side. You sat in your home with your brush and still wrote those letters to yourself. But not only to yourself but also to others. Which was why you knew about their happy lives and how they all had started their own family while you were being alone. You made peace with that, because you knew that you can’t ever fall in love with someone else again. Kyojuro was and always will be your one true love.

Your 25th birthday was approaching and you knew what to expect. Amane had enlightened you and the others about the price of the mark and you had only been waiting for this day. You felt your strength drain from you and you needed to lay down on the floor. Shimizu worriedly nudged your yukata as if she was trying to get you to stand up. You smiled faintly at her trouble and gently stroked her feathers with a single finger. "Shimizu, you were always a loyal soul to me." You saw your crow friend's tears as you closed your eyes slowly.

You didn’t feel any fear. Only hope because they said you could see your loved one after you pass, they said you reunite with those you had lost; that was your only consolation as you laid there. Kyojuro, your eternal flame, was always in your thoughts. Never leaving you, never wanting to let go of him.

"I will see you in heaven, my love," you whispered, breathing your last.

Your eyes snapped open and you stared at the dark ceiling, before turning sideways to look at the time on your phone. 04:34 am. Again a weird dream about these demons and yet another sleepless night. Did I cry in my sleep again? With a quick hand movement you swiped the tear stains on your face away and sighed. You always woke up with this deep yearning, like you lost something very precious but forgot what it was. Was it maybe this Kyojuro? But who was that? You were not sure, but you knew that these dreams were trying to tell you something…

🌊 🔥🌊 🔥🌊 🔥🌊 🔥🌊 🔥🌊 🔥🌊 🔥🌊 🔥🌊 🔥🌊 🔥

That was hard, even for an angst lover like me. I feel heavy and accomplished at the same time and I just hope you all don't hate me too much. I wanna thank everyone who stayed tuned and loyal to the story and rooted from chapter to chapter. I see you all and I love you all ❤️

Again and again and big thanks to my beloved @desi-the-blue-eyed-kakushi who knew how this going to end and cursed at me for many times for weeks. But it was all worth it, right?

For all those who hate me... This is not the end of this story! Watch out for my next posts (and the memes if you wanna laugh)

EDIT: The sequel is here! Shards of Glass

Taglist:

@krillfromsky @kingmultiverse404 @deepressed @nelissecrectplace @yomoya-girl @theycallmemrsbarnes @roninishere @beelzmunchkin @kyojurismo @stuckinthewrongworld @lynnw @love-me-satoru @felix99999l @noarawriteszr @strawberrymm @rye-flower @demonslayeranimex @kittenssss-blog-blog @hanatsuki-hime @kxthxrinx3180 @thatw3ird0 @lovely-nayiq @annie-napier @cole-silas @inonezu-808 @witchy-scribblings @drowsydoggy @anjox @xkanrojimitsurix @ahashiraswife @mamayan @flametrashira @crazycatlddy

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