#know im saying all this w a sink full of dishes still to do but. im so angry and sad rn like fucking stop!!!!! or at least ljke stop

[pepprs]

ive already used this one but

[justisaisfine]

i love your bro au! one question that i havent seen asked yet : how was it on the night they left? did their parents see them? did some bros want to stay/were to scared to leave? did roman find the flat right away or did they have to stay in a hotel at first? how did each bro react to the fact that they were out? sorry that's a lot of questions but im curious!!!

Okay so I wanted to write down the gist of it and then it got long so heres a bunch of words that maybe makes sense im no writer hahaha

tw for abuse and stuff!!!!

They moved out in May, near the end of school. Roman is 15, Logan 13, Patton 9 and Virgil 5. Virgil isn’t in school yet(his bday being in the middle of school year he wouldve been too young to start that year) so he stays home with their mother while the bros go to school.

It’s past lunch, V is already up since morning because then he gets to mind his own thing since the mom doesnt get up till the afternoon.

Mom wakes up and goes to the kitchen, where V is quietly drawing at the table. she reeks of hungoverness and starts making herself mac/cheese or w/e

Notices Virgil at the table, she seems unusually calm and a bit slow and goes “GUess I should probably feed you” so she makes him a plate and shoves it on the table.

While she makes her own plate V gets up to get himself a fork from the pile of clean dishes on the counter (Logan made them the night before)

but it gets caught on something and makes a plate fall and break.

She starts screaming then. While he tries to pick up the broken pieces, frantically apologizing

She’s saying shit like “I feed you and this is how you repay me huh??” “Dont you know these things costs money you freeloader?”

Shes getting worked up and is obv still quite drunk but Virgil is used to screaming and is almost done picking up the mess when another plate crashes right besides him.

He flinches away, cutting his hands and dropping the shards- When he looks up his mom already has another plate in hand “This is what we do with our shit now right?” she yells and throws it again

Virgil scurries away from her now but she keeps going,

He tries to plea her to stop, keeps apologizing- hes crying and nearly panicking now but she doesnt even seem to hear him anymore and just keeps breaking dishes on him

——-

The brothers come back home from school then, and can hear crashes and yelling from outside

Roman sprints inside and loses his shit on their mother when he hears Virgil screaming

He wrestles the dish out of her hands and she just storms out, shoving Logan and Patton out of her way. They hear the door slaming and her car starting so they relax a bit-

Except Virgil is nearly catatonic now, trembling and whimpering at every movement the others make and clutching himself in fear. His eyes are unfocused and he doesnt react to Roamn’s voice when he tries to soothe him.

——-

After the initial shock, Roman carefully gathers Virgil in his arms and brings him upstairs to patch him up, with Logan and Patton on his heels

He’s oddly silent as he moves almost with muscle memory to bandage V.

But then he tells Logan to get their backpacks and start packing “The very bare necessities”

They go back and forth for a bit;

“Roman what-” “We’re leaving, Logan, we can’t stay here anymore” “Roman we have no where to go” “Is that worst than here?? Look at Virgil, Logan!– we’ll find a place- there’s a shelter near the train station” “That’s on the other side of town!” “Good then! The farther the better”  

Logan’s about to say something else but Patton speaks up softly then

“I want to leave too- I can help pack” and he’s gone to their room

Logan sighs and looks back at Roman

“I hope you know what youre doing Roman” “ ’ve got Not a clue, no” “Good thing you have me then huh?”

And just like that they’re packing (”no Pat-sorry we cant bring any toys” “Bring extra blankets okay?”)

they also pack some food- peanut butter, granola bars, water bottles etc and also raid the meds cabinet because they know that shits expensive.

Roman sneaks into their parents’ bedroom and takes the stash of liquid cash he know they hide there. 

Plus the money he made with summer jobs

——-

They walk to the shelter where they stay fro 5 days.

Logan finds the flat from the library computer

They get lots of weird looks and questions thrown their way but Roman’s a very good actor and lies about his age, says he has a job and pays the down payment and the landlord’s happy with just that. (he’s had worst tenants tbh)

Roman lets Logan and Patton have a week off of school but forces them back.

He quits school and starts looking for full time jobs. (which takes him a week to find- people apparently do have a softer heart when you bring in your baby brother when job hunting) 

——-

Roman doesnt have time to let the events sink in with all the paperwork and job hunting, but when it does, they’re all on the couch and he’s just so glad they’re all safe.

Logan immediately goes into research mode and looks up tips and how to’s on how to live on a budget

Patton has to be sat down and explained very thoroughly the situation but he accepts it with stride and surprising cheer.

Virgil takes a bit to adjust. He got very shaken by that night’s events and it took a while for him to come back from his kind of numb state. 

They’re all very jumpy and suspicious about what if their parents are trying to find them, but it calms down after two weeks with nothing on the news about four missing kids.

[ghostwinchesters]

lost in the in-between, or so it seems // i'm out of control

@sahwen​ asked: “That’s it. If you throw up on more time we’re going to the hospital.” with sam and cas? platonic or romantic, either is good!

anonymous asked: “If you didn’t just blink I would’ve sworn you were dead, that’s how sickly you’re looking. Go to bed, please!” w whoever ?? i rlly like that prompt sldkfjlskf

im allegedly still alive yo

it’s s8 trials!sam + samcasdean but like,, vv queer platonic which i fuckin love okay. he’s doing terrible both physically and mentally and dean and cas are desperately trying to take care of him and obviously there’s some vomiting so like,,,,, , just a warning my dudes xoxo

ao3

Sam is sitting huddled at one of the library tables, chilled despite the blanket wrapped around his shoulders and the burning heat of his feverish body. He’s clutching a bloody tissue in one hand in case he needs to cough up his lungs again, but the other hand is methodically flipping pages and scrolling through his laptop. Maybe he should sleep.

Maybe he should die.

Dean is sitting in the war room, doing G-d only knows what on his laptop, but he keeps glancing at Sam every few minutes—if not every few seconds— to make sure he’s okay. Or at the very least not collapsing. He’s probably also hoping that Sam will eat a little more than one g-ddamn bite of the grilled cheese sandwich he’d brought him two hours ago for dinner. And Sam wants to, for Dean if not for himself, but he can’t bring himself to do it. The smell and the sight itself makes his stomach turn a little, and he can’t.

Sam sees Castiel come into the war room and talk quietly to Dean out of the corner of his eye, and that probably means they’re both gonna come in here and try to take care of him. It’s sweet, but Sam doesn’t even deserve it.

And they’re both so worried about him. It makes him feel terrible, even though the rational part of his brain is telling him that it’s illogical. That they’re two grown people who can decide who or what they want to worry about. That, possibly, he even deserves the worry. The last one is the hardest to believe, and maybe it’s really not coming from the rational part of his brain.

Castiel and Dean are walking into the library, which means Sam was right.

“Yo, Sam, you gotta eat something, man.” Dean is staring at him, his jaw obviously clenched, trying to keep himself from going into full on Big Brother mode.

“If you didn’t just blink, I would’ve sworn you were dead, Samuel.” Castiel touches his shoulder gingerly, almost like he’s scared Sam is just gonna… shatter and turn to dust. “That’s how sickly you’re looking. Go to bed, please!”

Sam knows how awful he looks. He’s refused to look in a mirror in over a week and every time he accidentally catches a glance he just wants to shrink into himself because he knows and it almost makes him feel ashamed because he can barely do the basics like brush his hair and wash his face. Shame and guilt are apparently his main emotions currently.

“I’m fi—” He starts coughing again and instead of letting them see the kleenex with the blood splotches on it and making them more worried, he coughs into his elbow, which is a mistake because he now has splatters of red on his pink flannel.

Dean’s whole face crashes with concern but he laughs shakily. “Oh, yeah, Sammy. Spitting blood out onto your clothes is totally fine.” Sam attempts a weak smile, and that breaks Dean completely because he’s kneeling next to Sam’s chair and holding his hand a little too tightly. “Sam, what the hell, just let us take care of you for once. Please.”

“You don’t have to, Dee. It’s okay.”

“Sammy…” Dean always complains about Sam’s puppy dog eyes, but Dean. G-d, Dean puts everything into his pleading when he deems it’s necessary.

Sam nods hesitantly, and Cas, who’s been standing there with his hand on Sam’s shoulder this whole time, helps him stand up. “You need sleep, but as Dean said, you should eat something first. Does… anything sound appealing?”

“Uh… Just not something greasy? I don’t… Actually whatever, I’ll just eat a little of whatever you give me.”

“Nuh-uh, Sammy. You’re telling us what you want, and you’re not gonna feel bad about it.” Dean is glaring at him, but it’s a… kind, concerned glare.

“Uhm… Not anything super greasy because it makes me feel kinda nauseous.” Sam notices Dean glance at the grilled cheese sandwich on the table and wince. “Maybe uhh… some fruits? Or something? Really it’s fi—” This time his “fine” gets interrupted by Cas kissing his cheek quickly instead of another coughing fit, which is a relief, really.

They help him to their room, the biggest bedroom in the bunker, where they have two beds pushed together so it’s big enough for the three of them. Dean follows Castiel out because “he wants to do something for Sam” despite Castiel’s protests.

Sam smiles and shakes his head slightly as they argue down the hall and let’s himself sink into the pillow. It’s soft and nice, and Sam is so tired, but he can’t sleep because 1) Dean and Cas want him to eat and 2) it’s hard for him to sleep alone right now. He can’t really do it when he’s feeling this shitty.

He glances down at his pink flannel and feels a flash of disappointment, which just adds to the feeling of despair and exhaustion, because it’s one of his favorite shirts and now it has blood on the sleeve.

“Cas fuckin’ kicked me out of the kitchen. Said I’d—” Sam looks up as Dean airquotes “—make it take longer.” He sits down on the bed next to Sam shaking his head. “I’m good at slicing fruits and shit. Hell, I make food for you all the time! I’m perfectly capable!”

Sam is trying to hide a grin, and Dean rolls his eyes at him. “Hey, it’s not funny!” He knows it’s more about Dean just wanting to be helpful than the actual cooking thing but it’s still amusing.

“It kinda is actually.”

Dean makes a face before his eyes slide down to Sam’s flannel. “You love that shirt…” He meets Sam’s gaze again. “I can get the blood out if you want…?” His eyes look hopeful and expectant and Sam nods.

“You’d do that?”

“Anything for my little brother.”

Sam winces as he sits up, and Dean gently unbuttons the front and gets it off Sam. “You maybe want a clean hoodie and sweats? Sleeping in jeans is bullshit.”

Sam sighs in exasperation but he appreciates it. “I… yeah, sure.”

Dean helps him tug the white shirt he was wearing under the flannel off and finds him a freshly washed sweater before getting him to his feet and trying to help him change out of his jeans even though Sam just shakes his head because he’s making it more complicated. Sam crashes back onto the bed, a little harder than he intended because his tiredness just made him drop. “Dude, be careful, dammit.” Dean pulls the blanket over Sam’s shoulder and presses his lips against his hair. “I’ll be back in a sec, and I swear I’m getting that blood out of your flannel. I’ve gotten blood out of so many clothes, I’m practically an expert.” He flashes him a grin and leaves with the shirt.

Castiel comes back a little after Dean leaves with a bowl of fruit salad on top of a tray. “Where’s Dean?”

“Washing my shirt since you shoved him out of the kitchen.”

Cas shakes his head with a dramatic eyeroll and sits down, putting the tray on Sam’s lap after he sits up against the headboard. “I hope this tastes good and won’t make you feel sick?”

“Thank you, Cas.”

“Of course.”

Sam’s too tired and wrecked to eat it all but he manages to swallow down more than half of it but it’s better than usual. He feels even more tired after Cas leaves to put the dishes away, turning off one of the bedside lights so it’s dimmer, but it’s a more content exhaustion now except for the uncomfortable churning in his stomach after actually eating again.

“Hey,” Dean whispers as he walks into the room and Sam squints his eyes open from where he was trying to fall asleep alone. “I got your flannel all cleaned up and it’s drying now.” Sam smiles softly in thanks. Dean strips down to his boxers and slips under the blankets.

“Dude, Dean, you don’t have to sleep yet. It’s barely nine.”

Dean grins his lopsided grin and curls up against Sam, his chest radiating welcome heat again Sam’s back through his sweater. “You sleep better with people and besides, I’m getting old and maybe I need to sleep more.” Sam can feel his lips twist into a smile against his neck and he shakes his head.

“Okay, old man.”

When Castiel comes to bed Sam pulls him as close as he can, feeling even colder than usual.

“G-d, you’re a fucking furnace, Sammy,” Dean whines but he doesn’t move away. “Like, more than usual. You okay, man?”

“I’m fine. My stomach feels a little weird but it’s okay.”

“Are you sure, Sam?” Castiel shifts against him and Sam nods.

“Yeah, really, I’m okay.”

Cas makes a noise like he’s not sure he believes him but neither of them say anything and Sam falls asleep for the first time in almost forty hours.

He wakes up to feeling straight up nauseous and he awkwardly clambers to his knees, almost elbowing Dean in the face and definitely kneeing Cas in the stomach.

“Sam-Sammy?” Dean mumbles, confused and half asleep. Castiel who wasn’t really asleep as so much as lying there with his eyes closed sits up and grabs Sam’s arm.

“Bathroom, G-d, fuck, I need to get to the bathroom.” He stumbles to his feet with Castiel still holding onto his arm and at this point Dean’s protective instinct has overridden his lack of consciousness and he’s off the bed.

“Sammy, what’s wrong?”

“I feel really sick, man, I don’t know.” Another wave of nausea hits him and he has to bite down on his tongue to keep from vomiting right here and now in the hallway. He pulls away from Castiel, somehow thinking that’ll help him get through the door to the bathroom quicker. Cas catches him as he drops to his knees in front of the toilet, barely pulling his hair away from his face before Sam throws up the little food he forced himself to swallow down.

Dean’s next to Sam and pushing away a few extra strands of hair from his sweaty forehead when he stops dry heaving. He groans and presses his forehead against the toilet seat. He feels exhausted, which is a normal feeling but it’s worse all of a sudden.

“Do you want some water?” Cas doesn’t even wait for a reply before leaving the bathroom and Sam mumbles a raspy thank you after him.

Dean rubs his back slowly, trying to help him relax. “Shh, it’s okay, Sammy. Just take some deep breaths.”

“G-d, Dean, I feel so sick.” Sam knows he sounds whiney but he can’t actually bring himself to care enough to stop.

“I know and I’m sorry,” Dean says quietly, still rythmically running his hand over Sam’s shoulder. “You’ll feel better here in a little bit, okay? You’ll be fine.”

Castiel comes back with the water and Sam gulps it down quicker than he should, his throat aching. He’s not sure whether it hurts more before, during, or after and for some reason he laughs; it’s a little high pitched and delirious. “It’s gonna come up again in a second.”

Dean gives him a concerned smile. “Jesus, okay.”

It takes closer to thirty seconds, but he vomits again, and by now both Castiel and Dean are on the tile, trying to soothe him by rubbing his back and keeping his hair out of his face. A hand presses against his hot forehead and he thinks it’s Castiel. “That’s it. If you throw up one more time, we’re going to the hospital.

“No, Cas, please. No—” He coughs. “Please don’t take me to the hospital. Please. They can’t do anything anyway.”

“Okay, shh, it’s okay. We won’t go then.” Castiel runs his fingers through Sam’s greasy hair gently. “It’s okay.”

Sam gives him a weak smile but it breaks into a another painful round of spitting absolutely nothing into the toilet bowl. “Could you… Could you get more water maybe?” He looks up at Cas pleadingly.

He ends up throwing that up too, but he’s slowly starting to feel a little less absolutely and completely horrible. Dean’s tugging on his shoulders and pulling him back against him and Sam just lets himself collapse against his chest. This time when he opens his mouth, it’s a tired fucking yawn.

“Hey, if you’re feeling okay enough to get up, you need to get to bed, big guy,” Dean whispers softly and Sam nods a little. Castiel grips his hand and they both help him back to their room after he washes his face by the sink.

Sam presses his face against Dean’s neck and he can feel the comforting thereness of Castiel against his back and he lets out a sigh of what might actually be contentedness.

lol validation welcome // come talk to me [peace sign]

[kpurereactions]

HomeSweetJin

Jin

Summery: Jin is the best surprise you could have even asked for

W/C: 2230

You had had a long, hard day at work. Working for your fathers company was something you never wanted to do but you needed the money so you could support you're livelihood. And at the end of the day all you wanted to do was go home, see your boyfriend and go to sleep. But Jin was away. He'd been away for three weeks now which made your life even more stressful. You'd never admit this to him in fear of his head getting to big, but he was the light of your life.

You opened the door to your one bedroom apartment with sloppy hands, cussing as the door flew open and your keys dropped to the floor. You kicked your shoes off and threw your bag on the floor all while rubbing your face, not caring if you rubbed your makeup down your cheeks. You stopped looking towards your  living room. Something was off.

"Jagiya! Surprise!!!" Jin said pooping out of the kitchen so fast and with so much noice you couldn't help the scream that left your lips as you fell to the floor. You couldn't help but laugh at yourself for being so startled, all of your worries disappearing in a second. You felt his hands reach out and you responded by wrapping your arms around his neck as he laughed. He picked you up from the ground and swayed you back in fourth in his arms.

"I'm making dinner." He said and you chucked again noticing the pink apron that was tied around his waist.

"Why are you so good to me." You said as he dipped down to press his lips to yours. Your stomach flipped at this. He wasn't able to touch you without a bundle of butterflies exploding in your stomach, again something you would never admit to him.

The two of you walked back to the kitchen and you hoisted yourself on the counter listening to Jin talk about his surprise and how he had everyone lie to you so he could fully convince you there was an extra week to be added onto your waiting. He then went on to tell you about a few of the funny things that had happened while he was away. You listened and would laugh with him but you could only fully focus on his lips and how he would laugh at his own stories. After putting the noodles in the boiling water and turning the homemade sauce on simmer he made his way back over and stepped between your legs. He smiled up to you before turning his head to kiss the inside of your hand that reached up for his cheek.

"I missed you so much, you know." He said more seriously.

"Not as much as I missed you." You said as he started to run his long fingers across the skin of your exposed back.

"Why would you wear a shirt like this to work?" He said with a testing smile.

"Im trying to get fired so I don't have to work for my dad anymore." You joked making him laugh again.

"As soon as there is a position with us open for you thats worth quitting your job for you know you can have it. I just can't have your dad hating me now." he said still tracing circles on your back.

"Jin, he loved you so much. The son I never had." You said mimicking your dads deep voice causing Jin to chuckle.

He placed a kiss on your lips before turning back to the stove to quickly stir the food before walking back over to you. He pressed himself in-between your legs and rested his head on your chest allowing him to hear your heartbeat and you to kiss the top of his head. You felt him smile again through your shirt.

"Why are you so smiley today?" You said causing him to nestle further into your chest.

"Im just excited for desert." He said.

"Ohh, whats for desert?" You said smiling.

"You."

Dinner was not what you originally what you thought it was going to be. With Jin's last comment you couldn't help but squirm in your seat every time he looked at you. He had set a mood and until it was acted upon everything to you was uncomfortable. Jin had hardly swallowed his last bite of food before you were standing up and placing your dish and his in the sink.

"You're eager." He said standing up and folding his arms. You didn't say anything, instead you walked up to him and took ahold of his hand and pulled him along with you to the bedroom.

"Jagiya, take a breath." He said pulling you to a stop once you entered the bedroom. He placed a hand on your cheek and smiled sweetly. "Go lay down."

You followed his instructions and moved to the bed and laid on your side as you watched him walk over to your array of candles. Slowly he lit each one which instantly filled the room with the sweet sent of  woods and flowers. He move up to you and place himself in front of you. He smiled again once he was next to you, but even his sweet smile couldn't help the feeling in the pit of your stomach that needed attention at that very moment.

Jin scooted closer to you and used one of his fingers to brush aside a strand of hair. His finger trailed from behind your ear to your chin where he lifted it slightly so he could have full access of your mouth. He kissed you gently and you took a deep breath as the butterflies exploded once more. This kiss was different than the ones from the kitchen. Though they weren't rough they had so much need behind them as he pressed his lips to yours in a way that made you eventually roll to your back so he now hovered above you. Your arms trailed up his arms and across his broad shoulders before they wrapped themselves around his neck bringing his chest down to yours. The feeling of him on top of you was something that was always a comfort to you. Something that you missed very much.

The butterflies erupted again as one of his hands trailed up your side and under your shirt till he was met with the thin lace of the bandeau you were wearing. The lace didn't stop him though, he kept pushing his hand up until his hand rested under the lace. You knew he wanted you to be naked already so he could touch as much of your skin as he could, but you also knew rushing into things sometimes made him nervous and unless he was initiating the quickness of things you felt it better to just let him take charge. That being said, his slow motions were usually what turned you on the most. As attractive as it was to have him basically ripping your clothes from your body there was something to say about his gently touch. It was hard to fight him when every move he made was with so much thought and love.

When he finally pulled his hand from under your shirt and sat you up you knew lifting your arms for him to undress you was the next step. He smiled as he pulled the garment from your body slowly before taking his own shirt off and once again leaning down to let his skin press against yours. Your pants were the next thing to go and once again he undressed you slowly making sure to kiss every part of your body before returning back to your lips. You ran your hands up and down his back as he kissed you before bringing your hands between the two of you. You started to undo his pants and when he let you fully unzip his pants he rolled the two of you over so taking his pants off would be simple.  

You couldn't help but blush at the fact his member was already standing at attention. He wanted you just as much as you wanted him. Jin pulled you back down and after you reconnected your lips with his you swung your leg over his lap and sunk down till you were hardly touching his member. You lightly grazed yourself against it till a moan finally left his mouth, you loved to hear him moan. This sense of vulnerability was something you held very dear to your heart, especially since he was such a public figure. He moved his hands to your hips and asked you to drop all the way, which you were more than happy to do. His hands followed the movements of your hips as you continued to kiss him. Soon you were moving so feverishly over his member he had to stop you to prevent the fun from being over too soon.

He flipped you onto your back again and propped himself up with one arm to support him as he died his head to kiss along your neck, saving the sweet spot behind your ear for last. While he did this his hand traveled up your sides again till his fingers met the lace once more. He kissed you again before his hands started to kneed at one of your breasts causing your breathing to get heavy and frustrated at the fact he wasn't touching your skin. Jin seemed to read your mind as he reached under you to unclasp your bra and pull it off. He reconnected his hands with your chest as his lips moved once again from  your mouth to your neck. The connection was once again broken as his fingers started to trail down your body till they hooked around your panties. He took no hesitation this time to pull them off of you and was even quicker to rub your slit gently. His lips returned to yours and you couldn't help but moan into his mouth as he started to pump a single long finger into your already dripping core. You hips rolled with his hands and you quickly pushed him off of you, tired of the foreplay.

You reached for his boxers and bit your lip as he smiled at your eagerness. Pulling them down you looked from his member and bent down to kiss the throbbing tip before he pulled you onto your back. You giggled at him and wrapped your arms around his neck as he bet down to kiss you again. You almost forgot the nakedness of Jin above you but the moment he started to line himself up with  you, you couldn't help but let out another moan.

"God I love you so much." He said in a husky voice after entering all the way into you, pausing to give you a second to adjust to his length.

You tried to respond but the sudden movement of his pumping forced the words back down your throat. Each pump was quicker than the last as his aggressive side started to peak through. He rubbed one of his hands up and down your side while the other braced himself up against the bed. His eyes were dark now as he started down at you. You couldn't look away from his gaze, but the pleasure running through your body would cause you to arch your back and close your eyes.

"Jin." You breathed as he pulled you closer to him so he could get even deeper.

"Yes baby." He said, but once again before you could answer he reached down to your clit and another wave of pleasure shot through your body and your back arched as you started to climb to your high.

Between the swift motion of his hips hitting yours and the gentle rubbing of his fingers it didnt take long for you to melt over him. You gave one last shaky moan before your body arched and your orgasm hit you full force. Seeing you moaning in pleasure set Jin over the edge and with one long low shaky moan he released into you.

Almost immediately after he removed himself from you he was lifting you in in his arms and carrying you to the bathroom. You gasped before laughing and hitting his chest as you noticed he had taken the time to set up the bathroom with roses and more candles. He set you on the counter and started the bath and once there was enough water he dropped a bath bomb in the water. He walked back over to you and wrapped his arms around your bare waist. He left down to kiss you gently.

"I love you." You said kissing him gently.

"I love you more."

You let him pull you off the counter and guide you to the tub where he sat you down between his legs. You tiled your head back so you were resting against his shoulder and sighed as he gently lifted the water to your skin. You let your fingers trace over his exposed knee and smiled as he wrapped his arms around you and squeezed your shoulders all while peppering kisses down your neck. You sat up and flipped yourself over so your chests were now pressed together. You kissed him deeply once before pulling up and biting your lip.

"Round two?"

[unproduciblesmackdown]

yall ive had some shit this shift...i got lectured and vaguely threatened for having to pee a lot which was coz i drink stuff thruout the day like coffee and tea which is Pee City and since ive been on deliveries steadily all day ill be gone on that for ages and have to pee when i get back as well as the other shit i do. like i was literally this afternoon joking w coworkers who are actually cool to me abt how i can be at work for hours before people who have been in the store the whole tkme will realize im even there coz im a) out on deliveries most of the time, like for real if its a busy lunch period i can be at work for 2-3 hrs and actually be in the store 10-20 min and b) when im here im moving around actually doing shit and people have always been saying how its hard to get ahold of me coz im always going around doing shit and thats another reason people dont realize im here and c) people just dont notice me so like today my freakin bad i had to pee a lot coz my only comforting routine in this place besides constant disassociation is working my way thru a drink and i happen to like both coffee and tea even tho it does make me pee and sometimes i get the coffee dumps, truth. so today since ive been in and out on deliveries the whole time and i havent been talking to anyone since none of the people who notice me were much here and since ive been moving around the store since im actually doing shit, i get yelled at for using the bathroom too much.... like i get the issue of people who give themselves Bathroom Breaks which realistically we all do but sometimes people do it too long or whatever and like yeah while im taking a shit i will check my twitter or make a shitpost or something, like we all use our phones throughout the day including the managers and im not gonna feel bad for doing that but i am not thrilled w being accused of using the bathroom needlessly when im using it coz i need to use it....and like not like i can prove im peeing every time coz i'd be glad to give you a urine sample every time but they prob dont want that.... anyways whats real good is how i was just talking the other day about how this one delivery driver who's been here forever and was just given like acknowledgement for being a good employee, i was talking w someone about how like he doesn't actually do shit, and i was like i try desperately to ignore him but now that you mention it i never see him doing anything really? and like if you ask him to do some basic shit we're Supposed to do he wont or he'll ask someone else to do it. and today he was here and when we were slow and i was like washing tables and taking dishes and making coffee I actually paid attention to him and he definitely would just like stand by the computer even tho we had no new orders and then walk to a different spot and then go back to the computer and then walk energetically somewhere else and i think a couple times i saw him carry a few dishes to the sinks. and he's fine and im doing shit and getting lectured for causing issue for not doing my work like granted this was from the same manager who once made me mad for getting on me for Slacking Off coz i was leaning on the bread slicer, which i was leaning on coz i was trying to read the order info on the computer next to it, and was also happy about because i was doing a lot of work that day more than even usual. and another driver complained about her doing that exact same thing aka complaining about Leaning when the driver had been working hard and i was like yep ive had that happen too like now i essentially cant use the bathroom because the fact that i keep myself busy means that most people, who have a tendency to not notice my presence even if i AM standing right there, legit dont know im there and nobody sees me doing any work coz they dont see me coz im doing god damn work........ im annoyed coz like i can think of maybe seven other employees who distinctly notice me and are cool with me and im cool with them, and most other employees are fine and decent to me and stuff but theres a couple people who are shitty including this one guy who just now was talking with this dude who i thought was a decent guy? and they were kind of making fun of me and i went up to the decent guy like hey i was actually right over there and totally heard you guys, coz i was not in the mood, and he just brushed me off and i was like fantastic. plus for some reason the manager who fussed at me decided to do it all formally right before i had to go on a delivery, and so i didnt get enough time to say everything on my mind about my Problems with the fact that this was occurring which i was absolutely going to do in full on account of i think its bullshit and im no longer in the mood in my general life to act like i think that kind of bs is warranted, but before i could talk about it long enough i felt like id said everything i wanted to, she was like ok u gotta go on the delivery and im like you still havent given me that $60 you forgot to cash me out and you're allowed to say what you want and i cant respond? i get that mgmt is bullshit and i had just been talkingn about how mgmt is bs a couple days ago but i just dont care for me personally i am going to answer back. and because of being abused all my life a lot of times i have an automatic response to these kind of situations where i try to speak back and the stress just naturally makes me cry and then i gotta be like sorry im crying its a physiological reflex i earned for being alive. and now that you rushed me out to make a delivery i have to be trying not to cry at work, and extend my cryish period by having to try holding it back, and also extend it on account of im still got damnt pissed about it like god knows im not one to praise myself beyond reason but im a good worker here and ironically that means people might not ever notice it and I've definitely never heard a good word from management about anything i do since i dont even know when and instead i get in trouble coz one day i have to pee, coz other days i also have to pee coz i have established one comforting habit to get through customer service bs where i get weird treatment from other coworkers at least once a day usually and sometimes dont even have a work friend around and so my fucking bad i have coffee i guess like apparently my fuckin problem is that im both quiet almost all the time and keep to myself but also sometimes joke with people or say something to them at all just to be nice coz other coworkers are quiet and dont get shit from people or are always in a less than warm mood and dont get shit about it. i close tomorrow aka there for 10-11 hrs but at least a coworker im work friends with and who has a similar demeanor is around for most of it or i swear to christ. hopefully i ever deliver to someplace with a fucking bathroom coz i guess i cant god damn use ours anymore without being monitored coz im not a good enough worker natcho like i just dont know how im supposed to have my bladder on trial and if managers are only noticing that i pee more than them and not that i do work all day and extend myself to help out when things get dicey, well then like if nobody sees it i sure dont have proof i did it other that remember that time we had a massive dinner rush and i stayed an hr past my shift and was not only the sole person taking food to the tables but also taking dishes back and washing tables and restocking junk in the dining room, no you don't remember because nobody was working beside me and so as far as everyone else knows i did nothing and so anyways too theres nothing for someone with anxiety who worries about being monitored and judged like telling me ive been monitored and judged and now i cant pee anymore, that'll teach me to give myself one nice thing thru-out the day. i also dont have anything to rely on to comfort me after something shitty at work and tragically work is most of my socialization and most of the only thing i "do" and i feel like im being treated kind of crap for the fact that i do put in effort every day to be helpful around there. like thanks that i have to bite the inside of my mouth now coz im trying not to stress / angry cry coz i have nowhere to put it. like i dont care if this manager thinks this shit is part of the job like i deal with enough shit in life right now to Not be angry about this. like boy you guys are really making it hard to think about having to leave this store when i haul off to a different area in just a bit and i honestly dont know about the fact that some people especially this one guy who is just a dick to like everybody keep saying shit comments about me coz they cant see me and im like fuck off. like im honestly sick of it and im sitting on the fact that this dude also has said racist crap ive been an audio witness too and said something racist about a coworker to her face and she told me about it like. management is part of what i'm mad at right now but if im getting narced on for the fact coffee and tea go right thru me then i think i have a complaint here whenever the next time he says some shit is like when i'm here i honestly keep to myself and try to be doing work whenever we need work done and apparently thats why im now getting shit and sorry this post exists and is so long but im real peeved and the only way to put a long rant from me about shit anywhere is to put it here

[greensungnostic]

(Grand)father's day

Well, it's Sunday. You promised the old man you'd come for a visit, have a special little father's day with him. It'll be nice, spending time with him outside of his study. You start things off by shuffling sleepily down to the kitchen, rubbing sleep from your eyes as you start up the stove. In a cast iron skillet, you lay down a few slices of thick bacon, a few rolls of sausage, and once they're starting to sizzle and fill the pan with a cheerfully popping sizzle, you crack a few eggs in the to fry in the fat. Next you add some tomato, a few mushrooms, and a strip of black pudding all together, two servings sizzling merrily away in the large pan. You pop a few slices of bread in the toaster, put on a pot of beans to cook, then put the kettle on while you wait for it all to cook up. A Full English Breakfast, his favourite. Once it's all nice and ready, you butter the toast, cut it into triangles, and plate everything up. With a newspaper tucked under your arm, you gather the pair of plates up, floating your teacups along behind you with your powers. You ascend to the second floor on foot, lightly tapping at it with your toeclaws to announce your presence. You call through the door -

grandpa! its fathers day! i brought you your favourite! breakfast in the study!

You finagle his doorknob with your hands full, using your elbow to twist it just enough to pop the latch and enter into the dim, musty room once more. He's here of course, staring long and thoughtful into the fireplace once more, which flares into life when you approach. He never seems to get tired of that trick! You set the plates down at the desk, pulling up the stiff side chair to face it.

oh come on i know you are busy but it is your fathers day breakfast, at least come over here!

He makes no moves from his firewatching vigil, so you roll your eyes and push him over there directly, leaving him standing behind his desk, looking at the pleasant tendrils of fragrant steam rising from his plate. He doesn't sit - never has been one to sit for anything but the fanciest meals. But you do sit, tucking into the hearty meal with a soft smile on your face. You don't go to the trouble of a Full English very often, but it is good. You can see why it's his favourite. He doesn't seem very hungry - he scarcely seems to want to touch it - but you can tell from the twinkle in his eye that he appreciates it all the same.

are you gonna finish that bacon and sausage? no? okay thank you grandpa! hehehe, i know, you dont want to mess up your mustache. it looks very nice today! so sharp, so smart!

You snag his uneaten meats, munching them up, as well as one of his little mushrooms. While you eat, you figure he'd like to hear any new news. You were just here the other day so there's not a ton new, but you can touch on it all the same. It's sweet of him to take interest in his granddaughter's life, after all! You look up at the old man in his Stout Dignity, offering a small smile while you speak.

hmm? no nothing super exciting has happened this week, honestly. just did some more gardening and stuff, you know i love to do that! yes grandpa i make sure im armed. no i dont think every earthworm has a chance to grow - yes i read dune, those dont actually exist or if they do the worms in my soil are not precursors to sandworms!! pffft!

How silly of him, to even think that your garden worms could become shai-hulud.

other than that, ive mostly just been playing this game with some friends! no like an online one! it is called mine craft and it has you... well, mine ores and craft things out of them! theres lots of adventure, monsters to fight, and more! yes im well armed ive got a magic bow and sword! i might be one of the better strife combatants on the server honestly. i run around on a horse named hubble, exploring for resources and building tunnels and quarries and supplying people with stuff! its really fun, id only ever played it alone before recently. you might not like it though, theres no guns! just bows and crossbows. maybe some could be modded in though! or shoot fireworks at people!

He seems interested, though a dourness seems to befall him when he hears there's no firearms. Maybe it's not a good idea, he'd probably kill all the cute non dog animals. At least he seems tickled by your horse's name. Always naming things for scientists, it's the Harley way. You put your fork and knife down, stacking his half full plate atop your empty one to do away with them both - a quick zap of dishes into the sink. You down your tea, then do the same with the cup. You rise up, looking up at the towering old gentleman.

so tonight is a werewolf night so i dont have aaaaalll night unless you really wanna see me go full furry and cavort around like a loon, but i thought you might want to spend some time together outside today? i set up a little shooting range so i can show you my marksmanship! wanna go see how im doing? im on my sixth prestige level on riflekind so you could say im pretty good!

Grandpa doesn't seem averse to the idea. He always wants to make sure you're well armed, well prepared, so showing your prowess is likely to be a good activity! You loop your arms around one of his, green lightning dancing around the two of you before the scene suddenly shifts to a spot outside in the fields. The fruits of your gardening labour, both figurative and literal, sprawl out in all directions to the edges of the ship. The Breeze ruffles through your hair and the looser bits of Grandpa's expeditionary outfit, the smell of flowers and vegetation in the air. Dotted here and there, you've set up little dummy copies of monsters - a papier mâché ogre here, a clay swarm of imps, little rudimentary robotic underlings bobbing and weaving as targets. You can tell Grandpa is surveying the targets, his grip on the Blunderbuss tight. But they're not his to destroy, they're yours. You draw out a stopwatch, taking a deep breath to steady yourself. It's quite a stressor, showing off your skills to your Grandfather. Okay, you're ready. You click the starter....

Strife.

Your spring into action, your GIRL’S BEST FRIEND deploying from within your specibus and into your hands. You fire a volley of pinpoint-accurate shots into a swath of imps, each one perfectly removing the heads in a spray of fine dust. You YOUTHROLL as if avoiding a barrage of attacks, stopping on a knee to switch to the GREEN SUN STREETSWEEPER and eviscerate a mechanical lich. You swap through your rifles one by one, blasting apart the targets you've set up, each shot dead in the middle of the bullseyes painted on them. You slide, you run up a tree and jump off to shoot upside down in midair, you rifle butt a basilisk. For a grand finale you light the papier mâché ogre ablaze with a green sun flamethrower to soften it up, then swap to your LITTLE BUSTER guitar-rifle to first ventilate it, then pummel it into cinders with the base of the instrument. You let out a little cheer and stop the stopwatch, dancing on the spot in celebration. You check the timer. 1:34.62. Just over a minute and a half, not bad. You bound back over to Grandpa, a big grin and a light sheen of sweat on your face. You gesture out over the dust of your destruction, other small bots already scurrying out to collect the destroyed targets, the spent casings.

voila!! howd i do grandpa?? not a bad time for all those baddies, if i do say so myself! do you like the bass guitar? it shoots .45s and also grenades from the headstock and its good for bashing with too! it dual-classes as an axekind weapon too, haha... i converted it from a regular old classic rickenbacker myself!

You hold up the LITTLE BUSTER for his perusal. He looks on with what feels like an air of appraisal, as if inspecting your craftsmanship. You stay quiet for a long moment to just let him see, before he seems satisfied. A glint of approval, what might be interpreted as a smile behind your grandfather's dense moustache. He's never been good at praise, but you can tell he's proud.

haha, thank you for coming out and watching, grampa. it means a lot to get to show you that, and all this too! do you like how the gardenship looks? ive been up to my eyebrows in dirt making it all cute! look over there, you can see rip van maple, just growing and growing! technically its only a few years old but the growth acceleration puts it at like three hundred!

You spend the next hour or so pointing out nearby points of interest, talking about the care and maintenance and upkeep of your garden, your robots, even the dogs. As if conjured by the utterance of his name, Becquerel appears, curling up at his master's feet like he's prone to. You scratch between your direwolf sized hound's ears and sit down against him, still quietly talking to grandpa.

so how has work been going in there, grandpa? oh, right i know, business trade secrets, cant discuss them! still i hope you are not working too hard in there. you always seem so lost in thought... maybe looking out the window once in a while instead of into the fireplace would give a fresh perspective! shhh i know it is the favorite spot but still! you might even see me running around from in there, haha...

You sigh, looking up at the imposing figure above you. The wind rustles his mustache, and he stalwartly gazes off into the middle difference. Maybe, he seems to think. Maybe he'll try it out. You can tell he must be getting tired though, time to get back to work. You lightly grasp his shirt hem, and Bec returns all three of you to the study. This time his perch does seem to be near the window, overlooking the grape vines and the little bench you built for Rose, just offset from the pane to spare himself the excess light and the ominous silhouette in the window. You pull a little box from your sylladex, a gift for your beloved Grandpa. You can tell he's too lost in thought to pluck at all the lavish ribbons and paper you've wrapped it in, so you unbox it for him. Within he finds a few Artifacts - the skull of a monster that you put onto his mantlepiece immediately; a bottle of his theoretically favourite Cognac, which you put on a shelf next to a few similar bottles of brown alcohol. Clink. And last but not least, a loud Hawaiian shirt with a computer woven into the threads. It's bright, it's garish, it's absolutely nobody's style. You set this neatly folded on his desk, where he can deal with it at his leisure.

okay grandpa, i know you gotta work... thank you for coming out with me today! it was nice to spend time with you... ill come visit again soon, okay? i love you soooooo much grandpa!! happy fathers and grandfathers day!!

You hesitate, then scurry over and hug the old man, clinging tight to his sturdy frame. A single tear runs down your cheek and musses his khaki attire, but it's only a small watermark. You gaze up at the lofty gentleman, ears angled backwards for a moment, wishing he'd return your affection now and then. But it's alright. It's tough for old men full of machismo to show their love. You know he cares from the wistful look in his eyes. You hold onto his hand for a moment, squeezing gently, then depart. As you go, you hear the soft chime of a wardrobifier, perhaps triggered by the teardrop. You look back, and he's wearing the shirt you got him. With a soft smile you slip from his study and close the door behind you, murmuring one more time -

happy fathers day, to a wonderful grampa...