#leaving the details vague bc this is a public blog but yeah

[cosalphonse]

this is the first time i've gone more than like a day or two without posting since i made this blog in 2019 and it's only because i went through the literal worst case scenario and lost the most important person in my life very suddenly at one of the worst possible times it could've happened. it took apocalyptic levels of trauma and grief for me to finally stop fmaposting

[karanoid]

about top joe discord

LET ME ADDRESS A FEW POINTS:

There has been many fear and anxiety regardless the top!joe discord I made. I understand how it gives my discord a bad reputation. Somebody has kindly reached out to me to ask me addressing several points, which I’m now gonna clarify:

1. I am racist, I asked why, and they said mostly because of my dismissive behavior to people who called me out for drawing yusuf adorned in gold jewelry which made their friends feel unsafe. So, I am a muslim and was raised in a muslim household and community. I am fucking brown.

I didn’t say it because you don’t need to know that about me. What bothers me is how some people feel the need to come to my inbox informing me “maam yusuf is a religious muslim who prays 5 times a day and do all the supplementary prayers all while he drinks alcohol and fuck nicky in the dailies, he wouldnt be wearing gold maam no maam.” as if I didn’t know any better. so please, now don’t do that. If you care so much about the littlest details like wearing gold then you’ll also call out yusuf because he draws living beings and drinks champagne. yes it’s true muslim men are forbidden from wearing gold AND silk but let’s not forget, nothing in the comic and movies imply yusuf has ever been religious. It’s easier to see nicolo as religious because he was a fucking priest. Yusuf was a fucking merchant, it’s easy to see that he’d be less faithful because he would have been travelling and seen many kind of people to broaden his horizons and not contained to a little bubble of hyper religious community. However, let me remind you: whether yusuf AND nicolo are religious or not is entirely UP TO THE AUTHOR/ARTIST. It’s totally fine to make him religious and if you can respect it THATS GREAT, I ALSO LIKE HIM THAT WAY, but please remember it’s not even canon and hey sometimes I just draw things because I like the aesthetics. Also please, do not harass writers for getting a thing or two incorrect, even white people cannot get christianity correct, even between two muslims could be a disagreement whether this fic’s yusuf is problematic or not. I wouldn’t even expect anything more and THAT’S OKAY. Just don’t be an ass to muslims of color in real life and don’t fall into the believe that it’s a religion of violence. you can say that greg made him that way bc he knew nothing better but hey, I have no problem with that. again, it’s fine to make him religious, I’d be delighted but it’s ALSO fine to make him not religious.

2. I think that people only write Top!Nicky out of political correctness. OKAY. I apologize for this. I thought like this because I have accounts telling me that they were pressured into writing top!nicky or they wanted more readerships so I make a BIG assumption. I realized this is only a small part of switch and top!nicky fics and the big bulk of this must be out of genuine care. So yeah, I apologize for thinking that people only write top!nicky out of political correctness. I think writers should be allowed to write whatever they want. Yes this includes top!Nicky. And in whatever kinks they want it. However, this still doesn’t change that the discourses do scare people away from writing top!joe. Write top!nicky however you want, but stop vague-blogging about top!joe. racism isn’t inherent to top!joe and you can always remind people to be mindful with their writings but discouraging people from writing top!joe is not the solution. 

3. Top!joe is racist and people in the discord are racist. Okay, I am gonna touch several aspects why top!joe discord is considered racist: (1) because I don’t like to switch them, therefore I am racist. Sorry that’s not how it works. I have a clear preference and that’s just how I roll. Besides, a lot of people in the discord (including me) think either they switch (because they are 900 yo) or joe just doesn’t like bottoming. I’m not the kind of people who refers to reality for fiction I consume but people who prefer to top or to bottom exist (2) i want to be away from accountability and responsibility. Nope. The reason I made it is because I wanted to gather people with same interest as mine. 

4. I paint Yusuf as aggressive and the whole discord like him being an aggressive top. I think this is the only reason why the discord is seen in a negative light. Because wow what a coincidence that someone vagueblogged my discord at the day I celebrated about Nicky suggesting 20 years and wrote a post about how Joe is allowed to be angry. And beside someone made the WRONG assumption that we are focusing on Joe’s anger and violence (what). Okay, I don’t know how to break this down. But I will try. First, yes I was overjoyed at the news. Because I’m one of the people that do not like feral!nicky headcanon. I liked it at first bc it was funny but then it was twisted into Nicky being cold. So I don’t like it (lol), I still like it though but like I don’t seriously think that way. However, I never liked the idea that Nicky suggested higher than Joe. Because then his character just doesn’t click with me, there was a cognitive dissonance for me because joe clearly says nicky’s heart overflows kindness, you can see nicky as a medic in the credit montage. Also, from their body language and from the way the movie set em up, I think Joe is the one who suggested higher and I am glad to be proven right. Second, I did write a post about how Joe is allowed to be angry at Booker. People agreed with me, so I was not alone. But the reason I wrote that post is not because I wanted to paint yusuf as aggressive, but because I’m tired at people who think Joe shouldn’t display any negative emotions. I think it’s out of character. I do NOT think Joe is aggressive. That is NOT his wholeass personality. If you looked at my tog art tag, never once I portrayed Joe as anything aggressive. If I do, please show me. Third, people are conflating this with my post where I reblogged with a comment that implies aggressive Joe isn’t racism. Okay in this, the context is IN BED. It’s Joe being aggressive in BED. It’s literally BED ROLES AND FANTASY. I don’t even have a particular scenario in my head when I reblogged that, the original post clearly refers to bed roles with manhandling and kinks etc. like, why would you spank someone in public? Lastly, about the discord, NOPE, most people in the discord agree that Joe is either a GENTLE DOM or SERVICE TOP. But in my opinion, if someone likes Joe as an aggressive top (again, bed roles baby) I really don’t think it’s racism. It’s just... projection? 

anyway, back to joe’s emotions, these are posts from a moroccan man (paragraph #7) and a brown woman whose posts I agree with. Let’s be real, people of color are expected to shut up in favor of white people’s fragile feelings.

Now, about racism in fandom. I understand the concern because muslim men are painted as violent and aggressive. You know what I will never forgive those radicals for taking away innocents lives and to leave a lasting damage in how muslims are perceived in the west. However, you have to keep in mind, Joe in the movie is far from being stereotyped. I mean, Gina and Marwan practically greenlit him? Now, you might have concerns that writers are gonna turn him into a walking stereotype which is... okay, I understand that concern. But the solution is to communicate this ‘hey I think you make him too stereotypical in this etc etc’ not “write more top!nicky AND shame top!joe” because again, top!joe is not inherently racist.

also some people mentioned that they hope I recognize racial bias in the ship. dude, that goes without saying, all aspects of your life will be influenced by racial biases. however, this kind of thing is not specific to fandom/shipping. Like I said I’m fucking brown, friends and families with facial features that cater to white expectation are treated better. I did say at the bottom of this post, yeah I did notice why it’s always a brown character who’s always openly mad. And that’s in itself a form of racial bias. Racial biases affect everyone, white or POC, it doesn’t matter. But I got an issue with how people think this is racism. like how convenient, if by falling to racial biases mean you are a racist then what about those white people who created this racial biases in the first place? and I noticed the persons who got the audacity to cry about everything in this fandom is white?? I mean okay, they don’t know what I am, but not everyone is comfortable with sharing their private information like ethnic group, faith, etc. what if they really don’t want to share it? Because like you said, racial bias, whether good or bad will affect me. Now, I don’t know what white people are feeling, I’m not white. However, based on my interactions with them. We’re all just people sharing same interest, it could be they fall into racial biases, but all we shared about are just regular HCs. Even people making a conscious effort to combat racial bias still in essence fall for racial bias. You just cannot escape it.

According to this post, fandom assumes that the bottom is the proxy of writers, I don’t think this is applicable to everyone but let’s just say it’s true and people tend to write about their projection better so I’m gonna assume the racism part comes from the fact that..yeah I do think the bottom usually gets more fleshed out as a result of them being the writers proxy, so somebody posted this in the discord which I agree because yes I do think there’s a lack about yusuf’s background especially when it comes to crusade era:

but since I know most writers aren’t muslims, to me it’s not so much about racism but they simply know nothing about it, and not always out of ignorance either but in this climate, if you get a thing or two wrong you’d get harassed. so *shrugs* I understand the reluctancy. But here’s the thing, this is not about top/bottom issue but because most of the fandom are white so they have more freedom in writing the white character. Anyway, plenty of people have projected themselves into yusuf already, the whole “top/bottom” thing in this fandom is not even a thing. Yes, some writers project on the bottom so if you prefer bottom!joe that’s fine, somebody in the discord is doing a research and it turned out top!joe wasn’t even a CLEAR majority in JULY. So clearly they got their share already?

so please, let’s stop with the vitriol. if people are preferring top!joe it’s clearly because of different preferences. it’s not that deep. it’s the same way with how some people are preferring top!nicky. But we’re being driven out based on a hypothetical scenarios? like what do you want? for us to cease existing??? don’t be ridiculous.

I know people won’t listen to me. So this is my suggestion: LETS JUST IGNORE THINGS YOU DON’T LIKE. LET’S ALL JUST AGREE TO DISAGREE. 

[fearducts-blog]

AN OPEN LETTER FROM EVERYONE I’VE EVER MET TO VULGAR / MORTEM.

I bet y’all thought my drama days were over, but surprise surprise, I have come “rinse crying” back to this fandom because, I understand, Vulgar. You found paradise in America, you had a good trade, you made a good living. The police protected you and there were courts of law. You didn’t need a friend like me. But, now you come to me, and you say: “kindly kiss my ass” But you don’t ask with respect. You don’t offer friendship. You don’t even think to call me Godfather. Instead, you come into my house on the day my daughter is to be married, and you make my friend cry in public because you follow bait her, publicly post about how much of a terrible person she and everyone else in this fandom is and then once again pinpoint the negative reputation you have built up for yourself on everyone but you.

I don’t know what her URLs are these days because frankly, in spite of what she will tell you, up until two days ago, I could not have given less of a shit if I tried, but going by the screenshots I’ve seen lately this post is going to concern: woshi-tuzi / twinblcdes / gelosiia / buside / baolii / puntirotti any other blogs run by Vulgar / Mortem. Not gonna lie, this is a long post, there’s a lot to go over here, and a lot of it’s going to seem like old, irrelevant, petty high school drama, because that’s exactly what it fucking is, but since Vulgar is still using drama from a year ago as her sword and shield to treat others badly, it’s long overdue that we did some good old fashioned air clearing.

I guess we’ll start with breaking down what tipped everything over the edge, this charming message that was sent to Elle; X. ( in reference to this hot vague, but we’ll get back to that later. )

“ WHAT MOMO AND IVY DID TO ME ”

We stopped talking to her, and blocked her after an argument that transpired in private — that’s it, that’s all we did. You can skip this section if you want to skip year old high school level drama, but if not...

It all happened because she guilt tripped me for taking over 10 minutes to reply... as it happens, I wasn’t replying to her because it was 3am where I was and I was fucking trying to sleep, not that the time difference matters because it was 10 minutes and not to be crude, but I could have been doing anything, I could have been taking a shit and that was apparently grounds for a guilt trip. And while I’ll admit, I could have handled it better, I’m really not here to be guilt tripped on account of not replying to someone because I’m asleep whenever they message me, because in spite of proclaiming me their “best friend”, after a month of me living in a UTC+8 timezone, they still haven’t clocked onto the fact that I’m working to a different schedule to them. So this exchange happened : X. ( call me a herpetologist bc I know you’re a snake, Vulgar, so before you say anything about the time stamps, these are your logs, not mine. ).

Anyway, you might think this has nothing to do with Ivy, and you’d be absolutely right, it doesn’t. But Vular went to her anyway and deliberately misrepresented the situation, now fortunately, not only am I a herpetologist, but I'm too, am a fucking snake, so knowing Vulgar was going to pull the same shit she did in the past where she came to me to bitch about close friends of mine following minor disputes, where whenever she had an argument with someone over skype she’d send me an MS Word version of the logs????? Before going back to bed, I straight up sent Ivy the chat logs in the immediate aftermath, I didn’t bitch about Vulgar, I just showed Ivy what happened, said I was a bit pissed off and that I wanted her to know what happened in case she was put in the middle.

Guess where she was put the very next day and who tried to put her there!! X, X, X, X. Ivy told Vulgar how things looked from an outsiders perspective and that she should apologize, she even told Vulgar how to go about doing it. And we’ve all done it, we’ve all had skype drama we’ve copy / pasted to a friend, but the thing is, Vulgar was deliberately twisting things here because by her own admission, she did not like that Ivy and I spoke to each other more than we did to her. What she likes to justify this with was “I just wanted a friend to lean on”, no you didn’t. Also, “the one time I needed it, she was so callous to me”, bullshit, you came to me every single day with a problem and I always helped you through it, I held your hand through the polycoria drama, like I cringe at the thought of this post but: X, you can’t say I was callous to you the one time you needed it, not when you posted this, not when every day in the run up to this, you came to me with a new issue about someones’ OC “cockblocking one of your ships” or someone not wanting to be mains with you.

Anyway!! Vulgar told Ivy she was going to apologize, and to the surprise of probably no one, did not. Sadly, I no longer have screenshots because I’ve since changed computers and honestly, I did not anticipate having to write this, I thought we had all agreed privately to just hate each other and move tf on, but... back to the point, in spite of her being walked through all this I still had to ask Vulgar to address how unfair she was. She might have counted finally doing so as an apology, I did not. Again, it had nothing to do with Ivy... but guess who got dragged into it anyway — again? So, we each wound up in arguments with her:

X, X, X

Vulgar apologized to me twice after this, I accepted neither apology, the first because I was hungover and I honestly and thankfully went to sleep forgot to reply. The second because, at that point it was so far in the past and her name had been kept out of both mine and Ivy’s mouths for so long, that I didn’t think it even begged addressing, I wanted to just avoid her tbh: X, X. “Look shady?” Yes. Because you sent this to me whilst still misrepresenting the entire situation to anyone who would listen, you were not sorry at all.

Ivy never got an apology in spite of being dragged into this petty bullshit against her will btw. And I think it’s pretty rich of Vulgar to claim we freely talked shit about her meanwhile sending out spicy skype messages like this about Ivy; X. Also post this vague; X, which just so happens to coincide with when Ivy refused to leave the fandom even after being stalked, harassed and having her art stolen; X

EDIT: Btw, that was really classy of you introducing me to Ivy and then privately messaging me to tell me “she’s nice but I’ll never forget she vagued about you”, then linking me to her supposed vague, like I want you guys to be friends but keep in mind not to get too close to her. Nice try Vulgar, what she posted were fucking Melanie Martinez lyrics, you played yourself. 

EDIT 2: Because wow, the shit just keeps coming out about you, doesn’t it?! I realize the irony of saying this in this post of all things, but it was really nice of you to go around telling people who were new to the fandom that I was the source of all the discomfort and drama, that I was such a horrible person who was only out to bully people and chase them away for no good reason while we were still, as you put it “best friends”, while at that stage the only drama I had been involved in was when you came to me and said you were scared and uncomfortable because of someone, you’re such a good friend Vulgar (: I really appreciate that thing you did where you tried to isolate me from everyone else in the fandom, to what fucking end?! 

“ WHAT HILAL DID TO ME ”

Imagine being 28 and so asshurt by what a teenager says about you on the internet ( ie. that you shipped underage incest at the age of 27, which you... you did, you literally did: X, X, X, X ) that you... lie to another teenager and get them to write a callout post in your stead so that you can personally avoid the backlash while still damaging the reputation of said person. If it sounds familiar, it’s because it’s exactly what Vulgar did: X , X , X , X, X.

Here’s an album of the exchange Hilal had with Mysteriia following that “call out”, note how they don’t deny who and what prompted them to make it, only dance around the topic: X.

Was Hilal in the wrong to name drop Vulgar in the first place? Yes, it shouldn’t have been brought into the public eye. However, he didn’t do it without reason and he told her that: X. He has since left her alone entirely.

So then there’s... the paedophilia drama, which we won’t go into too much detail about, but Vulgar, you participated in, you agreed with Hilal of your own volition, and then because it was no longer convenient for you to, you lied to Skitty about it to paint me and Hilal ( and for some reason Ivy who wasn’t even involved, nor even in the rp community at the time, as far as I’m aware? ) in a negative light to them: X,  X. Anyway, Hilal’s posts pertaining to this drama can be found here: X, X. It was pretty much all dash drama and it happened back in 2015, so a lot of it’s hard to dig up again, I know both Hilal and I spoke out of anger and there are a lot of things I’d do differently, so maybe I did inflame things, and if I did, I apologize. But Vulgar, I think that’s a pretty cheap thing of you to say considering I confided in you about being a CSA victim.

Also by the by, Hilal and Elle don’t even know each other, so Vulgar, you can drop the notion that we all meet up buck ass naked under every blood moon, rattling skulls and talking shit about you or whatever it is you claim is going on: X. Elle and Hilal have nothing to do with each other, funny how different people have different reasons to dislike you, almost as if you’ve done many things to hurt many people in this fandom...

Oh yeah, and:

[03:04:32] tumblr use pourir: can you say that i dropped all my fucking blogs bc of vulgar [03:04:52] tumblr use pourir: and that i had anxiety literally eating away at me for weeks because i felt i was off base

“ WHAT THEY ALL DID TO ME ”

Yeah, it sure is awful when people don’t buy into your pass agress posts and the fact that you blame all your problems on other people without taking a step back to look at how you’re treating people, isn’t it: X, X.

It’s really, truly terrible they ask you to tag something and you lose your fucking shit with them: X, X ( relevant links: 1, 2.). And again, it’s another situation where things could have been handled better from all sides, but Bellus apologized for what happened, you did not.

Heartbreaking, when you vague about them during their first week in the fandom because someone who isn’t you makes them a theme, and you passive aggressively throw ms paint quality graphics at them: X.

Completely and utterly devastating when another roleplayer blocks you and you then proceed to make them uncomfortable by repeatedly messaging them, following them on all your subsequent blogs, in spite of people literally telling you not to, and then when you’re ignored / blocked again, starting rumours that they have a crush on you and are blocking you to save their relationship until the point they get so uncomfortable they leave the fandom.

When you guilt trip someone on account of... not putting you in their follow forever??? Because they forgot??? They literally forgot??? Not like that happens with follow forevers is it??? X, X, X. Also when said person makes it publicly known that they’re feeling extremely low and would like to be left alone and you continue to pressure them into speaking to you: X, X.

Or when you do some good old fashioned general guilt tripping: X, X, X, X, X, X.

EDIT: let’s not forget, you’re notorious for pressuring people into ships, for getting asshurt and bitching about them when they don’t want to go exclusive with you or add you as a main. 

And you often fall back on telling people it’s because you have anxiety, that you can’t help but go off at people because of it. You know what, I have bpad and guess who and who alone is 100% accountable for my actions? That’s right, it’s me!! Just because you have anxiety does not mean it is a free pass to treat people badly, you are accountable for your own behaviour, you ought to apologize and do it sincerely, not because someone asks you to, not because you want to save your own skin.

“ REPEATEDLY. ”

At first I was just gonna say no to this and leave it at that. But I’m guessing this is in reference to people from the tg fandom following Vulgar on other blogs in other fandoms, so...

You can’t really argue that Hilal followed you to your bsd blog when you followed him first; X.

You can’t argue that Ivy followed you to the Naruto fandom either when you followed her; X.

And lastly, you can’t say Elle followed you to the fma fandom when again: X, you followed her first and then immediately posted this hot vague about her and everyone else in the tg fandom. And even at that, you followed her blog from your tg ones before; X. Which doesn’t exactly do anything to dispel the idea that you’re follow baiting, does it?

If this is in reference to how Ivy and I “freely talked shit about you”, we didn’t. A lot of people will vouch for the fact that they didn’t hear about anything that happened until your behaviour towards Elle catalyzed this post. 

“ HAD YOU BEEN UPFRONT WITH YOUR ALIAS ”

First and foremost, fam, change your container dimensions. Secondly, “you failed to read my rules”, okay cool, but again, you followed Elle first, she broke none of your rules by following you back, unaware of who you were, and if you wanted your rules read so desperately, it might’ve been a good shout to read idk... literally the first line of hers: X, like if rules are so important to you, you can’t claim ignorance here.

And for the record, Elle’s alias has never been hidden or changed, it’s in plain sight on all her other blogs, so as to how you pulled this argument out of your ass, idk: X, X, X, X. You knew exactly who you were following, she didn’t trick you. She made a simple mistake because, in fact, if anyone is deliberately hiding their alias, it’s you, isn’t it? Because you know: X, X, X, X.

These are the rules you claim she didn’t read / broke: X, X. Tell me how she broke them, I’ll tell you how you’re lying.

“ YOU WON’T DRIVE ME OUT OF ANOTHER FANDOM ”

Nobody was trying to do that. Nobody tried to drive you out of this fandom, we all left you alone. I don’t know how you leaped to this conclusion that this is what anyone was trying to do, based on the fact that somebody followed you by accident because you changed your alias to avoid the negative reputation which you created for yourself in this fandom.

But anyway, I said this to you when we had our dispute and I’ll say it again, you fly off the handle at the bat of an eyelash, without any consideration for anyone’s feelings but your own and you really, really hurt people because of it. If you want a clean slate, if you want to leave all of this behind you, then you owe a lot of people an apology. You’re not a blameless victim, you’re a sentient adult and it’s time to start behaving like one.