#like come on guys. yes mcdonalds is probably happy with the outcome

[twow]

i get not finding the grimace shake meme funny like its personally not my kind of humor either but calling it astroturfing is genuinely so insane to me. no fast food company on earth is going to come up with a marketing campaign where the punchline is that eating their food kills you.

[edsbrak]

sixteen weeks (chapter 2)

pairing: reddie chapters: 2/? rating: explicit tags: college AU, FWB

read on Ao3

Summary: Eddie and Richie are roommates in college, and after the events of one drunken confession they both agree it wouldn’t hurt to start casually hooking-up. Things go about as well as expected.

warnings for this chapter: nsfw content

I finished this chapter so quickly because you guys had such amazing responses, I feel so happy to see people are liking it so far! :D

enjoy!

Chapters: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6

*

When Eddie wakes up the next morning his groggy-as-shit mind oh so helpfully supplies him with immediate flashbacks to the days when he went too hard in his youth, and then his next thought is God I hope I didn’t do anything too stupid last night.

10:33 AM his phone reads.

He rolls over in bed and away from the small puddle of drool he only ever makes whenever he goes to sleep drunk. He’s sure he must look like a mess right now, but he’s infinitely glad there was no one around to observe him in his pathetic hung-over state. Wait… Richie.

Eddie rubs tiredly at his eyes, and sees that his roommate’s bed wasn’t currently occupied. Not that that wasn’t a regular occurrence, but Eddie was sure Richie had walked back with him to their room last night.

Idiot, just because you were on the verge of passing out doesn’t mean Richie went to sleep too.

Eddie figures he probably slept somewhere else last night. Maybe at Ben and Bev’s, or… that girl’s? At least, Eddie thinks there was a girl involved at some point during the party. Eddie turns his head and groans pathetically into the pillow, but draws back instantly when he feels the amount of grease rubbing off his nose. He’s overwhelmed with the sudden need to shower, but before he can even drag his sorry ass out of bed, the door to their room opens and in steps Richie with a brown McDonald’s bag.

“Morning, sunshine,” he greets, and Eddie covers up his face with both hands in shame. He thinks he hears Richie snort to himself.

Curious, Eddie peaks through his fingers and watches as Richie pulls out a to-go cup of coffee and sets it down on Eddie’s nightstand.

“Thought you might need it,” he shrugs casually. More items suddenly appear and Eddie’s senses are filled with the delicious smell of ridiculously bad-for-you food that almost causes him to moan. “Also figured you’d need a ShamWow treatment for all that booze. Hash browns and muffins okay?”

“God, yes,” Eddie almost whispers.   

“Here,” Richie hands him one greasy golden oval of pure joy, to which Eddie proceeds to shove half in his mouth shamelessly.

After that he tries to savour it but fails epically, and once he’s done he can’t help but wonder why Richie was being so nice about everything when Eddie is like 96 percent sure he threw up on Richie a little bit at some point in the night. Eddie wouldn’t be so quick to forgive if it were him.

“Thanks, for all of this,” Eddie tells him. “And for… last night. I hate to think I ruined the party for you.”

Richie waves his free hand at him. “It’s fine, really. I was ready to hit the hay anyway. I gotta admit it was entertaining seeing you like that, though.”

Eddie closes his eyes and winces inwardly. “Shit. I didn’t do anything that would come back to haunt me eventually, right? Please say no.”

“Uh,” Richie says, but there’s an obvious pause. “No. You’re fine.”

“What?” Eddie asks, unable to help himself. If he’d managed to tarnish what little reputation he had in this college then… fuck. “I change my mind – tell me.”

Richie rubs at the back of his neck, and he’s smiling slightly, which Eddie reasons it can’t be that bad. “You uh… well, before you passed out, you did ask me… if we could… hook up.”

Eddie literally feels his eyes widen and he shoots upwards in panic mode, instantly causing his head to swear at him in multiple languages. Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck he thinks rationally.

“I did what now?”

“Hey, it’s no big deal,” Richie insists as he raises both hands. “I was flattered, I guess. But I feel like I should say I’m not exactly looking to date right now or anything—”

“Oh, god, fuck my life,” Eddie whimpers, wishing the ground would swallow him whole. “I’m sorry, I – shit, have I just made things super awkward now? I mean, I know you’re cool with the whole gay thing, but I never meant—”

“Hey, wait,” Richie interrupts, but luckily he doesn’t sound angry. “You know I’m – I mean, I’m bi, so…”

Eddie blinks slowly, like he’s just learnt a new word. “O-oh… I… I didn’t know that, no…”

“Ah, well,” Richie smiles genuinely. “It’s not like we’ve ever made much effort to learn about each other.”

“Yeah… right.” Eddie says, feeling guilty even when he has no reason to be. “But, anyway… I just, sorry again, and I know for a fact it was just my drunk, lonely ass just wanting some company. We can totally brush it off. Forget it happened and just go back to being roommates. Sound good?”

Richie’s frowning now, and desperate for something to do Eddie reaches for his coffee and practically burns his tongue off, but soldiers through the pain if it means avoiding this embarrassing conversation. Richie is still quiet and Eddie is sure any second he’ll tell Eddie to go fuck himself for being a creeper in the first place.

“Well, I mean…” Richie starts, as if this entire situation was like any other reasonable discussion he’s had. “We can, if you really want to. I’m game.”

Eddie chokes on the coffee that was still running down his throat. He looks at Richie as if he’d just grown several heads. Surely it couldn’t be this simple, right? “Um, what?”

Richie remains nonchalant. “Roommates with benefits, you said? Not the worst idea ever.”

“What the hell is happening?” Eddie asks his coffee before looking back up to Richie. “You said it yourself we hardly know each other.”

“Yeah, but that’s usually the best case scenario.”

“And you’re being completely serious right now?”

“I mean, yeah,” Richie says. “Unless you’ve changed your mind and I’m only making myself look like an idiot right now.”

Eddie chews on his bottom lip, hardly believing this twist of outcomes. He’s sure the correct answer is ‘yes I’ve changed my mind’ and to just pretend this whole mess was a mistake, but some desperate, lonely part of him really likes the idea of finally getting to share his bed with someone. And he didn’t lie before when he confessed Richie was very attractive.

“I…” he hardly wonders how one drunken night could lead to this moment. What in the fuck was his life? “Yeah, I’m willing – I’m game. I think.”

Richie reacts with surprise but then extends a hand for Eddie to shake. “Alright, then. Seal the deal?”

Eddie laughs. “What are we? Some old timey fat cats?” he jokes but shakes the offered hand anyway.

“It felt like a business moment,” Richie says with a grin. There’s a pause where neither knows where to steer the conversation now.

“So… should we start now?” Eddie asks, unable to stop thinking about Justin Timberlake and Mila Whatever’s characters in that movie Bill made him watch years ago.

“Tempting, but, I do have somewhere to be very soon,” Richie answers, and Eddie flushes, wondering if Richie’s just being nice because Eddie knows he must look like shit right now. “Later, I suppose. When it happens it happens, ya feel?”

“S-sure.”

“Welp,” Richie slaps his knees before standing. “Must be off. You can finish the rest of the food in there. And I guess I’ll see you tonight…”

“Uh, yeah I’ll be here, most likely,” Eddie says, unsure if it’s all really this simple and if maybe he should draw up a planner for them to follow. No, that’s ridiculous.

“Oh, I have some pain killers in my top drawer if you need ‘em,” Richie adds before heading for the door. “Alright – bye.”

“Bye,” Eddie says to the empty room, and then his gaze lands on the brown bag.

Food first, then a shower, he decides, with a plan to go about this day as normal as any other. Easier said than done.

*

Stomach now full and his skin crying out for some goddamn soap, Eddie assembles his toiletries and slinks out of the room and down the hall to the communal bathroom. He’s never really liked the idea of sharing bathrooms with people, but he knew when he started college it would be something he’d have to get over – unless he was happy to drive the two hours up to his mother’s house to use her shower.

So he makes due, rubbing himself virtually raw with his loofah and face-scrub. There are two other guys standing by the mirrors and shaving when he steps out of the shower, and Eddie makes sure he doesn’t linger on their bare chests for too long.

It’s then that he can’t ignore thoughts of his deal with Richie and instantly a shiver racks through him, still unable to process the fact that it was going to happen. At some point. Very soon, probably.

With a cheeky smile he leaves and goes back to his room to change.

He begins drying his damp hair further with the towel and then stops abruptly, leaving the towel cascading over his head as his arms so slack at his sides. Eddie suffers a mental blank as he tries to think of something to kill time.

Study, you idiot, duh, his mind says helpfully.

Eddie sighs, knowing he does need to get back to the assignment he so carelessly abandoned last night. But as he looks around the room he’s overcome with memories of his pathetic drunken rambling, so he makes the quick decision to head over to the campus library so as to avoid distractions. Bag heavy and venti latte in hand, he deems himself ready to buckle down and study his little ass off when he walks inside the building.

“Hey, Eddie!”

A voice calls out, but Eddie doesn’t recognize it straight away. He turns to see Ben waving at him from behind the counter, and figuring it’d be rude to just wave back and keep walking, Eddie goes over to him with a wobbly smile.

“H-hey, Ben, right?”

Ben nods, resting his arms on the counter. “Yeah man. How’re you feeling? Bev said you got pretty wasted last night. Sorry about that, I like to make my drinks pretty strong.”

“No, it’s – I went too hard, I think. Richie helped me get home, luckily,” he laughs somewhat nervously. Ben’s a nice guy though, so Eddie is sure he’s not going to make fun of him somehow.

“Well it was nice to finally hang out. Richie’d mentioned you a few times; I’m surprised it took ‘till now to meet you,” Ben says.

“We both had a laugh about how little we know each other, funny that,” Eddie says, hiking up his bag when it starts to slip.

“Hey—” Ben says, his eyes lighting up. Eddie randomly thinks it must be impossible to say no to that face. “—we’re playing a gig this Wednesday, you should come!”

Eddie wonders who ‘we’ is. Bev, maybe? “Oh, that’s cool. I didn’t know you played.”

“Yeah man. Bev, Stan, Richie and myself. We play when we can. Nothing big, just for fun, really.”

And yet another thing about Richie I didn’t know, Eddie thinks. “Well cool, thanks for the invite. I’ll try and make sure I don’t have work that night.”

Ben grins proudly, pivoting on the spot when another student comes up with a reference inquiry. Eddie shuffles on his feet, wondering if that was the end of the interaction, but Ben grabs his attention before he can leave.

“Hey, you about to study? If you want, you can find a spot out the back here,” he says, jerking his thumb to another door behind him. “Staff study lounges – way better furniture and way less chatter to distract you. And there’s free coffee.”

A privilege Eddie’s not sure he’s earned; he wouldn’t want to appear as if he’s just using Ben for the guy’s connections. But then his easily tempted irritation glances around at all of the other bustling students in the library, and he figures a nice untainted room might do him some good.

“Thank you,” he tells Ben, following him behind the counter and down a corridor littered with posters and flyers. They reach the end and Ben guides him inside excitedly, showing him about and introducing him to some other workers who don’t appear to mind Eddie’s impromptu presence.

“Alright man, if you need something just holler out,” Ben finishes, clapping Eddie’s back and leaving him to the welcomed silence.

Eddie sets up his books and laptop near a window and smiles to himself, and as the wifi connects up he decides he’ll buy Ben some drinks at his gig to thank him.

*

Hours later when he’s finally done, he thanks Ben again while Ben gives him the details for their gig, and as he leaves the library Eddie practically has a bounce in his step as he walks back to the dorm buildings.

He’s still running on a study high so he doesn’t even notice right away that Richie is lying on his bed when he steps inside their room. Eddie stands frozen by the door but tries to shake himself out of it as he desperately holds on to that confidence from a minute ago.

“Hey,” he breathes out before hastily adding: “what’s up dude?” and cringes immediately after.

Richie lowers the book – a manga book, lord – he’s reading and peers over to Eddie with a coy smile. “Nothin’ much. You seem cheery.”

“Uh, yeah, had a good study session… just with myself, I mean.” Eddie crosses his arms and then uncrosses them, wondering how in the fuck he could be this awkward.

“Well that’s good news.”

He wonders if Richie is humouring him. It’s hard to tell. He dumps his bag by his desk and plugs in his phone to charge. “Uh, yeah. I even saw Ben working there,” Eddie makes a gesture as if to say ‘You remember Ben, don’t you?’

“Right, yeah.”

“He um, invited me to a gig you’re playing on Wednesday,” Eddie says quickly, watching Richie’s reaction. There isn’t much of a response. “Is that… okay? I don’t know if that’s crossing some kind of boundary line…”

Richie adjusts his glasses as he goes to sit up. “No, that’s cool. What, would you prefer to keep things separate or something?”

“Uh, no…?” Eddie hesitates. “I mean, I wouldn’t mind getting to know you, I guess. Like, you play in a band, that’s cool. Ben’s cool, too.”

Richie smiles again, and this time stands in a stretch. “It’s never as cool as pop culture makes it out to be. We hardly ever make money on it, and our crowds are usually drunk and call out requests like we’re a jukebox.” He laughs. “But we get free drinks, so.”

“Silver lining,” Eddie throws in.

Richie’s head falls forward, but he keeps his gaze on Eddie. His hands rest on his hips, like the image of a parent ready to scold him for reasons unknown to Eddie. And then almost fluidly he closes the few feet between them and suddenly his face is only a couple of inches away from Eddie’s, and Eddie’s breath catches when one of Richie’s hands meet his cheek.

“Um,” he says eloquently. Richie remains the picture of pure suave while Eddie feels his body go into meltdown mode.

“This okay?” Richie whispers and then just like that his mouth was on Eddie’s.

“Mmmph--”

It’s instantly overwhelming and it causes Eddie to react slowly, and so Richie pulls away marginally to let him recover but then he’s back again and Eddie tries his best to keep up with him, puckering his lips and angling for better access. His nose bumps into Richie’s glasses occasionally, and Eddie isn’t sure how to get around that now that his brain has shut down.

Richie decides for him and removes them without hesitation. “I can see okay without them.”

“Okay, good,” Eddie nods, and he idly wonders when his hands had found their way to Richie’s shirt collar. Richie was squinting slightly, but he was still gorgeous even without them. Typical.

There’s another pause, as if the both of them were mentally asking if this was really going to happen. Eddie’s desperately seeking libido takes reign and he almost yanks Richie back down to his level so he can proceed to kiss the living daylights out of him. It feels amazing to be able to just kiss someone again, even better, Richie was fucking skilled as.

Eddie releases Richie’s shirt and instead wraps his arms around Richie’s neck, and Richie’s hands are currently wondering down Eddie’s chest and curving at his hips.

Eddie moans at the contact and in that, Richie snakes his tongue into Eddie’s open mouth and Eddie breathes deeply through his nose, trying to keep up the perfect rhythm their mouths have got going. He fists a hand in Richie’s hair, and the groan Richie makes goes straight to Eddie’s ego. He was infinitely worried he had become rusty in his unsolicited sex-hiatus.  

Eddie makes a surprised gasp when Richie’s hands circle around his thighs and hoists him up almost effortlessly, and Eddie hooks his legs around Richie’s middle before releasing their lips with a wet ‘pop’.

“Oh, fuck,” Eddie refuses to admit he whines into Richie’s neck.

“Shit, you okay?” asks a breathless Richie.

Eddie merely nods while he tries to see past his foggy mind. “I… fuck – it is ridiculously hot that you can lift me, Jesus. My pride is kinda hurt but my dick is way too happy to care.”

“Good to know.”

The lifting was probably pointless, since their beds weren’t exactly far, but boy Eddie is glad he can store this new information away for later. Eddie angles back to look at Richie, his hands following the movement so they’re now cupping both sides of Richie’s face. Eddie never realized how plush Richie’s lips were. They’re certainly hard to ignore now. Eddie kisses him again, slow and lazily, and traces the tip of his tongue along Richie’s top lip.

I cannot believe this is happening, what the fuck.

It’s hard to ignore the strain in the front of his pants now, with his dick getting harder by the second. He wonders if Richie feels as good as he does.

Richie takes a step back in warning. “Let me take you to my bed.”

Eddie giggles slightly, but settles it in order to be able to continue kissing Richie. Richie’s grip tightens when they reach the other side of the room, and then Eddie feels himself being lowered down onto the bed gracefully as his back meets the comforter. His insides are burning up and Richie pins Eddie’s hands above his head as the taller boy uses his height to completely surround Eddie.

Normally that kind of action would piss Eddie off, but right now, in this moment, everything Richie does is somehow unbearably hot in the most intoxicating way and Eddie’s growing restless.

“C’mon man,” he nearly begs. “Maybe it’s only been days for you but it’s been months for me. Gimme the good stuff.”

“Oh, the good stuff?” Richie says, leaning down to trace the column of Eddie’s throat. “Why didn’t you say so?”

“Dick.”

“Was that an instruction or are you calling me one?”

“Both.”

“Okay, okay,” Richie laughs quietly before kissing Eddie deeply one more time. He lowers his hips down as well, and the friction of jean on jean isn’t all that great, but God any relief to his cock right now was enough to make Eddie’s eyes water slightly. Richie releases Eddie’s hands as he moves to sit up on his knees, and when Eddie hears a zipper opening Eddie reaches down to work on his own pants. He must show something on his face because Richie is rubbing soothing patterns along his arms.

“Hey, we’ll go slow tonight, yeah?” he assures Eddie, and the fear Eddie was surprised to have been feeling disappears in knowing that.

“Yeah, thanks,” he says, and Richie smiles kindly. They don’t undress much further, and for now that’s fine. Eddie takes a look at Richie and secretly admires the obvious tent in his boxers.

“Mind if I lead?”

Eddie shakes his head and wriggles slightly so his pants shimmy down some more. Richie leans over him again, kissing first on his lips and then trailing down his jaw and then along his collarbone. When Eddie feels a hand graze over his dick he swallows his gasp, resisting bucking up into it. God, it’s been so long.

“Eddie…”

Eddie full-body shivers at hearing his name on someone else’s tongue, and pulls at Richie’s shirt until the other boy is lifting it over his head and tossing it aside. Richie sneaks his hands under Eddie’s shirt in question, and Eddie nods, pushing his body up so his shirt can disappear too. Eddie knows his chest and arms aren’t much to look at, and he can’t help but notice the faint muscle definition displayed across Richie’s body – not too much but just that perfect amount.

“You’re gorgeous,” Eddie slips out.

“Me?” Richie says offhandedly, leaning back in to kiss Eddie again, and while Eddie has his eyes closed Richie has gone and shoved both of their underwear down and Eddie feels something new brush up against his now unclothed cock.

Eddie’s breath hitches profusely into Richie’s mouth when the feeling of fingers finally touch at his aching dick. While still clutching to Richie he draws away to look down, and it’s the sight of Richie’s hand being large enough to wrap around both of them that has Eddie’s head spinning.

“Oh, fuck, oh my God,” Eddie whimpers just as Richie begins pumping. “That is so not fair…”

“I’ve been told I’ve got magic fingers,” Richie practically gloats, his free hand currently rubbing at Eddie’s nipple.

Eddie scoffs. “Magi-ah..AHH—” he moans loudly when Richie adds some amazing pressure. Their pre-cum slicks up Richie’s hand easily and allows the pace to pick up. “Hnng, fuck you.” Richie chuckles, somehow evilly.

I’m having sex with my roommate, our dicks are currently touching, this guy has heard me singing along to DJ Jazzy Jeff and still wants to see me naked–

Eddie can feel every surface of his skin tingle, skin hot in all of the places Richie was currently touching him, and the frame of the bed had begun rocking slightly with Richie’s surprising strength. Eddie tries to smother his noises into Richie’s shoulder, but it grows impossible, and he gives up in favour of claiming Richie’s mouth once again.

“Rich…–” the rest is swallowed up hungrily and Eddie can feel his release building up with every passing second. Handjobs have always felt so high school, but for some reason it was now the hottest thing to happen to him and Eddie was in no way complaining. “Holy shit what the fuck, I mean honestly—”

“Ah, uh—fffuck,” Richie stammers, and then Eddie tests the waters by tugging at Richie’s hair again. His roommate almost growls and Eddie feels even more blood rush to his dick.

“You close?” Eddie asks, pulling Richie in closer. Richie grunts in reply and through sheer force of will somehow speeds his hand up, and Eddie chokes on his own damn tonsils in the process.

They’re both breathing heavily, the air around them sticky and hot and Eddie can feel his back melt unpleasantly into the comforter. He hardly cares, though, not when he can feel that white-hot heat finally consume his body as his hips lift off the bed, chasing it almost desperately as he cums blindingly for the first time in goddamn months.

Richie ruts a few more times as his rigorous hand sends Eddie further over the edge into a sensitive mess, and soon there’s a mixture of both their cum over their chests while they attempt to catch their breaths. Richie collapses next to him on the narrow bed, but Eddie can hardly bring himself to move, too sated to care about much of anything, really.

“Okay, so…” Richie starts after some minutes pass, and Eddie tries to stay in his little world for a bit longer. “That was… pretty great, actually.”

Eddie turns his head to look at him. Richie’s face is flushed, slightly sweaty on his forehead, eyes glossy. He licks his lips subconsciously. “Yeah? Uh, good.”

Richie watches him a bit longer, and Eddie wants to know what he’s thinking. “I guess we have a lot more to look forward to, huh?”

Eddie ignores the now-drying mess that is his chest and rolls onto his side. “Is that so? How lucky for me, then.” He smiles at Richie as he brushes some strands of hair away from his eyes.

“Man, we could’ve been doing this for ages,” Richie muses.

“Don’t think I would’ve been this easy back then,” Eddie threatens. “2016 Eddie still had his pride and ambitions.”

“Ah, so I’m your rock bottom, huh?”

“You’re hardly a bottom,” Eddie reasons.

“Why Mr. Kaspbrak, I do believe that’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me,” Richie laughs, and Eddie decides the best way to shut him up is by connecting their mouths again.

*

tag list: @welctothelosersclub @richietoaster @r-richie @sleepykaspbrak @eddierichietozier @theemilyxx

lemme know if you want to be added! xx

[petersvibes]

exploring new york - p.p. headcanon

anonymous asked: Hey I have a request for a headcanon! Can you make one where the reader recently moved from Canada and Peter is helping her around NY and through the culture shock of not only being in a new and huge city but a new country! That would be amazing thank you!

warnings: none

author’s note: this was so oddly specific. i’m not canadian but i am a pseudo new yorker so if i used clichés i’m SORRY. this is long too lol 

peter’s first period english class has never been one of his favorites, but on monday morning when you walk in, he’s just about ready to write a goddamn book

you walk in holding your schedule, wearing this red sweater you make into sweater paws, and you look so confused and shocked by everything it’s adorable 

unfortunately, your teacher does that stupid thing where she makes you stand up in front of the class

“hi, i’m (y/n), i’m canadian and i’m going to miss the free healthcare.” 

peter’s the only one who actually laughs

which you take note of

and after class, when you’re late to your next class because you're utterly hopeless and lost, you’re very happy to see that it’s him

because in your mind, he’s now that cute guy in your first period english class

“hey, you’re (y/n) right? you’re new?” 

“new and very, very lost... do you know where room 840 is?” 

“yeah i’ll show you the way there.” 

the walk is brief, but the whole time you’re fighting blushes and grins as you make small talk

“that sweater looks really nice on you.”

“thanks! it’s red because ya know. canadian flag and all.” 

“really?” 

“no, peter that was a joke.” 

when you get to your environmental science class, you’re slightly upset, even

“thanks for your help peter. i’ll catch you later?” 

“yeah. see you around.” 

he never would’ve guessed that one of his late night food runs would’ve resulted in such wonderful outcome

he goes down to the store, wearing a pair of cat pajamas ned got him for his birthday and slippers

his hair is messy and he’s exhausted from a long day of superhero-ing

at this point, he’s throwing random items into the basket, loosely following may’s list

but he recognizes the same red colored sweater he complimented earlier in school, paired not with jeans but with flannel pajamas

“(y/n)? is that you?” 

you turn around, with kind of a sad smile on your face

“hi peter.” 

your voice is so sad sounding that it damn near breaks his heart

“is something wrong?” 

“no it’s just that.. the milk.” 

peter’s confused as he glances between your glistening eyes and the seemingly innocent carrots and gallons before y’all 

“the milk?” 

“you guys don’t have bags.” 

despite the hilarity, he doesn’t laugh because you’re sad and he already knows he hates to see you sad

“we may not have bags but we have cartons” 

“it’s not the same” 

somehow, you end up walking around the market together, both of you in your pajamas but you’re somehow so comfortable together that you don’t even notice 

ok maybe you snickered a little at his cat pajamas while he was getting apples

but he doesn't notice so it’s FINE. 

and honestly both of your errands should’ve taken under half an hour but you’re honestly soaking each other in and it’s great

“your candy selection is... odd to say the least” 

“this is coming from someone who comes from a country where you actively put ketchup on macaroni and cheese” 

“touché” 

only when you’ve circled the market (which you learn is officially called a bodega) three times, do you finally part ways

and you’re both sad in that shy, i’m totally i’m not sad kind of way 

“you know if you’re not busy tomorrow, i was definitely just about to do a new york rekindling tour and i could use a buddy?” 

you definitely have yet to unpack most of your things and have a lot of work to do, but you find yourself agreeing

“i would love to come on your nonfictional ‘new york rekindling tour’”

peter’s beaming so bright by the time he gets home, may isn’t even that mad that he forgot to get the eggs

he’d probably never admit it, but he’s skipping to his bed, his hand splayed over his heart because he’s so damn lightheaded

(admittedly, you’re doing the exact same thing)

he shows up to pick you up the next morning, offering you a hot chocolate which you gratefully accept

“cool tuque” 

“pardon?” 

“the thing? on your head? i like how the tassles don’t really match at all” 

“thanks! my aunt made it for me” 

the bus ride into manhattan is filled with conversation about plots about your favorite tv shows and the music you like

and you pleading with peter that he just has to watch degrassi (greatest show of all time btw) 

and when you get into manhattan you’re in awe at how big and bright everything is 

“look at this! this is the seventh mcdonalds in four blocks!” 

“that shopping center is huge! how many floors do you need?” 

and then when you’re in times square, you say something that makes him choke on one of his nuts 4 nuts

“that dude does not look like spider-man.” 

“you... know about spider-man?” 

“of course! your superhero thing huge back at home.” 

“oh! that’s- that’s cool.” 

but you don’t seem to want to give the topic up, especially when you arrive at the old avengers

“have you ever seen captain america?” 

“uh... only on tv?” 

“what about iron man?” 

“once when i was a kid. and a few more times during my uh.. stark internship.” 

“what was that whole new york alien thing about?”

“that was a pretty wild day” 

“god it must’ve sucked for the people who had to clean that shit up.” 

“yeah i-i i guess.” 

you let it go (much to his relief) when you recognize another one of the monuments you read about, dragging him by the hand and ignoring the butterflies in your tummy

in the span of an afternoon, you have your first official submarine sandwich (which peter insists is called a hero), you learn when to whistle at a taxi and when it’s appropriate to cross the street 

because apparently it’s okay even when there’s stop sign, it’s fine 

the whole time you’re asking him rapid fire questions, but you seem so excited when he answers that he’s happy to

“what’s the village?” 

“what the hell’s an acre” 

“what do you do with all your pennies?” 

“how did you elect him?” 

(peter can’t really answer that one.)

when it’s nearing four o’clock and he knows it’s going to get dark, he reluctantly takes you home 

but it’s okay 

because in the span of seven hours, you’ve become such great friends that you know this is the first time of many

and when you’re at the door of your brownstone, you make it known

"thank you again for today peter.” 

“thank you for coming with me.” 

“so i’ll see you monday?” 

“first period english?” 

“first period english.”

you smile

he smiles

when your back in your home, you do that movie thing where you slide down the door, landing on your bum 

and you decide that yes, you can definitely get used to this place. 

[xottzot]

2017-12(DEC)-03rd---Sunday (late night)--my world predictions of AGAINness.

2017-12(DEC)-03rd---Sunday (late night)--my world predictions of AGAINness.

Putting this post alive before my internet fucks up again totally, as it alwasy does all the time, and WILL AGAIN, around Xmas and the new year.........

There will be the yearly annual crisis happening with/in Israel, andor the areas around it. Possibly a handy 'terrorist' attack to gain sympathy and bring in further draconian shit. :

Ditto for London. Probably heavier than before in order to hammer home things and to also bring in more draconian crap whilst simultaneously giving MORE lattitude and complete immunity to others who already have it now. :

All and any of the above on new places around the world. Australia is ripe for being a focus for all of the shit. And handy too is they don't want to disrupt things too much for the chosen ones elsewhere in the world. :

Plague andor new rampant uncontrollable diseases, new strains of, new mutations of, outbreaks in places where it has never been ever before, affecting more people than any of it it has ever done before. :

More entirely people getting killed by crazed people in vehicles, running off roads onto footpaths, into buildings, into homes, into children andor adults like inlcuding the elderly and infirm. :

LOTS of public commemorative events for any of the above outcomes to distract and keep busy peopels minds from enquiring too much. If anyone dares to question anything, then they are simply accused of being insensitive to the memories of the fallen or insensitive to any survivors or family, thus heaping blame on anyone who dares question anything or even hints about doing so. ('little' children and babies are alwasy used as gods that nobody is allowed to upset in any way....and they are 'our' future....even the rampant criminals babies......). :

Planes will go 'missing'.....with the accompanying loss of life becoming yet other 'mysteries'...... :

Wonderous new inventions and innovations will be unveiled.......and everyone will believe it will be their salvation in their own personal ways....only to then be told that it's years away and still only 'in development'......alwasy 'in development'...... :

Commemorations of old wars and miliatry crap. - (It IS going on even now and has been for awhile in Australia.) They're now going back further to older military events and painting it all as 'necessary actions' that absolutely HAD TO BE DONE.....and roll-on still more commemorations to crap nobody cared about and has been long forgotten but is dredged up again and again so ancient wars and crap 100 years ago or more are portrayed as almost having just occured. - Mindless people suddenly switch on to having sympathy to the 'winning' survivors and nothing is worried about the 'losing' side. This helps to foment new antagonism to ancient 'foes' who have long been peaceful particpants in world affairs. - The young are especially targetted to accept all this thinking. Of course there's nobody living from very old wars to wear medals, so kids wear them as a 'mark of respect and rememeberance'......that's all used a ridiculous photo events.....as if the kids themselves had been in those wars..... (haven't yet reached the stage of kids uniforms sizes in pre-school sizes but it'll be 'SO CUTE' to see them babies in uniforms of war...yes?)..... :

Certain toys are declared xtremely dangerous to children and banned. Meanwhile though, the miltary indoctrination aspects of everything is simply accepted more and indulged. - Military is exempt in all things. Forever wars are always handy for profits. :

Maybe identity devices andor implants are introduced for children as an aid to adults to safely keep track of them. Mobile phones are limited in their apects to all this and perhaps an instance or instances of something terrible will be made news to further the introducton of non-removalable, 'safe', bodily internal tracking devices, that (a lie) can be removed later when the child becomes an adult. (maybe make it a tremdy hip 'coming-of-age' ritual event?) - This is done to placate anyone for arguing over the scheme. -- Ditto for the elderly, and infirm andor disabled. -- Criminals will somehow be exempt, as will be the 'chosen rich and powerful people'. :

Food scares. Poisoness, debilitating, carthinogenic, or completely faked andor counterfeit food items. Baby food is always a handy target. As is 'health food'. Ditto for homegrown foods. - All is done to make you only purchase what is planned to make you purchase. :

Meat substitutes makes a huge impact, but at the same time is highly expensive for consumers. The rich, wealthy and powerful are exempt and simply continue on eating ordinary food at their whims. After all, they own vast resources of worlds food farms too. :

Let's not ever forget handy dandy North Korea, the ersatz 'evil Russian communists' for todays age......who are alwasy planning and cunning and always 'just about' to bring death and destruction to any and all...and who always are developing weapons and crap to bring about world war in any way it's possible and death to all. Meanwhile....the pure 'saintly' USA and any and everyone else just continues on as always without any controls or oversights. -- PLEASE nuke where I am and kill me, PLEASE with a NUKE BLAST!! :

The USA will 'suffer' another (annual) military false flag disaster and it's blamed on whomever they have long ago already decided to blame it upon. - Ditto for an attack on any of the USA's bases or installations or personnel walking down the street anywhere in the world. Also handy for their allies or those stooges (like Australia) the USA wants to fight the USA's wars for them. :

Haven't had decent UFO incidents for quite awhile. Surely false flag events involving those should be well into going into execution by now. 'Evil aliens'......and el presidente Mr fake tan Wig will wet himself at the ooportunity to be seen to be acting as a warrior for all the world (aka Americans).......or..... :

el presidente Mr fake tan Wig will get assasinated or close to it, a replacement will come in and be accepted as a saviour and a worthy 'alternative' to the mad deranged vain el presidente...and maybe to help 'diplomatic relations' with extraterrestrial aliens and 'save the world'......but in actual fact it's all been planned and mapped out long, long ago and another planned person is plugged-in to the position...fake tan notwithstanding. :

The British Royals will have a wedding as a grand distraction (that's actually already in the works).....and another royal baby will pop out like a cork for hapless women and fops to goo-goo eye and fawn over worldwide and gush over whilst suporting any and everything that's decided without a second thought...... :

As an adjunct to the above, the royals will cry how poor they actually are. Anyone who disagrees, is vilified. (poor late Princess Diana never stood a chance in all this shit) -- King Charles could be to the rescue of the royals. Laws are changed, and the guy has been groomed long enough to be a suitable stooge and actor of the-powers-that-be. - Finally another King Charles! - Chosen plants will be happy. :

Australia will once again be involved in useless political crap that doesn't do anything and means nothing to ordinary people, (and in fact causes actual harm to people), but there's a massive lot of distractionabilty in all of that. - Australia has already been going through some of that and politicans have been wetting themselves with glee and self-loving. The usual evil politicians are again...evil. They have been joined by others in the newest world craze created forms of crap and that's the hoopla being a dual-citizenship, being a citizen of another country whilst claiming to be Australian and so being an Australian politician when they had no 'right' to be one. (HEY, I'M ONE TOO I'M A SPY FOR ENGLAND SO DEPORT ME TO ENGLAND!) -- Out of all this NOBODY talks about how wealthy Australian politicians actually are, and how much money they make, including the current head honcho multi-millionare leader of Australia. - But win, lose, or draw...they ALWASY win. -- Scale all this crap down to local elections you are also forced to vote in, as if your vote actually does anything in any election of any type. (that situation has been the case for a LONG LONG time and Australian people keep deluding themselves they have the 'power' of voting. That goes for worldwide too. What a joke.) :

Xmas celebrations become even more bland and mindless and worthless, with only the commercialisation aspects getting more powerful and untouchable and cannot be criticsed. (why not have Ronald McDonald as the REAL Santa? -- Ever notice how there's no black Ronald McDonald?) :

Is a grand plan for the 'revelations' about the deities ready to roll in yet? - That slots neatly into the manufactured UFO crap? - Xmas is the perfect occasion to give the presents to the world they don't love so hurry it up. Look, up in the sky, it's a bird, it's plane, it's Superman!...uh noooo, it's a drone...it's a UFO....it's the el presidente's wig flying about on it's own again....quick shoot it down befere it kills us all.......or spreads the plague...or craps on us again........ :

A LOT of all this stuff above also is for the 'New Year' period, the 'traditonal' terrorist massacres, the 'worthy' massacres of innocents by those massive powers that doesn't give a shit about anyone or anything, (and it's a great 'showcase' for new weaponry they're trying to sell), new disease fighting methods and inventions (with a handy timely medical disaster to address with it)......and on and on and on..... :

Will Australia be the first country to go completely 'cashless'? - It's a great way to secretly milk away money from countries too when it's all electronic. - The poor don't get poorer, they die off. The rich don't just get more rich, they become untouchable...until it's THEIR turn to be wiped out by those above them and they'll cry diamond encrusted tears of woe...... :

Lets' have yet MORE war movies....semi-fictionals.....they're always handy for patriotistic pants wettings and indoctrinations....can't have factual documentries anymore......it makes people too 'smart'...... :

Australia becomes yet another country unable to feed itself from the masses of food it grows, farms and creates, despite it having surpluses because the surpluses are 'contracted' to go offshore and to other countries and none of it is 'allowed' to be used here in Australia unless premium prices are paid. -- Eating kangaroos and emus (Australia's national emblem critters) are touted as 'sustainable food' for Australian. - Aboriginals get up in arms and lay copyright over kangaroos and emus...and succeed...and become wealthy kangaroro and emu 'farmers'.....with the profits (as alwasy with anything Aboriginal) mystriously disappearing and being unable to be accounted or explained where it all went when anything is ever investigated and is simply smoke that vanishes forever.......'put another roo on the barbie will ya'....... :

Electricity....Australia keeps running out of electrcity (as if it's water)......and despite the grand hooplah of the state of South Australia having their own 'almost free' Tesla power generation, it's just a drop in an vast ocean of need and Australia still can't make enough electricity for itself depsite the 'downturn' of manufacturing and the asbolute past lies that because of losing manufacturing production in Australia, that more electricity woud be about for everyone...and be cheap. -- Electricity is the new 'oil' scam of today and rorted. -- Strange how 'terrorists' never attack and disable such places eh? (except when it's secretly done without 'terrorists' and passed off as 'technical faults'.)

and locally, at this hellhole, the same old, same old shit goes on.....the criminals get worse and worse in ever more inventive ways...the toddlers in diapers still run free range all over the roads as well as the other criminal kids who never ever go to school....the get watched up all the time by departments and indulged and 'helped'....and everyone else is not included at all of course. - One latest spin is having abo men 'escorting' abo toddlers on foot scooters on the roads (to keep them 'safe') but is in fact just teaching toddlers to use roads as personal footpaths...AGAIN....STILL.......AS ALWAYS.......to be run over and killed.....or.......

-------------------------------------------------------

I love you dear Fliss and want to be with you just as you promised us both and where YOU can be the absolute boss of everything and have final say on any and everything. - - It's hot and airless in this hovel despite it having rained. (yes it DID rain a little, however it was only lightly but over a long period) Sam & Max got wet. The mozzies are everywhere. Spiders are everwhere. - In a LOT of pain. -- I love you dear Fliss and want to be with you. SAVE ME DEAR FLISS. The world and this hellhole is fucking up at an increasingly more rapid pace and has increased dramatically since you left me here to die in HELL. -- I love you dear Fliss and want to be with you. SAVE ME DEAR FLISS. SAVE ME. I WANT TO BE WITH YOU JUST AS YOU PROMISED.

[viralhottopics]

While You Were Offline: Free Nuggs. Pls RT

As of this writing, most of the internet is discussing the US missile strike in Syria, Russia’s condemnation of it, or some combination of the two. Oh, you thought fast-food Twitter weirdness, Wendy’s promised a user named Carter Wilkerson a year’s supply of nuggets if he could get 18 million retweets. Wilkerson immediately went to work:

HELP ME PLEASE. A MAN NEEDS HIS NUGGS http://pic.twitter.com/4SrfHmEMo3

— Carter Wilkerson (@carterjwm) April 6, 2017

His plea seemed like a long shot, but eventually it started getting traction—amassing over a million retweets in 48 hours and rallying others around his cause.

@rafficlassiy @Tom_Ruffin @carterjwm @ConanOBrien @jimmyfallon @TheEllenShow @MeninistTweet @McDonalds @RickandMorty @chrissyteigen @pizzahut We should make a Facebook page to support him and start making a real effort..if he were to get 18 mil that would be record breaking history

— Wheelerrrr (@redneckxice) April 7, 2017

@carterjwm I am emotionally invested in this.

— Mary Numair (@MaryNumair) April 6, 2017

Our boy is trending in twitter

This man needs 18m retweets for a year's supply of nuggetshttp://bit.ly/2nVSSox

— lil' conno from 69th (@larkin_conner) April 7, 2017

Even Wendy’s was cheering him on.

@MarkPygas @hellxxn @carterjwm Nah, not afraid. It would honestly be pretty awesome if he got that many.

— Wendy's (@Wendys) April 6, 2017

@joewest_ Call us Captain like Nathan Fillion, Carter wants nugs for 18 million, Tweets for eats, drop in the bucket, worth it all for chicky nuggets

— Wendy's (@Wendys) April 7, 2017

1 Million?!?! Officially SHOOK http://bit.ly/2orIPvd

— Wendy's (@Wendys) April 7, 2017

Soon, mainstream media picked up the story and Wilkerson had his own Twitter Moment. The attention didn’t get him much closer to his goal, though. But considering that Ellen DeGeneres’ Oscars selfie only surpassed 3 million retweets, his quest was surprisingly successful. The Takeaway: So far, Wilkerson has amassed some 1.7 million retweets, but that number is climbing.

The Ballad of Devin Nunes

What Happened: When House Intelligence Committee Chairman Devin Nunes stepped down from the government’s investigation into Russian interference in the presidential election, the internet stepped up with some commentary. Where It Blew Up: Twitter, media reports What Really Happened: Let’s journey back to a more innocent time last week, when the biggest thing in the world appeared to be the news that Devin Nunes recusing had said he wouldn’t leave his post. So why’d he do it?

Devin Nunes to step aside from House Intel Russia investigation after ethics complaint http://pic.twitter.com/Zv3VjoMN42

— Bradd Jaffy (@BraddJaffy) April 6, 2017

Oh, OK. As the news broke, Twitter responded as one might expect Twitter to respond:

TIMELINE: Nunes on March 28: "why would I" step down from the Russia probe? Nunes on April 6th: steps down from Russia probe

— Evan Rosenfeld (@Evan_Rosenfeld) April 6, 2017

Devin Nunes is stepping down so he can spend more time with his flop sweat and vacant, nervous stare

— Ike Barinholtz (@ikebarinholtz) April 6, 2017

Nunes re-election slogan: Once you've tried everything else, always do the right thing.

— Jason Kander (@JasonKander) April 6, 2017

No Nunes is good Nunes?

— Jon Lovett (@jonlovett) April 6, 2017

But while some were noting just how devastating investigations into the Trump administration’s potential ties with Russia had been—

In the past month, journalists' work led to recusal of Sessions and Nunes. "Fake news" is taking real scalps.

— Justin Miller (@justinjm1) April 6, 2017

"Hoax" Trump/Russia story having a lot of real world impact:

Manafort (Resigned) Flynn (Resigned) Sessions (Recused) Nunes (Recused)

— Judd Legum (@JuddLegum) April 6, 2017

—others were complaining that Nunes had surrendered too easily.

Nunes should not have recused himself. Most likely pressured by Paul Ryan to do so. Deep State at work.

— John Cardillo (@johncardillo) April 6, 2017

How many Dems stepped aside?

How many Dems recused themselves?

Stop playing the Democrat game.

Finish repealing #Obamacare @potus #Nunes

— Real Erin Cruz (@WAGNERGIRLE) April 6, 2017

Some conservatives, however, were happy to see Nunes go, if only to welcome his replacement.

I would like to thank Soros for filing bogus complaint against Chairman Nunes because now Trey Gowdy is in. The lefts worst nightmare. http://pic.twitter.com/hyalac5EAq

— Ex-DemLatina (@terrymendozer) April 6, 2017

Dems, you happy now? Chairman Nunes stepped aside.

Well dumbasses, now you've got the relentless & fierce Trey Gowdy.

DEAL WITH IT. http://pic.twitter.com/w9Qcyy31hJ

— elle #MAGA (@SurfPHX) April 6, 2017

The Takeaway: Another day, another upheaval in Washington. Speaking of…

The Nuclear Option

What Happened: It might seem like the internet isn’t a big fan of tradition, but the response to the changing of rules in the US Senate might suggest otherwise. Where It Blew Up: Twitter, media reports What Really Happened: It was a big week in the US Senate, as the confirmation of Supreme Court nominee Neil Gorsuch heated up. Firstly, lined up enough votes to filibuster the nomination, leading to this suggestion to Senate Republicans:

Senate GOP has a choice: break the Senate rules or sit down w/ Dems & POTUS to come up w/ a nominee who can earn 60 votes.

— Senate Democrats (@SenateDems) April 6, 2017

Rewrite rules or abandon Gorsuch and come up with an alternative option? In these partisan times, it’s easy to guess which option the Republicans chose.

McConnell is poised to use the Nuclear option setting in motion the Mutually Assured Destruction of the Senate as a deliberative body.

— John Hergt (@natureofthings7) April 6, 2017

As @SenateGOP change Senate rules for Trump, voters will remember that they broke their promise to serve as a check on POTUS

— igorvolsky (@igorvolsky) April 6, 2017

Grassley, heading into vote, confident that Rs will blow up filibuster. Says Senate will return to rules used "from 1789 to 2003."

— Dave Weigel (@daveweigel) April 6, 2017

The so-called "nuclear option" in Senate votes means, "following the Constitution."

— Ann Coulter (@AnnCoulter) April 6, 2017

And so, a of and

BREAKING: Senate votes 52-48 to repeal rule allowing filibusters against Supreme Court nominees, clearing the way for Gorsuch confirmation

— Reuters Politics (@ReutersPolitics) April 6, 2017

How did that go down, do you think?

Moment the senate "went nuclear" and changed the rules the chamber was somber, silent, barely a breath.

— MaryAlice Parks (@maryaliceparks) April 6, 2017

BREAKING: The United States Senate

— Jesse Lehrich (@JesseLehrich) April 6, 2017

The Senate #GOP just used the #NuclearOption to push through Gorsuch to final vote, even w new #TrumpRussia revelations daily. #WeObject http://pic.twitter.com/W6Ro0i1qW9

— NARAL (@NARAL) April 6, 2017

So was there a Republican SCOTUS nominee that could have gotten 60 votes? Probably.

Were Senate Republicans interested in finding out? Nah.

— Matt Fuller (@MEPFuller) April 6, 2017

.@SenateGOP To sum up: GOP just changed Senate rules b/c they didn't have votes they needed to get outcome they wanted. This is an attack on democracy.

— Women's March (@womensmarch) April 6, 2017

The Takeaway: This probably won’t backfire on the Republicans, right?

The Senate GOP has just a few years until they deeply, deeply regret destroying the Supreme Court filibuster.

— John Iadarola (@johniadarola) April 6, 2017

Oops in Advertising

What Happened: You guys, you like being politically aware? You like Pepsi? What if we mix those two flavors together? Oh, it’s a disaster? Oh, OK then. Where It Blew Up: Twitter, media reports What Really Happened: It was, quite simply, the advertisement that no one could quite believe was real. Last week, Pepsi released an ad featuring Kendall Jenner that showed the reality star/model joining a protest and bringing police and protesters together with the power of Pepsi. To call it problematic would be an understatement. In fact, let’s just let Twitter handle this, shall we?

the new @Pepsi ad evoking imagery of @IeshiaEvans in Baton Rouge is total exploitative brand social activism bs http://pic.twitter.com/YzAFtWEzDO

— Sherry (@slchen_) April 4, 2017

-this is the closest we have ever seen a kardashian be to activism and it's a fake protest in a pepsi ad she was paid millions to appear in

— jack wagner (@GrimmKardashian) April 4, 2017

*kendall jenner hands cop a pepsi*

cop: im not racist anymore

— BRANDON WARDELL (@BRANDONWARDELL) April 4, 2017

"It's not a cola." [taps board] "It's the resistance." … "Mr. Draper, for the last time, you no longer work here."http://bit.ly/2orT42C

— James Poniewozik (@poniewozik) April 4, 2017

"Hold my wig, Keisha. I've got some liberating to do!" "Um, it's Jennifer." http://pic.twitter.com/pgcqsGAQGu

— Tax-free Hands. (@thewayoftheid) April 4, 2017

Nevertheless, she Pepsisted. http://pic.twitter.com/53e6rxLS50

— M egi (@MattNegrin) April 4, 2017

Perhaps unsurprisingly, Pepsi ended up pulling the ad within 48 hours. The Takeaway: The real winner of this whole PR disaster? Coca-Cola, probably.

Next year Coke is going to buy a Super Bowl spot and just play that Pepsi ad.

— Guy Endore-Kaiser (@GuyEndoreKaiser) April 4, 2017

History Lessons

What Happened: Turns out, it might be too soon for the FBI to start saying nice things about someone it once investigated. Who knew? Where It Blew Up: Twitter, media reports What Really Happened: Last week marked the anniversary of the assassination of Martin Luther King Jr., an occasion honored by an unexpected source:

Today, on the anniversary of his assassination, the FBI honors the life, work, & commitment of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. to justice. http://pic.twitter.com/WZInYKQx2g

— FBI (@FBI) April 4, 2017

Yes, that’s definitely an FBI tweet celebrating man the agency complicated history with. Twitter?

@FBI alright then http://pic.twitter.com/0FCZfoOy4z

— Jordan Uhl (@JordanUhl) April 4, 2017

Memories. @FBI http://pic.twitter.com/yOHDnL3azu

— Ben Wizner (@benwizner) April 4, 2017

There are too many ironies to count here. http://bit.ly/2nVQ3nn

— Eli Lake (@EliLake) April 4, 2017

@FBI y'all terrorized the man most of his adult life, all because he was trying to make a difference for his people. Shove your remembrance.

— cx (@cxcope) April 4, 2017

@FBI I think every MLK celebration tweet should end with "And we're really sorry."

— Erick Fernandez (@ErickFernandez) April 4, 2017

The Takeaway: This seems to sum the whole thing up, really.

The FBI gave MLK a shout out today.. http://pic.twitter.com/ztIEQPpl8L

— Sadpagne Papi (@jonesdmvv) April 4, 2017

The Corrections Dept.

What Happened: The New York Times accidentally published some fake news last week. The paper then issued a quick (and embarrassing) apology. Where It Blew Up: Twitter, media reports What Really Happened: Everyone loves a good newspaper correction, and this one was better than most.

A correction today from @NYTimes. http://bit.ly/2nVRZMl http://pic.twitter.com/IfZ4oFijgG

— Harrison Golden (@harrisongolden) April 5, 2017

And even that correction was corrected.

@markberman The first draft of the correction actually read: "Ivanka is his daughter."

— Ayla Mayer (@santapauli1980) April 5, 2017

Yes, the original version apparently forgot that Trump actually has two daughters.

HIS OTHER DAUGHTER IS TIFFANY. #SayHerName http://bit.ly/2nVYoXX

— Gary Legum (@GaryLegum) April 5, 2017

The big question, though, was how the mistake had managed to not only be made by the writer, but also get past editors. There was one dominant theory.

"Editing error" = "Freudian slip" http://bit.ly/2orT5nc

— Robert Hamer (@rsolonhamer) April 5, 2017

Is this a Freudian Slip? Or an Electra Complex? Or an Oedipus Complex? http://bit.ly/2nVCHYd

— Jeet Heer (@HeerJeet) April 5, 2017

The internet, naturally, saw the humor in the gaffe.

This article is horrifying but the correction at the bottom regarding Ivanka is fucking hilarious. http://bit.ly/2orDDHw

— Surviving the End (@EndTimeSurvivor) April 5, 2017

i've been on the phone all day, did anything else good happen http://bit.ly/2nVCoMW

— cat ferguson (@biocuriosity) April 5, 2017

The Takeaway: This guy gets it.

Peak 2017. http://bit.ly/2orL6pY

— Kevin Fallon (@kpfallon) April 5, 2017

Read more: http://bit.ly/2nVMPjC

from While You Were Offline: Free Nuggs. Pls RT