#how to be cringe 101

[concerto-roblox]

"we need more toxic lesbians in media!!" y'all couldn't even handle catradora

[dramatic-disraeli]

Mmmm Paint is my childhood 🥰🥰🥰

[boxwinebaddie]

I FUCKING KNEWWWW KENNY HAD A THING FOR RAVENSTAN THE SECONDD HE GOT WEIRD AROUND KYLE SHDJFJFIDISK

AHJHSKSDKDSJS! WOOPS! CAUGHT EM RED-RAVENSTANNED!

...fellas, is it gay to fly into a blind rage and almost break your hand violently smashing a novelty candlestick holder into a windowpane trying to pry it open so your Close Platonic Friend you don't have feelings for who is having a ravenstannic attack can breathe in the cool air while you gently caress their face and reassure them that everything is going to be okay...in front of EVERYONE???? hELLO??!!

very...normal and chill behavior. a normal thing to do for your...friend.

chapter three was so unserious, oh my god. kenny was mad-mad. omg i just knooooooo kyle curled up in ravens lap and kenny was freshly Homicidal behind the skeleken mask and that copy of milfs incorporated which was creased in several places by their rage, smh.

literally kenny and kyle in rm3 in a nutshell:

kenny: cracking jokes, telling stories, making friends with everyone

kyle: breathes once

kenny: damn thats Crazy! who the FUCK asked you?? choke, bitch! :)

kenny, going back to telling their story: anyways! like i was sayin before i was so RUDELY interrupted! holy shit, sOME PEOPLE! WOW!

kyle, reaching across the couch, held back by 3 people: WHAT WAS THAT!!! DEAD BITCHES SAY WHAT??? NOTHING!!!! THATS RIGHT!!!

SHKDHLSDHD WIIILD! yall wanna talk about HATE at first sight?!!!!

those boys are going to KILL each other. its gonna be the petty olympics. i would not put either of them above throwing drinks or punches, pulling hair, screaming, scratching, the whole nine yards.

all while raven is sitting there scratching his beautiful fake blonde head and batting his big dumb massive gorgeous lead singer boy eyelashes all over the place like!!! aaaaaa!!! quit it you two! be nice!!! :(

LIKE BABY WILL YOU WIPE THE HOT BOY EYELINER AND MASCARA CRUMBLE OUT OF YOUR GODDAMN EYES AND LOOK?

smh the r in rm stands for everyone is in love with ravenstan and i get it but oh my god...that boy's helen of troy beauty is such a CURSE.

( its his sweet soul actually: the eyes are just a window 2 the soul <3 )

it's gonna be such a meeeeeeeess because ken and ravens bestie dynamic is that they just hit on each other all the time and are really touchy esp. when drunk and its such a FUNNY JOKE until raven is tipsy n giggly in kennys lap and jersey kyle is ready to kill himself and everyone else ala pep3 and kenny is like Whats The Matter Kyle <3 ;)

kyle: trying to figure out why watching the boy hes supposed to hate being fake flirty with another boy is making him really really MAD

DRAMA!!!!!!!!!!!! INSANITY!!!!!!!!!!!!! BOYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ENOUGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

me: preaches up and down about just wanting a moment of peace

also me: CAT FIGHT CAT FIGHT CAT FIGHT

-uncle nina, causing problems in my own household for fun <3 :)

[maddy-ferguson]

before i watched barbie i saw people say stuff like if i was someone who didn't know anything about feminism gloria's monologue would've been great but alas i do know things about feminism so i was unimpressed and i thought the same thing because. i do know about feminism but seeing gifs of it recently because a good quality file has hit the internet and gifmakers reminded me of america ferrera saying that meryl streep had said she would've loved to deliver that monologue and i'm like. i hope one of you is lying. you can't be serious.

[save-the-villainous-cat]

The lorax more professionally explores sensitive topics than 99% of modern movies from Hollywood lmao

I’m sure it does…

[bluexiao]

Ba- Babe???

Tsk, such informal means of addressing me. I'd quit it with the disrespect if I were you, scum.

And don't go off painting your own picture -- I have far more entertaining fleets in comparison to you.

>> scaranon

well if you don’t want me to call you babe, just say it yknow 😚 i’ll just call you… darling, then???

oh? then go to your fleets then, why are you still here talking to me??

[lenofauris]

Oh its valentines day

Too bad i have a midterm and no stuff prepped LMAO (I can probably draw smth tonight who knows)

[gamerwoo]

dumb/random things skz would do while ur dating

a/n: don’t ask me what this is or why i came up w it these are just Thoughts That I Have Sometimes 

-

chan: if he has spare time and gets bored, he’ll splice up voicemails or voice messages you’ve sent him to make you say random shit and then he sends it to you out of nowhere with absolutely zero context. it could be anywhere from the raunchiest, dirtiest things you’ve ever heard, to just straight up dumb things, to him making you say how amazing and great he is and how much you love him. either way, he thinks he’s hilarious

minho: literally just stares at you for no reason. you’re on your phone across the room and he’s staring. just deadpan staring. and once you notice and make eye contact he gives you a mean look like you were staring at him first and he’s mad about it. even after you look away, he’s still staring. if you ask what he wants he’ll be like “why tf are you staring at me?? get a hobby, freak”

changbin: actually expects you to open doors for him and pull out his chair and lay your jacket out over a puddle. if you don’t, he just stares at you and eyes the thing he wanted you to do for him. obviously you’d never put your jacket over a puddle when he could literally walk around it but he’ll scoff and dramatically roll his eyes and make some comment about “guess romance really is dead” or something dumb

hyunjin: maybe he used to actually sketch you really nicely at one point but now he’s comfortable with you and now the only times he draws you is a really rough and quick sketch that’s so poorly done and it’s always you making ugly faces and he just slides it over to you and goes “this is you rn" and it’s you looking very pissed off and with a unibrow and you’re shrimp-backing so hard

jisung: keeps making those powerpoint presentations for you about different topics but he only makes them between like 11pm-3am so the farther into it he gets, the weirder it gets and the less sense it makes. usually the topics don’t really make sense either, though. like the time he showed you ‘101 reasons why you should still love me as a worm :)’. but there was the time he presented you with ‘69 reasons why i love you’ and even though 25% of them were weird things like ‘your breath smells normal’ and ‘you haven’t committed a felony so i don’t have to have a long distance relationship with someone in prison’ you still thought it was pretty sweet

felix: if you think he won’t act like those cringey gamer couples, you’re so fucking wrong. whether he’s doing it ironically or seriously, he’s going to drag you into his shenanigans. your names on different games have to match. they’ve been shit like ‘their dps / his pocket’ and 'grilled cheese / tomato soup’ to unhinged things like ‘mike huchie / mike hunt’ and ‘blowing smoke / smoke’. he always thinks it’s so fucking funny but you want to die. your discord names are ‘their daddy / his kitten’ and whenever you change it, he changes it back

seungmin: he does literally anything and pretends it wasn’t him. plays with your hair while you’re cooking dinner, but when you turn to look at him, he looks around and starts whistling. he’ll knock your closed water bottle straight out of your hand for no reason and then shrug at you like it was the fucking wind. even when he kisses your cheek he’ll gasp and be like “who did that?”

jeongin: he’ll act cute or whatever when he wants something but god forbid you do it back. the amount of judging he’ll do will make you want to leave the house. “please don’t ever do that again, you’re embarrassing me” as if you didn’t just copy everything he’s ever done to you. he’s gone so far as to pretend he doesn’t know you out in public over this. only he can be cute to get his way. if you do it, it’s cringe

[concerto-roblox]

i love g1 but i'm actually getting so sick of g1 purists like it's not enough for them that g1 existed and was popular, it has to exist now and continue forever even though that's just not how toy companies work. i have yet to see a post that even mentions g3 that doesn't have 10 billion "bring back g1!!" comments. like today i saw a comment under a post about the g3 show possibly being cancelled saying "hoping this mean we'll get a g1 comeback" girl get a grip!! like please step back and remind yourself you are not the target audience for a children's toy and let the g1 ghouls rest in peace.

[girlwithamissingpearl]

I understand things have been dry in Outlander land but even desert dry has me smh. Ladies, if you have to try that hard to shit all over SH, I’m not saying it makes you a hater but it sure as shit doesn’t make you a liker.

Back after a bit- admit it, we all need to occasionally take a break- I feel I needed to pace myself during the drought. But after a bit of scrolling, I felt compelled to dive right in. Isn’t this fandom about fun, entertainment and guilty pleasure? That’s why I’m here. So why the endless posts from the SH haters? Do people dislike SH, enjoy the snark or just think the man is stupid?

So just for fun (or insomnia) I thought I would play a short game of SH: Stupid, Smart or just SMH?

1. SH and Cons/Private events for $

Why do people have such a problem with SH trying to make a living? Most if not all actors part of a series or movie franchise participate. In my opinion SH is doing it now, so he won’t need to in his 60’s to pay the rent. While most fans are priced out of the more exclusive events, all I can say is the paying fans are the only ones that never complain. Supply and demand. If any charitable component is part of the deal, great. So can we finally put a line under this?

Verdict: Smart as hell

2. SH always “Shilling” SS to his Fans and on SM

Uhm, he is the brand. It’s his company. Can it be a bit much? Yes. Promotion to the fan base and the use of sm is marketing 101. In order for people to try the product they need to know about the product. We can disagree as to his methods or success to date, but fans are not the only ones buying bottles. As for the constant and consistent presence of AN with SH during events? Suddenly they are a couple? WTF. AN is a business partner. He owns part of the business. They both work hard promoting SS, and so far it looks like they will continue to release more SS. Ladies, don’t put your lawn chairs away yet!😉

Verdict: Smart

3. SH and boundaries with his fans

Regardless of the letter you attach to SH, he is a recognized actor around the world. Definitely a people pleaser, in imho, he will happily take a selfie with anyone. Obviously, he never wants to disappoint any fan, but his lack of boundaries and security at events can be cringe worthy at times. If a female actor was touched, mauled, or asked to sign fans boobs or t-shirts it would be a #me too moment. Someone, anyone in security or a handler needs to be bad cop if he won’t. How far is too far?

Verdict: Stupid with a side of SMH

4. SH as a Philanthropist and Charitable Causes

This one really bugs me. MPC has raised over $6m for charity. SH’s name attached to any cause raises awareness and $. The BS from the haters who discount this based on the fact SH apparently never donates his own money is petty nonsense. Gentleman’s ride is one example. Agree it was his female fans that made it happen. And? This is my only fandom but SH is held to an impossible standard. Apparently he is a hypocrite in his support for clean oceans because someone on his team had a catered lunch using single use plastics. Great topic for discussion, but the man didn’t throw the containers in the ocean. Also let’s not judge a person’s commitment based on sm posts. SH can literally, yes ladies literally never win. Thankfully the causes he supports do. I dare you to disagree.

Verdict: Smart

5A. SH’s dating life

According to an extremely ardent part of this fandom, SH has dated😉 every fit blonde 👱‍♀️ within a 250 mile radius of everywhere. I wish that someone would keep track of all the mysterious initials and lack of any literal proof of these women. This is where I separate the snark from the hater’s. While I’m in owe of the investigative skills of some, and enjoy the gossip-even though mom thought gossip was a sin, sorry mom- not all women aka initials welcome the attention. Any woman save CB that SH is remotely warranted or not attached to, has an avalanche of hate comments and 💩emoji in their future, welcome or not. Personally, I believe SH, goes out of his way to protect the people he cares about, and perhaps even those he may not. I think we can agree he is not a monk. However an actor is entitled to privacy. Ginger Jesus included.

5B. SH ‘s Sexuality

From the beginning, 3 years for me, I’ve read posts about someone who knew a friend of a friend of a bartender’s friend who knew for a fact SH had a boyfriend. WTF. You know the drought is real when this bullshit gets recycled. We all know the question has been asked and answered by SH. More than once. Next.

Verdict: SH keeping his private life private: Smart as hell.

6. SH and the use of all things Outlander related

If you don’t get it, I don’t have the time and am too lazy to explain it to you.

Verdict: Smart. Smart as hell

7. SH and CB

The only real problem here is obvious. And I don’t know why the fans or even the haters- btw, I use the term haters like I do profanity- perhaps not the best word, but like GFY, FU, MF, C, etc. I’m lazy and it saves time and no confusion to whom I address. So where the actual f&ck is the audition tape we all want to see? You know the part of which I speak. If only the fandom investigators could put aside any petty differences and uncover the SH, CB chemistry kiss tape? I’m not saying it will be a unifying and CTJ moment, but it would give SH fans something to make the drought less….thirsty.

No verdict necessary. 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👨😚😉

And last but definitely not least…

8. SH and Thirst Traps

Ladies, because of Outlander and all things Outlander related, we’ve had the pleasure to observe SH from every view and lovely angle. Come on, if you 👀 closely it’s all there. Why the actual f&ck people in this fandom have a problem with his shirtless posts is beyond me. Not only is he promoting the results a good fitness regime can produce, he is literally, yes literally giving his fans something they want. And don’t even try me with- you’re treating him like an object. This is a 100% consensual relationship. And if the word “hater” seems harsh about the same gang that complains and shits all over his shirtless thirst traps, then please find me a better name.

Verdict: Smart as hell and thank you

So for those who may not get it, this post is silly and something for my handful of friends or any SH fan to have a laugh. If anyone has the patience to read the entire thing😉 So any comments are welcome, but to the people or person sending awful and cowardly anon messages: save your time. Or GFY. See what I did there?🤓

[argumentativeaxolotl]

Random Human AU Cars headcanons that probably don’t make any sense before I go to bed bc I can.

Lightning McQueen:

- Has accidentally called Doc “dad” before

- Has accidentally called Strip “dad” as well

- Bro can literally not stop moving- like he will not sit still and he tries so hard

- He has the shortest attention span ever if it doesn’t have to do with his friends or racing

- He actually really enjoys American Football and plays a modified version with Mater sometimes

- He was an orphan growing up

- Bro would 100% go apeshit feral if he lost a game of Uno

- Loves carnivals

- Dog person

- Forgets he’s rich sometimes and he can make his own decisions about money

- His love language is hugs and gifts

- He bought the Hot Wheels of his car and continues to buy every variation

Chick Hicks:

- Bit other kids as a child

- Filled water guns with lemonade and shot at people’s eyes

- Daddy issues(actually this is canon isn’t it?)

- Cat person

- Frighteningly good at card games like Casino “house always wins” levels of good. Like bro will somehow know what your cards are without even looking at them

- He put rocks in snowballs

- Alcoholic

- Loves anything horror, gorey, and True Crime

- He’s notoriously bad at getting people gifts, like seriously bro is not allowed to buy anything for anyone for Christmas or their birthdays that’s how bad it is(someone usually gets it for him)

- He probably has a huge gambling problem

- His love language is giving gifts

- He gives gifts as a form of apology because he’s shit at words

- Literally the best mustache in all of cars- like he keeps that thing at top condition 101% of the time

- He never actually finished school because his dad forced him into racing as soon as he could

- Probably had rabies at one point and somehow survived

- If you somehow manage to become a good friend of his, he’ll actually be super chill w/ you

- Rich as FUCK

Strip Weathers:

- Legally adopted Cal after his parents passed away(or sumn idk)

- Has several scars on his arm from the crash during the tie-breaker race

- He, Tex, Lynda, and Cal were practically inseparable after the crash

- He and Tex are literally the bestest of buds like they are homies to the MAX

- He doesn’t hold any ill-will against Chick even if he should and is allowed to

- The “Boy Scout” of racing(think Superman or Captain America)

- He listens to “Old Town Road” by Lil Nas X while working with his horses. Cal cringes every time.

- He never swears unless he’s serious about something or is extremely upset or concerned

- He almost fainted when he met Doc for the first time, almost immediately asking for an autograph

- He has a ranch full of horses and enjoys horse racing as well as car racing

- Received an apology gift of both cologne and a miniature trophy from Chick

- He let Chick sign his cast after the crash

- He’s tried to teach Lightning and Bobby how to ride horses with Cal’s help. It did not go well

- He wanted to be a doctor for a little while before switching career paths

- Racing is literally in his blood(he comes from a very VERY long line of racers)

- Weirdly good at writing. Like for no reason.

- He heavily fanboyed over Doc when he was younger

Doc Hudson:

- He loves Lightning as his son

- He thinks of Sally as a surrogate daughter

- Unironically says “back in my day” whenever he’s telling a story

- He owns a shotgun and it’s hidden away in his house, far away from Lightning(who keeps trying to find it with no luck)

- He knows the most shit out of everyone and all their backstories. Bro hears the gossip and goes “nice”

- He loves watching fruit dissection videos on YouTube for some reason

- Bro is great at knitting. Like seriously. Give him ten seconds and you’ll have a whole ass sweater with a theme and everything

- He is an alcoholic(especially after his crash)

- Never got married or had children… until Lightning and Sally lmaooo

- He nearly started crying tears of joy when Lightning called him dad the first time

- He has several large burns and scars on his legs and lower back from the crash(like shit is really bad dude)

- His favorite movie is the original ghost busters

- He is a cat person

- He is a neat freak at heart yet gave up trying to clean out his garage because of all the bad memories

[justsomerandomfanfic]

Tied Together - John Wick X Female Reader

Title: Tied Together

John Wick X Female Reader

Additional Characters: Dog/Boy (John's Pitbull), and Freckles the Dalmatian (OC)

Requested by Anon!

WC: 1,594

Warnings: embarrassment, nervousness, slight 101 Dalmatians movie reference/meet cute, John being John, awkwardness, slight angst, and fluff

The sun was shining brightly down upon you and your dog, Freckles. He was a Dalmatian, with five prominent spots on his nose and around his eyes, with black ears, and the usual black spots that dotted his short white coat. He was a beautiful, angelic animal... When he wanted to be. He was always running off on his own to do things like play in the park, or run through the woods in search of birds, squirrels, or any other small prey animals. But that was just how dogs acted, and you loved Freckles. He was your best friend. 

The park was nice, calm, and with very few kids running around; playing games, or having picnics with their families. It was just perfect weather for a walk. You weren't really paying attention, but with a sharp tug of the leash, you looked up abruptly. Freckles was bouncing or hopping back and forth, looking up at you with wide bright eyes, seemingly excited about something. You frowned slightly, tilting your head.

"Freckles... Honey... What is it?" You asked your hyper dog. "Is it a squirrel?" His tail wagged wildly and he let out another yip of excitement. And before you knew it, Freckles bolted. You almost fell forward, stumbling to not fall as Freckles pulled you along behind him. This dog was certainly more intelligent than most. You knew he wanted something, and you almost regretted putting him on the leash. You looked up, eyes widening when your dog went barreling into someone. 

Freckles jumped up on a man, his dirty paws landing on the man's suit pants, making you cringe. The man turned, looking down at the tail-wagging, tongue-hanging-out dog. The man's black hair fell like dark curtains, framing his face almost too perfectly. Your heart stopped at the sight of his brown eyes, so deep, you couldn't imagine ever looking away. His lips were pulled into a tight frown as if angry; however, his eyes told you differently. They held an emotion you had never seen before. A kind of sadness that made you yourself worry. You swallowed nervously, giving the man an awkward smile as you quickly apologized. "I'm sorry. Freckles doesn't usually do this." 

The man looked back down at your dog, who hopped off his legs and began to sniff his Pitbull. "Freckles?" He asked, his voice deep and mysterious, making you wonder what his morning voice would sound like.

You nodded sheepishly. "Yeah... Uh... He's got spots, like freckles... So I sort of got inspiration from that?" You spoke, your sentence becoming more of a question the more you spoke. 

The man before you then turned down to look at the dogs, watching them play with each other. It was silent for a long time, an awkward tension in the air as you watched your dog, subtly glancing at the man beside you. He still hadn’t said anything, which made you feel even more nervous. His overall presence beside you made you nervous. You couldn't get over how handsome the man was. He was definitely more attractive than any guy you’d ever met. You shook your head lightly. That thought was ridiculous and inappropriate. You were only meeting the man for the first time, and already thinking about that?

"So..." You began, instantly cringing at yourself, "What's your dog's name?" You asked, and the man beside you said nothing for a while, making you want to crawl up inside a hole and die, but you let out a breath when he finally spoke.

"... Boy. His name is Boy." He answered, his voice softening and sounding more relaxed now.

Your jaw dropped slightly. "... Oh." You responded lamely, and you could've kicked yourself. "Boy… That's a good name for him…" You added quietly, looking back down at Freckles and Boy playing. You couldn't help smiling slightly.

He chuckled softly. "Yes, I suppose it is." Then he smiled slightly, before turning slightly towards you, his hand out. "My name is John."

Your eyes widened slightly as you took his hand, shaking it gently, feeling your cheeks heat up slightly. "Uh... Y/N. Nice to meet you." You stuttered, feeling more embarrassed with every passing second that passed by. You could hear your heartbeat in your ears and felt sick to your stomach. You were so stupid... So unbelievably stupid. You should've been able to hold a normal conversation with him, and yet here you were trying to make small talk. "So, uh... Where'd you get Boy?"

John glanced at you before looking back at the two playing dogs, "A kennel." He answered simply, and you looked at him with a surprised expression.

"Really? That is so sweet. Rescuing dogs is such a noble and heroic thing. I didn't get the chance for Freckles. My parents gifted him to me." You replied with a soft giggle, causing John to glance back at you. You cleared your throat before speaking again, "Sorry. Uh, I'm not really good at socializing." You said quickly, your cheeks growing warmer with embarrassment.

"No apologies needed," He murmured, "Socializing isn't really part of my expertise either." He added, causing you to blink in surprise.

"Oh... Well..." You trailed off. Why did you suddenly feel the need to fill the silence? Why did you want to speak to him further? You tried to think of what to say. "Well, it's nice to meet another introvert like me." You inwardly cringed again, realizing how stupid that sounded.

John gave you a look, and you thought you almost saw another smile before a small yip brought your eyes to your dog. You bit your lip briefly before you looked up at John once more, "Uh, I might as well go. I have to make lunch soon, and Freckles must be tired from all the playing." You chuckled, as Freckled pranced over to you. "It was nice meeting you, John." You looked down at Boy. “And you too, Boy.” The pitbull barked happily.

John nodded, offering you a small smile, "You too."

As you turned to walk away, Freckles walked with you for a while before he barked up at you, suddenly turning and running back to John and Boy. You watched in horror as Freckles ran up to John and Boy, your rambunctious dog then launched you into John's back. Slightly startling the man as he turned around, eyebrows furrowed in confusion as you blushed madly. You tried to pull away, apologizing profusely but you couldn't move your legs. Looking down, you watched as Freckles chased Dog around you and John, ultimately tying the two of you together with the leash. 

"Freckles! Stop!" You shouted both yours and John's bodies pressed together uncomfortably as you tried to stop your dog. Looking up at John, you continued to apologize. "I'm sorry about him, he's usually very well-behaved."

John shook his head, his hands wrapped almost protectively around your biceps, "It's alright, please don't apologize."

"Well, I can't help but be sorry." You spoke, almost defeated. "I feel so embarrassed." You mumbled softly, feeling your cheeks grow hot as you stared up at the man, who smiled slightly at you, his hand loosening its grip on your arm.

"Please, don't worry." He spoke, "It was an accident."

"I know." You sighed, "Here, we should try and get out of this." You mentioned before you and John began to successfully untangle yourselves from the leash. 

Hands on your hips, you glared down at Freckles, who looked up at you with wide puppy dog eyes. "Oh, you're in big trouble, mister." You scolded him gently, in a slight baby voice. "No treat tonight." At your words, Freckles whined, before seemingly huffing and sitting down. "Oh, don't give me that attitude, young man." You chastised sternly, and Freckles pouted up at you. "Don't give me that look! Don't you dare pout at me either!" John looked at you with a warm smile, clearly amused. His smile left once you turned to look up at him. "I'm sorry about him again, there has to be something I can do to make it up to you." You offered.

John quickly shook his head, "No, it's alright. I understand."

You took your turn to shake your head, "No, please. I must do something to make this up to you. I won't be able to sleep at night if I don't." You practically pleaded. John stared at you, frowning slightly, the gears turning in his head as you continued, "Please, let me take you to this sweet diner I know. I'll pay for lunch."

John paused for a moment, his brows furrowing in thought as he slowly shook his head, as if not wanting to accept. "You don't have to do that."

"But I want to." You insisted.

John continued to stare at you, his eyes raking over your features, analyzing everything he could; from your hair to your eyes, to your lips. His own lips parted, but no words came out. Could John open his heart again? Could he let his cold heart thaw? Could John let someone back into his heart? He opened his mouth a few times, an "Alright." Finally fell out. You smiled widely.

"Really?" You asked excitedly.

"Sure." He repeated himself, his hands finding a place in his pants pockets. "So, where is this diner?"

You grabbed Freckles's leash as you and John began to walk out of the park, Freckles and Boy fooling around as they followed. "Well, it's just up the street! It's super nice, has the best milkshakes, and is pet friendly..."

[mybelde]

how not to romance a guy 101

pairing: Xiao x gn!reader

genre: modern college au, fluff, crack, smau

summary: You just found out that there was this extremely attractive guy in your chem class, and what was your first thought? "Is he single?" Since then, you've made it your mission to try and romance him before someone else wins him over. However, the problem was, you have no love life at all! But seriously, how hard can it be to win someone over? This is how not to romance a guy 101

status: ongoing [4 Feb 23 - ??]

author's note: putting this out here first, will only start once i finish my aether smau. like bro, how can i not write a smau about my husband 🤨??/j anyways, i decided to make this smau gender neutral so that all the simps can enjoy this lol xiao so babygirl fr

profiles: XO crew | Chase Atlanters

taglist: open — send an ask/dm to be added :)

↻ Other works

Plan # 1

➸ 00: who's that cute guy ✎

⌫ Step 1: Get his number

➸ 01: like a k-drama scene

➸ 02: he's in my chem class???

➸ 03: chickened out ✎

➸ 04: in my stalker era

➸ 05: you're saying he's not a model??!?

➸ 06: the plan

➸ 07: check your dms

⌫ Step 2: Text him

➸ 08: osmanthus wine tastes the same as i remember

➸ 09: hey (with rizz) ✎

➸ 10: 21 questions

➸ 11: i'm not always this cringe i swear

➸ 12: i promise i'm not a scammer ✎

➸ 13: help pls | 13.5: when he's good at science AND math >>>

➸ 14: partners? fuck yeah! ✎

Added— ⌫ Step 2.5: Hangout with him

➸ 15: meetup (date)

➸ 16: you smell like qingxin flowers ✎

➸ 17: stop procrastinating

➸ 18: my treat ✎

➸ 19: want to be cat parents? ✎ | 19.5: oh. ✎

➸ 20: are you free tonight

➸ 21: still hung up on her? ✎

⌫ Step 3: Give him almond tofu

➸ 22: -

➸ 23: -

➸ 24: -

➸ 25: -

➸ 26: -

➸ 27: -

➸ 28: -

⌫ Step 4: Ask him out

➸ 29: tba

[heart-sized]

𝐝𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝟏𝟎𝟏 — g. satoru v. dating sensei

★⺌◞. gojo satoru x f! fushiguro reader

plot. you ask your younger brother's teacher to teach you dating 101

cw. fluff. older!gojo, gojo is a playboy, reader is twenty two, reader is introverted, nsfw, fluff and angst, not proofread

a/n. for a gojo satoru x oc version, stream here

masterlist // satoru masterlist

go back to beginningl

you heaved a deep sigh as your eyes fell on the wall clock. you were supposed to go to gojo san’s apartment in half an hour. your hands were clammy from the anticipation. oh god. how were you supposed to act? were you supposed to act all lovey dovey in front of him? oh, wait. was he your sensei now?

a smile crept up to your lips as you checked his last text. he had called you sweet y/n chan. that was of course not the first time you were called sweet. you could remember being associated with words like sweet, saint, angel all your life. your stepfather used to call you an angel while your colleagues often called you a saint.

not that you believed it. you were just as erroneous as the other humans.

“fushiguro chan.”

a man called and you smiled when you saw him. okkotsu yuta. he used to be megumi’s senior in jujutsu high and now he was working as a full time sorcerer. he was a regular customer at your bakery and you would like to think that they were friends or at least, acquaintances now.

“okkotsu san,” you smiled at him, “your usual bread?”

“you know my order already,” he smiled. you liked how he always had a gentle smile on his lips. “thank you.”

“you're welcome,” you said, “until tomorrow, i suppose?”

“until tomorrow, fushiguro chan,” he waved at you, a grin on his face, “take care.”

as you saw his retreating figure, you wondered why more men couldn't be like okkotsu yuta.

soon you were occupied in your work, forgetting some of your anxiety regarding the dating course. some part of you was still wary. did normal people even do stuff like that? at least, you were thankful that gojo san didn't make fun of you. or worse, told megumi. you would have cringed and died.

a car honked outside the bakery and your jaw dropped to the floor as you saw gojo san getting out of the car and walking up to him. he was wearing a white shirt that stuck to his body, his blindfold was replaced by a pair of sunglasses and his hair low. he winked at you and you could swear that the temperature of the bakery rose.

“gojo san,” you whispered awkwardly, not knowing what to say. the other employees were gawking at them as he made his way towards you.

“hello, y/n chan,” he had a teasing smile on his face, “i came here to get my bread and you.”

“i ... i could have come by myself.” heat crept to your cheeks before you cleared your throat, “what kind of bread would you like? or wait, would you like pastries?”

“mm, i would like pastries. sweet pastries.”

good god. you could swear that he was doing this on purpose. nodding, you packed some pastries before handing him the paper bag.

“aren't you coming, y/n chan?” he asked, perching his sunglasses up.

“yes, yes!” you waved your goodbyes to the other employees before following him. he opened the car door for you and you almost blushed before sliding in the front seat. “thank you for coming though.”

“it's nothing,” he grinned at you as he started driving. “you were quite right.”

“about what?”

“about megumi going batshit crazy,” he chuckled, “he's quite fond of you, isn't he?”

“yes,” you smiled, looking outside the window, “he's my baby brother.”

the rest of the ride was silent. although, it was not an uncomfortable silence. you enjoyed the silence with gojo san. he would hum some random song lyrics and you would listen to it attentively. no longer than fifteen minutes, he parked his car near a home. not an apartment. a home.

“i thought you lived in an apartment, gojo san,” you spoke in wonder as he helped you get out of the car. “it's beautiful.”

“thank you,” he grinned, “i enjoy my solitude here. although i rarely stay here. most of the times, i sleep at the school itself.”

the edges of your brows creased. “i am sorry. you work really hard.”

“eh, that's what you get for being a sorcerer, mayumi chan,” he waved his hand nonchalantly, “now let's get inside. after all, it's my first lesson to teach as a dating sensei.”

oh good god.

ᝬ ˙.໑ ╱ © unholy-ache 2023 — all rights reserved. property of suzu

[mana-jjk]

in my heart of hearts i know that inuokko is intentional vs unintentional flirtation 101

• toge knows he’s attractive, he knows his hair and eyes are attention grabbing, and he knows that he’s cute. he weaponizes it consistently actually because trust me he knows. so yes, he does intentionally fluster yuuta ! he knows how to tilt his head, how to bat his eyelashes, and even when to strategically uncover his face to smile at him. one shot, k.o., yuuta is a tomato.

• yuuta on the other hand does not know that he’s attractive and he also does not know proper social cues so sometimes he says the most flirtatious shit so naturally. he could be called a rizz master but he has no idea the effect it has and why it would be considered flirting lol. so toge will tease him like, ‘you think i’m pretty?’ and yuuta will sit there soft smile and earnest, not even hesitating to say ‘i don’t think anyone could ever compare to you.’ and toge just kinda sits there, wide eyed and red faced like ‘abort mission !!’

but on the opposite side of the spectrum, they also have those moments as well !

• toge doesn’t realize the little things he does that makes yuuta fall in love with him. his easy kindness and willingness to take care of others. toge could be cooking dinner for everyone after a long day and yuuta would just be staring with actual heart eyes because he’s never seen anyone give kindness so easily. the day toge wrapped his scarf around yuuta because he noticed his nose getting red, yuuta almost passed out then and there. it’s the ‘i want to spend my life with you and live these domestic moments forever’ vibe !

• yuuta isn’t like, very good at flirting intentionally, like i said his rizz is unintentional lol. but he does have moments where he’s like ‘i need to be a good boyfriend and partake in flirting’ so he’ll break out the pick ups lines. they’re so bad, like horrible cheesy and terrible. most of the time he’s stuttering through the delivery and ends with a pathetic scratch of his head. when people are around, they’re cringing and looking back at toge like ‘really?’ but he’s sitting there, blushing looking absolutely besotted and ready to squish his cheeks aggressively.

[jinwoosungs]

{ 101 }

nonsense.

rei suwa x fem.reader

{ i'll be honest, lookin' at you got me thinkin' nonsense; cartwheels in my stomach when you walk in... }

there was a regular who often came to your bookstore with his daughter-

and you were crushing on him hard.

the first time you had ever seen him was during a rainy afternoon. you had spent that morning placing your new order of books on the shelves to sell, making sure to give the latest releases and new authors the attention they deserved. due to it being a slow day, you figured you wouldn't have many customers and spent most of your time reorganizing your shelves.

you were in the midst of going through your inventory when you heard the doorbell jingle, alerting you to an incoming customer. you smooth out your hair and stand back to your full height, ready to greet your customer and ask them if they needed help finding anything-

only to have your voice and words become lodged within your throat.

the customer who just walked in had to be the most attractive man you had ever laid your eyes on. he wore a fitting black shirt with a pair of jeans, donning some comfortable sneakers. with long locks of ebony hair, and deep eyes the color of a moonless night, you couldn't stop yourself from drinking him in. you watch as his full lips remain parted as a calm expression paints his handsome features.

he didn't say a single word, yet still, you found your cheeks warming up from the mere sight of him. your brain felt like it was fried, and each time you tried to speak to him, the sudden sensation of butterflies erupting all across your abdomen made it difficult for you to focus as you slowly began to feel nauseous.

his eyebrows were furrowed, and before he could ask you what was wrong, you felt your voice come out in an embarrassing squeak, "h-hello! how can i help you?!"

you wince at how the quality of your voice became so loud, internally cringing as you mentally berated yourself for looking so foolish in front of this handsome stranger. dear god, it was almost like you had never spoken with a man before-

although admittedly, he had to be one of the most beautiful people you have ever spoken to.

not seeming to mind your sudden outburst, you see a tiny smile decorating at his full lips, hands reaching back to scratch at his head when he tells you, "my daughter's birthday is coming up, and i wanted to get her something nice. do you have any recommendations for a 16 year old teenager?"

your heart sank at the realization that he was potentially married, yet still, you were able to hide your disappointment and flash this handsome man a smile. "but of course! f-follow me!"

you lead him towards the young adult section, picking out two novels you were certain his daughter would enjoy. both novels were coming of age novels that displayed the heroine in a very realistic light. along with the novels, you decided to throw in a ribbon-like bookmark for free as a gift.

the man seems grateful for your selection, and as you rang up the books at the register, you tell him with a bit of a sad smile, "your wife and daughter must be lucky to have you."

the sudden silence was deafening, turning awkward when you carefully bag the books and slide it over to him. the man appeared...shy, with his mouth half open in a gape as he held his jet black debit card towards you, yet still, you didn't take it from his grip so as to not appear rude.

finally snapping out of his trance, he shakes his head and places his card within the machine, paying for the transaction. as you printed out the receipt for him to sign, he clears his throat and admits to you.

"i'm not married."

his sudden admission makes the butterflies erupt once more, causing you to look up at the man with a bit of a hopeful gleam in your gaze. his expression was gentle, sporting a bit of a smirk as his lips were tilted upwards with a bit of a smug expression. "it's kind of complicated, but it doesn't change the fact that i love my daughter a lot."

once he signs the receipt, he takes the bag of books and thanks you for helping him. your eyes were still in a daze even after he leaves, and once you were truly alone in your bookstore did you look down at his signature,

"rei suwa..." you repeat his name a few times, smiling and giggling just the tiniest bit, feeling as though the name suits him.

ever since that rainy evening where your first meeting with rei took place, you often found yourself daydreaming of him, wondering if he would come back and whether his daughter enjoyed the novels you had picked out for her. your mind would think up of scenarios where you would meet again, filling you with even more butterflies as your heart raced almost immediately at the thought of seeing him once more.

and lucky for you, you didn't have to wait long for his return.

nearly a week later, you were met with rei and his daughter once more. as you were in the midst of ordering more books for your store, you felt a gentle hand give you a tap on your shoulder, catching your attention.

you turn around to see an achingly cute girl with short, brown hair and golden brown eyes. her smile was wide as a cute blush dyes at her cheeks. as you look down, you saw that she held in her hands the two books you had recommended to rei as birthday gifts for his daughter's birthday.

"hello! m-my name is miri, and i wanted to thank you for these books! papa rei told me he bought me these books from your store, and i loved them so much!"

"ah, i'm so happy you enjoyed them!" this girl was so cute! you could see why rei loved her; and truly, if she was your daughter, you may have had the urge to spoil her as well.

"i loved these books so much, and when papa rei told me how he bought them from the pretty bookstore lady, i had to come and meet you myself!" miri was giggling, her confession about what rei had you filling you with a sudden warmth felt deep within your chest.

"ah- miri! what did i tell you about saying such weird things like that!" you recognized his voice, this time with a hint of panic heard from his tone. you watch him from your periphery, appearing shy as he mumbles something beneath his breath.

the cute teen giggles once more before excusing herself to one of the aisles, leaving you alone with rei once more. your heart was pounding when you face him, and you prayed that your palms wouldn't start sweating in response to the way your face was quickly heating up.

the silence that lingered between you and rei was something you weren't sure you could ever change or get rid of, but... you knew you had to do something if you truly wanted to get closer to him.

deciding it was best to just be yourself, you end up giving rei a wide smile before telling him, "so, i am the pretty bookstore lady?"

you nearly let out a laugh when rei chokes at your question, hiding his embarrassment when he coughs into his hand. "i didn't know what else to call you since i don't know your name."

filled with a sudden surge of confidence that rei found you to be pretty, you step forward and finally tell him the syllables that make up your name. his eyes seem to shine upon hearing your name, with him repeating it, as if tasting it against his lips for the first time.

his smile was enough to send another wave of butterflies to course through your very veins when he tells you his own name, feeling the pinpricks of something beginning to bloom inside of you as you stood next to rei.

the following days were spent building what felt like a friendship; rei would often come to your bookstore with miri, and sometimes with his literal partner in crime, kazuki, who was the third member of their found family.

each time rei visits your store, you recommend books for him to read, while he in turn tells you bits and pieces of his life.

the more you got to know him, the more you wished to tear down the walls that seemed to surround his heart. your crush on him was slowly but surely developing into something that was much stronger. rei suwa was no longer the man that made your heart twist into knots, causing you to babble nonsensical words each time he was near-

he was the man you wanted and desired to get to know better. each time you ask him in passing about his past, the forlorn and distant look in his eyes would make your heart clench as you listen to him tell you, "my past doesn't matter all that much. after all, i'm still here, living, right?"

it was clear that rei was keeping himself shielded, preventing anyone from truly getting closer to him. you knew what you felt for him was becoming genuine, your yearning to be by his side and share his burdens seeming to grow-

it seemed as though you and rei were caught in a dance, on the cusp of becoming more than friends, but neither parties wishing to acknowledge or act on these budding emotions. based on your instinct alone, you knew rei felt something for you if he made an effort to come by your store so often, simply just to see you and talk to you, even without purchasing a book.

so you decided to finally make the first move.

your heart was racing with anticipation, waiting for the day rei would return. so as to not wallow in your sudden anxious thoughts, you busy yourself with tidying up the shelves and putting back misplaced books, humming the tune to your favorite song as the hours slowly pass by.

it was around mid-afternoon when rei appears in your store, catching your attention as you saw him carrying a bag of your favorite carryout in his hand. the sudden kind gesture was enough to make your heart melt for him, eyes turning misty at how thoughtful he was.

"hey, i figured you needed a bit of a pick-me-up. i got the usual from your favorite takeout place." normally, the scent of your favorite foods would make your mouth water, but not this time-

now that rei was standing directly in front of you, you knew you had to act fast before you began to lost your nerve and became a coward.

"thank you so much, rei! just place it on the counter!"

he hums in agreement, giving you time to grab the novel you wanted to give him as you held it close to your chest. when rei faces you, you hold out the book for him to take, hoping that he wouldn't hear the way your heart was racing.

his brows were lifted up in question, "what's this?"

"ah, it's a book that i think y-you'd enjoy!" damn, your stutter had returned, and rei was growing even more suspicious with your behavior. with a furrowed expression on his face, he takes the novel you had recommended to him, "alright then, how much do i owe you?"

you bite down on your bottom lip, shaking your head vehemently while telling him, "c-consider this as a thank you for buying me f-food!"

he gives you a head tilt before letting out a rich chuckle, keeping the book tucked safely within his arm while thanking you. "okay, thank you for the book. and i suppose we're even now."

rei tells you how he needed to go and run some errands, making you nod your head as you told him to take his time when reading the book. with your heart felt pounding within your throat, you watch as rei leaves, heart already racing painfully within your chest at what was to come.

{ ... }

when rei returns home with a few bags of groceries in hand, he keeps the book you had recommended to him, holding it against his chest while he settles the bags on the counter.

thinking of you fills his heart with warmth, and admittedly, he couldn't deny how deeply you made him feel. either he was too obvious, or miri was just that observant. she knew from the start that he had felt something for you, the pretty bookstore lady, and teased him about his eagerness to see you again.

but he wasn't that great at dealing with such emotions, never before experiencing what it was like to be in a normal relationship. when he told kazuki his concerns, his best friend merely rolls his eyes before giving him a hard slap on his back, telling him to 'man up,' before leaving with his date for the night.

in many ways, rei was jealous at kazuki for seemingly being able to make such connections so easily. perhaps it was due to his naturally introverted nature that he found it so difficult to talk to you.

recalling his interaction with you just a few hours ago, he could tell that you were nervous when giving him this book. it was made to be glaringly obvious with how fidgety you were once the book was in his hand. completely ignoring the groceries, he looks down at the novel and opens it to the first page-

only to see a series of numbers written in a hurried scrawl along with a simple note:

i want to get to know you better. will you give me this chance?

a sudden grin was felt forming against rei's lips, and he couldn't hide it even if he tried. were you really making it this easy for him? and was he perhaps that obvious to you as well?

he had to fight back the urge to laugh; to let out all these incoming emotions as happiness was felt surging through him. taking out his phone, he saves your number within his contacts, his thumb hovering over your name as he gathers himself.

letting out a deep sigh, rei presses on your name, calling you with his heart pounding within his chest. within a few rings, he hears you answer with a breathless, "hello?"

just hearing the sound of your voice was enough to make him smile when he asks, "would you like to join me for dinner tonight?"

a.n. - AHHH I AM SO SORRY FOR MY LONG ABSENCE! college has been rough on me, and i was uncertain if i would even survive this semester. BUT! i'm alright, i survived and i'm back with a brand new story for papa rei 🥹 i hope you readers enjoy it, and i apologize for any mistakes!

all stories are written by rei; reposts, translations, and plagiarism are not allowed.