#lacuna chapter eighteen

[ilguna]

Lacuna - Chapters 17-20 (f.o)

summary: they say the odds tend to favor those who need them. well, they were wrong.

warnings; swearing. HINTS AT CHILD PROSTITUTION.

wc; 10.4k

NOTES; I give reader a last name to fit the world.

–

-- CHAPTER SEVENTEEN --

The room is unpleasantly quiet as it has been for the past couple of hours. You’ve waited patiently for a doctor or something to come in and assess you, take in your mental state or whatever while you’re awake. So they know that you’re not going to attack the first person that comes in.

No one has come, and you’ve tried to keep yourself busy, but there’s not much to do. You know not to take out the needles and the cords but if it gets them in here faster, then you might take off the one that is connected to your heart monitor. If it flatlines, then that means you’re dead. They’ll come running.

You’ve looked yourself over already. Your skin is smooth, free of any sort of blemishes that might have occurred during your stay inside of the arena. Scars, cuts, bruises, anything broken. They got rid of the scarring on your fingers from years of fucking up with the fishing lines and pricking yourself with needles and the hooks. 

You’re free to move your body to the left, and when you do there’s no pain. Standing up, there’s a small sore area in your ankle, and when you look down, there’s no bruising, but there should be from the rope. You can picture the pattern of it now, dancing all around your ankle.

At least you’re able to walk on it with no pain. You move your head, neck, shoulders, torso, arms, wrists and fingers. Then down to your hips, legs, knees, ankles and toes. Your fingers move your nose, which is still tender, but it’s back in place, no longer settled in it’s crooked state. Any teeth that might have been broken are now back in place, and it seems they might have straightened your teeth while they were at it. When you run your finger along it, perfectly in place.

The ring from your mother is nowhere in sight. You’d had it on this entire time, your ring finger had swollen around it, rather than letting it slip off with the weight loss. You trust that they have it somewhere safe, they’ll give it to you later on.

Your nails have been cleaned of any nail polish and dirt. Your entire body is clean, actually. Which is what happens when you want a sterile environment to fix everything that had gone wrong while you were inside.

Tired of the waiting, and dying to see Finnick—wondering what they had done to him—you pull the electrical cords that are attached to suction cups from your chest and toss them to the side. You swing your feet, eyes on the door as you listen to the dull sound of the heart monitor.

The door swings open, and there stands your doctor, and Mags. Their panicked expressions relax immediately, and they come into the room a little calmer now. The doctor pulls out a clipboard from thin air, and you watch momentarily as she reads over it.

“I’m ready to go now.” you tell them, “Make me sit in this room any longer and I can promise you that it will not be pretty.” the doctor looks up, unimpressed, “I just came from the fucking hunger games, if you think that I won’t be able to get creative with the shit in here, you’re dead fucking wrong, doctor.”

Mags motions for her to hurry up, clearly not excited for what you have in mind. Or she gets that you’re anxious and you’re ready to get out of the sterile white room. Which is unexpectedly boring, nothing to do but listen to what used to be your heartbeat. Be left to your own thoughts for too long.

When the doctor is done looking everything over, she allows you and Mags to leave. Cleaning up whatever you might have messed up for her, especially the monitor, which has been blaring loudly for minutes now. Mags leaves you through the winding halfways, hand on your arm.

Elysia finds you two, and she looks relieved, “Not dead after all.”

You fight back the glare you want to give her, because despite being a Capitol citizen she’s so exceptionally rude. You’ve heard so much about some of the representatives that come from the Capitol. How all of them seem to have a stick up their ass or something about manners. And here you are, stuck with her. You haven’t liked her since the beginning, she’s negligent, and she doesn’t deserve to represent district four.

“Wouldn’t that have been a twist.” you give her a sour look, before down at Mags, “I’ll be seeing Finnick soon?”

“At the--” Elysia starts.

“Shut up,” you snap at her, “God, my fucking time in the arena was a vacation from you and your stupid fucking accent.” you let go of Mags as you turn to Elysia, who’s starting to look more afraid, “it’s your fucking faults that we have to fight to the death in the first place, you’d think you’d have more respect for a fifteen year old who just killed seven people. We provided you a show, now provide me with some silence, and fuck off until I actually have to see you for the ceremony or whatever. Bye.”

Elysia looks like she’s going to give you a piece of her mind, but there must have been a look on your face, because then she’s suddenly terrified, and she’s scurrying out of the hallway, away from where you and Mags are heading. You take her hand again, placing it on your arm and letting her lead you to where you need to be again. You don’t apologize or offer a snarky comment, because there’s no need to.

You’re sure that if Mags could speak, she would thank you for doing it. Tell you that you should have been a little bit bigger and threatening. If she’s lucky, then you won’t shit talk her in front of her own people tonight. Because that’s what's coming, the ceremony where Caesar will interview you guys, and you’ll watch a recap of the past thirty days.

For you, it might have been thirty, but for them it could have been two weeks, three weeks. The gamemakers make the time fly by a lot faster during the games to keep things flowing. Especially when there’s days in-between action, like there was with yours. You’re glad that there were only two mutt problems for you, and technically only two for Finnick too. You both had the bears, then you had the dogs and he had the thing at the bottom of the pond-lake.

You wonder if they’ll let you tour it by yourself. Go through and see the sites where your friends have died. Listen to them explain their deaths in detail, Blaire, Mac, Cass, Thyme, the careers… You wonder if they’ve put up a noose on the tree branch, with dummies to signify where you and Lennox had been. The placebo body in the leaves, and Trink’s body sprawled across the grass.

To go back and torture yourself to see everything in a beautiful scenery would be interesting. See where your mind would wander off to, and if it’d take you with, or put up a shield to avoid doing too much damage. As if it would understand that seeing certain scenes again, like district ten’s decapitated head, Lennox turning purple, the girl getting caught in the rope when Finnick killed her…

Mags leads you to Laurel, and Laurel calmly explains that you’ll be seeing Mags later. So, you hug her goodbye and you let Laurel lead you the rest of the way. Her heels click against the cement ground, and she begins to explain what you’ll be wearing tonight. You tune in and out, and after a while, she seems to understand what’s wrong.

“I’m not going to give you congratulations.” she tells you, fixing your hair from your face, “killing people is no feat. What is a feat, is getting passed today and the next few months. May you achieve peace in whatever way you can find it.”

“Thank you.” you nod at her, she tells you that she won’t be joining you for lunch, and leaves.

Somehow, her words were more of a gift than the congratulations that she withheld. She knows that the peace will be hard to get, that the nightmares will start plaguing you soon, quite possibly when you’re back home with your family, and everyone else you had grown up with. There’s nothing more terrifying than bringing nightmares from the arena back home. Sitting by hopelessly as your mind replaces the tributes you killed for the people you love.

Inside, you’re sat with your stylists, except for Laurel. They waste no time, jumping straight into them telling you that they’ll be getting you ready. You left the room earlier than they had expected, so it leaves you the lunch and then you truly have hours to get ready. They can properly take their time, rather than speeding.

They give you a fairly large amount of food, and you’re sure it’s because of how much you were eating inside of the games when possible. Your stomach must have shrunk a lot if it takes one serving of stew, two rolls and a handful of vegetables. When you were first coming in, you were eating as much as you could possibly afford. Three, four servings of stew, five bread rolls, more than just a handful of vegetables.

You’re not that hungry when you finish, though. Which is when they stand you up and bring you to your room. You strip free of the clothes that were laid out for you—what you had worn inside of the arena. Although, none of it is ripped, dirty, got water damage or whatever. It’s pristine, it looks just like it had when you went into the games. 

The jacket is first, then the boots, shirt, pants, bra and then your underwear. There is no shame in front of these people, you’re as hairless as you were when you had first gone into the games. 

“Wow, no scars! That’s fantastic!” One of the girls runs her fingers along where your ribs are, “You’re so lucky.”

The other girl nods quickly, “Very expensive! But anything for the victors.”

They take you to the showers, taking down your hair. The first girl, you think her name is Beth—she always says it so quickly, it’s hard to tell exactly—goes to work with the settings on the shower. While the other two scrub your hair and body. 

Beth and the other girl talk a lot more than the boy does. But he seems just as animated at they are when it comes to conversation. Always talking about what was going on, how they knew that you and Finnick were going to win. How excited they were when it was announced that two victors could win.

They split off when you’re out of the shower. The guy goes to work at your hair, Beth with your nails as the other does your makeup. You occasionally let in your opinion just to hear them marvel about how amazing and cool it was. They’re very considerate when it comes to mentioning certain things, like they don’t want to tick something. Laurel must have been specific. Or Elysia had gotten to them before you did.

You wouldn’t mind it from them, but Elysia should know better. Beth and the others don’t understand what it’s like to be in the district. Elysia comes every year, she sees the type of houses you live in, the jobs you work. 

At least with the others they’re nice. Elysia hasn’t cared since the beginning, so you’re not sure what she wanted from you. If she can’t show basic respect, then why should you? Let’s antagonize the girl that just came from killing seven people, as if that’ll go well.

Once they seem to be done with your hair, nails and makeup—which took forever since they had taken their time—Laurel comes in. She offers you a smile, before making you step into the dress.

It’s baby blue, and poofy and frilly. They’re playing up the girlish look again, but there’s no point. Everyone saw you, they heard your plans and watched as you deceived. There’s no one to pretend for anymore. The districts know your real personality, the only people that might eat it up would be the Capitol.

They give you white flats that are lacy on the sides. A few jangly bracelets on the wrists. Rings, earrings, necklaces, small anklet for the cuteness effect. Then they let your hair down to complete the entire look.

“Move around.” Laurel instructs you. You twirl, do a series of walks with different hand positions. You smile, and try to blush but the innocence of what you had before is absent. 

When she feels like it’s enough, she then stops you.

“Alright, curtsy a little bit, we’re going to try to win the audience over as much as possible.” she tells you.

You cross your ankles, two hands on the bottom of the dress as you lower yourself with a light smile. Laurel makes some adjustments while you’re down, but she compliments you when you stand. You look young, innocent and no one would believe that you had just won the hunger games.

She then launches into conversation with the other three as they lead you to where you need to be. You ignore conversation, watching the avoxes and the peacekeepers around the occasional corner. They mostly avoid eye contact with you, but a few will look you over, and be just as confused as you are. What are they looking after?

There must be some sort of rumor floating around now. It’s only a matter of time before it lands itself right in front of you. And then you’ll be able to see why people seem to square you up, and then deflate like they’re disappointed.

Is it tough? Is that what you’re known for? Was the stunt with Lennox enough to make a big name for yourself? They expect you to be all hard ass because you had been a traitor and you should have died in that arena time and time again, but you prevailed. You defied the odds, you were more merciful and merciless. You wonder what they call you, because it can’t be anything pretty.

You guys go up the elevator to the training center. This is where you’ll stand with your prep team and mentor and escort and everyone else. Finnick will be on the other side to greet you. It’s not uncommon for the Capitol to go wild at the reunions of victors.

Most of the time, the victors are friends, lovers or very rarely, siblings. Which is when the reunions are the best, since they’re crying and throwing themselves on each other. Though, there are the times when the tributes have heard of each other in the district prior to the games, the only real interactions they have with each other is during the training and all of that. Their reunions consist of nods and if the Capitol is lucky, they’ll hug.

That hardly happens, as usual the winners come from the careers. This will be the first time for district four where they bring two back. Your district will be excited, the Capitol people are probably excited as well. They’re so used to the other ones that outer districts—four and everyone else—are more exciting. 

They call you guys exotic and surprisingly when it comes to your answers. The careers are trained in how to act for years. For you guys it’s all improv, you have no idea what you’re doing which can be both a downfall or your ride. The only people that can truly direct you are the mentors. And even then, they have no clue what they’re doing.

Winning the games can be on skill or luck. The people who win on luck have nothing to offer for their tributes. People who win on skill can pass that down.

You and Finnick have a combination of both. Genuine skill of throwing knives, hunting and making fires. Basic knowledge on medicine in case one of you were to get sick—even though that hadn’t helped at all. And luck was Blaire saving you, and Finnick finding you, and being able to get that rope around Lennox’s neck, and being able to throw that spear into him even though you were hanging upside down, hardly conscious and swaying.

Anyway, Laurel and the others break off to change into their own outfits, leaving you standing there. Alone to your thoughts because there’s no one else to fill the silence. You spend the time counting the little things around the plate that you’re standing on. Which matches the flooring above you, presumably.

You brush dust off of nearby things and hold back sneezes when it wafts back into your face. Shifting on your feet almost impatiently, but you still feel worried that you might end up collapsing from the sickness that you had. It’s like a phantom, you don’t have it anymore but it feels like you do.

After a considerable amount of time, you can faintly hear Caesar’s voice and the roaring of the audience that comes with it. You make a little bit of last minute changes, dust of anything that might have attached itself to you. Watching as your hand starts to sparkle because of the stuff coming off of the dress. 

And then, you hear the prep teams get introduced. You turn to where you’ll be facing, taking deep breaths, reminding yourself that they are not the enemy. They’re just here for a show. They want to see you pretend to be excited.

Elysia is introduced, then it’s Laurel and Pleurisy. Louder cheering since they were the ones who organized the costumes that you two had worn. Then Mags gets some cheering too, you can imagine her waving now.

You stand tall, squaring your shoulders and placing a smile on your face already. It’ll widen into a grin when you’re above ground. 

And then the plate starts to go up, you catch your balance before you’re in sight of the audience. The lights make you squint for a moment, but your eyes get used to them quickly. As soon as you can see, you notice the audience.

The plate shakes from the roaring, they’re on their feet clapping, yelling, whistling—you can barely hear it all. It’s turned into a solid sound barely about to be distinguished.

You turn to the presence beside you to see Finnick’s white smile. A slow smirk comes over his face as he offers you one of his arms. You take two swift strides before you’re hugging him.

“Almost home.” Finnick murmurs into your ear, you laugh lightly.

“That’s what you’re worried about?” You ask, looking up to him.

“You’re not?” He asks lightly, eyes flickering to your lips for a moment, and then he moves right in.

He pulls you closer for the kiss, it’s a couple of seconds of sweetness, before the both of you are smiling and it’s ruined. That doesn’t stop you from hugging him a little longer though. Because you do have to admit, it feels good to be in his arms again. To see him alive and well.

He’s everything that you remember, and you’re glad that he’s constant. Nothing has changed just yet, and you hope that it stays this way.

After a couple more minutes of cheering, you and Finnick finally sit at the love seat. This year, it’s white, very faintly a shade of grey added. Over the back is a blue blanket, you can see the obvious display of the ocean on it. Just for Caesar, you run your fingers over the fabric, taking in how soft it is, before you sit on the couch.

Finnick pulls you into him, not offering you the chance to sit away. His arm is wrapped around your waist, ensuring that you stay there. However, with you leaned against him, the sparkles start to rub off. It’s fine, you think. It’s just going to look odd when the both of you stand up.

He has a tan shirt on, a watch on his right wrist—weird in your opinion—but on his finger is a ring with a wave on it. You hold out your hand to see your mothers ring on yours. Reaching over, you take his right hand, pulling it right next to yours. Then, you look up to Laurel to see her wink.

Solidarity. 

“We’re engaged.” Finnick teases.

“Shut up, you’re fourteen.” You let go, smiling at him.

“Won’t be in a couple years—“

“Then get back to me then.”

Caesar then introduced what you guys will be doing, a couple of jokes mixed in to make you feel comfortable. Everyone knows this part, your family back home will be watching this. It’s mandatory.

Finnick seems to squeeze you, he understands and he might be looking for that comfort too. So you offer your hand to him, he takes it gratefully and you’re squeezing there too. 

Reliving the worst part of your life is not going to be easy.

The first part you watch the reaping, and your half a second debate on whether or not to run. Then Finnick joined you a minute later. There you can see you two actually posed a genuine threat against everyone else in the arena.

The chariot ride was when you had a few sponsors fawning over you. How excited they were to see that district four had a couple of studs—thanks to the commentary, you’re not very thrilled. How you and Finnick were linked together and seemed like friends.

The training scores follow, with yours and Finnick’s ten, another tell that you two would be winning. The only threat all along was Lennox, and his stupid ten too. 

It moves on to your interviews, and they don’t forget to include the little hand holding when you and Finnick got back to each other. The audience sighs, and you watch as Finnick smiles a little bit.

Then it hits the arenas. Panning around the tributes, assessing their situations and positioning their bodies for the goals. You watch yourself get there first, and that is when you stop watching. Unfortunately, you can still hear it, no matter how loudly you recite the poem from when you’re sick. Finnick holds your hand a little tighter for all of it.

You feel relieved the moment he nudges you. But you can see that it’s the ending, you have to at least watch the ending. How you climbed up the tree, spear swaying in the wind. Finnick preparing the body, Trink and Lennox gearing up to hunt you guys anyway.

You getting up on that branch, cutting off the rope, telling Finnick you’re ready as you tie the constrictors knot. Holding the rope up high enough so that the others can’t see it. Then Finnick screams.

Trink and Lennox hadn’t hesitated when they heard the scream. They started running almost immediately, Trink reaching back for Lennox. They reach the place, and that’s when it all goes down. 

It focuses on Finnick mostly, but you guys are able to see when you skip the rope around his neck. You’re not too thrilled when they show you throwing yourself off, but cuts to Trink dying, a slit throat, and then she got stabbed through the forehead.

And then Lennox’s zoomed up face as the rope closed in around his neck and choked him. How he had reached for the knife but must have realized that there was no point, the fall would kill him. And you were dangling, staring at him horribly.

Finnick throws his spear, missing Lennox but landing in the tree. You hadn’t realized it before but you were breathing heavily, the cameras were able to pick up on it perfectly as you prepared and then throw the spear.

It ends with a shot of you unconscious, arms and leg relaxed, face red from the blood rush or maybe from the fever. A knife barely hanging on in your waistband. Then it cuts to Lennox, blood all over his face, purple, dangling just the same as you. It zooms out, letting you take in the whole picture.

Then the anthem plays and you and Finnick are standing. He holds your hand tightly, watching as Snow boards the stage with a couple of kids bearing the crowns.le scene.

It ends there, which is when President Snow comes in, and Finnick is helping you to your feet. Still holding onto your hand, like he’ll never let go of it at this point. Behind Snow is a couple of kids holding pillows with crowns on them.

This is when Snow first places the crown on Finnick’s head, Finnick tries to bare his chest like he’s proud but he wants to flare, you can see it. Next is you, and Snow offers you a small smile, you thank him for the crown. 

After that, there’s a lot of cheering from the audience. You guys bow a couple of times, and you’re careful to not let the crown slip from your head. At the chance, Finnick pulls you against his body, he kisses you again, for the final time in front of the audience.

Then, you guys are finally dismissed, a reminder for tomorrow’s interview follows, and then you’re gone. Elysia and the others take you to the president's mansion for the celebration. You can hardly act happy as you’re forced to take pictures and pretend that you’re having a good time. 

In the beginning, Finnick had gotten whisked away but a group of girls. So you’ve been wandering the part alone, faking smiles and trying to keep the conversations short. When you find Maga, you stick fairly close because people don’t bother to talk to her anymore, which is sad.

Finnick shows up some time after, but he’s not in the mood for talking. He holds your hand and looks distant, when you ask what’s wrong, he tells you that he just received some news from back home about his family. He doesn’t elaborate because you don’t ask. Finnick is genuinely upset over whatever it is.

The night wraps up soon, and you two are taken back to your floor in the training center. Finnick doesn’t ask to join you, he just does. When you lie down next to him, his head rests in your neck. It’s silent for a while.

And then he bursts into tears.

-- CHAPTER EIGHTEEN --

At breakfast, you basically have to inhale the food. Laurel sits patiently at the end of the table, but you can tell that in no way you’re allowed to take your time. When you’re done, you kiss Finnick’s forehead, and then leave him to deal with his own stylist.

The walk is brief, and soon enough you’re stopped in front of your prep team. They’re talking to each other, almost ignoring you as they get to work. Laurel leaves, and you’re left to your own thoughts for a couple of hours.

More specifically, last night. When Finnick had finally opened up about what had happened. Why he was gone for so long that night, and what’s going to happen from now on.

He was with President Snow for almost the entirety of last night. You had been with him for merely thirty minutes at the beginning, for the lucky few who got to take pictures with the both of you. A few conversations here and there, you and Finnick were attached at the hip.

And then he had gotten swept away with peacekeepers first, but later you saw President Snow with him. However, it wasn’t what you thought it was. It wasn't a friendly conversation of Snow showing him around and how he felt about the games. Snow had made a proposition, almost.

It wasn’t a choice, but Finnick had tried to make it into one by defying what Snow had wanted. He told Snow a flat out no, and told him that he didn’t have to and that there was nothing he could do to change his mind. Snow threatened his family and when Finnick called his bluff…

Finnick has no family to go back to in District Four. They’re gone, just like that and you can imagine how everyone at home is feeling. They know something went wrong if Finnick got his family killed just like that. And you can imagine that they know that he knows about it. Peacekeepers don’t just go into houses and kill people for fun. It’s on orders.

Finnick was going to try to keep it from you. Snow had told him that it needed to be a secret, but he knows that eventually the word will get out on why Finnick isn’t at home, enjoying his new house in victors village. Snow knows that you’ll find out one way or another, and it doesn’t even have to be from him. People talk and rumors spread faster than disease does.

If it weren’t for Finnick begging you to keep this quiet, then you would have caused a scene already. You would be planning to do it in today’s interview, but you can’t. Finnick told you that you owe him for keeping you alive, for saving you when he did. In return he wants you to be quiet and let this be on It’s own.

He’s afraid that if Snow finds out that you know, Snow will hurt your family too. Finnick believes that he won’t be able to live with himself. But you told Finnick firmly that your family is his family now. He can take all of his stuff from his own house and move it into your victor house. He doesn’t have to live alone, and you won’t let him anyway. 

He’s yours just as much as your his. Nothing he does in the Capitol will change your view of him. Or how much you cherish and love him. It won’t change the memories, it won’t turn them bitter. You know that it isn’t his choice, and if he could, he wouldn’t be doing it at all.

After the victory tour, Finnick will be required to be in the Capitol. The only times he’ll come back is when the demand for his body is low or nonexistent. The only other time is during the time for the games, since the both of you are mentors now. You fully intend to take over for Mags, and Finnick wants to have those couple of weeks with you.

Finnick will be sold around in the Capitol for desire. Snow just made Finnick into his own personal prostitute. Finnick was kind enough to inform you that he isn’t the first and he won’t be the last.  The only thing Finnick gets out of it is the money, which he’s going to have a lot of anyway, thanks to winning the games.In fact, you were supposed to be included in on it. Supposedly, if one person were to buy Finnick, then that means you would go along too, just double the price. The person buying wouldn’t have a choice, where one goes the other will follow.

Snow had thought that would make the entire thing better, but that’s where Finnick had drawn the line. Saying that Snow could make him his bitch, but lay a damn finger on you, and Snow would regret it. Victors honor. Snow decided that it might be a little too much, and considering that you still have family left, it would be difficult to pry you away from them.

Then he made some deals with a few people that would take Finnick right off the bat, and you nearly puked when you heard that most of them were your own sponsors. People who had cheered you on in the arena had done it so that either of you could be sold around for sex? And now that the option had presented itself, it’s perfect. They could take their grabs at Finnick as much as possible. Until he has to go home for good.

The demand for him will drop off for good eventually. If he’s only getting one or two requests a week, or even a month, Snow will probably let him go. After all, there will be new waves of tributes who could be seen as desirable as he is. 

You feel selfish for being disappointed that Finnick won’t be by your side when you have nightmares. That he won’t be there to comfort you when you’re in a state of panic. When your mind still thinks that you’re inside of the arena, and that broken plate was a warning that something was coming.

You won’t be able to return that favor for him. Instead, he’ll be waking up in some strangers bed every single day and night. They’ll be comforting him after he has a particularly bad nightmare. And after what had just happened, it can be a number of things. The games in general, something about you, his brain creating scenarios where he has to watch his parents and siblings die over and over and over. 

You love Finnick, and to know that he’ll be dealing with his own problems when he had the possibility of being able to lean on someone, is so agonizingly painful. You really hope he’s not beating himself up over the same thing. It’s a normal for boyfriends to be there for their girlfriends. But he can’t do that if he’s being sold around.

As long as he’s trying to be happy during his time in the Capitol, then you’re sure that you’ll be able to deal with it some. A couple weeks at a time, you think. Snow will let him come back every couple of weeks to see you and everyone else in the district. Then, he’ll be brought back to the Capitol, and the process will repeat.

Beth and them begin to wrap things up. The final polish and the drying of the nails. A few more dashes of highlight to make your cheeks pop when you’re in the light. Beth instructs you to stand a little taller, stop slouching. This time your hair is out of your face, but still curled. There’s a couple hairs here and there that hang in your face on purpose.

“Alright, we have to get out.” The guy grabs the girls, gives you a wave and then they’re out of the room, Laurel waits for them to leave, and then she comes into the room. A sand-colored dress is draped over her arm.

“A simple look tonight. We want you to be comfortable.” she tells you, unzipping the back and making you step into it again. After she’s zipped the back, and fixed your hair in the back, she turns you to her. Taking your hand to slip on your mothers ring, but doesn’t move her hand.

When you look to her, she’s serious looking. There’s no hint of fun--not like there normally is, it seems like Laurel is a very serious person--nothing like a joke, “I assume you already know what’s happening with Finnick?”

Frog in your throat appears and you swallow to keep from crying. You can’t mess up what they just did on your face, you’ll have to be out in the cameras in the next ten or so minutes. If this is a couple of hours of work, then there’s no possible way that they’ll be able to fix it in time.

You nod, and Laurel sighs, fixing the dress on your shoulders, “Pleurisy and I are going to try our best when it comes to keeping him from going around too much,” when you open your mouth to say something, she continues, “We’ve got the cash to do it. Thanks to you and Finnick, our lines have taken off. It’s the least we can do.”

“Thank you.” you sniff, she smiles a little bit.

“Ruin your makeup and I’ll kill you personally.” she pats your shoulder, before she leads you over to the jewelry.

Again, you load up on everything that she wants you to. When you’re done, you feel like you weigh ten more pounds. It’s a lot of jewelry, all to make you pop more on camera. She says that it’ll make you look like you’re enjoying yourself in the Capitol, that you’ve begun to buy things with your newly acquired money.

When she’s done, Laurel takes your arm and leads you down the hall to where you’ll be interviewed. Tonight, it’ll be personal with no audience to intimidate you. Just you, the camera men, Caesar and Finnick. That doesn’t mean you should exactly speak your mind though, the Capitol and maybe the districts will be seeing this.

Inside the room is where you see Caesar. He comes from where he’s talking to someone, to you. There’s an immediate hug, and then he steps back to look at you, “Absolutely gorgeous! Your stylist is amazing.”

“I know, I’m glad that she’s finally getting noticed for her work, as well as Finnick’s stylist, Pleurisy.” you tell him.

“Would you believe me if I said that I was wearing their work?” he asks, and then he takes a step back so that you can see. And you see it in the sparkles littered around, it seems to be a signature. Your past dresses had that effect, but they hadn’t came off when they were rubbed.

It seems like yesterday's dress was a one-time thing, “It looks great on you! The navy blue fits you.”

“I see we’re all trying for a theme.” Finnick's voice interrupts you two, and you turn to see Finnick in a black suit, catching the light here and there, he shines.

“Wardrobe malfunction! No time to change, though.” Caesar winks, and then he goes to take a seat on his single.

You and Finnick are on the loveseat after that. His left arm around your waist, right hand in yours. You can see the ring again, you hope that he keeps it in his time in the Capitol. It seems so close but truly it’s far. The Victory Tour will take a while, it’s not a couple day thing, celebrations in every place are going to be big. At least two days in each district, and more in your home.

The cameraman counts backward, you feel like you’re a robot when you smile automatically when it hits zero. Finnick squeezes you, and you give him a certain look to tell him no funny business. Not funny enough, he seems to be giving you the same look with his eyes, almost a plea to be on your best behavior. You nod, you never had any intention to do otherwise.

You owe him, or so he says. 

Caesar introduces you two as if the entire nation still has absolutely no clue who you are. You wave and smile, Finnick gives you a quick temple-kiss and then you’re right in to the friendly talk from earlier.

“So, remind your stylist’s name.” Caesar starts.

You mock an offended gasp, “You’re wearing her and you don’t know her name? Caesar!”

He laughs, “What can I say? I get around.”

Finnick laughs, “Are you wearing Laurel of Pleurisy?”

He thinks for a moment, “Laurel?”

You dramatically fall back, “He doesn’t even know. An upcoming famous stylist and he can’t even remember.” 

It’s all fun and games. Caesar is very smooth with his responses, charismatic. If he were in the hunger games he would have simply won over sponsors with his charm. You know you would have been convinced. It’s hard not to believe in someone who has so much confidence.

Which must be why the careers get so many damn sponsors.

“I have a few questions.” Caesar eventually transitions, you shift slightly against Finnick, squeezing his hand, “The first is, when did you know that you were going to turn against them?”

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.

One simple deep breath, and then a wobbly smile to follow, “The beginning. During training and all of that. I wasn’t planning on keeping them around for long.”

Caesar nods thoughtfully, but it doesn’t end with you, “And Finnick, running off with Thyme?”

You can practically see the blood run from his face, “Ah--well, it wasn’t really running off. I had thought that she was going to meet us after the waterfall shortly after. The tension in the group was rising, I didn’t think it would be smart to stay after Eytelle had died.”

He’d made the wrong turn. You’re sure he’s only asking these questions because the Capitol wants to know, but either way it’s stressing you out. It’s giving you more to think about. You’ll have plenty of time to dwell over this when you’re trying to sleep at night, so why do it now too? In your small moment of peace.

The questions aren’t much lighter after that. Caesar wants to know all the details when it comes to Allio and then eventually Blaire. You tell him the truth, that you hadn’t liked Allio since the beginning, but the plan was originally to kill Lennox, then you decided to get rid of the guy that was more paranoid. You made a friend out of Blaire because he was kind and needed help. He was as helpful to you as you were to him. It was a mutual friendship.

Then came Lennox, saving Finnick from the monster in the pond-lake and getting sick. You had kinda seen the Lennox and Trink thing coming, they weren’t stupid and they were going to figure it out sooner or later. Finnick was an obvious choice, years of swimming in water and holding your breath came in handy. Getting sick was the worst thing that ever happened to you.

Finally, Mac, and then the stunt at the tree. You were worried for Finnick when he had left to check things out, of course. Relieved when he came back fine, and a little bit mad that he went down to the cornucopia by himself, where he could have gotten hurt. 

The stunt of the tree isn’t as easy to brush off. He gets into the little details. You tell them it all in order. The tree is the highest thing to hang from, and you chose to hang Lennox because he had choked you in the cornucopia. Also because your last name is Gallows, and since they were so fond of calling you that, you thought you might as well utilize the nickname against them.

You cut the rope for yourself, you knew you weren’t strong enough to pull him up by yourself. You explained how to tie the constrictors knot and how you knew to tie it in the first place. This is when you give a tribute to your family back home. Finally, you get to the part where you throw yourself off of the branch and hang in the air.

Caesar tells you a detail that you hadn’t realized, nor had anyone told you. That your left leg had dislocated when you had fallen off the tree, which you could have guessed if you’re being honest. You hadn’t heard it pop or anything because of the bloodrush to your head, the headache, the fever, the pain in all the other parts of your body… there was no room for your leg to hurt. It would have to get in line with the dozen other problems you had going on.

During all of this, Finnick is giving his side of things, but he’s mainly letting you talk. You’re sure he appreciates it, because he’s in no shape to be talking about all of this, with what had happened when it comes to his family. It’s just another bitter reminder that he has no one to tell all of this to.

Very last, the spear. You told Caesar that it should have fallen out of your belt loop the second you fell, but it was holding on by a thread it seems. You threw it to end Lennox’s suffering and also because the image of his purple face will be permanently embedded in your mind. There’s no reason to make it go on any longer.

Sprinkled in by Caesar are some cute questions about yours and Finnick’s relationship and where the both of you will be going after this. Finnick answers this part, feeling like he hasn’t talked that much, and says that you two will still be together. But his and your family back home will probably appreciate it if you two toned it down. To hear him talk about his family is painful, knowing that there is none. He says that he doesn’t want to be killed by your brothers as soon as you two get there, and he looks forward to meeting them. You can picture them laughing at the joke now. They’ll love Finnick, you know it.

They’ll never be able to repay the fact that he kept you alive when you were sick. When he had saved you from dying in the woods after Lennox had just nearly killed you. The second that you, Finnick and your family have a moment alone, you can almost guarantee that they’re going to thank him and welcome him to the family. Make him promise to buy you a ring at eighteen or some dumb thing like that. You’ll be married before you hit twenty.

Soon, it’s the end. Caesar says his goodbyes, and you’re standing up and off of the loveseat. Your farewell to Caesar is very, very brief, you push your way out of the room, out of the ways of the invading guests. Finnick follows behind you, you can feel his presence all the way to whatever room you end up in.

There, you take deeper breaths, pace around the room and wipe any straggling tears to make sure that your eyes don’t get any bright ideas. You manage to do it, the tears don’t come and Finnick says that nothing was smudged.

He knows you’re not alright, and you know he isn’t either. Him being there is enough.

As long as he’s always here.

-- CHAPTER NINETEEN --

The car ride to the train isn’t that long. You spend the time staring at the floor mostly, not too interested in the color fest that’s just outside the blackened windows. You’d rather try to forget that this all happened, but it’s going to be near to impossible. There are going to be reminders everywhere.

You say goodbye to Laurel and the prep team at the station. It’s short since you’ll be seeing them a couple of months later on—so it seems that Finnick might be leaving immediately after the festivities in Four—Laurel gives you a look, and then hugs you for the first time. After that, it’s a blur of the prep team and you’re on the train. No goodbyes to the Capitol citizens, you’re glad you don’t have to.

You hold onto the wall as the train starts moving. Finnick does the same so he doesn’t fall over. You watch as Elysia stalks off, clearly mad at you still. You’re fine with that, you hate her anyway. Mags gives you and Finnick a smile, holds up one finger, and then leaves.

“One day.” Finnick says for you, and you sigh, going over to sit on the couch, “Wanna watch reruns?”

“Of what?” You ask, turning to look at him, he makes a face.

“You know.”

“Absolutely not.” You snap.

“Not even the Quarter Quells?” Finnick asks, and you think for a moment.

“Do they have when Mags was in the arena?” 

Finnick perks up, and he starts digging through the cases of video. Of course it’s on a disc, and not an actual show. It’s from sixty years ago, or something. Mags was in the eleventh or something. Maybe not sixty years ago, but definitely fifty.

“Oh look!” Finnick pulls out a case with a big ‘ELEVEN’ written across the front. He puts it in and then sits down beside you.

Somehow, it’s better to watch someone else’s games rather than your own. It still has all the death and gore, it’s just not your experience. The rerun is clearly based around Mags, which means that this is the condensed version and biased to make Mags look good. You still get all the deaths but they’re not focused on as much.

You mostly tune out the movie, watching Mags was just a suggestion so you wouldn’t have to watch your own. Plus you weren’t really interested in the Quarter Quells because those are the worst games. They have the bad twists to them, which makes them desirable to the Capitol but terrifying to the districts.

You won’t have to deal with it. And even if you hadn’t been reaped for these games, in a few years you would have been out of the pool. You won’t have to do the Quarter Quell, but the kids to come might. Which also means that you’re going to have to mentor them. You and Finnick together, teaching the kids the best survival skill.

The Quell is only ten years away. It might seem like a lot, but the time flies. The more it gets closer, the more paranoid people are going to get of each other. Like during the twenty-fifth games when they had to vote up who they wanted to go. Neighbors turning on each other for the petty things. The victors dead now, must have drank themselves to death or something. As all the other victors do you ease the trauma after the games.

The second Quell was where double the amount of tributes go in. Forty-eight unfortunate individuals would be forced to go in. Two girls and two boys from each district. Haymitch from district twelve won that year, and you’re sure you’ll be meeting him soon. Courtesy of the goddamn victory tour you’ll be going on. Suddenly you’ll be a lot cozier with your fellow tributes.

It’s going to be hard to not home a grudge against the districts like one and two. There's going to be too many people to meet. Especially since the two games before this one, it was a brother and sister, both from district one. Cashmere and Gloss, which means they mentored Trink and Lennox, probably. 

You wonder if they despise you, or if they find the entire thing interesting. If they’re going to snub or welcome you in with open arms. After all, you gave the boy the worst death of them all, and Trink saw it happen. 

During the three hour recap of the games, you had the misfortune of watching it happen. You had just fallen off the tree, as Finnick was fighting Trink. Lennox had begun to turn a shade of red, and you were looking out of your mind. Just seeing yourself so pale, you could have been mistaken as a corpse.

Trink hadn’t seen the rope at all when it was first lowered. She had launched herself at Finnick, believing that Lennox could take care of the placebo body. Trink had a sword, swinging it at Finnick with little to no aim. Finnick was dodging them, but somewhere along the lines he fucked up the pattern, and she got the upper hand.

Hearing her district partner choking had caught her attention, your almost-dead body shouldn’t have been able to come back and get Lennox down. So, she originally had looked to where Lennox should have been, knelt over your body, but slowly looked up to find him over fifty feet in the air. 

That’s when Finnick had killed her. She was too distracted. It was supposed to be a quick glance, find out what state Lennox is in so she could finish off Finnick and then go to help him. The amount of surprise that must have gone through her body, you can’t imagine.

She had the upper hand. She and Lennox had the possibility of winning, and you and Finnick came out of nowhere, with this whole attack plan and ruined it all. Although, hanging upside down was in no way part of the plan.

You hope that the others don’t hold a grudge. You hope that you’ll be able to make a circle of friends who understand what it’s like to be inside of the arena. That share the same problems as you and are willing to share their stories with due time. They can be proud of it, or they can be disappointed and guilty, it doesn’t matter to you.

People who you can introduce to Finnick and they accept him immediately and understand when he has to go. You just want people that understand, because you can already see he looks of pity you’re going to get from people in the district. You’re sure that if the looks from them get too much, you’ll end up locking yourself up inside your house.

Avoid it all and try to sleep it off. Call it a big ass dream and let the Capitol laugh at you for being another weak victor who can’t take the win. Let them think that one of the other districts should have won. Or maybe Finnick will be one big distraction and you’ll be able to disappear without a trace. The Capitol will be too invested in the fourteen year old prostitute to notice his girlfriend has completely dropped off the radar.

At least you’ll have people to take care of you in that case. Your brothers would probably let it happen and insist that no one infringe on your wishes. That it is a time to be recovering over everything you had just done. The memories won’t wash away quickly, no matter how hard they insist. Everything will have to be done on your own time.

At least no one will hate you for killing your district mate. To have killed Finnick and having to come back to his family and all of that would have been awful. Just think, had you gone after Thyme and Finnick after they betrayed you like that, you wouldn't have been able to see that you could have kept your district mate.

Hell, you might not have even lived to see that point. You would have killed Thyme and Finnick and then later Allio. Lennox would have found that out, killed you, and they might have gone on to win the games together. The only people to kill would have been the girl from six, Blaire and Mac. That’s on the assumption you hadn’t formed a friendship with Blaire.

Or maybe you did, and Blaire would later die from his own injuries from trying to save you. To have the same fate for yourself. Dying alone in the woods, not even awake to feel the pain. Could you imagine what Mags would have felt like? Watching you turn shades of color that she hasn’t seen on a person before. The cannon finally signaling that you’re dead, and she brings home two dead tributes again.

Not everyone that you send out of district four is capable of surviving. Somehow, it’s always the youngest tones that are picked. Although, Mags was sixteen when she went in. Again, that was fifty years ago, and of course there are teenagers that go in some of the time. But it’s not the same because they don’t win as much as the kids don’t win. 

You and Finnick are miracles. There has been one other victor in your district, and you haven’t seen him at all. Let alone, heard about him. No one speaks his name, he’s either dead or a hermit in his house. No one visits him, no one goes in or out of the house. Soon, you’ll be living near him and you still won’t know if he’s alive. 

Think of it this way. Mags is basically the first victor in your district. This means that during her fifty years of mentoring, she had only one person come out alive from that. Na they don't even know where he is right now. You and Finnick are fifteen and fourteen. You guys are barely qualifying for teenagers. You guys are young, barely have experience, but just enough to keep you alive.

Mags can’t speak, due to a stroke or something. She’s old, she doesn't know how the new games work, except for the one dead tribute that’s still nowhere to be seen. Her practices are out of tune, they’re so useless but she doesn’t know what to teach the new ones. She tries her best with pencil and paper, but there's really nothing she can do.

Then it’s the sixty-fifth hunger games. The first drawn is a girl that looks too young to win. But she takes a deep breath and gets on stage without any sort of commotion anyway. She bares her chest, arms behind her back, standing tall and proud and as if she can defeat anything in the world despite her young age.

Okay, and then comes the boy. He still looks young, maybe the same age as the girl. He’s tall, and kinda muscular, and he walks up to the stage like he owns it. The world will Ben to his feet if he wants it to. He gets up on the stage, right next to the girl and suddenly they’re standing the same.

When they get to the train, they wave goodbye in a way that says ‘I’ll be home soon’. Because that’s what the Capitol took it as. You heard the whispers in the audience during the recap, and they were all so amazed how you two were so confident. A district that hadn’t had a victor in years thinks that they’re going to win.

Get inside the train, you make an alliance with Finnick immediately. Mags saw that, she isn’t blin. She saw how you two bonded instantly and kept it tight. She heard how you two analyzed the opponents, the people you picked out to worry about. How you two jumped immediately to get info from her, so,etching that most kids probably don’t bother to do anymore because she can’t talk.

They might use her as a prop to get those sponsors. Rely on her to make those connections and figure out the rest for themselves as if she’s incompetent or something. She lost the ability to speak, not to coach. She figured out the new ways to get sponsors, clearly. She made you act like a damsel and Finnick, courageous. 

She’s got two sparkling lovebirds later on. She sees that united front that you and Finnick were going for. When the both of you locked arms on the chariot ride to show that it’s the both of you or nothing. She no doubt heard about trialing, playing on those acts. How you managed to fool the entire nation and most of the tributes into your acts.

And then executed it perfectly inside of the arena. You did everything you could do in the most perfect ways in the circumstances you were in. You saved your ass in the cornucopia and gained trust from Trink when you killed the boy from eleven. You saved them from the bears, stopped Eytelle from suffering, and killed the boy from twelve. More trust points for you. 

You proved loyal when Finnick and Thyme had left. You didn't run off with them. You stumbled when you killed Allio, but you met Blaire which saved you in the end. You and Finnick survived in that cave for weeks, and managed to win because of it. You were sick and dying, and they definitely thought that you were going to drop dead, but you lived. 

The entire experience must have been nail biting for her. Watch as her two golden victors split up, making complete opposite decisions. You gain trust and Finnick kills people with Thyme. You nearly die, and Finnick has to stay in the cave alone. But in the end you two came together. The rules changed, and you two stuck together for it.

You and Finnick really were miracles when it came to winning the games. In the mess that you two created for yourselves, you should have stumbled and fallen. But you kept finding your footing, and it got you to win.

Mags is bringing home two alive tributes, rather than two dead. She can sleep just a little easier knowing she saved two. All the rest weren’t her fault, they just didn’t understand. They had probably succumbed to the idea that they were going to lose, so what would be the point of fighting? 

With this win, it just means she has to pass on the job. You and Finnick know what you’re doing more. You’ll be training the next tributes, and making them as capable as you can so that they win. Instead of Mags taking on the losses, it’ll be you two. It’ll be your faults for not training them properly. Either parent and family will come to you to blame or they’ll know you did everything in your power. 

“Dinner.” Elysia’s voice is dull at the door. You look up briefly to see her walking away, and then you see on the tv that Mags had just won. Finnick is asleep on the couch.

You shake him a little bit, it doesn’t take much for him to jolt awake. You explain to him it’s time to eat, and then the both of you go to the dining car. Only, there isn’t anyone there. People have clearly eaten, but you weren’t invited.

“Nice of them to eat without us.” Finnick mutters, but the both of you sit down, and start eating. The food keeps on coming until you finally call it. You’re still hungry, but you don’t want to eat anymore. You want to lay down and sleep all of this off. Like a bad dream.

Finnick follows you to your room, but it doesn’t matter. You don’t have a good view, you have this boring room. You take a shower and then change into a shirt and shorts. Finnick takes a shower too, and he joins you in the bed. By then, you’re half-asleep. Not worried about what’s to come because he’s next to you.

“I’m here.” You tell Finnick, pulling him into you, “Sleep easy.”

“I’m pretty sure the term is sweet dreams.” He murmurs.

“We both know that the dreams won’t be sweet.”

-- CHAPTER TWENTY --

You wake up on your own. The sun is streaming through the train windows. But it’s still moving, which means that you are much closer now. Maybe an hour and a half out. You need to get up and be ready for the cameras that await you. 

Every time you turn to look at Finnick though, you don’t want to disturb the peace. He’s very clearly tired, the night was in no way easy. He didn’t wake you up or anything, but just by his expression, the dreams haven’t been pleasant. 

How about this, you leave him here to sleep and you go to take a shower. Maybe it’ll wake him up on its own. If it doesn’t, then when you come out you’ll wake him up so he can also take a shower. It’s a simple plan and it’ll work.

You dig through the drawers for a simple dress or something for the cameras. Right in the front is a dress clearly from Laurel. She knew you’d want to look nice or the Capitol provided it because she’s upcoming.

You pull it out, it’s the same color of green of the outfit from the chariot ride. It’s paired with some white to make it pop a little more. You grab white flats that look all too similar to the ones you wore in the second interview.

The shower is quick, because there’s no reason to stay in there for too long. You leave your hair alone—as you did last night too—because it doesn’t look too terribly bad. Mags will correct you if she thinks otherwise at breakfast. If they’re there, that is, and didn’t eat without you like they did with lady nights dinner.

Once you have everything on, you do some twirling and walking around. As soon as everything feels fine, you dig through some drawers. You find the mother of all jewelry, mostly silver. 

A necklace, you skip on earrings, and a few bracelets. No rings from the drawer because yours is inside of the room. 

Speaking of which, you walk out of the bathroom to see Finnick sitting on the edge of the bed, rubbing his face. When you come out, he sits up a little bit, “Wow.”

“Shut up, take a shower. I think we’ll be there soon.” You push his head a little bit, and he laughs.

“I’ll do it in my own bathroom. Even though I love the scent of raspberry and vanilla.” He snickers and dodges your punch.

“You have your ring?” You ask as you slip your own on your ring finger.

Finnick leans over to the bed stand table nearest to him. He opens the drawer and pulls out the ring, “Safe and sound.”

“Good. I’ll see you at breakfast.” You tell him, he pulls you against him for a kiss. You dodge them a little bit, and just when he’s about to give up, you kiss him, “Alright now go take a shower, stinky.”

He laughs, you follow him out of the room but split when he heads off for his own. The walk to the dining cart is relatively quiet. When you get inside, you’re not that surprised to find that Elysia and Mags are eating.

If you’re going to have to deal with her for the rest of your life, it won’t be like this. You’re not going to allow her to basically walk all over you all because you said a few things to her. She’s a grown ass woman, seriously get over it.

“Let’s get one thing clear.” You begin, taking your seat at the table, “If you’re going to act like this every single fucking time we have to be near each other, quit.”

She looks up, “Excuse me?”

“You told us about dinner after you and her had already eaten.” You tell her, “You think you’d know some fucking manners. As well as not waking us up to eat.” She opens her mouth, “And spare me the bullshit about wanting us to sleep in.”

You take your seat at the table, “We’re going to wait for Finnick to get here to continue.”

It’s not that you’re power hungry, it’s a matter of respect. If there’s anything you don’t need right now, it’s her being rude to you. You need her to be understanding because suddenly you’re under a lot of stress. If she knows anything about what’s happening with Finnick, then she should know that you’re in no state to fuck around with.

It’s your fault that she’s acting like this though, even if she was being annoying when you had first woken up, you shouldn’t have snapped at her like that. So, you’ll take the high road--even though she should have done that in the first place.

“I’m sorry for getting mad at you in the corridor, but we need to put that behind us. We’re going to be around each other for god knows how long. We don’t need this,” you tell her, and she nods.

“I accept your apology. And I offer you my own.” she’s quiet for a moment as she messes with a napkin, “I’ve been cold on this trip, I can see it. I’m sorry, it’s not the job I would have gotten. District Four is beautiful, but I didn’t want to represent at all.”

“Unfortunately, we don’t get to make those choices.” you tell her, Finnick comes into the dining cart after that, wearing a black vest with a white undershirt. Black slacks, and shoes. His ring is on his finger, and he wears a similar watch to the one he wore during the interview. 

His hair is how it is normally, a little curly from the shower, but it’ll find its way when it dries. He smiles at you, and then his eyes turn to Elysia, “Good morning.”

She nods at him, and he takes a seat near you. It’s mirrored the exact same way as it was when you were going to the Capitol. Finnick to your right, Mags to your left, Elysia in front of you directly. You drink your hot chocolate slowly, eating as much food as you can afford without feeling sick.

By the time you’re done eating, you only have ten minutes or so before you arrive at the train station. This is the last minute changes you make to your outfit. Where you help Finnick actually dry his hair and style it. Elysia comes down with a bit of simple makeup, highlighting your face for the camera. Some blush, and mascara, you think.

When you’re done, you’re placed in front of the door to the station. You watch as the walls come into view, and then it’s dark when you enter the tunnel. Finnick reaches for your hand, and you take it gratefully. Elysia and Mags position themselves behind you two, since the first thing that your district is going to want to see is you two. Not some person from the Capitol. 

The train stops, you catch Finnick from stumbling. When everything settles, the door hisses, and then they slowly open. 

The sunlight is in your eyes and you haven’t even stepped off the train. The sounds of your district cheering fills your ears, and you wince a little bit at the initial sound because they’re so many of them. The smell of the ocean is so very prominent, salty, representing your district as it should. You can feel Finnick squeeze your hand, and then you’re stepping off of the train.

When your eyes adjust, you’re met with everyone you’ve ever talked to and more. Front row is your brothers, standing tall, waving and cheering the loudest. Alyssum is on Reed’s shoulders, and Mox has his hand on her back to make sure she doesn’t fall. With their free hands, they wave excitedly, faces lighting up at the sight of you.

You nudge Finnick, and motion him to your family, and he smiles immediately. You watch as Reed does the ‘I have my eyes on you’ motion with his hand, but he’s laughing so it’s obviously a joke. Finnick’s hand is like steel in yours, you’re clearly grounding him. This is no place of fun, for you it is.

Elysia then comes around, and she leads you out so that you guys can get your places. However, you stop her before she gets too far and tell her to take Mags back in a car. You’re going to walk. If Finnick wants to join them, then he’s free to.

Finnick opts out, Elysia gets in a car with Mags, and you wave them off. As soon as you two have stepped off the platform, your brothers surround you. Reed passes Alyssum off to you, and she’s wrapping her arms around your neck already, squeezing tightly. Mumbling words about how much she missed you. While Mox is giving your boyfriend a talk.

“I would say no kissing but you guys have passed that point.” Mox gives you a pointed look and you roll your eyes. Finnick laughs, and then he sniffs, “Did I--?”

“No,” you tell Mox, passing Alyssum back to Reed, ignoring her cries of defiance as you wrap your arm around Finnick, “You’re okay, Finnick.”

People eventually air out, and it’s just you, your siblings, Finnick and Caspian. Caspian doesn’t say much, and you’re glad. You don’t want him teasing Finnick, or you for that matter. But something inside you tells you that you won’t be teased for a long time.

You bring Finnick to your old house, which is thankfully a good amount of distance away from where his place is. You ask Caspian to go home, telling him that you’ll talk later. For now, you need to help Finnick with whatever it is he needs.

The second you all are inside the house, Finnick breaks down on the couch. You spend the next hour comforting him, knowing that seeing his family not there to greet him at the station must have done a number. You know it would have for you.

“The peacekeepers…” Finnick trails off for a moment, trying to catch his breath, “They said that I’ll be leaving in two days for the Capitol.”

Your mouth falls open a little bit, “You don’t get to stay for the entire…?”

“The demand is so high--” he bursts into tears again and you’re wrapping your arms around him, squeezing tighter than you ever have.

When you look to Reed, you see he’s staring at you. And he also has some sort of face, like he’s suddenly realizing just how messed up everything is. That it’s not as simple as coming home and spending time with family. There’s more that goes into it.

“I’ll go with you.” you tell him.

“No!” Finnick yells, pulling away from you and grabbing your shoulders. His nose is red and runny, eyes bloodshot from crying for so long. They’re a little puffy too, “If you go then that means you’ll be there for a while. The men--they particularly like the girls. I talked to Pleurisy and they said that if you were included then that means you’d never see the end of it.”

“They’d slow down--”

“No! No, there would be more because there’s two of us. They’d want to see us together. I love you, so I can’t let you do this.” Finnick gasps, “You’re not going to the Capitol with me.”

Your shoulders slump, “You can’t just… stay?”

“They’ll find me. You can’t hide me and I can’t run. There’s peacekeepers outside your door waiting to make sure that I come out. The only way to get out of it…” he trails off, and you can pick it up, and he says quickly, “I’m not going to. But that would be the only way.”

Imagine your male victor who you’re going to turn into a prostitute, killing themselves to avoid it. What would be the option after that?

Your mouth falls open, “They’d go straight to me.”

And then his eyes widen too, and the both of you are staring at each other.

Suddenly you wish you had died in that arena with Finnick by your side. 

--

LACUNA IS THE FIRST VERSION OF BELAMOUR

//MASTERLIST//

[kteabug]

just out of reach - m.list

Summary: Iwaizumi and Oikawa were always within arms reach of the other, but what happens when misunderstandings and unspoken emotions drive them apart? What happens when everything they thought they knew about the other ceases to be true and they are left to pick the pieces of their friendship up…alone?

Pairings: Alpha!Iwaizumi x Omega!Oikawa

Warnings: Angst, Slow-burn, Friends to strangers, Strangers to friends, Occasional smut, Mentions of depression, manipulation, gaslighting, anxiety, toxic behaviors.

Rating: 18+                     Tag list: Open (send an ask to be added)

Word Count: 65,660 (as of latest chapter)

Updates: Irregular            Last Updated: May 22, 2022

JOOR Headcanons

JOOR Playlist

JOOR - OC profile 1

JOOR - OC profile 2

JOOR - OC profile 3

JOOR - OC profile 4

Prologue: latibule

Chapter One: habromania

Chapter Two: eccedentesiast

Chapter Three: induratize

Chapter Four: eshajōri

Chapter Five: whelve

Chapter Six: waldosia

Bonus Chapter One: nepenthe

Bonus Chapter Two: acquiesce

Chapter Seven: setsunai

Chapter Eight: anaziphilla

Chapter Eight.Five: lacuna

Chapter Nine: rubatosis

Chapter Ten: retrouvailles

Chapter Eleven: sillage

Chapter Twelve: resfeber

Chapter Thirteen: kairos

Chapter Fourteen: selcouth

Chapter Fifteen: metanoia

Chapter Sixteen: petrichor

Chapter Seventeen: natsukashii

Chapter Eighteen: ephialtes

Chapter Nineteen: sciamachy

Chapter Twenty: saudade

Epilogue: ikigai

hq m.list

[hollandsrecs]

completed series masterlist (1)

links last checked 16/12/2020 | more masterlists here

2 hearts, 22 calibers by heyhihellowhatsup0

summary: despite discovering the new owner of the club you work at may have his own secrets hidden, the temptation to get closer to him outweighs your trepidation...

12 days of christmas by keepingupwiththeparkers

24 hour, long lasting by madmadmilk

summary: a clumsy you, a tube of long lasting lipstick, a small case of stumbling, a stain, and a boy you never imagined to meet.

chapters: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5

against the agenda by cosmetologynerd

summary: he was tom holland; love was not on the agenda. 

all of the lights by spiderboytherescue

always, yours by angelicholland

summary: you always knew you loved your best friend but you figured that he would never feel the same way, so you set those useless feelings aside. how will you cope when you find a box of letters that tells you otherwise? is it too late to let go of the butterflies trapped deep within you? would he even feel the same way anymore?

apartment 509 by sweetlysilent

summary: tom brings girls home almost daily, something that bothers you to the end of the world; whereas on the other hand you rarely go out, spending majority of your time focused on your studies, something that drives tom insane, the tension between the two of you becoming thicker, even more when he finds out you have a study date.

attachment by hazinhoodies

summary: maybe you held on a little too tight. you were only trying to salvage the most important relationship of your life.

beneath the waves by cosmetologynerd

summary: “please, i wish to be free.” 

black beauty by blissfulparker

summary: tom, the king of hell, has no time for love or any woman in his life. he spends his days finding new punishments for the people who deserve it. you, spend your days in heaven making everyone happy. never wanting a soul to feel down. what happens when heaven decides to send you down to join tom in hell? why would they send their best angel to the devil himself?

born king by spiderboytotherescue

breaking curfew by wazzupmrstark

summary: when you got the job to be a counsellor at the summer camp you’d grown up attending all your life, you expected to see some familiar faces. but you certainly hadn’t counted on having to work alongside the boy who had made it his life’s mission to make your life a living hell every summer. in fact, you thought you’d never have to see tom holland again. but he’s is in the cabin right across from yours with campers of his own- smirk, jawline, and all. if you didn’t know any better you might’ve thought that he applied for the position just to spite you, but who were you kidding? what kind of asshole would do something like that?

clear by peeterparkr

summary: y/n is in town for summer, she wants the sea to wash away the pains of the past, however when a certain surfer comes into her life, the remaining salt might not decant, but maybe some sweet surprises might come to shore

complications by loserparker

summary: being roommates with tom was easy, fun. that is until feelings started getting involved. throw in the fact that both of you suck at communication and things are bound to get complicated.

contrapposto by madmadmilk

summary: you desperately needed a figure model for your upcoming art final and you find a friend willing to pose for you.

chapters: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4

dare you to move by starksparker

summary: friends with benefits is supposed to be just that. friends with the benefits of fooling around and not having anything more than platonic feelings. easy, fun, thrilling, no one gets hurt…right?

determined by blesshimnorris

summary: you are enjoying university life with your fellow housemates, except for tom, who seems to avoid or tease you every chance he gets. but with your birthday slowly approaching he finally tries to make amends.

chapters: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10

dine and dash by blissfulparker

summary: tom comes into your diner every tuesday and thursday, it is no secret that he only goes for you. when will he ever be brave enough to say something, when will you ever be brave enough to let him in?

eighteen by angelicholland

summary: y/n is tom’s math tutor and needed a date for sunday dinner. tom has tattoos all over and just looks like the type of guy who would piss off her parents. will their fake relationship turn into something so much more?

eloped by worldoftom

summary: you and tom have been in a secret relationship for a long time, but what would you do if tom proposed unexpectedly during your vacation in casablanca, morocco?

every step of the way by sunshinehollandd

summary: you and tom are best friends, and you have been for as long as you can remember. after one night, everything changes. but, tom is by your side every step of the way.

ex on the beach by heyhihellowhatsup0

summary: eight months after your ugly breakup with tom, you find yourself stuck together for two whole weeks at a private beach house. just you, tom, some mutual friends, what could possibly go wrong?

for king or country by avengers-sweethearts

summary: from the time you were a child you always lived in the castle. your mother and father were both servants and even after they died you stayed on as one yourself. prince yom was always someone you admired from afar. he was the nicest out of all the holland royalty and incredibly handsome. along the way of your daily duties the prince begins to pay you more attention when you save him from an awkward situation. things get more complicated when his jealous betrothed princess zendaya comes to court and stirs up trouble for the forbidden romance. will prince tom follow his heart or stay true to his country? most importantly of all, will you even make it out alive?

forbidden rose by avengers-sweethearts

summary: if there was one person who knew how to throw a party, it was tom holland. in 1922 partying wasn’t uncommon, but a tom holland party was like none ever seen before. the young billionaire thrived off of rumors and speculation. despite the parties being held weekly, no one had ever seen the mystery man. tom intended to keep it that way until one night an enchanting woman caught his eye. but what happens when her cruel fiancé is tangled up with demons from his past. will their love be enough to overcome the trouble that lies ahead?

forever by starksparker

summary: what happens when a fuckboy with some anger issues and a bad streak is forced to work alongside someone who’s his opposite? and what happens if they can be ripped from him in seconds?

ground rules by madmadmilk

summary: you just love holding someone, and being held. It’s not a hard thing to ask for, but it sure can be hard for someone to understand.

chapters: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9

happiness is a butterfly by blissfulparker

summary: you and tom spend your whole lives looking for your soulmates. how could you not see that you two were right under each other’s noses both coming from a mob family?

heart eyes by madmadmilk

summary: tom holland is a friend that you only see once or twice a year, but when the stars align and you finally start to get close to him again you realize that… you’ve never really known each other at all. he has an emoji tailing after every contact on his phone… but none for you. hm. a soft and bumbling story about how you get to know him, and how he gets to know you.

chapters: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4

heartbreak weather by t-holland2080

summary: after getting out of a rough relationship, you meet tom, who pulls you out of your heartbreak weather.

heavenly yours by tomsrebeleyebrow

summary: angels live in a perfect world. in a complete ivory tower. but loving someone else is forbidden. a true sin.

hostility by starsholland

summary: everything was going well in your life, living in LA, trying to make it big as a journalist, but all of that is foiled when tom holland walks into your life bringing drama and negativity. how much will you be able to take before you finally lose it?

chapters: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20

hotlanta by hollandorks

summary: a fun night in atlanta forces the reader into a fake relationship with celebrity tom holland in order to save both of their careers.

chapters: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10

how to unlove someone by whatevsholland

i only feel you by stuckonspidey

summary: a world in which soulmates feel their other half, physically and emotionally. y/n has given up on finding her soulmate, given up on trying to decipher the sensations he feels and the lifestyle he leads–prompting her to give up on him. her other half, she’d come to find, is the leader of the holland crime family, and in no means the easiest person to love.

kiss currency by madmadmilk

summary: swapping underwear with your best friend’s best friend, while maintaining your cool composure. he’s cute, he’s funny, and you’d be down to kiss him at least once. :)

chapters: 0 | 1 | 2 | 3

lacuna by thollandss

summary: being friends with benefits with a celebrity isn’t easy. nobody said it was.

limits of desire by peeterparkr

summary: you met tom a night he was trying to sleep with you, it didn’t work and you became best of friends. wedding bells might be ringing for when you both realize how you really feel.

london boy by tonguetiedholland

summary: you’re a famous singer and actor whose break up with ex boyfriend, shawn mendes, has just hit the media. when it all feels a bit too much you do the only reasonable thing you can think of, escape to london and lay low for a little while. who knew that tom holland, the boy you’d only met once but had you in the palm of his hand when you did and vice verse, would also be in london at the same exact time?

lucky number by tomhollanders2013

summary: what happens when one of the world’s most famous celebrities accidentally dials your number instead of his new assistant’s... is it a happy accident or a recipe for disaster?

chapters: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7

miss yer kiss by angelicholland

summary: a one-night stand turned something more, you and tom meet again against the odds. an aspiring tattoo artist and a famous actor with “i miss you” on the tip of your tongues meet again and again as you slowly realize what love looks like.

model for me by thollandss

summary: in which you are a photographer for GQ, and during a private session with tom holland, you find yourself getting to know him very well.

money can’t buy you love by hilllsnholland

summary: y/n has worked her whole life to get into the prestige university of her dreams. nothing can stop her, right? maybe tom holland, son of billionaires and the poster child of privilege, who has made it his mission to woo the ‘scholarship baby’.

more than i know by lauras-collection

summary: you need a date for your sister’s wedding and the stranger in the coffee shop seems to be the perfect choice. until you see pictures of yourself and him all over the internet because apparently he’s an international movie star and now the whole world thinks you’re dating. and you have to give the people what they want, right? even if it’s fake.

naughty or nice by avengers-sweethearts

summary: the holidays are the worst time to be alone, especially in a brand new city with a brand new job. when an unexpected meeting with famous actor tom holland ends in the exchanging of phone numbers you find yourself in the dangerous position of falling in love with hollywood’s hottest and most eligible bachelor. unable to help yourself, you being to fall for the handsome actor and will do almost anything to earn his affection. trying to balance work, love, and the holiday proves to be more of a challenge than you had initially thought. the million-dollar question is what side of tom’s christmas list will you end up on: naughty or nice?

of broken promises and heartbreak by softspiderling

summary: it’s been six years since you and tom broke up, six years since you’ve last seen each other. a lot has happened, tom got insanely famous, making countless billion dollar movies, attending one red-carpet event after the other. but now he was attending one event, he wasn’t sure he was ready for. your wedding. and he wasn’t attending as your groom.

chapters: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4

paint the grass green by lauras-collection

summary: a complicated relationship ends when tom breaks up with you after a fight. but it’s about to get more complicated. because how are you going to tell him that you’re pregnant if he won’t let you talk to him? so you don’t. years later you run into harrison, and there’s no denying that it’s tom’s son who’s tightly holding onto your hand. harrison gives you an ultimatum: either you tell tom, or he will.

peppermint by hollandandi

perfidy by peeterparkr

summary: tom and you have been sworn enemies since you were young. however you happened to be best friends with the twins. when one of your friends challenged you to break tom’s heart, you immediately accepted to get back at him for all the times he’s hurt you. old feelings might come back, while both of you try to go past your pride and your lies.

philanthropy by museinmind

summary: things seemed to be going too well in your life when you became your sorority’s president. so of course something has to go sideways somehow, and you end up having to take a chemistry class if you want to graduate next year. so what better person to tutor you than tom, the frat ultra hot boy who hides the fact he has textbooks nearly memorized?

pinky promises by sunshinehollandd

summary: being a single dad to a four-year-old isn’t easy, but tom figures out a way to make it work with the help of his best friend.

season of reunions by unbelievableholland

summary: you were adopted by 2 mysterious agents. you knew you were adopted and you never thought about your original family. being content with the life your parents gave you, why would you? that was, until your parents are killed and you’re left to fend for yourself and with a lot of questions unanswered.

seeing the thing by angelicholland

summary: you’re stage-managing your school’s spring show, almost, maine when you’re taken out of your element by a cocky boy with a dazzling smile and a way to your heart that makes you hate him before you can see the thing.

sincerely, by whatevsholland

summary: you and tom were childhood best friends. but when he started dating the girl who got everything you ever wanted, it began a falling out between you and tom. now he’s back home in london, just in time for your sister to host her engagement party.

single all the way by heyhihellowhatsup0

summary: when tom finds out he has to go home for christmas, he decides to formulate plan so he doesn’t have to run into his ex alone. you.

soulmate by spiderboytotherescue

summary: sometimes finding your soulmate doesn’t always happen where you expect it too. and sometimes, you’re just not ready to fall head over heels in love just yet.

sweetener by keepingupwiththeparkers

summary: okay, so maybe lecture hall proximity and roast calibre weren’t the only reasons for your frequent visits to this particular coffee shop. maybe there was a certain brown eyed brunette who worked there, and maybe he always gave you two stamps on your loyalty card instead of one, and maybe you liked watching his back muscles shift under his stupidly tight t-shirt while he pumped sweet vanilla syrup into your cup. maybe.

take me out by angelicholland

summary: you killed people, people who deserved it, but you killed people and that was your reality. killing is a job for one person. add another and it gets messy. things don’t happen by chance, not in your line of work. you held people’s lives in your hands and made the active decision to end them. what happens when you team up with a gorgeous man with a charming british accent to take out a prolific user of a sex trafficking website? but it was not by chance that you fell in love with him, it was the worst decision you could’ve ever made.

the fame game by duskholland

summary: there’s just something about tom holland that makes your blood boil. he walks around like he owns the world, always with an unhelpful quip or irritating smirk on hand. you can’t stand him, and your feud has burned hard and bright for three years. everything changes following an explosive evening at the oscars, when a questionable encounter with the paparazzi lands you in some hot water with PR. the only way to save your shattered public image is to agree to the unthinkable: tom will be your boyfriend, and you will be his girlfriend - and this might just be your hardest performance to date.

the jar series by libertybarnes

summary: tom holland, notorious mob boss, meets a single mother and her bubbly child and has to learn to live life with something to lose.

the king by sadchappuccino

summary: y/n is an angel who fell from heaven, tom is the king of hell. will they put that aside and fall in love?

chapters: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6

the missing piece by avengers-sweethearts

summary: when you graduated with an elementary education degree you were lost. you thought you wanted to be a teacher but you weren’t entirely sure if it would make you happy. as you’re in between jobs, you’re lucky enough to stumble upon the opportunity to be a nanny for the very rich and very handsome single father, tom holland. tom is busy running a company and he doesn’t want his daughter ella to be alone or sent to a daycare. things get crazy when you move in with the little family. between some secrets about alla and the undeniable attraction between you and tom you’re not sure what your role is to this family. do you keep it professional or do you risk it all and take the chance of falling for tom? only time will tell if you’re the missing piece.

the situationship by fairytelling

summary: a cup of tea can solve just about any problem. except, it can’t solve your confusing, headache-inducing ‘situationship’ with your university flatmate, tom holland.

to new beginnings by petersshirts

summary: it’s time to settle down and when your best friend asks you to have a child with him, how could you say no?

two lies and a truth by lauras-collection

summary: you wanted a fresh start. and uni seemed like the perfect opportunity. until you bump into tom. he says he’s sorry for everything he’s done to you. but can you trust him?

untitled by marvelbws

summary: suits, smirks, and a major sex appeal.

vlogs by spideyyeet

summary: being in the vlog squad was dope af but having david dobrik run into tom holland and getting him to surprise you was a whole other thing. now let’s see what’s it like to have tom meet the vlog squad and be with the girl that’s making him rethink some decisions.

we’re only kidding ourselves by wazzupmrstark

summary: you work as a production assistant for the spider-man: far from home crew, or rather as tom holland’s handler. the two of you don’t get along very well to say the least, but you won’t quit and he can’t fire you so you’re stuck with each other.

wicked games by captainmarvels

summary: in which tom holland, overwhelmed by his personal demons, seeks comfort in the only ways he knows how; spending money and rough fucking. the hotheaded ceo with major daddy issues can’t seem to get it quite right when it comes to you, but is there hope for his heart?

with love, tom by thollandss

summary: when an envelope addressed to tom makes its way into your mailbox, you realize he has enlisted in the army. your walls begin to crumble down at the idea of him leaving you like this. alone for eight weeks. he makes a promise to you, a promise that every week he is gone, he will send you an update letter... but soon enough, you start to not receive them.

yellow roses by grussell63

summary: tom’s mother has him participate in a bachelor-like dating competition, because she is tired of him sleeping around. furthermore she decides to bring in his best friend to spy on the contestants. is tom going to find the one amongst the 12 candidates or is he just going to play his little games?

chapters: 0 | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | EPILOGUE

[anghraine]

“the jedi and the sith lord” - chapter twenty

o_O

Last chapter:

If she’d know she could do that back on Tatooine—

Of course, she couldn’t do it back on Tatooine. Or now, for that matter.

Lucy scowled at the book. The thing she still didn’t understand was how you went around sacrificing your life force at all.

This chapter:

“I need to practice healing,” she said artlessly.

Behind his mask, he blinked. “What?”

“It’s not like there’s a lot of wildlife around here,” said Lucy. “I’ve tried to read the book and figure out the diagrams, but I don’t think I’ll be able to really understand unless I try to do it.”

chapters: chapter one, chapter two, chapter three, chapter four, chapter five, chapter six, chapter seven, chapter eight, chapter nine, chapter ten, chapter eleven, chapter twelve, chapter thirteen, chapter fourteen, chapter fifteen, chapter sixteen, chapter seventeen, chapter eighteen, chapter nineteen

-

Vader had just stepped out of his ventilation pod when he found LX-3, of all people, waiting for him. Already annoyed with his foggy visions while in the pod, he glowered at her through his lenses.

“What are you doing here?”

Doctor Izahay, who had assisted him through today’s time in the tank, glanced from droid to cyborg, plainly perplexed. 

“I came to report on an unexpected occurrence,” Ellex said, and turned her head to stare at Izahay. 

“Return to the medical bay, doctor,” said Vader.

“Yes, sir,” Izahay said, with another suspicious glance at Ellex. She gave her a wide berth as she exited the room. Izahay was efficient and loyal, but not one to hide her judgment of any given situation.

Vader returned his gaze to Ellex. “What is it?”

“It concerns Miss Skywalker,” said Ellex.

Some small part of Vader felt a flare of satisfaction at the name, as he did always did. His name, no matter what Palpatine might pretend, even if it had lost all meaning for him personally. Someone, somewhere, had wanted her to know whose daughter she was. Owen and Beru Lars, he was inclined to think, and rather regretted that they had—obliviously—stood in the way of the Empire. 

A larger part of him was already alarmed.

“What about her?” he demanded.

Ellex said, “She requested that I harm her.”

“What?”

Anakin Skywalker had, despite his long-ago nickname, felt many moments of fear, dread, horror. But this nearly surpassed them all. Lucy had seemed relatively content for weeks, eager if impulsive in her training, no more than annoyed at the worst of times. That was the reason he’d lowered the guard on her. Was she trying to escape, after all, in a different way? Was it—

Recovering some fragment of his composure, Vader said, “In what way?”

“She said that it did not matter,” replied Ellex.

Vader considered that. He didn’t know whether to take it as a good sign or an even more terrible one. Only Lucy, he thought, could answer that question. 

“What did you tell her?”

“That I preferred to keep my processor and circuits intact,” Ellex said. “I did not suppose that you would tolerate such an action, sir.”

“No,” said Vader tightly. “I would not have.”

He found that he could extract no further information out of her, so he dismissed her, and headed towards the training room. It was only a little before Lucy’s appointed arrival, and sure enough, she showed up shortly thereafter, her omnipresent book tucked under her arm. She seemed hurried but no worse.

“What’s on the schedule for today?” she asked.

For a moment, even that seemed unanswerable. He simply looked at her, trying to think of some way to introduce the subject. Nothing came to mind.

“LX-3 told me you asked her to hurt you,” he said. 

At that, Lucy actually wrinkled her nose.

“I should have known she’d tell.”

“Yes,” said Vader. “You should have. What possessed you to request such a thing?”

“I need to practice healing,” she said artlessly.

Behind his mask, he blinked. “What?”

“It’s not like there’s a lot of wildlife around here,” said Lucy. “I’ve tried to read the book and figure out the diagrams, but I don’t think I’ll be able to really understand unless I try to do it. But I couldn’t think of anyone I could try it on, except myself.”

His dread dwindled; he couldn’t sense any deceit from her directly, or in the Force. She’d actually concocted this asinine plan.

“You thought you could sacrifice your life force to yourself?” 

Surprise radiated through her. Then she looked sheepish.

“I suppose that doesn’t make a lot of sense.”

“No,” said Vader, “it does not.”

“I just didn’t think it through that far,” she admitted.

“Clearly.”

“I wasn’t going to have her really hurt me,” she said. “I just needed some scratches. Well, I thought I did. Now, I can’t see any way to try at all.”

She withdrew into a brooding silence, frowning at the floor as her mind jumped from thought to thought faster than he could follow it. For himself, Vader once again had no idea what to say. He had a vague idea that she should be disciplined for such idiocy—and for the alarm she’d given him—but he couldn’t see how. He didn’t want to alienate her just when he’d started making progress, and he could think of nothing but tightening the restrictions on her again. But what would that do? It was Ellex she’d gone to in the first place, and in any case, she was something like an adult.

“Show me what is confusing you,” he said at last.

Lucy brightened and pulled out the book, opening to an early page. On one side, he saw a diagram of a human or humanoid body with lines that might be veins tracing through it. On the other was a long block of text, which he scanned quickly. The lacuna must be adumbrated in concept prior to any supplementary action. 

What? No wonder she’d wanted to try a direct effort, even if the method she’d attempted was incredibly foolish. 

“Now you see the Jedi Order in practice,” said Vader.

“Oh?” 

“Clarity was often not their strong suit,” he said.

She sighed—sometimes he wished he could still do that—and closed the book. 

“I guess not.” Then she looked up at him. “So you can’t heal yourself with the Force? It has to be others?”

“As far as I understand,” said Vader. “At least, if you use the Light Side. I have … heard that some measure is possible with the Dark Side, but I don’t know the details.”

“Hm,” said Lucy. “Can you heal?”

“No,” he said. 

If he had any affinity for the power that kept Palpatine upright, he’d have used it on himself long ago. And if something happened to Lucy, saving her would likewise be beyond his powers, however great they might be otherwise. 

He asked, “Did you never considering going to the medical bay?”

“The med-bay?” For a moment, she seemed baffled. Then her eyes widened. “For practice, you mean?”

“You should have seen other patients when you were there,” he said. All the more after the battle, however quickly it had occurred.

“I was a little preoccupied,” said Lucy. “Anyway, I wouldn’t have thought that Doctor Izahay would let me.”

“Doctor Izahay,” Vader said, “will do whatever I tell her to do.”

“Right.” She dropped her eyes to the cover of the book. “You’ll tell her, then?”

“That depends on you,” he said.

-

To Lucy’s surprise, her—admittedly foolish—misstep of the morning seemed to pass without consequence. The dread Darth Vader, who was also the fierce hero Anakin Skywalker, just looked at her, then walked over to the table. 

“Put down the book,” he said, and picked up a long wire before turning back to face Lucy. “Focus on this.”

She raised her brows. Moving a wire around didn’t seem particularly challenging, but he usually had some other end in mind, obscure to her as so much was. Even though they were psychically linked or whatnot, which seemed unfair. She listened to him in the Force, but felt nothing other than methodical purpose above the subterranean anger and pain. She didn’t think he was angry at her, though, just … always angry to some extent or another. Maybe because of the pain, or some Dark Side thing. 

“I am waiting,” said Anakin, a familiar impatience touching his tone.

Dutifully, Lucy focused on the wire. She could feel it clearly in her mind, the length and narrow breadth and metallic sheen. Okay.

“Now,” he said, “bend it.”

She gave him a puzzled look. “Bend it? How?”

“You can move the whole, can you not?” he said. “Why not just half?”

But it was harder, like the precision work. Minutes ticked by, the wire vibrating in his grip as she tried to move it without moving the whole thing. The grip of his mind was even stronger than that of his hand, and certainly stronger than hers; the wire wasn’t going anywhere. And when she finally succeeded, only a generous person could call it success at all; the wire snapped right in half.

Lucy stared at the pieces. 

“Uh,” she said.

“Interesting,” said Anakin. “I had not intended that yet.”

“Yet?”

“I did intend you to learn to crush and break items from a distance,” he said, which sounded a little horrifying. “If you were, for instance, trapped in a cell—”

“A cell?” she said. “How exactly is that supposed to happen?”

“—then bending and snapping metal bars would be useful,” he went on, unperturbed. “But control is important. Bend this half”—he floated one of the pieces back into the air—“without damaging it further.”

All in all, she spent an hour that day trying to figure out how to move various parts of things without moving the whole, bending and stretching and crumpling them or hitting switches and pulling levers. It was at all points difficult, but she could see the why more easily than most of what she did, even if she couldn’t see the opportunity to use most of it here. By the time it ended, she felt wrung dry, but she still beamed when he handed his lightsaber over. 

It got a little easier over the next few days, though not by much. She thought it would always take more of an effort than most things. Her progress must have adequately satisfied her father, however, because on the fourth day, he took her to the medical bay.

Doctor Izahay glanced up as he entered, her expression shifting from preoccupied professionalism to alarm. Immediately, she hurried over, her gaze briefly flicking from Anakin to Lucy before returning to him.

“What has she done now?” she asked. “Or is it you, sir?”

“Nobody has done anything, doctor,” said Anakin. “Yet.”

Izahay frowned. “Then—”

“Miss Skywalker,” he said, slightly emphasizing the name (our name, Lucy thought), “is my apprentice.”

Izahay looked at her uncomprehendingly.

“She may, perhaps, have found a technique that can aid you,” he went on. “You are to give her full access to the patients.”

“Full access, my lord?” Izahay was already shaking her head. “But what if—is the technique validated by—”

“That is an order, doctor,” said Anakin.

Privately, Lucy insisted on thinking of him by his true name. But she acknowledged to herself that his tone sounded very much Vader in that moment.

Izahay swallowed. “Very well. But she will need to follow all hygiene procedures and limit interference to this … technique.”

“I’m right here,” Lucy said.

Izahay deigned to look at her again. “I see that. Do you understand?”

“Of course,” said Lucy. “I don’t want to harm anyone.”

“See that you don’t,” Izahay replied, then sent a slightly nervous glance in Anakin’s direction. “When should I expect these visits?”

“They will start tomorrow,” he told her, and that was that.

By the time Lucy arrived at the med-bay the next day, she was a little tired from the training with her father, but mostly eager to try to do something, and something on her own, at that. She ignored Izahay’s obvious reluctance, submitted to a change from Padmé’s clothes to white medical get-up, coiled her hair into a net and washed her hands with something that turned them red and stinging. Then Izahay gestured towards a line of patient beds.

“Take your pick,” she said.

Lucy scanned the beds; the patients were nearly all humans, and about half of them asleep, or at least unconscious. She didn’t really feel up to talking to anyone, with so much unspeakable, so she walked towards the furthest of the unconscious soldiers. She couldn’t deny that it seemed strange to be thinking about helping Imperial soldiers, but—well, she had to try to figure this out. And she’d rather not experiment on Rebels, even if it were possible.

She pulled a nearby stool over and studied one of the boards hanging on the wall, which listed each soldier’s injuries with scrupulous exactness. Okay, this one had only been shot in the shoulder—it looked just that bit too deep for bacta to reach.

Feeling a little silly, Lucy reached a hand out and held it above the man’s shoulder. But her theory that it might simply come out of her if the situation called for it was immediately proven false; nothing happened. Conscious of Izahay’s glower, she closed her eyes. How did you just go about giving up part of your life force? 

It’d help if she could feel it. She tried to meditate, ignoring the sharp medical scents around her, straining to feel the energy behind her breaths and pumping blood. But she didn’t feel anything except the Force, and for once, that wasn’t what she wanted—not wholly, at least. She had to give something up. How, though? 

After an hour of nothing, Izahay showed up to shoo her away.

“But—”

“Lord Vader gave me clear instructions,” said Izahay. “You are not to spend above an hour here, and at any sign of weakness your technique is to be immediately halted.”

Lucy nearly wrinkled her nose again. She didn’t see how much progress she’d make in an hour each day. But considering the whole death-if-you-do-it-wrong angle, she could understand why he’d be careful. She was probably lucky he’d allowed this much.

“All right,” Lucy said. “If he says so.”

“He does.” Izahay glanced down at the patient, someone called Lan Grenath. “What did you do?”

“Nothing,” said Lucy.

The next day yielded no better when she tried to push some part of her spirit into Grenath. The Force swirled about her, easy to grasp at the moment, but it didn’t help her do anything. After that, Lucy tried reading the book again, focusing on the sections on the life force itself rather than healing, which she’d previously been more interested in. As far as she could tell, she needed to withdraw into her body (?) to attune herself to the energies within her (???), which she could then manipulate. At least, she thought it meant that. 

The following day, she didn’t even try to heal Grenath or any of the others, instead just folding her hands in her lap and trying to meditate deeply enough to banish everything beyond the limits of her own body. She even had to do her best to block her sense of her father, though she could still feel that he was out there, somewhere. And the day after that, Lucy managed to narrow the world down to her body, tuning out everything else and feeling something beat away within her, beyond the thump of her heart. Was that it?

The sensation quickly faded. But Lucy practiced it even after Izahay kicked her out, and between her training sessions with her father, determined to hang onto it. Yes, controlling objects from a distance and defending herself from blaster bolts were important, but this felt more important still, if she could only get it right. 

On her fifth day in the med-bay, Lucy managed to retreat into herself in the way she’d practiced, this strange other reality enclosing her in a comfortable pulsing darkness. Half-dazed, she reached her hand out again, not quite touching Grenath, and strained to find some way of passing that energy on. She couldn’t push it; she’d tried. But this form of healing used the Light Side, didn’t it? The Light Side didn’t like being pushed. 

Lucy hung onto the energy within her and reached for the Force, struggling to let both flow through her. For a moment, she just felt dizzy and confused, her mind tugging against itself—and in the next moment, it felt like something swung around, everything pouring through her body as if she were nothing but a vessel of the Force. As quickly as it had happened, the sensation stopped.

She looked down at his shoulder. The discolouration of his skin was gone. The tear left by the blaster was gone without so much as a mark left behind. Even an old scar several inches away was gone. 

Lucy didn’t dare risk Izahay’s ire by raising her voice, so she strangled the impulse and instead pulled her hand back. Walking over to Tisix, she quietly asked the droid to evaluate the injury to Grenath’s shoulder.

Tisix grumbled but complied, stalking after her and then stopping at the man’s side and giving a low whirr.

“There is no injury,” Tisix announced. “Is that quite all?”

Lucy smiled at nothing in particular. “Yes. I think it is.”

-

She raced into the training room that day, heedless of anything but not tripping over her own boots. Inside, she found Anakin methodically chopping a pipe into segments for no apparent reason, the red lightsaber flashing.

“Father,” she said breathlessly. “I did it!”

He extinguished the lightsaber before turning to look at her. “You did what?”

“I healed someone! One of the soldiers in the bay!”

She felt his attention sharpen, narrowing in on her.

“I’m fine,” she told him. “A little tired, but that’s all.”

“Good,” said Anakin. She wasn’t exactly sure which statement he was responding to, but felt too ecstatic to bother trying to figure it out.

“I did it, though! There’s not even a scar now.”

“Very impressive,” he said. 

Lucy grinned.

“All the more,” he said, “as you required no training in it.”

She thought about that. “It felt like I did, but I guess not. It didn’t come as naturally as some other things, though. I can’t wait to go back tomorrow—”

“Absolutely not,” said Anakin. “You’ll need to take several days to recover and replenish your life force.”

“But I don’t feel like—”

The mask seemed particularly relentless. She exhaled, but couldn’t feel too much disappointment in this moment. Instead, she smoothly transitioned from an explanation of how she’d finally managed to heal to her training of the day—which was mostly the same as the previous few days, except that Anakin had Ellex shoot her with two blasters at once, from varying directions. That way, she didn’t do nearly as well as usual at deflecting them, even with the Force flowing through her, though she was never completely stunned. As usual, however, she improved over the next several days, and Anakin let her return to the med-bay. 

Now, Lucy tried a patient with a more severe injury, one that had perforated his lungs. She wouldn’t be able to get her hand as near the injury as before, though she didn’t know if that actually mattered or just helped her direct the energies. It took multiple tries, but on the fifth, he seemed to breathe more easily, his features smoothing over, and on the seventh, a machine beside the bed started beeping. Izahay came running over.

“What did you do?”

“You’ll see,” said Lucy.

Izahay scanned the readings, her brow furrowing. “That’s impossible!”

Lucy, perched on her stool, just swung her legs back and forth, smiling as Izahay turned to her. 

“What did you do?”

“You’ll have to ask Lord Vader about that,” Lucy told her. She did feel a little light-headed this time, but no worse than that.

Izahay evidently did ask Anakin about what had happened, because he quietly congratulated Lucy again when she showed up for her formal training that day. She’d taken a nap and felt fine again, thankfully. She managed to deflect the blaster bolts from all directions and when he set the blue lightsaber on the table and told her to activate it without touching it, she managed it after several tries—it seemed to resist the tug of her mind somehow, but not indefinitely. 

Anakin took the lightsaber and turned it over in his hands, seeming almost lost in thought.

“The time has come,” he said. 

Lucy blinked up at him. “The time for what? Are you going to teach me something else?”

“Not at the moment,” said Anakin. He slung the lightsaber back on his belt. “I have seen the location of Jerjerrod’s and Varti’s private fleet. Meanwhile, Jerjerrod is preoccupied with the Emperor’s project. Varti has returned to Naboo.”

Something in him recoiled from the mention of that particular planet, though Lucy didn’t know why.

“Oh,” she said. “So it’s a good time to check things out?”

“Precisely,” he replied. “However, if I were to appear there in person, it would immediately raise alarms. I go nowhere unnoticed.”

“True,” said Lucy. “Well, you’ll have to send an agent.”

“Yes, I will,” he said slowly. “In a matter of this much importance, it would have to be an agent of extraordinary capabilities and dedication. One who could communicate their observations and actions without any possibility of detection, and respond to my thoughts and plans in an instant.”

She drew a sharp breath.

Back in the Rebellion, quite a few people had dismissed Lucy as a skilled soldier but not much else—good at flying and shooting, not thinking and plans. But she was by no means a stupid woman. 

Lucy met his gaze as directly as she could.

“You’re talking about me,” she said.

[ilguna]

Lacuna - Chapters 1-4 (f.o)

summary: they say the odds tend to favor those who need them. well, they were wrong.

warnings; swearing.

wc; 14.8k

NOTES; I give reader a last name to fit the world.

– 

-- CHAPTER ONE --

The sound of screaming jolts you awake, enough to get your heart racing, and the grogginess of sleep is completely erased from your mind. Your eyes search the room quickly, looking for some sort of intruder, until you realize it’s just your sister again. Awake before the rest of the house, uncomfortable because of the silence, and probably starving.

You’re not sure how it’s possible to have the same exact reaction every single time she does it. But your brain thinks the same thing without fail, that someone has just broken into the house, and you’re about to get murdered. It’s ridiculous for a couple of reasons. The first, is that they would most likely not go for the back room first. And the second is that no one gets murdered here.

If anything, everyone huddles up together, protecting each other the best they can. To turn against someone else would be ridiculous. There is no reason for murder, when two of you get picked off every single year. If anything, you should be teaming up together to get it stopped. But that would cost thousands of lives, once again.

With a yawn, you push yourself off of the bed, dragging your feet when it comes to taking care of your sister. The second you’re in sight, she seems to calm down a little bit, holding her arms up to you. You scoop her up, holding her against your chest as you shush her slightly, bouncing your steps a little more as you head into the kitchen.

No one else is home except the two of you. Reed and Mox are most likely on a boat in the middle of the water, fishing to fill today’s quota. They’ll be saving a couple for you guys later tonight, and if they come back with enough, you’re sure they’ll send you to the square to trade for bread, and anything else you’ll need for today.

You can take a guess already. It’ll be soaps and shampoos, and if there isn’t a nice enough outfit that you can find in your mom’s old wardrobe, then you will have to go out to buy a hand-me-down from the square. Alyssum--your sister--will most likely fit in to her outfit from last year, she hasn’t grown much since then. Your brothers stopped growing a couple of years ago, and they fit into your fathers pants and shirts just fine.

As you set your sister up on the floor with a little bit of soft, fresh bread, you head to your parents room. Holding your breath when you open the door, because you only come in here once a year. This will be the one time you permit yourself to look over it again. You don't’ stay for very long though, you don’t want to kneel and cry on the floor like you did two years ago. You’re terrified of the never ending onslaught of tears again.

Reed doesn’t have the same reaction as you and Mox do when you come into the room. Reed has to be the strongest, in his mind. He doesn’t want to watch as his younger siblings collapse and crumble beneath him. He lets you guys use him as a platform, and only sometimes do you get to return the favor.

You open the creaky wooden door, looking over the dresses. A frown comes over your face when you realize that last years had hardly fit. And if last year was a bust, then that means that all the others won’t be big enough either, right?

Even though you’re sure that it’ll be impossible for you to fit into any of them again this year, you pick out the biggest one. It’s the closest to the end, one you haven’t worn before because it was too big beforehand. How the tables have turn.

After you lay it over your arm, you shut the wardrobe doors and leave the room. After, you quickly lay the dress on the desk in the corner of the room. Something your father used to sit at every night as he wrote up things for the peacekeepers to send. While you’re in your room, you open up the shutters to see that the sun is higher than you thought. You’d think it to be early morning, the sky not even turning blue yet.

Quickly, you place your black flats beneath the dress, and you also lay out Alyssum’s baby clothes. By the time you’ve returned to the living room, Alyssum is finished with the bread. She chews on her favorite stuffed animal, staring off into space. Not a single care in the world.

Just as you’re deciding to change Alyssum and maybe start up the first bath of many that will happen, the door swings open. Mox is the first to appear in the doorway, hauling the cooler in his arms. When he sees you standing by the couch, he offers you a tight smile, before heading straight for the fridge.

On the other hand, Reed has a basket of bread. You’ll take a bet right now, that Mox had lost whatever game they were playing on the boat, making him carry the heavy cooler, while Reed got the lightest thing in the world. Reed shuts the door behind with his foot, and then he shuffles over to the counter, clearing the cutting board and knife into the sink to make room, before he sets it down.

“I’ve fed her.” you tell him, “And I’ve picked out her outfit and everything. Do I have to run down to the square for anything? Soaps?”

Mox groans out a complaint as he struggles to lift the cooler again. Reed chuckles, smirking at him, before he turns to you, “No, I got them early this morning before anyone else could. Go ahead and take a bath first, I have to help him out.”

“Shut up.” Mox shoots at him, glaring.

You leave the room quietly, picking up the dress from the room, and whatever you’ll be wearing underneath. The bath is a blur as you scrub the salt scent from your skin. It isn’t until you’re nearly done, when you realize that the soap is going to definitely cover it, with the sickeningly sweet smell that comes from it.

You take your time to dry your hair, getting dressed slowly to ensure that you don’t accidentally rip the dress, only to find out that it slips on freely. It’s not tight on you as you expected, you could run and nothing would tear. Once you leave the bathroom, you take your towel and brush with you, going to sit in your own room while you do your hair.

Just as you’ve gotten your hair to stay in place, with it being pulled back as best as possible so that you can see, Reed hands Alyssum off to you to dry off a little more and get dressed. It’s too easy for her, she doesn’t have much hair, you gather it into a tiny ponytail that makes a palm tree on the top of her head. For a cute effect, you add a bow to it. 

Reed and Mox are ready faster than you are. However, just because they’re fast, doesn’t mean that they’re not dragging their feet when it comes to leaving the house. The second you leave, it’s straight for the stage, where you’ll watch this years unfortunate tributes get reaped for the hunger games.

You could say a million bad things about the Capitol, and the games. But instead, you’ll keep it quiet this year. Because if there’s anything you don’t need right now, it’s being pulled in for the games. Your brothers can’t handle another death in the family, you know it.

Your mom had done enough damage on everyone, but your father was still around long enough to stay strong. Those are the only times you remember Reed still being so soft. Your mom had died giving birth to Alyssum, and no one had realized that she was bleeding to death until it was too late. Thankfully, you were too young, not allowed to be in the room until you were forced to say goodbye, before you were whisked away again. The next time you saw her after that was in the casket.

Your dad had done remarkably well when it came to keeping up with work, and juggling you and Alyssum. Mox and Reed were a year shy of not being in the reapings anymore, so they knew they would have to work harder, no matter what it took or sacrificed.

All that preparation had done Reed good, you suppose. Because only a few months later he would die in a fishing accident. Taking out District Four’s best fishers. For a while, there was talk that it was done on purpose, and the peacekeepers were tired of having to deal with every single person on that boat. But that wouldn’t add up correctly, because your dad was almost always a favorite of the peacekeepers, even the new ones.

In your opinion, your family has gone through enough. Too many have died, and honestly, you all were orphaned for a while, but under the radar. The second that Reed had turned eighteen, he immediately filed to be seen as the parent for all of you. Which stopped the community home from trying to snatch you up.

You guys stop to have the quick breakfast that was somehow skipped over by accident. Consisting of mostly bread, until Reed decides that it doesn’t hurt to have a little bit of fish too. When you’re all finished, the table is cleaned, and then you really have to leave the house.

The walk to the stage is mostly quiet. Reed will play around with Alyssum occasionally, but she mostly stares at the people around you. She hasn’t seen this many people gather together before, it’s mainly just you three, and then the neighbor kids. She wasn’t old enough last year to fully realize what was going on around her. Curious, for sure, but not really caring.

On the way, you manage to catch sight of one of your friends. The second that she turns her head in your direction, you wave. It takes her a moment to realize who you are because of the distance, but soon enough she buddies up next to you.

“Hey, pretty dress.” you tell her, and she beams a little bit.

“Thanks! That one’s new on you, did last year not fit?” she asks, she knows that this is your mothers dress no doubt, but she doesn’t bring it up. Instead, she alludes to it.

“It was tight enough last year, so I was sure it would rip by the seams this year. I found this one at the end.” you tell her, and she nods lightly.

The both of you go on like that, going back and forth talking about what you had done today. It isn’t much, but it’s enough to fill the silence, and suppress the sickness that’s beginning to rise in your stomach, like it does every year. You’d call it intuition if it weren’t so common.

She’s a year younger than you, so she has to move to her age group, fourteen. While you on the other hand, move to be in fifteen. As everyone slowly files in to the sections, you look to find Reed and Mox again, to see that they’re standing off to the side. Alyssum is on Reed’s shoulders, making him very easy to spot. He holds onto her hands tightly, not risking the chance of her falling. With them is one of the neighbor’s sons, Caspian. 

Soon, you turn back to look at the stage again to see that the governor is helping Mags up onto the stage. She’s the only victor of this district, and she’ll be the only help to anyone going into the arena. You really wish that the main career districts would stop being so prestigious, and allow others to win too. That they’d stop training their kids illegally and actually have a sliver of a chance like the rest of you.

They must have so many of their victor houses filled, that they’re always creating more. One new one every year, just in case they win again, which is hardly ever not the case. Instead of a single dozen, they must have four or five. 

Soon, the shuffling of feet has stopped, and the anthem plays. You watch for the fifteenth time as they play the same video. Listen as the same speech is given. That this is what the districts have earned, and being descendants from the originals that had thrown the revolution, you’ve automatically been given the same burden. Being alive is simply offensive to the Capitol.

And then the governor closes his speech, and your districts Capitol representative heads up to the microphone. Elysia Fardust--you really can’t believe that they have ridiculous names like that, as if the body modifications weren’t enough--is looking a lot more humble this year. Last year she had outdone everyone, wanting at least one year in the spotlight, you guess.

She wears a blonde wig, you can tell by the way it shines in the sun, reflecting the light off of it. They could have done their very best with it, trying to make it look realistic, and it still would have turned out looking cheap. Her theme this year seems to be blue and gold, since that’s what the frilly dress she wears is made up of. On her feet is also a pair of gold heels. They look like they would be trouble to walk in, but she moves around just fine. Around her wrists are bracelets that jangle and shine the light back into your eyes at the wrong angle.

There’s a huge smile on her face as she stands tall, “Good afternoon, citizens of District Four.” Unlike other representatives you’ve had, her accent doesn’t stand out as much, it’s a subtle thing, almost as if she’s ashamed of it, “Happy Hunger Games.”

You roll your eyes involuntarily, letting them land on the ground as you shake your head softly. Because only to the Capitol people, is this entire event amusing. Watching others fight to the death so that one may be the winner, win his life back. While everyone back home is forced to watch it in agony. A few will take bets, as their hopes for winners sink each year when all they get are dead bodies in the end.

“We’ll start with the ladies.” she chirps, and you feel the swarm of butterflies first, and then the disgust of her tone crushes all of them at once. Except for a few, which cause more harm than good, as they fly around. 

You can’t help but to turn to look at Reed and Mox, hoping that they can see where you’re standing. And miraculously, you’re able to catch Reed looking at you at the same time. Mox catches on eventually and looks over too. He also mouths for you to breathe.

The faint clinking of rings makes you look towards the stage again to see her pulling out the white paper slip. Butterflies swarm, and the only thing you can relate this feeling back to, is when you have those rare presentations in school. The type that means a lot on who you are, and the grade you recieve.

There’s a pain in your chest as you hold your breath to make all those butterflies stop flying and die from the lack of air. You’re not the only one though, you can feel every single girl that’s eligible to be put in the games, collectively hold their own breaths. Eyes wide and staring just like you are, hoping and praying that it’s not going to be you.

Elysia takes her time, unfolding the paper. She reads it to herself first it seems, before a wide smile spreads over her face, and she looks out to you girls, “Our girl tribute is (Y/n) Gallows.”

-- CHAPTER TWO --

You feel lifeless. As the blood drains from your face. As the wind leaves your lungs. As all the strength you had minutes ago suddenly diminishes. Standing is a hard thing to do. You feel like you should collapse, head aimed toward the sky as you stare. Leaving people to wonder if it’s the shock, or if it’s refusal to go up to the stage.

All you can do now is stare straight ahead at the stage. Feeling all the eyes bore on the back of your head. They’re all giving you away, and if they’d just look somewhere else, then they would have absolutely no clue that it was your name that was called. Elysia wouldn’t be able to spot you so easily like she is now, and the peacekeepers wouldn’t have started their march.

You swallow down the vomit, gritting your teeth as you clench your fists tightly at your sides. Robotically, you turn your body, being gentle on your feet as if you’ll fly into the air if you’re light enough. On the way to the walkway, you get a clear look at Reed and Mox and regret it immediately. You didn’t need to look at them, not yet.

Reed’s face is hard, straight and angry. He looks like one of those tributes that get thrown in once in a while. The type that fight really hard and nearly win every single year. Until some brat career district comes around and kills them off. Reed’s lips are pressed in a thin line, and his eyes stare into yours.

Mox isn’t as stoic. His eyes are glossy, you can see them from where you’re standing. You can also see how red and blotchy his face is getting. He’s already been crying, the tears must have burst right after your name had been called. But you don’t remember hearing the sound of him crying.

You could have easily missed it while your brain threw you in a surprised mindset. It would have been easy to miss the sounds of everyone around you--although you’re sure that there wasn’t much noise in the first place--as you were suddenly clouded by your thoughts. Different escape plans had come to mind, but all of those would have been foolish. You would be laughed at later on for being so cowardly.

When you make it to the walkway, you clear your face as best as you can, standing tall and squaring your shoulders. You force yourself to look tough, even though every single part of you is screaming. As long as you don’t look vulnerable on the outside, you’ll be fine. 

Elysia’s eyes follow you up the steps, taking your hand when you’re within length, and stopping you in front of the girls bowl. From here, you can see everyone, especially your brothers who aren’t looked so hot now. They must be envisioning it now, seeing you in the games. They must be seeing all of the scenarios, knowing that you’ll end up in at least one of them.

Elysia doesn’t waste any time, moving on to the boys bowl. She takes her time like she did the first time, reaching for one of the top ones, instead of digging her hand in the bowl like she did before. Had she plucked one from the top, you wouldn’t be where you are.

Suddenly, you’re glad that Reed and Mox are too old to be placed in the games. Too old to volunteer over some random boy that will be picked. They need to be here for Alyssum, and you know that very well. You’re sure that if it were possible, Reed would most definitely volunteer, so that he would be able to protect you in the games the entire time.

Mox wouldn’t be able to stomach it, being in the arena. He would last only so far, because he can’t kill people. He can hardly stand fish being killed so that you guys can live every single day. So that you can provide for the Capitol. Killing people is absolutely out of the question. But Reed would do it if he could. He’d do it for you because he knows that’s what an older sibling is supposed to do. Protect the younger ones.

Elysia unfolds the second paper, “Finnick Odair.”

You have to stop yourself from opening your mouth when your eyes land on him. And you know that you’re utterly screwed, because this is not an older boy that would take pity on you and hopefully keep you around in the arena because you’re from home. No, this is Finnick, fourteen, handsome, a year younger than you.

You will be expected to look over him, since you’re the older one now. The only experience you have when it comes to fourteen year-olds is the girl that you’re friends with. Who is staring at you with big eyes still, like she can’t believe she was just talking to you, and now you’re going to be sent into the games. She’s also thinking of all the possibilities.

Finnick comes down the aisle with the same hard look on his face that you had. Elysia doesn’t hold her hand out for him. Instead, she lets him walk in front of his bowl, and she turns to everyone that’s waiting below.

“May the odds be ever in your favor.” she says again, the first time was before it had started, “You can shake hands, now.”

She backs up, allowing you to get a look at Finnick. 

You’ve seen him around school, and you’ve talked to him plenty of times. He’s smart, he’s as knowledgeable with knots and fishing as you are. He’ll be a good swimmer, and he’ll know a few plants that are edible. And if he prefers spears rather than the actual fishing pole, then he’ll be able to throw well too. 

There’s got to be some hidden skills in there. But all you know for the most part, is that you’re even on some playing fields. You’re coming from the same district, you’re going to have the same skills. It won’t be like people coming from the main career districts, because they have years of training under their belt with so many things. It won’t be like the outsider districts like ten, eleven and twelve.

You’d consider Finnick a friend at this exact moment, with all of the times you have talked and all of the things you know about him. He’s your friend, and you hope that he considers you the same. Because in the arena, you’ll hope that he’ll consider an alliance. He’s from home, he’ll share the same memories, and he’ll make you feel safe again.

You take Finnick’s hand in yours, shaking it a couple of times. 

And then, you’re ushered off of the stage. You and Finnick are separated from each other as you’re guided and then locked into a room. Here, you pace the room back and forth, because it’s beginning to sink in. You’re going to be sent in an arena with twenty-three other teens your age, and you’re going to be forced to kill them. You’re going to have to survive the best you can, no matter how hard that is.

The door opens minutes later, and you look up to see your three siblings. You only have a couple of minutes to talk to them, says the peacekeeper. Then he shuts the door, and you’re engulfed in arms.

“Remember all the knots I taught you,” Reed tells you immediately, “How to prepare the fish properly, cook it thoroughly. Boil the water at least before you drink out of it. If they have iodine then that’s what you need to put in it, only a few drops.”

Between gasps of air, Mox begins to give his input, “If you can, make a spear. It doesn’t have to be fancy, just sturdy enough to throw. A strong stick, and sharpen it to a tip with a sharp rock.”

You suddenly know why they’ve been teaching you this information all these years. And you know why your dad did the same to them when the time came. It’s because if this had happened, you would be very good at all of the things that they had taught you over the years. There would be no time for hesitation inside of the arena, and there would be no possibility of that if you were so good at everything that would be used inside of there.

They’ve been preparing you this entire time.

Alyssum reaches for you, and Reed passes her over. You bounce her in your arms lightly, hugging her to your chest as you press a kiss to her forehead. This might be the last time you get to hold her. The last fuzzy memory she will have of you.

Mox must remember the same thing at the same time you do, because his arms swarm you again, and Reed follows. You stand there quietly for a long moment.

“Win, (Y/n).” Reed tells you, “Do everything you can to win. Don’t fall to the obvious things, you know how well you are. Don’t mess it up in there.”

“I know.” you whisper, and just before the doors open, Reed presents you with a freshly polished ring.

It takes you a moment before you recognize it, and that’s when your eyes go wide. It’s your mom’s engagement ring. Your mother hadn’t wanted something big on her finger, and so your dad got her something small. Something that represented the district, while also being a very beautiful ring.

It’s a silver ring, with one lone wave in the middle of it. You take it in your fingers, turning it over for a moment before you slide it on your ring finger with shaky hands. By the time you’ve looked up to thank him, there’s tears gushing down the sides of your cheeks.

Then, the door opens and Reed and Mox are scrambling to give you the last bit of affection they can afford. You kiss Alyssum one last time, before Reed carefully takes her from you. And the last thing you see are a fresh wave of tears on Mox’s face. The door shuts heavily after that, and you have to force yourself to sit down, as you wrap your arms around yourself.

You have a chance, you know that. There’s a chance that you will make it out of this, and you have to hold onto that. You can’t accept defeat just yet, because that’ll ruin your entire mindset. You’ll go into the games thinking you’re going to die, and it’ll take away all your fight. You’ll be weak, useless and depressed. Even the most incompetent fighter will be able to take you.

The doors open again, taking you by surprise as you look up to see Capsian. You and him don’t talk much. In fact, you two hardly get along because he’s always picking on you, and Reed won’t tell him to knock it off. You eventually started a grudge on him, and the resentment just grew from there on.

“I’ll take care of your brothers,” he tells you, “I’ll stay with them to help out around the house. My entire family wishes you good luck in the games.”

“Thank you,” you say, curling up on the couch, he takes this as an invitation to sit on the other end.

“You’ll be good at the games, I can feel it.” he tells you, nodding to himself as he stares out the window, “We’ll be cheering you on from here.”

You don’t say anything to this, and the rest of his few minutes is spent in silence. He wishes you luck once more, before he disappears out the doors, and then just like that, you’re left alone again. It isn’t for long, as the peacekeepers escort you to the train station, where you see your brothers standing there for a final time, since they have to see you off, no matter what happens.

You know that you’ll be on camera again here, and so you stop to stare off at the district. Then, you raise your hand to wave, eyebrows drawn together as you’re thinking.

Farewell District Four, you think, it’s been fun.

The second after you’ve stepped inside, the doors shut behind you. The train starts moving, and you can feel the shift in the air. You don’t stumble like Finnick, who has to put his hand on the wall to get a hold of himself again.

You stare at Finnick for a moment, unsure of how to approach this. Because you want to have him as a friend now, and have his back for as long as it will last. Which will hopefully be up until you’re bet against each other.

“Allies?” you ask hopefully, “Until we have to kill each other?”

“You’re start awfully early, don’t you think?” he doesn’t answer you initially, but he doesn’t waste too much time, “Yes, until we have to kill each other.”

“Glad to see you two are friendly,” Elysia says, interrupting us, “Your rooms are ready for you.”

“Thanks,” you mutter, beginning to walk towards yours, but Finnick doesn’t let you go so easily.

“You want to stick together?” 

The last time you’ve talked to Finnick had to be at least a couple of weeks ago. When you have the time, it’s normally clipped, little things. Passing conversations, because there’s never enough time to have full ones. It’s during school, and hardly after unless you accidentally run into him in the square or something.

You and Finnick spend your time doing different things, sometimes. You have been trained in all things with water, with the best of Reed’s knowledge with only Mox to back him up on things. You’ve been tying and retying knots. Throwing spears, and harvesting water plants.

It’s required that Finnick do the same, but he has his own preferences. You see him with his favorite trident all the time, playing around with it. There was only one time you had seen him throw it, and when it had come out of the water, five different fish were speared. You’re not sure about the plants, but he has to know how to cook at least. And he has to know his fair share of knot tying, but you’re not sure what he knows. 

Reed tried to cover every single one that he had heard of, and even went as far as to seek out the elderly in District Four to learn how they do things too. What they remember from the times when they had to fish for the Capitol. And then he would take that information, come home and teach it all to you. You weren’t expected to know all of it, but to absorb most of it.

While Finnick probably didn’t have to deal with that almost every night. You partially know this, because you’ve seen him around with the girls in his class. Finnick looks old for his age, which means that he’s growing into his face. He’s more attractive than all the boys in your grade, at least.

The sponsors will love him, and he has to know that somewhat.

“What do you mean?” you ask.

“At the training, and stuff like that.” So, he means besides the arena.

“I don’t see why not.” you tell him, stopping in front of your room, your fingers find the ring and you fidget with it slightly, not used to the feeling on your finger, “Wake me for supper?”

He nods, giving you a big smile before he goes to his own room. You walk inside, listening as the doors shut behind you. The second that it’s gone, you head for the bathroom, sliding off the ring and placing it somewhere safe on the counter. Just for an extra measure, you pull up the tab that blocks water, so it doesn’t fall in and go down the drain.

You peel off your clothes, before hurrying inside of the shower that you started. You pull out your hair, letting the warm water wash over it. And while you’re standing there, you realize just how weak you feel from the entire thing. You can’t help but to sink into a sitting position, pulling your knees to your chest as you stare off at the wall for a while.

It must have been an hour you sat in there, just thinking about what it’s going to be like for the next couple of days. You’re not going to be thrown in just like that, you’re going to have to be presentable to the Capitol. You’re going to have to earn sponsors, and look like you have a chance at winning the games. You’re going to be forced to grit your teeth some more and smile. Tough it out until you’re finally inside of the arena.

You brush your hair carefully again, pulling it out of your face again. You look over the drawers carefully, and then you decide that a tank top and shorts will do you good. You want to feel comfortable here, for as long as possible. You want to hold on to what you would be doing at home. And then you grab the ring, putting it back on your finger.

Finnick comes to knock on your door, telling you that it’s time to eat. This is when you see he’s changed into something more comfortable too. He’s doing the same thing you are, because both of you are kids. You shouldn’t be thrown into the games, because you guys are so young. People under the age of sixteen hardly win.

Twelve and thirteen are the death years. If you get picked at those ages, you’re dead, there’s nothing you can do. Your body is so small, and you have no clue what to do still. They don’t have those years under their belt, they’re still struggling with the complicated knots.

Fourteen it gets better, but only by a little bit. No one has won at the age of fourteen, the youngest it gets is fifteen, and that year was a miracle. You weren’t able to see it, but Reed had explained it to you, that it was a particularly hard game. But the boy had won by waiting it out, and found a way to make the food and water last long. He killed only one person that year, and it was the girl that would have won

Sixteen and up, they have the best chances. They’re even better if they’re careers, which makes them deadly. If you run into anyone above the age of sixteen you can consider yourself dead, because they’ll overpower you so easily. The only chance you’ll have, is if there’s distance between the both of you and you have some sort of long-range weapon.

In the diner cart, sits Elysia and Mags. Mags watches as the both of you come into the room. Elysia looks over you guys with a squint, like she can’t believe that you’re dressed like that, and then she smoothes over, relaxing her face. Probably afraid of suddenly getting wrinkles. 

The second you two have sat down, the food arrives. And it starts off slow, and all that Elysia has to tell you, is that more will keep coming, so eat slow and don’t take too much. 

You follow just that, taking in all the different flavors, and how it’s so much more different than fish and bread every single night. With the occasion fish stew if the neighbor next door invited you over for dinner if you had brought her family a lot of fish that afternoon. Those nights, you’d think of them as feasts, because you would bring over more food to share and go around if you had it to spare. Eat like kings and queens, even if it was once a month.

After a certain amount of time, Finnick is tired of the silence, “Mags, when will you begin to mentor us?”

Your eyes drag across the table, landing on her. She struggles for a moment, and then she speaks. But the words are garbled, and it takes you a second to decipher them. 

“Tomorrow morning.” 

Finnick seems to understand as well as you have, so he nods and you guys go back to eating. Somewhere along the way, your stomach starts to feel upset, but you keep eating anyway. The more food you eat, the more pounds you’ll be able to tack on. More weight you’ll have on the others that will be thrown in the arena.

Once you’re done eating, Elysia brings you to the couch to watch the recap of the games. As much as you don’t want to watch all the children get reaped—and the rich kids volunteer—you know it’ll help you in the end. Let you size up the other tributes without being there in person. When you do finally get the chance tomorrow or the day after, you’ll see how tall they are and just how screwed you may be.

The girl that’s volunteered has clearly been training for a while. You watch as the muscles in her arms tense, and then release like she’s purposely flexing to show off her strength. She’s taller, and because of how strong she is, it’s made her look bigger. However, that doesn’t stop her from being pretty. You mark her in your mind immediately, Trink is her name, she’s from District One. 

With her is a boy that isn’t as impressive, most boys who volunteer are normally tall and muscular, so nothing stands out about him. For girls, it’s just not the same. They’ve been training for just as long, but most of the time they look harmless. It isn’t until they’re thrown into the games, when they show off their true nature.

The boy’s name is Lennox, and he’s definitely taller than you, because he easily towers over the girl next to him. If you’re taking guesses on ages, then the girl is sixteen and he’s the same age or seventeen. He looks older, but then again, so does Finnick and he’s fourteen.

You look at Finnick to see how he’s accessing this entire thing too. He’s thinking, staring at the screen with a straight face, and then he laughs. When he turns to look to you, he shakes his head, “Careers.”

He says the word as if it explains what he’s laughing about, and you turn to see just in time that Trink and Lennox are grinning at each other. Arms locked around the other, as they turn to their district to wave. Clearly they’re proud of where they’ll be coming from.

Another district to watch out for is the following, two. Another part of the careers, people that you’ll be expected to team up with to hunt and kill.

The girl is taller than the boy this time, and she holds her chin high. There’s this sickening grin on her face as she bares her chest out for everyone to see. She wants them to know that she’s just as proud. Her name is Eytelle, probably stolen from one of the Capitol people. Since two is one of the favored ones as well. 

The boy looks strong though, his name is Allio. In his hand he holds a stick that he’ll turn over in his hand every now and then. You have to focus to see what he’s doing exactly, but when you catch the glint of the silver, you realize it’s not a stick. He’s playing with a knife.

“Are we allowed…?” you don’t finish the question, but Elysia picks up.

“No.” she says gruffly, shaking her head, “It’s supposed to be for safety. What is he thinking?”

You’re not sure if she’s referring to the male Capitol representative, or Allio. Who’s still playing with that knife, and you watch as it gets faster in his hand. Like it’s building up a climax, and then it cuts.

Three is technology, and it looks like the program hurries that up a little bit. Certain districts are going to be expected to do better, this will be one of them. They make the technology, they’ll know how to build weapons. They should do exceedingly well, and if the careers think any one of them have potential, they’ll be called on.

Next, it flips to your district, and this is when it slows down again. You watch as Elysia perks up, and Finnick leans forward, suddenly entranced by the sight. Again, you relive the moment when Elysia calls your name, and you watch as a couple of seconds pass, before you’re heading down the aisle.

What felt like an eternity to you, was only a few seconds for them. You thought that you had frozen to your spot while you were debating the chances of you running. To them, they thought that it was you realizing it was your name that was called or something. You watch as the emotion is cleared from your face the second that you begin walking and realize that there’s cameras.

On that stage you felt so small, but on the camera, you can clearly see that it’s not too bad. You look better than what you thought you would. Four is also part of the careers, but it’s very shaky when it comes to volunteers--hence why you nor Finnick got one--and they hardly ever team up with the pack as far as you’re concerned.

Four is a rich district, so hardly anyone starves, but you’ve had your own months when you were struggling to get used to the fact that it was only you and your brothers that were capable of gathering food. Eventually, you got very good at it again, and there’s always food stocked in the fridge. But you’ve felt starvation. Despite all that, you look healthy and well-fed. There’s no doubt that a few districts are going to be jealous of that fact, especially in the poorer parts.

There’s not much you know, you’re not allowed to talk to neighboring districts at all. But you do know that most live in poverty. And things like starvation aren’t so uncommon.

You hadn’t noticed this before, but your hands somehow found their way behind you, in the time that you had found where you needed to stand, and when Elysia went to call the boys name. Subconsciously, you were also baring your chest, almost like you were proud.

You laugh when you watch Finnick walk down the walkway again. He looks to you, to see what’s funny, “Do you always walk like that?”

Elysia must have lost focus somewhere along the way, because she blinks quickly and focuses her eyes again. Then she also laughs, “You’re almost strutting.”

He grins, face turning a little red as he shakes his head, “Does it look tough enough?”

“You look ridiculous.” but he makes up for it when he stands at the stage right next to you. That’s when the two of you look like real competitors, with you standing tall, trying to make yourself look capable. And Finnick, not even trying and he still looks intimidating.

The rest pass like a blur. District Five fuels the power, so they’re only a little favored when it comes to things. They’re healthy looking too. District Six is transportation, no one stands out. Seven is lumber, which is when you start focusing again. When you see how big the two tributes are again. You mark them off too, Cass--the girl--and Mac.

Eight is textiles, nothing interesting. Nine is grain, which means that the poor districts are starting. Ten is livestock, eleven is agriculture, and twelve is mining coal. None of them had sprouted any interest in your mind, they don’t look threatening to you. In particular, twelve is the worst. With wobbly knees and pale faces, they look like they’re going to pass out at any minute.

And then just like that Elysia snaps the tv off, and you’re left sitting there in silence. She waits for a moment, before jumping up, “I suggest you two go off to bed, tomorrow will be very important.” 

You and Finnick watch as she leaves the room, and right on cue, you two turn towards each other.

“The boy and girl from one are definitely problems,” you begin, and he nods, agreeing, “The girl is bigger than usual, which means that she’ll pose a bigger challenge.”

“They should be the first to go if we can make it possible.”

But how would that be? They’re one person of course, but they’re as good as three. They make up for the districts with people that don’t know what they’re doing, that get killed in the very beginning. In order to get them off, that would mean that a lot of people would have to band together.

“Are you suggesting we gather other tributes?” you ask, almost baffled by the idea. The more people, the more tension and fear that someone will betray the other.

“No, not too many.” he says, straightening his back, “Enough to help.”

He must see potential in the districts you saw nothing in, “We’ll have a better chance at looking them over later.”

He nods, he knows this already, “One, two and five.” 

“Maybe three,” you get up from where you’re sitting, feeling the weight of today suddenly pressuring your shoulders.

“Maybe three,” he repeats, standing up too, “Off to bed so soon?”

You roll your eyes a little bit, “Yeah, I’m tired. Aren’t you?”

“I couldn’t feel more awake.”

-- CHAPTER THREE --

The morning comes before you’re ready for it. You drag your feet when it comes to taking a quick shower, and you throw on the nearest outfit that makes sense. It won’t really matter once you’re inside of the Capitol. You’ll be torn to pieces and then rebuilt at first chance.

You shouldn’t be too far off now. In fact, you probably should have made it there overnight, District Four is one of the closest districts to the Capitol. The only thing between you and them is District One. That one isn’t very surprising, they should be in the Capitol for a day now. The train goes so quickly, there wouldn’t be a reason to keep them from going.

You’ll probably barely have enough time to eat breakfast before you’re being shoveled off the train. 

With that thought, you place the ring back onto your finger as you head out to the dining car, or room. Once you make it there, you see that you’re not the last. Finnick and Mags are still nowhere to be seen. However, Elysia sits at the table, a black coffee in hand as she looks over something in her hand. She pays you no attention when you sit at the table.

Immediately, you’re served food. Most of it you recognize because of the special days the district gets to eat well on. Not like you don’t get to eat things like this all the time, but the special foods like pancakes are something you haven’t seen in a while. You carefully eat like you did yesterday, trying not to overdo it, but also get a good amount of food in you.

Finnick comes in not too long after, taking his seat as he also starts to eat. However, he’s basically inhaling it, as if he hasn’t eaten in days. You’re impressed for a while, until he starts to turn a little green. Only then do you begin laughing at him, and he offers you a sheepish smile.

“Hungry?” you tease, and he rolls his eyes.

“I’ve been up for hours waiting to eat.” he tells you.

So he didn’t sleep last night, and that’s going to show. It took you a couple hours of tossing and turning, trying desperately to just get a little bit of time. Eventually, your body had decided that it might as well. You’re not in any danger just yet, you’re on a train to where the danger will start, but until then you’ll be fine. 

“You need your sleep,” Elysia beats you to it, “But your stylists will cover it for now.”

Finnick offers her a small glance, and then he turns to you as if he’s disinterested with everything she has to say. It takes you a moment to realize that he’s not staring at you exactly, it’s past you. You turn to look over your shoulder to see that Mags is coming in now. She’s slow, and she looks like she’s struggling even with the cane she’s been provided with.

The peacekeepers take a step to help her, but you jump up before they have the chance. The mere thought of them touching her is disgusting to you. They work for the Capitol. They’re hugely ignorant and arrogant. They stand by and let all of this happen, hell, they’re coming from the districts around you.

Mags gives you a smile of appreciation, and Finnick helps out a little bit too when he sees how much trouble it is. With the help of you both, she gets seated and begins to eat. What you didn’t see before, is that she has a pad of paper, which she’s using one hand to write with, and the other to eat. 

Her neat handwriting covers the paper, in a small paragraph. She turns the paper to you, and you tilt your head to read it. For a second, your mind blanks because it believes you’ve never read cursive before, but then it slowly comes back to you. You’re mouthing the words, picking up the paper as you take your time to hand it off to Finnick.

Lesson 1: Sponsors. Looking presentable for the Capitol people will be your greatest chance at survival. In order to do that, you’ll have to play up the act a little bit. Who are you?

It’s a simple question, but you find yourself struggling to answer. When you pass the paper back to her, she writes down one word beside it.

Personality?

Oh.

“What does it say?” Finnick asks, tilting his head, but he can’t see it anyway, he’s on the other end of the table.

“Personality.” you say for him, looking to Mags, “You mean like clever, smart…?”

She nods a little, and you look to the window for a moment, thinking. Allowing Finnick to get the chance to answer before you. What is your personality?

“Well, we have the same personality for the most part.” Finnick starts to answer for the both of you, “Smart with the basic district stuff, strong.”

“Deadly.” you add, and Mags raises her eyebrows a little bit, so you elaborate, “I throw spears, and I’ve seen Finnick with a trident.”

Finnick flushes for a second, but it clears out, “The trident is on special occasions. Mostly spears.”

You sit in silence, she writes, “What else?” you shake your head for a second, trying to come up with the adjectives, and then it comes back to you, “I’m considerate and kind. I have well manners.”

Mags writes all of this down, and you can see the word ‘humble’, and then she writes down damsel.

For a second, you’re not sure what you think of it, but you see it soon enough. Playing the innocent, damsel role and having everyone underestimate you. If they overlook you, then that gives you a better chance at winning.

“I can’t play that up,” you tell her, because you remember seeing yourself on the screen again, how you stood strong, “The reaping--”

Everyone looks like that, she writes, No one wants to be targeted.

And she’s right. All those people you had seen last night were trying to look bigger than they were. Except for the kids, when their shoulders would hunch in on themselves, trying to disappear. As much as possible, you’ll all try to look strong to be picked for an alliance. Those who aren’t picked are left to suffer.

This will throw Finnick’s entire plan off course. If you play damsel, then that means you have to downplay all your skills. Make it look like you’re incapable of winning. No sponsors, no alliance. The only person that’ll be able to save you is Mags and yourself. Maybe your brothers back home will somehow afford to send something your way.

You’ll have to purposely score low in training, to really lower the expectations. Mags might even go as far to tell your stylists not to do too well on yours and Finnick’s matching outfits.

Mags writes again while you’re thinking, and you read it so you can look to Finnick, “She wants to know about you.”

Finnick looks like he’s been waiting for his turn, “Strong, tall. Almost all the girls at school love me, so attractive--”

As he’s listing what he’s made of, you see one word for him. Cunning. He’s going to be playing up the tough arrogant act. He’ll be purposely showing off, he’ll be the one that gets all the sponsors. The alliance he proposed will be his, the careers will be tripping over their feet to get him in their pack. 

Suddenly, you can’t help but to feel a little jealous, and detached.

Finnick is the boy, he’s going to be expected to win. But you have the age advantage, so they’ll also be looking to you to win. At least for some people, for others it doesn’t matter at all. Back home, they’ll be hoping that only one of you comes back in a casket.

“What’s my word?”

“Cunning,” you tell him quietly, invested in your food again. Your stomach has managed to settle, so you try to stuff it again, the more the better. You’re not sure when you’ll be able to eat after this.

The train car blacks out for a couple of seconds, and then light fills it again. Elysia looks over her shoulder, and then her face lights up as she hops up from her seat, “Home sweet home.”

You and Finnick move to the window, looking out it for a moment. Bright lights fill the car, blinding you. When you’ve blinked away the lights, you can see just how many Capitol people have come to the station to greet you two.

A sigh leaves you and for a moment you want to move away. And then, you realize that if you’re going for that damsel type, you have to look clueless. Like you’re always in a daze or something. So, you begin to wave the exact same moment Finnick does. And even through the thick walls of the train car, you can hear the roaring of their cheers.

--

Your stylist’s assistants are very nice, and they try to be as gentle as possible when it comes to what they have to do. For a minute they just stood and stared almost as if they had no clue on how to start with you. And then, they went straight to work. Removing every inch of hair from your body, besides what’s on your head. 

Your hair is now silky smooth, and smells of strawberries. Your body is sore, but soft from how many bathes they’ve made you soak in. Your nails have been cleaned, filed and they have a very thin layer of nail polish on them. Only a little bit, because they were afraid that your main stylist would want to change that later.

Your eyebrows have been plucked, leaving you sculpted. They’ve applied some sort of teeth whitener, trying to make it scary white like theirs. A couple of times they’ve told you to straighten your back to stand tall. Only then did you realize that they were taking measurements, and after that you stood very still to allow the to. 

“I think we’re all done now.” Cleo says, taking a step back to access you one last time, “Laurel is going to love you.”

She says nothing else, grabbing onto the arm of the girl that she was working with. You hadn’t heard much from her, she mostly listened as Cleo babbled on. With the occasion prompt to keep her talking. It’s almost as if she didn’t want to do any of it herself.

You rock on the table, back and forth as you stare at the wall ahead. Trying to imagine yourself winning the games. All that it’ll take to get to that point too. You find yourself regretting how you described yourself, even if you were being honest.

The door opens, revealing a very tall woman. Her hair is held back by a simple hairband, trying to keep it from her face, you’re guessing. It’s the same thing you do when you know it’ll be an irritating day. However, with these people it’s never irritating, they live in luxury. They’re all brightly colored and rich and they never have to worry about going hungry, ever.

She wears a white shirt, and a black blazer. Her pants are ironed nearly, and she has a pair of black heels on. The second she steps into the room, she slips them off though, only lowering her height just a little bit. She’s naturally tall it seems, and she seems proud of it. Not afraid to get bigger.

“I’m Laurel.” she introduces herself, “(Y/n), right?”

She has to know that it’s you, “Yeah.”

“Stand up for me?” she asks, and you slip off the table, standing in front of her. She walks around you, looking at your body, taking all of it into consideration. Laurel will stare for a moment, and then she’ll move your hair. She checks your nails to see that they’re very neat, and she seems pleased with that, “Take your robe.”

You reach over for it, slipping it on and then folding your arms over your chest anyway. You almost want to hunch in on yourself like you saw the kids doing at the reaping. But then, you remove your arms and make yourself stand a bit taller. Reminding yourself that you need to have more worth, carry that energy until it’s not carrying anymore. Until it is you.

“Mags tells me that you’re going for a more subtle look.” Laurel sits down on a nice couch, you make sure to tuck the robe beneath you as you sit, “Humble?”

You nod lightly, “I think she’s going for an underestimated look.”

“And do you feel the same?”

You dodge the question a little bit, “Finnick is going for cunning, isn’t he? I want to be presented the same way he does, but I wouldn’t mind if we did something along the lines of humble.”

She takes this into consideration, nodding lightly, “How would you feel about a two-piece? Almost like a bathing suit?”

You really hope you don’t end up in some skin-showing outfit, “Sure.”

She nods to this, looking pleased, “Blue, definitely blue.”

It’s only a couple of hours later, when you’re standing side-by-side with Finnick. He looks like he’s more in a bathing suit than you do. They’ve completely taken his shirt, and just put on a tunic almost, for his lower half. His designer has gotten him covered with vines, some drawn on and some of them real. It’s supposed to look like he’s came out of the water, like he’s been there for a while.

As a joke, you suggested dying him a blue-green because of how copper fades. His stylist considered it for a moment, even turning to Laurel to ask if it were possible to do it in an hour. But then Finnick piped up that he did not want to be a shade of green, and glared at you. It was all in good fun and he knows that. Didn’t stop him from jabbing you in your ribs when he had the chance.

You and Finnick are wearing nearly the same pair of leather sandals. Yours only goes up to your ankles, as his surrounds his calves, stopping just a little bit below the knee. He has that tunic around his waist, which wrinkles in all the right places, and it’s pinned to keep from falling.

Laurel had already built off of the bathing suit idea, deciding that you were worth more than just a pair of half-naked teenagers. She kept the aspect, but added a couple of things to it. On your upper body, your hair is curled to look more natural, going for the beachy-type but not exact. Macara, blue eyeshadow, the works go on your face. They’d outdone themselves with the white eyeliner, purposely tying to give you a goddess aspect, you guess?

You definitely know they were going Roman, even if it’s just a little bit.

They secured a bracelet around your upper arm, it’s a couple of waves. On your upper half of your body, you have a bra on almost. But the straps are thick, and the padding pushes it all up. It’s tight around the ripbs, keeping it from lifting off your chest, as they tried to show off some curves. It ends somewhere in the middle of your ribs.

And as for your waist, she decided for a high-waisted short bottom. Attached to it is a train almost. The flaps are attached to your left hip, giving it a sort-of leg slit. But the fabric is see-through, so it’s not much. The entire color scheme is a muted sea green. On your wrists are silver bracelets, on your neck is a lone shell necklace. Laurel had successfully acquired your ring, adding it to the outfit, even if the people from the stands won’t be able to see it exactly.

Laurel and Finnick’s stylist have you and Finnick walk around. Making small adjustments to everything so it flows better. In no time, you’re told to get onto your chariot with the blonde horses. Before you guys take off, Laurel makes one very last minute change.

She makes you wrap your arms around Finnick’s left one. Your right arm goes under, closest to his body. That one will stay permanently, and your left arm goes over, which will be the one you wave with and such.

“This is so exciting,” Finnick chirps, a smile already coming over his face, and then, “Oh!”

He reaches into a pocket that you didn’t know he had, and he pulls out a small sugar cube. You laugh, taking it with your left hand as you turn it over for a second. When you look over, the both of you share a look, before popping the sugar in your mouths at the same time. 

The sweet taste takes over your tongue immediately, and you can’t help but grin. As you turn to look off to the ground, you watch as the audience turns to see the newcomers coming in.

The cheering gets louder, and then there’s pointing. You smile with your teeth, giving a wave, while also trying to think of embarrassing things. It takes a moment, but it all comes rushing back, and you find your face heating up very quickly.

“She’s blushing!” one of them yells, there’s a series of screams and ‘awing’ that follow after, and Finnick laughs.

“You play the act well.”

“For you it’s not even an act.” you say through clenched teeth, making sure the smile reaches your eyes. 

Every single time you hear someone yell your name, you turn to look in that direction. If you’re going to get sponsors, you’ll want them to each every single bit of this shit up. You make surprised faces, cover your mouth, cower into Finnick and let him pretend to coax you out. The cheering only gets louder, until their attention is turned back to the newcomers.

When the chariot stops, you feel your face cooling considerably, and you sigh in relief, because it’s hard to keep thinking of embarrassing things. Once you bring up the effect again, it’s almost as if it’s useless. All those memories are so faded, that it’s hard to even think of them anymore. You hardly ever make bad mistakes like that.

You wait patiently as Snow makes his appearance and says his piece about everything. The anthem plays, you guys show up as you watch the flag. And then, there’s one final lap around the little circle, before you guys have vanished inside of the building.

There, Laurel and the other stylist are waiting for you. Laurel nods at you approvingly, probably glad that you still held on even though it wasn’t really necessary anymore. You slide off of the chariot with Finnick, stretching your arm. You cross them back over your chest, as you look around.

Soon enough, your prep teams are slowly distancing themselves, standing off to the side. Which offers a perfect opportunity for the others to see, measure you and Finnick up. You do the same, because the only other times you’ll see them is for training, and then later for the interviews. These moments where you over or underestimate them are crucial.

District one has a clear eye on you and Finnick.

“Trink and Lennox are staring.” You tell Finnick, trying not to look over, but he looks them dead on, almost like he doesn’t care.

He waves for a second, beckoning them over. You’re about to tell him that it’s a really bad idea, but they start their way over. So, you place the mask back on, and take a step back, allowing Finnick to do whatever it is he thought he wanted to do.

“Finnick,” He introduces himself, offering his hand.

Lennox looks to Trink for a moment, almost impressed as he takes Finnick’s hand, shaking it a couple of times, “Lennox.”

Of course, you know their names already, so it seems a little useless to introduce yourselves. But then it dawns on you, that they probably don’t know your names.

You make a feeble attempt to do the same, “I’m (Y/n).”

“Oh, we know.” Trink’s smile transforms into a smirk, “Gallows, huh? Like getting hung from the gallows…”

You hate her already.

You laugh lightly, trying to bring the smile to your eyes again, “I guess! I never made that connection before! It’s only fitting now that I’m in the games, huh? Do you think I have a chance?”

What if you play damsel until it comes to the private session with the gamemakers. What if you show off your skills then, score high, and then see what happens to the tributes around you. See if their sudden interest sparks and they want you on their side after all.

You wonder how Reed would feel about you teaming up with the careers. If he would be telling you to steer away from them, because they’re hostile, and vile and sometimes a little messed up in the head from all that training at a young age. It makes them want to volunteer, no sane person could truly want that unless they’ve been brainwashed.

Trink shares a look with Lennox for a second, and then behind her you see that the crowd is about to have two more people added to it, as District Two comes over here. You slump your shoulders slightly, tilting your head at the newcomers. Eytelle and Allio, the tall girl and the boy who spun the knife in his hand during the reaping.

“Are these four?” Allio asks, you take the guess now that he’s going to be the chattier one.

Eytelle is… the only comparison you can make with her, is that she’s shorter than Laurel, but not by much. Her parents must be giants, because if she’s only sixteen or so she’ll keep growing for a while. The height will give her an advantage when it comes to running, but she’ll have trouble trying to hide so easily.

“Clearly.” Trink mutters, looking over you a little more, “So what’s your skills?”

“That’s for us to know and for you to find out.” Finnick answers for both of you, “We don’t give shit away so easily. What are we getting in return?”

Trink measures this, but Allio speaks first, “Maybe a friendship if you play your cards right.”

A smile spreads over your face, as you try to look excited, “Wow! An alliance, that’ll be helpful!” 

Lennox looks pleased at the suggestion, “Only if you want.”

Finnick offers you a glance, and you bob your head, trying to urge him to agree but not look desperate. This is what he wanted after all, and if you careers band together, then there’s no doubt that all of you will get a good portion of the population inside of the arena down before you know it.

You’re already forming a plan in your head. Team up with the careers, get to know all of their skills that they’ll show off inside of the training center. There, you will memorize everything, while also learning new skills. Then, when it comes to the arena, you’ll plot their murders very carefully. You’ll pick them off very carefully, space them so it doesn’t look like your fault.

But this would all work so much better if only one of you were in the pack. Finnick lures them to you, you kill them, injure him a little bit, and send him back to get the others riled up.

It’s not a bad plan, you’ll just have to work out the kinks, and present this to Finnick.

He is your accomplice.

-- CHAPTER FOUR --

This morning, Elysia had come to your room to wake you up. For a second, you thought she was doing it so that you’d be early to the table like you normally are. But she was kind enough to inform you that you had slept in past what she wanted already. Mags has been the only reason you’ve been allowed to stay in bed for so long.

As you got ready, you were a little confused on how you’d managed to sleep for so long. You're normally one of the people first awake, especially here. Once your body decides that it has enough energy to run off of, it sort of just wakes you up. You’ve been sleeping soundly every single night, as far as you know. So the exhaustion is coming out of nowhere.

It wasn’t until you had brought it up to them, where Finnick had informed you that you hadn’t slept as soundly as you thought. After you had eaten dinner last night, you’d stayed awake a little while to bring up the plan to Finnick, to get his opinion about luring them to their deaths. He seemed to like it, and then you went off to sleep in your own room.

He says that it must have been a couple of hours before the screaming had started. The first to the room was Mags, but she wasn’t able to get you up, since speaking is difficult for her. Instead, Finnick had to shake you awake, coaxing you out of whatever nightmare you had been trapped in. 

You don’t remember any of it, it’s impossible for you to recall what happened. Elysia says that you must have been asleep still, but Finnick and Mags says you were coherent. You could hear them, and you listened to them try to calm you down from hyperventilating. Once you were in a good enough state, Mags went back to bed, and Finnick stayed a little while.

He just wanted to make sure that you would go back to sleep, but it had taken a while for you to calm down enough to get your heart to stop producing the adrenaline. Finnick tried to sit in the silence, but he wanted to know what the nightmare was about. What had gotten you to the point of screaming and hyperventilating.

You can’t remember it now, even though you’re awake and most of the time can relive the dream a little bit. It was apparently about you drowning, and that was all that you’d tell him. There had to be more though, because you’re not afraid of the water, you live in District Four. To be afraid of drowning would be so fucking ridiculous.

You have a feeling that it was about you taking your father's place in the accident, again. It’s a common nightmare you have. You’ll be on the boat with your brothers, and everything will be going good. But the boat will rock when one of you try messing with the other. Mox gets knocked off, you scramble to save him only to fall off the side. In the water, he’s nowhere to be seen. And then Reed will turn on the boat, leaving you in the middle of the water. The water only gets colder the more time goes on, and your joints will freeze in place. Swimming back to shore is impossible and you die out there, every single time.

You didn’t bother to explain all of that to Finnick, because you’re not looking for pity, it’s no point for him to know your life story. Instead you nodded along and went back to eating, because you then knew why you had been so exhausted. All it takes is one nightmare and a couple of shots of adrenaline to keep you going for a long ass time apparently.

Mags then transitioned into the training that you’re actually in right now. She pulled out her paper and pen and asked if you guys would want to train together. You told her that you’d already formed an alliance with him, so it would be pointless to hide anything. Finnick agreed, and then Mags went on to explain to hide most of your skills.

Just as you predicted anyway. She had wanted you guys to keep it low on the profile, especially you. Mainly she wants you to play dumb and go around with the stations, fumble with most of the things you do but take your time with learning them. She also knows of the career pack proposal, so she reminds you to keep friendly with them too, if that’s going to be your goal.

Of course, she doesn’t want you guys to get too attached or close. Don’t trust them because the chances of them turning on you at first chance is a little too easy. It will only be a matter of time in the arena before the tension snaps at they make a jump to kill any of you. You already know this. If you go through with the plan, then that means that they're going to be suspicious of everyone in the pack anyway. 

Finnick is supposed to be good at everything inside of the training center. But as you watch him circle and go around the stations with Allio and Lennox, you can’t help but to think he looks like an idiot. Allio is more skilled in combat than you guys are, he can throw just about anything a good distance. Lennox seems to be the same.

You’ve watched as they make him throw spears, knives, axes, swords, just to see how good he is at it. They’re looking impressed, but you’re starting to see through Finnick’s facade. He keeps making a wince face each time he thinks he’s thrown it too terribly, his confident mask is falling too easily.

“Wow, look at her.” Trink says, you look up from the fire that you’re trying to start to see that they’re staring dead straight at the girl from District Eleven. You squint for a second to see what she’s doing, and then you smile.

“Thyme, right?” Eytelle asks, her arms are crossed over her chest, and she hunches over like she’s trying to make herself look like you’re all in the same height range, “She’s showing off.”

“Aren’t we all?” you ask, turning back to the fire, getting it started this time. Trink turns over, and you clap quickly, the smile turning to a grin as you look to the other two girls, like a proud kid, “I did it!”

“Took you a while.” Eytelle mutters, “What are you actually skilled at?”

“Besides fires, and knot tying.” Trink adds.

You have to show off at least one skill to get these people interested, “I can show up Finnick with the throwing.”

Trink perks up, “Show us.”

You push yourself up from your knees, starting your way to where the boys are. On the way, you make eye contact with Thyme. She has dark hair, brown-black it looks like. She’s tan, fairly tall, green eyes. She’s got to be the same age as you, because she looks young.

“I hear that District Eleven and Twelve have the skilled hunters--or at least they know what berries and leaves are safe to eat.” you tell them, “Thyme will be very useful.”

Eytelle scoffs, “Who says we can’t hunt actual food? Like meat?”

“What happens when there’s a storm, when all the fish and forest animals are out of the question? Berries, leaves, bark and all of that will save your lives instead. Turning someone like her down simply because she comes from a poor district is…. Stupid.” you tell them, and then you stalk off to join the guys for real.

“Hey Finnick!” he turns while he’s about to throw a knife, Allio and Lennox give you a quick look up and down. You haven’t really talked to them this entire time. Over your shoulder, you can see Eytelle approaching Thyme, while Trink bounces over.

“Well, go ahead.”

You hold out your hand for the knife that Finnick is holding. He gives you a warning look almost, like you don’t know what you’re doing, before handing it over. You give him a cheeky smile, “Watch and learn.”

You flip the knife around to hold it by the blade. Taking in a deep breath, you slowly let it out because you can’t fuck this up. And then, you draw your arm back, before throwing the knife forward with all the strength possible.

The knife covers the twenty feet in less than three seconds, hitting the dummy square in the head. You tilt your head slightly, “It’s a little off center.”

“Off center? You hit that thing….” Allio trails off, and you turn around to see Finnick with a smirk on his face.

Thyme is standing with Eytelle, and she claps a little bit for you, “Can you teach me to throw like that?”

“Sure!” you turn to look at the others, letting Trink narrow her eyes on you. She might be seeing through the act a little bit, “It’s the one thing I’m good at, I’ve had so much time to learn in District Four. I’ll teach Finnick too if you guys wanna go off by yourselves.”

They agree, heading off to some sort of other place they can show off at. Once they’ve gotten out of earshot, the smile on your face drops and you mock them for a second, grabbing the nearest knife. You throw it, and it hits the chest this time, “Thinking I can understand them just because--god are they annoying.”

Finnick snorts, before turning to look at Thyme, “Finnick, this is (Y/n).”

“I’ve heard.” She chirps happily, picking up one of the knives before turning to you, “When do we get started?”

You spend the next hour or so showing your new friend how to throw. Finnick isn’t so bad, it’s just the doubt that gets him. You tell them both that the less confidence they have in the throw, the worse it’ll turn out. Plus, throwing the knife is better than nothing in most situations anyway. If you have more tucked away, then it won’t hurt.

If the person is within your range, then the best you can do is at least try. It could turn out really well and you end up nailing them like you should. Or it could be horrible, land somewhere close to them. But you could call that a warning and say you did it on purpose later on.

Thyme turns out to be really nice, and she explains how Eytelle approached her. This is when you inform her that it was your idea, no matter what Eytelle had told her. To have her with you guys could put her in danger, but you’re all going to die anyway. She’s an outlying district, the chances of her winning is already slim. You basically just gave her a chance.

She’s already picked up on your act the second that the others come back around to check up on you. This is when Finnick lets them know that you’re really skilled at it, despite failing in all the other stations you’d managed to hit while walking around with them. Except for the obvious ones with knot tying, starting the fire and all of that. 

Lennox jokingly asks what rock you’ve been living under for these past years, as if he can’t believe that you have no clue what you’re doing at all. But you just offer him a smile and shrug, saying that you don’t really have time for other things like that. You muse that if it weren’t for the fact that they’re agreeing for an alliance that you’d probably die in there alone.

They seem satisfied with that, and even though you hadn’t thanked them by any means, they say ‘you’re welcome’ and move on. This is when you and Finnick hang back. 

Soon, you get bored of training, and you’re about to wave Thyme off, before she asks if she’s really included in the alliance. You tell her that it looks like it, and they wouldn’t have let her tag around, much less offered if they were kidding. She looks pretty satisfied, and you tell her to make friends with the others too. If this this fails then she’ll want an escape plan.

After that you leave the training center with Finnick, take the elevator up to your district floor, and go in to see that Laurel is showing off designs to Mags. 

“Oops, are we walking in on something?” you ask, and Laurel looks over with a smile, “Not at all, welcome back.”

“Dinner will be served in an hour.” Elysia mutters, looking over from the tv.

“She’s telling us that we think and should probably shower.” Finnick whispers to you, Mags hears this and laughs.

She nods slightly, before shooing the both of you out the room as soon as Finnick’s stylist shows up behind you guys. It looks like they want to keep your interview outfits a surprise. It makes sense, they’re all about surprises and being prestigious. They think the outfits matter--because they do--but you don’t have that same taste. Neither does Finnick.

Back home you two would probably settle for a shirt and a pair of jeans. The occasion jacket, a nice pair of comfortable boots, and then that would be it. There’s not much to do around four, so there wouldn’t be a reason to dress up besides reaping day. You spend most of your time in a boat or in water.

Which means that you’re not even wearing boots, it would be a pair of sandals. If it’s cold in the morning, then your toes freeze and you just have to deal with it. Either you tuck your feet beneath you or shut up and just be cold. There’s a good possibility that you get thrown overboard by accident or on purpose. Or you’re spearing fish in the shallow, jeans being pulled up to your calves as you wade through the water.

You and Finnick stop outside your doors again, and he leans up against the wall.

“Allio and Lennox are annoying.”

“Stuck up?” you ask, a smile spreading over your face.

He rolls his eyes, “I don’t even think that word fits them. They think everyone inside of the arena is going to be easy to kill. That I’m probably going to be the only one who poses a threat.”

Your eyebrows raise, “They’re buying my act?”

“They don’t even think it’s an act. They think that you’re geniunely stupid and you’re just getting lucky with some of the things you know.”

That’s fair, you’re trying to play up the dumb damsel thing. You have to have one skill that will impress the gamemakers, and that will be just about it. If they keep you around for your skill to kill people, then that’ll be good enough. As long as you’re around.

“That’s good.”

“Anything about the other two? Trinket and Eyeball?” he purposely gets their names wrong.

You snort, “They’re buying it as good as the other two. I managed to convince them to invite Thyme, which I think will turn out handy.”

“How did you do that anyway?”

“Simply told them that if we run low on food and can’t find any animals, then berries and leaves is gonna be all that we have. So, she’ll be our best bet.”

He’s impressed, “Smart.”

“Yeah, I know. Any of the others show potential?”

“The boy from three, he’s been making things in the corner. Saw him make a knife from a stick, some vine and a rock.” Finnick tells you.

So he’ll definitely be dangerous. He’ll know how to make his own weapons from absolutely nothing. You wonder what else he knows how to make. If he can make knives, then there’s a possibility for a bow, spears, axes. Just depends on what setting you’re all going to be placed in.

“The others seem pretty reserved, or they’re not showing off what they can do.” Finnick yawns.

“Finally tired?” you tease.

“After sitting with you all night? Hell yeah I am.” he stretches, and then relaxes, “I’ll see you at dinner.”

“Yeah,” you wave him off, before going to your room.

You sit on the floor mainly, staring out the window, watching as the people below celebrate the games already. All you can think about is your family back home, and how they’re all holding up. You hope that Reed isn’t being too hard on Mox. You’re hoping that Mox hasn’t been crying this entire time, because there’s nothing to be worried about. You wonder if Alyssum notices that you’re gone.

You have a greater chance now. With an alliance forming, with learning all the new things that Thyme had taught you when she brought you to her special station. Showed you all the berries and leaves she could afford to before the others had come around again.

It’s almost like she didn’t want to show them, which is really fair. She doesn’t trust them as much, and you don’t either. But it also doesn’t make sense because technically you and Finnick are careers anyway. It could be because of the fact that you’re playing two different personalities, that you’re actually not stupid and just using them. Or it could be from a different reason that you don’t know.

She’s really nice though, and you’re glad that you suggested her. She shows promise, she learns really quickly. It took only a couple of minutes for her to learn to throw properly. It was just her doubt that was holding her back for the rest of the time.

When you disband the careers, you hope that she’ll stick with you. But when it comes down to the end, you don’t want to be the one that kills her. She’s too nice, she even told you a little bit about her family back home.

The more you get to know someone, the less you want to actually kill them, and that’s the painful part. If you were to get to know everyone that’s going to be thrown in, then you’ll feel bad. Except for Trink, Eytelle, Allio and Lennox, though. They volunteered and they’ve been training for this their entire lives.

It’s hard to feel bad for them. They leave everything they have behind just so that they can get the glory of a victor house. Infinite amounts of money, even though they basically already have that, since they’re rich. They just want to have their names be known for the generations to come. Be the ones to train the next pair of tributes that come on the train.

You don’t know how they’d want that at all. All they do is get the pain of watching the tributes die after they fail to do it properly. Then again, career. Volunteering. They almost always win. The works.

This really is going to suck.

--

LACUNA IS THE FIRST VERSION OF BELAMOUR 

//MASTERLIST//

[ilguna]

Lacuna - Maltalent (f.o)

summary: they say the odds tend to favor those who need them. well, they were wrong.

Word Count; 4.5k

Warnings; swearing, DEATH MENTION

NOTES: i give reader a last name to fit the world.

! Takes place between Chapter Twenty and the Epilogue of Lacuna !

–

You pace the backrooms of the justice building, popping your knuckles and pulling on the fingers that didn’t pop. You fiddle with your mother’s ring, stop in front of a mirror to fix your hair and any smudged makeup. You go back to pace only to be fixing the way that the dress lies on your body too.

Taking a deep breath, you pause in front of the grand doors, the ones you’ll be walking out of in a couple of minutes. The peacekeepers are indifferent to your staring. They have to be.

It’s only a few minutes on stage. All you have to do is stand in front of a microphone, try your best not to cry, address the elephant in the room, and then receive all the rewards they have to provide because of your win. Then, you’re allowed to leave the stage and head right back here.

Only, you’re going to be standing in front of the entire district. The faces of District One will be staring back at you with judgement and hatred. But that’s not the worst part--the worst part is that you get to stare right at the family of the tributes you killed, and see their animated picture too.

And if Finnick doesn’t show up soon, you’re going to have to do it alone. Not with him standing a few feet away, in front of his own microphone with his own speech prepared. No, you’ll have to do this all alone and just hope that he shows up in the next district.

You take a deep breath, letting it out slowly.

The doors behind you open, and a bunch of footsteps accompany it. You turn around, hoping that this is Elysia, your prep team and Mags escorting Finnick into the room. But as soon as your eyes go over the group, you realize that he’s not there.

“Is the train coming?” you ask.

Elysia shakes her head, “No, he hasn’t even left the Capitol.”

“What? Why? We’re right here--”

“It wasn’t his choice.” Laurel explains to you calmly, “He’s hoping he’ll be in District Two, but he’s not sure.”

But he promised.

“Oh.” you turn away now, looking back at the doors.

“The mayor is almost done introducing you, when the doors open, go to the microphone on the left.” Elysia tells you, the prep team makes some last minute adjustments to fix the mess you’d made out of yourself, “Take it easy, don’t rush it.”

“Read from the notecards.” Laurel says, “Look at the families when you address them.”

You nod a little, despite wanting to outright reject that idea. If you have to look at the families, you’re assuming you should be looking up and into the crowd too. Over a hundred people, packed into one little space watching you give a speech on your victory that you hadn’t even written.

“You’ll be amazing.” Cleo assures you, “A lot of the people back in the Capitol are sympathizing with you.”

“I’m going to give a speech in front of a whole district that wishes I had been the one to die.” you look over the people staring at you, “The Capitol’s sympathy is worthless.”

“It’s not like that--”

“I ruined the career’s plans from the beginning.” you insist, “Killed Eytelle, backstabbed Allio, nearly died, Finnick set the cornucopia on fire and I recovered enough to give Lennox an execution that has been the talk since the summer!” you try to calm yourself down, “And now I have the nickname ‘The Executioner’ and I’m being praised for it.”

You turn back towards the doors, “And District One would have had two winners if it weren’t for me. Lennox and Trink would be here, if it weren’t for my plan.”

They have no time to say anything, your name is being called, the doors opening. You do your best to take another deep breath, no longer nervous but a little angry and annoyed instead. As you walk through the doors, you force a smile and grip the notecards tight in your hand.

There’s a lot of clapping, no cheering. You steal glances, trying not to avoid eye contact entirely, but there’s a lot of angry faces in the crowd. You’re sure to keep away from Trink and Lennox’s family, not wanting to see them until you have to apologize to their family. 

On the left, you were able to see the mayor take a seat right next to someone else, you don’t know who. Maybe some district official? But off to the right are the mentors, you can just tell. By how they’re dressed and the way they get their own place to sit.

It’s a girl and a boy, they can’t be much older than you. Maybe sixteen, seventeen or eighteen. You can’t really tell, all you know is that they’re no younger than sixteen. The girl is blonde, her hair is curled at the bottom naturally, and she has green eyes. The boy resembles her closely, with dirty blonde hair and blue eyes.

You try to remember a name to their faces. You recognize them, so they had to have been within the last two year. But nothing comes to mind, not even the title they were assigned after either of them one.

Your eyes then wander to the right microphone, knowing that Finnick would have been there, giving you a reassuring smile. He would be right here for you the entire time, not letting you be the only one to go through this. Half of the time up here would be dedicated to him. He would be sharing the unwanted spotlight, and it wouldn’t have fallen just to you.

“Thank you.” your voice is strained at first as you go to look back to the crowd. District One is so bright, with their white buildings and colorful insides, “I am thankful to be here today, to stand in front of a crowd and to be alive. And the only reason I can be, is for the noble sacrifice that District One had made with their tributes, Lennox and Trink.”

You still don’t look up, “I’m sure that if Finnick were here, he’d say the exact same.” you take a peek at the notecards, not knowing where to go. You know that the speech doesn’t have to be long, but it can’t be too short either. Plus, you can’t avoid the families for long.

Biting the inside of your cheek, you look up now, starting with Trink on the left, “I would like to offer my apology to the family of Trink Nenni. I know that losing a daughter and sister can be hard, and life will never be the same without her.” Trink was an only child, it’s only her parents, “Outside of the games, Trink proved to be a great person, and she gave me the benefit of the doubt--”

“That’s because you’re a liar!” someone in the crowd shouts, “You lied to all of them for your own selfish gain!”

The peacekeepers jerk, but they don’t go after the person. You’re glad that they don’t. It would only give the people in the crowd a bigger reason to hate you.

“Inside of the arena, she was a shoulder to lean on, and a great ally.” your attention is then turned to Lennox, and you can feel the world slow and your heart speed, “I would also like to offer my apology to the family of Lennox Laude.” he’s got his younger brother and parents on the platform, “Lennox was smart in and out of the arena, he knew what he was doing, he was prepared.

“I’m sorry that the games ended the way they did, and if I could go back, I wish I had made his death quicker. No one deserves to have a death drawn out that long, no matter what they’ve done in their life.” you’re lying. All of that is a lie. Lennox got what he deserved, and you wish you could have done more.

“I’ll also apologize on the behalf of Finnick, for lighting the supplies on fire. I can’t imagine how expensive all of that would have been to replace, it must have cost their sponsors and District One great fortune.

“Once again, thank you for your sacrifice, and I wish District One well, in the future.”

The clapping is reluctant. The mayor takes the right microphone after, which is when she hands over the plaques--both yours and Finnick’s--that District One is required to make and give. Then, a couple of girls hand you flowers. You bid the district goodbye, and head right back into the Justice Building, where Elysia and everyone else is waiting to help you.

You think that it’s over, and you’re going to get on the train to head to District Two, when Elysia informs you that you have to eat with the mentors of Trink and Lennox, as well as the mayor and the families.

All at once, you can feel your body deflate.

“I have to do that for every district?”

Mags nods, and you can see that she was afraid to tell you this part.

“How long does it last?”

“Two hours at most. It’s a dinner celebration. After, you get back on the train and we head towards District Two.” Elysia says.

“But you’ll all be there?” you ask hopefully.

Laurel nods, “Elysia and Mags will be. It’s not our place.”

“Oh.” your eyes wander, and your fingers glide along your ring finger until they connect with the silver, “Right.”

Despite all of this, you’re taken back to the train anyway. You go ahead and set your plaque and the first round of flowers into a box that Elysia provided. Then, you go to Finnick’s room, standing in the doorway for a moment. 

The bed is neatly made, there’s no wrinkles. It doesn’t look like anyone has touched it. So, you go ahead and neatly lay the plaque and flowers on top of the blanket. 

The next couple of hours is spent in front of a mirror in the bathroom. Laurel has decided to go with one of the nicer, shinier dresses, saying that she wants you to blend in with the other mentors. 

She thinks that if you look like one of them, you’re less likely to be looked down upon. It’ll be harder to hate you or something.

Soon, you’re walking out with Elysia and Mags. At the actual dinner, it’s a lot easier than you expected. Instead of being sat near the family, you’re across from the mentors instead. There, you’re able to enjoy yourself a little bit.

Until they speak, “(Y/n) Gallows.” The girl draws out your name, her voice is sweet, smooth, “Gallows as in hanging?”

You stare at her, because her name seems to be right on the tip of your tongue. There’s something about her voice, like it’s dripping sugar. Entrancing, inviting, friendly. But no matter how friendly it is, there’s some hidden intentions.

“Yes.” you answer, eyebrows drawing together, “In my family, we take the last name of our mothers, because my great-grandmother used to hang Capitol commanders during the Dark Days.” 

It’s true, and it’s a wonder how your family’s bloodline hasn’t been wiped out because of it. Especially since your great-grandmother was so good at it, and she wasn’t caught until she turned sixty. That's when your grandmother and your mom went into hiding until your great-grandmother’s investigation died out.

Of course, they killed her and tried to make an example out of her too. But your last name still turns heads. You’re still surprised that it hadn’t clicked in the minds of the Capitol officials when they constantly had to read your last name.

The boys’ eyes widen, and the girl raises her eyebrows. For a moment, you think you’ve got them off your back, finally. But then, she smiles. 

“Cashmere and Gloss, but I’m sure you know that.” 

It clicks, now. It’s the back-to-back wins. The brother and sister duo. Gloss won the sixty third games, and Cashmere won the sixty fourth. Gloss is eighteen now, and Cashmere is seventeen.

“Nice to meet you.” you smile back.

The dinner is so much easier after that. Soon, you’re having to bid Cashmere and Gloss goodbye, and offer your condolences one last time to Trink and Lennox’s family. On the way back to the train, you can’t help but to think about how Cashmere and Gloss didn’t seem to care that you killed their tributes.

Maybe it was the impression you left, because that’s the only reason you can think of.

--

District Two. Allio and Eytelle. Both tributes you killed.

And there’s still no sign of Finnick.

“He’ll be at the next one.” Elysia promises, fixing the headband in your hair, trying to offer you a polite smile, “Here’s your cards, the microphone to the left, okay? Big smiles.”

“Right.” you say, staring at the dark oak doors. These ones are much more engraved than the ones in District One. However, by no means does it make them look nicer. In fact, it looks so cluttered.

If you reach out, are they smooth? Or will you get a splinter the second your finger touches it?

You aren’t able to know. The doors open at the mention of your name, and you’re walking through them the second after. Today, the notecards are a light orange, and so is the dress you’re wearing. The headband is white, and so are your shoes.

District Two is also bright, but not as colorful. Just like District One, they’ve got rich-looking citizens with what looks like relatively new clothes. Off to the left is their mayor, on the right is the mentors. And since you studied up, you can now name the girl standing there: Enobaria.

She won the sixty second games. Her famous kill was when she ripped the neck out of a tribute, and because of it, she had her teeth sharpened. She’s got dark hair, brown eyes. You can’t name the guy next to her at all, though. You don’t know who he is entirely.

As you stop in front of the left microphone, you hold your chin up a little higher. Caesar and Claudius couldn’t shut up about the fact that your head was down, like you were trying to avoid all of this. So, you’ll give them what they want, and you stare straight into the district.

To further it, you smile, and lower the notecards, because you’ve memorized it now. You want to see their criticism after this.

The clapping quiets, a hush falling over the people. Your eyes wander along the people in the crowd, “Thank you, for your warm welcome. I’d like to apologize for Finnick’s absence, it seems he’s held up in the Capitol. Instead, I will speak for the both of us today.

“I would like to thank District Two for the sacrifice of their tributes. Not only were Eytelle and Allio great candidates, but they were also great people. Eytelle was nice, and even if she didn’t speak very much, she was kind.” you look to her family, “I’d like to offer my apology to the family of Eytelle Josic. I hope that you can forgive me for what I have done. I just didn’t want her to suffer.”

Eytelle’s got a younger brother and sister, it looks like. No father, only a mother. From where you stand, you can see the sad expression on her face. She nods, she understands. She might even be thankful that you didn’t just leave her. And to close out this story, you give the animated picture a look.

Your eyes then travel to Allio’s family. This won’t be as easy, you backstabbed Allio. And his family is angry. His only sister glares angrily, as for his three younger brothers--you don’t know if they have a single clue what’s going on.

“I’d also like to offer my apology to the family of Allio Bevard.” the mother’s lips curl, like she wants to lunge, “I know what I did was cruel, but it was for survival. Allio wasn’t a very trustful person, and that was for a good reason. I’m sorry that it had to end that way.” one look to the animated picture, and then back to the crowd.

“I’m thankful to be standing here today, and it wouldn’t have been possible if it weren’t for Eytelle and Allio. Thank you.”

There’s some angry yelling, but the clapping drowns it out. You accept the plaques for both you and Finnick, and then the nice flowers too. Inside of District Two’s justice building, you pass them off to Elysia momentarily as you try to calm yourself down.

“Please tell me that Finnick will be at the next stop.” you look at Mags, then Elysia. The next stop has Blaire, and you can’t do it alone, “We should run through the Capitol real quick to get him.”

Mags has got her lips pressed together, sealed tight. And Elysia has an expression on her face that you read easily. The answer is right in her eyes.

You slap the notecards into her free hand, picking up the plaques and flowers as you march right out of the building. Back on the train, you set your things neatly into the box, and as for Finnick’s room, they’re on the bed. It’s beginning to look more like a memorium than a celebration.

Maybe it’s a good thing.

At the dinner, you keep to yourself, mostly. Enobaria and the other mentor aren’t as friendly as they looked on the stage. Now, they look big and angry. They might be teenagers too, or they’re just getting out of it, but they don’t like you. And you don’t think you really like them either.

--

District Three, this is going to be much easier.

Blaire and Verda. You didn’t kill either of them, and it helps that Blaire was a friend.

Today’s dress is navy blue, it goes to your knees. With only black flats. Today, there is no hair accessory.

“I’m sorry about Finnick.” Mags holds up her paper, you offer her a smile.

“I’m not.”

The doors open, and you head right out. There’s a distinct difference in the districts now, District Three isn’t nearly as nice as the first two. The only thing that’s nice is the justice building. Behind the crowd, with their business buildings, you can’t think of any compliments.

At the left microphone, you smile to the crowd, “Hello District Three. I’m honored to be here today, to speak for you. Finnick’s not here, so I’ll be speaking for him too. Even if he didn’t know your tributes well, I did. And I appreciate the both of them.

You look up to Blaire’s family, “Blaire Heinle was a good friend to me inside of the arena. And I can’t stop thinking about how I saved him not only once, but twice because something inside me told me it was the right thing to do.” Blaire’s got his brother and his parents. They all look sadder than Eytelle’s family did, “I am speaking from my heart when I say that I wish Blaire hadn’t sacrificed himself to save me from Lennox. I believe he thought he was in my debt, but it was quite the opposite.

“I would like to offer my deepest condolences for the Heinle family. And I want you to know that I haven’t gone a single day without thinking about Blaire. We might not have known each other for very long, but he meant something to me. He was a dear friend.”

Blaire’s animated picture really does sting. You can’t look at it for as long as you want to, it hurts too much. Verda is much easier, though. She’s got two sisters, and both her parents, “As for Verda, she was a pretty soul. We had one conversation inside of the training center, and she seemed to be kind. Even though I had allied myself with the careers, she didn’t care. She was indifferent. I’d like to apologize to you.”

A deep breath as you look back to the crowd, “District Three has been so incredibly kind to me. And if it weren't for Blaire, I really wouldn’t be standing here. Believe me when I say I wish I could do something to show my appreciation.”

District Three is loud, with clapping and cheering. It brings tears to your eyes, and you accept the plaques while fighting off those tears. The flowers are a pretty blue color. You say goodbye one final time, before you’re leaving the stage and going back to the train.

Again, you set your plaque and flowers into the box neatly. But for Finnick’s, you’re barely in there long enough to toss them on the bed.

District Five will be different.

--

Under any other circumstances, you would be excited to wear this deep maroon dress. Now, it just feels wrong.

District Five isn’t as loud with their clapping. You take the left microphone, give a big smile and lift your chin. It feels wrong, especially since you had helped Finnick trap Elodia--the girl--in a net to kill her. 

“District Five, I would like to thank you for your tributes and sacrifices. Under any other circumstances I’d be excited to be here, and would even ask for a tour on how you do things. It’s unfortunate that things are the way they are.”

You look to Elodia, “Elodia and I didn’t know each other. But before the private training session with the gamemakers, we and the other girls were able to share a laugh, even if it was for a second.” next is Moises, “I’d like to offer my condolences, I can’t say that I knew him very well either. The two of them died nobly.”

You accept the plaques and flowers, give one final thank you, and leave. Inside the train, you organize your plaques and flowers. Finnick’s things lay in one big heap on the bed.

You can’t help but to want to set it all on fire. But that’ll only get you in trouble. So, you leave the room and head back to your own. Knowing that District Six is the next one up.

--

“Thank you for letting me be here today.” you force a smile, “Ossie and Amos were two brave souls. I appreciate everything that they did inside of the arena to allow me to be here today. I hope you can believe me when I say that I take no pleasure in knowing that they’re no longer here with us today.”

Eyes to Ossie, “Ossie was a beautiful girl, kind. I wish I would have had the time to get to know her in a more calm setting. Had I not been allied with the careers, I would have gone to her.” next is Amos, “Amos seemed to be great friends with Mac. I didn’t see much of him inside of the training center, so I can’t say a lot.

“Thank you, District Six.”

The mayor hands over a silver plaque and the boys give you yellow flowers. You thank them greatly, and leave the stage carelessly.

--

“In my opinion, I think District Seven provided two very brave people.” you smile at Mac and Cass’ families, “As I mentioned in another speech, I was able to have a laugh with the girls before our private training session. In this time, Cass seemed to happy, and after we exchanged a few words, I realized I should’ve allied myself with her.

“However, it wasn’t only the girls that had talked to each other, Mac also joined in. At the time, it seemed so dumb them, talking about boy trouble. But now I can appreciate the fact that we were all able to be normal teenagers, even if it was for a couple of minutes. 

“Before the games had started, Cass and I shared a competitive look that was all in good fun. It looked like she wanted a race to the cornucopia, and I felt sorry, knowing that the moment we got there, our friendship would be temporary. I’m glad that I wasn’t the one to kill her, because I’m not even sure if I would have been able to.

“Thank you, seven. For producing two very beautiful people that I could consider friends. I hope your district prospers with your future tributes, and I hope that if there is a victor in the near future, I can be friends with him or her.” 

The mayor hands over the same polished, silver plaque that the others do. These flowers are lilies, so incredibly delicate.

Later at the dinner, the families and mentors were tearful. You spent the entire dinner explaining the conversation between all the girls and Mac in as much detail as you can remember. At the end of the night, the mentors requested that you’d come visit whenever you want, if it was possible.

--

The next couple of districts were a blur.

District Eight was easy, Sydney and Nestor were nothing to you. Their plaque was silver, their flowers purple. You thanked their district deeply, and the only mentor that considered your feelings was a nice woman named Cecelia. She was a mother of kids, herself. And she couldn’t help but feel sorry that you had to go through the games at such a young age. You liked her.

District Nine had Kent and Claris. Once again, pretty useless. Silver plaque, red roses. No mentors talked to you, and even though you didn’t kill their children--both of the families glared at you the entire time. 

District Ten was a little harder again, since you killed the girl from ten. You had to assure her family that Hallie’s face haunts you, especially when she seemed so kind. The first death on your hands, and it had to be Hallie out of all people. As for Clay, it was much easier to make a speech. No mentors stood out to you.

And now here you are, in District Eleven. You killed Horace, and you made your hatred for Thyme no secret. 

And surprise, surprise, there is no sight of Finnick.

You’ve had to face all the faces of the people he’s killed for him. Had to apologize on his behalf for not only being here, but also his kills. It’s not your place. He should be owning up to it.

He promised you he would be here. He promised that he’d be going through all of this with you. And where is he? In the Capitol? Watching all of this live from his nice apartment?

Fuck Finnick.

And now you get to face Thyme’s family by yourself.

You thought that you had gotten over all of this, that you weren’t jealous or angry anymore. But with how much time you’ve had to think between districts, it’s starting to bubble again. 

Mags doesn’t want you to be mad, but it’s hard not to be.

Especially when you think he deserves it.

You can hear your name announced through the door, and with gritted teeth, you force a smile. Knowing that this is the second to last appearance before you can finally go home.