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lovelytsunoda · 2 years

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emergency contact // mercedes ( ii )

summary: in the sequel to 'you're on your own kid', y/n makes the first step in breaking out of her shell and overcoming her anxiety by attending her first race with the mercedes team. unfortunately for her, all it takes is four hours and a few text messages with a certain f2 driver to make things all come crashing down again.

things that i want, this happily ever after, you choke on your words just to swallow them after, asleep on the couch while you're passed out in the back, i just want you to be my emergency contact

pairing: platonic! mercedes amg f1 x reader, brief liam lawson x reader (unrequited)

warnings:anxiety and loneliness, fear of dying alone. unrequited love & miscommunication between liam and y/n, this one drags the f2 idiots into this disaster, heavy drinking

author's note: all i have to say is i'm sorry for inflicting emotional pain on you guys through this series, because it's totally becoming a series: merc helping baby intern navigate being an adult.writing fics on tumblr is cheaper than going to therapy and makes me feel better than going to therapy does. that's a joke, by the way.

breathe, y/n. just breathe

that's the mantra that she repeats to herself as she walks into the paddock, watching the frantically moving figures scramble around in front of her. it was overwhelming, the atmosphere like something that she had never experienced before.

truth be told, it scared her a little bit.

"just breathe, beautiful. you're safe." angela cullen encouraged, putting a reassuring hand on the young law clerk's shoulder.

"there's a lot of people here." she laughed nervously as the pair kept walking towards the mercedes hospitality suite. "i forgot that the filthy rich fans are also allowed back here."

you don't belong here. the voice in her head was back, the one that made her want to curl back into herself. it took forever for her to get to the point where she agreed to come with the team to a race. it was just silverstone, something very much local because she was still too anxious to fly overseas. susie had thought that it would be a good way for her to get to know people within the motorsports world, a way to become more comfortable with herself and the mercedes team.

"you'll be fine." angela encouraged. "if you keep your head down and keep walking quickly, you'll be at the garage before you know it."

most of the week leading up to silverstone had been spent with nyck, susie and angela, as george, toto and lewis were so busy getting race-ready. they'd done a day in london all as a team, a film camera sitting in her backpack was filled with pictures of her and the drivers doing all of the cheesy touristy things.

it had been the best week of her life.

but she knew that once it was over, it was back to normalcy. back to frozen tesco pizza and reruns of 'benidorm'. of course, her life had improved vastly since lewis and george had welcomed her into the group. she's started having monthly girls nights with susie and angela, and sometimes naomi schiff came along as well. they'd get their nails done and go out for dinner and drinks. it got y/n out of the house, and it made her feel like she was a part of something.

this was a feeling she had been chasing since she graduated high school.

a feeling that almost made the pain of watching all of her old friends move on with their lives: getting boyfriends and girlfriends, moving in with their partners, going out every other night with their large friend groups, and even getting married.

and it really hurt her to watch, knowing that everyone else was moving on but she was still stuck in the same place.

really, she just wanted to be loved.

"hey, kiddo!" toto waved to her as she and angela went into the garage.

the austrian had become a proper substitute for her father now that she was living on her own. all that toto wanted was for y/n to feel secure and comfortable with her job at the team. he was constantly making sure that she felt included, sometimes letting her in on things that not even the lawyers got to see just yet. despite his imposing appearance and his brash attitude, he was a big softie.

"hey, toto." she exhaled a breath, leaning in to give the team principal a hug. "thanks for inviting me along, really."

"anytime. hopefully this has been a good week for you, and maybe you'll consider coming to some of the races that are further from home, a little more outside of that comfort zone of yours?"

"i hope so too." she smiled sadly. "where do you need me today?"

"it's qualifying today, so we need all hands on deck. we've been struggling a little with pace this weekend, but i think we have a shot at the front row." toto began, passing y/n a set of headphones. "usually the crew who aren't needed during the qualifying brackets hang out in the back. i think george's girlfriend is back there too, if you'd feel more comfortable around carmen."

"thank you, toto. really, i don't think i can say it enough." y/n gushed, twirling the cord for the headphones around her ring finger.

toto smiled. "any time, kid."

she walked to the back corner of the garage, talking to some of the engineers and a few of the pit crew members on her way. the crew had welcomed her with open arms. she couldn't remember a time when she had felt more loved, but the void was still there.

she ached to be loved romantically. to be understood, treasured. for another person to want to spent the rest of his life by her side. to one day get dressed up in a nice white dress, and walk down the aisle in an old cathedral or a castle or a library and officially spend the rest of her life with someone she loved by her side.

"good luck out there, lewis." she tried to push the usual existential crisis out of her mind, giving the right-time world champion a tight hug before moving on to george, who could drape his whole lanky body over her if he tried. "you too, russell george. go kick some red bull ass, yeah?"

"you can bet we'll try!" george laughed.

"hey, if you get overwhelmed at all, the back door is right there." lewis said softly, nodding his head in the direction of a heavy metal door hidden in the wall, a fluorescent exit sign posted above.

"as long as you stick with carmen, you'll be in good hands." george agreed. "just stay within your comfort zone, don't push yourself too much."

"that was the plan. being here is out of the comfort zone enough. good luck, guys." she said again, moving to stand next to carmen montero in the back of the garage.

whenever she went to events where susie wasn't around and the drivers were busy, she always found herself gravitating towards carmen. she barely knew george's girlfriend except for the fact that carmen was normal and hardworking just like she was and that this world as as new to carmen as it was to y/n.

the first qualifying session ended, and the cars returned to the garages while the commentators reset the clock. the merc garage was suddenly a hub of activity, and y/n couldn't help but notice how her anxiety was spiking as she took off the headphones and reached for her purse.

"everything okay?" carmen asked softly, putting a hand on her shoulder.

y/n nodded. "just need some breathing room. i'm going to run and get a hot chocolate from hospitality. do you want anything?"

carmen shook her head. "don't worry about me, love."

y/n slipped out of the garage through the back door, pulling her aviator sunglasses over her eyes against the british sun. there was a slight breeze in the paddock that had her pulling the sleeves of her sweater over her knuckles. the paddock was calmer now, save for the five drivers who hadn't made it through to q2 hanging their heads as they made their way back to their hospitality suites.

"hi, y/n!" alexander albon waved, a bright smile on his face. she'd only ever met alex once or twice, because the williams driver was so close with george. but alex had welcomed her immediately.

"hey, alex. it's a pity about q1."

"eh, i drive a williams." alex shrugged. "what can you do?"

as alexander headed back towards the williams garage, y/n headed towards the hot chocolate vendor, lining up behind mechanics and engineers, hospitality workers and pr reps who were trying to warm up from the cold. though the calendar declared that it should have been the summer, it felt like the spring, a damp kind of cold seeping into everybody's bones.

as she walked back to the garage with a paper cup warming her hands, she stopped to talk to a group of boys sitting on a patio table near the mercedes hospitality suite after frederik vesti waved her over.

fred had driven in f2 that morning, a qualifying that saw him starting in the middle of the pack.

"oi, fred, don't you have a debreif to be at?" y/n joked, playfully pushing him in the side as she took a seat next to him at the table.

"oh, fuck off." the junior driver laughed. "y/n, this is dennis, liam, clement, marcus and jack, they're some of my mates from f2."

as the boys waved at her one by one, she knew exactly why frederik had waved her over.

he was trying to get her to make friends.

"so, what brings someone like you out to the paddock? i don't think that we've seen you 'round here before." the blond that fred had pointed out as liam spoke first.

he had a kiwi accent that made y/n's legs go weak, her heart beating faster in her chest as she nervously combed her hair behind her ear. "i work in the legal department. i don't know a lot about how things actually work around here, i just help file the paperwork for it."

"oh, so she's a smart one." clement cheered, raising his glass of sprite for a toast. "we need more people like you around here."

talking to the boys gradually became easier. it was a relief for y/n, to see that people were so thrilled about having her around, that they seemed to like her so quickly, with no strings attached. people who wouldn't expect anything from her, but just enjoyed talking to her.

it felt amazing to be appreciated, to be liked by people who weren't obligated to.

"i should head back. q2 is almost over, and i should see if toto needs me." she said, raising her voice slightly to be heard over the laughter from one of clement's jokes. "but this has been really great, guys. really."

"what's your instagram?" marcus asked, pulling his phone out of his pocket. "we'll put you in the group chat." he passed her the phone, not missing the way that her face lit up as she searched for her own profile in the app, adding herself to marcus' f2 group chat.

"we were all going out later." liam added. "it's nothing much, just a way to decompress before the weekend starts. you're more than welcome to join us, if you wanted to."

"really?" she couldn't stop her face from breaking out in a grin. "i wouldn't want to trouble you guys."

"it's no trouble. i insist."

"okay. text me the details, and i'll be there."

________

the evening rolled around fast. she stood in front of the closet mirror in her room of the rented mercedes villa, running her hands over her thighs before proceeding to scrutinize the rest of her appearance in the mirror. frederik had promised to drive her, and she wanted to be ready before he threw on some cologne and grabbed his car keys from the kitchen counter.

there was a soft knock on her door, and after y/n gave permission for the person on the other side to open it, susie wolff stepped into the room.

“you look great, kiddo.” she said with a smile. “remember to have fun tonight, okay? just be yourself.”

“in the past, that hasn’t exactly worked out for me.” y/n sighed, rolling up the sleeves of her form/fitting long sleeves shirt to spray her arms with a bath and body works spray.

“and if you feel like coming home early, don’t hesitate to call me or angela, alright hon?”

y/n laughed, reaching for the small quartz necklace she had draped over the airbnb's dresser. she'd be lying if she said she wasn't nervous. although marcus, clement, liam and dennis seemed to like her, she was still nervous about going out with them all, being thorwn headfirst into a night out with a group of drivers that have spotty reputations.

"thanks, susie. for everything." and she truly meant it. the wolff's had been so important into making her field placement feel like home, and not just another thing she needed to do to get her diploma.

she followed susie downstairs, where frederik was talking to one of the engineers, a glass of sparkling water in his hand and a set of keys dangling from his fingers.

"ready to go?" the frenchman asked, pushing away from the counter. "marcus is wondering where we are."

"hang on, hang on." nyck de vries laughed, cutting the junior driver off midsentence. "it's baby's first night out! we need to remember this!"

the intern rolled her eyes. the entire scenario reminded her of how her parents acted when she went to prom. susie backed away and y/n attempted to pose against the cinnamon colored wall as toto got his phone out. she locked eyes with nyck behind the counter, mouthing the words 'fuck you, shortass' before going back to smiling at toto.

"have fun tonight, kiddo." lewis said with a bright smile, his voice calming her down as the seven time world champion patted her gently on the shoulder. "and please try and stop frederik from doing something stupid."

"oi!" fred shouted through laughter. "come on, we should get going before clement gets too drunk."

"don't scare the poor girl!" toto scolded. "you will be fine. and if any of them do anything you don't like, i'll have words with them."

________

the club was hazy, shrouded in purple lights. the drivers had rented out a private room in the back corner of the building. her chest felt tighter as she followed frederik, the anxiety beginning to set in.

fred reached for her hand. "you've got this. they don't bite. clem is a little feral, but if you're firm with him he'll leave you alone."

she nodded. "okay. here goes nothing."

when the door opened, she had to take a minute to take in what was happening. clement novalak and dennis hauger were doing shots at a table in the middle of the room while the rest of the f2 grid were gathered around them (save for a brazilian with a mane of hair who was sitting in the corner, making out with a girl of about twenty) chanting 'shots, shots, shots' before dennis tapped out and clement howled with victory.

oh dear lord, what am i doing here? she wondered, taking in the chaos unfolding in front of her.

"hey, dickheads!" fred shouted. "i want you to meet someone!"

activity around the table stilled, dennis and clement cheering when they say y/n.

and she'd be lying if she said that their enthusiasm didn't make her feel a little warm and fuzzy on the insides.

"woah, she's hot." a swiss guy with curls of blonde hair framing his face looked over, slurring his words slightly. he was likely the drunkest out of all of them, a vape pen sticking out of his jeans pocket.

"fuck off, ralph! she's the same age as dennis, don't make this weird." marcus laughed, stealing one of the remaining shots from dennis' side of the table.

"that's ralph boshung, he's our version of fernando alonso. he's twenty-five and he's shite, but he brings camps money." dennis laughed, throwing one tattooed arm over y/n's shoulders. "he's a dick, but he's harmless."

"pleasure." she croaked as she moved closer to the table. "now who'd everybody else?"

"right, so that's roy, logan, jehan, amaury, marino, enzo, richard, theo, ayumu, zane, calan, olli, the one in the corner there is felipe-"

that's too many people. she felt overwhelmed, but she wasn't quite sure how to tell dennis that. some of the guys she recognized from the pictures they used as their profile pictures on the group chat, and others she'd never seen before.

"do you want a shot?" clement asked, draping his body over hers as he held the small tequila glass in front of her face.

"i'm good." she said calmly, shaking her head as she sat down in the booth, taking a seat next to who she assumed was zane maloney. "i don't really drink, can't stand the taste of alchohol."

zane snorted. "smart choice. trust me, these lot do a lot of funny shit when they're drunk."

"clem is a riot when he's wine drunk. he'll start randomly speaking french, or change his accent midsentence." jehan added with a laugh. "it's so fucking funny."

the song playing outside changed, and the boys let out a cheer.

"boys, to the dance floor!" ralph yelled, pointing towards the door as he slipped his sunglasses on his face for no other reason than to try and look cool.

and suddenly the room was practically empty: a mjorty of the drivers had departed for the dance floor, felipe's woman had vanished, and suddenly there were only four of them in the room: felipe, y/n, dennis and marcus.

"you two don't usually stay behind when those idiots go to make bad decisions and piss their trainers off." felipe remarked, looking at marcus and dennis. "are you sure you're all right?"

marcus shrugged. "we don't want y/n sitting in here on her own, do we? that's not why we invited her out."

"thank you, for that. i'm not a club kind of person, in case you couldn't already notice. too many people, too many things going on. it overwhelms me."

"no worries!" dennis insisted. "trust me, you don't want to be out there right now anyways. do you want anything to drink, even just like a soda or something?"

"a sprite would be nice."

"get the woman a sprite!" felipe shouted, shoving the two other driver's out of the booth. "go on, what are you lads here for?"

they all laughed as marcus and dennis fought over who would have the horror of walking over to the bar and ordering the soft drink. dennis ended up losing, the norwegian cursing jokingly at marcus before he slipped out of the room, music still shaking the drywal.

all throughout the night, the drivers seemed to rotate staying with y/n, keeping her company or splitting a plate of fries with her. they all genuinely seemed like nice people and she was almost glad that she had let frederik convince her that coming out tonight was a good idea.

"you should dance!" liam insisted, stealing the last greasy french fry from the ceramic plate. "come on, what are you so scared of?"

"uh, making a fool out of myself? ending up on a formula two gossip page? or worse, a wags page where the comments section get into fights with each other trying to figure out which one of you idiots i was here with in the first place and who i went home with or who i had a threesome with?"

liam cackled. "does your brain ever slow down?"

"not at all." she answered, dead serious. her brain was a very scary place to be.

"come on, get out of your head for a little bit. you only live once, baby merc."

y/n grinned, hoping that the dim lights did something to hide the blush on her face. "baby merc? did frederik tell you that toto calls me that?"

"he might have mentioned it." liam grinned, his eyes sparkling with mischief. "so, what do you say?"

y/n shook her head, crossing her arms before leaning back in her seat. "i don't even like this kind of music."

liam raised an eyebrow. "that can be easily fixed."

she was about to say something back when she finally recognized one of the songs on the stereo. when 'spice up your life' by the spice girls started to play, she couldn't stop her face from breaking into a grin.

"come on now, you have to dance!" liam insisted as the door slid open and clement novalak came in, sashaying his hips as he walked up to the tables.

"it's the spice girls!" the frenchman shouted. "you are legally obligated to dance, baby merc!"

with both clement and liam trying to convince her, there wasn't any fight left to try and talk them, or herself, out of it. "fine. you guys get one song. one."

she said one song, but the way she felt when she finally got out there, dancing with the group of boys, singing the spice girls at the top of their lungs as liam took her by the hand. she felt alive, a smile threatening to tear her skin apart.

she took out her phone, swiveling the camera to face them all as they screamed the chorus, the boys drunk and sweaty and rambunctious, a glow over her skin that she didn't recognize.

the glow of confidence and contentment.

________

when she and fred got back to the villa, she felt giddy as she ran back up the stairs to her room, kicking off her shoes and flopping back on the bed, clutching the cool screen of her phone to her chest.

while she felt this high, like she was walking on air, there was something she needed to do.

to liam: hey liam! big thanks for inviting me out with you guys tonight. i had an incredible time and it was nice getting to know you. i was wondering if maybe you wanted to get together for a coffee or something during a race weekend?

she pressed send with her eyes screwed shut. it was the riskiest text she could remember sending. she dropped the phone, getting back to her feet and busying herself while she waited for liam to text her back, stopping her hands from shaking from worry.

she changed out of her clubbing clothes, dressing in flannel pajama bottoms and an oversized shirt for a band that she went to see when she was in her freshman year of high school.

oh how things had changed for her since then. she should be proud of herself, she knew. but some days she didn't feel like she had moved on from that stuffy london secondary school.

her phone vibrated on the bed, and she braced herself for the worst, even as she lunged faster than the speed of light to grasp the device in her hands.

and then she felt her stomach drop, the bad feeling spreading through her bones as she felt like she couldn't support her body weight on her own any more.

rejection.

from liam: heyyyyyy.....i had a great time with you today as well, and you seem like a really nice person, and i really hate to be the one to burst your bubble like this, but i'm already seeing someone. her name is olivia, i met her back in new zealand.

she was now three for three, and more concerned that she was going to die alone than ever.

______

"she's been out there a while." george russell said slowly, nodding his head in the direction of the back dec. it was dark outside, the stars visible above the trees. "frederik, what happened when you guys were out? who do we have to hurt?"

fred shook his head. "i have no idea. she was having a great time, dancing with liam and clement. the boys were tripping over each other to talk to her, make her feel welcome. whatever happened must have happened after we came back."

the mercedes drivers looked out the patio door again, hearts aching at the sight of y/n leaning over the deck railing, a sad and despondent expression on her face.

"i'm going to go and talk to her." lewis said, getting to his feet and sliding the door open.

his heart ached for the girl who so badly wanted to leave her mark on the world. the girl who was scared of dying alone at such a young age, scared she'd never be loved or treasured. scared that she would be alone for the rest of her life, that everything was simply temporary.

"y/n, are you alright?"

"he's seeing someone else. i finally thought i had a fucking chance to be loved, and he's seeing someone else." her voice broke, a single salty tear beginning to make it's track down the pale expanse of her skin. and as that first one fell, more and more followed. "am i unlovable, lewis?"

and that's when lewis felt his heart break. y/n was too young to feel the pain of the world, the pain of heartache. he knew what it was like to bleed love into the world and not get enough back. to still feel that void inside of you.

"don't say that, love. you are not unlovable. he just wasn't the right person for you. do you want to talk about it?"

"not really."

"that's fine." he was standing next to her now, looking out at the backyard and the trees. y/n looked so small, hiding behind the old concert shirt that was four sizes too big, but that she had bought that way because she was already paying too much for it, so it might as well last her four or five years of growth.

"but know that this is not a reflection on you. this is all on him. and you put yourself out there tonight. that must have been a massive step for you. you should be proud of yourself, even though it's hurting right now."

she caught a shadow moving behind her out of the corner of her eye, hearing the deck creak under the weight of footsteps.

"who was it?" toto wolff's voice was deep, tinged with anger that someone had decided to cross his favorite intern. the one that he thought of as family as much as he did his own three kids. in fact, he had considered introducing y/n and benedict, as they were at a similar age and he knew that she could use a friend. "i don't care who he is or what driver's academy he's in, i just want to have a little chat with him."

y/n laughed, shaking her head as she pictured toto storming into the red bull garage to yell at poor liam for hurting his favorite intern. "you don't have to do that. i need to learn how to deal with these things on my own."

lewis turned his head, giving her and understanding look. "remember we're here if you need us, okay? you never have to go through something like this alone again."

"oi, is there another party that i never got invited to?" george proclaimed, making his presence known on the deck. the group laughed, remembering the day they had all met, the day they became what they were today, when y/n had been sobbing on the rocks by the factory parking lot.

"just needed a little cheering up, that's all." she said, resting her head against toto's arm. "it's been a day. too many emotions for me to handle."

she thought again about liam's text, a stab of pain ricocheting through her heart. she just had to trust that things were going to work themselves out, because sometimes that was the onyl thing that there was to do.

maybe it was time to take fate into her own hands. should she try a dating app? a speed dating event? god forbid she join a singles club.

"nyck just got out the scrabble board." george remarked off handedly. "between the four of us and carmen, i think we could kick some serious scrabble ass, don't you think?"

lewis laughed. "says the guy that only played three letter words last time we played."

"i didn't have y/n on my team." george proclaimed, placing his hands on the intern's shoulders. "she's the smart one here. so what do you say?"

y/n smiled. "deal me in. i'm gonna kick both your asses."

she'd worry about getting a boyfriend later. but for now, she had the best found family she could have ever asked for.

Tags:

@libraryofloveletters @magnummagnussen @sidcrosbyspuck @scuderiamh @diorleclerc @daydreamingleclerc

#mercedes amg petronas #formula one x reader #f1 x reader #f1 imagine #george russell #lewis hamilton #toto wolff #nyck de vries #liam lawson x reader (sort of)#formula 2 #frederik vesti #family are the friends we meet along the way series #Spotify

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choicesfanatic86 · 5 years

Text

Through the Storm: Part 1

DISCLAIMER: All characters belong to Pixelberry Studios, except characters unique to my story. Those belong to me. ;)

PAIRINGS: Riley (MC) x OC, Riley (MC) x Liam, Liam x Riley (MC) x OC, Olivia x Drake, Bertrand x Savannah, Maxwell x OC

SUMMARY: Riley Lawson returned to New York a broken version of herself after a failed whirlwind romance. Years later, she has put the past behind her and rebuilt herself into a successful event planner who is happily enjoying her fast-paced New York lifestyle. However, just because she’s put the past behind her, doesn’t mean it won’t come back to haunt her. When an unexpected letter turns up on her doorstep, she’s forced to face the people and feelings she ran away from all those years ago.

Please check out my MASTERLIST.

PERMANENT TAG LIST: @umccall71 @drakelover78 @jamielea81 @bobasheebaby @speedyoperarascalparty @hopefulmoonobject @theroyalweisme @gardeningourmet @jlouise88 @hamulau @traeumerinwitzhelden @blackcatkita @mrs-simmy @kaitycole @alwaysthebestchoice @mfackenthal @trr-duchessofvaltoria @pbchoicesobsessed @liamxs-world @flyawayboo @devineinterventions2 @ranishajay @jayjay879 @alepowell @greyeyedsmile14 @mspaigemoore @princesaakl @annekebbphotography @angelicfangirl @katurrade @cordoniaqueensworld @ao719 @kingliam2019 @custaroonie @lovemychoices @texaskitten30 @harlequinash @smalltalk88 @pixieferry @thatspicegirlssong

Tag List for TTS Only: @herladyshipxx @captainkingliam @cocomaxley @queencatherynerhys @spetstoof @grapefrults @pessimystic-fangirl @dralenamax @hhiggs @penguininapinktuxedo @topsyturvy-dream @diamond-dreamland @pnhanga @ladynonsense @mrsdrakewalkerblog @crookedslimecreatorpasta @liamxs-world @flowerpowell @bruteforcebears @withice @jared2612 @darley1101 @sleeplessescapades @leelee10898 @craftytacotrashdream @eileendannie @bella-ca @x0valkyrie @sunandlemons

11/26/29 - Here we go again. I bet you’re wondering why I’m rewriting/revamping TTS? Five months ago I got a critique about TTS saying that the reader felt it wasn’t realistic enough. For them, things felt rushed and kind of disjointed (examples they gave were the beginning/agreeing to go to the wedding; glossing over Drake/Olivia’s relationship; Riley’s relationship with Paul; Maxwell and Andy’s engagement. I’ll admit, my heart hurt a little because I had put so much time and energy into it and had been getting so much positive feedback that I kind of got blindsided by that critique. With everything that was going on in my life, I kind of just ignored it and moved on thinking that I’d address it when I had more time. Of course, I didn’t really get back into writing again until recently. So, I took the opportunity to reread TTS and I found that the reader who shall remain anonymous (lol!) was correct. It was rushed . . . I did do a disservice to such awesome characters like Paul and Andy and Maxwell and even Olivia! So I’m gonna do right by this critique and rework it so that it is a bit more realistic.

So? What does that mean? The plot is going to change. Eek! I know. Scary. But the general premise will remain the same. Plot twist - I already have the ending written and that won’t change. But Riley’s time in Cordonia will be a bit different. :)

I really hope you guys decide to continue to follow along!

If you want to be removed from the tag or be tagged, please message me! :)

PART 1 - LIFE GOES ON

“Oh my goodness,” I whispered. “Roxy, you’re a magician,” I sighed as I inhaled the delightful cinnamon aroma permeating from my warm cup of cappuccino.

Roxy winked at me. “I know what my best customer likes,” she chuckled. “It’s been ages since you’ve swung by for a visit. I had to make it just perfect for you.”

I smiled brightly at the owner of the coffee shop. Roxy’s Coffee Shop had become a second home to me over the last two years. I had stumbled across it back in college when I first came home to New York. I was in between mid-term exams and needed somewhere to decompress before heading back to campus and happened upon this little hole in the wall café. It was love at first sight. Sure, there were a bunch of mainstream coffee shops scattered across the city, but there was just something that drew you in at Roxy’s. For one, they had the coziest little set up going on. The lighting is dimmed just right and the chairs are extra cozy – which is perfect when you want to get lost in a good book or in my case a really tough crossword puzzle. Another thing? Roxy makes THE best cup of cappuccino this side of the Hudson River. I couldn’t count how many times I found myself huddled in a corner sipping a cup of Roxy’s perfectly brewed coffee after a long day of classes.

And that’s just where I am today – snuggled in a plush, brown chair at the far corner of the shop, steaming cappuccino in one hand and the New York Times in the other. This was the life. I brought the cup of cappuccino to my lips, savoring the delicious taste as I sipped it slowly. “I’ve missed this,” I sighed happily. “I’m sorry I haven’t been around as much,” I offered. “Business has been crazy, and . . . well . . .you know how it goes when you’re your own boss,” I explained.

“Do I ever . . .” Roxy agreed. “Stay as long as you like. I’ll be sure to have Gus bring you a refill when you’re done,” she smiled.

“Best Barista Ever,” I exclaimed.

“Just you today or is that handsome hunk of man joining you?” Roxy asked waggling her eyebrows.

“Just me,” I laughed. “Paul’s in Boston.”

“Too bad,” Roxy winked at me. “I’ll leave you to it,” she motioned toward the crossword puzzle page in front of me. “Mmhmm, she chuckled. Only girl I know that does the New York Times Crossword in pen,” she shook her head as she went off to tend to another customer.

Sighing, I leaned back into the chair getting myself comfortable. Roxy had been right. I hadn’t stopped by in at least a month. After all, it had been just as long since I had an actual day off. I was about due for some nice rest and relaxation. When Alicia offered to do my consults for the day, I jumped at the opportunity to breakaway for a little while. I was going a bit stir crazy in the four walls of my office. Don’t get me wrong, I loved my job and I loved being my own boss even more, but I seemed to constantly be moving at the speed of light. I started Savvy Events right out of college and despite the rocky start I had trying to get it off the ground, things have been booming every since.

I loved the hustle and bustle of my fast-paced life. My weekends were spent planning and coordinating some of the trendiest events in New York City. So I wasn’t planning parties for the Kardashians just yet, but I did plan a party for one of the girls from Sex and the City once and it got featured in Glossy magazine. That was pretty epic. Mostly though, I found myself catering to high-end business professionals who were just too busy to plan parties themselves – corporate galas, year-end celebrations, weddings. You name it; I pretty much could plan it. My weekdays were just as busy – filled with client meetings, scouting visits, and designing sessions. It wasn’t easy, but it kept me busy, the money was great, and I was really, really good at my job – if I do say so myself.

Admittedly, there were times when I missed how much downtime I used to have. I sometimes longed for the days when I could randomly decide to wander aimlessly around the city and discover all of the little idiosyncrasies that New York had to offer. But the Riley back then didn’t have as much responsibilities as I do now. Man, just thinking about how much has changed over the years makes me nostalgic for life pre-business. I’ve come quite a long way from the days when I was waiting tables at that dingy little bar out in Brooklyn. I couldn’t help but smile when I thought about all the late night shifts I spent working at Upscale. I snorted at the memory. Upscale . . . what a totally misleading name. There was absolutely nothing upscale about that crummy, little bar. The patrons were a bit too touchy, and my manager Craig was a giant ass. It wasn’t all bad though. My coworkers were fun and the tips were a dream, especially when I was trying to save up enough money to get back into college. And if it wasn’t for that oh so glamorous waitressing gig . . . my life would have turned out pretty differently. Hell, I never would have met him. Had I not picked up that last party the night he walked into the bar, I never would have met the man that turned my life upside down. I never would have had the opportunity to cross off so many items on my bucket list. I never would have gotten to see the world outside of my tiny little studio in Brooklyn. I never would have fallen in love.

Ouch. Let’s not go there. It had been months since I had even thought about him. I closed my eyes at the thought, clinging onto my cup just a tad bit tighter. My heart had a slight twinge . . . of pain? Regret maybe? I shook my head, mentally chiding myself for letting myself go there again. I was doing so well. What had it been three months since I last thought about him? Or them? That had to be some sort of record. They say time heals all wounds, and I was slowly starting to believe it. It had been two years since everything had happened, and I refused to allow myself to ever be that weak again. I’ll never let myself revert to the girl I was back then. I came back to New York a ghost of my former self. I remember feeling like the aching heartbreak would stay with me forever. I thought that I would be doomed to a life of wallowing in my never-ending grief.

It still amazes me that I was somehow able to pick up the pieces of my broken life and glue them back together again. It was a long and hard road that took many months, but here I am . . . almost as good as new. Were the fractures still there? Oh yes, of course. Once something was broken, you couldn’t just pretend that it hadn’t shattered into a million pieces. The cracks of my former life . . . as much as it killed me to still admit it . . . were still dancing along the surface of my rebuilt life . . . although faded they were still very much a reminder of everything that happened all those years ago.

God, how tragically sappy. The buzzing of my cell phone thankfully interrupted my thoughts. Looking down, I saw my boyfriend’s name flash onto the screen. I couldn’t help but smile. Here I was dwelling on the past when my future was calling. Paul had been away for the last three weeks facilitating a corporate merger between two well known companies. Headquarters for both companies were based in Boston, and although his law firm was centered in New York City, they wanted him to go out and meet the clients directly in their neck of the woods. He’d been flying in and out of Boston for the last few months. I missed him something fierce when he was away, but we’d been getting by through countless text messages and many FaceTime sessions.

“Hi, Handsome,” I answered. “I wasn’t expecting to hear from you until later today,” I murmured.

“Hey, Gorgeous, I know . . . but I just couldn’t let a whole morning go by without hearing your voice,” he responded.

“Well, lucky me then,” I smiled.

“Luck you indeed because I also happen to have a surprise for you,” he said.

“Ooh,” I hummed. “What kind of surprise?” I could feel my smile grow wider. Paul was something special . . . he was funny . . . sweet . . . caring and oh so thoughtful. He spoiled me. A lot. And I didn’t know exactly what I did to deserve snagging a guy like him, but I was certainly thankful for whatever powers that be that found us winding up together.

“Guess who was able to book an earlier flight and is flying in to see you in exactly three hours?” He said in a sing-song voice.

I was grinning so big my cheeks were starting to hurt. “Shut up!” I exclaimed. “Paul, that’s the best news I’ve heard all day. And you know what? You’re just in time for movie night,” I almost squealed. “They just haven’ been the same without you these last few weeks,” I laughed thinking about what it’s been like him without the last few weeks. I had used my best friend Andy as my stand-in date and she was less than thrilled at my movie selections. “I’ve had to resort to spending movie nights with Andy and you know how that goes,” I chuckled.

“Oh, I have a funny inkling about how that went down.” He chuckled. “Let me guess, she demanded it be a sci-fi flick?”

I groaned. “YES!” I exclaimed. “She tried to get me to watch Deep Impact three times,” I sighed. “I told her that I had no desire to watch a movie about a giant asteroid pummeling down to Earth, but she scoffed when I suggested Legally Blonde,” I said with a slight chuckle in my voice.

Andy had been the first friend I made when I moved back to New York. We found ourselves in the same creative writing class at Hudson University and instantly bonded over our love for all things French. Before you knew it, we were inseparable. I loved her to bits and pieces, but she drove me absolutely crazy. For every similarity we had, there were at least two differences. For one, I was an absolute neat freak . . . whereas Andy seemed to leave a trail of clutter wherever she went. Even our taste in movies differed astronomically. Andy was all about action-packed sci-fi thrillers, whereas I leaned more toward the cheesy romantic comedies. Despite our differences, and me wanting to throttle her a time or two, she and I became tremendous friends, and I absolutely, positively couldn’t imagine what life would be without her.

“Let’s just say that last movie night resulted in a full blown popcorn fight,” I laughed. “That I ended up cleaning all by myself,” I sighed. “There were many a moment I wanted to shove a handful of popcorn in her mouth just to keep her mouth busy,” I chuckled. I paused for a moment, before clearing my throat. “It’s been a long few weeks, Paul. I’ve missed you,” she murmured.

“I’ve missed you so much, too, baby. Remind me not to leave you this long again. Next time, I’m packing you up with me,” he laughed

I grabbed the newspaper and threw it in my tote bag. “Careful … I just might hold you to it.”

I glanced down at my watch and was a bit surprised with how much time had flown by. “Ah damn, if you’re coming home in a few hours I should head back to my apartment. Get things cleaned up a bit. Maybe we can do dinner at Russo’s tonight if you aren’t too jetlagged? Then maybe catch up on all our movie nights we missed while you were gone?” I asked hopefully.

“Anything you want, babe. I honestly don’t care what we do as long as I get to see your gorgeous face.”

I could feel my cheeks grow hot at his compliment. This guy. My God, was he a sweet talker or what? I got that our relationship was still in the honeymoon stage so to speak – we had only been exclusively dating for eight months after all, but man, did he know how to sweep a girl off her feet or what? Butterflies? Nope, I had full blown moths fluttering around in there, and somehow, he also managed to make me go weak in the knees each time I saw him.

Admittedly, I wasn’t exactly keen on the idea of going out with him at first, but I’m very glad that he was able to wear me down eventually. Yeah, the frequent trips to Boston were hard, but we were making it work. And surprisingly, we hadn’t even had a single disagreement since we first started dating. Our relationship was easy. Comfortable even. And well . . . normal. God, how I craved normalcy. Those were things that I never had with him. Then again, I don’t think there was anything really normal about my relationship with him. Ugh. I’m doing it again. Just stop.

Paul’s voice broke through my internal struggle. “There’s ah … something I wanted to talk to you about, too. Been thinking a lot about it while on the trip, and was hoping to run it by you today.”

“Oh? Okay, that sounds good,” I replied, as I waved a quick goodbye to Roxy. “I’ll see you in a few, babe,” I smiled as I tapped the end on my phone and left Roxy’s Coffee Shop.

The trek back home wouldn’t take me long as I only lived a few blocks away. There was so much I needed to do before he got in, but I was pretty excited to see Paul. FaceTime was great, but nothing could replace seeing him in person or hearing his laugh right across from me. We had met about a year after I returned to New York. I had finally picked myself back up and moved on from my time in Cordonia. I had reenrolled in college, finished my last semester and earned my Bachelor’s Degree in Business. Shortly after I graduated, I went to my local credit union and asked for a loan to start up my own business. It was a gigantic risk at the time – after all, I had no backup plan if I failed miserably. They started me off with a modest loan which I used to get the foundation of Savvy Events created. Even with the loan, money was tight. To cut down costs, I was working out of my apartment with only a single laptop and my design book.

Paul’s law firm was one of my very first clients. I’d been hired to coordinate an event honoring the firm’s newest partner – Paul. When I went in to meet with him for the initial consultation, I found myself surprisingly attracted to him. I hadn’t dated anyone since . . . well since Cordonia, and it wasn’t like I was looking to date again. My heart was pretty shut off from jumping into ANY relationship, and when I met Paul and felt a little spark, I tried my best to snuff it out. I didn’t NEED a relationship and I certainly didn’t WANT one. Especially after the shitshow that had happened back in Cordonia, but there was something about Paul that kept drawing me in . . . even though I wanted none of it. Paul was tall, slender with touches of gray in his dark hair. He was just under ten years older than me, and he had an air of sophistication that was very fitting of a corporate attorney. I tried my best to ignore the growing attraction between us. It was my first major gig and I could not screw it up by being attracted to the guest of honor. That would be a big no-no. I wanted to keep things professional. I also didn’t want my newly pieced back together heart, broken again. I tried so hard to pretend that there wasn’t anything between us . . . but each meeting had me falling a lot more in like with him than I wanted. He was sweet, charismatic and genuinely interested in knowing more about me. That’s why, I wasn’t all too surprised that when the party was over he had asked me out to dinner and wouldn’t accept no for an answer.

I agreed to a single dinner and made it clear that I wasn’t looking for anything serious. I didn’t go into a lot of detail, but just gave him the rundown that my heart had been smashed to smithereens and there was no way in hell I was going to fall down that black hole again. He was oh so patient and understood completely. That single dinner turned into a standing weekly date which then turned into frequent movie nights throughout the week. Eight months later, I’m still in major like with him. LIKE. Not love . . . I mean, yes, there have been moments when he does something so amazingly, sweet that I go all heart-eyes on him . . . but love . . . yeah, no. Thanks to him, I don’t really think I can ever “love” someone so freely again. If there was anything that I learned from my time in Cordonia it’s that love is a four letter word that makes you weak . . . and I’d be damned if I would allow myself to get swept up in that whirlwind again.

After wrestling with my thoughts, I found myself standing on the front stoop of my apartment building. It was the typical New York City brick-built walk up. It was in a pretty good area near a lot of shops and markets. It was also ridiculously close to the subway making it so easy to find yourself in any one of the other boroughs of the city. Because of that it was obscenely expensive. I mean, two bedroom apartments in New York are already obscenely expensive, but one in close proximity to the subway typically broke the bank. Thank God for Andy. Without her splitting of the rent, we never would have been able to afford something in this area.

I climbed up the three flights of stairs to my apartment unit, all the while, butterflies floated around happily in my stomach. My mind raced to what I was going to wear to our early dinner tonight. It also drifted to what Paul wanted to talk to me about. He seemed a bit vague about it.

“Hey,” I said happily as I walked through the front door. I threw my keys onto the island in the kitchen. Andy was sitting on the floor furiously typing away on her laptop. Papers were strewn all around her in different piles.

“How’s the thesis going?” I asked, eyeing a few of the crumpled, wadded up paper next to her.

Andy stretched her arms over her head, yawning. “I’ve been at this since seven this morning and got all of one page done. You tell me.” She snorted.

Andy was an English major who had earned her Bachelor’s Degree two semesters ago. Her educational goals were much loftier than my own. She wanted her PhD. I just wanted to get the hell out of school. It had already taken me a bit longer than expected to get my degree, and I didn’t have the funds or drive to continue any further beyond my BA.

Andy was in her second semester of Hudson’s Literary Studies MA program, and I didn’t envy her in the slightest. While my life had become consumed with all things Savvy Events, her life was consumed by her thesis. I didn’t understand why someone would willingly spend so many hours of their life working on a paper that could either make or break your educational endeavors, especially when there was going to be more schooling and papers waiting for her on the other side of her MA. She’d still have at least four more years in her doctoral program. I internally cringed at even the thought of it. Andy had mentioned a few times that she’d probably have to move out of state to pursue the PhD program that she wanted. I didn’t even want to think about what that meant for our friendship.

Andy had been my saving grace when I first moved back to New York. And if I were being honest, she was the only friend I had for quite a while upon returning. When I had come home to New York, a lot of my college friends had graduated and moved out of state. Even my old coworkers at Upscale had found new jobs and moved on with their lives. A lot changes in six months. I was left in a state of limbo, not really having anywhere to go or anyone to turn to. Meeting Andy was a blessing that I so desperately needed at a time when I wasn’t really sure what to do with my life.

I never really told Andy what happened to land me back in New York, and being the godsend that she is, she never pushed or pried. I vaguely mentioned that I had been traveling out of the country for a while, and she assumed that I had been a part of some foreign exchange program. She never prodded and I never corrected her because . . . well . . . talking about Cordonia . . . and him . . . would just reopen the wounds that had taken so very long to heal. I wanted a clean break from all things Cordonian. I left no contact number or forwarding address. I wanted them to forget I ever existed, and to be honest, I wanted to forget they had ever existed, too.

“Hey, one page is better than nothing right?” I popped open the refrigerator grabbing a soda can out of it. “Want one?” I said as I held up a can to offer Andy.

“I’m good. I’m wired on three cups of coffee right now. I don’t think my body can handle any more caffeine right now. So how was your day off?”

“It was fantastic.” I sighed happily. “Paul’s flying in today . . . in a few hours in fact.”

Andy cocked her eyebrow. “Really? I thought he was going to be gone for nearly a month?”

“Me too, but I guess his negotiations must have wrapped up quicker than expected, so he’s flying back. We’re doing dinner tonight at Russo’s, so you’re on your own tonight okay? Looks like my movie partner is back in action,” I chuckled as I made my way toward my bedroom.

“Thank God!” Andy exclaimed. “Your taste in movies is horrendous, geeze,” she sighed. “Wait . . . does that mean you guys are planning on coming back here and having some post business trip loving, because I was planning on working until at least eleven tonight.”

“Andy!” I yelled, turning away from my doorway. “Seriously?” I narrowed my eyes at her.

“I’m just saying! Every time that man goes away on business, you can’t keep your hands off of each other when he gets back. I mean, I get it, you’re still in the honeymoon phase of your relationship … but can you may be spread the lovey dovey googly eyes crap at his place tonight? I do not like being the third wheel,” she said pointedly.

“Stop it,” I scolded. “And we aren’t that bad,” I chided. “I mean . . . yes when he comes back from his business trips we are quite happy to actually be together in person again . . . but we hardly push any hard limits . . . we always keep it to a nice and comfortable PG-13 level, thank you very much.”

Andy waggled her eyebrows. “Sure, you keep telling yourself that.”

I rolled my eyes and threw my balled up jacket at her head. “I’m going to go get ready for tonight. Get your mind out of the gutter.”

As I turned into my bedroom and started to rummage through my closet for something to wear, I heard Andy enter my room behind me. "Hey, before you go off to get all glamorous for your date … you got mail today. Seems pretty fancy . . . and it looks like it has some sort of foreign postmark. Cor-something? I can’t make out the rest,” she said as she squint her eyes to make out the lettering.

My hand clenched on my closet’s door, an unsettling feeling forming in the pit of my stomach. “Foreign?” I asked, turning to stare at Andy, my jaw clenching. “What do you mean foreign? What’s it say?” I asked, abandoning the clothes in my closet.

Andy had the envelope in her hand and looked at it again. It was a cream-colored envelope. She scrunched up her face again. “Well, the postmark looked weird, and I had to sign some sort of funky slip of paper to acknowledge that I received it,” she shrugged. “I can’t really read the full postmark. Look,” she motioned to the envelope. “It even has a fancy red seal on it.”

My heart beat faster in my chest and my legs felt like they were turning into noodles. A wave of emotions washed over me. Foreign postmark . . . red seal . . . it couldn’t be. Could it? Not after all this time. I mean . . . it’s about two years too late to be reaching out. The thoughts hummed through my head as I eyed the envelope in Andy’s hand.

I cleared my throat, trying to steady my voice. “Does it say who it’s from?”

Andy shrugged nonchalantly, as if the letter she was holding wasn’t the ticking time bomb that it was. “Nope, just some sort of insignia.” Andy handed me the envelope. “Does it look familiar?”

I swallowed hard, my eyes dropping to the seal. My fingers traced the wax seal on the envelope. Did it look familiar? Of course it did. I’d seen the crest hundreds of times during my time in Cordonia. Bertrand and Maxwell had made sure that I was familiar with all of the court’s seals and crests. I wanted to speak, but my voice cracked a little in the process. How could this happen? Fifteen minutes ago I was so excited that Paul was flying home . . . . now all I felt was absolute dread. The butterflies from earlier were gone, replaced by a gnawing feeling of anxiety.

“Ri?” Andy questioned.

I lifted my head. “Hm?” I asked as I felt my eyes glazing over.

“Does it look familiar?” She asked again. I could sense the impatience growing in her voice.

“Y-yes,” I replied softly.

I could feel Andy’s eyes boring into me. “Well? What is it?” She asked. “Who’s it from?”

I licked my lips nervously, and cleared my throat. “It’s the family crest of House Beaumont from Cordonia.” I replied softly. My chest felt tight, and suddenly I couldn’t breathe. I braced myself on the arm of the couch, trying to sit down. I tried my best to remain composed, but I could already feel hot tears pricking my eyes.

Andy scrunched her face up in confusion. “From where?”

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