#like baby why do you remember him saying your shoes suck at 1959

[ianthoni]

Hi, me again, just wanna say a few things about ur last post. (Love the analysis btw)

When you are studying human non verbal communication, it's interesting to see the specific details that are hiding, but, one of the most fascinating of all, are the different actions someone do on a basic conversation, and when they feel unrelaxed.

Like you mention earlier, Ian doesn't know how to express his emotions. He's Always making Jokes when he needs to hide his feelings, u can see it in a lot of videos, never talks seriously when the question need a serious answer, it's his way to avoid things, he is a non-confrontational guy. He's not used to explore vulnerable conversations.

He needs to see outside of the room to search the appropriate words to have a better description of what he thinks, trying metaphors to explain his train of thinking, using fillers to have more time to think too.

In the video you can see changes on his way of action. First of all, when he is close to have an encounter with some topic he has really strong emotions, he starts to laugh, making the people who is watching be more comfortable by doing jokes like hand gestures or silly faces, touches his beard and hair, scratches his neck, he is nervious, shy, wants to have something covering him and don't feel so exposed, even he slowly starts to raise the notebook to the height of his head.

He makes microexpressions of surprise when Anthony wrote about Ian hurting people, like if he never anticipade that kind of comeback be on the lecture.

And when Ian finish the reading he stretches to leave all the stress behind, and when Anthony talks about the facebook chat? He rapidly closes his eyes, uncomfortable and ofc ashamed of his past actions, once again, he doesn't like confrontation and his fillers start to be more notorious. Also, he always use a lot his hands to have a little more confidence to speak (like Anthony does).

Idk, some of the things I want to aknowledged and attached to your analysis. Keep doing it please!

Edit: first of all i just wanna appreciate how smart and considered he is. He probably is aware he has some communication issues and tries to cover it by learning/adapting to other skills. Maybe he can't sooth himself but he's still thinking about the room even if it's unconscious (but i think it's not unconscious i think he tries hard) and tries to make them feel lighter. That's not only coming from him being considered tho I think he works on this skill so he can avoid talking about his feelings more. Like i feel like he always has a wall between people and him that it's hard to pass to. And there's a smiley face sticker on that wall he's trying to pass as his emotions.

Yes yes yes thanks for all the additions!!! I agree with you on everything. Especially him passing the question/emotion if it's too much for him. Hide behind a smile, trying to cover it with a joke and immediately move on from it.

And oh about the microexpressions yes. I didn't touch on that one but it was obvious he didn't like that he did it at the time. But again i think it all comes from him can't tell Anthony directly (cause Anthony was too defensive in that subject) he probably felt like his place is filled by this girl and he was jealous at the time. Now as an adult brain he probably cringes from even remembering his words from that.

And tbh i get the feeling. I had the same with a friend she was so obsessed with that walking red flag that we stopped talking at the time. She'd get so offended if I said something about him and even yell at me. But now we're talking and she's all 'yeah you were right'. Ofc it's not good talking behind Anthony but it's probably because he felt like they're not the same anymore because of that person (if he still says the same it's obv he thought that in the past) and he was more angry towards that person than Anthony himself. It was more towards him leaving Ian behind and being with that girl but Anthony was protecting that girl who's obviously bad for him and this probably made him more pissed. (Probably) but now that he's a grown man he knows these actions (especially talking shit behind him) was not something he should be proud of.

But like he said there was no way to talk to Anthony about it so it's either talking shit or closing in. And maybe after Anthony left he realized that some of his words hurt more than he intended them to be. And maybe that's why he started closing in instead of talking.