#like even this post!! makes me sound like an edgy cunt!! which i guess i can also be and nothing wrong with that but fuck!!!!!!

[xoxovalrea]

Jaded - suguru geto + fem! reader

Sypno: Your dumb boyfriend “becomes” friends with the university’s drug dealer and does hardcore drugs on video. So you help him out by..fucking your edgy dealer‼️

A/n: dont do drugs kids⁉️ listen to digital bath- Deftones

Warning: words like slut & whore r used & drug and alcohol use. Also CNC & rough sex ( lmk if i missed any )

Wc: 1.3k

                        💜Minors DNI‼️💜

You’re on the couch with your boyfriend travis per usual when he all of a sudden starts getting really touchy which he only does when he needs something. 

You roll your eyes and say “whats up what do ya need” he rubs your thighs and finally says “baby can you please go over to sugurus place n give him money” you ask why out of curiosity and you instantly regret it. He tells you he was doing hardcore drugs with suguru and he got it on video threatening to send it to the school board. You sigh and tell him to leave so you can go over to getos place. You don’t even know why he is so serious about it, like he’s not even good at football or basketball or school in general all he does is beat up kids and cheat on you. You change into a crop top and some white sweats and start walking to a small trailer park. 400$ in your pocket is a small pocket knife and your phone so you don't get kidnapped or lost. 

As you're walking you see the trailer with the number 0197 on the mailbox and walk up to the door once you get there you hear a faint sound of a guitar so you knock even harder three times and the music finally comes to a halt. Geto walks out with blood shot eyes sipping Hennessy and his hair falling randomly on his face. “hey baby how can i help ya ? want the usual or nah and tell ya shit faced boyf-“ you sigh and let yourself in plopping down on his couch taking out the money and hold the money up towards geto he takes another sip of the drink and grabs the money laughing

 “His bitch ass really sent you here for him” he finishes the rest of the henny and puts it down“ I know don’t even bro“ you sigh as the couch sinks farther. You look up to see geto lighting a blunt. He notices you staring “what don't act like you don’t smoke ms cheerleader“ he lights it and takes a hit leaning back man spreading. You take a hit after him and he laughs “so I guess he want that video posted” you look at him confused and nod your head no even though he cheats on you how else you gon get money.

 You pass the blunt back and he looks at you “look let's make a deal you forget about your shitfaced boyfriend nd spend the week with me yea” you stare at him for a minute then finally respond “sure but keep your end of the bargain” he stares into your eyes instantly reading your every expression before taking a hit then smiling “trust you’ll forget all about him baby” he says before roughly kissing you.

❀。• *₊°。 ❀°。❀。• *₊°。 ❀°。❀。• *₊°❀

 He wraps his hand around your neck squeezing softly pulling you into his lap breaking the kiss. “lets see how wet that cunt is” he slides your sweats off and rubs your clit through your panties. you let out a whimper in response as he starts increasing speed and eventually stops “how bout we call your boyfriend yea? make one noise and ill ruin his fucking life yea?” you nod as he picks up his phone and calls travis.

 He slides his finger up and down your slit collecting your juices Travis picks up and you hear a murmur of his voice as Suguru slides two fingers in immediately fingering you fast and hard. “yea she came over” he hits your g-spot and you accidentally let out a loud moan and he mutes his mic and stops fingering you “what I told you ? You're lucky your pretty” he unmutes and continues fingering you squelching filling his ears “my bad just my loud neighbors” your eyes roll back as he whispers in your ear to cum and you cream all over his fingers soaking your panties and his pants “yea we all cool though come over soon I gotta surprise f’ya” he laughs then hangs up still fingering you making your legs tremble underneath him. 

He pulls his fingers out and flips you on your back “awh look at how wet she is f’me” he pulls your panties off and throws them somewhere on the floor. He kisses your thighs up  and down leaving bite marks and hickeys. He stops and looks you in the eyes before sucking your clit and shoving two fingers back into your dripping hole. “Fuck geto I cant fuck take it” you scream out still sensitive from your previous orgasm, hearing this he only goes faster your walls clench around him and you let out another loud moan and squirt all over his face. You feel him smile as he devours you and your juices. “Put that pretty mouth to use nd get on your knees” you follow his orders and get on your knees between his legs he pulls his pants down exposing his huge boner  you bite your lips and lean in to kiss his tip and he lets you tipping his head back with a groan. 

 You take his tip in your mouth and go down a third of the way and gag stroking the parts you can’t get while geto takes his shirt off. He finally takes his shirt off and throws it to the floor. You try to go lower but you gag and your eyes water “uht uht go down you can do it“ he pushes your head all the way down lifting your head up and down. He throws his head back and bucks his hips up into your mouth. He pulls out to let you breathe then shoves it back into your mouth bucking up into your mouth using it as a fuck toy “fuck baby your mouth is so good” he says while creaming down your throat you swallow as he lifts you up by your face and starts making out with you sloppily he gets up and picks you up by your knees and carries you to his bed while making out with you.  

He lays you down “flip over on your stomach” you oblige and flip over face down ass up waiting for him. He rubs his tip on your ass “wait isn’t he coming“ he looks at you puzzles and nods yes “wait we can’t he will literally ruin me” you try to get up but geto holds you down “now you know you want this dick. he doesn’t even fuck good fuck him” you smile at his words still getting that gut feeling that this is wrong. “fine okay” he laughs and shoves his length into you immediately thrusting in and out slapping his balls on your clit. Your eyes roll to the back of your head as he fucks up into your cervix and pushes up onto the bulge in your belly  “FUCK geto its its to much I can’t-“ he cuts you off pushing your head into the sheets you hear groans coming from above you. “awh my pretty slut can’t take it ? That's too bad” he grins and pounds you even harder making you scream and writhe under him. 

Geto flips you over on your back and you can't even look him in the eyes, that's how dazed you are. He slips back in with a groan you don’t know how long its been since you guys started fucking maybe an 10 minutes maybe 30 you don’t know. You dont even know how many times you’ve came around his dick, you snap out of your thoughts as geto slaps your thigh “damn ma I got ya that fucked up” he laughs and starts rubbing your clit.

You feel his dick twitch as you tighten around him even more. He leans down to sloppily kiss you and you tangle your hands into his hair as you spasm all over his dick. After a few more thrusts he finally creampies you. As you're laying down with geto you both hear a knock and he grins “well look at that” he laughs as he kisses your forehead and gets up to put shorts on and get the door.

A/n: intro is too short but oh well & i MIGHT do a prt 2 to Love Galore or update it idk (for the person who suggested) bye lovess🕊️💗

[violasmirabiles]

hhhrrygrhjdgj right so this week i had

one

two

three tasks i told my psychologist id take care of by our next session, which is tomorrow

six days i had

ive done

exactly none of those things

did think about them though

like, every minute every hour every day

feeling very very guilty about them too

am like. pretty sure theyll understand because the whole reason im seeing them is, well, This fuck shit. doesnt mean im not feeling Very Bad rn. very much feeling like im getting a bad grade for Life and that i deserve Bad Things and Nothing Good

Then Again:

three people complimented my hair today

apparently i made several people who were various levels of anxious feel better at the uni choir auditions today 

one of those people complimented my spring seminar paper to the skies and we talked about my thesis and just. the writing, the text of it for a good long while cos guess i write good??

wrow

people?? like me??

[sole-cuore-amore-e-droga]

Denmark brings the non-modern 80s sound to Rotterdam 2021

Filler review in between me doing a shit ton of things at the same time and saving two of the writeups I at least wanted to do before Semi 1 or so, plus there’s a Turquoise carpet underway. Lessgooooooo Denmark

ARTIST & ENTRY INFO

Fyr og Flamme is a collective of two men, singer Jesper Groth and instrumentalist Laurits Emanuel. Together they don’t have much history as they formed in the Ben & Tan year 2020, but they have a couple of succesful (and their only prior to Eurovision) singles under their belt already, like, their first one, titled “Menneskeforbruger”, reached number one on a Danish radio top list once. Prior to the DMGP lineup release, amidst a bunch of few song and talent show wonders, they were the only act I’ve heard of and coincidentally even liked their music somewhat.

Their song, titled “Øve os på hinanden”, is about dancing. Fitting because their entry, which is more of an 80s rehash than an 80s throwback (as in, 80s but with a little something modern a la Dua Lipa), is all about the groovy music that would probably come all out after disco decade became over. Moreso, dancing of two partners and practicing the dancing on each other, somewhat. Lyrics are in Danish - first time a Danish entry is fully in Danish since 1997! History right there! Most other acts would mostly translate their Danish song into English once the language rule went abolished, but not these guys, because why they need to do a TIX and make an English song in their 3 song discography anyway. Good ^^

REVIEW

Sounds like one of those songs this year that can elicit the “guilty pleasure” reactions. Like Poland, which is mine. But for me Denmark is an actual pleasure, in a way?

The instant intro of the first few seconds really makes it a good blast of energy, because who isn’t resisting towards a nice little 80s synth. I don’t really fancy the verses being in a major key but they still feel very 80s in nature. And the chorus is really catchy, and so is the bridge, which is kinda maybe the best part of the song alongside the instrumental super 80s bits. I don’t know if Jesper is able to emulate an 80s vocal sound with his voice, but the whole band at least looks their part, at the very least, for Eurovision?

It also incorporates clapping. Just for the edgy “I don’t clap along to Soldi but I will clap to this” crowds out there. I love me some Eurovision clap songs.

But Denmark is kinda too prone to sending throwbacks that don’t add much new? Like, we got this 70s-esque throwback song from 2015, it can be very well argued that Lighthouse X were throwbacks to early 2010s boyband music that wasn’t as loud as the one of One Direction, 2014 had shades of the classic Bruno Mars of the time who himself have upgraded to sound like smooth R’n’B man for the ladies who sings about getting it with the ladies... are people in Denmark a little too nostalgic for their own good sometimes? Let me go there one day when panini subsides and check if they have a spare DeLorean, just for the fun of it, and if they keep the Deloreans as their biggest prized possessions in a way.

Overall a pretty standard dance song to dance to, if I expected some other mood being projected throughout it I’d straight up look at Gjon’s Tears staging. *orchestral music* Tout l’univeeeeeers *proceeds to moves arms like he’s performing “Rap God” in a talent show*

Yeah I like it, but I absolutely love the orchestral version posted above?? The big gall of DMGP to include orchestra on their NF while Albania’s NF traded it for a while just to have artists perform in the freezing cold outside instead... of course everything sounds better with orchestra. Smh at those who think otherwise

This is how the studio version sounds like by the way. All that review was for this. How does the studio pale in comparison to the orchestra, do you think

Approval factor: Yeah, maybe there’s some of it in me for this one too! Follow-up factor: Another broadcaster being cunts to their former act. Public outcries have been done ever since DR revealed the DMGP lineup and made them realize there’s no Ben and Tan in it, eventhough they said they would not send an entry to the next DMGP, but yet they did because they felt like it, and it was revealed in an ultimate dickish move that Ben and Tan were never allowed to re-enter in the first place. :’) Some say it’s because of prompting sympathy votes (as if Aksel and The Mamas needed any to win their NFs, OH WAIT.), some might even say it was because DR was too scared to do well and Ben and Tan were just *that* awesome. Songwise, I like their both entries equally, and it’s a nice Danish marketing move to go from one background music to another (but in 80s style). So it’s a move to an interestingly straight decent line, I guess. Qualification factor: In semifinals like these, when there are just that many good songs that cannot miss out on a final spot, some of them actually do end up in that unfortunate position unless they don’t... Denmark has a little bit of a chance? From the possible hopeless bunch I can only see one of Austria, Portugal and Denmark making it. Poland, a fellow 80s-like Nordic song, is too comedic to be taken seriously by the up-and-coming televoting community. Georgia is too mellow. Denmark stands out with a fun way of their own 80s, Portugal and Austria have decent live performances and stagings at the same time, one of which Fyr og Flamme might lack lol, but that doesn’t mean housewives don’t vote for something that reminds them of their youth years, no?

NF CORNER

Thankfully that apart from Ben & Tan fiasco you’re not missing out on much.

DMGP chose a weird kind of way to reveal entries - during 3 separate radio shows in between two channels amidst all kinds of random world&Danish popular music. During which presumably both radio stations played the soon-to-be-winning Fyr og Flamme’s entry a second time after the premiere. Like if we don’t know who’s winning already, huh, huh???

Well, there are at least some above-the-par entries, and a couple of my favourites were Emma Nicoline (synthpop in Danish which in her case of victory would’ve likely been translated in English???? hopefully not so we could’ve had a win-win in case Fyr og Flamme didn’t win) and Mike Tramp (yeehaw in English, and much different than what he did in Eurovision 1978 with the group Mabel and yet another song about rhythm, enough to incorporate live drum playing from a band member itself during the performance... their own prop drum, mind you). They probably sound a whole lot better in orcestra than they are in these studio versions, so go check them out on Youtube as well, if you’re willing. Much cheers

Also the funny thing about them - Jesper is from a little barely heard of island called Ærø, who coincidentally shares a flag with Lithuania’s, but their colors are much brighter than ours. I bring it up that it’s barely heard of because some Danish viewers (and the international ones that could’ve gotten a hold of the stream) were confused as to why Fyr og Flamme waved “Lithuanian” flags in the DMGP greenroom. I’ve heard about that as well. I know a person from Ærø. I was confused too at first. I’ve been there. And it’s thanks to that person I’ve heard of Fyr og Flamme. Ærø supports Ærø, it seems

ANY LAST WORDS?

Honestly, if they qualify (and so does Portugal), I lowkey hope for their NF to have more songs in their native language? Leonora went on to start something when singing a piece of her song in Danish, Fyr og Flamme continued the iniciative, lord knows if it continues to continue and give them a fruitful outcome in the end.

As for why I mentioned Portugal and language variety, well... there can still be winners in the Portuguese language, just it would be an initiative to RTP to invite more English-singing Portuguese songwriters who’d otherwise not really participate in FdC if they were asked to only sing in Portuguese? I don’t know, really. But yeah. Maybe.

[shastashein]

Can you do the even numbers on the oversharing questions post?

I just remembered I never answered this even though I promised to so here ya go (I’m on mobile and can’t add tags to this, so general tw ahead for references to suicide, rape, violence, sexual harassment, abuse, and self harm)

-Who have you hurt the most?A girl I went to middle school with. In sixth grade a classmate asked to use my phone to browse the web and she used my Facebook account to send awful sexually explicit messages to another student. She warned me to make sure nobody ever found out it was her and she was terrifying so I thought I couldn’t afford to make an enemy of her and I went along with it. The girl who she harassed was afraid to come to school the next day because I let that happen. I apologized but there’s no way to undo what she said because I did nothing out of reluctance to “be whiny” even when I knew her “prank” was wrong.

-Who do you want out of your life the most?My grandmother. She’s my mother’s abuser and makes coming home miserable.

-Who had the biggest negative impact on you?Same as above probably.

-Who have you harbored (any kind of!) secret feelings toward?I mean… there are tons of people I’ve desperately wanted to befriend but never did anything about. The list is miles long

-Who do you wish you’d treated differently?My ex. I was so afraid of hurting her that I would lie about problems every time they came up. I thought dealing with everything alone was a mark of maturity on my part and made me less selfish/ more noble because I was protecting her. I didn’t realize until later that it was wrong to hide so much (even for her benefit) and to treat her with kid gloves all the time. I think a lot about how I’d like to apologize to her for not trusting her to handle tough situations, but I won’t contact her unless she actually seems to want to talk. It’s been years since we’ve spoken anyway, it probably makes more sense just to let her move on than to try to force closure on her if I don’t even know if that’d be what she’d want.

-What’s your greatest fear?That I irritate my friends and they only pretend to like me because they feel obligated to do so haha

-What’s your biggest regret?I regret wasting so much time and effort on people I never cared about lmao

-Describe your personal hell.Any situation where I’m responsible for children or else where I’m within earshot of people who are making sounds that set off my misophonia.

-What’s the most embarrassed you’ve ever been?I’m gonna go with… every time I’ve ever opened my mouth ever

-What’s the saddest you’ve ever been?I don’t know. A friend of mine loves to remind me of how much she used to hate me (she brings it up less often now, which is nice). When she less-than-subtly implied that throughout highschool people only ever tolerated me and nobody at all genuinely liked me it was pretty devastating.

-What’s the most hopeless you’ve ever felt?There was a period of about two years when I was in my mid teens where I thought I would be able to survive while dedicating my whole existence to helping a friend, but she was severely mentally ill and I didn’t know the first thing about effectively supporting her through that with absolutely no help from anyone, not to mention all the other problems in her life that were out of my control. I spent literally all my time on her but tried to keep it a secret to protect her privacy. I fell asleep every night holding my phone (with the ringer turned all the way up) so I’d never miss a message from her. I talked to her constantly instead of doing my homework and all of the other things that needed to be done. We made plans to move in together as soon as possible and then to get married when we were older (“but only for the tax benefits”). I hated myself for how much I’d started to resent the person I always told myself I loved more than anyone. I was desperate to make something change because I was so obsessed with her that the only time I could be remotely calm was when she was happy, which was almost never. I didn’t see things ever being any different for me/ us and I was struggling to come to terms with the idea that the next decades of my life would be spent dedicating every moment to someone I secretly worried was broken beyond recompense. Eventually either I’d die first and in the moments leading up to that, despise myself more than ever for leaving her alone, or she would and I’d have no purpose anymore because trying to make her happy was my whole life. Thinking about that future was the most hopeless I’ve been.

-What’s the bravest you’ve ever felt?I’ve never been brave even once in my life I’m a massive coward

-What’s the worst case scenario for you future?Uhh. I guess losing my current friends would fuck me over pretty badly??

-What’s the most emotional pain you’ve ever felt???? Probably when someone I was really close with went out alone at night and a man found her and hurt her very badly, raped her, pissed on her, burned her and sliced her back to ribbons, and then he messaged me to brag about what he’d done. He told me he knew to talk to me for a good reaction because after he’d reduced her to incoherent sobbing she just started saying my name over and over, so he found me on Facebook and told me how much fun he’d had. I told my friend I’d always help her and she hoped maybe if she begged enough I would come make him stop but I couldn’t be there and I didn’t do that.

-Describe a time you felt like a traitor.Two of my friends were at a party and they hooked up. Partway through friend one decided he wasn’t into it anymore but friend two wouldn’t stop. Even after learning about this and knowing it made friend one uncomfortable when others still associated with the other party I didn’t cut off contact with friend two as I should have. This means I prioritized a person who sexually assaulted and traumatized my friend over the actual victim. It was selfish and wrong.

-Describe a time you felt inhuman.Not to be Edgy™ but I feel inhuman all the time on account of being constantly dissociated off my ass

-What’s the worst thing you’ve ever done?I actually don’t know.

-What’s your relationship with your family like?I’ve answered one like this before. Basically my father’s not a part of my life at all, and my mother’s cool, and I know basically no other members of my family save my grandmother (and she’s an abusive cunt)

-Talk about someone you’ve lost.I’ve only dealt with loss a few times, and it’s mostly been family I wasn’t close with to begin with. I’ll always desperately miss Deneb even though he and I talked infrequently when he was still around. He was the sweetest person and I always wanted to be closer with him.

-Talk about a desire you have that scares you.I can’t think of anything. I get intrusive thoughts about physically harming friends but they’re less desires and more “what if"s and I’m positive I would never act on any of them.

-What’s something you’re afraid that you’re capable of?Misophonia makes me want to respond violently to sounds that I can’t handle. I’m terrified that one day I’ll do something bad to my dog if I’m stuck somewhere with her and can’t make her stop smacking her lips. If I did hit her I’d never even be held accountable because nobody would have any way of knowing what I’d done

-Describe your worst heartbreak.If this is asking about romantic heartbreak then N/A.

-Have you ever taken a fall for someone?Not that I can remember right now

-Have you ever done serious physical harm to someone?I dislocated a boy’s arm playing mercy with him. (I ended up being the one to lose though lmao because he wasn’t willing to stop and I had to say mercy if I didn’t want to keep hurting him)

-Have you ever self-harmed?Yes

-Have you ever stolen something?I stole all my blades from the art room in highschool

-Have you ever been cheated on?Nope

-Have you ever seriously considered killing somone?Yes

-Have you ever experienced something supernatural or unexplainable?Not really! I love stories about unexplained events but I don’t really believe in the supernatural. I think there’s always another explanation, boring as that is