#kspskapakapakpa

[lover-of-mine]

Since we're thinking tsunami and Buck and Chris and parenthood (I saw literally one post about it that put my mind in overdrive) I kinda wanna talk about it, because it's a very obvious thing that they are making Buck a father right then and there. I think it's pretty on the nose with the blunt cut from Maddie and Chim discussing kids and talking about how Buck is the only person they know who doesn't have one besides them to Eddie dropping Chris off and it was made extremely obvious with the coma dream and Buck remembering the tsunami after the "my kids" conversation with his parents. But there's a very clear shift on the way Buck treats Chris before the tsunami in comparison to after, because in the party at bathenas house Chris is giving him a card and Buck clearly has a lot of affection towards him, but you have Eddie hovering behind them and Buck is still very much "this is my friend's kid" with the way he treats Chris and that's exaggerated by the way he's surprised by the fact that Eddie brought Chris to the loft and he is visibly awkward about how to handle Chris being there, the way he's moving, the way he's looking at Eddie, the trying to pass the "babysitting" over to Carla, "what do you like to do for fun". Obviously, there's the level that comes with the way Buck is in a bad mental state but Buck doesn't truly get why Eddie would just hand him Chris and go to work.

When they're at the park, shit is less awkward because Buck's not only benefiting from Chris but from getting out of the house even if he does ends up getting all deep with Chris because he's still very upset. But after the wave hits, it flips a switch. Again, there are a lot of layers there, for starters Chris is a child who cannot survive that situation alone, Buck is a person who cares more about other people than himself, he is responsible for Chris at that moment even if he didn't feels anything particularly fatherly towards him, but the time it takes for Buck to find Chris shifts Buck's world and that's very obvious. Buck has always been awed by Chris but sitting in there truck Buck goes from dad's friend to father and it's obvious on the way he's handling the situation. Keeping Chris distracted, saying they're a good team by saving all the people, the games to keep Chris from seeing the worst of it, Buck's instincts surrounding Chris changed and a parallel that happens in the episode that I think it's a very deep proof of that is the way that Buck gets distracted on the park and doesn't hear Chris calling his name multiple times because he's busy mopping over the rescue that's happening, but when he's helping other people and Chris falls in the water, he reacts instantly to Chris' voice and doesn't hesitate to jump into the water to go after him even though that's the most dangerous thing he could do in that situation because he needs to get to his kid.

They are again very obvious on the way he spends the entirety of the next episode looking for him even though he's in no shape to actually stay on his feet. Something that always breaks me is the way he talks to the lady with the lists and braces himself to look in the morgue so that he knows for sure if Chris isn't there because the way he hesitates to walk over kills me along with the way he calls Maddie because he's not getting help for himself until he knows for sure what happened. Then obviously, there's the way he's shaking head to toe while trying to talk to Eddie but can't say the words out loud and how he's ready to cry even though he kept it together so far because saying it out loud makes it real and he can't handle that. And the way he just drops the second he realizes Chris is safe on Eddie's arms. And there's the way that a major thing about being a parent is the instinct to protect and Buck is sitting in loft looking all sorts of devastated because he thinks he failed to protect Chris and he tries to stop Eddie from leaving Chris with him again because he truly believes Chris needs protection from him so it doesn't matter how much the situation is hurting him, since he believes Chris is better off away from him, he just accepts that he has to live with it. But since Eddie says he trusts Buck with Chris and Chris looks happy to be there with him, he just gives into the way he needs Chris around at that moment.

And it's kind crazy when you add the relationship between Buck and Chris outside of Eddie after that, because, yeah, Eddie relies on Buck for help with Chris, but Chris himself relies on Buck. There's some crazy stuff like the way Chris runs away to Buck because he's mad at Eddie or the way Buck's whole body relax when he sees Chris after the shooting or the way that Chris, a kid who's surrounded by first responders, called Buck not 911 during Eddie's breakdown. Or maybe the way the show cuts from Hen and Karen telling Denny's biological father that "our son our rules" to Buck and Chris chilling in the loft baking cookies for Chris to take to his school while Chris tries to get Buck to let him have cookies as dinner and Buck just makes the decisions himself. Is it a simple decision about what Chris is having for dinner? Yes. But that makes it so much bigger for me because it's just expected that Buck doesn't have to check every little detail regarding Chris with Eddie before doing something. Chris is Buck's too and the show very much pushes that idea and it all started in the tsunami.