#kjshkjfshhld

[cosmicallyavg]

the master saying “if i cant be the doctor, neither can you” is so raw because he literally tried to become the doctor before, as missy, through actions - being “good”, saving people, etc etc. ultimately the past caught up to her and she regressed back into her old ways (but in the end, she did help the doctor, the doctor doesnt know that). 

then the master found out about the timeless child, realized that his devotion to the time lord empire has all been for nothing, because it was built on lies, built on the pain and suffering of the doctor. that a piece of the doctor is in him and he wouldnt be who he is without the doctor, which in a way has always been true, but never as true as it is now.

revealing all of this to the doctor should break her down to his level, right? telling her all about the lives she never knew and everything that was done to her/the child would ruin her own perception of who she is, because there are so many memories lost. to him, the doctor is the doctor because of everything she has done, the past defines who the doctor is. with so much of her past hidden, how can she continue to be who she’s built herself up to be?

but he’s wrong. the doctor isnt the doctor solely due to the memories. the doctor is the doctor because she helps people, does good where good can be done. even if her definition of “good” isnt absolute, the point is that she tries. 

he thinks he has brought her down to his level when theyre in the matrix, and shes threatening him with the death particle. he wants her to pull the trigger, wants her to kill them both. its what hes always wanted, isnt it? their deaths together. “become death, become me” 

but she cant. she cant bring herself down to that level. in a way, maybe he has broken her, trying to get her to make that decision, you can see the way she almost pulls the trigger, up until he says those four words. its then that the doctor realizes it would give him what he wants, the ultimate destruction of who the doctor is at her own hand. its then that she falters. 

the master then takes it upon himself to destroy the doctor at the very root of it all. he brings some of her old companions back, tries to pit them against her, he wants to become her in the most literal but also metaphorical sense in order to ruin everything she has ever stood for, to ruin her reputation. because if a piece of her has been in him since the beginning, he can never get rid of her in a physical sense. her death wouldnt erase him of her completely.

he takes her identity, becomes her. he plays into the role of the doctor the best he can, wants to have a companion, wants to travel the stars and get into mischief under the guise of the doctor. he doesnt have to worry about trying to become good for the doctor’s sake, he can continue on has he has done and there will be no doctor trying to stop him. 

her friends come together to undo what hes done. the universe needs the doctor. the doctor is the doctor because of the friends shes made along the way . the doctor is the doctor because of love. and the master doesnt have that, cannot have that. “dont let me go back to being me” the master loathes who hes become, after everything he had built his identity around was destroyed, he had nothing to fall back on other than his hatred for the doctor, his jealousy of the doctor. 

if the doctor couldnt become him, maybe he could become her - he doesnt want to be the master anymore. so then if he couldnt become the doctor, then she shouldnt be the doctor either. it ultimately comes down to him wanting the destruction of the both of them and going trough any means to make it happen. in the end, this time, it did happen. for them, its a neverending cycle of death and betrayal and their friendship and their love for each other but also the hatred, the animosity, they always find their way back to each other. but perhaps not this time.

because the means he went through to make it happen, i doubt the doctor is ever going to forgive him.