#lia got *got* during the prison break

[mrpenguinpants]

Genshin: University AU [V1]

I love modern au. Or any “everything is fine, no one died, it’s just a fever dream” au. Half of me is thinking, damn maybe I should answer this serious- LOL HAHA no. That’s not happening. Time to crack my knuckles and let my brainworms take over again.

Once again, this is 90% crack 10% content. I want to switch up my characters from the last brainworm post but I included Kaeya and Diluc.

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Today’s appreciation post goes to twistedwishes. Hey! I’ve been seeing you pop up a lot lately and thanks for the support 💕💕 I hope things are going better for you and you’re doing alright^^ I feel kinda bad for making appreciation posts on crack fics but hopefully this is somewhat funny haha. 

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Genshin: Holding Hands [V1]

Genshin: When you’re cold [V1]

Genshin: Roommate [V1]

Genshin: Royalty AU [V1]

[Masterlist]

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[taglist]  <- if you want to be added, please read this first.

  @mikeysbike @hanniejji@unionwitch @musekala @twistedsunnshiii @stanzastic @akaasea @xoneaboveallx @adoring-ghost @asheseiler @childelover @dilucsz @dai-tsukki-desu @thicmitten @youaskedfurret @diaxfeliz @wintergreen-aix @dandelily @thegayrubberducky @lovelykittycatmeow @yuunoagivesmelife  @dokidokisama @simpygrimoire @minakohasmanyhusbandos @strwbrry-lia @tigerpriestess @yuu-yuukurotsuki​

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Diluc

Absolute pretty boy who has braincells, but only if Kaeya is not there. In his mind, Kaeya’s presence makes his room loose 40% of their common sense. He can’t prove it just yet but he’s working on it. He majors in accounting but also has a minor in marketing, logistics’ management, fia- he majors everything business related. He’s going to become the next Elon Musk through smarts or by getting the competition drunk. There can be no contest if he’s the only candidate. He’s actually a hard working guy that overworks and stresses way too much. You have daily “Diluc recharge” evenings where he just hangs onto you while you go through your day.

“Don’t fucking talk to me until I’ve had my coffee,” except there is no coffee - he drinks grape juice out of juice boxes and his only energy boost is when he meets up with you - and that’s his constant mood. So he usually only hangs around you and Jean, since she has childhood friend status and is actually an angel. By default, Lisa is added and Diluc doesn’t mind her but if he see’s Kaeya, it’s full on war paint mode. If he's not busy with work or studies, he's usually with you either in your dorm or his apartment.

He has a fanclub and he seriously hates it and tries to do everything in his power to get Ningguang to take it down. Shouldn’t this be against his rights? But she refuses for whatever reason and makes a whole speech about free will. No matter what he does, someone manages to take a picture and it get’s printed in the university’s newspaper. The only bonding time he has with Kaeya is every Monday, where they collect and burn all the universities newspapers before anyone can get their hands on it. You always bring marshmallows to make smores during their arson activities.

“When I graduate I’m going to burn this school down to the ground. That’s not a threat it’s a promise.”

Ningguang

Is secretly the leader of the Diluc fanclub - not that she likes Diluc, she’s in a questionable platonic poly marriage with you and Beidou - but it was the easiest way to gain funds for the student council. Which she is the president of, so rip Diluc the fanclub stays. Ruthless business woman I tell you. But she can run in heels so her danger factor rises by at least 20%.

Majors in social sciences and law but more specifically the political science & government. She saw the Imperial State Crown that the Queen of England wears and says yes, that’s mine now. If she’s not with Beidou and you planning on “how to infiltrate the state government just for lols”, then she’s with Keqing, Ganyu, and Zhongli discussing student council things. Should they or should they not tell the student body that they can see everyone’s search results? Sit back and relax as the school goes into chaos. 

She’s probably the scariest person on campus No, she is the scariest person on campus. She’s the scariest person on campus. But secretly she’s popping 20 aspirins just to make it through a night. She has the digestive system of steel. She still holds the title of "seriously do not try and beat her in a drinking game it's never going to happen" and that's her proudest achievement in life but sadly she can’t put it on her resume. Kaeya is still trying to beat her out of spite but so far it hasn't been working. You’re seriously concerned for her when she get’s challenged but Beidou gives you a way-to-hard slap on the back and cheers her on. If Ninngguang somehow get’s alcohol poisonings she’ll somehow find away to make a profit out of it.

"I'll let him die, I'll get the insurance money."

Kaeya

One day he chugged too much mouth wash, passed out, and somehow woke up in university majoring in law. His idea is that if he is apart of the law, he can therefore stand above it. To be fair, his only goal in life is to say “I am the manager” and he can go live the rest of his life in bliss or as a hermit. He’s secret best friends with you but wouldn't be caught dead beside you. He will stab a bitch if you ever get hurt but will still trip you on the way home. Seriously, you have no idea why people find him attractive. Your guess is it’s the eye patch or the clap of his ass cheeks that keeps alerting everyone.  

He’s apart of the newspaper club and if anyone asks: No, he has no idea who keeps taking all the newspapers and burns them in the back of the campus. Originally, he joined because he was nosy and needed to join some type of club for his resume. He sometimes feels bad for his junior assistant Amber because he keeps tricking her and says that Diluc is secretly a demon that is trying to steal all the jobs and is apart of the lizard government hell bent on eradicating the human race. He even brought out a whiteboard for this joke, he’s dedicated to his job ok? 

The type of guy to try and be humble and say his work is “okay” but will choke a bitch if anyone agrees. He tends to leave everything last minute and says that it’s his drug since actual drugs could land you one year in prison and a maximum penalty of $2,000. You have to awkwardly hold in your concerned mother head shake when you see him speed running his assignment literally right when the professor is walking around to check if students finished. 

“I was taught how to lead not to read.”

Mona

Broke wallet #2. Zhongli is broke wallet #1 but Childe simps for him so is he really a broke wallet at this point? In this essay, I Mona Megistus, will explain why I have the rights to the title “Broke Wallet #1″...

Believes that astrology should be an actual career path but refuses to take astronomy as her major. I can read the stars not a textbook that tells me how to calculate the mass of the sun divided by the fucks I give. Instead she went into Philosophy and cries to Albedo, who is an actual prodigy genius- sir lend some braincells to everyone else please?, that her professor keep turning her paper down because “star reading” is not an academic source.

Fischl wants her to join the occult club because, surprisingly, Mona is very good at telling people’s fates through her crayon sketch ouija board. She thinks first year Fischl is cute but is put off by the cosplay roleplay that she has going on. She would join except that stupid hat wearing gremlin in her lit class would make fun of her if he found out.

You gave her half your lunch one day and bought her a doughnut "because she seemed upset" and "out of the goodness of your heart" whatever the hell that means. She thinks you pensioned it but once that thought comes she takes a bite. Poison from a doughnut is not the worst way to go out, classes are hard enough. She’s waiting for the lord to strike her down anyways. 

“Its not about passing, its about doing better than everyone else.”

Venti

Slept through most of highschool and people question how he got into university. He’s a music major (wow how fucking original is that), and if anyone asks him to serenade someone or just do anything, he’ll do it for the right price. Or if you buy him alcohol because he still keeps getting ID checked. He’s banking on Kaeya actually becoming a lawyer or being on good terms with Diluc so he can finally stop being arrested for looking like a toddler.

Takes one step into classes and quickly nopes out and goes back to bed. Professors have no idea how he hasn't dropped out or failed. He just has some god given talent. He does whine at you to pretty pretty please with a cherry on top tutor him because you're such an angel and would never leave your poor but awesome best friend hanging right? He needs to get this essay down but how he is suppose to explain how the number 10 is symbolic and connects to the universe or the meaning of life. Do you think he can just say it’s apart of his culture and make up some random myth to pretend it looks like he knows what he’s doing? 

He’s honestly going with the flow and put his brain on the back burner all of highschool and only now realizes wait, I actually have to use my brain?

He’s been banned from most club chats since Venti has the no chill card. Someone says “lol I look ugly today.” and he’ll respond "yup, you look like a cow." and he get’s banned. Zhongli keeps a speed run timer on his phone just to document these occasions.

"Sad spelled backwards is das and das how it be sometimes."

Childe

An actual dumbass that somehow does well. He eats sandwiches with the crust off, this heathen. Surprisingly he’s studying to become a physical therapist but most of his experience has come from breaking his own bones. You’re scared how he's going to be if he actually becomes a therapist. If he'll make bets with his patients or try to one up whatever crazy injury they get into. Everything is a challenge to him that sometimes the best way to deal with Childe is to knock him out. 

This man really knows the way to a Zhongli’s woman's heart. Through micro transactions. Mona saw him accidently drop $20 and just shrugged and walked off. She has never been both spiritually and physically offended in her life. She did take the $20 though. As much as you hate leeching on Chile when he’s basically a walking wallet that probably uses bills as tissue paper, you can’t help but give him puppy eyes while planning on how to get into his will. If he even plans on having one, he might honestly write “whoever wins in a gladiator style duel in my funeral’s tournament, they will get my fortune.”. 

Any sport the university offers Childe is probably in it. Which is how he met Zhongli, challenged him to a fight, proceeded to have his ass handed to him, got a backhanded compliment, and screamed to you he was in love and how he found his soulmate. He's secretly very sappy and has cried and watched every Disney and Pixar movie at least 28 times.

"IM NOT TOO SPICY! I’M A TINY BIT ABOVE MILD IF ANYTHING!”

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God if it isn’t Scaramouche, it’s Childe that ruins the aesthetic. This is why I hate you. Why do you people enable me like this, it isn’t even good. This is pretty much a @ yourself moment and I vibe hard with Venti. This entire post was just to make a joke about the clap of Kaeya’s ass cheeks alerting the guards.

This week might slow down since I have classes and assignments. My reply’s are gonna be late too, sorry;; (oh and thank you to everyone that was so supportive and nice when I mentioned it. All of you. Beautiful 💕💕 )

[viastro]

winning team | hong jisoo

ミ★ synopsis: in which you and joshua singlehandedly carry your team on your back for capture the flag. oh yeah, the boys also don’t know that you two are dating. [requested by @jos-hua​ except she just asked for fluff and them spending time together but i decided to make it a nerf war]

ミ★ genre: fluff, humor

ミ★ warnings: mentions of nerf guns and shooting with foam bullets, brief and i mean brief mention of sex

ミ★ word count: 1,473

ミ★ pairings: joshua x female reader

ミ★ notes: hi guys! this was requested by my luvie @jos-hua​ ! lia, i hope you still like this even tho i made it into a giant ass... nerf war... hehe. make sure to check out her work too, she’s really good at writing <333 and i love her <333 thank you for coming to my ted talk.

Joshua watches as you check your surroundings for the enemy, you give him a thumbs up once the coast is clear and you both dash for the bushes. Once you guys make it, you pull out your phone to check for Jeonghan’s location. 

“Where is he?” Joshua whispers, looking around with wide eyes to make sure no one’s around. You curse to yourself once you realize he turned it off, having already assumed you’d check for it later. However, your eyebrows perk up in interest once you take notice of Chan’s location, “The flag is at the end of the street by the bushes, Chan was put in charge of it.”

You and Joshua are in an intense game of capture the flag with the rest of the group. Instead of physically tagging once you’re in enemy territory, the fourteen of you brought nerf guns to shoot each other. Almost half of your team is in jail right now, but you also have half of Jeonghan’s team in your prison. 

which is your garage but shhh

You, Joshua, Seokmin and Minghao are the last ones in your team that haven’t gotten caught yet. Mingyu, Seungcheol and Jihoon got pelted by nerf bullets in their attempt to capture the flag. From what you know, Minghao is currently hiding out behind a garbage bin with the guys in his sight. He’s just waiting for the right time to go for a jailbreak since Jun won’t stop guarding it. While Seokmin is standing by your prisoners just in case someone from Jeonghan’s team decides to run in.

Then there’s you and Joshua, already in Jeonghan’s territory hiding behind a bush. You both ran in pretty easily without getting any attention from Seungkwan and Jun, but your real problem lies with Jeonghan and Chan. Those two are an unstoppable duo when it comes to games, but you and Joshua are impenetrable. 

it’s a battle of the game gods.

“You ready to run in babe?” You ask, an excited smile taking over your features as you turn back to look at your boyfriend. His blonde hair is slightly wet from sweat, and his white shirt clings to his body. It is quite a sight but you won’t let that distract you. that’s a goddamn lie. 

Joshua gives you a smirk, “Ready as I’ll ever be.” 

You both run out of the bushes, heading towards the end of the street when nerf bullets begin to get shot at you. You and Joshua tuck yourselves behind a car, preparing your ammo when you hear Mingyu and Seungcheol begin shouting Minghao’s name. You peek over the hood of the car, finding Minghao shooting back at Jun and actually hitting him in the head. 

“JAILBREAK!” Minghao yells, slamming his hand on the mailbox that was designated as their prison. Jihoon, Minghao and Mingyu scream in victory before running in your guys’ direction to help capture the flag. While Seungcheol gives you guys a thumbs up before running back to base to help Seokmin guard.

“Let’s FUCKING GO!” You shout as they get closer, and you all run towards the end of the street. Jeonghan looks up with an excited smile at the action, before he starts aiming at Mingyu. 

The guys handle Jeonghan while you and Joshua run to find the hidden flag. As you get closer to the bushes, a nerf bullet zooms past your head and you look up from the ground to see Chan shooting at you both. 

“Cover me!” You yell and Joshua immediately starts fighting back, preparing his ammo as he ducks to find cover behind the bushes. Eyes frantically searching for the neon yellow flag, you finally see it sticking out in a lavender flower bed. 

“Yn, go!” Joshua yells and Chan casts his eyes in your direction, sporting an open-mouthed smirk as he prepares to aim at you.

You sprint in the direction of the flag, hearing Chan shout out in pain once Joshua starts shooting at him. Letting out a smile once the flag is within reach, you grab it, lifting it up out of the flower bed in victory. 

“WE WON!” You scream while jumping up and down. Chan lets out a loud laugh once you start doing your winning dance, otherwise known as:

the floss. except you do it aggressively. 

“FUCK YEAH!” Mingyu yells as the rest of your team runs down the street towards you guys, a tired Jeonghan and Jun following close behind.

Joshua runs up and lifts you up in a hug, and you laugh at his happy reaction. You throw your hands in the air, letting out a squeal when he sets you back down. You stare into each other's eyes for a moment before you press a quick kiss to his lips. His eyes widen at the fact that you initiated the kiss first, a blush rising to his cheeks a few seconds afterwards.

“Y-you. You kissed me first.” 

“That I did.”

“That was the first time you’ve ever initiated the kiss.” Joshua gapes and you giggle at him, patting his sweaty head.

“That is indeed, true-”

“YOU GUYS ARE DATING?!” You and Joshua practically jump out of each other's hold, finding all twelve of the guys now staring at you two with wide eyes.

“Oh…”

“Shit.” Joshua finishes.

“You know, I really did not expect for today to end with the guys scolding us for not telling them that we’ve been dating for five months.” Joshua nods his head, drying his damp hair with a towel as you lay on his bed, scrolling aimlessly through your instagram. 

“I’m more surprised at the fact that you initiated the kiss.” You groan, covering your eyes as your boyfriend laughs at your shy reaction. 

“Why do you keep bringing that up!” You whine, peeking through your hands to see Joshua smiling at you. “Cause it’s a monumental moment in our relationship. Makes me feel all warm inside.” You roll your eyes at him, going back to looking at your social media.

“But yeah, it was our fault honestly, we should’ve told them when I first asked you out.” Joshua says, bringing up the previous topic as he places his towel on a hanger. 

“I mean true, but I didn’t want them to feel awkward you know? I’m glad they were so accepting of it, even if we did get scolded for an hour straight while also being taught the importance of using protection.” You mutter, placing your phone onto Joshua’s nightstand. He slips off his slippers before giving you a big smile.

He practically leaps onto the bed, wrapping his arms around you and pressing soft kisses to your neck. You giggle at the feeling, poking his stomach so that he’ll back up a bit. He leaves one last kiss before leaning back to stare at you with a happy expression on his face.

“Someone’s happy tonight.” You state and he nods his head. “How can I not be? We fucking destroyed Jeonghan’s team today, and then you kissed me. That was the most epic part of my week honestly.” 

“We had an hour long lecture on why we shouldn’t have kept our relationship a secret, then got a thirty minute talk on using protection during sex.” You deadpan, and Joshua frowns at you, muttering how you’re a party pooper.

“It was still the best part of my week, protection talk or not.” Joshua tells you, and you glance at him with a teasing smile.

“Even better than our at home kbbq extravaganza?”

“Even better.” 

“How can me kissing you be better than our at home kbbq?” You ask with a frown and he rolls his eyes at you.

“Because kissing you is better than eating any grilled piece of meat, yn.”

You gasp, and Joshua gasps along with you. You both stare at each other, holding your pose for a moment longer before giggling into each other's faces. Joshua lets out a sigh, staring at you contentedly. You raise an eyebrow at his expression, feeling warmth flood your cheeks at his intense gaze, “What?”

“I love you.” Joshua whispers, reaching out and tucking a stray piece of hair behind your ear. A big smile breaks out and you cover your face with your hands, letting out a little squeal. Joshua laughs at your reaction, pulling you into his chest as he strokes your back.

“I love you too.” You mumble and he closes his eyes, a small smile still gracing his features.

He rubs circles onto your back until you fall asleep with a sleepy grin on your face. Joshua pulls away slightly when he notices your breathing evening out, and he chuckles at your dopey smile. 

“You’re the prettiest thing I’ve ever laid eyes on.” Joshua mutters, moving some more stray hairs away from your face. He presses a soft kiss onto your forehead, before leaning back and turning off the light. 

“Sweet dreams yn.”

[noonmutter]

Consummation

Terry was conscripted. Dwyn did not, by some miracle, destroy anyone, burn down Duskwood, or follow him.

That did not, of course, mean she did nothing.

     The morning after the Siege of Lordaeron, Darlain gets a note and a glass globe from a frazzled courier.

If you'd like to take a break from the gloom and doom to do one of your favorite things, finish what you're doing, brace yourself, and crush the globe underfoot. ~Shedwyn M. Lias PS: Please come ASAP, there's a line and I really want you to be here PPS: PLEASE WEAR PROPER SHOES FOR GLASS BREAKING, NO SLIPPERS

    Darlain was exhausted, so it takes her more time than usual to connect the dots on just what was happening. As soon as she freshens herself up, she hurriedly throws on her boots, which sadly didn't match her robes, but... she wasn't going to miss this! She crushed the globe beneath her feet.

    A flash of arcane, a little vertigo, and she appears before a tiny arcanist who is fidgeting so much from anxiety that she might as well be vibrating. Shedwyn immediately reaches out to grab Darlain's shoulder, knowing that the globe is not her most stable of teleportation enchantments, but it's fast and user friendly. "You made it!"

    She's looking a little frazzled, and she forgot that there were still a few bloodstains on her robes from the healing, but Darlain fumbles about, stabilizing before falling into Shedwyn. "Whew, may need ya tae send me back when it's done, but no way I was gonna miss this! Ye are gettin married, yes?"

    "They haven't told me he's dead, so I assume so!"

    Dwyn is new to the place, but Darlain has probably seen enough of these setups to recognize a quickly-assembled military altar, using one of the barrack buildings just off the Stormwind harbor. A line of men and women, all looking either nervous, happy, morose, or a blend of the three stand on one side of the room where bunks used to be, and an Alliance chaplain in half-plate and lovely blue-and-gold-trimmed robes smiles brightly as he approaches Dwyn and Dar.

    "You'd be the one I'm making an exception for, I suppose? Bit of flash for anything else."

    Dar looks to Shedwyn, a little confused. "Exception?"

    Shedwyn shrugs sheepishly. "I figured you'd want to be the one to marry us." She holds out a fairly simple handfasting cord--a single large cord made by braiding together three smaller purple, green, and sky-blue cords.

    The chaplain nods, then pushes a bit of overlong blonde hair out of his face. "I'm happy to stand aside if you're willing to do the honors for her. She was... quite adamant." That's a slightly exasperated, but mostly jovial grin on him as he eyes Dwyn.

    Darlain smiles. "Sorry, we're old friends, and I am a priestess. I'll try to keep things quick, looks like... you have your hands full, chaplain."

    The smile takes on a bit more of a somber tinge at the corners and he nods down at the dwarf. "Times of war keep us very busy, as I'm sure you know. I'd much rather this procession be the busy one than the one from yesterday, though." He adjusts his sleeves and glances back at the line a moment, then returns his attention to the pair. "I did receive word a few minutes ago that your young man is lined up, so all you need to do now is wait a bit longer. Please excuse me, I've got other couples to tend to!"

    And off he bustles to perform what is probably the hundredth short marriage of the day, in full sincerity and with all the genuine happiness he can offer them. ... And the 101st... and the 102nd...

    That little bit of news, that Terry is alive and right outside, is enough to change Shedwyn's fidgeting from anxious to excited. "I am sorry about the short notice, I... didn't really expect them to accept without a fight. They didn't exactly take him away under the most voluntary of terms."

    "I 'eard about that...  I... dinnae thnk I can do anything other than lean on some folks, but... we did a lot o' that to get 'im out o' prison..." She frowns, but shakes her head and gives Dwyn a smile as she changes the subject. "Ehh, kinnae do anything about that... so... any ideas, got rings, any traditions you want me tae practice?"

    "Well... He's got his ring, and I've got this," she holds up a twisted metal band. Not gold, possibly not even silver. "But it's all so rushed, and I want to do this right even if I can't do it right right now, so... Do you know what a Year And A Day handfasting is?"

    The current pair at the altar throw their arms around one another and laugh aloud once, then again much more quietly, embarrassed by the first, before quickly seeing themselves out.

    "I... isnae that an engagement custom?" She's wracking her brain to old weddings she had to officiate to remember the details.

    "Nnn- sort of? It's like a trial-run of a marriage. Or a subscription marriage, if you do it repeatedly. You're married, but it only lasts a year, and then you can choose to bail or not."

    "Hehe...more folks could do with tha, I think." She looks at the weaving, "Is this the end o' the weave, or the beginnin’, then?"

    "It's... The beginning?" Shedwyn rubs at her forehead. "Ah, I'm sorry, I just started looking this nonsense up and I don't know it yet. But really, whatever we do, as long as it's framed right, that's all that matters, right?"

    What fantastic timing for hers truly to step through the door. Maybe it's just a trick of the light, but it seems almost like the two of them could see Terry’s eyes bug out from their end of the hall. Apparently, nobody told him what was going on.

    Still in full mail and wearing his Stormwind tabard, sans all weapons save his boot knife, Terry cuts a pretty decent figure, actually. The squared-off goatee works much better when he's trying to look like a professional from head to toe.

    The chaplain gestures for him to come up to the altar, and turns the same hand to invite Dwyn and Darlain.

    "Alright, I think I can wing it." Dar looks at them both and smiles, "Shall we?"

    Shedwyn is grinning like a damned looney as she scurries to the front.

    All Terry can think to say right at first is a strangled "Dwyn?" as he comes to a stop beside her, and the chaplain chuckles to himself and steps down to take a much-needed tea break.

    Shed hands off the cord to Darlain and holds a hand out for Terry to take. The tiny mage manages to rein in her grin long enough to ask Terry, "Are you alright? Is this alright? I didn't get the chance to ask first, they couldn't even tell me if you were alive..."

    Darlain allows them to talk it over for a moment by taking her time preparing, adjusting little things and mostly acting busy, as well as pretending to jot things down in her notebook.

    He takes her hand almost entirely on reflex, brushing his thumb across her fingers and watching her face while she talks. Once the initial shock is done he's able to actually process what he's hearing, and laughs weakly. "Babygirl, th'only reason I 'aven't already kissed you is cuz I'm pretty sure she 'as t'tell me to first." He nods toward Dar.

    Shedwyn surprises herself by only huffing out a little laugh instead of the hysterical giggling that feels like it's sitting in her chest. "Heh. Good. We're rushing things too much as it is without jumping the gun during the actual ceremony."

    Dar takes a deep breath, and stands before the two. She reaches out for the half woven band, smiling at Shedwyn as she politely requests to take it.

    Shedwyn lets go of Terry's hand only so long as it takes to quickly remove her ring, and encourage him to remove his and hand it to Dar.

    Takes him a second to follow, but his eyes go a little wild again before he complies, handing Dar the understated gold signet ring with the 'A' on it.

    Shedwyn's is a simple wire rose, something she probably twisted together in five minutes right after she decided to do this.

    Darlain takes the rings, and the purple, green, and sky-blue woven cords, then smiles at the two. "Folks, we're gathered today tae witness the marriage o' these two lovely souls. Who, like many o' you all, are facing a 'ard time, and deciding tae face it as one."

    Terry's not sure whether to look at Darlain or Dwyn, but settles on Dwyn after a bit of indecision. He's still listening, of course, but it's very easy for him to stare at Dwyn.

    Dwyn glances back and forth between Dar and Terry for a minute, before she realises he's staring. She looks at their shoes a moment, flustered, before she can look at him.

    "Now, marriage is a tricky thing, and it’s something that'll test ya. As someone who's been at it fer awhile, my advice, is that there's three keys tae a successful marriage."

    Darlain holds up the loose, unwoven end of the cord, "Love." She holds up the purple strand. "More than just an attraction, it's a shared desire. A want to 'ave that person in yer life, an investment in their future, and in a shared future."  

    She holds up the green strand. "Kindness. We all make mistakes in life, we aren't always our best, but to look upon your partner with kindness, to empathize and support them, and to know they'll do the same? That's a lovely foundation, and, frankly, the very first spark of these two began with kindness."  

    She holds up the sky-blue strand. "Finally, there's trust. It’s the easiest to break, true, but it's something you need tae 'ave in yer partner. Trust that when the going gets tough, they'll see it through, that when you 'ave doubts, they'll 'elp tae break them. Counting on each other, that's trust, and sometimes it can be 'ard tae trust yerself, let alone another.

    “You kin 'ave a relationship with any of these three things, but…” She slips her fingers through the strands. "It can be easy to drift apart without all three."

    Dar looks at the two of them. "Do y'all 'ave any vows tae share with each other?" she asks, offering them their rings with outstretched palms.

    Dwyn reaches for the gold band first. "Yes."

    Terry doesn't have time to do anything but blink, hand half-raised and immediately dropping back to his side when Dwyn beats him to it.

    Shedwyn holds up the ring, but doesn't slide it on his finger, waiting for him to do it himself. He should know why.

    "Terry... Vowing to keep you 'til death do us part' is pointless. It has tried and failed. Repeatedly. However, there's a tradition in the Gilnean Highlands, an old one, one of a year and a day. Bride and groom are married for a year and a day, and at the end they can choose to leave, do it again, or make it permanent. So I vow to keep you not 'til death do us part, but for another year and a day. And when that day comes, we'll do this again. And we'll do it right.

    "And everyone we love will be there."

    There's a bit of a pause where he's not sure whether he should or shouldn't, but after a moment, he takes the ring from her hand and delicately slips it back on his finger (which has already got a bit of a tan line where it sits). He's hesitant, easy enough to guess why, but she can see it: he's trying desperately not to cry.

    When he opens his mouth, his voice is almost inaudibly quiet, but it gains as he goes. "You steal ev'rythin' from me. I was gonna--" Frowning slightly, Terry clears his throat and starts over. "I was going to give you as grand a speech as I could manage, but you've already stolen my idea, clean out from under my home soil."

    He glances almost nervously at Darlain for a second before he continues. "I would willingly give you anything if you asked, but it delights you so to take it, and surprise me with what you might do with such disused things as my heart, my soul. I will gladly let you take everything from me again, and again, and again."

    With that, he picks up her ring, and offers it to her.

    Shedwyn has the decency to look sheepish at the accusation of 'stealing,' but as he goes on she's right back to being about to cry. She slips the ring on one-handed and wipes at her eyes, then looks to Darlain.

    Darlain smiles at the two, and then grabs both of their hands, gently entwining them together. She then takes the woven part of the cord, and loops it around their hands in an infinity loop. "Love, Kindness, Trust. You keep building those this year and a day, and you're gonna 'ave a strong bond, one that isnae easy to break." She pauses for a moment, letting the moment settle. "I declare ya both man and wife.” Her grin widens. “Now you two can get to the fun part."

    From the gallery, amongst the witnesses and people waiting their turn, an enthusiastic clapping can be heard. It is coming from a man in purple and silver-lined wizard armor, with long gray hair and a smile on his face. At his side, his pack bulges as something inside seems to want out. "Beautiful, just beautiful! It's everything I was told!"

    Terry ... just... turns... and stares.

    Shedwyn bounces, pulls Terry down by his collar, and... pauses as the clapping starts. She turns to look at the too-familiar voice, belonging to a man with too-familiar eyes. Her expression blanks upon recognizing them, and then she glares.

    Darlain is very confused.

    Terry looks back at Darlain and mouths 'What?' in utter confusion.

    "Ah, I'm so glad I got to see this. Shedwyn, congratulations. And Darlain, a lovely ceremony as always." The man's bag bursts open, releasing a skull coated in arcane energy.

    "UGH! Finally, it's so stuffy in there. Hey Sugartits, lookin' good in that wedding gown!" Bob declares in his typical fashion.

    "Janosis?! What the fel happened to you?"

    The chaplain looks up at all the commotion and furrows his brow just a little. "Language, sir. This is a house of the Light."

    Terry is switching very rapidly from puzzled to irritated. "What th' flyin' f--"

    "Bob, behave or I'll let her at you with a hammer," the old man scolds, before turning back to the group at the altar. "Nothing terrible, but also a hell of a lot. Greetings from the world of tomorrow, old friends. Sorry for interrupting, I just found myself overwhelmed."

    "Right! Let’s step aside, thank you, chaplain!"

    It's suddenly clear that if Dar hadn't said that, the chaplain was preparing to have his burly buddies by the door carry them out. He looks almost apologetically at Terry. "You're granted one hour, private. I recommend not wasting it."

    Dwyn, still silent, grabs Terry's hand and with a very determined look, again tries to pull him him for a kiss.

    Terry makes a slightly undignified 'urmph' noise as he's pulled down, but doesn't resist and after a second moves to dip his new wife properly.

    "Oh! But I wouldn't show up to a wedding without a gift," Janosis declares while the couple kiss, pulling a wrapped box out of his satchel and waiting patiently.

    Shedwyn is unnecessarily dusting herself off as soon as she's back on her feet. "Alright, let's take this show outside." She points at Bob and 'Janosis.' "You two as well, but you'd better be quick - your explanation can wait until I'm not on my honeymoon."

    "Of course."

    "Light, nothin’ is ever easy, ever." She looks over Janosis. "Least you turned out okay... from the looks of it."

    Terry is ...not precisely happy to get moving, but he does lead Shedwyn out of the temporary church so the chaplain can take his spot back and get the line moving again. “Outside, b'fore I get bloody well pinned with somethin' fer this."

    "Before your hour's up, you should open the gift. It is for the both of you, after all.”

    Dwyn marches stolidly in step with Terry (though his pace is nearly a run for her). She tries to snag the gift on their way past, but does wait until they're outside to open it if she successfully grabs it.

    Terry's interest in a wedding gift is pretty negligible just now, so he's willing to let Dwyn take care of it. He is, for some wacky reason, a little agitated.

    Darlain keeps up with the group, is terribly concerned by what is going on. Magic is strange and things often don’t go well™ with its shenanigans.

    Shedwyn carefully opens the wrapped box. Not careful to the point of saving the wrapping paper, but careful to the point one might expect it to contain live snakes.

    WIthin the wrapping, a simple wooden box. Within the box, lying on the felt lining, a glittering violet shard, brimming softly with arcane power.

    "My gift to you on your wedding day is the most precious thing I could think of. Hold each other’s hands and crush the crystal, and the spell within will grant you a day for just the two of you. Everything else will stop, and when it ends you'll be back where you started, memories intact."

    Janosis looks around conspiratorially. "Also don't tell any Bronze dragons you saw this, it's a little bit illegal,” he says with a wink.

    It's very hard for Terry to reconcile being angry at his surprise wedding/honeymoon being interrupted with being legitimately touched by a gift from a guy he used to view as a threat to his relationship.

    Shedwyn draws in a soft gasp.  "This is really dangerous to make, and... incredibly thoughtful, right now." She carefully hands the box to Terry, and unless the other mage dodges, she thuds into him for a tight hug.

    Terry's hair actually stands up just a little bit when he takes the box, but he doesn't complain.

    Darlain actually goes, "Awwww."

    Janosis holds Shedwyn fondly, with a smile on his face. "I have learned that few things are as valuable as time. Enjoy it, and when you're back, I'll explain what I can."

    "Thank you. I don't know what's going on with you, but thank you."

    Terry stifles a sigh before saying, "Thank you."

    Janosis pulls away, hands lingering on Shedwyn's arms as he regards her. "It's me, so it's terrifying and wonderful. Now go enjoy yourself," he says, releasing her.

    Stifling a little laugh at that, she nods and steps back towards Terry. "Can you take Darlain home? Or... Back to work?"

    "Hm, you know, I'm not sure. Portals have always been tricky for me." He grins.

    "Mate, th' present's real thoughtful an' all, but if you don't leave right now I'm gonna punt you off th' nearest pier."

    "You would certainly try,” he says. “Darlain, may I?" He turns to the priestess and extends his hand.

    Shedwyn facepalms, but makes a small ‘go on’ gesture with her free hand.

    "...I guess you may." She takes his hand. "And congrats, you two! So ‘appy fer ya, 'ave a fun day!"

    "Quite. Thank you, Darlain."

    "Yer a gem, Darlain."

    "Next stop, Ironforge!" Janosis declares, gesturing with his hand to form an arcane sigil beneath their feet. A portal opens showing the temple in Ironforge before the portal moves past/through the pair, placing them in Ironforge safely before closing.

    Terry looks down at Dwyn once they're gone. "...I was gonna pick you up an' carry you off t'th' park, but tha' sorta put a damper on that idea. Thoughts?"

    Shedwyn takes the box from Terry's hands. "Nope, you're still carrying me. D'you still have that room from working for the Dragoons?"

    "I think so." He bends down and scoops her up, well aware that sack-o-potatoes carries are bad when the potato sack is pregnant, and kisses her again. "If not, somebody's gonna be real upset when we push 'em out."

    "Mmhmm."

( @shedwyn @darbiebot @janosis )

[crockpotcauldron]

urban fantasy with non-maledom romance got book recs?

So, by non-maledom, I’m assuming you mean “literally anything but that gross sexist alpha male stuff” and I can definitely help you out.

Let’s start with Iron & Velvet, by Alexis Hall. The protagonist is a lesbian P.I. with a string of magical exes, and her current love interests (in between investigating murders and saving the city) are a lesbian vampire prince, a lesbian werewolf pack leader, and a lesbian human who has no idea about all of the paranormal nonsense going on. The one she winds up with is cool, and their sweet, funny, healthy relationship continues into the next book, Shadows & Dreams.

Have you already heard of The Cage by A.M. Dellamonica? A lesbian falls in love with a woman who has hired her to build a safe enclosure to protect her werewolf puppy during full moons.

Next up is Prisoner and its sequel Packmate by Lia Silver. I’m always wary of alpha nonsense in werewolf books, and there’s literally none of it. DJ Torres, werewolf Marine, is a friendly, funny, warm-hearted member of a close-knit, loving family of werewolves, and his love interest is Echo, a genetically-engineered supersoldier who will do anything to protect her sister Charlie. They’re all held captive in a secret government facility along with an unstable bitten-werewolf pack, and have to work together to escape.

The Vampire Files and Quincey Morris, Vampire by P.N. Elrod both feature sweet, out-of-their-depth recent vampires and their whip-smart love interests - the former is an ambitious nightclub singer whose career takes priority over the protagonist’s, and the latter is a Victorian-era scandalous actress and owner of an all-female theater troupe. Also, these books have adorably strong and healthy friendships.

Skin Folk by Nalo Hopkinson is an anthology - a mixed bag for romance, but you do get a good range of warm, healthy queer relationships and some damn fine urban fantasy, scifi, and horror. Aim for Fisherman, Slow Cold Chick, and Ganger.

Morgen Curse by Gillian St. Kevern is a sweet, gentle story of a young Welsh man returning to his grandmother’s small town, picking up her magical legacy and unraveling the mysteries she left behind, including the siren boyfriend he forgot.

Phoenix and Ashes by Mercedes Lackey is one of my favorite fairy tale adaptations - a WWI Cinderella in a world full of elemental magic. Though she goes to the ball to find the godmother to break her curse, not the prince, she does have a sweet and equal romance that ends with them both mastering their magic and going to university together.

Trace by Sam Starbuck has a protagonist who is in a warm, comfortable relationship with a married couple, and their relationship is a lifeline when he goes undercover in prison to investigate magical trouble.

If you’re interested in comics and graphic novels, you could definitely try Kel McDonald’s work - in Fame and Misfortune a gruff lesbian werewolf bodyguard solves a mystery accompanied by the lesbian she accidentally bit, in The Better To Find You With an enthusiastic veterinarian tracks down a scared new werewolf with the help of a werewolf she patched up, and if you like those she has plenty more comics.

That’s all I have off the top of my head, and it doesn’t feel like much, but I just realized that’s about twenty books. (I consider The Dark Sleep the end of the Vampire Files series, but you could keep going if you wanted.)