#like if you don’t like it fair enough but nobody has to cater their online presence to your feelings

[prisonpodcast]

It seems to be a common thing for people to act like the dsmp was always some cringe, problematic, unfun thing that no one ever really liked, but that's just... objectively not true? It was huge in 2020/2021. Being added to it could make your career! It's completely fine to not like the dsmp anymore, but claiming that you were stupid for ever liking it in the past is upsetting to see.

Yea :((( it just sucks the post was so good and then I look in the replies and 😭 I hate how ashamed people are made to feel about liking a Minecraft server like man

[apptg554]

Friends First Dating App

Bumble is a dating app that allows you to make new connections, whether you’re looking for a partner, to make new friends, or to expand your professional network. Making the first move on Bumble could change your life! DISCOVER OUR AMAZING FEATURES. Top Filters: Find your right date or next BFF and get an unforgettable first online encounter. Nov 18, 2020 The female-centric Bumble dating app burst onto the scene in 2014. Since then, the founder has launched the buzzy BFF mode as a way for women to meet women simply wanting friends. And though the swipe-happy app is a hit with younger millennials, there are success stories belonging to those born before the early ‘80s.

Friends First Approach To Dating

Is Bumble For Friends Or Dating

Dating is fun and all, but group dates are in again these days, too, especially with all the group dating apps out there. Not only do group dates take away from the pressure of one-on-one dates, but they’re also fun. Several brains are better than one, right? You may think you know all the local hot spots, but once you start a group chat in an app, you’ll soon realize the possibilities are endless. Plus, plenty can be social and not date-y, if that’s more your thing.

And, no two social/group dating apps are quite the same. After all, in general, there seem to be dating apps catered to everyone — adventure-seekers and travelers (like MeetMeOutside), ones where heterosexual women need to make the first move (like Bumble), and even ones for beard-lovers (like Bristlr), to name a few — and such is the case when it comes to group social outings, too.

Some only give you a limited amount of time, like 24 hours, to make plans while others coordinate the date for you — all you need to do is show up. Simple enough, huh? And others even include your first round of drinks. Sign. Me. Up.

Here are some social/group dating apps you need to try — so you can no longer make excuses that there’s no one around to go out with.

Check out Bustle's 'Save The Date' and other videos on Facebook and the Bustle app across Apple TV, Roku, and Amazon Fire TV.

1. Tinder Social

Now, you can go on group dates and outings via Tinder Social. Looking for a fun night out? Just create a group (which looks a lot like a group text) and an activity to do, like hitting up that new bar in Midtown. Even though you can only be in one group at a time, it’s NBD — your group expires at noon the next day anyway.

It’s perfect for making last-minute plans tonight. Plus, you can go back and forth in your settings between being on Tinder solely to date, one-on-one, and Tinder Social. Or, if you’re like me and are already coupled up, you and your bae can go on Tinder just for the social aspect.

2. Squad

With Squad, you pick up to five Facebook friends to be part of your “squad,” which you can switch up anytime. Plus, you can also have multiple squads. You create a group name and tagline, the latter meaning your goal — going to such-and-such bar tonight or a Mets game this weekend. Then, check out other squads and let the swiping left or right begin. Once you match with another squad, you have 24 hours to message and make plans. Oh, and instead of a bio, you describe yourself via three emojis (and you can still write a bio if you so choose) — which is awesome and so 2016.

3. Grouper

With Grouper, you anonymously pick out friends-of-friends to meet IRL. If you mutually match, the app plans a “Grouper” for you — drinks between their friends and your friends. Plus, there is no messaging when you use Grouper. None! The app does all the work for you: time, place, and coordinating with everyone involved. The best part? It’s about friends meeting up with friends. “Dating” does not even have to be part of it, though if you do find you have a love connection with a friend-of-a-friend, it’s pretty great (like having a letter of recommendation, of sorts).

4. CLIQ

Let’s say you and a couple friends want to meet some new people IRL. Just log onto CLIQ and then you can match with another group of friends. First, you’ll choose some topics you’re interested in. Then, the app will take it from there and send you “Goodies” based on your interests and suggest places for you to check out. Via “Huddle,” you can also chat with members of your CLIQ privately. With the app, CLIQs can also choose not to be private and post status updates, pics, videos, and location posts, so followers can see what you have going on and where.

5. Entourage

First, choose one or two friends and start a group with them. Then, the app suggests nearby groups to you and you can “like” or “pass.” When you and another group match, you can start up a group chat. Then, let the planning-to-meet-IRL begin. The only downside? Currently, Entourage is only available in New York City, Los Angeles, Chicago, and San Francisco, but let’s be optimistic that it’ll expand to more cities soon enough.

6. Cheers

Cheers, formerly known as Who’s That, is a social app that connects you to people at over 30 Boston-area bars. The company recently rebranded and also formed a partnership with Absolut Elyx, Absolut’s new luxury vodka — and continues to have a partnership with Fireball Whiskey, as well. With the app, you create a group with friends and swipe through other groups going out in your city. When you see people you want to get drinks with, tap “Cheers.” Like other swiping apps, you get a match when there’s mutual interest. Then, “Pick a Place” in the conversation to meet for drinks. Your concierge will make a reservation and you’ll get the first round of drinks free. Yep, free. So easy. (Though I hope it expands to other cities, too.)

Images: Fotolia, Tinder, Squad, Grouper, CLIQ, Entourage, Cheers

Whether you’re looking for true love or a quick hookup, dating apps have become the go-to for finding what you’re craving. But what about friends? After using Tinder and OKCupid for dating, I was actually more interested in finding new pals and I figured I could keep using the same tools but with a different purpose.

I’m open to love but not looking for it. I’m taking a very chill approach to new relationships these days, preferring to let the right connection come to me rather than chasing it. That said, I’ve always found dating apps really interesting and I love dating, so even though I’m not looking for romance, I still enjoy that aspect of it. Why not keep the parts of dating I enjoy and use the same approach to simply find cool people to hang with?

I’m upfront about it. I state in my profile that I’m looking for friendship so it’s clear to anyone perusing my stats what I’m open to. I also make sure to talk about it explicitly before I meet anyone in person. A dating site isn’t the typical place for people to find platonic connections, so I make sure I’m upfront about it. I have no interest in leading people on.

Friendship is more important to me than partnership. Don’t get me wrong, I love being in a relationship, but the older I get, the more I realize that a solid network of good friends is much more important. I want to have a community of amazing people around me more than I want to find “The One.” I’ve spent way too much time giving up my friendships for the sake of whichever relationship I was in at the time. Now it’s time to start putting friendship first.

An online connection doesn’t mean a real-life romance. Even if I meet someone online who I think could be an incredible partner, you never know until you’ve actually met them. I’ve met a few guys who, on paper and from our messages, seemed like real keepers, only to find there was no chemistry in real life. In those situations, I was open to keeping them as friends rather than scrapping all that potential because the spark of romance wasn’t there.

Friends First Approach To Dating

Not everyone has the same idea. Unfortunately, some people aren’t into it. Some of those dudes just dropped off the face of the earth when they realized I wasn’t interested romantically. I get it, they were looking for something specific and I just wasn’t on board. To me though, it just seems like a shame to shut off the possibility of platonic connection just because I wasn’t DTF.

It’s hit and miss. Just like searching for real-life romance through a screen doesn’t guarantee a connection, neither does looking for friends. I love dating because it’s an opportunity to meet an entirely new human being and friendship dating is no different. That said, some people just do not fit together and there’s a lot of time spent awkwardly sipping coffee over a forced conversation, calculating how many minutes until I can politely exit the interaction.

I’ve had some weird dates come out of it. Even if I say on my profile that I’m looking for friends, and even if that’s explicitly stated before we meet, there are still some people who equate dating apps with, well, dating. On the one hand, that’s totally fair enough. On the other hand, we’re all adults here and we (hopefully) all understand the concept of consent. When one of us is looking for friendship and the other is only interested in hooking up, nobody wins.

If we can use apps for romance, why not for friendship? We’re living in a world that is steadily becoming more and more digitized and if we can use technology to find our soulmates, why can’t we do the same to find friends? There’s an app for that, right? The social stigma around online dating has pretty much disappeared, but when I tell people I find friends online, I still get some funny looks.

Is Bumble For Friends Or Dating

The tech world is catching on. For a hot minute, Tinder launched a version of the app created for exactly this purpose. Unfortunately, the idea tanked, probably because as a hook-up app, it’s not particularly geared towards meaningful connections. Nevertheless, there are a bunch of other apps that are designed for exactly that market if, like me, you’re not opposed to finding cool people through the power of the internet.

“Sponsored: The best dating/relationships advice on the web. Check out Relationship Hero a site where highly trained relationship coaches get you, get your situation, and help you accomplish what you want. They help you through complicated and difficult love situations like deciphering mixed signals, getting over a breakup, or anything else you’re worried about. You immediately connect with an awesome gecoach o”n text or over the phone in minutes. Just click here…

Read more:

[karliesbuzzcut]

Is enty have real info? Because he seems to talk alot about karlie etc and I'm confused

I meant to answer this message a few days ago but now I’m so glad I didn’t, for reasons I’ll explain later on.

To be honest, I only found out about Enty’s existence because of Kaylors. I’m a fan of celebrity gossip, I’m not going to act like I’m above it because I’m not. But I guess the gossip I go for is “Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt are getting divorced” or “Demi Lovato’s ex has been talking shit online”. Things more tangible, you know?

Meanwhile Enty posts 10 times a day, cryptic messages like “foreign singer just had unprotected sex”. Which just leaves me dry. The messages are so vague and there are so many of them that at some point is inevitable he’s going to get something right. Whether it is because he talked to someone or just mere luck, we don’t know. And it almost doesn’t matter because it’s just one true thing out of a hundred bullshit lines. That rate alone makes him very unreliable.

Now, the reason that I’m glad I didn’t answer this message sooner. I always wondered why I only found out about Enty when I delved into Kaylordom. And it was until I read the article about Fake Babies by The Atlantic, that it clicked*: Enty caters to a conspiracy leaning audience.

Here’s what the article says about him:

“I don’t like hypocrites. People magazine and TMZ are owned by film studios, record labels. They have an agenda; they’re giving you a sanitized view of celebrity,” Enty tells me. “They call it gossip, but we know what gossip really is. That’s the thing that keeps me obsessed and the thing that makes me want to keep writing—looking for these holes.”

He goes down the list for me. It’s “pretty obvious” that Beyoncé used a surrogate with Blue Ivy. It’s “pretty obvious” that Tomlinson didn’t write the tweet announcing the birth of his son, so who did? Liam Payne, another former member of One Direction, may or may not be the father of the singer Cheryl’s baby (“Cheryl is just a master of fake relationships; I never really trust anything that she does. But there’s not enough interest for me to dig around in Cheryl’s life and find out.”) Markle was “cradling a baby bump when she was supposedly less than two months pregnant, and it just didn’t make any sense.” And then, Hunter. No opinion on the first two kids, but “there’s supposedly this third kid named Finn, born in 2019, and nobody has ever seen the child.” (Although media outlets reported in 2018 that Hunter and Cumberbatch were expecting their third child, the couple haven’t confirmed it publicly, and they are known for being extremely private.)

*in all fairness, when I say “it clicked” I mean “it clicked for @kaylorfails” who was the first one to bring it up. I only read the article and though “oh! I know what she means!”

[nedrasnielsen]

So here’s the story… Remember it has fish in it, so there’s always fish tales to go with any fish story. You’ll have to figure out what’s true or false. Yet again it could all be true. You decide.

We left Friday, July 3rd. We were due for a little R&R. Time to get out of the office and off the road for awhile. Well we did have a bit of a drive to get there.  216 miles. Not any further than Lake Powell is from us, but it takes twice as long to get there.

When we were almost there, we caught our first surprise. It wasn’t a very pretty site. All of a sudden the traffic come to a dead stop.  It was on a curve and I could see traffic stopped in both direction. Being in my line of work I figured ROAD CONSTRUCTION… Boy was I ever wrong. It was someone parked part way in the road and part way on a drive approach. Then I could see the fiery blaze. He was trying to get it out of the line of traffic and further off the road without catching the grass on fire. I couldn’t imagine our boat going up in flames. And I’m pretty sure the first thing I would have done was disconnect my rig from the boat. But he didn’t. The flames started at the back. Then worked their way forward. Everyone got out of the vehicle okay including the dogs. But it’s all still sad.

  So after a little rubber necking as we drove by we were off to the the gorge again. ALMOST THERE…!

I did convince Hank we needed to eat before we hit the water. We stopped at this cute little place in Manila UT. The name of it was the THE GORGE…. food was really good. As far as the service. It was a little on the slow side. They tried to justify it with the fact they had just had a big table come in. I found out on Monday the service is just slow. It was pretty good service even with it being slower than snail dung.

Finally we hit the water about 3pm. Now that was nice. But poor Hank had to work his but off. I’ve never fished for Mac before and it’s a whole new story. I had no idea how to rig the pole or anything. That’s were my knight in shining armor comes in as always. He just went to setting up my pole and getting all of my stuff fixed up. I knew all he really wanted was to get his own pole in the water. But I always come first. And that’s only one reason why I love him so much.

Photo by Maria Pop on Pexels.com

Photo by Berendey_Ivanov / Andrey_Kobysnyn on Pexels.com

Now we’re both rigged up and fishing … Well guess who catches the first fish? If you said me, you’d be dead wrong. Hank always out fishes me. And he has done this before and has a good idea of what’s going on. Me I’m like a newborn fresh out of the fire. Oh I know how to fish. I know how to fish for normal things anyway. Mac , not so much. Boy did I ever get a schooling.

As you see we’re talking about big fish. That’s not a little cooler.  As far as Hank was concerned these were little fish. He wanted about a thirty pounder.(or more) Most of what we caught were only ten pounders at best. Mine on the other hand were about 3 pounders. And after reeling in 10 pounds of sinker and pop gear I was tired. My arms hurt. I’m not as tough as I used to be. And I can’t give away trade secrets…. I’d be in big trouble for that. I like keeping my husband on my good side. I will tell you he makes a lot of his own gear.  Some of this stuff he makes costs over forty dollars for one to buy. And it gives him something else to do besides reloading ammo in the winter. I can’t say he was disappointed but he wasn’t thrilled either.

The other great thing about this trip was it was just us. No kids, no family,  no friends, no nobody. It was so nice to just spend one on one time. To reconnect a little. We have a lot of time alone at home. He’s out on the tractor working on our place, or I’m doing paper work or something. We try hard to keep close to each other but it doesn’t always happen. We lead busy lives and we try not to let life get in our way. Yet sometimes it does.  AND THAT’S LIFE !!!!

Flaming Gorge is such a beautiful place. One thing that made it even more beautiful was the place we stayed. THE VILLA….. Let me tell ya a little about the THE VILLA. It’s owned by a sweet gentleman by the name of Dirk. And Dirk is no push over. He wanted his info up front and was willing to answer all of my questions when I called for details on his little place in Manila. The price was right and I wouldn’t have to switch rooms for our stay for any reason. Remember this was July 4th weekend.  I’d done my research online before I had even called. Now this was a fishing trip, not a hang out in the room trip. And Dirk’s add catered to fisherman. Plenty of room to park a boat and he gave a free bag of ice each day you stayed. And I didn’t think we would be spending much time in the room anyway. So when the comments said the rooms were dated I really didn’t give a care. All other comments were quit favorable. Others had said that the rooms were very clean. And that was pretty much all I was looking for this trip. But when we got there…… OMG. Clean rooms was an understatement. I don’t think I’d ever been in a motel room ( and that’s from one end of the US to the other) that could compare to the cleanliness of this room. And so every morning we would go in and say HI to Dirk. He would make sure we got our bag of ice, and that everything was satisfactory with our room. And would ask if there was anything else he could do or us. And of course there was always fishing stories exchanged and great advise about the local waters he knew so well.  I had thought if we had come up for a more girly trip I would have wanted to stay somewhere more ROMANTIC… But after staying at THE VILLA. I would never stay anywhere else up there. THANK YOU DIRK for such an amazing atmosphere. We loved it and we’ll be back.

We did take some time a make a few business contacts and drop off a few cards . But not a lot. After all it was 4th of July weekend.

So we fished till late Sunday. We caught a fair amount of fish. And we had a great time. And on the way we did a little site sein’ .We had fun and got a chance to work on our personal connection. It was a great trip all and all.

OH WAIT I FORGOT TO SHOW AND TELL ABOUT MY GREAT CATCH WITH THE SILVER FISH……. OKAY LET ME GO SMOKE A SMOKE AND CHECK ON MY HUSBAND AND I’LL SHOW AND TELL YA ALL ABOUT IT.

……… Okay I’m back. Now for the rest of the story. Like I said we were fishing for BIG FISH. Not the normal lake trout or what have you. So I’m holding on to my pole cause that’s what ya do. There’s no rest in this game. And we’re trolling along…. And all of a sudden my drag runs out. I’m thinking ok I’m snagged again. You know how they call some girls Hagatha. Well you can call me Snagatha. I’m really good at it. But then I get some give. OK well maybe it’s not a snag. So now I’m trying to real in and I can’t. It won’t real in !!!!! Hank reals his line in a and comes over to help me. He can’t real it in either. So here we are thinkin’ its a big fish. I’m pretty excited and so is Hank. That was the purpose of this trip was for me to catch a big fish and it looks like it’s going to happen.  I’m trying to reel in with all my might. It’s just not working so we both know that’s it’s dead weight coming off the bottom. And this is what these big fish do. It takes more power than what me or the reel have. Hank grabs a towel and starts pulling it in. I real as fast as I can… Sometimes it’s not fast enough. I’m thinking I don’t want to loose this fish…

Hank keeps pulling and I can tell there’s a lot of weight there. I keep reeling. After a few minutes of all this. Here’s my fish being pulled into the boat. I’m thinking this is a strange looking fish. But then I get a closer look and I realize just how big of a catch I got. I’ve just reeled in $50.00 worth of downrigger supplies. Including the catch and release gear to go with it.  Dead weight off the bottom. Am I disappointed …. Oh hell no. He’ll use it in the future for sure. Am I disappointed I didn’t catch a big fish. If I was it would mean I missed the whole point about this trip. Spending time with you’re significant other is priceless.

Hope you all had a fantastic forth of July….  Stay and safe and remember all the fantastic thigs you can do for each other.

Lots of love…..

couple more photos of a fantastic area.

Flaming Gorge ! Fishing Trip. Reconnect. So here's the story... Remember it has fish in it, so there's always fish tales to go with any fish story.

[immedtech]

An infrared body scanner told me some hard truths

When you're overweight, you try to avoid buying clothes from fast-fashion retailers that you know won't cater to your size. Hell, even if you aren't too big, stores like H&M don't make it easy to buy clothes since their sizes bear little resemblance to what you're expecting. And since nobody wants to be reminded that they need to shed a couple of pounds, they tend to avoid those stores, which is bad for business. It's a problem that TG3D Studio is looking to remedy, albeit by handing out some hard truths along the way.

TG3D Studio is the startup behind the Scanatic 360 Body Scanner, a changing room-sized infra-red body scanner. The demo version here in Taiwan is clad in piano black plastic with neon lights, and it wouldn't look out of place in the sort of trendy clothes stores normal people don't visit. But that's just for here: other editions can be retrofitted into regular changing rooms in a department store or other retailer. The only difference are the plastic pillars in the corners that hide the infra-red scanners themselves.

In order to test it out, I was asked to install the Cloudzet app from the App Store and connect it to the local scanning box. Once I had signed in with my Facebook account, I was asked to place my phone on a stand that sits in front of the mirror. The app then guides you through the process of standing up tall, feet apart, with your hands out wide. There are a pair of side-mounted handles that you're asked to grip to make sure you're in the right position for the scan.

TG3D says that the data is collected and stored on your smartphone, and that it won't hold copies of your measurements. Plus, since you're expected to do the scan in your underwear, it's probably for the best that those pics remain in your care. The scan itself takes a couple of seconds, and then it takes around half a minute for the system to crunch the data and show you a rough 3D avatar. Tell it your height and weight, and the app will then show you your Neck, Shoulder, Chest, Bicep, Torso, Arm, Waist, Thigh, Hip and Inner Leg measurements.

Now, I do have the excuse that I was fully dressed during the test, so the measurements weren't entirely accurate, but they're a fair guide to my body shape. And, as usual, the truth hurts.

After half a minute, which is long enough to have a hard think about your life choices up until this point, the app shows off its other big trick. TG3D has accumulated clothes measurements from a variety of retailers including Roots, Nike, Adidas, H&M and Zara. Combined with your vital statistics, the app can tell you what sizes you should look for in store or online. And despite a George Costanza-esque preference for smaller sizes, the app told me I'm closer to a 2XL in most of those stores.

TG3D's aim is not just to bum me out, however, but to alter how clothes are made in the future. It is launching a partnership with Graupel, a Miami-based plus-sized women's fashion company. There, people can visit the office and use the technology to get a measurement for their hand-tailored outfit.

And there's plenty of opportunity to expand this proposition to any online tailoring service in the future. Imagine getting a measurement at your local mall, and sending the details to get a custom outfit made anywhere in the world. Not to mention that manufacturers could use the technology to help them build better clothes. Users only get a couple of data points, but a big company could get up to 120, which would help it create sizes that actually fit its customers. Given that Amazon -- which also has interest in body scanning -- is looking into building its own fashion empire, this is likely where the industry is headed.

Now, TG3D has, so far, only installed 60 of these boxes around the world, with the hope of adding on to every shopping mall or department store in the world. It costs around $15,000 per device, and if the end product is better-fitting clothes for everyone, that seems like a very small price to pay.

Click here to catch up on all the latest news from Computex 2018!

- Repost from: engadget Post

[fatgirlsguidetodating]

Blog: Love behind bars; online dating for prisoners.

Maybe I’m old fashioned. Maybe I’m crazy. Maybe I’m old. Maybe I’m boring. But I truly don’t get the desire to pick a criminal’s profile to correspond with on a dating site. But it happens. Regularly enough for there to be a few sites catering to this need. One of my tweets even had a response from one of those sites offering free subscription or something. I didn’t take them up on the offer. Hell if I struggle to find a normal decent guy on the dating apps and sites I’m currently using why would I then look for love in prisons?

Take the example of Canadian killer Dustin Hales. He killed his wife while the lady both he and his wife had been having a relationship with watched. He was found guilty and given a life sentence with 17 years non parole. Now he’s on one of the dating sites for women on the outside to write to men inside called “Canadian Inmates Connect.” The majority of men on the site are openly looking for love or- at least- conjugal visits.

When asked why she set the site up founder Melissa Fazzina said she thought it could help promote rehabilitation by allowing the inmates the chance to forge and nurture positive connections in the outside world. Those working in the field cautiously agree.

“Almost anything that can create a sense of community and belonging upon release, or even while you’re in there, increases the possibility of a safe reintegration—because often these guys are coming out with nothing and nobody.”

Catherine Latimer, the executive director of the John Howard Society of Canada, a non-profit organization that works with offenders and promotes just and humane responses to crime, echoes this sentiment: “They’re in prison as punishment, not for punishment. They have a right to communicate with people. They have a right to have family and friends on the outside,” she says. (1)

It should also pointed out that even without the websites this sort of thing happens and has done for a long time. Consider Charles Manson, for example, who almost married his long time pen pal/fiancee. In England notorious inmate Charles Bronson, serving a life sentence, married a lady who wrote to him. Serial killer Richard Ramirez, the so-called Night Stalker, who murdered and dismembered 13 people in the 1980s, had no trouble finding a bride. Doreen Lioy started writing to Ramirez after falling for his picture in the paper. They were married in 1996 in the prison waiting room. Ted Bundy, a rapist-murderer who was suspected of murdering 35 young women, attracted gangs of admiring groupies who sat patiently through his court cases. Even John Wayne Gacy - not the most eligible man, with a history of drugging, raping and murdering 30 young men in Chicago - ended up marrying a woman he met while awaiting the death penalty. Even Josef Fritzl, who imprisoned his daughter in a purpose built cellar as his sex slave for 24 years, received hundreds of letters.

The cliche of the prison bride as trailed trash with peroxide dyed hair and a cigarette hanging out her mouth with a vocabulary that consists mainly of swear words is actually misguided. Research has shown these women all come from different backgrounds, different socioeconomic classes, different professions, different levels of education. Some were married, some weren’t. Some had kids, some didn’t. Carlos the Jackal become engaged to his lawyer last year. The famous Glasgow hard man Jimmy Boyle married a psychiatrist he met in prison. But it does make us ask why?

From the research I’ve done quite often serial killers or those who have committed a crime- or crimes plural- are often inundated with “fan mail”. And often the letters are super sexually explicit, contain naked photos, and proposals of marriage. From what I can gather all too often the women want to try and understand the man behind the monster, perhaps even to help them find redemption. What makes someone do this? Are they lonely and in search of emotional dependence from a captive audience? Or manipulative sociopaths living vicariously through ‘celebrity’ prisoners? Are they turned on by the fame that these ‘celebrity’ prisoners gain? Do they have their own issues- psychological or otherwise- that makes these men attractive to them? Englishman Alex Cavendish, former inmate and currently a social anthropologist, cites a few reasons.

Major factors to consider are dependency and control. “Dependence works both ways - financial for many prisoners, particularly those who don’t have family ties, as well as emotional.” He explains. In describing the type of women who write to prisoners he says, "I’ll be honest and say that a fair few of the female correspondents are lonely women who often have body-image concerns (many of those whose photos I’ve seen tend to be overweight.) They feel perhaps that a prisoner is likely to be less judgmental and more appreciative of any support - emotional and/or financial.” Of course it’s not all about love. Many women (and men) choose to reach out simply to provide friendship and compassion to those behind bars. Their actions provide a much welcome lifeline, a window to the outside world. (2)

A book called "Women who love men who kill” author Sheila Isenberg examines the idea of prison lovers and it seems that my feelings of why are common. Family and friends, even strangers, genuinely are bewildered at why women would put themselves in such a complex situation. (2)

She also explains that most often these women are damaged- they’ve been hurt in the past; they’ve been sexually abused, psychologically, emotionally abused. So a relationship with a man in prison leaves the woman in control. He’s locked away, he can’t hurt you, you decide when to visit him, you even decide whether or not to accept his collect phone calls. So they feel safer. (3)

Issenberg cites an example of a British woman who has been engaged to several death-row inmates in the USA, all of whom have since been executed. Yet she, and many of these women, claim they didn’t specifically chose the course for themselves. Karen Richey’s partner, for instance, is on death row in Ohio. Karen says that she wasn’t looking for a love affair when she made contact with Kenny, a 38-year-old Scot: “My war cry is that I only wanted to be a pen pal. Kenny insists this is going to be on my grave stone.” (4)

There is a condition known as hybristophilia (often referred to as “Bonnie and Clyde syndrome) which Wikipedia defines as "a paraphilia in which sexual arousal, facilitation and attainment of sexual orgasm are responsive to and contingent upon being with a partner known to have committed an outrage, cheating, lying, known infidelities or crime, such as rape, murder, or armed robbery. ” Don’t get me wrong- we all have had the bad boy phase at some point in our lives but I think this is taking it a bit too far.

The thing is though that the fantasy of these types of romances rarely matches the reality. For starters physical contact us obviously limited thus they often never progress past the courting stage. The men spend their days exercising or working in their prison jobs and in the evening writing letters to the women or trying to phone them. They are more compliant and attentive than they would be on the outside because the women send money, pay for their legal representation and afford them the tremendous parole advantage of a permanent address as well as the fact there are little female distractions whilst locked up.

Clinical Psychologist Dr Stuart Fischoff likens it thus; “The love object is almost irrelevant at this point. [The prisoner] is a dream lover, a phantom limb.” (2) Prison relationships therefore seem to retain the intoxicating elements of the “honeymoon period” of all relationships, where that first endorphin-flush of love always involves a degree of transference; whereby we all see our partners as we hope them to be, imagining that the love object embodies the qualities we crave. The excuses the women give for their partner’s alleged crimes operate as in all other relationships. They do what we all sometimes do when faced with negative information about loved ones: they refuse to believe it. They aren’t having to ask the men to pick up their dirty socks or put the toilet seat down.

When it comes to how these women dealt with the knowledge they were in love with someone who’d committed a terrible crime found ways to rationalise it or mitigate the crime and excuse it. For example: he didn’t really mean to be that murderer. In the course of interviewing women for her book Issenberg cited one woman who said, 'He was awkward and when the door hit him in the arm, the gun went off.’ And another one who said, 'His friends were all drinking and doing drugs and he got carried away and he didn’t mean to do it.’ (3)

So how do these dating sites for men behind bars work? Well they are like dating profiles on conventional dating sites. There’s a photograph, a short bio, hobbies and interests. The only difference in this part is the details of their incarceration. Again like conventional sites women pick the guy they like the look and sound of and start writing to them, building a rapport and hopefully a romantic relationship.

“Love a Prisoner” claims to have a “75% compatibility rating for those looking for their soul mate” – including inmates on death row. “Our mission is to give inmates a sense of hopefulness by connecting them to people on the ‘outside world’,” the website states. (5)

The forums on "Write a prisoner” give insight into what the women are looking for. They include things such as chatty prisoners, ones who don’t ask for money, and ones who haven’t committed sex crimes. The women have also slammed claims they are “groupies” of men who have committed vile acts. (5)

“Meet-an-Inmate” claims to be ranked #1 among prison pen pal websites and has been helping inmates connect with the outside world since 1988. They claim it’s a free, easy way to brighten up an inmates day but stress they are NOT a dating service. (6) However despite this romantic feelings can- and do- develop. There have been quite a few marriages from the site over the years. The founder, Arlen Bischke, explained that many prisoners get cut off from their family and friends so correspondence can really brighten their day. (7)

Christian Science Monitor reported that the online prisoner dating industry has grown from humble beginnings. Leading sites now boast “between 7,000 and 10,000 ads” and ABC News claim there are over a dozen major prisoner dating sites now. (7)

In conclusion I must admit to a certain fascination with true crime. I’ve got two shelves on my bookshelf dedicated to the genre after having discovered it during my undergrad legal degree and then my postgrad in criminology, as well as my time working in prosecution and the courts for the government. Shows about true crimes fascinate me. I devoured “making a murderer” (and read Jereme Butings book about that and the illusion of justice for indigent defendants which is pretty much the same in Australia these days given legal aid cuts mean cases are means tested and if they don’t think there’s a chance of winning they won’t take it purely because of lack of resources) and am loving “murder uncovered.” I’ve read a heap of books on Ivan Milat, Julian Knight, Bradley Murdoch and the infamous “underbelly” underworld crime spree. But would I then think to myself okay I’m going to write to these guilty criminals and maybe start some kind of friendship that could perhaps grow into a relationship? Hell no I don’t. (NB: I don’t believe that Steve Avery of MAM fame was guilty but that’s beside the point here.) I have no desire to want to correspond with killers, with men who will likely die in prison, let alone try and fall in love with them! Not only would it be an unequal and strange relationship but there would be no point. Plus the little fact that I don’t get turned on by men who could kill another human being with scant regard, or no regard, for the sanctity of life and the pain and suffering it would consequently create. And though I’ve really tried to understand the women who do this while researching and writing this blog post, and whilst I even partly understand some of the reasoning in bits, I just don’t get it. Love behind bars is just not for me.

Fatgirl.

Sources:

(1) https://www.vice.com/en_au/article/inside-the-matchmaking-service-for-murderers-rapists-and-violent-offenders

(2) https://www.google.com.au/amp/www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/features/dating-a-prisoner-what-attracts-people-on-the-outside-to-fall-in-love-with-convicted-criminals-10326587.html%3Famp

(3) https://www.google.com.au/amp/attn-google-amp.herokuapp.com/stories/6268/why-women-fall-in-love-prison-inmates

(4) https://www.google.com.au/amp/s/amp.theguardian.com/world/2003/jan/13/gender.uk

(5) https://www.google.com.au/amp/s/www.thesun.co.uk/living/2907384/women-who-send-love-letters-to-prisoners-reveal-what-they-look-for-in-a-jailbird-pen-pal/amp/

(6) http://www.meet-an-inmate.com/

(7) http://thegrio.com/2011/12/20/online-sites-for-dating-men-in-prison-1/

Other sources:

https://www.google.com.au/amp/jezebel.com/5755106/women-who-marry-prisoners-arent-just-crazy-ladies/amp

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/womens-life/10665003/Murderous-love-Why-are-so-many-women-aroused-by-serial-killers.html

http://m.topix.com/forum/city/cape-girardeau-mo/TPEUTFH8HOOU5H9AF

Sites to meet prisoners (if you’re brave enough….)

http://www.conjugalharmony.com/

http://loveaprisoner.com/

https://www.prisondatingsite.com/

http://www.femaleprisonpals.com/

http://www.writeaprisoner.com/

http://www.prisonpenpals.net/

[ladystylestores]

How Xsolla provides developers with a game business engine

Xsolla is a video game powerhouse, but chances are you haven’t heard of it. That’s because the company stays behind the scenes as it provides what it calls a “business engine” for game developers, and it has done so for 15 years.

Xsolla handles more than 700 different payment systems around the world. And it works with more than 1,500 game companies and 2,000 games. While other payment companies focus on larger industries, Xsolla has thrived by focusing mainly on games. That has helped it figure out what developers need to run their businesses and provide the payment and backend services that can make the difference. To date, the company has helped its game partners generate more than $3 billion in revenue across 3,400 games.

Chris Hewish is a veteran in the game industry (most recently with Skydance Interactive), and he joined Xsolla four months ago as president. Aleksandr Agapitov started the company in 2005 to provide resources and tools for smaller developers who needed to access the same kind of services that big game publishers could provide. That includes anti-fraud efforts and user acquisition.

Hewish said the idea is to democratize the business side of games. The company is hiring, and it continues to come up with new services every quarter during the pandemic. I spoke with Hewish about the business. As a developer, he has designed and produced over 50 games generating more than $1 billion in sales. Now he says he enjoys being on the other side of the business, making lives easier for developers.

Here’s an edited transcript of our interview. (I’m going to moderate a webinar with Berkley Egenes of Xsolla on August 13 on the topic of subscriptions and lifelong relationships with gamers.)

Above: Chris Hewish is president of Xsolla.

Image Credit: Xsolla

GamesBeat: What’s a good way to explain Xsolla for people who don’t know about it?

Hewish: We like to call ourselves the “video game business engine.” You already, if you’re making games, have game creation engines, like Unreal or Unity or any number of others. But nobody out there is providing a business engine. The engine that provides all the tools to run your own games business. We do that. We provide a set of tools and services that help our customers operate and sell games globally.

One of the cool things about us, there’s an analogy that some people use internally. We’re the Shopify of games. We provide all these tools and services, but we’re focused only on the games industry. That’s the key differentiator for us. There are other options for some of what we do. Nobody does everything that we do. But with our competitors, none of them are focused just on games. We know the games space. We know gamers and game makers. We cater our tools to their needs.

GamesBeat: How long have you been at Xsolla now?

Chris Hewish: We’re going on my fourth month. Fifth since I started talking with them, but fourth actually working here. It was crazy. It all came together the week that all the voluntary lockdowns were starting. I was in the office for four days before everything got locked down, the mandatory lockdowns. It’s an interesting way to start.

GamesBeat: What was interesting to you about the job itself?

Hewish: I’ve always been on the content creation side. I’ve been doing that for 20-plus years in a variety of roles. This was the first time I jumped over to the B-to-B side, more of a tools and business focus. What was interesting about that is it opened up a whole new section of the industry to me. I’m not going to say I know everything, because nobody does, but I know a lot about developing content, working with dev teams, publishing, all of that, on the individual projects side of things. But the opportunity to work on a much larger scale with all the backend tools and the things that help you run your business is pretty cool. This is the stuff that, in the past, I had worked with vendors on. Now I’m going over to the other side and doing that at scale.

We work with more than 2,000 games and more than 1,000 different companies. That’s a kind of scale and exposure that I never had access to before, when I was on the content side. Maybe I had a slate of a dozen games back at Dreamworks, at any given time. This is a much different insight into the industry.

Above: Xsolla provides a game business engine for developers.

Image Credit: Xsolla

GamesBeat: What kind of tasks and responsibilities do you have?

Hewish: One of the big things, and one of the reasons I was brought in, was coming in to help with internal communication. The company is a multinational with three different offices at the moment, in three different countries. All those offices have grown. The company has seen quite a bit of growth over the past few years. They were getting to a point where the management team, the executive team, needed someone to come in and help them bridge all the communication gaps between the offices, whether it was cultural, or even departmental.

You have a lot of people that have been doing great work, but they’ve been doing it on their own. Now that there are departments building up around them, there’s a natural change in the type of communication, a light touch of structure and process as you go from operating as more of a small, entrepreneurial environment to more of a mid-size company. There is some structure that needs to come into place.

That was a big part of bringing me in. Face-to-face communication has changed. I was initially brought in to do a lot of going to conferences and helping to talk about Xsolla. Not the products, not a sales pitch guy, but how are we positioned as a thought leader in the space? How can we start sharing a lot of insights and learnings that we’ve gained?

Part of the company’s goal is to democratize gaming, meaning we’re providing all these tools and resources that often are only available to the biggest publishers. We’re providing them to all game developers.

GamesBeat: What do some of those tools include? You started with payments, but what have you grown into?

Hewish: We started in payments, and we’re now integrated with more than 700 payment methods from around the world, including cashless payments, credit cards, all that stuff. There’s a whole anti-fraud component that goes with that. We’ve also expanded with a partner network, which is a way for you to partner up with influencers, distribution sites, all kinds of stuff, and run different campaigns.

Developers can generate performance-based campaigns with influencers and distribution outlets, so they get paid based on how they’re performing with you. We have a network of around 11,000 influencers integrated, and we’re plugged into some other networks. We’re currently focused on Twitch, but we’re expanding to other platforms as well.

We have a site builder, which is what it sounds like. It allows games to quickly throw up a website and pull from their Steam page or other platforms that they may already be active on to get all the assets into the website quickly, so that you can start managing your own game site. Then you can sell directly to your players.

We have the Xsolla store. There’s the store on the website, but there’s also the in-game store. You can use us to plug in and stand up your own in-game store, where you can sell whatever you want. Recently, just in the past two weeks, we released an update that allows you to sell virtual items and virtual currency from your store and your website for your game.

Above: Xsolla offloads business matters from developers.

Image Credit: Xsolla

We have a secure login system, so that players can create their own accounts. You can develop that one-to-one direct relationship with your players. Then we also have a launcher, just what it sounds like. You can build your own game launcher with all the cool bells and whistles integrated, such as access to your store, videos, and other games. If you have multiple games you can do a game launcher or a company launcher.

That’s it in a nutshell. We have a lot of subdivisions within there, how these different products turn into solutions for you. We did just release, on the Unreal store and the Unity store, the SDKs for our in-game solution, as well as a plug-in for subscriptions and preorders.

Preorders is a great one. We worked with PUBG back in the day on their preorder campaign. We work with a lot of big partners as well as a lot of small ones. They were able to set up their preorder campaign in less than a day using our plug-in.

Market focus

GamesBeat: All of this is still pretty complicated for small game companies to do. It sounds like there’s still enough complexity in the business that you really do want to offload this from the people who are just making games.

Hewish: Definitely. There are two parts to it. It takes time and resources, and developers are usually strapped for both of those just getting the game itself done. And then there’s the factor of, even if you could do it yourself, keeping it updated post-launch as things change, which they always do, whether it’s new payment systems coming online, or anything that could be changing on the backend in regards to managing your login with your customers, the database side of it — we handle not just that up-front piece, but also the maintenance. That becomes a big cost and time savings for developers. Our goal is to help developers and publishers focus on making great games and providing great experiences to their players. We’ll handle the rest of it.

GamesBeat: Are you limited by territories still, or have you gotten to the point where it’s global?

Hewish: Yeah, we’re worldwide. We can operate in China.

GamesBeat: The 2,000 developers, how does that break down? Are there a lot of companies with just one person that can tap into you, or do you have to be bigger than that to make use of Xsolla?

Hewish: No, anybody can work with us. We do a fair amount of custom work as well for some of our partners, and when you get to that level, that’s more driven by the opportunities. If you’re a solo developer, you can grab our SDKs from Unity or Unreal to get started. You can create a publisher account with us and start integrating a lot of our products off the shelf. When it comes to a lot of the custom work, we have a large team in Russia, where the company was founded. We have engineers over there that do a fair amount of not just new development, but also custom development with some of our big partners.

GamesBeat: As some of these companies grow up, like Unity, are they moving into competition with you?

Hewish: Not yet, knock on wood. Who knows what will happen in the future with those companies? But there so far has been a fairly clean divide where they’re focused on just the tools to make the games, and we’re focused on the tools to do the business side, to sell the games, get them into players’ hands. We’re not exclusionary. Even things like our login system, the launcher, selling your own games, those all happen alongside whatever other business you’re doing. We encourage partners to be as agnostic as they want to be when it comes to their channels. We just give them the ability to create their own direct channels.

GamesBeat: How do you spread across mobile, PC, and console?

Hewish: We’ve been primarily PC-based. We also work with some console partners now. Maybe if they have games that are cross-platform. That’s been a big push recently. Our tools allow you to go cross-platform with all three consoles. We’ve been doing some work with mobile, working with Epic on the mobile front. That’s been good. We have a number of other partners. We haven’t announced it yet, but we’re doing some work with other mobile companies. That has been an area of recent growth for us. We’re primarily PC, then console, and then mobile has been the recent growth after that.

Above: Xsolla handles payments in more than 200 countries.

Image Credit: Xsolla

GamesBeat: What kind of trends do you see? What insights do you get from being in this position?

Hewish: It’s interesting. This something we’ve talked about a lot. We do have a lot of data that flows through the company, but one of the — it’s good for the company, but it makes it hard to directly answer the question. I’m a context guy, so I’ll give you a context.

Some of the trends that we’re starting to see from a macro sense, through our network, it’s much more of a shift to going cross-platform. That’s been the PC domain for a while. You develop a PC game, and then PC developers have been more likely to push cross-platform into console and mobile. Console developers have been in the middle. But the new thing we’re seeing is mobile companies starting to make that shift.

Whether they’re maxing out the market, the market’s maturing, whatever it might be, or they have games that are getting more mature in their life cycle, we’ve seen much more interest from mobile-first companies on, how can they get their games onto PC? How can they migrate over? That’s something where we’re working with some pretty good partners. That’s been a big recent trend.

This has already been talked about in the industry, but we’re certainly seeing another trend in the feature requests we’re getting. Games are expanding to become more of a social network. That’s obviously an already documented trend, but what we see from our partners also supports that. They’re looking at how to get that direct relationship with their players, not just so they can upsell them from a business standpoint, but keep them in their ecosystem and treat it much more like a social network. Keeping players more engaged.

The Netflix of gaming?

GamesBeat: On the subscription side, I’ve heard interesting theories there about the discovery that happens as a result of having the marginal cost of playing a new game at zero. The player behavior changes. They start playing a lot more games, trying out things they would never have otherwise spent money on. That discovery and improved usage then turns into a big benefit of subscription for companies like Microsoft, with Game Pass. Do you see benefits accruing for the game companies that are using subscriptions?

Hewish: We do. The big takeaway, the big data point on that is we’re seeing that people who are subscribers, if you get someone to purchase a subscription with your game, they buy twice as much other content as non-subscribers. That’s interesting to me, because I had initially been thinking — I was with a lot of people in the mindset that subscriptions are a nice ancillary revenue stream, a way to reach part of your player base that isn’t spending, and maybe it’s a part of your player base that doesn’t have the $20 or $30 at any point in time to buy discretionary items. Maybe they have $5 a month they can commit to a subscription. We’re seeing that if you do get somebody to subscribe, and it’s not just your VIPs, but if any player can get in, then they’re much more likely to turn into spenders down the road.

That was the big thing I learned back in the mobile space, when I was doing games there. Once you cross that initial piece of friction, getting somebody to spend in your game, it unlocks the ability for them to spend much more on an ongoing basis. It’s a convoluted way of saying it, but to loop back, subscriptions are another way that developers or publishers can cross that divide from non-spender to spender. However you get someone to be a spender, whether it’s through a low initial purchase or a special offer or a subscription, once they cross over, they’re much more likely to keep spending.

GamesBeat: On cross-platform, I remember the Dauntless people saying that it’s still pretty complicated to pull it off. Sony will let someone buy credits on their platform, but they can’t be spent in the same game on another platform. They don’t want you buying something on their platform and consuming it somewhere else. The rules are still difficult for them to implement.

Hewish: The platforms still have some control over some of these things, but it is coming down. One of the cool things we have is you can offload those purchases outside of the platform. That potentially helps. For the platform holders, you’re right. If you purchase credits, Microsoft doesn’t want to redeem them if the revenue is going to Sony. If it’s items or assets the players already have in their accounts, those are able to travel.

Above: Some of Xsolla’s vital stats.

Image Credit: Xsolla

GamesBeat: Are you still doing investments in indie games through your capital fund?

Hewish: We have what we call Funding Club now. The capital fund went away. It’s a free matchmaking service. We work with a number of different investors, whether they’re individuals or companies or funds or whatever it might be, publishers even, that are looking for games. We work with a lot of developers. We can prescreen stuff for investors and developers. We can give developers advice on how to put a pitch together, what kind of things investors would want to see. Anything we then put into the Funding Club, the partners, our friends in there, they know we’re only going to surface stuff that’s worth taking a look at. It’s a service we don’t charge for.

GamesBeat: I wonder if we’ll get to some kind of next level of payments when things like cryptocurrency and blockchain hit maturity. Do you foresee that happening and changing the business in some way?

Hewish: We already work with cryptocurrency. That’s part of our payments integration. We could easily roll that blockchain support to integrate into things like our stores and the site builder and the launcher. If there are new blockchain products it would make sense to create, and I can think of a few off the bat, in regards to how you handle assets and things like that, we’re positioned to do that. We haven’t at the moment, though, just because there’s no real demand from the market. What demand there is has been satisfied by existing blockchain companies themselves.

Company culture

Above: Xsolla helps developers fight fraud.

Image Credit: Xsolla

GamesBeat: Is there anything else you wanted to talk about today? It’s the 15th anniversary coming up here.

Hewish: It is. We just had it. July 15 was the actual date, 15 years ago. Our founder, Aleksandr, he set up the company in Russia to address what he personally had as a pain point, being able to pay for stuff in games, to buy games. It was painful to do that from where he was in Russia, so he created the first version of our payment system and it took off from there.

I could certainly go into some of the things that, as a company — the things that we’ve learned and applied to our business. Not from a product standpoint, but more like, here are some business values or lessons that guide us, that have helped us succeed. I will say, on the success side of it, since we were founded we’ve had close to — it’s a ridiculous number, something like 200,000 percent growth. It’s been a pretty massive scaling over the years.

GamesBeat: Tell us about it.

Hewish: There are five things that we base ourselves on when we work with our partners today, things that work for us and might be helpful to other companies. The first thing is, be one with your customer. What I mean by that is, as more and more companies move to a digital-first strategy, it’s more important than ever, and you have more opportunity than ever, to develop a direct relationship with your customers. Using data, behavioral analytics, all that stuff has been useful.

We have a real high-touch kind of relationship with our partners. Anybody that works with us, we have account managers. We stay in contact regularly. Be one with your industry. This goes in with that. Not only understanding our customers, but understanding the industry. You asked about why I came over to Xsolla. That was another one of the reasons that there was interest on the Xsolla side, to have me come over.

Invest in your employees. This is something I like about the company, that it takes an approach where — it’s the idea that not only are you benefiting from your employees, what they can provide to you, but what can you provide to your employees? Go with your gut. We also trust our team. If somebody is passionate about an idea, something that they want to do to drive the business forward, then we’ll support that.

These are all very supportive and intertwined with one another, but the fifth thing for us is having solid relationships with our partners. Not just providing value to them, but having good relationships with them. That’s where all of our new products come from.

GamesBeat: How many people are with the company now?

Hewish: We’re around 400 worldwide. We have about a dozen in our office in Seoul, in Korea. We’re close to 50 in Los Angeles. The rest, more than 300, are in Russia at the main office in Perm. We’re expanding. We haven’t announced specifics, but we’re expanding in other places as well.

Managing in the pandemic

Above: Xsolla helps customers generate more revenue through subscriptions.

Image Credit: Xsolla

GamesBeat: Has there been any change in how things get done because of the pandemic?

Hewish: Yeah, for sure. The shift to digital, first of all, went smoother than I expected it would, which is great. The company was supportive and jumped on it quickly.

We had a fair amount of online production and performance-related tools that were up and running. We were in a good place. The elements for us that have required a bit of adjustment are just the face-to-face communication, the brainstorming with the team — that part had to go over to digital. The whiteboarding, the ideation, sharing knowledge, mentoring, whether it was with business development teams or production teams, that stuff all has been impacted.

We’re starting to get into a good groove with it. We went through a bit of a pain point, like a lot of people did, finding that right balance of — initially there were just way too many video calls that took way too long.

GamesBeat: How do you manage it?

Hewish: One of the cool things we do is these asynchronous drive meetings, where we’ll designate different days of the month to focus on different business lines or different initiatives. We create a drive repository of the latest information and materials for that topic, and then people know on that day — they’re part of that project, and they asynchronously, throughout the day, leave comments, leave notes, shoot emails or messages to one another to try to work on whatever that topic is.

The hardest thing for us has just been the loss of real-life conferences. When it comes to the business development side of it, how do you — that’s been a hard thing to replace. We’ve tackled that in a few different ways. One of the things I’ve been working with our business development team on is getting involved in more online social experiences. There’s a lot of Zoom happy-hour things or Facebook groups or whatever it might be. We’re looking for more of these social engagements with people in the games industry, where you’re not even selling to them. You’re just making those connections, developing relationships, and that can lead to business down the road.

We have also been doing our own digital conference. We did Game Developer Carnival. We’re now doing something this week, Indie Craft, which is based in South Korea, where we have our own virtual conference. It’s actually a 3D world you go into. We built it on Unreal. It’s a theme park environment with booths from all the different exhibitors. You can watch video, chat with people, move your avatar around the environment. We’ve created our own solutions to hold conferences virtually, and we’re going to build on that as well.

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[runesrule]

One jillaroo’s reaction to the 2017 Marriage Equality Debacle...I mean, debate.

I don’t often get honest online. Not even really on Facebook. 

But whoo, boy, I am about to get honest as fuck. 

As you may know, discerning reader, Australia recently voted on whether or not the law in Australia should be changed to allow same-sex couples to marry. $122 MILLION later, and the answer was a resounding yes. 

Now, I work remotely on a cattle station, so on the day that results came out, I was—quite literally—about a hundred kilometres away from phone reception. That meant it was midday before I found out the result. I sat in my quarters and breathed a shaky sigh of relief. I rejoiced with a colleague, and then I braced myself. I couldn’t get excited because I knew what was coming next. 

That night, I choked down my dinner while the cook bragged about being in the 38% that voted ‘No’ 

As if pouring that kind of venom into our society is somehow brave. Would you like to know the worst part? 

I didn’t say a word. 

I pride myself on being fairly outspoken. Hell, only a week before this, I’d sat at the same table and argued passionately with another superior about why gay people should be allowed to get married. For some reason, I kind of had it in my head that this motherly older lady who makes sure the workers have got electrolytes and sunscreen, who commiserates with me when the boys in the crew start to do my head in, would be on my side. 

In my business, I am surrounded by people—mainly white men—who are so unbelievably racist and homophobic and prejudiced that it makes my stomach turn. It makes my skin crawl because here’s the thing: They are fucking good at what they do. 

What we do isn’t easy. Producing beef in the north-west means long, hard days in the heat, dust and flies. Cattlemanship and horsemanship are underappreciated skills. Cattlemanship especially. My spellcheck doesn’t even recognise it as a word, it’s so underappreciated! The men who have mentored me are strong, honest, tough-as-leather old bastards. I have a whole lot of respect and admiration stored up with these men. The thing is, the majority of these men describe President Trump as a ‘straight-talker’. 

So here’s me, carrying this thing around inside me like a rock. On the surface, I am a white woman, educated and tough enough to hold my own, so I guess the pride flags and the word bi in my Instagram bio can be ignored. Maybe it would different if I was Muslim, or black or brown, but because I am an agnostic white person who doesn’t parade my sexuality around, the less-liberal people in my life can tolerate my existence. 

I have fallen as head-over-heels, butterflies-in-my-stomach in love with men and women, and there isn’t a single difference in the emotions I felt. I want to stand up and lift my chin like my mother taught me, demanding a place for all of me; for the girl and the rock. The first time I kissed a boy my hands shook and my heart bounced around like a little kid on red cordial. The first time I kissed a girl, my skin shivered and my mind went blank. I hate feeling like only one of those experiences is a burden, a thing for me to carry. Sometimes my sexuality weighs no more than any other part of me, but some days, other people’s words get stacked on top and I am forced to carry their hate and their intolerance and their nasty, petty ignorance. 

I struggle to remain true to who I am when I’m working among people who voted No. See, on one hand, I actually do enjoy their company in the smoko room, but it is always in the back of my mind that they believe some people are less deserving of rights. It makes me feel like I am less in a way that is hard to explain, as if I’m settling for what I can get. Taking the scraps. Failing the community because I’m not standing up for us, for our rights as human beings. There are so many amazing, brave, brazen, intelligent advocates in our community I’m embarrassed at times that I sit and listen to vitriol without fighting against it. 

GLBTQ people are warriors. Period. Warriors who are constantly being asked to compromise in exchange for the same rights and respect that others get without question. Even though the vote was YES, our victory has been tarnished by this talk of hate written down in legislation and called religious freedom, of the right to refuse gay couples services. If a boxer was gut-punched by their defeated opponent while the referee lifted their victorious fist in the air, nobody would call that fair, would they? So how come our government is getting away with it? How come that 38% lagging in the past, hissing at the light of progress like fucking vampires, may yet walk out of this shit-fight feeling somehow validated? As if what they wrote on that piece of paper was braver than a gay couple organising their wedding even though there’s a chance the caterer could refuse to supply them because it’s a gay wedding.

The fight isn’t over. The time for ‘polite debate’ is over. As a matter of fact, it might be time to take the goddamn gloves off, because the Antis have had nails in theirs since the bell.

[cherendipity]

'Everyone Is Beautiful': A Necessary Campaign

Nowadays, we are surrounded with “everyone is beautiful” campaigns. We see it in almost every beauty brand’s advertisement, from anti-hair fall shampoo to face moisturizer. One writer argued that such campaign sends confusing messages, while some people see it as a necessary movement. I stand with the latter, because to me, “everyone is beautiful” campaign is nothing but empowering.

How does the  campaign empower people? I will try to answer that question based on my experience as a beauty editor in a digital media company.

I write, talk, research, discuss and argue about beauty topics on a daily basis. My job requires me not only to write about the latest beauty products, but also to look further into the beauty industry itself. Beauty industry, which is often seen by many as a terrifying, manipulating, and money-consuming world, is a very rich playground to me. I love to see how trend shifts, how people express themselves through makeup, and, especially, how beauty standard is evolving throughout the years.

Today beauty brands’ consumers are more drawn into social media influencers than their supermodel or celebrity ambassadors. Consumers buy a particular mascara because their favorite influencer says it’s good. They don’t buy it because of the glamorous ads featuring Gigi Hadid on a sleek magazine page. They listen to the influencers. Why? Because influencers are relatable.

These influencers might be college students in the morning and glamorous beauty guru in the evening. They can also be a full-time mom or a bank employee. More importantly, they come in all shapes and sizes, representing the idea that everyone, literally, can be beautiful in their own ways.

Instead of sending conflicting messages because it “normalizes beauty,” the opposite is true for me. The writer argues that saying everyone is beautiful implies that once everyone has it, beauty is no longer special because it has lost its role as a differentiator. But can we say Tari Bali (Balinese dance) is more beautiful than the Minangkabau’s Tari Piring? Can we conclude that batik Pekalongan’s pattern is prettier than batik Mega Mendung? Of course not. They offer different kinds of beauty, because beauty is not something that you can measure.

I believe that beauty is something that everyone has always desired. Not in a way of “I have to try to look like Dian Sastro or I’m going to be depressed for eternity,” but in a way that when we wake up in the morning, we like what we see in the mirror. For some people, that kind of satisfaction is enough to motivate them in the morning.

However, we live in a country in which online shops selling illegal whitening cream with God-knows-what ingredients have thousands of followers on Instagram. This is just another reason why we need to emphasize the notion that everyone is beautiful. Young girls feel ugly because they don’t have fair skin like their favorite soap-opera actresses. The solution? Buy illegal whitening creams on Instagram! Yay! Long term risks and skin cancer? Who cares!

There is a difference between an obsession to be beautiful and trying to find beauty in everything. I do think that everyone must feel beautiful. If people feel beautiful, they are comfortable with themselves. If they are comfortable, they are confident. I don’t want to stand in front of a mirror and say “I might be ugly, but I’m going to nail the presentation at today’s meeting.” Why can’t I say, “My hair looks on point today and it makes me feel like Wonder Woman. I’m totally going to rock my presentation.”

My beauty standard can be different from your beauty standard. My neighbor’s beauty standard can be different from Victoria’s Secret’s beauty standard. That’s where the “everyone is beautiful” campaign steps in: we create our own beauty standard.

Being “realistic” does not mean that we have to “accept” that we are not beautiful. If we consider ourselves ugly, that means we already lost and surrender ourselves to other people’s beauty standard. If I don’t have the greatest skin, then why can’t I feel good about my gorgeous eyes? If I don’t really like my sparse eyebrows, then why can’t I love my sharp cheekbones? Nobody is perfect anyway, but I don’t support the idea of calling ourselves ugly either. I don’t even know whose criteria of beauty that I have to fulfill but my own. Are we really going to go about our day with this kind of bitterness for the rest of our lives?

I also can see why the “everyone is beautiful” approach is glorified in beauty products’ advertisement. One thing to remember is that they are a very big industry. They have to sell a product, make money and grab as many consumers as they can. If they can sell a product while also promoting an optimistic approach to beauty that caters to everyone, then I’m not protesting. Beauty industry have come a long way since only skinny white girls with blue eyes are considered as the definition of beauty. I’m also confused by the contradiction: if beauty brands are criticized for promoting specific criteria of beauty standard, then why are we objecting if they say that beauty is for everyone?

In addition, I believe that promoting everyone can be beautiful also has its own cultural values. The Ultra HD Foundation by French cosmetic brand MAKE UP FOR EVER has 40 foundation shades that suit every skin color, as pale as Mia Wasikowska to deep-toned Lupita Nyong’o. I think this sends a very encouraging message to every dark-skinned girl out there, who may be tired of being told they’re not beautiful all their lives, that they, too, are beautiful. More importantly, they are represented. We don’t have to “pursue” beauty or anything, because beauty is something that we are born with. We already have it.

For me, “everyone is beautiful” campaign frees us from all the rules set by society. It lets us feel beautiful regardless how twisted other people’s beauty standards are. Again, I don’t need to meet your expectations of beauty and you don’t need to meet mine. But that does not mean that a person has to say “Go home, you’re drunk” every time he or she wants to feel beautiful, because of some random standard that might classify them as ugly.

Saying that people who are not beautiful should try to be something else (either smart, kind, funny, etc.) suggests that beauty is some kind of a VIP lounge that not everyone has the entry ticket. In a way, it would create unnecessary boundaries between people. If everyone can be smart and funny, then can’t everyone be beautiful? Better yet, why can’t we be beautiful, smart, and funny?

The way I see it, people are very cynical about beauty standard yet they never leave it alone. I’ve never heard people protesting Bill Gates or Stephen Hawking because they set an “unrealistic goals of intelligence.” I’ve never seen people criticizing Bruno Mars or Beyonce for their “unrealistic musical talent.” Other people can be the best version of themselves and we can do that too. Certainly not by saying, “I’m ugly but that’s totally okay,” but more like “I’m the coolest person I know and my own standards are the only ones that I have to follow.” I think that sends a better message rather than driving ourselves into a negative sentiment that is more discouraging than motivating.

Of course beauty is not the only thing that matters, just like everything else. You can be the smartest person in the room, but likes to interrupt when other people are talking. You can be funnier than Kevin Hart, but still makes sexist jokes at a dinner party. You can be the most generous person in your neighborhood, but you only want to donate to an orphanage where the kids have the same religion as you. In the end, no one thing is more important than the other, because it’s all about balance.

So I’m going to keep repeating that “everyone is beautiful” like a broken record. I want to live in a world where people can feel beautiful based on their own standards and not limiting themselves to try and have fun with their physical appearance.

Telling everyone they are beautiful may sound cliché, but, to me, it makes a meaningful sense if we see it in a whole new state of mind. If feeling beautiful can give you strength and power, then, by all means, do anything you want to achieve it.

Nadila Dara is a beauty editor at femaledaily.com

Sengaja aku posting tulisan dari Dara dari Female Daily, menurutku tulisan ini perlu disebar luaskan untuk orang-orang yang merasa insecure khususnya perempuan (khususnya aku sendiri).

Lets share positive vibe!

Sept, 14th 2017

Credit:

picture by owner (written on pic)

article from http://www.magdalene.co/news-1090-everyone-is-beautiful-a-necessary-campaign.html

[floraexplorer]

Doune the Rabbit Hole: The Best Music Festival You’ve Never Heard Of

  We’re going ‘Doune The Rabbit Hole’…

Up in the Scottish Highlands, close to the city of Stirling and down the road from the Lake of Mentieth, is a place called the Cardross Estate.

And every summer, it plays host to a music festival called Doune the Rabbit Hole.

My music festival history (so far)

I’ve been to a fair few music festivals in my time. The first was Exit festival in Novi Sad, Serbia, held inside a medieval fort; then I headed out to the infamous fields of Glastonbury in 2011, followed by the fancy Wilderness festival a few years ago (and again last weekend for the second time!).

I even visited my first Scottish music festival recently, which fulfilled all my expectations by featuring a wandering group of brass band players in full-on kilts.

But like most festival-lovers, I’ve never been involved with the inner workings of a festival.

Who actually runs them? How on earth do they manage to set one up and pull it off?

Arriving at the Cardross Estate

I first visited the site of Doune the Rabbit Hole one afternoon in May. The lord and lady who own the Cardross Estate invited us into their cosy kitchen, and over a bottle of red wine we chatted about festival preparations while a collection of dogs chased each other under the table.

Afterwards we walked through the fields outside the estate house and down to the riverbank amongst the sheep. So much space, and such stunning views.

I was hooked.

For each of my subsequent visits to the Cardross Estate since then, I’ve watched the place grow ever closer towards the third weekend in August – towards ‘The Festival’ – and I’ve unapologetically developed a case of festival fever.

I’ve wandered the stunning fields at Cardross, tracing in my mind’s eye where each stage and stall would eventually sit.

I’ve wandered down the tree-lined paths in the setting sun, and imagined groups of festival goers chilling out between performances.

I’ve spent evenings chatting with the folks who are building the festival up from scratch – and I’ve made immediate friendships with the estate’s resident dogs.

And the more festival-related people I meet, the more I feel sure of just how special Doune the Rabbit Hole really is.

The story of Doune 

Doune the Rabbit Hole first started in 2010 as an intimate music-festival-slash-tea-party in the Scottish town of Doune (hence the puntastic name), and for the last seven years they’ve been celebrating the very best of Scotland’s independent arts scene with a number of unique factors…

A smaller capacity = more intimate performances

Doune the Rabbit Hole occupies a modest amount of land, and there’s a maximum capacity of a few thousand people – making it one of the UK’s smallest festivals. It’s worlds apart from the hundreds of thousands swarming the Glasto fields, and due to the small size it’s easy to recognise the same faces and start making friends.

The entire Doune experience becomes much more community-driven, much more quickly.

The homegrown ethos behind Doune is also really inspiring. It’s not a commercial festival at all: the focus is predominantly about fostering and promoting local Scottish talent and celebrating what this country has to offer in terms of arts and music.

Plus the joy of such a small audience capacity means you’re treated to virtually private performances from a stellar line up.

Who could ask for more?!

Doune’s decor is like a wonderland

Alice in Wonderland, eat your heart out: Doune is one arty place to spend a weekend.

The festival’s Wonderland vibe runs through the entire site: from the Jabberwocky stage to the props and decorations (and even an occasional surprise tea party),  there’s a beautiful sense that something magical is happening around every corner.

The thousand year old oak trees may have something to do with it, too.

Everyone’s welcome – from families to dogs

There’s a strong focus on being inclusive at Doune, and every member of the family is welcome.

Camping areas are segregated, so families with young children can sleep away from the late night festivalers; all the food vendors have a £1 children’s portion on offer; and all the kids activities are meticulously planned and scheduled, making the site like one large playground.

Doune is also infamously dog-friendly – not least because lots of the organisers and on-site workers own dogs and want their furry friends to enjoy the festivities too!

The food and drink are locally sourced

All the food and drink served at Doune the Rabbit Hole comes from local vendors and suppliers, like cider from Thistly Cross, locally brewed beers from Williams Brothers, and food ranging from crepes and woodfired pizzas to locally sourced game and meat.

Yet the festival itself is wonderfully international

The primary focus of most festivals is the music – and Doune has a blindingly good line-up on offer for 2017, with many of the artists coming from as far afield as Norway, the US, Canada and Mali.

There’s a host of Scottish acts, including Idlewild’s Roddy Woomble, Meursault, PAWS, Pronto Mama and The Vegan Leather.

Liars: the New York art punks open the festival’s headlining slot on Friday night.

Songhoy Blues: a punk band from Mali who played a storming set at this year’s Glastonbury and BBC 6Music Festival in Glasgow, are headlining Doune as their ONLY Scottish gig.

Start to End: this covers collective who tackle a wide range of genres are performing Daft Punk’s Discovery on Sunday night.

Steve Davis: the six time World Snooker Champion – moonlighting as a Snookerstar DJ – will be putting his considerable DJ skills to the test when headlining the Baino stage on Friday night.

Holy Fuck: a group of Canadian electro-punks who toured with MIA.

Jenny Hval: an avant-garde Norwegian who plays electronic & melancholic pop.

The other artistic offerings are equally exciting

From comedy and film to spoken word, there’s a huge amount on offer at Doune. Here’s just a few of the folks I’m most excited to see:

Neil Hilborn

A heartfelt and honest spoken word performer from the USA, whose piece ‘OCD’ went viral online recently. Have a watch here:

Petit Prance

Luke will write a story for you about anything you ask for. He writes stories for strangers in the street, in parks, on beaches and at festivals around the world using his typewriter: just give him a subject and he’ll type your own custom story for you right there on the spot!

Fail Better

This poetry, music film and spoken word event runs in Glasgow each month – and the Fail Better crew will be working their literary magic throughout the weekend at Doune.

CineMor77

CineMorr are a social enterprise bringing people together through cinema & film making, and they have a special cinema yurt to show their screenings.

The ‘NoMansLanding’ Dome

Initially devised to portray the experiences of soldiers during World War One, this incredible interactive artwork was first installed in the waters of Sydney Harbour in 2015.

It then journeyed around the world via a shipping container to end up in Scotland – and the crew at Doune will be re-purposing the acoustic abilities of the Dome for a musical experience like no other…

NoMansLanding from Turpin + Crawford Studio on Vimeo.

And then there’s everything else!

If the above isn’t quite enough, Doune the Rabbit Hole has a ton of extras on offer.

In the words of Jamie Murray, the festival’s founder: “It’s not just a music festival! We’ve got a huge kids space with multiple activities, amazing caterers, Williams Bros. and Thistly Cross, workshops for adults and kids, and glamping in yurts. This year we’ll also be hosting axe-throwing tournaments and getting some wild swimming on the go – adjacent to our mobile sauna, of course!”

Of course, there are also the moments which nobody can predict. Occurrences I’ve merely heard mention of – like the late night campfires, the tribal drumming circles, the early riser who wanders the grounds playing the bagpipes, and stories of a legendary chai tea tent.

I’ll keep my eyes peeled for the naturally hollowed-out oak tree filled with fairy lights, and the secret leafy glen hidden beside the river which serves as the entrance to a music tent too.

You’ll leave as part of the Doune community

From the lord and lady who own the estate, to the festival crew who work tirelessly throughout the weekend to make sure everything runs smoothly, everyone is welcome at Doune the Rabbit Hole, and everyone belongs. It’s a community which may only be visible for one August weekend – but it’ll get under your skin.

As Jamie says, “It’s pretty rare to find an event that embraces a family-friendly culture. There is a real sense of community-spirit at Doune the Rabbit Hole, and I guarantee you make friends for life.”

So although I don’t know what will happen at this year’s Doune the Rabbit Hole, I’m going to be there to find out. 

See you at the festival! 

How do you buy tickets?

All the Doune festival tickets can be bought online through Eventbrite, BookItBee and SeeTickets.com. The booking fees change depending on which site you use, so make sure to check first!

Adult weekend tickets: £125 (plus online booking fee)

Adult Friday tickets: £50 (plus booking fee)

Adult Saturday tickets: £80 (plus online booking fee)

Adult Sunday tickets: £65 (plus online booking fee)

Children aged 5 and under: £4

Weekend car parking: £16

Day car parking (Fri/Sat/Sun): £10.50

Live-in Vehicle plot (party zone or quiet zone): £26

How to get to/from the festival?

There are multiple Doune Buses arriving at the site from Stirling train station, all of which are timed to meet popular trains from Glasgow, Edinburgh, and Perth.  There are also direct buses from and to Glasgow.

Bus costs differ depending on timings, so check out the options here! 

If you’re driving to the festival, the SatNav code is FK8 3JY.

How to follow on social media: 

Doune the Rabbit Hole will be publicised live on various channels throughout the weekend, using the hashtags #DTRH17 and #DouneTheRabbitHole.

If all goes to plan, I’ll also be commandeering the festival’s Instagram account to film some IG Stories, so keep an eye out!

DTRH Facebook

DTRH Instagram

DTRH Twitter

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