#kikitalksbad

[aikycosette]

Btw i did this to my bed and I am obsessed love the curtain so much Is like a Little Cloud where I can disappear from real Life troubles

[kikicossette]

when you are so paranoid that you starts imagine someone you know have a fake account to spy you on tumblr and then you realize nobody will never give a fuck about spy you lol

[aikycosette]

We are very down the hole

Feeling alone sad and a bit Dumb

Really Need to start therapy but don't trust to put Money on someone I don't know the skills or compatibility with me

[aikycosette]

Ready to bite u 🌈

[aikycosette]

Another incredible talent of mine Is to do huge mistakes when I try to do nice things for others

So in the end seems I Just wanted to create problems instead of help

[aikycosette]

U know what's funny abt Life

One bad things happens and seems so unbearable but then a worst Ones happens and the First ones seems not so important anymore and goes on this way Forever until u finally die

[aikycosette]

Have u ever felt like a rotting fruit, and have the Need to push Away from all the other beautiful fruits or u Will root them too and Paint urself in vibrant colors to Hide ??

[aikycosette]

Finally alone and depressed enought to write here again

[aikycosette]

I Guess my wildest Dream Is that one day someone would love me so much that would want to find my Tumblr and actually read all that shit I wrote until now, Just for the desire to really knowing me as much as they can.

Isn't that unbelievable beautiful?

[aikycosette]

Wondering what other people think all day about

[aikycosette]

Look how cute and confused they are

PS : check the previous post for explanation of the pic

[aikycosette]

I am sitting on the sofa pretending being busy with my phone cause my bf and his Friend are planning a holiday together and they don't reply/ acknowledge my presence anymore, and since they don't see each other often and I know this holiday together Is something they wanted to do for a long time I don't wanna ruin the vibe but I really don't know what to do anymore, Will probably scroll on Tumblr for another couple of hours ( not meant to be a complain I Just think Is weird how easily i feel trapped in social situations sometimes)

[aikycosette]

Dear Diary

I am pretty positive about my future plans, I wanna post more about nature, travels and my art project.

I will create a series of Illustrations based on my old watercolor creatures and make them like a children’s book about the discover of this imaginary world with all sort of creatures that live in my mind and how they live and interact with each other. I am very happy that I finally figured out how I wann go no in my Art projects.

Meanwhile I am upgrading my portfolio in order to start a more serious career in children’s book Illustrations and being able to get more high level jobs in the field. Even tho the idea of it is very well thinked, I feel so behind everybody all the time, like I missed so many things, and even when I reach some goals is so late they doesn’t even matter. Does any of you feel the same?

I also feel very old and that is hard that I could actually accomplish anything at all now. sorry for the sad note at the end, but I like to be able to be honest here.

I would love to know how you all are doing and how is your life changed since I haven’t been here for a while, feel free to message me I feel a bit lonely lately.

[aikycosette]

Dear diary

Facing the reality of the situation Is not really Easy for me. I am working on upgrading my portfolio in order to find some real job in the field and kinda test how publishing Company would react to me, I am very scared cause I am now conscious that It can all dall' apart. This last sprinkle of happiness in my Life can collapse like all the rest and I Will have failed once again.

I have started to think about possibilities if that's really happen and I cannot work as Illustrator anymore, which Is already and upgrade comparse to my First reaction....

My ideas for now are

1 work in a library I like the idea and I think I can keep draw for myself

2 move country and have a hateful job, If I have to hate what I do all day at least I want to be paid fairly and Enjoy my free time maybe Discover a new country Will make me a bit happy

3 being homeless artist

Not much for now as ideas, but Is ok, Is not sure that I Will fail yet so I can still have some hopes. I can Say now that maybe in 2 months I Will know

And Is Just very overwhelming all the time every day I cannot stop thinking about that...

Any advice Is welcome Hope your day Is going well and that I didn't borse you with my rant.

[aikycosette]

old sketch from the fairy project I never commited to... I finished only this piece in watercolor, maybe is time to start again and see what I can do with the project

[aikycosette]

Dear diary

Finally I am in a healty mentally space enough for start writing here again, I use to be very present in my blog, but the latest years I was struggling with my own issue so much that I felt so suffocate even Just thinking of open my social. I wasn't able to make a photo of me that I didn't hate, I had many problems with my work and felt unsure of all my life choices. Took me a while and therapy to feel like I have a reason to go again, but in the last day I remember how good I use to feel when I share my artistica process on this platform expecially cause It was the One I felt more free to share on. And I am now able to start again, I tried many times before, so I Hope Is not a false start again, but I am pretty confident that this time Is different, I feel very positive and full of ideas for my art. Sorry for the long text, I Just wished to be able to explain ti anyone Who was really curios about 😊