#laddish

[lovesomehate]

Help this crush is now an obsession - 17/??

[aro-misterspock]

Just rewatched Red Dwarf series 7, episode 05, aka Blue, aka "that one where Lister has a dream about snogging Rimmer". If history is anything to go by, I will spend a week stopping at random to go "can you fucking believe they did that?", unprompted, to nobody in particular.

[kasugas]

Not a day goes by where I dont think abt this interview w the members of Blur.

[bigbihatemachine]

I've ended up playing on runescape for the first time in like 15 yrs and 1) hope no one wanted to ever see me again 2) everyone on old school runescape is like also like 30 and still... Terminally online but in a chill way?

[timehascomeagain]

I could write an essay about clover over dover but i wont. Because im a feminist

[pheadrus]

on this my darkest day I’ve seen the clearest double rainbow of my life and for the first time I could see the whole arch of it too

[british-princess]

I'm not a boy neither do I want to be a boy, I just wanna look a bit more boy-ish without people telling me I'm trans is that too much to ask 😭

[katya-goncharov]

harry from heartstopper looks exactly like a younger version of one of the managers at my job, and it's starting to weird me out

[maximoffhimbo]

Birthday club business

Summary: your 22nd birthday was planned to be a nice night in by yourself - your coworkers have other ideas.

Warnings: male reader / blowjobs / ‘corruption’/ innocent-ish reader / strip clubs

It was your birthday, another year of sitting at a desk 5 days a week waiting for the 2 days of freedom. Luckily your birthday was on a Friday. Unluckily your coworkers were typical ‘lads’.

“Sam? Can you get those files sent to the cfo please?” Your boss, Sarah, said drearily. These meeting were held every Friday to wrap up the week and every Friday they were boring. Your coworkers didn’t listen to her, of course they didn’t. In their eyes she was less than them due to her gender. Half of the guys sitting around you were on their phones playing candy crush or some shit.

“Before I forget, y/n? Happy birthday.” A chorus of cheers and oddly deep noises came from the men around you. “y/n mate, why didn’t you tell us it was your birthday?” Charlie, one of the most laddish guys said, holding tightly on to your shoulders from behind. “Oh I just don’t really celebrate that’s all” you said quietly. Of course your plan for the night was simple: home, pyjamas, takeout, movie, bed by 11. In your eyes a perfect night in. Within minutes the guys were discussing where to take you for your birthday. You couldn’t think of anything worse, yet they were extremely passionate about getting you to hook up with a ‘chick’ as they say.

That’s how you ended up here. A strip club in a not-so-great part of town. You were sat in the middle of 9 other guys, it felt like a bad porno if you were being honest with yourself. “She’s fine as fuck” one guy said. “Dude y/n deserves the pick of the litter.” The way these guys were talking honestly made you sick to your stomach. “Come on y/n pick!” You visibly cringed at Charlie’s need for you to pick a girl. You looked around the dark red club. Music was shattering your ear drums whilst the lights were vaporising your eyes. It was all too overwhelming, you could barely make of your hands in front of your face for gods sake.

The club was full of guys waving money into the dancers faces. It wasn’t exactly where you’d imagined yourself for your 22nd birthday. “Okay fine, I’ll sort you out.” Charlie stood from the table waving over a server, she looked to be no older than 18. “Hey gorgeous, who’s the best slut in this place?” You cringed and shrunk down in your seat feeling ashamed for being around these guys. “Charlie don’t say that.” You said slightly above a whisper. Charlie kicked you under the table and continued talking to the waitress.

Before you knew it you were following her to a private dance room. You wanted to run, to apologise for your friend yet your mind was completely frozen. Arriving at a room the girl, who you heards name was Crystal (you doubted that was her real name) glared at you. You smiled tightly at her before she walked off. You opened the door and were met with a black room with red trim and decorations. “I’m going to be murdered” you said under your breath.

You took a seat on the large black leather sofa, shuffling nervously, praying that this dancer didn’t turn up. It took around 2 minutes of sitting in silence for the door to open. A girl walked in, long brown hair and beautiful green eyes. She sauntered over to you, thinking you were like all the other guys she danced for. Instead you moved away, offering her a hand, “I’m y/n.” She chuckled “And I’m scarlet.” She whispered, attempting to move closer to you. You tensed up and she noticed. “What can I do for you handsome?” She said gently as she moved away slightly as to not scare you. “I-I dont know, my coworkers brought me here for my birthday. I didn’t really…want to come.” Her eyes softened, you were such a cutie. She moved on to the small circular stage in the middle of the room, adjusting her revealing red sequin outfit. “I’ll just dance for you, okay?” She smirked as she turned on a small music player. Lana Del Rey’s ‘Art Deco’ came on as she began to move seductively around the poll. You watched, amazed. You hadn’t wanted to come here but this girl, this woman was something otherworldly. Her hips moved in time with the slow beat. Her hands raked her body whilst she sauntered around the poll. For a while you forgot this was a strip club, until the slowly began to peel her tight, blood red corset-top off. The buttons snapped at the front so removing it was easy. Her fingers made quick work of it, long svelte fingers worked the fabric, like a painter to canvas. Her breasts were freed.

She moved around the poll, her nipples pebbled, she eyed you with a hunger. Like an animal to prey. Her high black heels clicked against the floor with every step, making your heart beat quicken. She bit her lip as she bent over and grabbed the poll, maintaining eye contact with you. She swaying her ass rhythmically, her eyes holding a mischievous glint. Your heartbeat quickened as it moved throughout your body. The thrum in your core hammered. Your soft cock growing with every sway of her hips. You hadn’t even noticed the state of yourself, far too enthralled with the woman’s performance. She however did notice. She stood up slowly, moving to the front of the stage, her eyes still on you. Her thumbs found themselves within the waistband of her panties. Slowly and effortlessly she pulled them down her porcelain thighs, biting her lip as she moved her eyes over your face.

You were different to her usual customer. She was used to men talking to her the entire time, even going as far as to beg her for sex. But you, you just sat there, admiring her. You didn’t look like you wanted to pounce on her, you looked gentle, tame. Once her panties dropped she turned around, showing off her perfect ass. “You like that pretty boy?” Your breath caught in your throat as you nodded, “you’re v-very pretty” you stuttered out. She smirked. She’d never felt the need to touch one of her customers, let alone ‘corrupt’ them. Yet she wanted to please you. She watched as you shuffled uncomfortably, your cock straining painfully against your trousers. Scarlet stepped off the stage slowly, sauntering over to you. She stood above you looking down. “Take your trousers off” she said slightly above a whisper. “W-what?” You said, eyes wide. “You heard me. Trousers off.” You stood up slowly, eyeing her with confusion. Your hand moved to your belt as you slowly unbuckled it. She watched you hungrily. Your hands shook as you pulled down your zipper and finally your trousers. She moved back slightly, admiring the slight wet patch on your grey boxers. From there everything went into slow motion for you. She knelt before you kissing your sore bulge. “W-wait scarlet, this can’t be allowed,” scarlet chuckled looking up at you through her lashes. It definitely wasn’t allowed but ‘scarlet’ got what she wanted.

She pulled your boxers down letting your cock spring free. She gasped, your cocks tip was pink and swollen, drooling with precum. “Oh baby.” Scarlet said eyeing you up and down. She smirked and placed a kiss on your shaft “you know, if I’m going to do this you might as well know my real name.” You groaned quietly nodding to whatever she said. “It’s wanda.”

Wanda had been sucking your cock for what felt like an eternity. She pulled away, mascara running down her cheeks, a long thick strand of saliva keeping you both attached. She leant down, spreading your legs slightly. “You know, y/n…” She kisses your shaft gently. “…I never let this happen” she moved her kisses upwards towards your tip. You groaned, butterflies spilling from your chest into your stomach. Wanda began making out with your cock head, slowly and sensually, keeping eye contact with you. Your head fell back on the sofa. “Fuck Wanda, fuck I’m gonna cum.” As if cold water was poured on her she stood up, smirking. “I’m not done with you yet baby boy.”

[undercover-horn-blog]

Something about the most popular boy on your course at uni coming down with a really bad cold...

Normally, this man is self-confident, loud, funny, a bit macho, constantly exchanging banter with his close group of friends. But now he seems absolutely miserable, sniffling, sneezing and coughing constantly, eyes glassy, nearly falling asleep in lectures...

So many girls have crushes on him and now they either shoot him concerned looks or steer clear.

His mates are at a loss, going back and forth between teasing him and showing genuine concern. When he's distracted, they exchange helpless glances.

He's trying to keep up the facade that it's not so bad, fighting hard to maintain his laddish cool guy image. But he can barely finish a sentence, breaking off to sneeze or cough constantly. His voice is destroyed. He stumbles on his way from one lecture to the next, dizzy and tired.

You want to take care of him so badly.

[thydungeongal]

Anyway for something fun and Finnish language related, I once toyed around with the idea of making a bunch of anime fandubs in Finnish purely for the sake of comedy.

The idea got its start when I was reading about the world's greatest anime New Yorker Joey Wheeler, best city in da world baybee, ain't nothin like a bodega, and how in Japanese he uses the personal pronoun "ore" which is a very rough and laddish way of referring to oneself.

Anyway this crystallized in my brain as Finnish fandub Joey Wheeler speaking with a very broad Helsinki dialect and specifically the now considered cringy "Stadin slangi" that my dad used to torment me with when I was a kid, and his Finnish personal pronoun would obviously be "meikämandoliino" (sorry to all the non-Finnish speakers out there but like... imagine if you could say "I" but in such a way that it sounds funny and stupid and communicates that you're a delinquent from the 70s? And it literally translates into "I, mandolin")

[lemongrablothbrok]

Led Zeppelin - Whole Lotta Love - Earl's Court 05-24-1975 Part 17

Okay, listen up people, Zep-heads, Jimbert shippers especially, because this video is un-fucking-believable in so many ways, and all of them good ways and I have a lot to say about it, mmkay? To start out, we have the boys coming out to do an encore, and Robert just...reclines on the platform thingy like the decadent demigod he is and eats whatever he's eating while Bonzo, the most laddish member of the group, in a fluffy robe, no less, declares that he finds football to be "a load of bollocks". Robert, almost certainly the most effeminate member of the group (I guess one might be able to argue that Jimmy - with his delicate features and willowy physique and soft speaking voice - might be a little more effeminate, but that's neither here nor there, the point still stands, and that point is that Robert is a pretty pretty princess), stands right up to defend the sport that he's so passionate about (side note: anyone know why he says "soccer" and not "football"? Because I can't think of another British person who calls it that. The first few times I heard him use it, it was during interviews with American interviewers and/or for American TV shows or publications, so I thought it was just for clarity so they know he's not talking about American football, but this is a concert in Britain with, I'm assuming, a mostly British audience. Anyone know why he calls it that?).

The song kicks off with Robert and Jimmy doing, as I referred to a few days ago on a post featuring a gif from this performance, "backwards humping", or, "the bisexual secret handshake". They are so shameless in their weird ass public courtship display that you might just miss seeing Jonesy's beautiful smile in the background (and if you do, take that video back a few seconds and freaking look at that gorgeous smile. You'll thank me later).

When we get to the first chorus, Robert freaking throws one arm around Jimmy's shoulder, pulling him close to share the microphone, and I shit you not, Jimmy's foot pops. And if that weren't enough, Robert pulls away for a second just to look at Jimmy's face and smile, only to pull him in closer again. Get a room, you dorks. Then when the second chorus comes around, they have the stupidest lovesick smiles on their faces, which are so close together they can probably taste each other's breath. Then Jimmy sort of pushes off with this shoulder nudge and one of them (Jimmy, I think? I sounds like Robert, but Robert's already in the middle of a drawn out vocal, so I think it's Jimmy) gives this soft little grunt/sigh/suspiciously sexual sounding noise. They spend a moment doing a short rendition of (I think?) James Brown's "sex machine" (worth noting/remembering here that Led Zeppelin have their own tribute to James Brown in "The Crunge", a song that gives off all the bisexual energy that's considered safe for human consumption), and then...then...

...we get to the theremin segment. The motherfucking theremin segment. The climax, if you will, of this entire performance. The part where Jimmy and Robert have hardcore sex right there on stage, right there in front of their audience, at least half of whom is probably male, and the vast majority of whom at least claim to be heterosexual, since this is the 1970s and there's very real consequences in store if you're a dude who goes around telling people out loud that one of the main reasons you go to Led Zeppelin concerts is to see and hear obscenely beautiful men fuck each other's brains out. Or even admit that you're aware that's just what's going on on that stage. Yes, this is the part where Jimmy does incredible things with his hands and long slender little fingers that make Robert moan and scream like a particularly horny banshee. Look, there's no getting around it. Even before I shipped it, I had to acknowledge (if in kind of a jokey-jokey way) that, wow, Jimmy is really dedicated to seeing how much and how hard he can make Robert cum. And Robert, in turn, is doing everything he can to let Jimmy know just how much and how hard he's cumming. Which is very much, and very hard. Some things to note are the way Robert not only mimics the sounds that the theremin is making, but also some of Jimmy's gestures, like when Jimmy puts both hands up in the air and then we see Robert doing the same. Meanwhile, the rhythm section are doing their thing, John Paul Jones' bassline providing the sort of bow-chicka-wow-wow type soundtrack to this auditory gay porn. Also, around 5:45, you can hear the bass do something that sounds an awful lot like "Achilles' Last Stand", which at this point hasn't been written yet, but that particular riff has been and will be used in concerts for quite a while before ending up in said homoerotic epic.

What really, really gets me about this performance, though, is what happens at around the six minute point, when Jimmy goes to grab his guitar back from offstage and Robert just has this look on his face. He's saying "ooh, ooh," slowly sauntering in Jimmy's direction, looking straight at him, his eyes filled with what can only be described as pure lust. This part isn't for the audience. Most of the audience can't see Robert's face with the direction he's facing, and those that can are too far away to be able to see it. He's not faking this. He's not pretending to be horny or desperate to be provocative, not in the look he's giving Jimmy, anyway. I'm not sure if the look in his eyes here is one that can be faked. Oh no. He feels it.

And then Robert gets back to singing, "Feel a little lonely, in the middle of the night. I need you darlin', to make things alright." And who is he looking directly at as he sings this? Just take a wild guess.

tl;dr: Robert and Jimmy are about as subtle as a rainbow fireworks display spelling out "WE'RE BISEXUAL DISASTERS IN LOVE"

[clockworkdragonffxiv]

I started my D&D campaign back in April of 2020 shortly after the COVID Lockdown hit. I was bored out of my skull and stressed, and a friend had expressed his frustration with his own D&D group and I just went "Fuck it."

I hadn't played DnD since college. I had never GM'd a tabletop game. But I had nothing better to do. So I went on to Discord into, like, the three channels I'm active in and rounded up a gaggle of friends from FFXIV and from my old City of Heroes group. For my starter campaign I used the very first Eberron campaign ever published for I think 3e or 3.5e, converted to 5e, "The Forgotten Forge."

And three and a half years, multiple cases of COVID, two rounds of cancer and chemotherapy, four or five moves, three kidney stones, multiple bouts of depression, and a half dozen job changes, we finally finished the campaign at level 16, having convinced the Lord of Blades to devote his talents to building the new Warforged nation and healing the Mournlands using the unique techno-organic warforged plants and animals we'd discovered, instead of his original plan which was to absorb the power of a Creation Engine and a Demon Overlord into himself, achieve apotheosis, and drown the world in a tide of blood.

My original plan for the final battle has in large underlined letters the phrase "Biblically Accurate Chainsaw Angel" and included a speech with lines like "LET THE SEAS BOIL AND THE SKIES FALL! LET THE WORLD BURN!"

Also probably ending up with the players picking the Red, Blue or Green endings from the End-o-Matic 9000.

But that didn't happen.

So instead, the campaign that started with our little group of heroes stumbling onto the murder of a professor with the clues to a hidden workshop, ended with the wedding of Seeker the Warforged Artificer, the man who'd talked the Lord of Blades down (despite having a Charisma of 8) and now holds the title of Maestro Seeker, is an advisor to the national leadership, and is the teacher of a whole new batch of warforged, and the warforged medic Solace, an NPC whose existence began as a joke about Seeker having a whirlwind romance with a medic in the space of about 23 minutes while the rest of the party were running errands.

Hot damn was that a lot of work. Three and a half years, and despite it starting in modules by the second I'd decided I didn't like the story as it was written, threw it out, and told my own story. Featuring friendly little fire elementals named Phil, packs of extremely patriotic and laddish mimics named Jimmy, an eight foot robotic sweetheart named Friend whose primary weapon was an equally massive tower shield and her totally-not-boyfriend warforged druid/allosaurus/swearasaurus Din, a wrestling match with a hobgoblin that nearly turned lethal when an 18 foot tall warforged titan came in with the steel chair, an alligator with a gun, and banishing the elemental dragon powering a flying battleship while A) the team was still on the battleship and B) it was still several hundred feet in the air and C) it was the only thing keeping it there... it's done.

And it was all worth it. God I love these guys. So here's to you, Katie, Jacquie, Mike, Stan, and Will. I'll see you all next week for our next adventure.

[nymphaforesta]

i'm waiting at the bus stop and a delivery guy just came past me in a van, then stopped to go deliver something and in a very laddish way went "excuse me this is gonna sound very weird but your hair is SICK" 👉🏻👈🏻 eheh

[gr00vyminibus]

𝐎𝐟𝐟𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞

Izogie x Black fem reader —

— Even if you thought Izogie was unbearable, your body always disagreed. Or, a tangible love between the two of you blooms on your father's farm.

will include; reader being stub-BORN, izogie is a clown, your clown though, reader claims they dont like Izogie, bad. Heavy on, betrayal of emotions, smut, watching a person masturbate, fingering (mostly to themselves), clit play, first time, and fluff at the end.

“How are you and my daughter getting along?” Your father smiles at Izogie.

“Quite fine, does she speak of me?” She flashes a smile back shaking her wet hands off. Your father does little chuckle.

“She says you annoy her greatly”

“She has no humour! all I do is tease her” Izogie can feel a playful side-eye directed to her.

“Can you go see if she's done with that half acre of corn, I also need some water” Izogie nods and brings a metal bucket out with her on the path of a sparkly river. She cuts through the the plants and hears a soft melody in the distance. Instantly assuming that it comes from you. Her hands push past long leaves that soon reveal you, skin shining like glitter under the sun.

Izogie was so in awe of you that her feet were planted in her spot.

You ring out your frivolous curls and turn around ready to leave but instead you jump back when you spot Izogie staring at you.

“My god, stop doing that!”

“Doing what? it's not like you own this river. I have to get water for dinner anyway” you hold onto your chest as she crouches down, scooping some water in the big bucket.

At the feeling of your eyes glued on her, Izogie glances up, the smallest sight of her teeth bareing from the side. Her eyes scan you down shortly, judges of amusement paneling in her eyes.

You snap ushering her to speed up her task, “it doesn't take centuries to scoop water! hurry up!” she rolls her eyes.

“do you want me to fall into the river?”

“yes, as I matter of fact.” you swim to her and she quickly yanks the bucket from the water, trying to equal it's weight so the liquid doesn't spill. As she grins down at you frustrated face, there comes a loud calling of her name.

“well I am off, be sure to tend to that corn or your father will be angry” before you can retort she's on her way calling back to her uncle.

You don't miss the sight of her biceps flexing to hold the bucket and that makes you curse quietly, swimming to get your clothes.

Dwanu was a good friend of your father and planned to start coming over so the two could exchange agricultural secrets. You could imagine the two cackling over foolish things back at the house. Though, the neice Dwanu talked so fondly about was not who you thought she was.

Izogie was buffer than you thought, having toner muscles than the men in your village. There was something about her that felt laddish and when you both were left alone her mouth seemed to ruin everything you thought of her. Izogie brags and teases a lot, she was also competitive and felt the need to show her many skills at any chance given.

If she'd turn off her chatter maybe you would befriend her.

Whatever.

You tell yourself to stop thinking about it and dry off with a towel, soon making your way back home.

•••

“Amen.” the whole table echoes this praise as you uncross your hands and grab for a wooden bowl. You can't help the way Izogie's presence makes you feel, conflicting your senses in so many ways you wished it wouldn't. Even the subtle heat of her body which you can clearly feel is taking over you.

But she didn't have a clue, just sat in her seat and ate dinner, more indulged in the plate of food than the verbal back and forth between your father and her uncle.

The way her lips sucked the sauce off her thumb made you feel like the top of a beer mug, layered with lots of bubbly cream that slowly dissipated. Your eyes went through the arm hole of her shirt, gaping slightly at the sight of her obliques tensing up.

She laughed at your father's antics for sucking his teeth, just like you did.

“Swesi do not be angry that you cannot grow your tomatoes like mine, it requires great skill to get them ripe and juicy and-”

“Ntchu, Dwanu hush didn't you come over to ask me how to grow corn fresh?!” Swesi's accent flows strong like a tipped barrel full of water.

“You are not the king of farming-”

“The people say I am!” You can't help but let out a small laugh as well. Izogie glances at you, face propped on her knuckle. Mauve gums make the slightest appearance in your smile and in a way it makes it cuter.

She also sees that the loose strap of your gown has fallen and pulls it up. She knows what she's doing and if your father and her uncle weren't here you would attempt to wrestle her.

Your hand comes up straight after fixing it more as she smiles to herself and returns to her plate again.

“pass the milk, please” your father sighs and you blink.

“we have none father.” he gets ready to say something before he snaps.

“you are right, i meant to get some yesterday but I forgot”

“i have to go by the market as well, we should go together?” Dwanu furrows his brows before scooping a spoon of beans into his mouth. Your father asks if they should leave now and Dwanu confirms that they should.

“well you two we will be leaving, protect eachother and cause no trouble, I must say this knowing you too” your father raises his brow comedically.

“of course, I will protect her.” you were so tired of Izogie's shananigans that you just give her the most dirtiest look you could muster, her ignoring it just fueling the twist of your face.

“be kind to one another as well” Dwanu chimes in slipping his feet into some flats.

“Right, me and dwanu are off.” When they both leave Izogie follows on their way out and waves them good bye until there in a far distance. You put your plate up and make your way to your room but Izogie's voice stops you.

“Hey, I have to wash my clothes, don't step out of the house until I come in. I don't know what will get you beyond these fields.” you step up to her, chest to chest as you dig a finger in-between her chest.

“I am not a child, I am older than you.” you walk off and the way your hips sway have her swooning, she adores the way you speak to her even when it's coated in an attitude. Izogie calls after you and you roll your eyes at the smile being heard in her voice.

“I'm going out now!” she chuckles and grabs some gloves and a bucket from the the porch. When you arrived pulled back the curtain to your room, settling on your quilt and sighing. It was long day and you wanted to relax.

•••

Izogie clipped that last piece of clothing on the line before walking back to the house. She pushed the material that covered the entryway to the side and looked around. It sounded too quiet and the atmosphere was too dark. Not a hint of candle lights or the sound of moving against a quilt. Izogie wouldn't go to bed without checking on you.

The path to your room wasn't far anyway but when she reached it the faintest thing was heard, she tilted her head curiously to test if it was her imagination. Both hands resting on either side of the door way.

“mh.” Izogie parts her lips slightly looking in every direction she can't see before focusing in on your voice, for a second she feels ashamed for eavesdropping but can't bring herself to move. The way ecstasy dripped from your voice sounded so sweet.

Every whiny breath and moan flew through her ears like a song, why would Izogie want to leave this gentle entraption, that was you.

Something like this was only possible in her dreams.

The moment Izogie met you she couldn't think. Honest to the gods the way you looked at her made her feel small, at a feeling so foreign she wanted to reject it which led to her constantly taunting you.

Deep inside she wanted you to read her and make her confess, because bottling up these emotions she hid didn't necessarily feel good.

So as Izogie listens to you touching yourself, the images in her mind make her body feel loose, fluid-like. Her protective walls are melting down until the obscene thoughts of her mind are bared to succor.

Another moan comes but it's louder than the rest and Izogie's eyes get large. She finds herself settling on her knees, biting her lips as only muffled sounds meet her ears. Would she be wrong if her hand traced across the waistline of her shorts, placing her thumb inside to brush across her curls.

Izogie leaned forward as she mindlessly peeled the curtain back, your body was shown covered with a dainty beige material over your waist and chest, she felt breathless.

The hand in her shorts traveling further as her eyes did the same down your neck. Parts of your body are glowing from the moonlight, the argent shade overlaying your warm cocoa skin.

Izogie's eyes flickered up to your hand sliding from your mouth, a connecting string of spit that she desperately wanted to lick up, even biting her lip to suppress her groans about it. She wanted include herself in your pleasure so badly, wanted to handle you the way you liked and learn your body with her hands and her lips, and her toungue.

She shut her eyes at the thought stroking her clit as she momentarily put her head back. The long shirt that pooled around her working wrist was lifted up by her free hand, the task of her rubbing her clit becoming easier. Izogie let out an involuntary moan and quickly yanked her hand away, rushing to the guest room.

You sat up in panic, quickly wrapping the material over your whole body. Your curtain was still as you took your hand to it, dragging it to the side and sighing in relief as there was no one there, maybe it was your imagination and once Izogie finished washing clothes she immediately hit the bed. You hoped as much.

•••

In the guest room, Izogie needed to tend to her throbbing as soon as possible. The temperature in the room felt tropical and in a snap of a finger all her clothes were off. She wanted to reach that state you'd been so close to obtaining, remembering how you touched your clit and resuming the circles.

Her body shudders slightly, elbows not serving her anymore to which she lays flat against the cover relaxing her legs apart. Thick brows furrowing when a shock makes her moan.

You walk down the hallway and approach Izogie's room to see if she is asleep. Not much thought occurs when you peel back the curtain, the sight making your jaw drop. In the faint light her body glows and her pussy is drenched in an luminescent fluid you thought of licking up.

Izogie's switches her hand over her mouth for inserting a thumb. That makes her think of penetration, what if she were to..

Her fingers prod at her entrance and insert a finger, hissing lowly. It's tight but the pain feels somewhat satisfying, Izogie finds herself wanting more and inserts another one moaning loud again and you believe she doesn't care anymore.

Your thighs get stickier the more she lets out those sinful noises including the wet ones coming from her pussy. Nibbling on your bottom lip unmercifully.

“god—”

She glances at the curtain and jumps, cursing loudly. Instead of taking her fingers out she keeps them in, as she covers her most intimate body parts with a blanket.

Your expression feigns alarm, “oh!” your feet only go three meters before she's calling you.

“stop!” you oblige and watch her place a cover over her. She looks flustered, an expression you wanted to see more often instead of her arrogant facade.

“you spied on me?" She stares at you intensely, ironic how you two were both interrupted from your masturbations. “how long have you been watching?”

“not long!” Izogie looks skeptical and brought her legs closer to her chest.

“.. what were you doing before?”

“... relaxing.” she doesn't expect for you to tell the fake yet unfake truth and sputters for words, the action making you chuckle and shrug.

“it's normal, no?” she reluctantly shrugs also struggling to ask you a certain question now that you're here.

“Is it.. normal to..... offer help during this?”

“What, touching yourself?”

“yes.” Izogie sighs out and you decide to play with her a bit.

“I guess, what? Do you want my help? Seems like you have it figured out."

“this is not.. the time to tease-” a smirk forms on your lips, "it is the perfect time to tease you my sweet izo. I just wanted to check if you came back inside and here you are, pleasuring yourself..." A moment of silence passes when you trail off. Izogie is beyond embarrassed but your tone strangely didn't give off any ridicule.

It was low and soft as your eyes were observant through the shadows. Observing each shift and movement of her body. Izogie realized quickly that she didn't have to be the core of your taunt, she could be shameless and flip this situation in her favor. And that is what she was going to do.

"Yes, as you've seen.. I am pleasuring myself. Judging by the way you're still standing and staring at me you must want to see more?" Then you snap out of every little thing thats kept you afloat. The anchor of confrontment pulls you down and you hold the side of the entrance to keep from buckling at her bold statement.

"You're disgusting.. "

"Says the girl who's still in my room, knowing i was doing something privately to which you had no right to know?" Izogie frowns and gets comfortable against the wall, fully covered by now.

"... when did you get inside the house." You blankly asked and she sucked her teeth, "I got in a while ago."

"So you saw me?" You began walking and let the flap go as she visibly froze. "I saw you?"

"You watched me too.. and–" you get on your knees, glancing down at her legs that are still tightly squeezed close.

“let out an interesting sound when you realized what I was doing, Izogie.” Your tone is sultry and she bites her lip from it, heart pounding as she slowly spread her thighs to make space for you.

"You are un-believable, you don't even mind me being here do you?" You scoot closer as inhales through her flared nostrils and presses against the wall.

"I mind a lot."

You chuckle “sure.. just tell me you want me here.” Izogie never broke from yours until she flickered her eyes to your lips.

"And make your ego swell? Please." She rolls her eyes and you finally scowl, body raising to go.

"I didn't say leave." She held your wrist and from then on you showed her a lot of things that night.

•••

Her lips fell open to let out deep breaths. You wanted to pounce on her whole visual and make her reach the finish line but you can only praise her.

“good, good. You can go faster if you want” in regards to the fingers inside of her.

“I'd finish to soon— mm”

“y-yeah- go at your own pace.”

Her pussy swallows her long fingers bit by bit, squelching when she reaches a tight abyss. Izogie wets her lips just to bite them over. You would have never thought to see her like this, ever.

“can you touch me too?” she mumbles.

“only if it's okay?” she nods her head, shakily breathing as she begins to stop. You feel the insides of her thighs and scoot closer to her.

“can I get on your lap?” Izogie hums permission and you settle there, reaching a hand to cup her mound. She closes her eyes leaning her head on your chest. Two fingers give attention to her swollen clit that jumps at the contact.

“do you feel what I'm doing to you?” you ask breathing throuh your nose to calm yourself down, she drags her head up and looks at with the most irresistible eyes. Her plump lips blowing around an —I do— and it's hushed. Only for you to hear. You can't control yourself anymore and grip her tricep circling it faster as her thighs shake.

“Your near, aren't you?”

“Mhm” you nod and feel proud of yourself for unraveling her. Hands float over your sides and grip your ass, the aggression making you emit a quick yelp.

“can I— touch you?” you give the green light and she lifts the wrap up, fingers searching for your clit and then rolling it the same you pace were going in on her. You moan loudly and rise off your knees a bit.

“mm. mm.” she hooks an arm around your waist, strictly holding you close as she abused your clit with focus.

“yes!” her mouth is pressed against your breast and unconsciously sucking your nipple through the material. You stroke her head and quickly slide some of her juices on her cunt to make the slides easier.

“I'm close- cumming-” When you still, her pace doesn't stop. You're cumming all over her hand and you know it, you must grab her wrist and tell her that it's too much before she apologizes, that being cut off by her own gasp. Now she's finishing herself, arching her back off the wall before tensing up her core. She holds your elbow gently and you stop, rubbing your fingers on your wrap.

“How was that?”

“I just gave my virginity to you.”

“oh, me too.” as your highs come down you can't believe it but it's true, both of you just had sex and there's stars in Izogie's dim lit eyes that sparkle the more she looks at you. She's just staring until you get closer and peck her lips. Her eyes shut closed and then she grabs your face for something much longer than a simple peck.

She's still in the middle of rebooting so her motions are slightly sloppily and then you feel a thick tongue licking and lapping at your lips, before she uses her own to slowly enclose around yours again. Izogie hopes she's kissing you right, you transfer the most lightest whimpers through her throat and it's lulling her unbeknownst to you.

When you're out of breath you pull away and she settles for kissing your cheek and temple, moving down the slope of your neck.

“thank you” she mutters.

“of course, I'll be here whenever you need me”

“whenever I need you?” she hums in your shoulder and you can tell, slumber is bound to take her conscious any moment from now.

“Ɛɛn, ayi ce.” yes, my heart.

[kiatheinsomniac]

──── 𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐌𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐔𝐏 𝐎𝐍 𝐀 𝐑𝐀𝐈𝐍𝐘 𝐃𝐀𝐘 ˊˎ -

☾ ⋆ ﾟ𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓 / 𝐑𝐔𝐋𝐄𝐒 𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐄𝐒: a commission from @havatnah who's been lovely to work with :) 𝐏𝐀𝐈𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆: older! Jacob Frye x Reader 𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐃 𝐂𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐓: 3.3k 𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒: NSFW content, MDNI, smut, wholesome sex (?)

Living in England for the last few years, you made sure that you brought an umbrella with you everywhere, a little collapsable one that wouldn’t take up too much room when you carried it. The little black umbrella had saved you from having utterly drenched clothes more times than you could count so it was almost a sad moment to be parted from it when you and your husband were caught in the rain, huddled beneath it, and the wind snapped it beyond repair. 

If you were any further away from your lodgings, you would have walked into a store – you had come to find that just about every one of them always had a little rack of umbrellas for sale which would be significantly more bare after a downpour of rain – but the two of you decided you could get back in time before getting too wet. 

Nature had other plans though, it would seem, as what was initially a light shower became complete and utter downpour and now the two of you had your hoods up, shoes splashing upon cobble, gravel and mud as you made your way back home. By the time Jacob was closing the door behind you and you were trying to dry your dirtied shoes off on the doormat, your clothes were soaked and clinging to your body like a second skin in whatever places they could. Jacob was the first to get out of his shoes and drag a drying rack over to the fireplace which he then knelt in front of and began to light. 

Once a fire was going, he fed the flame with some chopped wood and got up to peel off his coat, hanging it over the rack to let it dry by the heat of the fireplace. Shivering, you approached the rack to do the same, pulling off your hood and feeling the drag of it against your head where it clung to your hair that stuck to the sides of your face. Your hands ached from the cold and then the sudden change in temperature upon getting indoors and so you found yourself fumbling with the buttons of your other layers in an attempt to remove them, barely able to feel the little things between your pain-numbed fingers. 

“Here…” Jacob spoke up, already out of his shirt after pulling it over his head. Gently, he moved your hands aside and began to unbutton your clothes for you. As he did so, you reached up to slick back his wet hair from his face; somehow that one stubborn piece still managed to flop over his forehead, never ever abiding to the uniformity of the rest of his hair. However, this time, the water finally kept it swept back. Your arms lowered to your sides as Jacob’s hands curled around either side of your unbuttoned shirt, a silent question. 

“Go on then…” You replied as you bit back a smile. He replied with a laddish grin that had stuck with him since his youth, giddy to be able to undress you no matter how many times he had done it before in the time you had been together. He let out a long sigh at the sight of your cleavage, pushed up by your stay and you allowed him to relish in the sight as you reached over to toss your wet clothes over the drying rack with your coat. No matter how many times he saw your body, Jacob always seemed mesmerised and you weren’t sure whether or not he was just playing the part to make you feel beautiful but whatever he was doing, it was working. Little did you know, as he guided your hands down to your trousers and pulled your body even closer so that he could reach around and undo the ties of your stay, was that he truly did find your form breathtaking. Every time you allowed him to gaze upon the sight, he felt like a blessed man and it was even better when he was the one to undress you to, like unwrapping a gift piece by piece and you were a gift that he could never tire of, that he would be more than content to unwrap again and again and again. 

Heat flooded in your cheeks when he dropped to his knees in order to help you take off the trousers, pulling down your pants too and hanging those up too before rising to his feet once more as you removed your stay and pulled your undershirt over your head, now utterly bare beneath his eyes. Calloused hands reached out to trace over the lines where your stay had been pressing into your skin along the seams and he stripped off the remainders of his clothing before dragging an armchair over by the fire. In the chair was his robe – which he put on without tying shut – and a blanket that he wrapped around your shoulders. 

“Come here, warm up with me.” His voice came out quietly, sensually, and you felt his thumb caress your jaw as his hand rested on the side of your neck. In a silent reply, you took his hand and let him guide you into his lap as you sat down. He assured that the blanket stayed firmly over your shoulders and that your feet weren’t poking out either, not wanting you to stay cold. He could still feel you shiver against his body, even though you were already beginning to be warmed by the heat of the fireplace. 

You allowed your body to melt against Jacob’s, your bare chests pressed up against one another as his arms encircled you and he splayed out his palms to rub up and down the length of your back. Your chin rested on his shoulder and you turned your head to press your cold nose against his neck as you tried to warm up, wanting to shuffle even closer but hesitating as the two of you were already in such a compromising position. You wanted to warm up a little first, though this raised the question in your head of: wouldn’t that warm you up so much quicker? 

You let out a sigh against your husband’s neck and chose to indeed press your body closer to his, feeling the muscles of his abdomen beneath the little layer of pudge he had there. He still looked good and you always assured him of that, making sure he knew that age was nothing to be ashamed of and that you quite liked him more mature like this. He let out a content sigh and held you even tighter in his arms, one hand reaching up to try and brush your hair away from where it was sticking to the sides of your face and neck. 

You merely nuzzled your face further into his skin which felt warmer than yours already and felt his lips press to your wet hair. His hands left your back in order to gather yours into his palms instead. He cupped your hands in his and brought them to his mouth, blowing his warmth breath onto them and then rubbing them between his palms to try and warm you a bit quicker. When he was done and your fingers were no longer numbed with cold, he softly kissed across each of your knuckles and a sly smile crept onto his lips at the sight of your breasts in the shadow of the blanket, nipples perk from the cold. 

His hands left yours in order to cup just beneath your breasts instead, testing the water, making sure that this was ok with you. A shiver ran through your veins but this one was not from the cold. You gave a slight nod of your head. A low groan slipped past his lips by the time he was squeezing your plush flesh between his fingers. You let out a sigh at not only the warmth of his palms on your skin but also at the electric feeling it sent through your body. 

Your hands landed on his chest and worked their way up to his shoulders, pausing along the way to caress the bird that was inked upon his skin. From there, your hands wandered further upwards until you were cupping his face, thumbs caressing his cheekbones. You smiled softly at those hazel eyes of his which were fixed upon your lips. Deciding to draw the moment out, you arched your back so that you could push your breasts further into his groping hands as your faces slowly neared each other. You could feel his breath fan against your lips in the moments before he lost patience and finally closed the space between you two. You couldn’t help but smile slightly into the kiss at feeling how his nose was just as cold as yours and yet you quickly melted against his body as he pulled you flush to him. Jacob’s kisses had once been all about quick and hot passion but in his older age, he had learned how to take his time. He knew how to get you wrapped around his finger with his dizzying kisses that always left you flushed and yearning for more. 

Your hands combed through his wet hair as you tried to push your body even closer to his but it just wasn’t enough and so you found yourself rocking your hips against his in a push-and-pull of trying to get even closer to your husband. You could feel his cock hardening between your bodies and his moan was muffled against your mouth. 

Jacob’s hands simply couldn’t keep still on you. Without removing the blanket that had been draped around your shoulders, his hands ran up and down your back, sliding even further down to the curve of your ass which he grabbed firmly in his hold, squeezing your softness between his fingers and using his grip to help you rock your body against his. His hands slid down even further to squeeze your thighs as well before he seemed to miss the feeling of your soft ass which one hand returned to while the other found the back of your head, keeping you close so that you couldn’t get very far when he finally broke away from the kiss. 

He was utterly enamoured by your lustful eyes and the quick rise and fall of your breasts now that your breathing had quickened in excitement. 

“I’m sure we can warm each other up quicker than the fire can, hm?” He mused and his lips crashed on yours again but this kiss was brief and he seemed to lose himself for a moment as he covered the side of your neck in kisses before reeling himself in and slowing down. Your body was pulled flush to his with the hand on the back of your head and you returned the gesture, fingers still tangled in his dark hair as you held his lips close to your skin that was quickly growing feverish whereas it had previously been so cold. 

His hands worked their way beneath the blanket and you jolted a little at how cold his palms felt when they landed on your hips to squeeze and then glided over your belly, palms splayed out in an attempt to feel every inch of your body, to assure that his touch could properly appreciate every part of you. One of his hands slid even further down and caressed your inner thighs for a moment before his fingers dipped into the heat of your slit where arousal was already beginning to pool. You shuddered against his body when the pads of his fingers rolled against your clit and he began to rub in circles as you rocked your hips into his touch, chasing the pleasure that he was giving you. 

He changed up his pace every now and then just to hear the sweet moans that would fall past your lips when he did so. His lips trailed even further down your body and you bit on your lip to muffle a moan as his kisses ventured down to your breasts. His hot mouth encased one of your pert nipples while his hand went up to give the other attention and your hips stuttered against his hand at the sensation of having his warm mouth on one breast and his cold fingers on the other. 

Your nipples were both quickly slicked in his warm saliva, aching from both arousal and all the attention that his mouth had lavished upon them. Your hand reached down between your bodies to take his hardened cock, stroking your hand up and down the length of it and rolling your thumb against his slit, smearing the precum over the reddened tip. He sucked in a hiss at the sudden pleasure before sinking his teeth into your collarbone – not enough to break skin but just enough to try and assert some dominance over you. You bit back a smile at the challenge and stroked him faster, ensuring that you paid extra attention to the swollen tip of his cock while your other hand went down to fondle his balls. 

Jacob’s hold on your waist tightened and before he could try and make another move, you shifted your body upwards and guided his cock into your dripping hole. You sank down until the head of his cock was nestled snugly in your walls, giving yourself a moment to adjust to the sudden intrusion before beginning to sink down even more, tentatively lifting and lowering your hips as you adjusted to the feeling of his cock stretching out your walls. Jacob relented his teasing fight for control and instead buried his face between your breasts as he let out a long groan when you finally took him to the base, enamoured by the feeling of your warm, wet walls pulsating around him. 

Setting your hands on his shoulders, you lifted your hips and let them fall right back down onto him as he slouched down some in the chair to give your legs more room, hands running in cycles from your hips, to your ass, to your thighs and then back to your hips to start all over again. His lips continued to pepper kisses across your breasts and one of his hands reached up to momentarily pull the blanket over your body again from where it was beginning to slip, not wanting you to be cold. The tender and thoughtful gesture in the middle of such an act gave you butterflies and only spurred you on to ride him faster, burying your face in his neck to muffle your moans when you gyrated your hips so that your clit would grid against his abdomen. 

“Jacob…” You moaned softly by his ear as his hands firmly cupped your ass and helped to guide you. The lewd way that his name fell from your kiss-swollen lips made his cock twitch within you, your skin now hot and shining with a thin layer of sweat as you pressed your body up against his. You let out a little yelp when suddenly you were no longer straddling him in the armchair. Both of your arms wrapped securely around your neck as he supported you with hands beneath your thighs, holding you in the air for a moment before you were laid down on the floor in front of the fireplace with the blanket that had been around your shoulders now beneath you. 

On top of you, Jacob took one of your thighs in his hands and set your leg over his shoulder, reaching even deeper into you when he began to pull his hips away and push them back into you slowly but firmly. He leaned down over you to capture your lips in yet another one of his dizzying kisses as one of his hands went down to trace stars against your swollen clit, swallowing all of the sweet moans and cries that you let out in response. 

“More… more, please…” You let out breathlessly and felt Jacob’s proud smile as he leaned in for one more kiss before using your leg that was over his shoulder as leverage to turn you on to your front. His body leaned down over yours, not yet entering you again, as he pressed a kiss to your hot cheek and stroked some of your wet hair away from your face. 

“Not too uncomfortable?” He asked and you shook your head with a hum to let him know that you were alright in this position, comforted by the heavy blanket beneath you. “Good.” He murmured and pressed a kiss to one of your shoulder blades before sinking back into you, able to reach even deeper in this position and grabbing a firm hold of your ass in one hand while the other, by contrast, rested delicately upon your waist. He let out a guttural groan as he watched his cock sink into your swollen and soaked pussy before forcing his hips against yours again and again and again in a rhythm that had you panting and crying out moans which you muffled into your folded arms. 

The room was full of a mixture of sounds: the rain on the windows, the crackle of the fire and – most predominantly – the smack of Jacob’s hips against the backs of your thighs. Your wetness was stretching between your bodies each time he withdrew his hips just to slam back into you again and one of his hands pressed to the floor by your head so that he could lean down and reach under you with the other, rubbing messy patterns against your sensitive clit to feel you finally come undone around him in an orgasm that left your body shuddering. Every one of your muscles felt wound up tight until a sensation like liquid electricity poured out from your abdomen and reached the furthest parts of your body, right to your fingertips and toes. 

The feeling of your walls fluttering around him and near pulling him in, trying to milk his cock, was enough to send Jacob over the edge too and he quickly withdrew from you to rapidly stroke his cock that was slick with your arousal and orgasm, spilling his hot load over your ass and across your back as he hissed out and moaned your name. You could feel each drop hit your now warm skin as he finished and eased you down to lay on your belly, leaning down over your body to press another kiss to your cheek and feeling your rapid breaths. He sat down beside you and looked over your body, painted with his cum and your back quickly rising and falling as you tried to catch your breath and slow your heart. 

You registered the feeling of his fingers oh so gently brushing your hair away from your face and detangling some of the locks before he was pressing more kisses across your shoulders and the nape of your neck. 

“We should get cleaned up.” He said after a while, “We could do with a warm bath anyway.” 

“I don't know, I think that warmed me up just fine~” You quipped with a teasing tone that was met with a quiet but rumbling laugh from him. 

“You should still let me clean you up though.” His hand smoothed over your head soothingly and you let out a content hum before rolling onto your side so that you could look up at him, tucking your arm under your head as a makeshift pillow. 

“Very well but it’ll cost you a kiss to leave my side right now, even if it’s just to run us a bath.” He smiled down at you as you pursed your lips and leaned down to give you a sweet, lingering kiss. As he stood, he did up his robe and brought the blanket that you were laying on over your body so that it was folded in half with you resting between each side. 

“It can be cleaned with the rest of our stuff.” He reassured you, “I’ll be back in a few minutes…” 

☾ ⋆ ﾟlike my work? why not: ∘ buy me a coffee? ∘ commission me? ∘ join my taglist ∘ consider following/reblogging

🏷️@havatnah @b3k1720 @wolfwarrior06 @veryfancydoilies @writing-noah @asianbutnotjapanese @danielle-marie @minimisthios @catou1305