#knowing that tumblr has been losing money for so long is making me rly afraid of losing it too

[ganondoodle]

so for all that dont know the newest news about twitter, mr.manbaby mc dumbo is shutting down any "microservice" of twitter that he deems irrelevant with his oh so superior way of thinking which has lead to ..

.. 2FA not working properly anymore, meaning alot of people are getting locked out of their accounts completely.

[malter-gervers-blog]

rem & pearl jam !

R.E.M.: What was your biggest heartbreak? Do you like the feeling of leaving for new places, or do you get homesick fast? Are you an optimist or a pessimist, or other? Do you like jazz or classical music? Have you ever been nightswimming?

Pearl Jam: What charity do you donate to (or would like to donate to) most? Do you think art should be a mode of autobiography? What’s the hardest thing you’ve ever survived? Were/are you good at school? Where’s somewhere you’ve always wanted to roadtrip?

Warning: this thread is looong and has a lot of personal shit in it so if you aren’t interested in my rambles, vents, and personal details, avoid this. Some of the answers are kind of a little release for the shit pent up inside, so yeah. This is probably the most personal I’m ever going to get like ever so sorry. Its more for my sanity lmao

What was your biggest heartbreak?

(this one gets like really personal lmao sorry)

Hmm I’m really ugly and awkward, andboys avoid me like a plague. So basically, my romantic life is as dry as theMojave Wasteland.

That’s fine I guess, I don’t think Ihave the capacity to commit to an actual, intimate relationship anymore.Honestly, I don’t think I’ll ever believe the thought of someone wanting topursue a relationship like that with me without some ulterior motive. Even thethought of something mildly intimate like cuddling makes me want to vomit. Idon’t get nauseous any other time.

I guess my first relationship comesinto play here. He didn’t break my heart by breaking up with me, it was just anextremely toxic and dysfunctional relationship. We were both freshmen when wemet. I was essentially manipulated into entering the relationship because hetold everyone we were dating, and I didn’t have the confidence to stand up formyself. He essentially broke every single boundary I had, and I just acceptedit with a smile on my face because “that’s what good girlfriends do”. There wasa lot of manipulation and non-consensual shit that happened. When we broke up, Istill hadn’t accepted my feelings, and fought to keep him in my life as a “bestfriend”.

Ittook me an entire year after we broke up to finally overcome my feelings ofdenial, and come to terms with my actual feelings towards the entirerelationship. I was an idiot and reentered the relationship last summer becauseI was tired of being isolated. My mental state was the worst it had ever been,and he definitely took advantage of it. Let’s just say that every single one ofmy “first times” were taken from me via manipulation. I finally broke up withhim and told him everything, but I couldn’t cut him off. We are still closefriends, but it all haunts me. I’m still in the acceptance stage, slowly movinginto the aftershock stage. Repression is my best friend.

I answered an ask about having regrets.This one kept me up at night the most.

Do you like the feeling of leaving for new places, or do you gethomesick fast?

I love the feeling of leaving for newplaces! I think I’ve only gotten homesick like once, and it was earlier thisyear. My family went to Pennsylvania to visit some family, but when we arrived,there was no one my age for me to talk to. So essentially, for three days, Isat by myself while my sister and parents all had a blast. I found myselfcraving for home, not that it would’ve been any better. I guess the older Iget, the more I appreciate at least some sense of familiarity.

Are you an optimist or a pessimist, or other?

I am a mess. I like to think I’m anoptimist in regard to other people, but a pessimist in regard to myself.

Do you like jazz or classical music?

I like both! However, I haven’tlistened to either in a while… so there isn’t really any point in pickingbetween the two. I like them, but I don’t particularly care much about eitherof them to pick a favorite.

Have you ever been nightswimming?

I have indeed! One of my clearestchildhood memories is swimming at night in a pool at my parents’ old hotel. Mydad had pool lights and those floating, colorful fountains, so going underwaterfelt surreal. I went night-swimming for like 3 seconds at the beach once too,but I could only handle the cold water for literally one second before gettingout. I want to go again soon, but the only way I can go is by finding a 24-hourfacility with a pool (not in my area), breaking-and-entering, or swimming in alake…

What charity do you donate to (or would like to donate to) most?

I just recently got a job (and money tospend), so I haven’t really done any research on reputable charities. I’d liketo donate to lgbtq+ charities, and charities that support victims of sexualabuse and domestic violence, regardless of gender. Some other charities I wouldlike to donate to are those that support radio stations that don’t subject meto Taylor Swift.

Do you think art should be a mode of autobiography?

Brace yourself cause this is gonna beconfusing as shit lmao

This one is an interesting question becauseI think it should be based on a combination the artist’s wishes and their art.Sometimes the things portrayed by an artist in their work may not be the mostaccurate representation of their personal views or statement they want to make.For example, Joji (guy behind FilthyFrank) talks about how he is different fromhis internet persona, and he wishes to be separated from his art (which issatirical comedy). We all interpret art differently, and the original purposebehind the artist’s work may be lost completely; so the art itself may end uprepresenting something contradictory to the artist’s original intentions. Someartists are alright with that, while others prefer to publicly state theirintentions behind their works to preserve the original meaning. So essentially,if an artist feels as though their art can be viewed in an autobiographicalsense, then so be it; but if an artist wishes to be separated from their art,then so be it.

Wow, I hope that kind of made sense!

What’s the hardest thing you’ve ever survived?

(this one also contains alotta personal shit lmao sory)

The past three years of my life. Junioryear, I came face-to-face with everything I had repressed since freshman year.Two of my “best friends” also stopped talking to me around this time, and I beganto lose all of my friends. Senior year was even worse because I lost everysingle one of my friends. I went to senior prom by myself (dateless andgroupless) and I spent the night of graduation alone in my living room, whileeveryone else (including my “best friend”) was out at parties or celebrating. Thatsummer, I was mentally destroyed from being isolated, and in a last attempt tonot lose my last friend, I agreed to dating him again… I wish there was a wordthat describes a situation in which you weren’t held down and raped, but youalso never gave your consent. I finally got my shit together and broke up withhim. I told him everything, and we are still close friends because I just can’tbring myself to cut him off. I don’t know. I don’t care.

I still exist in a constant state ofdissociation and my self-image n confidence n shit is rly bad. Anytime I evenconsider the idea of developing another platonic or romantic relationship, Ifeel physically ill and essentially start having a panic attack. The word “bestfriend” is essentially a fucking royal title for me. Once again, repression ismy best friend.

But I’m getting better, I’ve finallygrown more self-sufficient. I’m not afraid of being alone anymore, and I’munafraid to be loud and bitchy and temperamental when its needed. I have a handfulof friendly acquaintances, and I think a few of them may even qualify asfriends. I’ve even admitted to liking someone I work with. This is the firsttime I’ve ever shared this with anyone, let alone the fucking tumblr void.

Were/are you good at school?

I was an alright student in highschool. I graduated like 27th in my class with a 3.79 GPA, so nottoo shabby. I like to think I’m a great college student though. I’m quite proudof my 4.0 GPA.

Where’s somewhere you’ve always wanted to roadtrip?

Hmm I don’t have any specific locationin mind! Anywhere except here would be fine. My ideal road trip would probablybe going to like Vegas or some shit, and stopping at every place I findinteresting along the way.

Thanks for the ask, and sorry it took so long for me to reply!