#lets add Roger as I need more serotonin

[melissa-leaf]

[botwstoriesandsuch]

casual anon checkup how you doin

Let’s see, well we just breached 4am, and the sense of urgency to complete some school work has finally kicked in. I got my laptop propped up on the kitchen counter, and I just finished making some houseblend coffee that I loaded with milo powder for “health” purposes. Gotta finish up this AP Stat quiz while pretending I have some semblance of what the hell is going on in the class that I don’t pay attention to. I got my fancy bluetooth headphones that I connect with the wire anyway because I don’t like using up the battery, and I’ve had this acoustic cover of Solitary Warrior Revali looped for a few minutes now--I need those soft vibes to distract me from my thoughts about how the only reason I’ve been so sluggish with my work overall is probably due to years of ingrained perfectionism and inability to adapt my standards to the currently circumstances of the world along with my slightly declining mental health so you know--music’s nice. 

Oh! And my dad got me this electric coaster (as pretentious as that sounds, I know. Leave me and my not-cold drinks alone ok) for the holidays and it matches with my favourite mug that I’m drinking from right now so, it’s the little things :3 Plus, not to derail myself from my school life intentionally, I’ve been working on this sheet music for one of my songs for a few weeks now and it’s starting to actually sounds pretty decent so yaay!! Probably won’t share it for a long time though...I’ve really been only working on it on and off again when I have “free time” [which may or may not just be my online class gym period hey you can’t prove anything to the cops]

Uhhh what else can I shove in here...”How you doin” pfft, I don’t really know how to make this ask funny or entertaining. Well I’ve nearly finished up this zine piece about the Royal Tech Lab so that’s fun (shameless plug for the Memorabillia Zine) aaand, I’m picking my kalimba again to learn Mipha’s theme. About time, cause I have to record shit for the [REDACTED] project I’m working on >:) heh. Oh fucking SHIT now that I think about it I have like three different secret projects I’m working on huh...haven’t even finish the script for that damn au...OK what it, right, “how am I doing” well, I’m doing everything and nothing currently, if that makes any sense. Your possible regrets about sending this to me aside, it feels good to just lay everything on a plate, shit out a post, and then never talk or acknowledge it ever again. It’s like birds, you know how they just take a ten pound shit in the mourning and never look back? (That way they don’t need to go during the rest of the day) That’s what this is, just a giant load of bullshit that I’m gonna set out at 5am and then never look at again. 

You know as unhealthy as it sounds I really do dedicate a lot of time to this blog and this fandom. I mean sure not all of it (arguably any of it) is productive, but hey it’s something. The fuck else am I gonna do with my time...you wake up, you slam your keyboard awake to show up to online class, you take a nap, you spend a few hours keeping up the cishetallo gifted student appearance to your parents and then spend the rest of your time finding enough serotonin on the internet to make your brain work. Hell if I’ve talked to another human being in real life all year. Even my parents just kinda talk about the news and “how was class” during dinner which lasts like 10 minutes. My dad just kinda pisses off to work as soon as breakfast is made, and my mom just kinda stays in her office until everyone’s back and she makes dinner. Wait, that’s a lie, she does talk to me on Sunday mornings when she informs me of how I’ve ruined her day before church. So you know I do prefer it that way anyhow, why the hell would I want to talk with them when I got perfectly entertaining internet companions. What’s a “what scholarship programs are you doing?” to a *checks notifications*, “why are Rito fingers like that if they molt to they just lose the ability to--” god fucking dammit...

So! What were we saying--how am I doing? Welp. Guess it’s up for interpretation cause I sure as hell don’t know the answer to that. The hell would you do with the answer anyway. Pity points, praise points? I don’t particularly care for either. God I just realized you introduced yourself as “casual anon,” HA....apologies this is the opposite of casual isn’t it. Or, well maybe it isn’t. I’m the one just having a nice little chitchat with myself as I sip through my mug o’ caffeine. I might have to add a keep reading bar to this so I don’t blog up the dash, but also that would be ironically humorous to see for such a stupidly small question huh. Idk, contrary to popular belief I don’t have a spine so I’m probably not gonna unload all this shit on my followers like that out of the blue. Hell I’d be surprised if I actually posted this. Then again...5am and vibin with bad decision making.....plus the sentiment of putting something out to be seen is always nice.

You ever watch Bojack Horseman? Fantastic show, it’s just on a whole ‘nother level when it comes to writing. And yeah, I probably should have been watching it in the first place, BUT.............yeah ok there’s real excuse I probably shouldn’t be watching it/have watched it. But there’s this one episode in Season 4 I think? It’s where Bojack gives a eulogy for his mother’s funeral and the entire episode is just that, it’s just this giant monologue of him giving his eulogy. And that episode always facinated me because it is probably the most interesting episode in the entire show and one of my favourites, and like...how did they do that?? How did they make twenty minutes of talking so engaging and entertaining? I mean, yeah, I could probably analyze the pacing and structure to find the answer, and hell if I’ve watch my share of youtube video essays on the subject. But like, just the entire concept that someone had the idea to make 20 minutes of talking an entire episode....that’s just insane (forgive the language). 

It’s one thing to want to talk about yourself for a long time and be interesting, but to pour all kinds of energy to make some made-up fictional character talk about THEMselves for a long period of time...is that sad? Or maybe it’s respectable. /to make an audience care more about something that’s not real rather than you. Well, perhaps that’s selfish thinking. 

Oh! You know what, I just got this super nice message from someone the other day about a Raybands giveaway. Obviously, I’m not in the need for sunglasses during this day and age so I kindly declined and ignore the offer, but it got me thinking: how liked to you have to be in order to sway someone to clicking a random link. Like I’m talking about your friends or something, but like, if you opened your door oneday and Mr. Rogers was there selling clementines, would you buy them? Or if Lin Manuel Miranda offered you a vaccum, would you buy it? What’s the standard of known niceness that constitutes to you complying with what they’re asking? I sure would like to know....not for manipulation purposes but just for...idk, just having that tangibility of something. 

Ah well, fuck me gently with a chainsaw how am i doing. Well I’ll tell you what I’m doing, I’m procrastinating. Procrastinating on work and wips and conversations and dilemmas. You don’t fail all the shots you don’t take afterall *wink wink* aaand for legal reasons that was a joke. Idk, you tell me how I’m doing, fuck if I know. According to this empty mug, I’m doing well, but I also will be doing a piss in the bathroom probably.

[hopevalegame]

January 13 2019

Robo-San update:

Today ended up being a day of strategizing. No pixels or music was made but that’s okay. I think it was more productive than if I’d been doing those.

- I got out of bed at 14:05. I was feeling too sick  earlier on (light fever, nausea, stomach pains). Probably side effects of probiotics (on day 6). I expect I’ll start to feel better pretty soon once I’ve gotten used to them.

- I ate oatmeal cookies that Robo-chan made the night before. Took a bath.

- I read about probiotics, diet and the gut brain connection for a while. Pondered on the fact that 90 % of our bodies serotonin is produced in the stomach by bacteria. Since I so often feel strong feelings of anxiety for no obvious reasons, this is really something I will have to fully investigate in 2019. Even if the probiotics end up not helping me out, I want to keep experimenting through the year until I find a definitive solution to both the stomach pains and the anxiety. The likelihood that they could both be solved at once seems... likely.

- 17:00: Ate my second meal (oatmeal) , cleaned out the fridge and washed dishes.

-18:20: Listening to the book ‘’Hyperfocus’’ with Robo-chan

-19:30: Food! (Cereals (getting a little lazy with the cooking which I suppose is fine while I’m getting used to the pill. Every meal no matter how healthy ends in pain anyhow, so...)). Broke a third commitment for the day right there by eating too late (the first one was waking up too late, second getting started too late) but this one doesn’t make much sense when I get to bed at 2 a.m I realized. I shouldn’t eat 4 hours before bed but anytime before is fair game.

20:00: Listening to Hyperfocus and exercise

_____________

Change of plans: Hyperfocus made me think about how, if I want to experience the state of flow more often, I should focus on one task through the day. Whichever task I consider to be the most urgent. It’s been my experience that my most productive days have been the ones where I truly just focused on one thing and was completely absorbed into it. So, yesterday I’d planned on doing three different things but I’m not doing that anymore. Everyday will either be a pixel day or a music day and it will be decided the day prior which it will be.

I definitely consider pixels to be the most urgent thing to get this project made so I’ll be doing quite a lot more pixel days than music days.

Hyperfocus also made me realize that I need to be more specific in my goals. So, I’m gonna start being specific right now and state my intentions for the next few months (over 6 months) concerning pixel art.

Music will require further thinking and I’ll be writing my musical intents at some point in one of the days to come.

Pixel goals for the first half of 2019. In order:

Note: I’m only sticking to autumn assets until everything is made for the first season of the game.

First -  Get very good at wood textures and make a tree stump and fallen log (one is a cylindrical shape and one is a cylindrical shape on its side (with moss and everything, add a rotten core, etc.)) and to make the tree stump as beautiful as possible: mushroom (little red mushrooms that pops out, mushrooms that only grow on dead trees, flowers, grasses (all things that can go on or around the tree stump). It’s hard to predict these things but I’ll say this should keep me busy for 2 weeks (I expect I’ll be slow at first then pick up speed).

Second - Once I've made the tree stump as close to perfection as I can, I will need to become an expert at leaves textures. Then I can make a bush. First I make fallen leaves, a pile of leaves, then I'll be ready to make the bush (spherical shape), make some berry bushes, all sorts of bushes. Let’s say this will take me 1 week.

Third - Once I've gotten great at both of those, I can start making trees. A tree is basically a log with a bush on top but I have to get really good at both of those elements to be able to combine them. Hope Vale will have LOTS of trees. Lots and lots of them of many different kinds and sizes. I will easily spend 8 weeks making all the trees for fall only.

Fourth - Once I've made the trees I’m going to move on to rocks. For this I'll have to get good at stone texture and get good at handling items with multiple shapes in the same object. I’ll give this 2 weeks.

Fifth - Then, and only then, will I start working on the tiles. Only the nature tiles for now, including sand and leaving the water tiles for last (not including the water animation, animations will start towards the very end). This doesn’t include height tiles Let’s give this one 4 weeks maybe.

Sixth - Then, I'll be making cliff and hill tiles to create heights. 1 week maybe?

Seventh - At this point, I can move on to making the peripheral forest which will fence off the north and west sides of Hope Vale and will have a different look than the game space to let the player know that these areas are off limits (darker, more overgrown, etc). I’ll estimate this at 4 weeks.

Eight - After this, I can create the bridges. The first bridge will be the entrance bridge to Hope Vale which will be made of stone and under which Roger Dodger will live. The second bridge will be made of logs and will be connecting Loon island to the mainland. 2 weeks

So, if my count is right, that would be how much I would accomplish in the next 6 months but I might have horribly low balled how much work all of this requires. I’m just a beginner so these estimates are shots in the dark really. But I suppose it’s better to shoot for the stars and land on the moon or... whatever the expression is.

I’ll continue on but I'll start being less precise now because there's not much point planning past 6 months when it comes to this sort of thing.

Ninth - Once all of that is made I will create my first building. It will be Clyde's house since it will be made of logs and I will have gotten very good at wood textures. 3 weeks for the first house seems fair.

Tenth - Then, to make the other houses, and trailers, I will need to practice metal textures. For this I will start with metal objects (I'll probably start with objects that would be laying around outside of Clyde's house (I'll be leaving the insides for much later). Non exhaustive list of objects (in no particular order yet) include: A bucket, a rake, barrels (on Lance Crutchfield's property and dumped in the lake), bells and wind chimes (Which I will animate and have them make noise eventually), metal fences, a shed (Clyde will have a metal shed), metal lighting devices, etc. Let’s give all of this (including the shed) 4 weeks I guess?

Eleventh - Once I've made enough metal objects I'll be ready to start doing all the other buildings. Let’s say 20 weeks.

Twelve- Once I've made all the buildings, I'll make every outside objects that I didn’t get to already. 2 weeks.

Thirteen - Then I can move on to the insides. 16 weeks.

Fourteen - Once I've made the insides, I can make every single one of the cutscene locations for fall (prison, interrogation room, etc). 4 weeks.

Fifteen -  Once that's done I can make the characters standing in every directions but not animated (including the animals). 12 weeks.

Sixteen - Then I can make the UI for the game, the inventory screen, the character convo boxes (minus the portraits obviously) etc. 3 weeks.

Seventeen - Then I can start working on simple animations (Bells, wind chimes, fire, leaves falling from tree, etc). Then move on to animate the water and the waterfalls etc. And finally, I can animate the characters. First their walking animations, then every other animation that we'll need including the animals. 1 year for all the animations.

Eighteen - And, for the very end, I'll create the assets for all other 3 seasons (winter, spring and finally summer). 24 weeks.

I've probably missed some things but that's essentially it. So, by my count, this adds up to 164 weeks which is 3 years and 2 months which sounds about right since we’re hoping to get this done in 4 years or so. I’ve probably overestimated some things and underestimated some (number eighteen I’m especially unsure about), but that doesn’t really matter. Better a bad plan than no plan at all.

And, of course, during that time I’ll also have made the music and the writing along with Robo-chan.  

Alright so my pixel goals for the next 6 months are established. I now know with a lot more clarity what to aim for.

So, for tomorrow’s goal, I’m dropping all the lifestyle crap for a little while for as long as I’m still in pain from the treatment. No getting up at x hour or eating at y or bed at z for the time being. My only goal for January 14th 2019 is:

Make 3 tree stumps. At least. And show your progress on this site. No matter how dreadfully bad you are.

That will be all.

I didn’t respect my plans today but what I did instead, thinking, was a lot better, I think. So I’m giving myself a passing grade for today. Because, thankfully, I’m the only arbiter here and no one, not even Robo-chan, can do anything to stop this mad lad right here, hehehe ;)

Today’s grade: 

6/10  ...   >:)

Robo-san signing off. Feeling particularly optimistic about life at this moment in time.

- Robo-san

Robo-chan update:

Once again a terrible night of sleep. Fell asleep around 5 am, slept until 8 waking up with nightmares and back to sleep again around 12 until 3 PM. Tonight I’ll be writing with Robo-san so I won’t break any of the rules.

The best day so far in terms of exercise. I’m really pumped up with how quickly I’ve improved my cardio and weight resistance exercises.

Tomorrow I intend to make it a really great day of work. Robo-san has me very pumped up with all the planning he’s been doing so now that I’m getting comfortable in my workout routine I think I’ll be able to go heavy and hard with work as well!

I just need a little bit of luck with sleep tonight.

- Robo-chan