#like I’m here absolutely losing my mind...... they’re just partner private investigators...... best friends.......

[declanwidow]

cried over the moment fleet thinks he and clara are celebrating their anniversary even tho they never started dating today........ girl help

[jlf23tumble]

Fic rec anon here, and I'm blanking in the moment! I know you have a lot of recs and I love them all. Maybe your favourite AUs? Broadly speaking? Seeing some of them might help jog me into more specific categories ! xx

Gotcha, sort of like my prison rec list, only I like to think of it more in terms of what would I have on my phone to read when I’m bored and traveling, lol. Obvs, this sort of list is super hard, but having it focused on AUs kinda helps? At any rate, this isn’t a deep dive, it’s just my top level, so hopefully it’ll spark you. These are in no particular order, so come back if you want more!

Tuxedo Dress-Up, by Blake (honestly, ANYTHING in this fandom by Blake, I file this one under hot and hilarious, but every line is just swooooon). Louis is an aspiring song writer by day, a makeup artist for drag queens by night, and masquerading as a full-time real estate agent for his third most famous (and first most handsome) client Harry Styles.Or, five times they fail to fuck in a closet, and one time they get it right.

Once Upon a Dream, by objectlesson (again, ANYTHING by Phoenix, and most of it is canon, but where to even start with her AUs, jesus god, I struggled to rec just one, so I went with the AU she gifted me, ilu!!!!). “M’not gonna half-ass our fake relationship,” Louis almost snaps, voice sharp with a defensive edge, like Harry wandered too close to a bruise with needy fingers. “Now kiss me again. We’re gonna make every shitty tourist here wish they had stayed in the Midwest. We’re gonna burn Disneyland down with our gay.” Or, a fake dating AU where everyone is lying and they happen to be at the Happiest Place on Earth.

knock knock, i love you, by @thelovejandles aka beautlouis (another one of my fave authors in this fandom, proof that wips DO finish, and they’re absolutely worth it). Harry and Louis get kicked out of a statistics exam for passing a knock knock joke note, and subsequently fall in love. Harry's a virgin, there's a cat, a hot cocoa date, a lot of sex, even more knock knock jokes, and everything is lovely and happy.

Tied Down, by @ham-palpert (the twists and turns here, my goddd, just masterful) The most interesting case in Liam and Niall's careers falls directly into their laps, courtesy of an epic fuck-up of one Harry Styles, partner to the almost-infamous drug dealer Louis Tomlinson. The investigation yields an unexpected yet satisfactory outcome for Liam and Niall. For Harry and Louis, however, things are far more complicated.

Alien Roadtrip! by @helloamhere (needs ao3 account; I love desert roadtrips, and this captures that vibe perfectly, plus it’s hilarious). For the first time in his life, Louis doesn’t know where he’s going. Harry doesn’t mind. Or, a roadtrip with desert feelings, too much snack food, and empty motels. Harry is definitely absolutely not an alien. That would be ridiculous.

Harry Styles Cooks..., by @magicalrocketships aka sunsetsmog (aka the very best wip on earth, I weep with joy whenever I get the notif). In which Louis Tomlinson can’t cook, there’s a very special shower curtain, and Harry Styles used to be a baker. Or Louis owns all of Harry Styles’ cookbooks, and he never intends to cook a single thing out of any of them.

just call me inspiration, by @hereforlou (in which I *am* Liam Payne, porn editor!) The truth is Louis knows he’s going to hell, if there is such a thing, but it isn’t because he writes erotic fiction for a living. If anything, it’s because his muse, the reason he’s inspired to write about people shagging in increasingly creative ways everyday, is the sweetest, loveliest, most genuine (and completely oblivious) future children-book illustrator in the world.

Buried Like Treasure, by @becomeawendybird aka quickedween (marcel marcel marcel!!!). Prince Harry Styles is very private. He chooses to keep himself out of the public eye but feels lonely and isolated while surrounded by people in his hectic royal life. When he finishes his dissertation, he decides to take a solo holiday to one of the royal family's properties in the Swiss Alps. Semi-retired thief Louis Tomlinson has been pulled in for one last job: steal a painting from an uninhabited mansion. Neither one of them expects a natural disaster.

into another serotonin overflow, by @mercutionotromeo (this story packs a LOT into a little, it helped inspire my sideblog with smaller fic recs, actually). Harry's the yearbook photographer who's been assigned to take pictures of Louis, the new captain of the football team. Harry's got a massive, obvious crush on Louis and somehow, Louis feels the same way.

Turning Page, by @daisyharry aka purpledaisy (pretty much every on-set picture I see of Harry these days just makes me tag it for this fic). “You wanna buy Harry a drink?” Louis lets his eyes drip back to Harry, to his wide eyes and the way his shoulders curve down. He really is pretty – Louis will be the first one to admit it and the last one to ever say it out loud. Louis almost smirks and his lips twitch as he tilts his head, “Not particularly, no.” An AU where Harry Styles tries to get lost in a place he’s never been. Louis Tomlinson has been perfecting the art of being lost for years. What they don’t expect to find is each other.

hush. by wankerville (this story is achingly evocative of just about every shitty small American town, but my god is it beautiful, the sweetness of how it ends). “I don't like you like that, Harry.” “See,” Harry starts, Louis can hear the smile in his voice, “that's where I think you're lying.” Or an AU where small towns suck, louis is losing it, and harry’s just too perfect.

Three French Hems, by @gloriaandrews and @100percentsassy (I wish I could pick just ONE of my top three from these two, but alas...do persimmons smell like come? discuss).  In which Louis is a designer at Burberry and Harry spends December wearing Lanvin… and Lanvin… and Lanvin.

Thought the Song Was Sung, by @gloriaandrews and @100percentsassy (see above, pretty much, and how happy I am that the tweets still show up! with Dame Julie Andrews even!!). Louis never auditioned for the X-Factor. Years later, Harry's just another gay ex-boybander who lives alone with his cat... until Niall decides to take matters into his own hands and set up a profile for Harry on a dating website.

Wild and Unruly, by @gloriaandrews and @100percentsassy (Iconic, even the abstract is iconic, everything still holds up. oh for cute, etc. etc.). Harry is a cowboy sitting on the biggest oil reservoir in Wyoming, and Louis is the paralegal assigned to pressure him into selling his land.

Are You Gonna Be My Girl? by loadedgunn (another one that inspired my sideblog dedicated to short fics! So much greatness packed in, Jesus, it’s in my top five for sure). Louis reenacts his first time, and Harry wants to be his good girl.

“burn this flame” by @rainbowninja aka rainbowninja167 (anytime I reread this, I smile...filed under hot and hilarious). When Harry gets invited to play in a celebrity charity match with Louis Tomlinson, Manchester United's star player, he's determined to impress him with brilliant football skills. The only flaw in Harry's otherwise foolproof plan? He has absolutely no football skills, brilliant or otherwise.

Challenging Nature: A Look into Male Lactation, by @jaerie (hands down, one of my fave kinks, handled fantastically well...and this isn’t the author’s only one!).  Even taking into account all the bizarre things Harry has subjected himself to in the past for the sake of an article, Harry has received his strangest assignment yet. It comes up as a random misunderstanding in a meeting and builds into a conversation — can men breastfeed? Internet searches reveal documented cases of male lactation popping up at different times throughout history, but are any of them true? Can a man will himself into lactating? Harry has two months to make it happen.

like how your hands feel me up and down, by ballsdeepinjesus (this author wrote a lot of my faves back in the day, I have so many ~thoughts about the amazing writers in this particular era). “It’s -- you’re tight,” Louis chokes. “It’s tight, I mean. It’s. Yes.” His hand is curved around his hip now, squeezing lightly. “Tight’s good, right?” Harry murmurs, batting his eyelashes. He almost can’t believe himself. “Very good,” Louis grunts. Or louis works in a halloween shop and harry needs a costume.

baby look what you've done to me, by ballsdeepinjesus (see above; even the username kills me). The next day kind of turns everything upside down, though. Louis gets another lingerie catalogue addressed to Harry. He’s about to toss it when he sees a personalized note stuck to the front; it thanks Harry for his previous purchases and offers him a complimentary six-month subscription to their magazine free of charge. Or louis moves into harry's old flat. harry gets a lot of mail.

Take Our Bodies Higher, by @littlelouishiccups (I’m something of a connoisseur of the phone sex trope, so the way this author flips it and makes *Harry* the operator plus what ensues? chef’s kiss!). Harry wasn’t often caught off guard at his job anymore. He called different men Sir, Master, or Daddy for work almost every week, but he’d never been told he was a good boy in a voice quite like that. In which Harry is a phone sex operator and Louis dials a wrong number.

Make a Dime Go One Hundred, by @screwstyles (I’d rec this for their jobs alone, but everything in it, just wow). “Do you think you could trust anyone enough to have full control over you?” he asks into the night, hoping his sentence won’t break their bubble. It doesn’t, if the way Harry’s eyes meet his is any indication.“What do you mean?” Harry’s voice is barely above a whisper, rough from the singing they had done earlier. Louis wants to keep this memory forever.“You know, if someone wanted to, uhm,” he coughs, “to tie you up, or blindfold you.” Or a friends to lovers AU where Harry volunteers to help Louis experiment with bondage. Things don’t go exactly to plan.

it ain't trickin' if ya got it, by sarcasticfluentry (needs ao3 account; I often stare at the wall and wonder what another installment in this universe would be, fuckkkkk, it’s so good, I only wish the social media was still in it). 28-year-old blockbuster actor Louis Tomlinson rushes home to give his 20-year-old model boyfriend Harry a good seeing-to after a particularly provocative Instagram post and, in his excitement, alerts the entire world. Featuring daddy kink, anal beads, and feelings.

If You Asked Me if I Love Him (I'd Lie), by allyasavedtheday (needs an ao3 account; it’s a sequel, but I reread it over and over vs. the first piece).  Or the one where Harry and Louis eloped but neglected to mention it to anyone. Meanwhile Lottie is getting married and the only way for them to not steal her thunder is by pretending they're just friends for the weekend. Featuring Harry and Louis as terrible liars who don't know the meaning of the word platonic and some Tomlinsons and Styleses who definitely don't believe them.

Damn, I could go on, but I’ll stop! My sideblog dedicated to short fics is @marathonficbreak, and it has some smaller ones, if this is too intimidating, lmao...hope some of them are new for you, enjoy!

[falseroar]

Silver and Peppermint (Part 1)

((Back in August I had the idea of trying to do AU August, only to get totally wrapped up in a different project. As a part of that, I wrote this Monster Hunter!Abe AU, a murder mystery which kind of turned out way longer than the one shot I meant it to be at about 7/8 parts in all. Might be related to a certain Goretober prompt I wrote last week, if you don’t mind probably obvious spoilers.

I’m using the same tag list as from Can You Wake Up?, although I know this is a very different thing. If you’d rather not be tagged in this or future parts I totally understand, just let me know.

Warnings for series as a whole: References to blood, death, murder, poison, and werewolves.

Links to Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, and the Epilogue.))

“A monster hunter? Really, Damien?”

Abe paused outside of the Mayor’s office with one hand outstretched to knock and glanced behind him, but the receptionist was already almost back to her desk after showing him where to go. He should knock and let them know he was out here, but as a professional he knew the importance of getting the lay of the land before jumping straight into a new case.

Plus, he was nosy.

“I had to do something,” came the rich voice that Abe recognized as belonging to the mayor, the same voice he heard over the phone just yesterday. “The police are stumped and the press is having a field day. The last thing we want is a mob with pitchforks and torches looking for someone to blame.”

“I have leads, the police are just too scared to move. They’re not used to handling this kind of thing, not with the risk it involves.”

“Which is why I called in a professional.”

It was as good an introduction as he could hope for, so Abe knocked on the office door and walked in at the mayor’s invitation.

“Ah, you must be Abe,” the man said as he rose from behind his desk and leaned over to shake Abe’s hand. “I’ve heard a lot about your previous work.”

“And I’ve heard a lot about your current problem, Mr. Mayor,” Abe said, narrowing his eyes as he sized the man up. Well-dressed, slicked black hair, and a genuine smile that looked out of place on a politician. And a cane beside his desk, black with a silver top. Did he need assistance getting around? “You made the right call, bringing me in before this got any worse.”

“Please, call me Damien.” The mayor paused, his eyes flickering toward the other person in the room as though in response to a sound they made, and said, “And this is the District Attorney, Y/N. They will be working with you to find the culprit behind these vicious attacks.”

“What?” Their disbelief at those words almost matched Abe’s own. “Damien, please. Now isn’t the time for jokes.”

“I wasn’t joking, my friend,” Damien said as he sank back into his chair. “Abe is highly qualified and comes with the best of recommendations, but he doesn’t know this city like you do, and at this point you know the case better than anyone. It only makes sense that you would serve as the city’s liaison during this investigation.”

Abe cleared his throat and said, “I think some of those recommendations might have mentioned that I don’t have the greatest track record when it comes to partners.”

He tried hard not to look at the District Attorney, but he had noticed the way they looked him up and down when he walked in, the distaste in their eyes as if even his very presence bothered them on a deeply personal level. They couldn’t have been any more the kind of partner he would have chosen for himself if given the chance.

“While you do have a…worrying tendency to lose partners, I believe Y/N can handle it. There isn’t anyone in this city that I would trust more,” Damien said, smiling at the District Attorney who appeared to bite back a word at that even as they began to crack.

“…What do you know of the situation?” they asked, turning to face Abe.

“Three victims already, all attacked at night as if by a wild animal. Except wild animals don’t walk into a person’s home and lock the door behind them when they’re done,” Abe answered. “Nothing I haven’t seen before, of course.”

“It’s four now,” the DA said with a sigh. “That’s why I stopped by here. They found another one in the park this morning, less than an hour ago.”

“Sounds like the scene should still be fresh then,” Abe said, and realized he may have sounded a little too enthusiastic judging by the Mayor and his DA’s reactions. “The faster we get there, the faster we can catch the beast responsible. Think you can handle it, Partner?”

“I am not your partner,” the District Attorney said, flashing the Mayor a look when he made a sound at that.

“You two will be reporting directly to me,” Damien said. “I want you to keep me updated on everything, and I’ve already received assurance from the Chief of Police that he will provide all the manpower you need once you find the person or creature responsible. I’m counting on you.”

He had heard that tune plenty of times before. No one called him in unless the situation was truly desperate, because everyone thought they could handle it on their own until people started getting angry and looking for someone to blame. That Mayoral seat was probably starting to look unsteady if they’d already lost four people in less than a month.

But the District Attorney looked deadly serious as they nodded to the Mayor and led the way out, leaving Abe to follow in their quick, brisk steps out of the building and down the marble steps to the street below.

“How long have you known our dear Mayor?” Abe asked once he caught up and fell into step alongside them.

“…Since university,” they answered. “He is one of the few friends I have from back then.”

Probably one of the few friends they had in general, Abe thought to himself. As if sensing his thought, they gave him a frown and asked, “And how long have you been roaming around playing monster hunter?”

“Playing? This isn’t some kind of game, I save people’s lives,” Abe said. “I’ve slain vampires and werewolves, caught witches and rooted out a ghoul running a pie shop. Vicious monsters, every last one of them.”

The District Attorney stiffened and he could feel the anger rolling off of them as they crossed the street and led the way to the trees in the distance that marked the park in the center of the city. They took so long responding that he had almost give up on getting another word out of them.

“A pie shop?”

“Yeah, that one was…” He winced, putting a hand to his mouth. “Still can’t look at meat-based pies the same way. Lost a good partner in there too. Blueberry pie to the face.”

The District Attorney did a double take at that one but failed to ask any follow up questions before they arrived at the police tape blocking off the entrance to the park. There an officer recognized the District Attorney and led them both farther into the cover of the trees, off the path to where a sheet covered the body.

“We’ve already been over everything,” he said. “A pair of joggers noticed the new marks on the trees and the crows hanging around this area so they came over to investigate. Victim is a male, maybe in his thirties, same injuries as the others. We’re still looking to identify him, so we don’t know if there’s any connection yet.”

“Out in the open this time,” the District Attorney said as they strayed around the area. Abe noticed that they kept their distance from the corpse, their eyes instead focused on the claw marks on the trees, in the soft ground that wasn’t soaked in blood.

“Nowhere’s safe,” the officer muttered.

“What was that?” Abe asked.

“Nothing. Look, I should get back to guarding the perimeter. You two can find me if you have any more questions, okay?”

And with that he was gone, leaving Abe with the District Attorney and the body. Without waiting for an invitation, Abe pulled back the sheet to get a better look at what was left of the victim.

“What are you doing?” the District Attorney snapped a few seconds later.

“Getting a read on the corpse,” Abe answered without looking up. “It’s my expert opinion that he died at three-thirty last night. Strange time to be out in the park.”

“He may have been chased here,” the District Attorney said. They knelt and Abe saw they were examining something in one of the bushes.

“Nice find, Partner!” They jumped when Abe was suddenly at their side to get a better look at the clump of light hair caught in the branches of the bush. “Is this fur?”

“Don’t do that,” they protested, scrambling away as he pried off a few hairs and sniffed them. “And don’t—Did you just lick that?!”

“Wolf hair,” Abe muttered.

“How do you know that?!”

“Like I said, I’m a professional,” Abe said as he straightened up and began taking a closer look at the ground all around. “And I’ve worked with enough of these beasts to spot the signs from a mile away. Look at this, Partner.”

“Stop calling me that,” they said, but followed his stare.

And then swore softly as they knelt, one hand hovering over the massive paw print left in the soft ground for reference. Not only was the paw print nearly twice the size of their hand, the depth suggested the weight and size of the beast that left it behind.

“Werewolf,” Abe said with absolute certainty and the District Attorney’s shoulders tightened, their hand curling into a fist. “I’d know one anywhere.”

“This isn’t right,” they said softly. “Last night wasn’t a full moon, if whoever this was changed then they had to have been…They were in full control.”

“And they knew exactly what they were doing when they attacked this poor schmuck and all the others,” Abe said, privately impressed. Most people weren’t aware that werewolves had the ability to change at any time, and usually didn’t live long enough to learn from their mistake. He lost a partner once that way, and never intended to make that mistake again. “See any sign of where it went?”

They spent a few minutes trying to follow the trail in either direction, but aside from a few furrows in the ground farther into the park it was no good. Even there they could not be certain if the marks suggested the werewolf had been chasing its victim out of the park or fleeing further in. A sweep of the park proved that whoever it was, they were long gone now.

“Well, guess there’s nothing for it but to tell your mayor friend what we’re dealing with,” Abe said, brushing some dirt off of his knees after spending several minutes examining some droppings that turned out to have come from a rabbit. “Full moon’s only a few nights away. If this sicko is like this when they’re in control, I don’t want to see them the rest of the time.”

The District Attorney nodded in mute agreement, and remained silent all the way out of the park with barely an acknowledgement of the officer outside. Abe thought that was probably for the best; better to let the news come from the top than spread out from the bottom and cause a panic in the city. But he didn’t think that was the reason for the attorney’s silence, judging by their furrowed brow and shaking hands.

Just as he was about to say something that would probably make them hate him even more, the District Attorney said, “I need some coffee. Do you want anything?”

“…Sure,” Abe answered. He wasn’t about to say no to a good cup of coffee, especially if the caffeine might help calm the attorney’s nerves. Poor kid must not be used to this kind of thing here in the city, he mused as he followed them into a small shop on the corner.

One where they must be a regular customer, judging by the way the barista called, “Y/N! We were starting to wonder when we’d see you again. Your usual?”

“Please,” they said, already reaching for their wallet.

Abe ordered the darkest cup of tar he could find and winced when he smelled the cup that was placed on the counter, the scent of peppermint overpowering even from a distance.

“What the hell is that?” he asked.

“Mine,” the District Attorney said, scooping the cup up and breathing heavily from the warm fumes. Almost immediately they began to relax, or at least as much as they seemed capable of.

“You gonna drink that or just inhale it?” Abe asked as he picked up his own cup and left a tip in the jar.

“Jury’s still out,” the District Attorney replied. They held the door open for him and followed him back to the mayor’s office.

“A werewolf?” Damien asked once they had finished explaining what they found to him. Or once Abe finished; the attorney still seemed less than ready to talk about it, but Abe was familiar enough with filling the silence left by less than talkative partners. “Are you sure?”

“Not a doubt in my mind,” Abe said, noting how Damien glanced at the attorney for confirmation, who gave a single nod in response. “Look, we need to get ahead of this before it gets any worse. One survivor with a bite and we’ve got an outbreak on our hands. I suggest a curfew and a kill on sight for any wolves spotted within ten miles. Do your police have access to silver bullets?”

“Yes, because we want them using the highest-quality of bullets when they put down the neighbor’s lost dog,” the District Attorney said, sarcasm dripping from every word. “Don’t you think we need to put some effort into finding the culprit instead of shooting anything in the right shape?”

“Maybe they should have put a collar on it if they cared,” Abe muttered, not wanting to admit that they had a point. Even if properly armed, the cops would be jumpy if this was really their first time dealing with a were.

“Damien!” The District Attorney’s expression said they realized how much they sounded like a kid calling for the teacher, but they continued, “Can I talk to you? Alone?”

They both glanced at Abe and he shrugged. “Sure, I’ll just wait outside like I have nothing better to do with my time.”

“And we can do without the eavesdropping this time,” the District Attorney said just before the door shut behind him, causing Abe to consider that he maybe, just maybe, he hadn’t been as smooth listening in as he thought.

He sighed and grumbled to himself, making sure it was loud enough for them to hear in the office before he made his way to the foyer, where he took up a seat and focused his attention on his coffee, which was probably feeling neglected by this point.

It was a good cup of coffee. Abe made a mental note to go back to that place again just as the District Attorney walked out, their expression suggesting they lost that particular battle with the mayor.

“He’s talking to the chief of police now,” they said once they stopped in front of his chair. They crossed their arms in front of their chest and looked away as they added, “The chief will probably want to talk to you about proper procedure, which I can only think means he’s never seen you in action on a crime scene before.”

“Please, I know my way around a dead body. I’ll remind you that it wasn’t until I stepped on the scene that this investigation started going somewhere.” Abe stood and tossed his empty cup in the trash can. “I’m just saying, it didn’t take me four bodies to figure out what’s going on here.”

“This crime scene was different from the last three,” the District Attorney admitted, choosing not to rise to his bait. “The others were all inside the victims’ homes, with no sign of forced entry.”

“And werewolves aren’t exactly known for knocking on doors,” Abe said.

“But if the victims opened the door, recognized their murderer and let them in, the werewolf could have changed right there in the room, killed them, and changed back to walk out again like nothing happened.”

They looked at him and Abe quickly nodded like he hadn’t been staring, watching as their eyes narrowed and then lit up at the realization. “Yeah, yeah, makes sense. One way to find out for sure, and that’s to put heels to the pavement and go to the other crime scenes and ask some hard questions. You up for it?”

“You were right about one thing back there in Damien’s office,” they said, a fire in their eyes as they opened the door. “We need to get ahead of this before it gets any worse. After you, hunter.”

((Thank you for reading!

Link to Part 2.

Tagging: @silver-owl413 @skyewardlight ​ @withjust-a-bite @blackaquokat  @catgirlwarrior  @neverisadork  @luna1350 @oh-so-creepy  @purpstraw @weirdfoxalley @95fangirl  @lilalovesinternet-l @thepoolofthedead  @a-bit-dapper @randomartdudette  @geekymushroom @cactipresident @hotcocoachia @purple-anxiety-blog @shyinspiredartist @avispate ))