#let me branch out a bit without devastating consequences in peace!

[a-side-of-fries-with-extra-sauce]

aagh it's happened again! I spent a little to long looking at a youtube video that mildly interested me, and now my whole algorithm is ruined!

[zmayadw]

'Goodbye', but not 'the end'

- a Duskwood based (Jake x Mc) story - PART THREE (final part)

->PART ONE<- ->PART TWO<-

„Maybe not all goodbyes are the end – and that's what makes them good.“ - Gwendolyn Heasley

In the time that followed after she learned of his fate, Mc tried, and god how she tried hard, to survive day after day without falling apart. The process of trying to heal her shattered heart was no fun at all.

She would move around her apartment in daze, eyes swollen, wondering if the tears will ever stop. And in the rare moments when they did, she would break down and cry again over silly things, like spilled milk or a broken nail. She would force herself to eat, swallowing every bite with disgust and try to keep it from coming back. Night after night, she would toss and turn in her bed, just to be awakened by the same nightmare, with those cursed words echoing in her head long after it.

Those days quickly turned to weeks, weeks became months, and in the blink of an eye the seasons changed, too.

Then one morning, dragging herself tiredly through the apartment, she stopped at her window and stared through it in awe. She just stood there motionlessly not daring to blink, afraid that if she do, this breathtaking scene she was seeing would disappear on her. She situated herself dreamily on the window bench, and for the first time in months her shattered heart jolted in excitement, as her eyes once again got lost in the beauty of her cherry tree.

Its soft pinky-white blossoms were long gone, foliage in mesmerizing shades of red, orange and gold taking their place. They moved playfully with the wind, the sun illuminating them giving the illusion of a thousand tiny flames dancing before her eyes. She was hypnotized.

Her tree looked so vibrant, its grief over lost blossoms erased by this new emerged beauty. With that thought, she cried one last time, that thought stirring up a trace of hope in her, that maybe, just like her tree she, too, could feel alive again. And once again, the sight of her beautiful tree helped calm the restless spirits inside her, to make her pain begin to lessen, and allow for her shattered hear to slowly, but surely begin with the process of healing.

~~

Week after week, she began to feel better. The pain of his loss was still much present within her, but it was no longer unbearable or threatening to break her again. Each new day brought more peace to her restless mind, and she slowly returned to her usual routine. But there was an unexplainable and constant feeling deep inside that something was still holding her back, that there was something she still needed to do to really be able to move on with her life. But she couldn't quite figure it out.

~~

Walking back to her apartment from the store, Mc shivered. The fall was coming to its end, the branches of just recently colorful trees almost completly bare by now, and the hint of winter slowly creeping in was felt in the increasingly colder air. Impatiently waiting for the green light to cross the street, her gaze fell on the headline in the sports sections of the newspapers the man in front of her was holding. "Goodbye to another first division team" For some unknown reason, she lingered thoughtfuly on that first word, not realizing that the man started crossing the street.

„That's it!“ she suddenly exclaimed out loud, noticing the green light and hurrying across. That's what she needed, a goodbye. She never said a proper goodbye to him, and that's what was missing. She needed a definitive closure, the end, before she could truly move on. But how to do it? How was she suppose to say goodbye, when the person who she needed to say it wasn't here? How to do it meaningfully, so it won't just seem like empty words spoken into the wind? As if hearing her thoughts, the wind whistled in her ear, making her tuck her hands deep inside her pockets and quicken her steps.

When she reached her apartment, she was still contemplating on how to do it. And when the evening came, she was still completely clueless. And frustrated. How hard can this be? she thought, sitting down on a sofa with a heavy sigh. She got up again, pacing frustratedly around the room. She suddenly stopped, turning around and hastily moving to her desk. She sat down opening the drawer, and with a shaky hand took out her light green letter writing set.

Emotions stirred up in her, thinking of all those letters she wrote before. All the feelings she poured out in them resurfaced back, but exactly because of that the idea of writing one more letter, one last letter to say her goodbye with it, appealed to her more and more.

And so she decided to do it. At least she tried. She started with the letter so manny times, but each time after writting just a few lines she would crumple the paper in frustration throwing it on the floor. And after a while, she ended up just staring numbly at the blank paper in front of her.

Suddenly it dawned to her why she was struggling with this so much. She was doing it wrong all this time, constantly trying to write down something that was completely unneccessery. Shaking her head she chuckled to herself and reached for her pen. At the end, she wrote down just three words, before neatly folding the paper and placing it inside the envelope.

She began to feel lighter looking at the envelope in front of her, as if some invisible weight was finaly lifted from her shoulders. The pain was still there deep inside her, and some tiny piece of it will probably stay there forever. But she was happy, managing to find a way for the end she needed to move on. And she found her perfect ending right there at the beginning of it all.

----------------------

„Oh come on, Nym, don't look at me like that! I'm not doing anything wrong here!“ A little black pup tilted his head sideways as a young man spoke to him. „And besides“ he started again raising his eyebrow at the pup „Didn't we agree at keeping an eye on her? Just out of precaution?“ The pup barked in response, happily wagging his tail. „Mhm, I thought so.“ he said smiling and scratched Nym behind the ear. He turned his head back to his laptop, to a live feed from a CCTV camera on it. The smile slowly left his face, looking at the girl sitting at the window table of a coffee shop.

The reality of not being able to be close to her and hear her voice, to move a loose strand of hair behind her ear, or not being able to feel her warm touch on his skin, or savour in the sweet taste of her lips – the reality of it all hit Jake hard as he watched her, he hasn't noticed when the tears started falling down his face. The little pup suddenly jumped at him, calling for his attention. He looked at the pup with teary eyes, lifting him onto his lap. „Don't worry, Nym, I'll be all right.“ He hugged the pup, his little muzzle finding its way to his face licking at the tears. He closed his eyes with a chuckle „All right, all right, I get the hint, Nym. No more crying, I promise.“ The pup licked at his face few more times, then jumped from his lap running off, happily wagging his tail. Shaking his head after him, her turned back to his laptop.

Mc was now in a company of a friend. And after so long, her face was finally smiling, the trace of agony of the past events nowhere to be seen. After what he put her through, seeing her like this made him a little bit relieved. But that devastating pain he felt when he decided to fake his death, and knowing the effect it will have on her with the cognition of it, was still much present at him. But it was crucial for her to belive in it, to truly belive in what happened to him. He couldn't risk the tiniest possibility for her to know anything about it, then all of this would be in vain. Like this, with time, they will leave her completely at peace and she will be safe again, her life returning to normal.

His gaze then turned to the light green envelope lying on the desk next to his laptop. It was the last letter she sent, the one that contained only three words, but those words were the saddest and most painful ones he ever read. Nym suddenly barked next to him, Jake turning to look at him. The little pup had his leash in his muzzle, impatiently pacing in the spot. „All right, Nym, lets go.“ He said with a chuckle, taking the leash from the pup. „I did promise you we'll go explore our new place of stay.“ Nym barked excitedly before rushing out through the doors leading to the yard of their new place. Jake got up, glancing once more at the envelope on the desk. 'Goodbye, my love.' That was written on the paper inside it. Just three words, but they were more than enough to break ones heart.

Stepping outside, Jake welcomed the warmth of a winter's sun hitting at his face. Nym was eagerly waiting for him, wagging his tail so fast from the excitement upon seeing him, scattering snow all around him. He started walking towards him, and even though the pain in him was going strong, he couldn't stop a mischievous smile coming to his face. Ofcourse, the consequences of what he have done are no joke, nothing to laugh about there, and saying goodbye is never an easy thing to do. But then again, if you really think about it, some 'goodbyes' don't mean 'the end', you know?