#kasamakita

[heytoneejay]

something significant happened today. as im writing this, ive surpassed 100k listeners on spotify. i know that statistic could be fickle... bukas pwedeng bumaba, bukas pwedeng tumaas. but the point is, for at least a month, my music reached 100k real people. thats crazy when i think about how i started this year with barely 1k people listening. and nung sinimulan ko yung solo career ko, naisip ko na pag umabot ako sa 100k, then i know ive made it (whatever making it means). and i know that im on to something here. syempre yung nangunguna na kanta ay yung "bawat piyesa (secret verse)." kung tutuusin, lumang kanta na talaga siya, pero may mga bagong dinagdag that makes it something else, something more (at least in my opinion). naisip ko, parang metaphor pala ito sa career ko noh. marami sa inyo matagal na akong kilala at kabisado niyo na ang mga dati ko pang ginagawa. pero natutuwa ako na marami rin sa inyo ang tuluyang nakikinig sa mga bago kong ginagawa at mga bagong sinusubukan. kaya from the bottom of my heart, salamat. grateful ako for everything this year. gusto ko rin magthank you sa marilag recordings specifically ang matagal ko nang mga kaibigan na si glenn and nukie for believing in me since day one and for giving me a chance to keep doing my music. gusto ko rin magthank you sa araw sa gabi management kay jana and sud sa pagpulot sakin at sa paglakbay kasama ako. syempre thank you rin sa mga sessionists na kasama ko lagi sa mga gigs this year: si kerith, eb, patrick, ralph, andrei. thank you sa inyong lahat na nagtiyatiyaga kayo sakin hahaha. thank you syempre sa mom ko na lagi akong pinagdadasal, at tsaka sa siblings at friends ko. thanks yall for being proud of me. and syempre thank you kay sam for being my best friend. lagi kong kakantahin ang kanta mo. hindi naman ako nanalo ng award pero bakit nagtutunog ganun? hahaha. yung award ko ay kayo. naks. cheesy. salamat wonderful people. kung may wish man ako para next year, hindi lang dumami tayo.. pero na sabay-sabay rin tayo maggrow as people. maging more loving, understanding, patient, kind, wonderful. i believe this is what our community is all about. that we all continue to become something else. something more. ang lagi kong hinahangad: ang maging malaya, kasama ka. p.s: eto na rin siguro yung year end reflection post ko. dahil medyo maghahibernate ako for the next few days. tamang schedule lang ng social media posts bago mag xmas tas video games all day orayt. see yall next year!! stream kasama kita album photo by miguel go

[heytoneejay]

(published on my social media dec. 10, 2022) some time ago i lived in japan for a year on a student exchange program. this is a photo of me at a beach in kamakura, one of the prettiest places ive ever been. kung napakinggan niyo na sa album yung "alaala," yung audio na may beach sounds sa 4:25 onwards, dito yun. i was supposed to meet up with some friends i made from a church in tokyo. but i remember i was feeling kinda depressed those days, so naisip ko pumunta nang mas maaga para makapag soul-searching. alam mo yun, yung day trip na mag-isa ka lang tas sakto japan so parang anime. it was just a few train rides away from where i lived. and pagkapunta ko dun, umaambon tas medyo foggy so imagine grabe para akong nasa makoto shinkai film. naglakad-lakad ako na wala masyadong goal in mind. and then tiningnan ko yung mga temples, kasi meron dun sobrang laking buddha statue (google niyo sikat yun), tas pumunta ako dun sa train station na nafeature sa slam dunk kahit di naman ako nanonood ng slam dunk. sayang.. hindi ko sure kung saan ko linagay yung mga pictures from that trip. imagine niyo na lang muna with me. now that i think about it, sobrang life-altering pala nung trip na yun. there's really something about walking and wandering that touches something integral in one's soul... ewan ko kung ano yun. can't explain it. pero basta if you ever get the chance to be a stranger somewhere, take it. sa totoo, yung trip na yun was supposed to be a water baptism ceremony. if like me you grew up in an evangelical christian church, then you know what that is. yun yung ilulublob ka ng pastor sa tubig for a few seconds tas iaaangat ka. it's supposed to symbolize that your past has been washed away and now you're a new creation. that's why dun sa audio, people were happy and shouting... because it was my turn to be saved. these days i don't consider myself an evangelical, but i'm still a big believer in spiritual experiences no matter what tradition it comes from. i had already been baptized as a kid, but doing it again as an adult was the first time it meant something to me. and i needed that--i needed to feel new. and it was the perfect way to end my year in japan. fun fact, i wrote "sa hindi pag-alala" and "solomon" during that year. and then not long after when i got home and went back to my normal life, a friend asked me to contribute a song for her thesis film ("sa di pagparam" by ezra borlagdatan... shout out kung binabasa mo ito). that's when i wrote "alaala." and even if it's a song about childhood, i can't help but feel today that perhaps it was also about that one year when so many things happened that wouldn't happen anymore. when i felt so many things i wouldn't feel anymore. and when i met so many people i wouldn't meet anymore. pero naaalala ko pa rin sila... "kay bilis naman ng oras..." -- listen to "alaala" from my new album KASAMA KITA: https://youtu.be/css7hzK_XYA stream the new album on spotify and everywhere else

[heytoneejay]

(published on my social media dec. 2, 2022) im starting to get to know myself a little better. i grew up in a conservative community. hindi naman yun laging masama. marami akong natutunan about honor, character, discipline, morality. pero isa sigurong downside dun ay maraming parts sa sarili ko na hindi ko pa talaga kilala. it's because i grew up with the idea that my heart is deceitful, kumbaga hindi importante kung anong nararamdaman ko. kaya dahil dun may times na nahirapan ako iexpress yung personality ko, o yung mga trip kong bagay, o yung mga thoughts and questions ko na kapag sinabi ko maaaring makagulo sa mga tao sa paligid ko. magandang bagay na lumaki ako with the idea na hindi ako ang sentro ng mundo. at tama yun. pero sa huli, dahil dun, hindi ko masyado nabigyan ng oras ang pagkilala sa sarili ko. there were a lot of times i was afraid of my own thoughts. at narealize ko lang din recently na dati pala ultimo sa pagdadamit, takot akong maging masyadong expressive... kasi hindi ganun yung mga tao sa paligid ko. siguro ang pinaka wild ng ginawa ko ay nagpablonde ako ng buhok... pero kahit yun it took a lot of courage and rebellion in me. so masasabi ko na late bloomer ako sa "authentic self" thing. medyo korni nga pakinggan eh... "authentic self." it sounds so... mushy. but now i know it's more than just some overplayed self-care buzzword. today im older and i can make decisions for myself, and ive realized hindi ko na siya maput off.. itong inward journey to find out who i really am. nakakabaliw yung feeling na alam mong there's this stranger in your soul, dying to be your friend, pero hindi mo siya pinapakinggan. kasi takot ka sa sarili mo. and it's really so depressing to continue to ignore yourself just so you won't upset everyone else. and because you're afraid of yourself, you hate yourself. and because you hate yourself, you find it hard to love and care authentically. hidden things will seep through the cracks, and you'll find one day you've hurt yourself and others. but at this point in my life, ive had enough of that. kaibigan, the stranger in your soul is your friend, your lover. breathing, living, constantly evolving, wanting to love and be loved. if only we all took some time to get to know this stranger, we will discover how much wonder we all hold, and how fearfully pieced together we all are. "oh ang maging malaya kasama ka." -- listen to "kasama kita" song off my new album: https://youtu.be/f1Fu_z6Z48Y photo by Nukie Timtiman

[heytoneejay]

(published on my social media nov. 29, 2022) it started with one song, "kasama kita." siguro yung iba sa inyo narinig niyo na yun nung pandemic, nung rinelease yung lo-fi demo version na earphones mic pa ginamit para sa vocals. it's a song about wanting to be free to love someone deeply. nung panahon na yun hindi pa natin alam kung kelan matatapos yung mga ECQ, MECQ, GCQ, at kung ano pang mga Q Q na naimbento. for me personally, feeling ko nakulong ako. not just physically but also mentally... yung tipong hindi mo alam kung kaya mo pang mangarap muli kasi feeling mo hanggang dun ka na lang. like for everyone else, it was a very dark time for me. i wrote a whole album on loneliness (my first album, beginning/end). then i went through a crisis of my personal beliefs about reality, relationships, purpose, even god. it felt like someone pulled the rug out from under me and i went into free fall, just questioning everything i once held sacred since i was a child. but as i went deeper, confronting the darkness around me and in me, i soon found that indestructible part inside of me. i dont know what to call it, and im still trying to understand it. but i guess we can say i found out who i was. and knowing myself better now, soon everything started to feel lighter. i no longer felt as angry or lonely or unforgiving. and before i knew it, i was happy. and i remembered that song "kasama kita." and i remembered all the old love songs id written from years ago. "kanta ni sam," "talinghaga," "alaala," "bawat piyesa." and then i wrote new ones. "simbahan," "ruth," "doxology." and they all seemed to say the same thing, like everything has been leading me to this point in my life: that i am not required to be anything but myself. i am not even required to be sure about who i am. there is nothing to prove. sometimes, i still feel like im proving something and i catch my own ego and i remember that it doesn't matter. because deep down, im okay. and if im okay, then im free to love others as i love myself. because understanding who i am, i understand that we are all the same. and if we are all the same, then we all desire the same thing--to love and be loved. so this album is about that: this album is about learning how to care. this album is about looking inwardly and mending our brokenness. this album is about remembering our connectedness with each other. this album is about honoring every part that makes a person and honoring the fact that we too are pieces of a bigger picture. that even though the world could be a terrible place and powerful forces are making us turn on each other for profit, for control, for dominion, we can choose to rebel and love one another. this album is about resistance through love. this album is about understanding more and more na kahit sino pa tayo, at kahit ano pang pinagdadaanan natin, sa dulo ikaw lang naman at ako. sa dulo, walang ibang totoo kundi kasama kita. -- listen to my new album "kasama kita": https://bfan.link/kasama-kita photo: Nukie Timtiman Art