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ssantisheep · 7 years

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Dumas’ Musketeers series : My feels

I’ve finished all the books of the Three Musketeers series and here are some of my thoughts on the characters. But first, just so you know it’s divided in three :

Les trois mousquetaires (the three musketeers) : 4 volumes

20 ans après (20 years after) : 3 volumes

Le vicomte de Bragelonne (The Vicomte of Bragelonne: Ten Years Later) : 6 volumes

So it is very long and there is a lot of characters development. A LOT. There is also a lot of side characters that you will probably fell in love with but get ready those ones are the first to die.

/!\ SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS /!\

So first of all I’ll start by the Hero (even if everyone got their fair share)

D’Arthagnan: Slytherin as fuck. I see your raised eyebrows and honestly fight me on my headcanon for their HP house. Because I won’t change my mind. D’arth is slytherin or he is nothing. More than bravery what defines him is a quick-witted mind and the ability to come up with a lot of fucking cunning plan. Also, he is ambitious as fuck. He gets rewarded by the end but you will cry. (I did) Basically he get the fucking distinction he was waiting for all is life and die. (: you see me smiling I’m crying inside.

Very important D’arthagnan IS gay for Athos. Like Super Gaytm . They don’t even try to hide. They raise a son together; every time d’Arthagnan is in admiration in front of Athos, and Athos trust him with all his heart and in Twenty years after they are in opposite camp and it breaks their hearts but then D’arthagnan write a letter and explain that he still will help him and Athos is almost crying in joy of d’arthagnan still loving him. Thinking of the show the Musketeers : we thought it was gay but it wasn’t nearly as much gay as he could have been. *side eyed the show*

Also the show took the “slytherin : House of stupid dare” and make their d’arthagnan that way. (again, meet me in the pit if you disagree)

Porthos: Will break your heart too many times to count because Too good, Too pure for this world. For his friends especially. Porthos is being manipulated by EVERYONE!! And that was will lead to his doom I’m not even lying. Basically he is described as slow and doesn’t seem to be able to keep up with his friends scheme but will follow them to his death. He does put them to shame thought because his heart is so pure? And he always forgives them and loves them?? And so there are some times when d’art and aramis are like “fuck porthos is a way better man than us” like yeah buddy, he is. Porthos is a Hufflepuff don’t even think otherwise. Loyal as fuck and will fuck you up if you mess with his friends. Have the strength of ten man. He is Hercules reborn. IDEK. I love him.

Athos : Perfect Mantm there is pages that are just description of how beautiful and noble he is??? I believe Dumas had a crush on a real man and that was his inspiration? Or maybe Ideal Man? I don’t know. Gryffindor in my mind. Everyone love him and has a crush on him and want him to like them it’s embarrassing. Once told the King to kiss his ass (not with those words but he basically broke his own sword and throw it at king’s feet. So same thing really.) Have raised a son (with d’arthagnan) his son is perfect too. But a bit more emo. (d’arthy side? IDK) He only did one mistake: Milady. Always try to see the good side of everyone. I think it must be tiring being with him. Too perfect honestly.

Aramis: Slytherin too!!! OMG!! ARAMIS! So much feels about him. At first he was the lover and he was the cunning side kick of Athos and then at the end he become this meme :

“You Either Die A Hero, Or You Live Long Enough To See Yourself Become The Villain”

Like in the last Books of Vicomte de Bragelonne Aramis is the bad guy (for like 5 chapters but still enough to be fucked up) and YET!! He is the only one who survived. Porthos died because of him?? And he was ready to kill himself because of this???? WTF?? It is said that he is not really living though. Porthos was too important he lost him so he lost a part of his soul. Very gay for Porthos if you hadn’t understood yet.

He and d’arthagnan has the strangest relationship ever? (but also the most interesting one) Like there is multiple times where they have conversation trying to guess the other plans and lying and trying to manipulate the other?? I think they’re friend because their friends are friends? If you know what I mean? They still like each other but clearly they’re both too smart and they both get wary of the other. That’s literally the reason they can guess when the other is planning something because they ‘re ALWAYS SUSPECTING THE OTHER TO PLAN SOMETHING. (and if you supposed someone is always doing something at one point you will be right). I still love him but bitter ‘til the end about porthos’ death. It’s on you Aramis. On you, you fucker.

Raoul de bragelonne: Son of Athos and d’arthagnan. Clever, pure hearted, always calm, nice manners. Get his heart broken and decided to die. Also, had a friend whom he was really close but somehow it never reaches the epic-ness of d’arthagnan and Athos. And the funnier things: Athos tell him that indeed De Guiche is nice but not like d’arthagnan. #Athosdisappointedthathissonisstraight (no this conversation really happened I’m not making this up. It’s awesome).

Still pretty cool and pretty chill most of the time except in the last 3 books which is explained because his fiancé cheated on him with the King. So you know. Big deal. Also everyone is an ass with him about that because NO ONE WANTS TO TELL HIM?? Like he goes to his friend De guiche who told him to come home, but he doesn’t want to tell him about his fiancée, then D’arthagnan is like” a problem with louise?? HAHAHAHA NO WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT?? WHAT DO YOU MEAN I SERVE THE KING I SHOULD KNOW?? GOT A CAT ON FIRE GOT TO GO!!!” and it’s only Madame who tell him because she’s a bad bitch. :/ he is a gryffindor too.

Now it’s the time for the characters who SHOULD have been in every adaptation but weren’t and it’s a damn tragedy because they’re perfect : I call you attention to the servants.

So who are these men? These men all serve one of the musketeers and they’ll follow them to the end of the earth and honestly they’re pretty much perfect. (except one I guess)

Bazin; the only not perfect one. Bazin is with aramis. Only accepted because Aramis want at one point to retire and become a church man (he did btw). Doesn’t look favourably at d’arthagnan looking for his old master in 20 years after. Completely forgotten in Le vicomte. Have no idea what he became. no idea what HP house.

Mousqueton: Porthos’. Loyal but not very good at stuff except eating. Which : a man after my own heart, but still. Love porthos and porthos loved him greatly. Porthos willed him all his clothes and Mousqueton died immediately after because he couldn’t stand porthos death. It’s pretty tragic, guy I shit you not. hufflepuff

Planchet: D’arthagnan servant. At first is kind of unlucky but by believing d’art he become a millionaire. Love d’arth and would die to protect him. He is also hot-headed and is actually running from the government in 20years after because he is leading the revolution? Or some part. Also end up a candy maker so best development ever. Also marry a cute Holland girl Trüchen. So he got his happy ending! gryffindor

Grimaud: I LOVE HIM TO DEATH!!!! Grimaud is a BAMF. Will fuck you Up. Save everyone asses more time than I can count. Is a drama queen. Belong to Athos and since Athos barely speak he barely speak too. Honestly the amount of words he said can probably all fit in one Word page? But since he doesn’t speak he express himself via his face and sound and it’s fucking hilarious. Serve Athos before Athos ask anything. He is the Best. I want twenty book just on him. Seriously where is my spin off show? This guy survived everything. At the end he was old (fifty years I think? Even more) and still follow Raoul to Algeria and was the one to bring his body back to be buried? Bow to him because he is the Best man you’ll ever met. (if you’re wondering there is apparently a lot of Athos/grimaud fanfiction when you search for the books’ fics and boy… Do I understand this. Because trust me I was sad but then Grimaud cried at the foot of Athos bed when he died and d’arth found him and I start crying too, couldn’t stop. My heart ache for this man who lost everyone he cared about so fast.) gryffindor

OTHER CHARACTERS (but not all):

Rochefort : was supposedly a foe in the three musketeers, end up one of their good friend in 20 years after. So sore about the show because, damn it, Rochefort could have been much more awesome than the side Friendzoned guytm they gave us. gryffindor.

Constance: last two or three books? Start the bad habits of d’arth that consist of sleeping with his landladies. Not lying he does with the second one too. After that he live in the Castle so it’s complicated but you got the idea. Is cute but kind of unimportant in the grand scheme of things? Like D’arthagnan forgot about her quickly? Bonus point for the show for making her a major character but then less point with how they handle her husband. HP house: Hufflepuff.

Mr Bonacieux : an old white man. Should say everything. Redeem himself a bit in 20 years after but that’s all. HP house: none.

Milady : Die in the three musketeers but got a son that as cruel as her so it’s okay. Also never get close to the King or anything. D’arthagnan fucked her knowing who she was if I remember correctly. Because he needed information. Right. She is portrayed as a mean Bitch but I’m not sure she was. Maybe if the world wasn’t a man’s world she would have been happier. slytherin.

Mordaunt : Son of Milday. Is well decided to kill everyone involved in his mom’s murder. He is the one that Kill King Charles the 1st of England. ( Because yeah, the musketeers get involved in the english revolution and Republique. After all, why not? They are also the reason for the restauration! Bow down to us, English people without us who wouldn’t have your Queen. (kidding but honestly, it’s like the four of them are responsible for everything.) ) Anyway end up dying, killed accidently by Athos because Athos was too noble and tried to save him when he drowned and he decided that he should try to kill Athos anyway. Did not worked well for Mordaunt. slytherin/ravenclaw? not sure.

Felton: A secondary character that I fell in love immediately. Remind me of Brad from GK actually?? Is seduced and used by Milady and then he is killed because he betrayed his commander. #Feltondeservedbetter #justiceforFelton gryffindor.

The Queen : get saved by d’arthagnan but decided to promptly forgot about him. I’m neutral about her, she is not a bitch, she is kind sometimes, but she is a queen, have a lot of power and don’t necessarily use it well.

Louis XIII : … I can’t even remember a thing about him in the book outside of him being so easily manipulated by Richelieu?

Richelieu : the enemy not really enemy of our heroes. Like he is the reason they must save their queen but at the same time give them reward if I remember? So really… Nice, intelligent guy. Ambitious too : Slytherin.

Mazarin: a greedy Italian Richelieu that get to Bone the Queen. Yep. Love money more than anything. Want to have the four of the musketeers on his side. Only get D’Arthagnan and Porthos and again only half of them because they will always choose Athos and Aramis first. LOL! (more ravenclaw than slytherin maybe?)

Fouquet : Good man. I really liked him. Honorable. Intelligent. Good with Ladies apparently. Love his King more than anything, get fucked because of Aramis and Colbert. (Aramis didn’t mean it, Colbert totally mean it). Ravenclaw. His circle of friend include: Le Brun, Le Notre, Molière, La fontaine etc…

Colbert: appear as the villain. The moment Fouquet is out of the picture become a saint. D’arth is confused as I am. Ravenclaw too. Still wary of him because Fouquet was a nice guy. Not very good socially but still manage to get ladies.

Louis XIV : at the end is an Ass. Okay not really but you know he could have forgive fouquet since the guy save his ass but no. But again he is king and there this one night and day he spent in the Bastille because of Aramis so yeah, he become more ruthless. Grow up a lot through the books thought. Like his character development his high level. It’s interesting to see it. Probably Gryffindor because is ruled by passion for most of the story.

Philippe: Twin Brother of Louis XIV. Is king for a few hours but then he is sent back in prison with the famous iron mask on his face. Struck Fouquet and d’arthagnan (and Aramis) by his noble heart and the fact that he would have been a better King than Louis probably. Sad end to him but what can you do?Probably Gryffindor too. not nearly as ambitious as one could think.

Madame: Henriette sister of the King of England become the sister in law of Louis XIV. Queen B. Want to be loved by everyone and doesn’t like when other girls get attention. Still end up in love with De guiche. Slytherin.

De guiche: Bestie of Raoul. Met Henriette five second and fall madly in love with her. Like he doesn’t know her, she had no idea who he is but it’s game over. Get a lot of trouble but finally end up loved by her. Is acting as protector of La Vallière during Raoul stay in England. Good friend but not as good as D’arthagnan. Hufflepuff.

Louise de La vallière : I’d like to say that the only famous lover of Louis XIV I know was Madame de Montespan. So I had no idea who louise was and innocently I asked my mum “hey does Louise still end up with Raoul? “and my mum was like “Don’t you know your history? She is the first lover of Louis XIV. They have kids together I think” so I was crushed. And spoiled for the story but mostly crushed because I knew she was going to crush raoul’s heart. And I was right.But I still like her and she face so many abuse and she is so pure of heart? She get a lot of hates by d’arth at the end but remind him that in the position she is she will likely suffer. Is right about that. It end when is going to be replace by Montespan who was a friend of her. My poor lovely girl. Hufflepuff/Gryffindor. (she is very brave and face a lot of abuse but never loose hope and will die for the King and for Raoul... so I don’t know.)

There is a lot of other but I am neutral or just don’t really know what to say except “Become a Bitch” *think of the Montalais/Malicorne thing that never actually happened?? It’s implied but nothing is shown ?*

Anyway the reading was interesting because I kept having like Luke pasqualino in head and then will stumble into an illustration of a very white, with long curly hair and a moustache d’arthagnan and yeah… It’s weird. Make me sad about the show but realize that It’s impossible to adapt those books correctly. Too many characters, plots to fit into a movie and at the same time : not long enough plot to make a serie ?

But anyway A classic so nice to have add it. One question stay: why “Un pour tous et tous pour un” is such a famous line when it like mentioned once in the three musketeers and once in le vicomte de bragelonne. What happened?

Also sorry for the long post but to finish : if you have time read the book. You will probably cry but it’s very gay and fun and so many characters to love. And to hate :3

Also where is the HP AU guys ?

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