#kaz decided to build his own paradise inside my head

[zeeckz]

[stargazer-sims]

Journal Entry #13 (part two)

Victor

Hello again! Are you ready for the grand tour? Because we're ready to show you.

We returned to the old place long enough to pack some clothes and other overnight essentials into a bag, and to explain to Mom what we were doing. She seemed to think it was an excellent plan, and said she didn't mind staying by herself at the old house overnight. After a giving us a list of reminders about meds and hydration and not letting our hands and feet get too cold, she let us go, and we headed back up the mountain.

I instantly had the feeling of coming home, as soon as I parked the car at the top of our long driveway. For a few minutes, we just sat there, staring out the windshield at our little snowy paradise.

We might've sat there even longer, if Yuri hadn't noticed something.

I was startled when he exclaimed, "Victor, look!"

"What?" I said. I wasn't sure what he was looking at. The angle we were parked at was obviously obscuring whatever it was from my view.

"Come on! Get out, and I'll show you." Yuri already had his seatbelt off, and was opening the door. "I hope it's what I think it is."

He hopped around impatiently while I undid my seatbelt and climbed out. As soon as I shut the car door, he was right there next to me. He grabbed me by the hand and started pulling me in the direction of the back yard.

I'll admit, we hadn't really looked at the back yard when we'd been up here earlier. I wasn't sure what was back there, and as soon as we rounded the corner of the house, I realized why I hadn't seen what Yuri had seen from the car. The little side building had been blocking it.

"Is that...?" I began.

"A hot spring!" Yuri said triumphantly. "I knew it! I'll bet this place was built here specifically because of this."

"We have our own personal hot spring bath," I said, staring. "Awesome!"

"It is awesome. These are very therapeutic, you know."

"Actually therapeutic, or 'fall asleep in your soulmate's arms and hope he doesn't fall asleep too' kind of therapeutic?"

Yuri grinned at me. "Both. And just so you know, it's probably inevitable that I'll fall asleep in your arms at least once in there."

"I know," I said. "Why do you think I mentioned it? And I think I'll be surprised if it only turns out to be once."

"We'll have to try it later," he said.

"Before you get too sleepy."

He laughed and squeezed my hand. "Let's go inside now. I had an idea about where I want my workspace to be, and I want to show you."

"Okay," I said, and let him lead me back to the house.

The interior of our new home is very soothing. It's got this sort of calming, minimalist design that appeals to me, and it's decorated in all the earthy, neutral tones that Yuri likes. Apparently, Uncle Kaz said we could redecorate a bit if we wanted to, but I don't think we'll change much, if anything. We both like it a lot. It suits our needs and our tastes.

If I didn't mention this before, the house is already furnished. That means we don't have to buy any new furniture or bring any of the pieces we own, if we don't want to. Yuri wants to move his bed, but I've decided I'm fine with using the one that's in my room in the new place. It seems to be very similar to the one I'm sleeping in now, which Yuri told me was already in the old house when he first started renting it from Mrs. Ito, so I can't exactly have the movers take it out of there anyway.

The only other furniture Yuri owns is his desk and work chair, and the little dining set in our old kitchen. We're bringing the office chair and the desk, but the table and chairs might go to charity, since we have a very nice set to use at the new place.

Speaking of which, here's our gorgeous kitchen and our cute little everyday dining area. Can you see the fireplace? We've actually got two fireplaces here. Two!

Yes, I did say our everyday dining area, because we also have an enormous formal dining room. I'm not even joking. I have no idea how often we'll use it , but I can already see us filling it up for a big Winterfest celebration with our friends, at least. Maybe the next time Uncle Kaz is here, we can host a dinner party to thank him. I think cooking for a party would be fun.

Also on the first floor, there's this little sitting area where we can read or watch TV or just hang out. And remember that separate building across the yard? The one the hot spring bath is hidden behind? That's basically a bigger version of this sitting room, and I guess it's for entertaining guests. Maybe you'd call it a parlour? I don't know. Yuri says it's called ima, which basically means 'living space'. Anyway, over there is where the second fireplace is. I can show you that a bit later.

And here’s my room. Ignore that silly boy in the bed. He crawled in there to test it, he said, since it was likely where we'd be spending the night.

I might add some plants or something, and maybe a space heater, but I like this room, and I'm going to keep it mostly as-is. I may even keep that photo of a bunch of dudes on a rugby team. I'm not sure who those guys are, but maybe I can ask Uncle Kaz next time he visits.

There's more to show you, but Yuri said he wants to show off his room and his workspace himself, so he can finish our house tour for you in his next entry.

Anyway, after Yuri finished describing his vision for his workspace to me, and after I'd thoroughly inspected the kitchen to see if it was going to meet the satisfaction of my ever-expanding culinary talents (it does!), we decided to go across to the side building — the 'living space' — and make a fire in the fireplace. Turns out, I'm not terrible at it. It's exactly the same as making a campfire, except it's not outside.

While I was busy admiring my own fire-making skills, Yuri was gazing out the window. It was beginning to get dark by that point, and I imagined us relaxing in here until bedtime.

"It's starting to snow a little," Yuri said.

"We'll keep an eye on it. If it starts to get too bad, we'll go back to the main house."

"It might only be a flurry."

"Wouldn't it be fun to wake up tomorrow morning to a big fresh snowfall?" I said. "We could make a snowman."

"It's been ages since I made a snowman," Yuri said. "I was too ill to go out much last winter, and before you came, there really wasn't anyone I wanted to make one with, except maybe Yuki."

"Just think, living up here, we don't even have to wait till winter to make one," I said. "Here we are in the height of summer, talking about snow people. Maybe we can invite Shirayuki to come over to play, and all three of us can make snow people together."

"I'd like that. I feel like I don't spend enough time with my little sisters, especially Yuki."

"Maybe now's the moment to start changing that," I said. "I'm cool with her coming over any time. I love that kid."

Yuri's youngest sister, Shirayuki — known as just Yuki to her family — is nine years old. I think she was what you might call a surprise baby, since there's such a big age gap between her and Hana, the middle child, who's nineteen, and Yuri, who'll be twenty-five next month. Despite nearly fifteen years separating them, Yuri and Yuki are close. It's clear to anyone who's ever seen them together that she adores him, and of all the people in Yuri's life, his baby sister is the one who can most easily make him laugh. On the other hand, I think Hana is his archenemy. She's unquestionably their father's favourite, and I'm pretty sure she never misses an opportunity to remind Yuri of that.

"Maybe, once we're officially moved in, I'll invite her," Yuri said. "Can't you see Yuki sledding down that little hill in the back?"

"I totally can, and I can see her not letting you fall asleep in the hot spring."

"Not letting me fall asleep, full stop," he said, but he didn't look too bothered by the idea. "You know, I'm looking forward to everything about being here. Having space for Yuki to stay over sometimes is just one thing."

"I'm glad you're looking forward to it," I said.

"I'm looking forward to winter especially. It's going to be different than last year."

"Oh?"

"I have a feeling they'll be seeing a lot of me on the trails this winter. I might even teach Yuki how to snowboard, if she wants me to."

"I think she'll want you to. The question is, would your parents want you to?"

"If Yuki wants to do it, Mama and Papa won't say no. She's really good at getting people to let her do what she wants. It's something to do with the way she makes those sad puppy eyes."

"Must be a family trait," I said.

He poked me. "Shut up. I do not do that."

"Yeah, you do, but I don't mind. It's comfortable, being wrapped around your little finger."

"Well, then," he said. "If I'm really that good at getting you to let me have my way, what do you think about me trying the expert run when they open it this winter?"

"I don't know how I feel about that," I said. "I know you can do it, but..."

"We'll go down together. I'll follow right behind you."

"We'll see when the time comes," I said. "How about that?"

"Sounds fair," he agreed. "I'll have time to work on breaking down your resolve between now and then."

We settled down on one of the sofas to cuddle and talk about all our future plans. There's so much we want to accomplish, not just with our house, but with our lives in general. Yuri and his boss managed to attract the client they'd been meeting with a few days ago, and so now he'll be getting more important work to do, and I'm hoping I'll get offered the job I interviewed for at the wellness center. We want to plan our first international adventure together, too. So many things, and so much time stretching out ahead of us, filled with so much promise.

Eventually, we moved off the sofa and onto the floor, just so we could be nearer the warmth radiating from the fire. Yuri laid down with his head in my lap, and he let me pet his hair, which I'm convinced has psychological benefits for both of us.

For a long time, we were quiet, simply basking in our good fortune and the comforting presence of each other. It was nice. Maybe that doesn't seem like a good description, but i can't think of anything better. It was peaceful and easy and perfect.

I was starting to feel sleepy, and I thought of suggesting that we get onto the sofa again. It probably would've made more sense to go back to the main house, but I really didn't want to go away from the inviting coziness of the living space.

When I glanced down at Yuri, he didn't look anywhere near ready for sleep. He smiled when he noticed me watching him, and reached up to caress the side of my face.

"Victor?"

"What is it?"

He gazed up at me, his dark eyes luminous in the glow from the fireplace. "I'm hungry."

For a split-second, I thought I'd misheard him, and I said, "What?"

"I... I'm hungry," he said, softer this time, sounding a little surprised about it himself.

"Really?"

"Can we get something to eat, please?"

Suddenly forgetting that I was tired, I wanted nothing more than to gather him in my arms and kiss his sweet, perplexed-looking face. Never in a million years would I have expected him to say that, and unless I missed my guess, he probably couldn't remember the last time he'd said he really wanted to eat, either. Or, if he could remember when, it certainly hadn't been recently.

"Yes. Yes, we can absolutely get something to eat," I said. "I left my phone over at the main house, and you did too, right? Let's go back there, and we'll order something. We'll get whatever you want."

"No," he said. "I want to stay here. Can you get your phone and come back? Please?"

"Okay," I said. There was no way I could refuse him, particularly with the way he was looking at me. I mean, given the situation, how could I? I helped him sit up, and then tapped him teasingly on the end of his nose. "You stay right here, young man. I'll be back in no time."

"I'm not going anywhere," he said.

As I hurried over to the house, I felt an immeasurable amount of some emotion I could not name. It wasn't exactly gratitude or excitement or amazement or hope. It was like a combination of all those, and it honestly made me tear up.

Side note: don't cry outside when the temperature is below zero Celsius. Seriously. Not a good move.

When I came back, phone in hand, Yuri informed me that he wanted noodles. "But, not the spicy kind," he said. "I think I'd really like udon and maybe something with vegetables. Oh, and can we get daifuku? I know a place that makes really good ones."

"How would you know about something like that? Can you even eat daifuku?"

"I haven't for a long time," he said. "But, I really like them, and I think it'd be okay. You can eat whatever I can't finish."

In case anybody's wondering, daifukumochi is a snack that's basically a sticky rice cake stuffed with sweetened red bean paste. They can be filled with other stuff too, like strawberry or apricot. I like the strawberry kind. They're pretty great with a cup of tea in the afternoon.

"I feel like I'm always eating what you can't finish."

"That might reflect more on how much you eat than how much I eat." He gave me a cheeky little grin. "I don't feel so bad about not being able to finish things, when I know you will."

"You're impossible," I said.

"I know, but you like me that way."

"I do

"Imagine if a day ever came when I didn't leave anything for you."

"I'd be shocked," I said. "But, I'd be happy."

"We can wish for that," he said. "You never know."

The restaurant Yuri had in mind was, fortunately, one of the choices available on the Zoomers food delivery app. The lady who arrived with our meal seemed a little confused as to why we'd written a special instruction for her to bring it to the living space instead of the main house, but other than giving me a funny look, she didn't offer any comment.

Yuri ate like he was starving. It was actually impressive to watch. I've literally never seen him consume anything as willingly and as fearlessly as he did that steamy bowl of noodles. By the time he was done, there was less than half of it left for me to finish. He ate a few bites of my vegetables and baked fish too, and even managed to have a tiny bit of the sweet snack we'd ordered.

I wanted to laugh at the sight of him lying sprawled on the floor afterwards. He looked utterly satiated and on the verge of falling asleep right there.

"I'm so full. I don't think I can move," he said.

"It's all right. You don't have to," I told him. I slid closer to him and eased his head and shoulders onto my lap. "You feeling okay?"

"Mm-hmm," he murmured. "I might not feel good in the morning, but for now, I'm fine. Better than fine. A little uncomfortable, but.. in a good way? If that makes sense.”

“It does,” I said.

I thought of eating way too much roast chicken and vegetables and pie at Harvestfest dinners at my grandma's house. After one of Grandma's grand meals, I'd drag myself off to the living room with my Uncle JP, Uncle Stephen and cousin Leo while my grandma, mom, aunts and girl cousins stayed in the dining room. Inevitably, Mom and Aunt Emilia would always come get me and Leo when it was time to clean up the kitchen, and it was always such an effort to move. But, it was a good feeling, all the same; a safe, familiar, warm feeling.

"I don't think I've eaten this much in... probably ever." Yuri said.

I smiled. "The mountain air must be good for you."

"Either that, or I built up an appetite from all the excitement today."

"Whatever it is, it feels like a good sign to me."

"Maybe," he said. "Let's revisit that in the morning. I'm cautiously optimistic, but it'll take a lot more than mountain air and excitement to make all my health problems go away."

"As long as your problems are letting you have a break, that's something, though."

"I'll take what I can get." He yawned. "I hope I wake up wanting breakfast, but if I don't, I'll still be grateful for being able to enjoy tonight's dinner."

"I like your perspective," I said.

"No sense being a pessimist." He closed his eyes. "Can I go to sleep now? Like this, I mean?"

"You mean, in my lap?"

"Hmm..."

I stroked his temple with my fingertips. "I don't think I'm going to get the chance to say no, even if I wanted to."

“Sorry ‘bout that,” he mumbled, mostly asleep already.

“Don’t be sorry, sweet boy. It’s been a big day for you.”

He replied, but it didn’t sound like real words in either English or Japanese, and I imagined it seemed a lot more coherent in his head than it did in my ears. I smiled at him, even though he couldn’t see it.

In truth, it’d been a big day for both of us. A big week, and I had a feeling there would be more big things to come.

It occurred to me that there was a time when I would’ve been scared of this much change in my life, happening all at once. I wouldn’t have liked it, despite it being positive change, because I always thought change was too hard for me to cope with, that I didn't have the courage or the strength for it.

Maybe Mom was right, and I’m becoming more mature. I know something about me feels different, like the idea of taking on more responsibility isn’t as daunting as it used to be. Now, I’m not afraid of it any more. I know a lot of things I'll have to face are still going to be difficult and probably scary sometimes, and there’ll be a lot to do and a lot to think about, but you know what? I think I’m actually looking forward to it.

[dregstrash]

“our christmas party turned into a tropical theme because the radiator is broken and it’s hotter than hell in here - damn you look good without a shirt i never noticed before asgdhfjgkhl”

I was tagged by @daniellepal to do some holiday fluffiness and I mean this is semi-canon so why not. I tried my best.

Modern Kanej AU

----------

Crow Club Inc. was a multimillion dollar trading company. It traded in the New York Stock Exchange, made deals with billionaires, and had offices in many locations all over the world. So Inej couldn’t understand why on Earth they couldn’t have their bloody radiator to work especially on the most crowded party of the year.

Inej had only been hired two years ago, as an outside consultant, but she had suffered through enough awkward office parties to know that if there was one party that needed the powerful chill of their air conditioning, it was their Christmas Party. But either Haskell, owner and CEO, was skrimping again or the old radiator had finally given up on this world. No matter the case, Nina’s carefully planned Winter Wonderland themed party was out the door, and a hastily improvised Floridian tropical paradise took its place. Unfortunately, the memo didn’t reach everyone so what resulted was a mismatched clash of heavy coats and gaudy floral patterns.

“There, at least you look on theme.” Nina came up to Inej and tucked a plastic flower behind her ear. 

“It would seem I’m one of the few.” Inej smiled looking down at the borrowed red Hawaiian shirt that used to belong to Nina. It was large enough that Nina had wrapped a spare belt around her waist and managed to create a makeshift dress that was a little shorter than Inej was used to. When pointing that out, Nina had merely shrugged and gave a wink.

“It’s not my fault that Haskell is a cranky old coot who couldn’t be bothered to pay for a replacement heating system. Besides, I’m not minding so much now.”

Inej followed to where Nina’s gaze had wandered, and she shouldn’t have been surprised to see Matthias Helvar, the overly muscular, overly formal chief strategist, starting to take off his heavy Christmas sweater revealing the sweat-soaked white undershirt that was sticking to him like a second skin.

Inej rolled her eyes, and walked away before Nina had a chance to leave her first. While Nina just like to flirt her way through all the departments, she had taken a particular liking to the only man who seemed to fight every instinct to ever notice her. The two were explosive on their best days and decidedly icy on their worst. But looking at the way Nina was studying the young man made Inej think that one way or another Helvar was going to get cornered. And Inej hadn’t decided whether that would be a dream come true or his utter nightmare. 

She made her way through the party, trying to make small talk with her other coworkers, but inevitably Inej found herself with her back against the wall and a soda nursed in her hands, being content to be the wallflower for a while and watch as the heat turned up higher and the party continued on. 

After all that Inej’s been through, she couldn’t have imagined ending up somewhere she could have been happy. Doing what she does best and gathering data and information from all over the world and meeting people who could be her own family. She loved Nina and her energy. She had a few great conversations with Matthias every once in a while. And she even started to get to know Wylan, the new hire who was a wizard with numbers. It was even better because he just started dating Jesper, Inej’s first friend at the company. 

“Brekker! Can’t you do something about this heat?!” Inej heard Jesper’s drunken yell and stifled a laugh. 

Inej was sure that Jesper was the only one who could talk to Kaz Brekker as if they were friends. As far as Inej knew, Kaz Brekker had no friends and he seemed determined to keep it that way. He may have only been twenty-one, but Brekker was Haskell’s protege and an utter genius. He seemed to know things about the market that nobody else could guess or predict, and had launched Crow Club Inc., from a rundown building to an international success.

He was the one to find and hire Inej, and since then he went to her for advice, he sent her on assignments, and seemed to rely on her for things that seemed to be outside her grasp. But she managed and working with him had taught her so much about the tricky business of the stock market, the endless pit of greed of men, and the ruthlessness that was sometimes necessary.

“If you want to do something about the heat, Fahey, you do something about it.” Kaz’s rasp shouted.

“Gladly!” 

Inej watched as Jesper stripped off his shirt and laughed out loud at the bright red color that rose to Wylan’s face. That seemed to rub off on the rest of the drunken partiers because by the time the heat had climbed up to sauna levels, everyone was either half dressed or getting there.

She was suddenly very grateful for the makeshift shirt-dress that Nina had made. Inej felt the sweat build up on her upper lip and on her brow, and if she hadn’t just promised to be the designated driver for Jesper and Wylan she would have left this hellish heat that was this building.

“I’m surprised your still here, Wraith.” Kaz said as he came up beside her. She didn’t turn her head.

Wraith, the nickname she had apparently earned after she had gotten unattainable inside information from the competing company belonging to Pekka Rollins. 

“In and out like a ghost, looks like a bonus is in it for you this year, Wraith.” He had said. She had rolled her eyes, trying to let the flush of pleasure at his attention roll off her shoulders. 

Inej did try to keep her distance from Brekker. But he needed her to be his shadow. To have ears open and watchful eyes at important meetings or inside another company’s walls. And she wasn’t completely blind, she noticed the sharp lines and tailored edges that formed his face and the way that his dark brown eyes analyzed and calculated everything. 

But even with the face of some dark angel, he was cold, cruel, and entirely-obsessed with money-- or that’s what she told herself. Because even with all the reasons to not have feelings for Kaz Brekker, all it took was the smallest hints of his whole trust in her and her trust in him to break those walls down.

“I didn’t want Jesper and Wylan to die in a fiery crash, so I offered to drive them.” She said simply sipping her cup. 

“Always the noble one,” The rough timbre of his voice vibrated through her and she wanted to close her eyes and revel in it.

“Someone has to be.” 

“One can’t be rich and noble, dear Inej. And between rich and noble, I’d rather be rich.”

Inej scoffed and turned her head to give him a searing look, but then stopped short when she noticed that Kaz wasn’t wearing a shirt. Kaz Brekker, the master of the fine Italian silk, the young man who had a very specific personal space issue, and the champion of keeping it professional was not wearing a shirt and that very fact alone knocked Inej’s breath out of her chest.

The hard planes of his chest and the pale muscles of his abdomen were gleaming dimly with sweat, and his hair was pushed away from his face in an effort to keep the sweat away from his face. Lean corded muscles were unfairly put on display as he leaned against the wall next to her with his arms crossed, and when a drop of sweat rolled from his brow down his neck Inej couldn’t help but stare at it.

Inej coughed uncomfortably, trying to grasp at something to say.

 “A-All the money in the world and you couldn’t afford to fix the heating?” She finally muttered.

At this Kaz’s shark eyes roamed over the barely dressed, sweating crowd, and fell back on Inej. He felt his gaze take in the length of her dress and the smooth curve of her neck, and it wasn’t until his eyes met hers that she realized she was holding a breath.

“I’m not sure all the money in the world could have given me quite a view like this, Wraith.” 

He had walked away then. She didn’t know to where or what he was going to do. But she followed his movements, watching his muscled back, as he dodged the sweaty bodies and left the room entirely that she expelled the tension. It wasn’t until the temperature in the room miraculously changed after his disappearance that Inej fully processed what had just happened.

Kaz Brekker had complimented her. The cold-hearted Scrooge of Christmas had come up to her half naked and looking like a man strewn from stone, and complimented her. And for what it’s worth, Inej just drank the rest of her soda and almost wished that the heating would be broken forever.