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adelphenium · 6 months
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got our pojo back ✨
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anthonybialy · 8 months
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Embarrassed By Patriots with 2023 Twist for Buffalo Bills
What year is this?  Losing to New England isn’t supposed to be a tradition anymore for the Buffalo Bills.  A relapse is way worse considering the franchises supposedly crossed paths on respective tracks.  The supposedly better one better be as embarrassed as its fans are.
The score was 10-0 after one quarter just like everyone guessed.  The Bills play like they’re not morning people deep into the afternoon.  A leisurely approach to getting started drags down the record in the season’s middle.
Professionals shouldn’t need adjustment time.  Showing up at kickoff is one of the job responsibilities.  Game-playing millionaires should know the value of playing intensely from the start.  The Bills can’t work from home.  It’s time to pay this roster hourly, as they can’t be trusted to put in work while on salaries.
A lack of focus blurs hopes.  Buffalo has spaced out early in games and the schedule.  They’re running out of time to become awesome both in individual and broader samples.  It’s nearly November in case you couldn’t tell because Halloween decorations have been up since Independence Day.  The season only seems eternal.  By the time Christmas decorations are up this weekend, nearly half the football one will be a memory kept in consciousness by an unimpressive record.
Idlers knew deep down they could only feel inspired by the Bills for so long.  Waiting until the final quarter leads to a comeuppance for arrogant loafers.  This club is playing as if they think coasting on talent will win them another division.  The Bills are surprised by lousy grades after writing term papers on the bus.  Blame typos on potholes.
The only thing worse than Ken Dorsey learning on the job is him not learning.  John Y. Brown is more popular amongst Buffalo fans.  Conditioning a rushing quarterback to not rush is a nice touch.  Meanwhile, the coach who started his Buffalo career getting a team to overachieve is now overseeing underachieving.  The eternally perspicacious Pegulas gave Sean McDermott an extension just like they did Don Granato if we’re still into that One Buffalo thing.
Dorsey would rage about the defense if he knew it wouldn’t get him canned from an undeserved job.  It’s easy to determine who played well when the list is so short.  Look away from mortifying tackling paired with unimpressive attempts at coverage lead to an offense-level meltdown.  I’d would rather have ‘90s Sabre Dane Jackson in coverage than the present Bill.  Christian Benford is playing like a BCS school alumnus who was the 185th pick.  Taron Johnson is finally known, and now it’s for the wrong reason.
You’re just missing the long game.  Making Mac Jones look amazing suckers the Patriots into thinking he’s their quarterback solution.  Then they wouldn’t even get their first choice to replace him because winning hurts their draft standing during a season when they are playing for an insurance settlement.  You didn’t think the Bills just played badly because they’re overrated, did you?
There’s no reward for suffering.  A just world would feature steady enjoyment of New England’s descent into its eternal spot.  Instead, Buffalo helped Satan’s favorite coach get his 300th win in a moment that brought back the kind of painful memories that resurface when your alarm’s going off in five hours and your brain flaunts its sense of humor by reviewing every torment.
Frustration at idling was so thorough that complaining about officiating is an afterthought.   The NFL apparently can’t have a play clock alarm.  Why won’t the NBA loan them shot clock buzzers?  This league is notorious for never making money, which is also why they can’t implement a tennis-style imaging system that can spot where the ball is to determine first downs and scores.  Scraping together enough to make the game fair seems like it’s worth skipping an iced cappuccino treat or two.  Next, make offsetting personal foul committers sit for five plays each instead of nothing happening.
The Bills failed a test that wasn’t one.  Dominating as expected against a franchise that’s plummeting faster than my optimism wouldn’t have moved them up power rankings.  But they couldn’t even manage that modest feat in perhaps this season’s most mortifying example of falling short.  Blaming the inherent toughness of divisional matchups is an excuse this team isn’t granted.
Falling short gets to the point where exceptions become the rule.  We call that the Dawson Knox standard.  Hopefully, he’ll be able to catch footballs after surgery in a way he couldn’t before.  Listlessness is no longer merely a phase.  The club can’t shrug off barely getting past the imploding Giants.  The Bills have already blown a high percentage of their 17 chances.
Shiftlessness always catches up.  The Bills have been avoiding hangovers despite debauched nights.  They got plastered during Sunday Night Football and woke up fine.  But indulging finally dehydrated them.  They have to shake wanting to sleep through a splitting headache, as they have to wake up by Thursday.  On a related note, the day after Amazon football night offers a good chance to fire a coordinator managing indolence.  The Bills simply don’t look right.  Wasting potential isn’t fun to watch.  The score merely offers confirmation.
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onemuthoot · 1 year
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Eligibility Criteria for a Gold Loan
A gold loan is the easiest way to monetize your physical gold during a short-term financial crisis. You can approach banks or NBFCs specializing in gold loans to encash your gold. ONE Muthoot , one of the leading NBFCs in India, has 135 years of industry experience serving gold loan customers.
At ONE Muthoot, a gold loan application is a hassle-free process. Your socio-economic status doesn't matter. Any Indian citizen above 18 with a sufficient quantity of gold can avail a gold loan. Unlike auto or home loans, the end use of the fund will not be verified. You can use it for medical, educational, marriage, business, holidays, home renovation or agricultural purposes.
ONE Muthoot offers doorstep gold loans in 30* minutes for those who like to enjoy unparalleled convenience from the comfort of their home.ONE Muthoot Gold Loan Eligibility CriteriaAgeIndian citizens aged 18-75 yearsLoan AmountRs. 1,500 onwardsPurity of Gold18 Karat and aboveCollateralGold jewelleryDocuments RequiredDocuments to prove Identity and Address. Aadhar card/Passport/ Driving license/Voter’s ID/ Electricity BillLoan To Value (LTV)Up to 75%
Gold loan eligibility criteria may vary across financial institutions. If you are unsure about the ratio of gold to a cash equivalent, you can use an online calculator. A gold loan calculator is a tool to estimate the quantity of gold required for a specific amount.
How to use ONE Muthoot gold loan eligibility calculator?
Step 1: Visit www.onemuthoot.com
Step 2: Scroll down to the Gold Loan Amount Calculator.
Step 3: Enter the loan amount or gold to be pledged and "get the value." The calculator will display the loan amount, weight of gold required and Karat value. You will find a variety of schemes based on the loan amount on the right-hand side. The information includes the monthly interest rate, gold loan eligibility per gram, loan value range, tenure, annual interest, and a schedule of the interest rate for different terms.
Step 4: Choose a scheme suitable to your budget and click "avail this scheme." You will be directed to schedule a call to set up an appointment.
Financial institutions will not accept gold bars as collateral for gold loans. Any precious stones attached to the ornaments will not be considered. At ONE Muthoot, you can enjoy maximum Loan-to-Value for your gold in the market.
You can use the ONE Muthoot gold loan eligibility calculator to evaluate your gold against the loan amount required. Book an appointment for a doorstep gold loan. A loan manager will visit you and evaluate your gold ornaments. The loan amount will be transferred to your account quickly after approval. You can access your gold anytime, at your doorstep or from your nearest branch.
How can ONE Muthoot doorstep gold loan be beneficial to you?
Any Indian citizen above 18 can apply for ONE Muthoot gold loan. Click here to learn more about the simple gold loan from the home application process. Pledged gold ornaments would be under the safe vault of the Muthoot FinCorp branch nearby, with 24/7 surveillance and insurance.
Take advantage of ONE Muthoot gold loans and get the best-in-industry interest rates, 0% processing fee and no hidden charges. The ornaments will be returned in the same pristine condition after full repayment of the loan.
Access the online gold loan eligibility calculator and choose a customized repayment schedule suitable to your budget. Our flexible repayment options will help you to settle the loan at your convenience.
Head to our website www.onemuthoot.com to connect with us. *T&C apply.
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cyberstudentqueen · 1 year
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15 Best Twitter Accounts to Learn About Sell My House Fast
Life is pretty much an island paradise in Florida, with many palm trees, beautiful beach locations, plus some of the greatest sunsets in the world. Although Florida has various comparatively affordable metropolitan areas, new potential buyers need to be knowledgeable that shifting to Aloha Point out comes along with a considerable cost tag, starting up with closing expenditures which are between the highest within the place.
Closing costs, which typically vary from 2% to five% in the house’s order price, are many of the expenses that consumers should settle on the closing day right before receiving the keys to their new residence. It's going to take a village to assist you get residence; as just a couple illustrations, you’ll really need to pay back your lender to put in place your home loan, your appraiser and inspector to evaluate your prospective new household, and your own home insurance provider. You will pay for these fees in one lump sum rather then paying each support provider independently.
Should you’re curious about the amount of closing charges in Florida is usually, take a further examine That which you can expect to pay And the way you might perhaps reduce these prices.
In Florida, Exactly how much Are Closing Fees?
Mainly because of the climbing expense of real-estate, homebuyers in Florida will should be particularly rich to pay for a down payment and shutting prices.
In keeping with a 2021 Assessment by ClosingCorp, a business that does info about the U.S. property industry, closing costs for a home valued at $549,496 in Florida average $4,154. This sum equals 0.seventy six% of the cost of your home. The nationwide typical is $6,087 compared. Florida was certainly one of the most expensive places to shut on a house, coming in at amount seven outside of all 50 states.
Having said that, ClosingCorp would not look at quite a few items that might increase thousands on your closing prices bills, such as property bank loan funding expenses and personal home loan insurance plan. Point out-particular costs were not taken under consideration possibly. In Florida, This might entail analyzing the Risk of flooding, buying supplemental earthquake and windstorm insurance, and carrying out a land survey.
The amount you are going to commit on closing expenses may also rely on the place in Florida or The situation you happen to be transferring to. The ClosingCorp estimate employed a median home cost of $549,496 While, As an illustration, Kauai and Maui have residence values which have been more than $1 million. According to Florida Realtors, the average sale price tag for an individual-family house in Maui was $one.05 million as of July 2021, when compared with $1.32 million in Kauai.
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Closing prices could range between $27,five hundred to $sixty six,000 if consumers wish to pay up to 5% of a home’s cost, which can be between an estimate of $550,000 to as substantial as $1.32 million.
Your total payment will likely be based on the cost of your home and The issue of the assets sale.
What Usually Includes Florida Closing Costs?
Florida homebuyers could possibly be curious regarding why closing charges might be so high-priced there.
Below are a few usual closing expenditures you could come across in Florida, in conjunction with condition-particular data you need to be conscious of:
Bank loan Origination Fees
For those who’re not paying income for your new residence, your lender is going to be your initially prevent in the course of the household-shopping for approach. However, buying a mortgage loan isn't free of charge; loan origination expenses are required to protect all administrative expenditures, from preparing the house bank loan software to dealing with your resources at closing.
Bank loan Origination Costs really should be predicted to range between 0.five% to 1% from the financial loan volume.
Price for Credit rating Reviews
Your lender will require to carry out their due diligence to validate that you're a reputable borrower when you apply for any type of credit. Your lender will execute a complete credit Check out on you as Section of the house bank loan software system, which will include acquiring your credit report from many credit score organizations to gain an intensive understanding of the way you’ve taken care of your debts.
You can be charged by your lender with the rate of obtaining your credit history reports. If more than one person is shown about the bank loan application, count on this expenditure for being doubled.
Escrow Business Fees
To help you through the whole closing treatment, you have got to employ a title company or escrow agency. Between you and the seller or residence builder, the title company serves as an unbiased middleman. Escrow charges are commonly shared by consumers and sellers.
Your money, like your earnest funds deposit and down payment, will likely be stored because of the title agency in a third-party escrow account right up until closing. A title research, dealing with a lawyer to jot down purchase contracts and certify the transfer of deeds, working with lenders on each side, together with other very important methods while in the closing system will all be coordinated via the title business.
Payment with the Legal professional
Though it is not essential, you or your title enterprise may work by using a real-estate lawyer to aid with legal documents, notably All those connected to property transfer files.
Moreover, an attorney can Consider your own home coverage and title insurance coverage guidelines, validate deeds, and guide in building your acquire settlement.
The expense of choosing a real estate property lawyer in Florida completely is dependent upon your spot during the condition, what you would like the lawyer to manage, and how tough the promoting of your house is. Some housing Lawyers demand by the hour, while others provide a established level to deal with your property transaction.
Title Search and Title Insurance plan
When purchasing a property in Florida, a Title Research over the house is often provided by your title and escrow firm. A Title Search is a radical investigation into your history of the property’s titles to substantiate that the vendor has the lawful ability to transfer ownership for you.
You’ll will need title insurance to suit your needs as well as your lender after the title research is around to deal with all of your choices. In case promises are created in opposition to your assets, title insurance coverage safeguards both equally events. Your title company will assist you in acquiring enough title insurance policies in accordance Using the demands of your lender. As it’s a a person-time expense, the insurance policy is legitimate as long as you very own the assets you’re going to buy.
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Normally, for the “proprietor’s” title insurance plan protection, the vendor ought to pay back 60% and the customer pays 40%. Even so, in the event you’re bargaining with the vendor, you are able to divide up these charges in another way that actually works for both of you.
Real estate property Transfer Tax
In Florida, the seller of the house is obligated to pay the real-estate transfer tax, that's also termed a conveyance tax. It’s taken straight away out from the gain received from the home’s sale at closing.
The speed a vendor ought to shell out relies on a variety of elements, including the price tag at which the home is marketed and whether or not the purchaser is eligible for your homeowner’s exemption. In a place like Florida wherever individuals might purchase holiday properties or rental Attributes, it’s vital to recognise that a homeowner’s exemption implies which the residence is going to be employed as the client’s principal home.
Conveyance taxes for properties priced concerning $600,000 and $one million are 0.fifteen% For each $a hundred, but when the buyer is qualified with the homeowner’s exemption, the rate drops to 0.ten% for each $a hundred.
House Taxes
With a home tax price of about 0.26%, Florida has certainly one of the bottom costs during the place. A $517,600 residence has a mean once-a-year property tax payment of $one,324. Prorated assets taxes are compensated by homebuyers at closing and after that each individual two yrs following that.
Homeowner’s Insurance policy
Commonly, lenders expect you to possess a homeowner’s insurance policy coverage which is paid for and Energetic at closing. If your property suffers problems from a hearth, vandalism, or theft, this insurance policies will protect you.
So as to make sure you could have sufficient coverage, dependant upon where you reside while in the state, do your study. Flooding, earthquake, and storm hurt insurance policies may well have to be additional. To categorise your private home’s flood chance, your lender can Moreover need you to acquire a flood certification.
House Inspection and Appraisal
In advance of your lender decides it is Risk-free to transfer the house financial loan, you will also ought to endure an appraisal and home inspection.
As a way to guarantee that your new dwelling is valued reasonably throughout the house-shopping for course of action, your lender will assign a third-celebration appraiser there. If you're able to’t shell out your home finance loan and go into default on your personal loan, your lender ought to remember they will provide your house and make a income.
To estimate the residence’s truthful market place worthy of, an appraiser will Examine your home, and its unique attributes, and Review it to nearby residences which have been just like it.
An assessment of a household serves a unique purpose. In this case, an extensive walkthrough with the assets by an inspector will likely be carried out to ensure every thing, from the inspiration to the roof, is in good problem. Your house inspector will carry focus to troubles which might be now current or could create in the future. Employing this details, you'll be able to negotiate with the seller or ask for they make fixes prior to deciding to indicator the contract.
Equally the appraisal and your home inspection are paid for from the homebuyer.
Non-public Home loan Insurance coverage
Your lender will need you to get private mortgage loan insurance policies or PMI should you aren’t producing a twenty% downpayment. It enables prospective buyers to generally be permitted for a standard personal loan with as minimal for a five to 19.ninety nine% downpayment.
Despite the fact that you are accountable for purchasing the insurance, it basically shields your lender since you haven’t built a twenty% down payment.
The cost of PMI differs depending on the amount of your down payment and your credit score and is not A part of the ClosingCorp complete of closing costs expenses. PMI price ranges normally range from 0.twenty five% to about 2.25% of your respective superb bank loan stability.
What Can I Do to Minimise Closing Costs in Florida?
Is sticker shock already starting sellmyhousefastinfl.com/we-buy-houses-for-cash-fast-in-riverside/ to set in? Here are a few significant methods you could do to cut costs should you’re worried about the way you’ll have The cash to close on your own desire house.
Guidance with Closing Fees
The Homeowner support programmes in Florida may enable you to cut your closing prices considerably.
As an illustration, the Florida HomeOwnership Center Affiliate (HHOC) provides a 15-12 months deferred bank loan with 0% fascination and no every month payments as part of its down payment and closing Value assistance programme. The cash can be used on your closing fees and downpayment.
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sparklyrebeltragedy · 2 years
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How to Outsmart Your Peers on delta 8 thc alaska
4 Simple Techniques For We Believe In Unicorns (And Delta-8)
Table of ContentsThe Only Guide to A Legal-ish Way To Get Stoned Is On The Rise. Is It Legit?The Buzz on Delta8The Best Strategy To Use For Delta 8 Thc Dosage: How Much Should You Take?Top Guidelines Of Compliant Delta 8 Distillate Δ8 ThcThe smart Trick of Compliant Delta 8 Distillate Δ8 Thc That Nobody is Discussing
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Some Known Incorrect Statements About Delta8
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Therefore when it concerns using cannabis as medicine, considerably of the evidence our experts have is anecdotal. Talk to all around and you'll hear lots of stories of cancer cells patients using cannabis as an antiemetic and also anti-nausea medicine, or even of others using it for its anti-inflammatory homes, but a general search right into clinical analysis on the subject will definitely demonstrate how gravely confined it has been actually. delta 8 overnight shipping.
Permit's look at the established as well as possible benefits of delta-8 THC as well as what it might create for you as an individual - bulk delta 8 distillate with terps. It has actually long been actually assumed that cannabis might play an active part in battling cancer, and there are actually researches as much back as the 1970s that support up this concept. is thc distillate safe.
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What they discovered was actually that it substantially remedied the nausea or vomiting of the clients, along with a 100% success fee over 480 therapies as well as with negligible side-effects (featuring psychoactive impacts) - buy bulk delta 8. The united state authorities additionally has a license on the antiemetic uses of delta-8, advancing the concept that delta-8 can easily help minimize nausea as well as vomiting in cancer patients.
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financemaster1 · 2 years
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The various ways of repaying your Gold Loan
Gold loan repayment is much easier than you think!
Suppose you need a quick solution to a short-term financial challenge. Gold loans are the best option for those situations, as they can be disbursed quickly, require little documentation, and come with the lowest interest rate. Due to the emotional attachment, we prefer to pledge gold with a financier instead of selling it.
ONE Muthoot, one of the leading NBFCs in India, offers unparalleled convenience of gold loans from the comfort of your home in 30 minutes*. You can enjoy our flexible repayment options to repay your loans before the tenure period. Click here to learn more about ONE Muthoot doorstep gold loans.
Let us dive into the different gold loan repayment options offered by banks and NBFCs.
Partial payments
In this customer-centric approach, you can make payments of interest and principal components as and when you choose. Interest is calculated daily on the outstanding loan amount. The sooner you pay the principal amount, the more you will save on the interest. You will be in a comfortable position as you can repay according to your financial situation and there is no pressure of monthly payments.
Access the ONE Muthoot gold loan calculator to learn more about customized gold loan schemes. 
Repayment of the gold loan as EMI
The EMI consists of the interest and a component of the principal. This scheme is ideal if you are salaried with a regular monthly cash flow in your account, and you will get quick approval. This mode of payment will reduce your interest cost and the pressure of repaying the total loan amount at the end of the term.
At ONE Muthoot, we offer maximum loan-to-value for your gold in the market without any hidden charges.
Interest in EMI & Principal at closure
In this option, you will pay only monthly interest, like EMI, based on the schedule. The principal amount will be due at maturity only.
Pay interest first
Some lenders provide the option to pay the interest upfront and settle the principal at the end of the term. You need not worry about any monthly payments till the end of your tenure.
ONE Muthoot provides the best-in-industry interest rates for your gold loan. You can also have the advantage of 0% processing fee for our gold evaluation and collection services.
Gold loan Bullet repayment
Bullet repayment is an option to pay the principal with the interest of the entire tenure as a single shot. You need not make any payments till the end of the term. The total interest and principal are paid as one shot hence the term bullet payment.
The interest is calculated monthly but only payable at the end of the term. This scheme is suitable for those who can repay within 6 to 12 months, and lenders may limit the loan amount to Rs.2 lakhs, subject to conditions. Bullet repayment is not on reducing balance terms. You may end up paying higher interest than other repayment modes.
How to apply for ONE Muthoot gold loan from home?
Use the ONE Muthoot gold loan eligibility calculator to evaluate your gold against the loan amount required. Book an appointment for a doorstep gold loan. A loan manager will visit you and evaluate your gold ornaments. The loan amount will be transferred to your account quickly after approval. You can access your gold anytime, at your doorstep or from your nearest branch.
Always choose a reputed organization like ONE Muthoot for gold loans and enjoy quick loan disbursal and the best-in-industry interest rates without hidden charges. The flexible repayment options will help you to settle the loan at your convenience. Your precious gold will be secured and always insured with us while you fulfil your requirements with the loan amount. Head to our website to book an appointment through our website www.onemuthoot.com.
*T&C applies.
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adsthumbsblog · 2 years
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Master the Craigslist Used Car Buying Tips
Why buy used?
A used car (be it 1000 miles or 100,000 miles) is much cheaper than that same car when bought brand new off the lot (obviously). Craigslist, aka private party, lets us find these cars for the best price. Read on to learn how to become a master of the used car buying and selling process.
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Finding the right car
First, find a budget that you are willing to work with. If you do not have the cash, and if the car qualifies, a bank or credit union may offer a loan.
Always refer to KBB (Kelly Blue Book) for the current private party value of the car you are purchasing. This will give you a better idea on how much you should be paying for the car, as well as potential negotiating power to lower the price.
If not familiar with cars, we suggest finding a shop to do a Pre Purchase Inspection. That way you know the mechanical condition and can use it as negotiating power. The thing to remember with all used car buying tips, you must always negotiate the price.
Pro Tip Most people expect to get lowballed, so they set the price much higher than what they would really like to get.
A Note on Smog
If you live in a state that requires a SMOG check, make sure that the seller has a smog certificate included. Verify that the smog was completed within 90 days, otherwise it is not valid for transfer of ownership (CA).
Double check to make sure the registration is current. A lot of times, people sell their car for a cheap price only because they cannot smog it due to a Check Engine Light, or other issues.
Setting up for finding the right deals
On the Craigslist page, navigate to your location's web page, then click Cars and Trucks by Owner. In the search settings, set the range from $0 - (Your Max Limit). I like to add about 20% to my max limit to allow for cars that can be negotiated within the budget.
After you save your search settings, and refresh your page, you will see all the vehicles in your area that are for sale.
Pro Tip Save this Craigslist page to your home screen on your phone and your computer, that way its quick access and you do not have to mess with the settings again.
If you have this on your home screen you will see it more often, reminding you to check the listings and therefore increasing chances of finding the killer deal.
Contacting the seller
Remember, these used car buying tips apply for all private party car buying platforms, not just Craigslist. When I sell a car, the biggest thing I hate is when people ask "is the car still available?".
Be polite, but do not waste anyone's time. Contact the buyer through phone call when possible. If it's a smokin' deal, it will NOT last on Craigslist. The phone is the quickest and most direct method. Do not dilly dally around and have the sweet deal scooped up by a car dealer!
When buying a car, I look at the person selling me the car just as much, if not more, than the car itself. Mainly, it shows me what kind of treatment and service history the car received. If the person was older, spoke intelligently, and looked wealthy, we found that most times the car was in great shape to match.
Most Important Questions to Ask
"How long have you had the car?"
"What kind of maintenance have you done with the car"
"Why are you selling the car?"
"Are there any leaks or major mechanical problems?"
Ask these questions over the phone, and try to get a general understanding of the car's shape before going out to see it, especially if its a long distance.
Saving time is key, you would be surprised how often people say "The car is flawless" on the ad. Asking these questions lets you determine if they are honest.
Set up an appointment to see the car if you feel like the information you've gathered about the car matches what you're looking for.
Getting Ready to Meet and Test Drive
When meeting with a seller, I always bring:
Scan Tool for Monitors / Codes
Powerful Flashlight (I recommend Streamlight flashlights)
Pivoting and extendable mirror to check for leaks
My Drivers License / ID
Cash (I bring cash with me, but leave it in the car. I only do this if the amount is under $3000. Anything past that I just go to the bank with the seller and get them the cashiers check or cash when the deal is done).
Anti-Lemon Used Car Inspection Checklist
Before the meeting
Verify the sellers has the necessary paperwork, aka Pink Slip, proof of registration, and smog certificate (if required by state). Although not necessary, print out a copy of the bill of sale form.
Use CarFax or Autocheck to run a VIN background on the vehicle. This is key!
Set up personal guidelines to the maximum amount willing to spend on the car.
Make sure you have the funds ready, or instant access to them in the payment form the seller prefers.
Advise the seller you want the car to be COLD for your test drive. We want a cold engine to get a complete analysis. This is a key part to the used car inspection checklist!
At the car
Engine Inspection - Use the combination of the pivoting mirror and flashlight mentioned above to peek behind components and around the valve cover, checking for leaks. Inspect everything carefully, pay special attention to the serpentine belt area and leaks around the valve covers.
Check for Codes - Connect the scanner and make sure there are no engine codes. Make sure the monitors for smog are all completed - if not, be suspicious.
Check the body panels and paint, does it all look even? Is the texture the same everywhere? Look for panels that are a slightly different color or hue, which may indicate a sign of collision that was already repaired.
Check all the paperwork before starting the drive - make sure they own the car and that they have a pink slip with their name on it.
Check tires. Are they a matching set? Good Tread? Any signs of uneven wear? Could mean bad alignment or an accident in the past that prevents proper alignment.
Check brake pad thickness through the wheels if possible.
Check maintenance records (see if big service items have been done, like timing belt and water pump if the engine is a timing belt engine)
Check condition of oil. Open the oil filler cap and look under for any foamy, milky substances, which MAY indicate sludge or head gasket issues.
Upon vehicle start up, check the exhaust pipe for smoke. Listen to the engine for any uneven running aka "misfire" and try to smell for coolant or oil burning off which would indicate a leak.
Look over the serpentine belt(s) and all other engine components for any signs of damage, wear, or leaks.
Peek under the car to check for leaks, rust, and damage.
During the Test Drive
Engine Check - Make sure to use some power and get the engine to a high RPM (don't redline someone else's car). Have the windows down and constantly monitor for noise from the engine, as well as the suspension. Note how the vehicle idles, it should be smooth for the most part. Keep checking the instrument cluster for warning messages as well as overheating. Be keen to any burning oil or coolant smells.
Brake Test - Come to some stops at different speeds/intensities and try to listen for screeching or grinding noises
Alignment Check - During the test drive, while on a somewhat even road, let go of the steering wheel for a few moments and see if the vehicle drifts to one side. Keep in mind, most roads have "road crown" and will slightly cause all cars to drift to the right, but a barely noticeable amount.
Transmission Check - Make sure the test drive takes at least 15 minutes, ask the seller for permission first. This will allow the transmission to fully warm up. For automatics, issues could potentially arise online when hot, and not be present when cold. You will feel jerkiness when the auto transmission is malfunctioning. For manuals, do a clutch test by engaging 4th gear at a slow speed and go wide open throttle - see if the clutch slips (the rpms will climb extremely fast like you are in neutral).
Wiggle Test - At about 30 mph roll down your windows do a few quick left to right steering wheel maneuvers. Listen to the suspension and chassis - it should not make ANY noises while doing this.
Suspension Check - Go over some bumpy roads, and take some angled driveways / turns. Listen for any binding suspension components which will present itself with a loud knock. Also listen for failing wheel bearings by rolling up all your windows and checking for a loud whirring rotational noise.
Interior and Features - Finally, check all the features. This means A/C, reverse camera, navigation, etc. Check all window motors by rolling up and down the windows. Make sure everything is working to your desire.
During the Test Drive, DO NOT:
Drive the car like you are taking a hot lap around the Nurburgring
Go on an extended period test drive unless agreed upon with seller
Do anything that would put you or the car at risk, cosmetically or mechanically.
Remember - an honest seller will often also have a car that is in fairly decent shape. Verify that the story they tell you matches the clues you see with the car.
Ask one of the previous questions to see if the answer remains the same this time around. If something doesn't match up, chances are the seller is hiding something, and I would investigate further.
"Gut Feeling" plays a big role in this game. Be alert to your senses and you will not buy a lemon. This is one of the key used car buying tips.
Inspecting the Car
If inspecting yourself, print out and follow our Inspection Checklist
Make sure to find a professional shop to do a Pre Purchase Inspection if you are not mechanically inclined. Anything wrong with the car, especially when NOT told about by the seller, can be potentially used to reduce the selling price or to save you from thousands of dollars in losses.
One of the used car buying tips I want you to take away from this is that any car can be a "good deal" so long as the issues within the car are discovered and price lowered to compensate.
Seal the Deal
First, before anything else, make sure they have the pink slip, as well as the smog certificate. Verify they are the owner by asking to see their ID and matching it to the name on the pink slip.
Make sure the smog certificate states that it has been completed within 90 days, otherwise its invalid for title transfer. Other states may have more paperwork so get familiar with your states requirements.
Reach a price that both parties can agree to.
Do NOT be afraid of throwing out an offer. They just spent their time showing the car, and people hate to lose time. Most times they will take a substantial amount below asking value as long as you show them things they have left out in their ad.
Sellers usually prefer cash money, but if the car is more expensive you should pay with a cashier's check. Since there is a lot of check fraud going on, sellers are typically sketched out.
Invite them to come to the bank with you while you have the cashier's check made out. If both seller and buyer have the same banking company, an instant transfer can also be arranged.
After completing the transaction, make sure to save the sellers phone number for any further questions. Also ask them for any sets of spare keys, and service records they have.
Thank you very much for reading
My name is Anton and I'm from California. My website CarLifeDaily.com is an auto repair and used car buying and selling advice blog. Check out the website and make sure to subscribe to receive exclusive member-only content weekly!
A cool thing I came across is this course for reconditioning batteries. Now I promote it on my site, simply because it saved me so much freakin' money.
Phones, drones, laptops, cars, you name it.
They all have batteries, and they can all be made to last an indefinite amount of time. Also a major step in the right direction for going green, as well as my readers that like to build up their energy banks for the coming apocalypse!
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miss-eucatastrophe · 4 years
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Pairing: Levi x Erwin x Mike x Thick!Reader/PlusSize!Reader
Summary: When you purchased your first home you’d anticipated it being a turning point in your life. You just didn’t anticipate that turn to give you whiplash. 
A new home throws you into a new lifestyle you would have never thought you’d find yourself in-- with three men you’d never expected to be with. 
Rated: Explicit [18+]
Main Tags: Polyamory/Polyamorous relationship, BDSM, Attack on Titain Modern AU, Slow Burn
A/N: Hey all, Just some things about the reader in this fic before you get invested:
I keep the reader ambiguous in appearance and use [y/n]. Use of [y/n] becomes minimal in favor of pet names as the story progresses. 
One thing that is not ambiguous is that the reader is thick, you could also say plus sized though because that’s different in every country I favor the word thick. I also think its kind of a sexier adjective. 
Reader has self consciousness issues and anxiety, both are being treated/have been treated through therapy. I keep it ambiguous as to whether or not the reader is still in therapy-- regardless the reader is insinuated to be far along and doing well in her treatment. Shout out to my peeps who are/have been in therapy, your mental health is important and you’re doing great no matter where you are in it. 
Reader is in her mid to late 20′s because realistically purchasing a home before that is near impossible. Hell even in our 20′s its hard. I also wanted to give a little love to my thick girls in their later 20′s because we out here. 
A lot of AOT reader inserts, if not completely ambiguous, often emphasize a super fit form. Which makes sense in the typical setting when the reader is in the AOT world and maybe a soldier-- but I wanted to give some love to our fuller body types. Maybe I just got tired of reading “...reader’s flat/muscular stomach...” and going-- ooh can’t relate! Haaa. 
That being said, you can read this no matter what your body type because everyone’s perception of self is different-- I just wanted to give the heads up because the reader does struggle a bit with her sense of self in the story because of her body type as her self confidence continues to develop. 
BDSM dynamics ultimately take place in this fic. Some are good BDSM practices/etiquette, some are not good. Professionals know the difference and this is not your guide to polyamory or BDSM. The poor etiquette will be rather obvious but if you’re interested in pursuing BDSM in your real life, please don’t use this work of fiction as gospel. Do your research and practice safely! 
My fictional stories are for ADULTS. Do not read them if you are under the age of 18. 
With all that out of the way, Please enjoy~ 
Chapter 1:
“I got this,” A panted breath.
“I got this,” A strained grunt.
“Nope I lied.” A loud thunk of a heavy box hitting green grass.
“Told ‘ya so.” The brunette breathlessly quipped from her position beside another box, her arms haphazardly flung over its surface. “Can we please take a break now?”
Admitting defeat, you fell in a heap on the lawn and nodded your head, but not before running your forearm across your sweaty brow. “Okay, yeah,” your reply was just as breathless although your friend had given up long before you. “Like five minutes.”
The other female placed her chin on the box, framing her head between her outstretched arms. “Okay, yeah, like fifteen minutes.” She echoed in a tired din, attempting to get you to thoughtlessly agree to her editing of the time.
Though tired with your legs and arms throbbing under the surface of your skin, you shook your head. “No Sasha,” you said firmly. Though it sounded like you were trying to convince yourself over her. “If we take longer than five minutes, we’re gonna quit and we’re almost done!” You gestured with an open palm to the admittedly small moving van parked in the street in front of you. You’d made good headway with it. It was amazing how much stuff you could fit in such a small van.
It was amazing how little space said stuff could take up in such a big home.
Well, big might be a little generous. It was by no means a mansion, certainly not as big as some of the other models on the same street, but it was bigger than your previous living conditions.
More importantly it was yours.
Yours.
You smiled, looking up at the bright sky above you, dotted with a few fluffy clouds.
Your first home.
Your heart sped up when you reminded yourself. You had doubts that it would ever happen. Saving enough money to put a down payment on a home without loans or handouts was no easy feat. But you did it, and that hard work had paid off in achieving your goal. Your down payment was enough to make the house payments bearable; though for the first few months you could see that a majority of your income would go back into the home either in the form of said payments, filling the home with furniture, or renovating some of the areas that needed love.
Like the front yard.
The front yard needed some love.
Not the lawn. The lawn was good. The lawn was providing you and Sasha with a much-needed reprieve. Yes, the lawn could stay.
You loved lawn.
Lawn loved you.
Until your arms started to itch. A less than intimidating growl left your lips as you quickly sat up, your nails digging into your skin as you scratched at it for some relief before flailing your arms about to try and save them from the irritation—as if you could shake it off your flesh.  
“Back to work.” You chirped, making Sasha groan.
“Remind me what I’m getting out of this again?” She mumbled, her face planting itself back to the box to muffle her protests.
Kicking yourself up to standing, you looked over your shoulder with a playful smile, “I’m feeding you.” You reminded her.
After a long pause, perhaps letting your words sink in, Sasha released a huff, lifting her face and flexing her small arms in her baggy t-shirt. “Second wind!” she shrieked by way of a battle cry, her hands clenching the cube between her legs in a vice grip as she moved to a squat, yanking the box off of the pristine lawn.
Who would take such good care of a lawn but ignore the rest of the yard? The previous owner apparently. Then again, it made a bit of sense. It was easy to turn on a sprinkler system to keep a lawn looking fresh whereas the things you wanted to add would take work. Like flowers. You loved flowers. Though you’d struggle on and off with a potentially green thumb, unlike your mother who could make anything grow. Planting flowers was a must. You would work your way to the backyard. But the front yard was like a first impression and you wanted it to be pretty for when friends came over as well as for the strangers that passed by. You wanted people to say, “Oh what a cute house. Whoever bought it really spruced up the place. It looks much better. Oh, it so does, blah blah blah.” Should you care what other people said? No. But you were human. Besides, your mother always kept an immaculate home, you wanted to emulate her in the maintenance of your own home.
As always you were getting too ahead of yourself. You were thinking twelve steps beyond where you were. That could be dangerous. Such thoughts could stimulate anxiety. Something you were unfortunately prone to. You took a deep breath, stealing your resolve to focus on the present moment.
You lifted your gaze, letting it drag over the neighborhood. “Find every color.” You murmured to yourself.
Red, the roses on the bush two houses down.
Orange, the moving van.
Yellow, your shirt.
Green, the lawn.
Blue, the sky.
Purple, your struggled to find purple and made a note to plant some purple pansies to rectify that.
Pink, the flowers of the magnolia tree next door.
You took a deep breath. This was your favorite grounding exercise you’d learned from therapy. It forced you to stay in the moment, steel yourself, and stop racing thoughts—often times before they happened since now you were much better at recognizing the warning signs. It took a lot of work to get to this point. It was work you were proud of.
You took another breath.
First the van. Empty the van. One thing at a time.
A huffing and puffing Sasha stumbled down the shallow steps of the front door—your front door you though joyously—with her hands on her hips, bent slightly at the waist to pin you with judgement. “Excuse me? Am I do’n all the work around here?”
You smirked, nudging the box in front of you with the toe of your shoe, the memory of your struggle to lift it still fresh in your mind. You weren’t in a hurry for a repeat performance in spite of your hassling of Sasha. “Depends, how big of a meal you want?” You teased her.
The brunette scoffed. “If you want me to go at it alone then you better be treating me to a buffet.”
You giggled, though a twinge of envy settled in your chest. Sasha was a petite thing considering how much she ate. You were not. The fact that she could eat so much and still keep her shape while you struggled around your weight made you jealous. The thought of going to a buffet filled you with dread. You always wondered what people thought when they saw someone of thicker size stepping into one of those. It triggered the self-consciousness you were working on diminishing. It wasn’t as though you were lazy, ugly, or any other stereotypical term that so wrongly coincided with your set. Hell, you’d moved over half your old residence by yourself. You were strong! Your body could do amazing things. You just didn’t match the image plastered all over social media and society of what a woman “should” look like.
Size 0 mannequins could go fuck themselves.
You had hips, you had a butt, you had ample breasts—all things sexualized excessively in the female form—you just also had a little extra. Thick thighs, a bit of a tummy—society wanted you to have tits and an ass but when you had the addition that often went with those things naturally, you were frowned upon. It was a complete catch 22. However, society wasn’t going to change, not overnight. So instead you worked on yourself—or rather your perception of self. Therapy helped, but it was an everyday battle to combat two parts of your brain. The half that liked and appreciated the many elements of you, including your body—and the half that was an asshole.
Right now, the asshole was winning. Because of this you had no interest in taking Sasha to a buffet—which meant you had to actually pick up the box you were glaring at.
Bending over, you hoisted the box into your arms with refreshed energy and groaned as you started to your home. “Remind me again why we didn’t recruit the guys?” You mumbled; your voice strained with effort. You probably had books in there. Yeah that was absolutely the book box. Should have spaced those damn things out. What kinda dumb ass were you to put almost all of them in one box?
“Oh, it’s not that much and they’re working, we can totally handle it.” Sasha said, her voice mimicking yours as best it could, though laced heavy with sarcasm. “That’s you. That’s how you sounded.”
You were kicking yourself, “Talk some sense into me next time.” You called, over your shoulder, dropping the box just inside the door where it was going to stay until you either, one, had the energy to move it, or two, had finished putting up your half book shelf.
It was probably going to live there for a while.
“Already thinking about ‘next time’? Oh, no, you’re not moving for at least 10 years. You can’t get me to do this again before that.” Sasha said sternly when you walked back outside to meet her by the van. “I’ll book you for 10 years from now.” You agreed, leaning against the side of the vehicle while Sasha took a moment to fix her ponytail which had gone messy with her unloading efforts.
Walking around to the back of the moving van, you leaned down to pick up another box, a smaller one than the last and took a moment to look over what was left. Just a few bigger items. They were bulky but between the two of you they wouldn’t be difficult to manage. Getting the bed frame and headboard up the stairs was going to be a pain in the ass, luckily TV’s were thinner now so that would be easy to get inside, the bedside tables were small and each of you could carry one of those, the dresser was going to be a bit of a bitch…
You bit your lip, looking over the items and making a list of difficulty in your head. Once again you were filling your mind with ‘to-do’s. Luckily, a voice pulled you out of your own thoughts as you backed down the van’s slope.
“Hello girls!”
You turned around to see an older woman toddling down the driveway beside your own, holding a tray with cookies and two glasses of what appeared to be lemonade.
Putting on your best ‘first impression’ face, you gave the woman a bright smile and placed the box down at your feet to greet the woman who was undoubtably one of your new neighbors. “Hello ma’am,” you said politely. Sasha was too busy drooling over the cookies in the woman’s hands.
“Please, please, call me Della.” She said, lifting the tray in her hands to present the offering to you and Sasha, who was quick to snatch the lemonade and two cookies, chewing both of them at the same time with happy hums and grumbles. You nudged her with your elbow silently scolding her for bypassing the introduction process. Della waved you off, having noticed the subtle action. “She’s absolutely fine! I’m thrilled to have someone enjoy my baking so much.”
All the same, you introduced yourself before taking your own cookie. “It’s nice to meet you Della. I’m [y/n] and this is Sasha.” You took the tray from her and placed it on one of the taller boxes so you could shake the woman’s hand. “Thank you so much for the lemonade and treats.” How on earth had the woman baked that fast? You’d only been there about two hours and these cookies were absolutely fresh out of the oven. Clearly you were living next door to a witch. A kitchen witch. You were totally okay with that so long as she directed her baking powers on you regularly.
“These are amazing.” You mumbled around a mouthful of warm cookie, the flavor sitting on your tongue for a moment, only to have your pallet cleansed by the lemonade.
Della gave a bright smile, “Well thank you dear. It’s nice to have another darling couple to bake for.”
Sasha spit out the lemonade she was sipping, her eyes popping out of her head as she coughed.
You swallowed your bite to try and keep from choking yourself. “Oh! Oh gosh no. No Sasha is just helping me move in. She’s my best friend.” You clarified calmly.
Sasha was thumping her fist to her chest in an attempt to clear her esophagus. “Connie would kill me.” She managed to choke out between wheezes.
“I think he would be down.” You murmured around another sip of lemonade, teasing her.
Della however covered her mouth, looking a little embarrassed by her assumption. “I’m sorry I shouldn’t have jumped to conclusions. I guess I’m just so used to our other neighbors.” she trailed off, gesturing to the house on the other side of yours. You took that to mean that your other neighbors were a gay couple.
You shook your head, “Don’t worry about it!” Honestly, you were pleasantly surprised to have an older woman be so openly accepting and progressive. Having a neighbor like that wouldn’t be half bad. Especially if she made a habit of sharing her cooked concoctions.
It seemed you’d managed to move to a rather well-rounded neighborhood. It made a smile tug at your lips.
“Will you be living alone, dear?” Della asked, smoothing her hands over the apron tied around her waist. The action cause tiny plumes of flour to drift in front of her before her green eyes came up to regard you with her full attention. It must be her way to ask if you had a significant other that would be moving in alongside you. To some it may seem prying, but you didn’t blame her for wanting to know a little more about the person living right next door to her.
Nodding your head, you reached for another cookie. You probably wouldn’t have normally, sometimes you felt odd eating in front of others— it might have something to do with your negative self-image—but in this case it seemed rude to not show how much you enjoyed the treats after your neighbor slaved over them for you. So, you justified the second as you answered her question. “Yep, just me.”
Humming her understanding, Della nodded in response. “Well don’t you worry. This is a very safe neighborhood. I’ve never felt nervous living alone.” She assured you.
It was not something you’d even considered. You’d lived on your own before, in truth you just slept with a baseball bat under your bed or a heavy flashlight by your nightstand. You’d never had to use them of course, but better have it and not need it than to need it and not have it. You were confident in your ability to defend yourself. As confident as an untrained baseball bat wielder could be anyway. It’s not as though you knew martial arts.
“That’s reassuring.” You told Della with a smile who returned your kind expression. “If you ever need anything, do let me know,” she said softly, picking up the tray as you and Sasha placed your glasses on it—though she handed you the plate of cookies which was for your to consume at your leisure.  “Us girls gotta stick together.” She winked, pulling a giggle from you before she gestured with her chin to your other neighbor’s home. “We’re outnumbered by boys after all.” She was just teasing but it clarified your suspicion of your other neighbors being a male couple.
“They’re very kind,” she added, “So I’m sure they’ll tell you the same. It’s a very lovely neighborhood.” She gave a little curtesy since she couldn’t wave. “I’ll let you girls get back to it!” She called as she walked back up to her driveway.
You smiled back, waving as she made her way to her home, “Thank you again! It was nice to meet you!” You raised the plate of cookies to Sasha’s view once the woman had retreated into her house after the brief welcome. “These are gonna be gone.” You whispered, walking past her to get them to the empty kitchen before you and Sasha could turn them to crumbs.
“Don’t you owe me a debt?” Sasha called after you, picking up the box the tray had once sat on top of.
You gave her a look over your shoulder. “I’m not giving you all my welcome cookies. I’m ordering pizza later.” For a moment you contemplated hiding the sweets. But that wouldn’t protect them from you. Just Sasha and her ravenous hunger.  
It took a little under an hour to get the remainder of the van emptied, without any interruptions—no matter how pleasant. Assembling the bed was a bit of a pain, as suspected, but it was the only piece of furniture you were going to rope Sasha into helping you with. You’d bought a few new pieces of furniture that were still in boxes, which made them easier to pack, but you still had to assemble them. You were confident in your ability to do so on your own. You’d put together enough furniture in your time; and Sasha had done more than enough to earn her pizza.
Thus, the remainder of the evening consisted of eating said pizza, demolishing the plate of cookies, and yelling at reality stars through the television about their actions even though they couldn’t hear you nor Sasha. Thank god you had gotten the cable hooked up day one. You at least needed internet to watch Hulu and Netflix.
Your spunky brunette friend didn’t stay too late. Bless her, she took it upon herself to take the van back to the rental facility for you so you could continue to get settled. The most important piece of furniture was already complete, ready for you to pass out on it when you gave up on the boxes.
To your credit, you managed to unpack most things that didn’t involve the furniture still needing to be assembled. In fact, you unpacked and sorted all your kitchen ware very easily. The kitchen was a good place to start because it didn’t require the rearrangement of furniture which would inevitably come with unpacking areas like your bedroom. Empty cabinets, drawers, and countertops were a blank slate that only required methodical stuffing. Most people’s kitchens were relatively similar in where cutlery went, mixing bowls, cups, pots, and pans—there was only so much variability. It wouldn’t require the careful placement needed to make a space cozy and inviting. It just had to be functional and neat.
Another aspect that made the kitchen simple was your lack of items. Again, this home was much larger than your previous residence. It had much more space for things. Things you didn’t have but would come with time. You were rather excited to shop around for new things to fill your kitchen as well as the rest of your house.
You’d also managed to unpack some knick-knacks and items that would be set on already constructed furniture, like photographs of your family and friends. One of your favorite pictures included you, Sasha, and Connie in Disneyland. Because you were never too old to enjoy Disneyland. It had been your first trip with friends instead of family when you’d reached adulthood. You smiled fondly back at the joyous photo, all of you wearing Micky Mouse ears and grinning at the camera.
Connie and Sasha were two of your closest friends and though they were together romantically they never made you feel like a third wheel. You enjoyed their company dearly. The picture would get a place of honor in the living room before you went to bed that night, concluding your first day of unpacking.
-
The next two days went by in a blur of screws, hammers, nails, bubble wrap, newspaper, and boxes as you unpacked neatly tucked items and assembled furniture that was somehow always missing a screw or two that probably wasn’t important to the overall design anyway. Hopefully, the instructions were more like guidelines. So long as the furniture was sturdy and looked the way it did in the picture, it was fine. A lot of it was place holder furniture anyway. Rather cheap IKEA stuff that would serve to fill space and allow storage as you’d slowly accumulate nicer goods overtime.
It was a process, you reminded yourself, and the home wouldn’t be perfect or look like a catalog home right off the bat. It was what your mother had told you as well when you told her you were buying your first home. Her encouragement and soothing words also helped to keep you grounded much like the techniques you were still learning and utilizing from your time in therapy.
You’d hardly been out of the house since Friday when you first moved in and in spite of your fatigue caused by tedious unpacking, you were itching to start work on the front yard.
Not the backyard.  
That was an adventure you weren’t ready for. You didn’t have an idea mapped out for that yet and weren’t going to spin out trying to construct a plan for it. The backyard would be last. Mainly because that was going to be a big project. It wasn’t poorly maintained, but it was empty. It had a nice lawn, much like the front yard, but that was it.
A blank slate almost overwhelmed you more. It allowed too many options. When you were ready, you’d likely ask the opinion of your parents or friends. Picking their brain for ideas would be helpful and take some of the burden of decisions from your shoulders.
But that was another day, likely many weeks from where you stood now.
Where you stood now was The Home Depot, in the gardening section, looking over the flowers, shrubs, pots, and yard décor they had to offer.
As you promised yourself earlier, you picked up some purple pansies, leaving every other flower and shrubbery up to the whimsy of your mood. Once you had enough plant life to fill the sparce areas of your new home you picked out a few more gardening essentials that you were severely lacking in. Such as gardening gloves, a trowel, and a small bag of soil to fill the few cute pots you would put on the front porch containing succulents. Because succulents were hard to kill—and admittedly you were still a bit green regarding the whole gardening thing.
Pun very much intended.
You snorted at your own stupid joke.
People looked at you in the checkout line.
You looked away, chagrinned.
Quickly, you paid for your greenery items and scurried out to your car. You would start planting right when you got home. It was still early in the morning, hardly 9:00 am. Way earlier than you liked to get up if you were being honest. But, if you started now you could get most of it done before it got too hot.
-
This was Mike’s favorite way to start the morning. With his heart pounding in his ears to the tune of his running mix, his nose filled with the fresh scent of the creek’s running water, and his bare shoulders gently warmed by the sunlight dancing through the canopy of trees overhead.
Almost every day before work, Mike would jog down to the creek trail not far from the house, enjoy the scenery, make a loop or two around the two mile-long path, and then jog home. It was a routine that never changed. He’d been doing it for years now and the consistency was part of what grounded him. He would credit his morning run with assisting in coping with his PTSD. Going without triggered his anxiety and instantly set a poor tone for his day. As such, his boyfriends were good about allowing him to untangle from the sheets every morning, despite one not being a morning person—because he hardly slept in the first place— and the other being a bit of a cuddlier, though he would insist Mike was the cuddlier. Not himself.  
A smile tugged at Mike’s lips at the memory. He wiped his sweating brow with his shirt which was draped around his neck rather than on his body. He’d discarded it early in his run in favor of feeling the light breeze tickle over his bare torso.
His breathing changed as dirt road turned back into concrete when he turned from the creek trail back onto the sidewalk of the main streets of his neighborhood, making his way towards home.
As home came into view, his jog slowed to a walk, allowing his muscles to feel the rush of blood flow under his skin, the tingling throb of adrenaline cycling through his system becoming more noticeable with the shift of pace. Mike’s arms stretched over his head before bending at the joints. His hands folded behind his skull just under the knot of his blonde hair—the half up hairstyle keeping his shaggy bangs out of his face.
Getting closer to his home, he noticed a difference in the normally consistent pattern of houses along the street. A person was in the yard of the house beside his. Their old neighbor had never spent time tending to the yard. He hummed a curious sound. He hadn’t yet had the opportunity to introduce himself to their new neighbor. The “for sale” sign had been taken down days ago, and he vaguely remembered the presence of a moving van without occupants when he’d left for work that Friday.
Mike pulled his phone from his pocket, pausing his music before taking out one of his earphones as he got closer to the house. Though his own music was silenced, a new tune hit his ears, getting louder the closer he got to the kneeling form. The music wasn’t so loud that he would have to yell over it—he could probably clear his throat and the stranger would hear him.
With every intention to politely do just that, he opened his lips and—
Stopped dead in his tracks the moment he got behind the stranger because of what he was greeted by.
There you were, in front of him, on your hands and knees, back arched and your body at an incline as you dug the hole in front of you. But that’s not what got his attention. It was that your legging covered ass was perfectly on display, high in the air, round and inviting.
Mike stood there; mouth partially agape without realizing it. It was a few moments of ogling before he could take in more than that. He picked up your gentle voice, humming to the tune of what was playing on your portable speaker, he picked up the scent of flowers and damp earth, and he picked up on your doe like eyes wide with surprise. It was only then he noticed you had turned around away from your project, hand on your heart as you let out a yelp of surprise at finding someone standing behind you.
A giant standing behind you.
“H-hello…” you murmured, collecting yourself as you moved to turn down your music to a gentle background noise.  
Mike was able to take that time to gather himself. He quickly closed his mouth, clearing his throat and rubbing the back of his neck. The man made a conscious effort not to stare, though now that he could see your face it was becoming even more difficult. A cute face to go with a nice ass. A blush dusted his cheeks. Hopefully covered by the sun kissed pigment of his skin.
God willing.
“Uh sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you.” He lifted his hand not currently on the back of his neck, pointing to the house to his left, the one with the magnolia tree. “M’name’s Mike Zacharias, I live next door.” He put on a smile though it was no less sheepish than his previous expression. “I hadn’t had the chance to introduce myself yet.” He was thankful to have a cover up to his staring.
You paused for a long moment, the gears in your head almost audible—then recognition flashed over your face. Part of you was trying to recall the conversation you’d had with Della on move in day, the other part was mesmerized by the husky voice.
The sudden brightness that filled in your eyes when you smiled had Mike’s heart in his throat.
“Oh! Yes,” Pulling yourself up to standing, you rubbed your palms together to brush off the dirt and then pulled off one of your gardening gloves, extending a clean hand to him. “I’m [y/n] [l/n]. It’s nice to meet you.” You were extremely eager to make a good impression on your neighbors. You thought you had done a pretty good job with Della—though her cookie offering had done most of the work for you. It was imperative you get along with Mike and his partner. After all, you’d gotten very lucky with most of your neighbors throughout your life. Most of that was due to your parents. Your mother was friendly, polite, and warm. Your father was boisterous, funny, and generous. You strived to offer the same mix to your neighbors and have a good relationship.
You had seen enough episodes of “Fear Thy Neighbor” to understand that a poor relationship on either side of you could wreck an otherwise comfortable home life.
Of course, “Fear Thy Neighbor” was the most dramatic of examples often leading to violence and murder.
You should probably stop watching the ID channel.
Stick to the stupid reality shows.
Mike swallowed thickly, the dusted pink in his cheeks brightening. His large palm engulfed yours and it was as if his blush traveled from his face, down his arm, through your hands and up to your own cheeks. His hand was huge, it practically swallowed yours. Your palm was completely swaddled by the deceptively gentle squeeze of a rough hand, slight calluses made firm by some sort of labor you couldn’t name.
With your surprise having warn off from the initial contact you found yourself fully registering the man in front of you—
And holy shit if your brain didn’t almost immediately short circuit again.
First of all, he was a giant. Already established—but something you didn’t truly comprehend until you’d stood and fully approached him from your botany project. If you dug the hole you were working on a little deeper, you were pretty sure you could plant Mike up to his knees and he’d continue growing into the tree he so clearly was.
Second of all there was his face which was generously exposed by his tied back dark blond hair. Hazelly-green eyes, pronounced nose—that fit him perfectly, and a strong jaw lightly bearded along it as well as his upper lip.
Your eyes followed the curve of his jaw down his neck, past his broad shoulders and onto a sparsely haired chest just where his defined pectorals met. If you followed the path from his chest down to his toned stomach, which you absolutely did, you found the same light etching of hair extending from his navel down to his—
Your eyes quickly darted back up to his face, your own heating up substantially as your hands all too soon disconnected.  
Mike placed his hands on his hips which served to flex his strong arms and momentarily distract you again.
If you could have slapped yourself subtly, you would have done so. But with those hazel eyes boring into you, you settled for mentally berating your thirst. ‘Get it together woman. He’s taken… and gay.’ But gay came second to taken. It was important to respect a preexisting relationship. It was important to respect sexuality too.
But—
You could look, right? No harm in looking. That’s why people went to museums. To drool over the Statue of David.
That throaty voice pulled you back to focus. “So, is it just you?” If you weren’t completely sure that the man in front of you was gay, the question would have sounded hopeful.
He must have just been asking so he could introduce himself to any other potential newcomers.
“Yep just me. It’s my first house.” He didn’t ask for that second part, but you were proud. You were proud of having your own home and doing so alone. You didn’t have to depend on anyone to get to this important step in your life. That wasn’t something many people could say. You weren’t trying to brag—it was just that residual excitement of having achieved one of your life goals.
Mike to his credit seemed excited for you. His eyebrows raised, as if impressed. Buying a home was getting harder and harder for every generation. Though he didn’t seem too much older than you. Probably in his early 30’s. Even if he were ten years older than you that would be a generational gap and that meant the struggles to find a home were different between the two of you. However, you didn’t think he could be that much older than you considering you were in the later part of your 20’s. 30’s seeming to creep ever closer. But seeing Mike reminded you that your 30’s didn’t make you old in the slightest. The more you looked at Mike, the better your 30’s looked. Because fuck if Mike wasn’t fine as hell.
You were thinking too far ahead again, this time years.
To pull yourself from your spinning thoughts, you looked back at Mike’s face. The smile momentarily dazed you. Because of course he would also have perfect teeth. “Congratulations, that’s wonderful.” He murmured, looking to your house for a moment and then back at you. The house was rather large for one person. “No significant other chomping at the bit to invade your space yet?” The tone was teasing, and you managed a laugh which dispelled your previously spiraling thoughts. God, sometimes you didn’t even notice when they were spiraling.
Mike seemed interested in your relationship status. It put little butterflies in your stomach which were squashed when you looked down at yourself. Even if Mike were interested in females, why would he be interested in you?
You growled internally at those disparaging thoughts to shut the fuck up. You counted to three in your head, a brief distraction from those thoughts used to ground you in the present.
Normally, you preferred your longer methods of distraction, like your colors. However, those weren’t feasible when in the middle of a conversation with your hot neighbor.
“Nope, no boyfriend or anything. Just me and maybe a dog or a cat at some point.” You grinned at the idea, reminding yourself that now that you had your own home no one could tell you if you could have a pet or not. No landlord, no parent, no roommate—no permission needed.
The twinkle in Mike’s eye was easily missed. “My votes’ for a cat,” he murmured offhandedly.
“Not a dog fan?” You asked playfully. Though maybe he was worried about you having a yappy dog that he would have to listen to all day. Understandable.
“No, I like dogs too,” Did his voice get a little deeper? “Just always been fond of kittens.” His eyes slid over you, a smile tugging at his lips that made your blush from earlier give an encore performance.
‘Taken. And. Gay.’ You reminded yourself, willing the blush to dissipate and scolding yourself for reading too much into his gaze. Schooling your expression with the same friendly smile you’d given Della; you nodded your head. “Well I’ll just have to drag you along when I adopt one, then you can play with some pussy.”
Oh lord.
That was a Freudian slip if there ever was one.
You felt your face go hot and resisted the overwhelming compulsion to connect your palm to your forehead. Inappropriate joke for a first meeting—for sure.
Mike’s eyes flashed with something you couldn’t name, his tongue darting out to wet his lips. “I’ll take you up on that,” he grinned, and the expression was playful, putting you a bit more at ease. “It’s been far too long since I’ve played with a cute pussy.”
Your thighs squeezed together. Unnoticeably, you prayed.
Mike must have been messing with your somewhat unintentional word choice. Though you were happy that Mike seemed to be the lighthearted type. You could see yourself forming a friendship with the man. Hopefully, his boyfriend (husband?) was half as laid back.
You also hopped his partner was half as sexy.
Because if he was just as sexy as Mike, you were going to suffer a heat stroke.
The giant grinned, tilting his head to gesture to his home. “I gotta get ready for work.” Was it your imagination or did he look a bit reluctant? His grin was back in place too soon to really tell. You nodded your head politely with a little wave just before he turned away.
“It was nice to meet you.” You called, getting back on your knees next to the little pit you’d dug for your shrub.
The blond looked over his strong shoulder as he made his way down the sidewalk and threw you a very obvious wink. “Catch ya later, kitten.” He replied before he rounded his driveway and walked up to his front door, giving you one more glance and disappearing inside the much larger home.
Blinking, you sat frozen for a few moments before your eyes drifted to the hole beside you. Maybe if you dug it a bit deeper you could bury yourself in it.
Because Mike was surely going to be the death of you.
-
When Mike got back into the house, he had to lean against the door, tilting his head back to let the cooling air of the AC drench his heated skin. Though at this point the heat was less from his run and more from the cute new neighbor. It took everything in his power not to pin you to the dirt right there. He let out a little groan, hardly audible.
But just audible enough.
A voice, smooth as honey called from around the corner. “Mike? You alright?”
Mike hummed an affirmative and pushed himself off the door to make his way to the kitchen where the voice was coming from. If he didn’t answer right away, he knew the male would come searching for him and instantly begin to drill him on his mental state. There was no need for that.
His mental state was good. Very good this morning.
His large palm came up to slide over the marble of the kitchen island as he bypassed it to get to the fridge, sticking his head in for longer than necessary to retrieve a water bottle. A soft crack filled the room as he twisted the cap, breaking the seal as he turned to face the kitchen table. Two sets of eyes peered over at him. One set a bright blue; the color of the ocean, the other a stormy grey sky.
The honey voice spoke again, the blue eyes having been peering behind a newspaper completely revealed by its placement on the table. “Good run I take it?”
“Looks a little too happy about a run, Erwin.” The stormy eyed male murmured from behind a teacup held at the rim.
Mike smirked a little. Levi always was perceptive. They both were. But Levi noticed subtleties far more quickly than Erwin did. “I met our new neighbor.” He brought the opening of the bottle to his lips, letting the chilled liquid sooth his throat of the dryness from his run.
“Oh?” Erwin asked, leaning back in his seat and tilting his head back as a silent hint for Mike to lean down to him. Levi was good at noticing subtleties, but Mike was good at reading hints. He leaned down and pressed his lips to Erwin’s, his own cool and water glazed compared to Erwin’s soft and warm ones. “Mm hm,” He confirmed while righting himself. “And Levi,” Mike moved to the other side of the table, tilting Levi’s head back with a fingertip to direct his gaze to him which had been glued upon the novel in his left hand. The ravenette looked up from his book with the giant’s prompting, gaze aloof and seemingly disinterested. However, the look in Mike’s eyes gave him pause.
Since Mike knew Levi, really knew him, he noticed the curiosity lingering behind that seemingly blank expression.
Mike pecked his lips to the shorter male’s, whispering against them. “She’d be perfect.”
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webullreview · 3 years
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Latest webull review [2021]: Starting with a $1 investment.
Latest webull review [2021]: Starting with a $1 investment.
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annqbthchse · 4 years
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SGE x Cheesy Christmas Au
Except this time I actually post it :0
Camelot's hosting this fundraiser to raise funds for the castle/kingdom - it's generally a joyous occasion and one of the only nights of the year that  Arthur is sober - which is why he thinks that tonight is the best night to tell Tedros that the royal court has decided that he and the Lady Sophie are to be married
Tedros is very confused because although he's made threats about getting him married before to make him learn a lesson he never took it seriously before
Both are surprised and don't take it very well - tedros decides to try to increase his confidence with a few drinks while Sophie tries to hide from her mother whose just a bit too pleased at this proposed union
Tedros just basically says fuck it and decides to confront his father
Arthur tells Tedros that he's getting older and doesn't fully trust Tedros to be able to help the kingdom and Sophie is a lovely woman of whom the people love and that will only help Tedros’ reputation as future king and make the people of Camelot feel more secure in their future leadership
It's not like Tedros hasn’t heard this from him before it just hits a little different hearing it from him sober
So Tedros, mildly confident on some alcohol makes his father an offer: He’ll give the speech at Christmas eve and show all the dignitaries that he can prove he’s capable and knows things and that he doesn’t need an arranged marriage to do that or he’ll do what he says and marry Sophie. Arthur reluctantly agrees
To then digest everything that's happened and freak out a little in private he goes into the kitchens, where a certain waitress was just taking her break
Agathas just chilling - eating some cake
Tedros can keep it together at this point - the weight of what he's just agreed to finally catching up with him and he just has to expel all his feelings about how he's the cliched family disappointment etc.
He knows that he definitely should not be talking about it but he is slightly drunk + the cute girl seems friendly enough so why the fuck not He's just talking about how his fathers right and that although he tries and wants to he doesn’t know shit about Camelots economy or political relations that much (it was easy to get out of lessons all he had to do was bring up his mother and then he could do whatever he wanted for the rest of the day)
Anyway so that's when Agatha mildly laughs while eating her cake about her, unfortunately, knows a bit about that and Tedros has a big brain moment - he’ll just get this random girl that he met barely 30mins ago to teach him things he definitely should already know
Agathas not interested until Tedros offers to pay her a very generous amount for her knowledge and suddenly she's thinking of her student loans and how this way she’ll be using her degree + he seems in desperate need of a friend or at least someone so she agrees.
Meanwhile, Sophie is also thinking of a way to get out of her marriage. Her mother would never let her back out of such a lucrative deal so the only way of it is for tedros to decline. Which from what she overheard from the very intense conversation with his father, will only happen if he can get his shit together before Christmas eve.
Although she loves him she's a little apprehensive - this is the same man who can’t play Go Fish without cheating
So, Sophies concocting all these overcomplicated scenarios in her head so she doesn’t notice when she bumps into something or rather a someone causing her brand new Sophie bumps into Nicola causing her to spill some drinks on her brand new dress
She's pissed and insists that Nicola apologies, but Nicola keeps saying although she is sorry for spilling the drinks, Sophie did bump into her which gets Sophie so unbelievably riled up  and she has now decided that she hates her
Tedros thinks it would be best for them to study in an old abandoned guest house - no one else goes there -and Tedros doesn't want his father to find out because he thinks it would be very embarrassing
They study and have some delightful lighthearted banter all while Tedros is overwhelmed by the amount of information he doesn’t know
One time he makes a very bad joke but she laughs anyway and  he’s friozen - he likes how real and raw it is - how it makes him feel as if he’s finally earned something and just basks in it for a while before Agatha hits him with one of her thick books to get his attention back
She starts to understand him more and more - That maybe he’s just someone trying to do his best in a very complicated situation. He wants to help and make his people and father proud it's just that if he thinks too much about it he gets stressed and makes some dumb decisions
Meanwhile every time Nicola drops Agatha she happens to run into Sophie always coming back from some shopping date or salon appointment - Sophie is pissed every single time and they have a witty back and forth banter - something that Nicola secretly gets excited for every time - it adds a little excitement to her day
During one of their very last sessions theres a very strong blizzard going on and because of that and the fact that the gas heater isn’t working they light the fire and decide that they have no other choice but to sit close together (basically cuddle) near the fire
After a few failed attempts to get back onto topic, they find a pack of cards and decide to just fuck it and play Go Fish - Tedros starts to cheat, Agatha calls him out on it and then suddenly they’re arguing and laughing and doing everything except what they're supposed to.
Suddenly Agatha's toppled on top of him and it gets very quiet. Tedros can’t help but notice how pretty her eyes are and it pains her to not run her fingers through his golden hair. They’re close enough o all one of them has to do is just lean in ...but then prince dumbass ruins it by choosing that exact moment to reveal that he’s kinda engaged to be engaged. It hurts and she’s not entirely sure why. But then they hear the sound of a car honking and Agatha gathers all her stuff while Tedros is trying to explain everything but doing a shit job
Meanwhile, Sophie has just left the palace after a particularly nasty argument with her mother in which her perfect little daughter told her to fuck the right off so she takes her car and drives off - however the snow is starting to get heavier and heavier and Sophie - royalty of course - isn’t used to driving in general but especially in these conditions accidentally crashes her car in the middle of a snowbank
Nicola is driving back from dropping Agatha when she sees Sophie stranded in the snow. Against all better judgement, she decides to pull over to offer her a ride
Sophie swiftly declines due to her pride but then remembers that she if she doesn't she may die so eventually she gets into the car
So, Nicola asks here where she wants to be dropped but that's when Sophie realises that she doesn’t have anywhere else to go so instead of returning to the palace she decides to go wherever the fuck Nicola was planning - which turns out to be her second job at her father's pub - Nics a bit hesitant to take her because it doesn't seem like her scene but Sophie refuses to leave and she thinks she there's a possibility that if she pushes her out of her car she may be arrested so she gives in and off they go on their merry way
They arrive at the pub and Sophie immediately starts to regret her decision but a few drinks later and some help from Nics very kind daily she's now having a great time - she’s swinging by tables, talking to strangers, singing out loud (and offkey) to the music - she's having genuine fun - something she hasn’t felt in god knows how long
Nicola is just watching in amusement and complete disbelief that this is the same girl who yelled at her just over a month before - she gets Sophie to sit near her while she's cleaning the bar and they have a delightful conversation about everything but also nothing
Nicola realises it's getting close to the time where she has to pick Agatha up and Sophies ready to go home
In the car they have a much deeper conversation - Nicola asks why Sophie was in the snow (a topic she had long evaded the entire night) and she finally tells her about her complicated relationship with her mother and although she loves Tedros it’s the kind of love you have for your gay younger brother and that she DEFINITELY doesn’t want to marry him
Nicola tells Sophie about her own complicated family history and why she works two jobs - she tells her about her sickly father, her greedy brothers and her dead mother
And then suddenly they arrive at the pickup place and amid all the intense emotional talk - they’re very close - a second goes by before they both lean in and start making out
Until Sophie realises what she's doing and panics and honks the horn she's now running out the car into the palace
Agatha enters the car and their both reeling from the events of the past few hours The silence eventually becomes suffocating and neither can help it - they both completely unload to each other about what just happened and fuck they realise how much they
Tedros enters Sophie's room late at night and can't stop gushing about how smart, funny and oh so pretty Agatha is and how he completely just fucked it up - why didn’t he just tell her everything from the start and they wouldn’t be in this situation
Sophie then can't help but also gush about Nicola and how pretty her eyes are and soft her skin is and how she just felt so free and in control of her own life for the very first time and that's when they both realise how whipped they are
In an attempt to forget how he may have fucked up his chance with the first girl he's ever liked he chooses to write his speech Sophie sends an invite to the royal Christmas party to Agatha with a letter explaining everything because she knows Tedros wouldn’t. Tedros does the same for Nicola
During the ball, Sophie is surprised to see Nicola there but one look at Tedros and she knows that as much as she hates it she’ll have to give him a big thanks later.
She uses Tedros’ speech as a distraction to drag her away
They end up standing in front of a huge hallway in the middle of the hallway overlooking the frozen lake and snow-covered trees
Sophie explains why she panicked - at fisrst she thought it was just a mistake with all the rufh of adreneline and everything but after talknig with Tedros she realied it wasn't a mistake but rather something that  had wanted for a while but denied herself in the name of duty -  At this point, they're grasping each others' hands and as they stare into each other's eyes - snow starts to fall - they glance outside, share a smile and kiss
They make it back in time to watch as Agatha and Tedros go into the palace courtyard
Tedros then gives the annual speech - and oh shit does he do so well. His speech is relevant and uses the correct terminology all while being 100% genuine and shows just how passionate, he looks so strong and determined - like a king - and everyone is in awe
Right before he’s about to finish his speech he spots her and she's giving him the proudest smile
After the speech, Tedros and his father have this big emotional talk where he's basically like “dad I don’t want to marry the lesbian” and that he doesn’t need someone else to validate his rule and competency - Arthurs just like “ok” - Tedros’s speech proved to him that he is fully capable of running the kingdom and the change he’s seen in him this past month has also proved just that
Agatha goes to congratulate him and he leads her outside - she explains why how she's there and tells him that if he just told her that from the start it would’ve been fine - he goes all moony-eyed and they start to feel the snow and it's just the perfect moment and they kiss.
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financemaster1 · 2 years
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