#like look at him. he's already so 'no fats no femmes' so why not kick it up a notch

[spaceprincesszil]

My partner has been very supportive of anything I want to do and claims to love my body no matter what. I don’t think it’s untrue but he definitely likes the hourglassy-ness I’m developing better. He hates that my hips/ass shrunk.

In 2007 I was dating some lameass dude, fucking during a totally manic phase one summer. I was getting dressed and he looked up admiringly and told me I had a fat ass. I always have an ass, I guess, but as a white girl who hit puberty in the late 90s and grew up in the age of aughts fashion where midriff was king and your hip bones MUST show and that collar bone had to pop…it was like napalm. I had a fat ass. I was probably about 150-160 and convinced I was way too fat, my BMI at 5’7” was overweight.

Spiraled.

And that brings me to the other night. My guy says he likes thick girls, but when I look at who he looks at (since I’m queer af and have some overlap in who we find attractive, we both look at porn together) really he likes curvy hourglass girls with fat in all the right places, big tits big ass small waist thick thighs, which is not how I’m built right now or when I first moved in with him. Or fit girls. I do not see him look at girls as imperfect as me. was grabbing my hips admiringly and my ass and said something like “this is my wide load.”

I froze immediately, bc all I could think of was how that’s one of the labels Lardass in Stephen King’s The Body (or film Stand By Me) gets. I made some comment about it, and he immediately got upset, like “jfc I’m tired I didn’t mean it like that.” I want to give him the benefit of the doubt, he likes phrases like that in bed, but I certainly don’t like that one.

On top of that on the lunar eclipse he had a meltdown bc as I am heading back into a more socially acceptable weight category and be idk, approaching conventionally attractive, he’s worried I’m going to leave him. I tried to explain that anyone who couldn’t see I was worthwhile before would have trouble landing my attention now or in future. I don’t like chasers of any sort.

Being fat isn’t a personality trait for me, but neither is fitness, to be honest. I tried to be body positive but it doesn’t work for me, I hope to achieve body neutrality, and just be able to be grateful for what my body can do.

But “wide load” keeps echoing in my head.

My body has changed a lot this past year but it’s still not enough. If I was a normal amount of fat it’d be more noticeable.

Almost all my underwear and bras are too big and so are most of my pants. I can almost wear my partner’s pants comfortably, which is exciting to me bc I’d love to present more masc at times and I’d like to express that more, which is hard in a fat curvy femme body. I really want some more clothes but what’s the point if I’m still shrinking? I wish I knew how to sew.

Wide load.

Fuck man, like why? I don’t really think he meant to neg.

On top of everything I am not sleeping nearly enough, I keep waking up at 4 something and can’t fall back asleep. I haven’t been walking or moving enough and I think that’s why I can’t sleep through. I have not been great about keeping up with motion as part of my mental health practice.

So this morning while I’ve been waiting I am adding lots of workouts to some playlists, and I even did an arm workout with some little weights that I can already tell kicked my ass and will make me so sore. One exercise in particular was really difficult and made me feel weak and pathetic so just means I gotta do more. I never like my arms, it’d be nice to feel good about them.

Really love the idea of getting really toned so can present more androgyny.

I’m trying not to let a comment he made sleepily at like 4 am get to me, but it’s been echoing and bouncing around in my head multiple times a day since he said it.

That’s its own kind of weight.

All i can do is move through it and do better on my end.

[aprofessionalwithoutstandards]

trans saxton hale?

He's trans but he doesn't understand theythem pronouns. He thinks Sniper tf2 is a fake transgender. Truscum Saxton Hale

[youarejesting]

Femme: 39

[MASTERLIST]

Pairing: BTS - OT7 x Reader,

Rating: Mature.

Warnings: Food poisoning, pregnancy, sex, exhibitionism, voyeurism, overstimulation, mentions of past sexual acts: oral receiving, public/work sex.

Length: 2.4k words

Announcement: I am going through a Flare-up at the moment and have been having trouble remembering things, forgot I put food in the microwave and didn’t eat all day. Forgot to pick my sister's kids up from school (they are all safe don’t worry, they were picked up late). I get kind of scared when things like this happen. If there is anything major missing in this chapter let me know. If I forgot some tags let me know. Love you all.

Recap: Fun in America.

Waking just past midnight to a queasy feeling in your stomach you shuffled out of bed.  The soft sheets enriched with the scent of juicy pear seductive gardenia and musky vanilla, it was Jungkook’s very own blend. It was home. You vaguely remember falling asleep and Jungkook carrying you to into the apartment before cuddling with you on his bed.

Jungkook didn’t stir as you slid out from under the sheets. He remained still, in his rather eccentric sleeping position -legs crossed under the blankets- it was an adorable quirk that you had grown accustomed to. You had no time to admire the strong maknae as the sick feeling grew a small burn in your chest. 

The walk to the bathroom was hauntingly still and silent, the air of the apartment cool against your feverish skin. The bathroom had a small flickering glow under the door. Pressing the handle down and stepping inside the smell hit you, it was your favourite candle narcissus, patchouli and amber mixed with something horrific like stomach acid.

Bile hit the back of your throat and you slapped your hand over your mouth holding back from throwing up across the bathroom floor. Beside the toilet, leaning against the wall was Jimin moaning in his sleep. Namjoon was lying beside the bathtub, eyes closed and looking gaunt. Both had a glossy sheen of sweat across their brow.  

Rushing across the space you hunched over the toilet, emptying the contents of your stomach. Jimin woke, eyes barely open reaching forward to rub your back. His eyes had a dark shadow underneath which was stretched ominously by the flickering candlelight. 

“Did you have the same meal as us on the flight, we think it wasn’t cooked? Jin Hyung has gone to get some medicine, please hang on a little more. He is waiting for the pharmacy to open.” His voice sounded so rough his throat seemed to be causing him a lot of pain.

You sat opposite Jimin a sad smile blooming on his pale face. Wiping the tears from your eyes, you groaned “don’t look at me I am hideous” “I am marrying you and I vow to love you in sickness and in health” he pulled you forward to lay across the cool tiles, he laid your head on his thigh and you instinctively wrapped your arms around his waist. He patted your head sweetly. 

Falling asleep once more, however, this time in the bathroom. No one stirred until the sun started to rise, your stomach grumbling with an insatiable hunger. Slipping from Jimin’s hold and stepping over Namjoon who was so sick his cheeks flushed like he was blushing. You gently shut the bathroom door, the cool air of the apartment greeting you for a second time this very morning. 

Jin stepped in through the front door dropping his keys, shoes, coat, everything, but the bag of medicine from the pharmacy. He walked past you in a hurry, straight into the bathroom. He was worried about the boys and you found yourself smiling softly at how kind and caring he was. The poor boys were suffering, you felt bad for them, food poisoning was pretty serious stuff. But why did you get sick you had different meals

Making some toast, hoping it could ease your stomach, you opened your presents box from the boys next door. It was filled with snacks from your country. Grabbing your favourite spread and enjoyed your toast happily. Your cold had almost passed your nose still a little sniffly but you felt better. 

Deciding to move the boys to the living room futons you took your time in caring for them. A water bottle and a bucket by their side as you waved the other boys off to work. Assuring them the two would recover quickly with some rest and fluids. 

Setting up the video cameras in front of the kitchen, you were going to make chicken noodle soup, it would just take a while as it has to simmer for a few hours. After putting everything in the pot, you began a time-lapse video aimed at the stove to watch the soup come together and sat down in the sun. 

You were happy it was finally getting warmer, you wanted to work as soon as you could. The sitting around and American burgers made your ass and hips a size bigger. The boys didn’t see this as a problem complimenting you, especially when they took you from behind. 

Yoongi couldn’t stop mentioning it when he finally got to fulfil his dream of placing his glass whiskey on the small of your back. He would scold you if you spilt any, while he pleasured you with his mouth. 

But you guess carrying sickness meant you shouldn’t work just yet, the boys seemed to strengthen by noon, but, you still cuddled the day away. Filming as you continued the chicken noodle soup recipe. It amused you greatly when Hoseok got home and started singing behind you “chicken noodle soup” repeatedly. 

Everyone was feeling better after a bowl of soup that night and you read a few comments together. Your channel and social media accounts had been blowing up since your television appearance. 

Another week passed and whatever sickness it was, passed through the boys a few at a time. You stayed by their side keeping them healthy, trying not to get sick yourself, tying their hair back whilst they vomited. Finally, it was gone along with winter, you grinned getting a call about work and you pulled out your uniform ready to start in the morning. 

Waking up early you excitedly brushed your hair and teeth, slipping into your uniform was a struggle. You felt kind of bloated. With a sigh, you headed to work with the boys wishing them good luck and you got to work. Moon Inshik watched you working and he smiled fondly, he left to run an errand coming back before you were to go on lunch “I remember when my wife first got pregnant” he smiled “she couldn’t stop eating these, she said they helped settle her stomach when she was feeling sick”

You smiled taking them and then frozen, “wait what? Pregnant? I can’t be pregna- oh my god, I am pregnant” mouth falling open in shock.  “I am sorry I thought you knew” he held your hand, “how about we pack up early, today and I can drive you to the doctors for a check-up, then you can find out for sure”

You didn’t realise how much you needed Moon Inshik, he was the only parental figure you had and you were thankful for all his advice and support. He drove you to the clinic and you sat in the waiting room nervously. He held your hand and told you stories of his family when they were young and having kids. 

“I’m sorry I just feel so alone, like my mother should be here holding my hand” you refused to cry, you had shed too many tears already.  “What was your friend's name the one with the baby, I can call him if you would like?” You sniffed blinking your eyes until they dried “please can we?” 

Jiyong arrived as you were called into the room, he took your hand and walked you inside. He spoke to you about everything and anything, keeping you distracted. “I really liked garlic while I was pregnant, drove the boys crazy when I tried to kiss them”

The doctor put a cold gel on your lower tummy and pressed the transducer probe. He wasn’t particularly rough, but you did need a full bladder for the ultrasound and his pushing wasn’t helping, “this is your baby here, you seem to be about eight or nine weeks along and everything looks normal and healthy, I will take a picture to send home. There are always many babies conceived at the end of the year.”

“Would you like to know the father?” “Yes please,” he sent away some amniotic fluid to be tested with the boys recorded DNA.  “You’re having a baby congratulations mummy” Jiyong hugged you, you were shaking lip blubbering, “let it out, sweetheart”

Sobs racked your body as it all sank in you were going to be a mother.  “Finally a friend for my misuk” “We can’t tell anyone until after sixteen weeks” “Of course I won’t say a word” Jiyong smiled

Convincing your boss to let you continue working as long as you never overexert yourself. You all went to lunch, Jiyong said he would make you some stylish maternity clothes, pulling out a sketchbook while you ate. Moon Inshik smiled helping you plan in your book everything you needed to get ready for a baby. 

With a list in your bag, you met Jungkook at his work. He was working with a class, he was looking like a man, gone was the maknae. Glistening in sweat his hair slicked back in a ponytail as he demonstrated and led the workout. 

You sat by the side of the room and Jungkook smiled “ladies gentleman we got a guest present let’s not get slack now” they finished up there lesson and Jungkook took them through their stretches, you sat beside him on the stage and stretched slowly with him, it took some strain off your hips. 

Jungkook introduced you, “say hello to my fiance, she is gorgeous, is she not” Some of the other women married and single seemed to glare at you. After class, everyone was packing up their things and leaving you helped Jungkook pack up the equipment hearing the girls talk, “how can he love someone who is so fat?”

“Actually I am six months pregnant,” you lied smoothly, their eyes widened in shock. “I have gotten big haven’t I, but you can’t have everything can you, I mean I was luckily enough to have no morning sickness, so of course I had to gain weight”

They stormed out muttering how you were a lucky bitch, she had forgotten her bag and you kicked it off to the side. Jungkook had finished packing up and you pounced kissing him on the small stage he worked on. “Jungkook I need you.” 

He moaned and kissed you hungrily, you pulled down his sweats and pushed him to sit down removing your underwear. He kissed you like you were water in the desert. Your sensitive breasts through your work dress were rubbing against his tank clad chest which felt so strong and powerful being so fresh from his workout. His hips thrusting deeply into you his muscular arms holding you firmly.

You were physically holding yourself back from coming, trying to prolong the feeling when over his shoulder, you saw the door open, and a few of the girls walk back in. You were being vocal as always and he was growling how you were his and he didn’t want to share. The friction between you was driving you both crazy each in an unspoken war on who could hold out the longest.  

Your eyes met the three onlookers you were thankful Jungkook hadn’t noticed them of this would be over instantly. He whispered in your ear telling you he wasn’t going to lose. His hips tilted forwards inside you rubbing against your G-spot and A-spot. Your back arched pressing your chest forward. Nuzzling his face between your breasts he moaned. 

“Come on, I can’t hold on anymore,” His voice was a cross between a growl and a whimper, he was begging and commending all in one. his hands were shaking around your waist. You were going to give the three women in the room a triumphant smirk as they left but you came hard around him. 

Walls clenching with a strength you had never felt before, this was so intense and heated you could feel your pulse drumming deep inside you. Jungkook must have feal it too because every beat made his body twitch just a little as his hips occasionally rutted forward in aftershocks.  

Usually, he liked to relax for a few moments afterwards before removing himself from inside you, because he knew how sensitive you were after sex. But he whimpered ripping himself from you his seed spilling out “Your pulse it’s too much”

Strolling back through the streets from Jungkook’s work you spotted Jimin waiting on the corner. He looked up and smiled brightly, you carefully crossed the street and you shared a hug, before walking hand in each boys hand. 

A little further up the street, you spotted Seokjin looking in the window of a high-end Femme store right outside the grand hotel with which he worked. You hugged him and buried your face in his chest.

“You're so cuddly today?” Jimin grinned “did you have a good day at work?”

Lying about your day at work telling them what you had done before going to the clinic. The walk home was too quick and you hadn’t decided whether you were going to reveal the news. You untied your shoes and hung up your coat and bag. Jin who had sat on the step to untie his shoes held out your slippers helping you into them.

Feeling a little thoughtful, you started to imagine how much room a baby could take up. The dining table could fit a highchair, Walking down the hall you poked your head into each bedroom. 

Sneaking down the other hallway you stepped into Namjoon’s office, he was in the middle of a conference call eyes meeting yours questioningly. You gave him an okay sign and looked around. This was an option but you didn’t want to steal his space. Walking back out to the hallway and into the next room. 

Yoongi’s studio was dark and clean despite a few coffee mugs. He was listening to music turning noticing you searching his studio with calculating eyes. He didn’t get a chance to ask as you had already left. and you looked around and frowned leaving. 

You went to the last door in the house and opened it, it was full of boxes. “What are you doing Jagiya?” Jumping out of your skin you clutched your chest. 

“I almost peed myself, why the hell would you sneak up on me” Scolding him only made his smile brighter. He pulled you to his chest apologizing his warm body felt like the sleeping under the sun in spring. “What is this room used for?”

“Storage mostly, we always want to clean it and make a computer room but we all have been too lazy to sort through the stuff” You looked at him and began looking at the boxes each were labelled and with a grin you sent a group text.

[You: I want to clean out the spare room.]

Femme Media 39

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