#ktinaj you brilliant fiend

[kitkatpancakestack]

Hi friend! I am back in your asks so we can freak out together. I’m fairly certain I’ve come here with something similar before but…BUT…

I’m sitting here all emotional because I just had the thought that Buck doesn’t KNOW. A large part of Buck’s story across the seasons has been his search for “perfect” romantic love, for the best partner, for that fairytale happy ending. But I don’t think he has ever allowed himself to even consider Eddie in that capacity (even if he’s aware of their connection subconsciously). So it’s going to take Eddie telling him that he’s in love with him for Buck to even consider that his great love and love story has been in front of him this entire time.

And it’s just WILD because (like the will) Eddie is once again sitting on really important information that will be monumental for Buck. And before 4x13/14 I always thought Buck knew first or would confess first…and now that we know what we know and have seen a little tiny bit of what’s going on with Eddie, it actually makes more sense that Buck has no idea whatsoever. Having *Eddie* be the one to know first and to admit his true feelings and open Buck’s eyes to what they’ve made together is just…pure magic? Genius writing? Like it just makes so much more sense. And oh it makes my heart acheee.

Eddie getting to choose who and what makes him happy, Buck being chosen because of who he is and by someone who truly knows him so well, the “you don’t find it son, you make it” coming back around…ugh CHEF’S KISS. This truly is a work of art that we are witnessing unfold.

Tinaaaa so good to see you, but why must you wreck me emotionally every time you stop by my asks????

We've screamed about this countless times before and I will CONTINUE to scream about it because Eddie actively choosing what makes him happy (Buck) and Buck being chosen by someone (Eddie) who loves him for the simple fact that he is who he is is just SOMETHING THAT IS SO PERSONAL. I mean, isn't that what both their traumas and their storylines boil down to? Buck wanting to be loved and chosen and sought after for who he is, and not some software update version of who he's expected to be? And Eddie allowing himself the selfish act of desiring and needing things solely for himself, so he can build his authentic happiness?

If this is the love story they are telling, then they once again have shown how they will always know their characters better than us, and that whatever it is we expect, they will always deliver something a thousand times better.

Despite literally everything Buck wants out of a meaningful relationship being what he has with Eddie and Christopher, I agree with you in that I get the feeling he just doesn't KNOW. or doesn't see it. I think the shape he has in his head of what his perfect relationship is supposed to look like is just so wildly different than the one he has with Eddie, that something is just not clicking. I also think Buck has a trek record of self-sabotage via seeking out relationships with people he unconsciously knows are doomed to fail in order to not have to crack open that part of himself he buried from the world years ago, but that's just me *shrugging emoji*

Though, the hilarious thing is . . . he's already kinda cracked himself open for Eddie. There's a subconscious (maybe conscious) part of Buck that knows Eddie will safeguard his vulnerability. That he's safe with him. He's let Eddie see him at his absolute worst points and Eddie has loved him anyway. And I don't think Buck is emotionally or psychologically prepared to digest that information and process it. At least not yet.

*sighs wistfully* let's never stop shouting about this, okay?