#lights hand intentionally obscures L’s mouth

[kittennature]

DROP THE DAGGER AND LATHER THE BLOOD ON YOUR HANDS ROMEO ‼️‼️

[ssunspoiled]

After some time, a video from Tolya comes through showing them in some kind of cave or burrow, dimly lit with warm light. The background, unfocused, is riddled with flora winding actively through it as if paths of running water.  As the height and angle of the video shifts to focus on the subject, it seems someone must be holding the camera. Tolya’s framed by the screen in a way that doesn’t show all of them, but it’s clear that they’re kneeling, a long (strangely long), androgynous figure dressed in layered black robes decorated with ornate floral gold. Scars mark their skin- the largest one a row of broad claw marks spanning across their throat, bisected by a dog collar with pink roses. Their hair is an impressive curtain that almost obscures an inhuman nature. Whiskers grow from their jaw, dark corners to their mouth mark animalistic lips, and their eyes practically glow a pale green that highlights thin pupils as they draw an intense attention up to the camera. In their lap they hold a gun, awkwardly small in huge paw-like hands. Softly spoken in a voice calmer than they look, they repeat the last thing that either of them had typed about this- “For you..”  And surprisingly, despite the insufferable cheekiness communicated in their written words, their voice captures more of a fondness than a gloating. As they speak they are very literally purring. “You’ve earned this, at l-least..”     A grin tugs their mouth wide for a moment, briefly baring thick, sharp teeth. Despite a sort of exhaustion about them, a manic excitement glints in their eyes. For something undead they seem to be breathing, the uneven breathing of adrenaline. Natural instinct lingers in them still, fear corrupted into anticipation and excitement, excitement! The purring grows louder with their unsteady breath as they bring the gun to their head and hold it, adjusting the angle very intentionally towards the back of the skull as they stare into the camera.. and then suddenly they calm. The moment lingers, the plant life in the background twisting and twitching with increasingly violent energy-- and then it goes. A clipped whimper cuts short as the gun goes off, their body jolting violently as a spray of pink spatters behind them. The gun drops. Their hands fall. There is no twitching beyond the initial spasm, none of the death throes that would signal proper loss of life, just spurting blood that stains down their front, and a slackening as if a slow loss of consciousness. It’s a fall from that intense, focused countenance to something mindlessly placid and calm. Even their whiskers droop. Their mouth falls just slightly slack, tired eyes staring unfocused into the middle distance..  Then they slump gracelessly forward. There’s a change of angle to be sure that this isn’t missed, the subtleties of the dark that runs through their hair and dampens their robes, only stark against parts of their face and neck. Up closer, it seems there were tears just starting in their eyes, not enough to fall. A few vines conspicuously coil up around their throat as if to strangle, but instead gently upright the corpse, while subtle movements beneath its trunk and arms languidly correct its slumped posture. The tip of one tentacle-like vine climbs over their lower lip as if considering entrance, before a few others creep up through their hair to slip, just off screen, into what must be the exit wound. The body raises its head to look at the camera, but there’s nothing behind those eyes. No intent. No thought.

And there the video cuts.

[megalony]

A mother’s love- Part 2

Here is the second part of my new King! Ben Hardy series which I hope everyone will enjoy, thank you all for the lovely feedback so far.

Taglist: @lunaticspoem @butlegendsneverdie @langdonzvoid @jennyggggrrr @rogermeddow @radiob-l-a-hblah @rogertaylorsbitontheside @chlobo6 @rogertaylors-lipgloss @sj-thefan @omgitsearly @luckytrashgooprebel @scarsout @deaky-with-a-c @killer-queen-ofrhye @bluutac @vousmemanqueez @jonesyaddiction @ambi-and-sunflowers @milanosaurus @httpfandxms @saint-hardy @7-seas-of-fat-bottomed-girls @mrsalwayswritex @rogerina-owns-me @peterquillzsblog​

Series taglist: @onceuponadetectivedemigod​

Series masterlist

Summary: Ben and (Y/n) lost their first baby but now they have a baby boy together, an heir to the throne. But life is far from easy when (Y/n)’s mental health starts to take a bad turn.

Enjoy.

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When (Y/n) managed to gain the energy to open her sore eyes, it took longer than it should have for her mind to come back around and work out where she was and what was happening. It felt like there was a storm raging in (Y/n)'s head and the mist was far from beginning to clear. All her limbs felt like they were bars of gold that were unwilling to comply with her demands and move.

Tears began to well in (Y/n)'s blurring eyes when she couldn't move an inch, feeling like she was about to sink further into the mattress until she disappeared forever. Maybe that’s what she wanted, to disappear into nothing, something in the back of her mind was telling her that disappearing would be better than waking up. But as her blurring eyes tried to look at her surroundings, (Y/n) saw that she was in her room that was lit with cascading lights of orange and pale yellow coming from the gap between the curtains.

Memories and voices swirled around in her head like they were stuck in a washing machine until (Y/n) could do nothing but cry at the events she was remembering that brought her here.

(Y/n) had wanted a baby so badly after losing her first, she had a desperate yearning to hold her baby in her arms and feel them moving and wriggling and smiling up at her or just to see their beautiful eyes open. But now that she had gotten what she wished for, (Y/n) didn't know if it was truly what she wanted. She didn't know if she was ready to be a mother when she couldn't find the emotions she wanted to possess towards her baby. She couldn't be a mother if she felt repulsion towards the baby that had caused her so much pain.

Her breathing quickened in pace when she felt a familiar hand rubbing up and down her arm but as soon as her eyes were staring up at Ben, hundreds more tears flooded her face and a broken sound escaped her lips.

She didn't exactly know why she was crying. Maybe it was because she could still feel the pain surging through her, maybe it was the thoughts that were making her feel like a horrible person. Or maybe it was the fact that whatever sedative had been pushed into her veins was making her feel like she was paralysed with no control over her thoughts or her body.

Whatever the reason was, (Y/n) couldn't stop the tears from falling, especially when she felt Ben's hand brushing against her face, his thumb swiping away the tears as best he could.

"Shh, it's okay baby, you're okay." Ben continued to run his hand over her cheek until (Y/n) seemed to find the ability to move. Her hands flailed around at her sides but her movements were slower than normal, most probably due to the sedative still not out of her system yet. When it became clear that (Y/n) was trying to move and push herself up, Ben took the initiative and carefully wrapped his arms around her frame. He effortlessly lifted her up until she was sat upright, leaning against the pillows that she sank into as they moulded around her frame.

Neither of them said anything for a few minutes as (Y/n) tried to gather her bearings and gain control over her own body again. But the more control she seemed to gain, the worse she started to feel. Her head was swimming, her body felt groggy and odd and her frame was starting to shake. The moment her hands and arms seemed to shake and jerk worse, (Y/n) enclosed her arms against her chest, her wide eyes full of confusion and pain which made Ben bite down on his lip to stop himself from crying too.

"It's just the medicine wearing out, baby, it won't last long." Ben inched a bit closer to (Y/n) before he moved his arms, waiting for her to tell him that it was okay to hold her. When (Y/n) found the ability to nod, Ben swooped in and wrapped his arms around her, relieved she wasn't pushing him away.

(Y/n) didn't know what time it was but it looked like it was sometime in the early morning, but that didn't tell (Y/n) if she had only been asleep for a few hours or if she'd possibly been out for over a day. But when she took note that Ben was wearing the same wrinkled white button up shirt as he had when she'd been in labour, she guessed it had been a mere few hours of sleep she'd gotten.

They stayed wrapped up like that for over ten minutes before (Y/n) felt the shaking gradually subsiding enough that she felt somewhat calmer and more in control. (Y/n) felt her chest slowly calming down rather than heaving from shock and pain and she pulled just a little bit out of Ben's comforting embrace so she could look up at her husband.

(Y/n) tried to force herself to smile but before she could even get the courage to form a smile, her eyes welled up with more tears and pain. She watched the confusion pooling in Ben's eyes and the worry on his face when he noticed (Y/n)'s sudden change in expression. But when her lips fell at the corners and her breathing started to stutter, he couldn't tell whether she was in some kind of pain or if something had suddenly dawned on her. Ben froze in his place, having no time to ask her what was wrong before (Y/n) was reaching her lightly trembling hand to the side of his face, and it suddenly dawned on Ben what was wrong.

"I- I'm sorry, I didn't mean to." (Y/n) could hardly speak through the tears and how dry her throat was causing her to croak. She remembered thrashing her arms out at Ben last night but she didn't realise she'd gone as far as to hurt him.

Ben had a cut on his jaw and a small bruise on his cheek that was barely visible but it was an eyesore to (Y/n) now she knew she'd done that. (Y/n) would never intentionally hurt Ben but she had been in so much pain that she could hardly remember last night.

Reaching his hand up, Ben placed his hand over (Y/n)'s as he managed to smile. He knew that (Y/n) didn't mean to hurt him and he would never hold it against her, she had been in so much pain and he knew sedating (Y/n) wasn't the right thing to do. He should have tried harder to calm (Y/n) down but she had been making herself worse so he thought it was the best thing to do.

"It's fine, sweetheart, it wasn't your fault... I shouldn't have let him sedate you." Ben turned his head to kiss the palm of (Y/n)'s hand, thankful she seemed to calm down rather quickly.

As angry and confused as (Y/n) had felt last night, she knew even though sedating her had made her feel groggy and awful right now, it had been the right thing to do. She had been in distress and (Y/n) didn't know if she would have been able to fall asleep without some kind of medication to help her.

Turning his head, Ben glanced his eyes over to the foot of the bed when he heard their baby boy quietly gurgling. For the past seven hours that (Y/n) had been asleep, Ben had been switching between keeping watch over their baby boy and keeping an eye on (Y/n). It had started to worry him when she didn't move a muscle because Ben knew (Y/n) always tossed and turned in her sleep, he usually ended up waking with (Y/n) sprawled on top of him or with her limbs entangled with his.

When the doctor gave their boy some medication it seemed to send him to sleep for a little while but he kept stirring and seeing him wriggling and waking up made Ben feel relief.

Slowly untangling himself from (Y/n), Ben pressed a tender kiss to her forehead before he moved to check on their boy, seeing if he was awake or not. Reaching into the cot, Ben carefully picked the newborn up and held him to his chest. Ben didn't think he was ever going to get used to this feeling when he could still clearly remember what it felt like to hold his baby who didn't wriggle or move or even open his eyes.

Ben perched back down on the bed, crossing one leg under the other before he turned to look at (Y/n) with a gentle smile.

"Do you want to hold him?" Ben moved his arms closer to (Y/n) but his smile faded from his lips when (Y/n) shook her head instantly. She didn't even seem to debate the question, she clearly didn't want him right now but what made Ben's heart shatter was how (Y/n) wasn't even looking at him.

She hadn't seen their baby boy, she didn't know if he had small tufts of hair or not, she didn't know what colour eyes he had, how big or small he was, she wasn't willing to even glance over at him. Ben's head leaned to the side as a sorrowful expression took over his face when (Y/n) closed her eyes and burrowed her head into the pillow as she slowly laid down.

(Y/n) didn't want to hold him, she didn't want to feel that different weight in her arms that would undoubtedly be moving this time rather than being a dead weight that she remembered. She didn't want to look at him because she had the image of her other baby engraved into her mind. If she stared at their boy for too long she feared she would forget what their first baby looked like and she couldn't have that.

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A small but rather nervous smile worked its way onto Ben's features when his eyes focused on (Y/n). He brought his hand to his mouth, biting down on his thumb like he was trying to obscure his smile or stop himself from smiling too widely and give away the reason why he was smiling.

Trying to keep his breathing slow and even, Ben approached the bed that (Y/n) was sitting on and moved to sit beside her. He kept a small membrane of space between them out of precaution but he continued to stay silent, watching the scene unfold before his eyes. Needless to say, when (Y/n) wouldn't hold or even look at their baby it rung alarm bells in Ben's mind. Considering when they lost their first baby, (Y/n) had almost fought with the midwife to hold her baby and refused to let him go.

But it had now been two days since their baby had been born and this was the first time Ben had seen (Y/n) holding their boy for so long. She held him for the first time yesterday afternoon and seemed to smile before putting him down, not saying a word. She went back to pick him up a few more times throughout the evening but not for too long.

"How do you feel?" Ben reached a cautious hand over to rub up and down her lower back as he leaned against the pillows, gently resting his head on her shoulder when she didn't pull away from him.

"A bit better, I think." (Y/n) found that it felt a bit easier to smile now than yesterday where it took a lot of energy to force herself to smile when she held her baby.

She still felt exhausted, in pain, confused and weak with no energy but she was much better than she had been for the past two days. (Y/n) had to keep putting their boy down yesterday because she couldn't stop herself from imagining how much of a dead weight he felt and she kept having to stop herself from pressing her finger to his neck to check his pulse. It felt too familiar, too much like she was slipping back into the past when their boy wasn't screaming at her.

But he was calmer today, he was settled and Ben had given him some of the medicine the doctor left so he wouldn't be feeling any pain from his broken bone. (Y/n) could hold him better when he wasn't screaming, she felt more relaxed and when he wriggled it made her feel so much relief.

"Good, are you hungry? You haven't eaten anything yet." Ben pressed his lips to her shoulder, begging for her to say she was the slightest bit hungry because for the past two days (Y/n) had only been having drinks of juice and no food.

"Not really... I- I might get some fruit or something in a little while." (Y/n) knew eating would make her feel more awake and give her some energy but she was too tired and her appetite had disappeared since labour started. But she was in a much more elated mood right now so she might try and force herself to eat a little food in a while.

Ben hummed against her skin, focusing his eyes on their baby boy who was almost back to sleep in (Y/n)'s arms.

"Can we call him James?" (Y/n)'s sudden question surprised Ben and caused him to pick his head up from her shoulder so he could look at her properly. Names had been discussed a lot during the pregnancy but nothing had been decided and no name in particular had been put on a shortlist. Ben had thought about a few names but he didn't want to talk about that yet until (Y/n) felt better.

He noticed her tone seemed rather placid like she was indifferent about the subject or that it wasn't much of a big deal but he brushed off the thought and concentrated on how much better (Y/n) seemed to be feeling today.

"I think that's a good choice." Ben brushed his finger over James' cheek whilst he let the name sink in.

Choosing a name wasn't easy because any name they chose had to be a name that came from the royal line, such as Henry or Charlie (Charles) or Victoria or Mary, something traditional that people would agree with. James was certainly a traditional name and it was one (Y/n) could agree with. She couldn't dare to pick Charlie because although it was a good name for a kid, the thought of his proper name being Charles put her right off.

When they had their first boy the thought of a name slipped from Ben's mind for a while because he'd been rendered thoughtless from learning their baby was stillborn. He couldn't think of naming him when he knew he wasn't going to breathe or grow up or even open his eyes. But a name had been pressing on (Y/n)'s mind and she wanted to call him Finn, after a good friend.

Ben's mother had dared to tell (Y/n) that Finn wasn't traditional and therefore it couldn't be chosen but she soon backed down when (Y/n) angrily cried that he was dead and therefore wouldn't take the precious throne so a traditional name didn't matter. No one else disagreed about the name when it was for a deceased child.

(Y/n) smiled lightly as she adjusted James in her arms but her smile couldn't reach her eyes or her heart.

James had the left sleeve of his onesie safety pinned to his chest to keep his arm in place so he didn't disturb his broken bone and that was catching her attention. He came into the world screaming like his pain was worse than her own and he demanded the attention he didn't deserve. (Y/n) had heard the maids and even her parents whispering about 'the poor baby' and how he had 'suffered' but they didn't know the meaning of the word. James had it easy as far as (Y/n) was concerned, he was the one who decided to move when he shouldn't have and he got himself stuck, that was his own fault so he deserved what came to him.

The doctor had to hurt (Y/n) in order to get James into the world and all he got was a broken bone for his own trouble. (Y/n) was the one who felt like she'd been stabbed over a hundred times and had to have the doctor messing around twisting and turning the baby that had gotten stuck. She was the one who started bleeding badly because of James' ignorance.

Now everyone was just going to see James' pain and fuss over him without realising what a nuisance he had been to (Y/n).

There was a part of (Y/n) that was also wondering why James couldn't have been a girl. If he had been a girl then (Y/n) could have felt a bit better, a bit easier in herself. If she had a girl when everyone was hoping and expecting for a boy it would have made her smile in their faces. Everyone had told her how she needed to produce an heir and they meant a boy, but if she had a girl their heads would have turned in distaste, they would have been annoyed and (Y/n) could have laughed and felt proud to have a future Queen rather than a King.

(Y/n) went through all of that pain and turmoil just to give everyone what they had been wanting when they didn't deserve it. All of those spectators, the members of the council and her own family made her feel worthless and like she was only good for having a child and she gave them the boy they wanted.

(Y/n) was brought out of her sinking thoughts when there was a knock at the door that caused a shiver to run down her spine. For the past two days the only person who had been able to enter the room other than Ben was the doctor. (Y/n) didn't want to see anyone else, not even allowing any of the maids to come into the room at all.

Her eyes darted to look at Ben like she was begging for him to tell them to go away but both their eyes drifted to look back to the door when it slowly opened and Ben's mother peeked her head around the door.

"Hello dears, can I come in?"

A sigh passed through (Y/n)'s lips before she dully nodded, trying very hard to refrain from rolling her eyes. She could hardly say no when she had pushed everyone out for the past two days. Normally by the second day at the latest, the royal couple would go and let a few pictures be taken of them and the newborn. But (Y/n) had been far too ill to do so and she wouldn't let anyone take James out of the room despite not wanting to hold him.

When Anne walked into the room and perched down on the bed near to (Y/n) her eyes seemed to light up as a smile formed on her lips when she peeked over to look at her first grandchild. There was no doubt that she was pleased it was a boy but if she spoke those views Ben knew well enough that (Y/n) would force his mother out of the room at once.

"Oh, he's beautiful! How is he, not in any pain I hope?" She brushed her fingers over the small ash coloured tufts of hair on top of his head but her words made (Y/n)'s smile fall from her lips.

(Y/n) was in pain.

"No, he's fine." (Y/n) kept her eyes on James, not seeing the worry pooling in Ben's eyes when he looked over at her. He'd been with her long enough to know when something was wrong and he knew it was to do with James but all he could think of was that (Y/n) didn't know how to cope when they'd ended up with no child last time around. This was hardly going to be smooth sailing for either of them.

"Oh good, come on let me hold him."

Something stabbed at (Y/n)'s heart when those words registered in her ears but she didn't know why. She was hardly one to want to hold James for very long right now but the thought of someone other than Ben holding and tending to him felt like someone was prodding at her heart.

(Y/n) held her breath in her lungs for as long as he could manage when she settled James into Anne's arms before recoiling her arms to her chest. Why did it feel so wrong to give him to someone else just for a few minutes when she didn't feel attached to him? Surely it was a good thing to let someone else have James for now?

Barely a minute had passed since Anne took James into her arms but Ben could clearly see that it was causing some kind of distress for (Y/n). The way she was subconsciously scratching at her shoulder and neck was like she was trying to gain back some kind of control over herself or telling herself she had to be calm when she didn't feel like it. Saying nothing, Ben moved his hand until his fingers were entwining with (Y/n)'s to stop her from scratching when she got dangerously close to breaking the skin.

"We've decided to call him James." Ben smiled over at his mother, watching as she looked up from the newborn to smile at the couple, clearly it was a name she could agree with.

"Oh, that is a nice name, fitting for a little prince." (Y/n) leaned her head to the side at Anne's words, focusing her vision on James to try and calm herself down but it wasn't working. She didn't think he looked like a James, no child looked like they suited their name but she hoped he would grow into the name. "I think it's much better than... oh what was it-"

"Finn." The word passed through gritted teeth before (Y/n) tore her hand from Ben's. If it was up to her there would be no guidelines about what they could or couldn't call their children just because it didn't sound posh enough. Finn wasn't a posh name but (Y/n) didn't like the snobbish, high class names, she'd rather have something down to Earth that she knew she liked. She wanted to pick something that sounded nice, not that sounded wealthy.

"Mother, please don't do start that now." Ben's tone was warning his mother that she was treading on thin ice and he hardly sounded kind.

"I only meant that-"

"Can you go now?" (Y/n) chipped in before she suddenly leaned forward and took James from her arms without asking or giving her a chance to realise what was going on. (Y/n) shushed James when he whimpered at the sudden movement and she rocked him in the crook of her arm, desperate for him not to start crying or she would have to hand him over to Ben. She couldn't deal with his cries right now.

(Y/n) refused to look over at Anne, she kept her focus solely on the baby in her arms, nor did she care to listen to whatever Anne said before Ben urged her to go. He saw no point in letting his mother stay and distress (Y/n) when she still wasn't very well. She was holding and tending to James and that was a vast improvement, Ben didn't want his mother to jeopardise that.

Moving her hand, (Y/n) gently brushed her thumb over James' arm that was pinned to his chest to try and make him feel more comfortable. But when he began to whimper, a sigh left her lips before she brushed her thumb over his cheek to try and calm him down. Why was he starting to cry? He was on pain medication for his injury but (Y/n) wasn't. No one had offered her any pain relief for her broken body or her tattered mind and soul, she was stuck in her pain but James was given the relief because he was the little baby prince.

'You don't know what pain is.'