#like I'm actually crushed rn
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Z library being taken from me by the American government should be classed as an act of war.
#zlibrary#z library#this is personal#like I'm actually crushed rn#does the american government not have better things to worry about? Cause my aussie ass knows they bloody do
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Some Succession sketches that turned into a lighting/mood study
#succession#hbo succession#succession fanart#greg hirsch#tom wambsgans#kendall roy#shiv roy#roman roy#gerri kellman#digital art#god...i love gerri#also i would love the siblings to like#actually band together and take out logan#im mid-season 2 rn so#also had to draw the crown and write 1 boy on it you know#that part crushed my soul#also I made the sketches for this WEEK ago and meant to delete the file#and i'm so glad I didnt because this was so fun to color
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it's like a decade+ later but i really am convinced that my queer lit professor had a crush on me in undergrad and really, fuck me for not realizing i was bi earlier bc i would have pounced on that.
#kat liveblogs her life#she was this little butch southern lesbian#and i was OBSESSED with her#i just was dating someone and wasn't out yet and did not realize what was going on lol#sorry this is brought to you by me reading old emails with her after seeing a tweet that made me think of the situation#she literally wrote me: 'If I don't see you later have a good day...actually have a good day regardless of whether or not I see you'#ok dawn!! i see you!! i didn't when i was 20 but i do now!!#reading these emails as a 32 year old now i am like#'ok i can see why she had me stop by her office at 1:30AM to ask if i'd skipped a meeting bc i was uncomfortable with her for some reason'#(i did not understand it in the moment but later realized she was asking if i was uncomfortable bc i thought she had a crush on me)#(and she was awkwardly trying to assure me she didn't but also reading these emails now. YES SHE DID.)#sorry if none of this makes sense lol i'm just having a 'what if' moment rn#i have so many emails with this woman from the semester i took her queer lit class and they are all!! so!! flirty!!#i was also clearly flirting and Did Not Realize It#oh no!! baby kat what are you DOING
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ough.... why do i have a crush on this person i think i'm going insane
geez... how did this happen.
my anxiety is all over the place but i'll enjoy the happy feelings while i can ♡
#( 💭 faun thinks )#last time i had a crush on someone it uh. did not end well. so i'm anxious#i actually dont get crushes on ppl very often#love to flirt w/ people in a silly platonic way but now..... ough...#my heart of hearts is being silly#anyway dont mind me akdjdj#i get shy talking abt these things actually....... its one thing to think ppl r cute and wonderful platonically#but romantically? ahhh......#oughhh#i am a mix of delighted and insecure bc on one hand... im kind of cool and likeable... maybe#but on the other hand... 😭 i am also just a silly guy#a bundle of anxiety tied together in a pretty lil bow to distract from The Mess#this is why i've been in boy mode lately btw...#i like a girl and my brain wants to be her boyfriend and does a switchy flippy 💔#delete later#probably#i'm being so silly rn#taking up all my thoughts....... geez
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can i complain about my life again promise you all won't hate me
#(i know everyone already does most likely so i'll do it and just feel bad about it but)#it's not that i don't love my family and i'm not happy to go back home to have dinner w them and all but#god after like 3 hours i'm already exhausted#i feel bad about it but they're just SO exhausting and this house is SO suffocating#i did it i left i did it. why do i still feel trapped#quite literally can't even stomach watching football rn bc i just wanna sit in the dark under my blanket and fucking. idk. cry maybe#and it makes it all so much worse that it's so painfully obvious my mum is tired and probably sad and surely fed up w my father (and my#brother to a lesser extent)#every time i come home i just wanna say sorry. sorry i left you. sorry you're alone. you're not alone but you're alone against the world#and she dismisses my worrying bc ofc she does and i do the same with her worries we've played this dance all our lives#it's just. how do you let someone worry about you when you both know there's nothing you can do to make it better#when you both know the source of the misery and exhaustion is inescapable#god i wish it was. like. i wish this was a movie. where people actually help you in these situations. where there isn't that BIG big big#obstacle that feels wrong to even call an obstacle but it will always forever make it impossible to do anything about the problem#i wish the people who said they'd help gave even half a shit and actually did (it was their fucking job)#going from sad to angry to hopeless to exhausted every 4 seconds i'm so#the thing is i'm not gonna stop coming back home you know? i'm not i can't#i don't even want to#but i wish it wasn't so fucking soul crushing every time bc i don't wanna keep having tiring tiring weeks#and then go back home on weekends and feel the opposite of rested#ok. i should shut up. sorry. i really don't know why i'm even alive atm#delete later#i never remember to delete these (when i remember to tag them in the first place)
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fuck falling in love nothing compares to the feeling of being acquaintances with someone and then slowly realising that they might actually like you and want to hang around you and aren't just being polite and want to be your friend... god i need a moment
#yes i know friendship is a type of love but u know what i mean!!#fuck it's like 5am rn but i'm just so happy... i think i'm actually making an irl friend for the first time in years#you have no idea how good it feels to have someone who actually wants to hang around with me i'm gonna scream /pos#asdfgjklsczhznscdsgs <333#it's definitely the autism talking here bc like. i never know where i stand with people and can be Strange and Offputting#so i haven't made many new friends in a while#but i think it's happening!!!!#also to clarify i've never been in love but like. i'm p much as giddy over having a friend as i would be having a crush so y'know#the comparison is justified#how to be cringe 101
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Straight Jodie truthers are the funniest thing to me. Like say what you will about she and Akai or whatever but no heterosexual American woman looks like she does. She's literally named after gay ass Jodie Foster and her ex is a pretty, pretty boy who wears eyeliner every day... girl if you think that is a heterosexual you are out of your mind
#jodie starling#detective conan#I haven't even seen anyone actually call jodie straight yet but you know#I'm just like. stating facts here#even her thing with akai makes sense if she were gay. the man is every bi woman's type and every lesbian w comphet's acceptable crush man.#like come the fuck on#jodie clinging to akai because she's gotten used to him and if she lets him go now she'll have to accept the fact that#she actually doesn't like men at all#you know?????#at my least eloquent rn I picked a bad day to write this post#gay jodie agenda
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//acearospec michael would be hilarious to me bc i imagine he's the kind of guy that people crush on easily. he's tall and cool and much kinder than he seems on the surface at first. so, probably, he has been the object of much affection, and he's just like, ".......anyway"
#hc :: ( michael )#//me: yeah i'm totally open to shipping!#//also me: makes it EXTREMELY difficult to ship with me at any point ever LFKJDSJDF#//idk i say acearospec bc MAYBE there will be someone michael catches feelings for idk idk#//but rn he's looking at his prospects like ''hmmmm... no ☺️''#//stan definitely had a fleeting crush on michael at one point#//before michael called him out like:#//''you don't actually like me. it's just that i'm male-shaped and generally decent to you :/''#//and stan was like ok... damn... fuck you... true. you don't have to say it tho#//michael; gazing wistfully into the distance: love didn't work out for my parents... why should it work out for me...#//henrietta: YOU DON'T FALL IN LOVE *ANYWAY* DIPSHIT
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I'm so exhausted I don't really know where or how to begin my one-day weekend, have spent the day just kind of collapsed into executive dysfunctional confusion when what I WANT to do is post on tumblr about gay tv
#i wanna talk about 23.5 because the latest ep made me feral but for like side couples#i LOVE the main couples but nidabambam and mawinton make me insane#i was rooting for aro ton but now i want mawinton so badly#there's something that happens with the ships that aren't the advertised pairs so whether they happen or not isn't prescribed#i know mawintinh is what everyone on tumblr wants and it's not like i would be unhappy with that ok#but mawinton both obsessed with other people and relationships and oblivious to how they already have a boyf -#thats my shit.#tinh just seems so uninterested in mawin rn too whereas ton is laser focused#and to put a character like charoen into a yuri like come on how many of us who DIDN'T 'just know' we were not into boys#picked a dude to crush on from afar and then went EUGH STOP WHY IS THIS HAPPENING if/when he actually spoke to us#that is way too familiar a narrative to put in a GL and then resolve with her getting with a guy i'm sorry#but her and ton becoming besties who love shipping OTHER people together. hell yes lmfao#that's what i'm talking about! two people who think they like each other but actually just enjoy doing fandom together <3#buddhism fandom and friend fiction fandom#anyway i can't believe i spent that many words on them but i'm truly invested now. FLOWERS AND KNEE TOUCHES FOR MAWINTON#and i don't even know where to begin with nidabambam??????????????????#i thought this would be us projecting headcanon onto some women who had some nice scenes together#i didn't dare hope for ?????? lucky/unlucky protective/clumsy glorious t4t grown woman love story#what the heck i felt like my brain was unravelling as i watched them#they really stumbled(/carefully protected the other from stumbling) their way into a STARGAZE DATE#what the heck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#i think something magical just happens when you hit a certain point in a story and you've LET the main couples grow and evolve#so they're more or less together and it's hilarious and adorable (oh my god ongsa and aylin taking initiative oh my god)#but they also leave narrative space for MORE LOVE STORIES IN THE BEAUTIFUL ENSEMBLE#and that's where i start to lose control apparently#23.5#23point5#dear diary
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Every 3ish years I rewatch X/men Evo/lution (the only valid iteration)
#Guess what I'm doing rn#That claim is probably going to unintentionally start some kind of flame war but idc enough it's a fun silly cartoon#When I was a kid I had the biggest crush on Rogue#(but it was actually a 'squish' (as I am learning) but it's way easier to just say 'I was crushing' bc it's casual convo)#Cruddy rambles#Also.#<- guy who adores characters with cool glasses and eye-related powers:#Yknow I'm starting to like this Scott fella why did I not like him when I was younger he's not so- OH MY *GOD*#[DBZA Trunks voice] WHAT THE /HELL/ IS *W R O N G* WITH YOU?!
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If the organist and I get married I'm inviting you to our wedding
#but who will play the organ 🤔#also if you're like she is being so crazy rn#it's bc honestly I haven't really had an irl crush since before my ex and I guess that kind of just. killed me for so long#but irl I'm actually known for being really really really really weird about crushes in a very serious way#like crying every day about someone i barely talk to
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rotating the idea of characters other than siffrin in the time loop...
(spoilers in tags)
#cloud posts#main issue to me is just. how would it have happpened.#to me that's a requirement to know before I do anything.#I mean I guess I'm mostly thinking of the bonnue loop rn#tho also just generally seeing siffrin from the perspective of someone else#first obstacle would be the rock... actuallh I generally wonder the reactions of both the looper and the rest of yhe party#......imagine if the reason the loop happened this time was something like siffrin wishing 'I wish bonnie was safe' or smth#hm.#I need to understand the relationship between bonnie & siffrin better.....#how would bonnie feel after seeing siffrin crushed by the rock...? how long would thd loop go for after that...?#...ngl I think the loop would only start again for Bonnie after they died or got frozen.#so I suppose luckily for bonnie the loop will likely end when they beat tge king#but along the way... hmm...#so the main looping points I can think of is the head housemaindens office the creat split paths the keyknife key...#first loop back bonie angirly making sure siffrin checks every possible pace... finding the swtch... siffrin realuzing he could have died..#what point in time would come back to actually?#when siffrin walked up to speak to them?#earlier later?#maybe when the sleepover at the clocktower?#so many possibilities...#...#bonnie would have to see them all fail over and over again. that would be...#....#thinking.#in stars and time#sure#isat spoilers#because there are.
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Mwuah smooch kiss kiss bisou bisou mwuah mwah lovely darling you deserve everything mwuah my beautiful smartass
#arcane viktor#viktor#viktor my beloved#He is the loml im actually dead serious rn#Like the real person I'm crushing on rn? NOTHING compared to this wonderful being. This scientist. This smartie mcfly
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i may not have considered guedira/lupin before now but there are. some sequences. in this season. that are so
#need to make a post abt it once ive actually finished this season#just like the whole what. third scene. in s3e5#unfortunately i can't tell if the english subs are changing things or not. but#truly. i dont think they would be in any kind of relationship. and i am of course a major fan of guedira/belkacem i love their dynamic.#however. i do think guedira is a little bit in love with him. not even necessarily an actual crush but like. yeah. you get what i mean#are the joenicky lupin au brainworms crossing over into this post? maybe. who cares. i watched ep 5 this morning and i have felt really 100%#not normal about it all day. the things people say out loud in this show#'i'm not sure whose side you're on anymore' what if i BITE on GLASS#lupin spoilers#sorry this post is slightly unhinged everyone. i am doing cool and fine 👍#(person who has not left the house today) (and desperately needs to) (also has not been studying) (SHOULD BE)#im on break rn because i only just finished staring at the same article i have been staring at all day. so this is like a break for me#*reward i meant. i may also be a bit sleep deprived i will not lie#neon has thoughts
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ive touched on this in one fic but like. i think the line bw love and being "in love" is very interesting.... ESP with pierre/charles... to love someone very deeply but not be in love with them... or to cross that line and then come back...
#ONE of my friends was once like when you have a crush on someone their opinion will always matter a little different#Even if u end up as friends#ANYWAY#I can't write more fic til I read at least 2 novels and I've got. 3out rn#HOUSE OF LEAVES HERE WE COME#ACTUALLY shower first#But i'm still riding the post-posting high lmao
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saw photos of a hs party day = RUINED !!!!!!!!!!
#hello ppl of the tumblr#sorry i came back 4 this i just thought you should know how gutted i am rn#idek WHY .....#like i don't get along that well w the hosts.. like we're v friendly acquaintances / distant friends#so i wasn't expecting to get invited ?#but like akjfkslsl#some of my close friends were there and when i saw the photos i was just like HELLO.....#my bff wasn't there though obviously. if my rep is estranged w the hosts hers is even worse#so we're good on that i suppose#but still... my crush was there :(. he looks so stupid with the same dumb little polo shirt + jeans combo he always wears i want him so bad#like i'm sure if i had been there ot would've been really really awkward. there were a bunch of popular ppl there#and while i don't think they HATE ME or anything i'm pretty sure they wouldn't want be there bc i'm just not friends w them. which is valid#obviously#i think i would've had a terrible time actually. my friends would've fucked off to do god knows what+ my crush would've ignored me#+ everyone else would throw dirty looks my way#honestly who cares !!! clearly i don't care#anyways now i can't sleep so there's that
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