#like y'all i get she's not for everyone but the people out here stanning Lucy with her 30 seconds of characterization while hating taylor

[deliberatemisspelling]

I'm gonna say something extremely controversial (hi, we've met).

I love Taylor Kelly.

I love her.

I love her unabashed sexuality.

I love her drive for finding the truth (even when she does it wrong, even when it hurts people she loves.)

I love how fiercely she cares about her job.

I love her.

When I did school for a while I was a communications major and I ran 3 school papers and I have worked for an actual honest to God local newspaper and when I did those things I would have MURDERED A MAN for a cohort like Taylor Kelly. Someone who CARES about TELLING THE TRUTH. No matter how ugly or uncomfortable it is.

I have another controversial thing (shocker, I know): 911 is a good show, but it's a Fox procedural and it's copaganda, no matter how diverse the cast is or how liberal the storylines are.

There is a reason why the Journalist/reporter character is written the way Taylor Kelly is. You are supposed to uncritically side with the characters you love when Taylor does something (arguably, in the case of breaking the Jonah story) shady.

The narrative leads the viewer to automatically side with members of the 118, but I'm sorry, on-shift firefighters being high (even through no fault of their own) is a story (yes, ethically using the footage of Bobby would be fucked. That's why her editor said no, and yes, she did learn from that experience. She wanted to, and she wasn't allowed. Buck does that in his job every other episode.)

Taylor is RIGHT when she says the information about Jonah would have gotten out anyway. Oh, the poor woobie fire department wanted to break the story themselves for damage control 🥺🥺🥺. Boo hoo.

In the context we're shown she didn't use any information from the conversation prior in the episode that she, a seasoned reporter, would not have found on her own in half an hour of googling.

She didn't quote anyone. She had a name first, that's it. A name any other reporter would've gotten from land records or a neighbor or any other one of a dozen sources 20 minutes later, once on-scene. Reporters are supposed to break stories. It's their JOB. They aren't supposed to regurgitate press releases from the fire department like it's news.

Uncritically hating Taylor Kelly because shes Wrong For Buck (she is, that's okay) without considering the fact that public institutions that are paid for with tax dollars (like police and fire departments) SHOULD be critically analyzed is lazy, and there's whole other kettle of fish to talk about regarding hatred female characters paired with part of a popular m/m ship. (It used to be called Bashing, and it's so fucking boring y'all omg).

Taylor's arc is crafted to make the journalist, and journalism, and investigative reporting, look shady.

Listen to the voice-over at the end of the blackout episode! It's all about how, now that the blackout is over, the only violence and property damage still occurring is in the autonomous zone. It's not subtle.

The Fourth Estate is IMPORTANT and the current real world state of it is a SHAMBLES. There are serious problems with the state of journalism but there are serious problems with the state of public entities too, and the way characters that are members of the 118 are allowed to make mistakes (you know, like people) while the House is held up as a bastion of perfection while still being part of a problematic institution, but a character like Taylor, because she is a Journalist, is given NO QUARTER, is galling.

A reporter like Taylor Kelly is Worth Her Weight in GOLD. She's got some things to learn but she's young and she's hungry and she CARES.

I love Taylor Kelly.

[5hfanfiction]

Too Close To Home - Chapter 8

“Thank you guys for making this happen, some of y'all have been with me since I was in a group called Fifth Harmony and for that, thank you. Thank you for riding this long ass ride with me. And for you guys who just started becoming a fan, thank you for thinking that I’m worth your time, you guys don’t know how much this means to me. Goodnight everybody, and as always, LOVE ONLY!!!” I shout to the audience for my debut tour in Miami. It’s a sold out show, which I have to admit, it was overwhelming- in the best way possible.

I thought that by starting a solo career, I had to actually start from scratch. I had a lot of harmonizers who turned against me for quitting the group but now that I’m here, it shows how I was actually underestimating my fans’ love. Some of them are actually wearing Fifth Harmony merchandise which I don’t consider it as rude really, I think it’s sweet that they stan both Fifth Harmony and me.

It is now late February of 2018 and I’ve actually released my very first album just a month ago. Now, singing to the 10k audience and them singing along shows just how loyal they are. My input on the songs increased drastically compared to the 7/27, so every song on the album is pretty personal. The fact that they’ve all listened to me and took the time to repeat them until they actually memorize the lyrics means a lot, and they are just a fraction of the whole world.

I head to the back stage, my adrenaline still rushing through my body because of the roaring fans. Compared to the tour with Fifth Harmony, this takes less energy as I didn’t dance to most of the songs. I do still dance thought, I don’t think I’m ready to actually stop, they’re quite addicting.

Ashlee, my current guitarist comes to the dressing room, asking me if I want to go celebrate for a successful start by a fancy dinner with some of the crews, in which I accept gratefully. It’s nice to feel included.

When Lauren and I broke up last two years, I became distant, since Lauren became closer to the crew and the girls. It was some sort of a silent agreement. But I didn’t mind. Instead, I put those extra time to more song writing and practicing playing the guitar with Ashlee. So in a way, Lauren helped me in making my album happen. She was also what inspired me to write, most of the songs I’ve written are about her.

I change my attire to a black dress, getting ready for the dinner. It was laced dress that was custom made just for me, so the dress pretty much hugs me at all the right places - including my butt. It was a late dinner considering we finished at 9 but I like food so I don’t really mind. Besides, I probably lost what I ate before the concert from my excessive sweating.

Ashlee and I rode a different car from the crews as we took more time to dress and reapplying my make up.

The restaurant was fancy, white and cream walls with dim yellow lighting. It was big and it is definitely the place you bring someone to on a date. The walls had expensive and expressive paintings, making it seem a bit pretentious but whatever. It was our very first concert so I think that’s why they kind of went overboard with the location.

I don’t mind but I wouldn’t oppose if it was at a pizza place. This place just means that I have to eat properly. And as much as I want to, I can’t, my uncoordinated hands forbid. I mean, take the picture where my food fell and Lauren laughed at it as an example. That was only one of the many.

As I walk out from the toilet after accidentally pouring my drink to my dress, I came to a halt. From my peripheral vision, I saw Lauren siting at the bar on the middle of the restaurant with Lucy.

This is their hometown and I know Fifth Harmony is on a short break this month, but what are the odds of actually bumping into them in one of the many restaurants in Miami?

I contemplated whether I should announce my presence or not. If I did, it could cause an awkward talk and I’m not the person you go to for those talks. But if I don’t, it would be deemed mean and quite arrogant. Besides, how many times can I actually bump into them? It’s an opportunity I had to take.

The girls and I talk every week now since the AMAs. Dinah has now become a huge part of my life yet again. We would prioritize each other for at least an hour every three days and we would talk about everything. She made time for me and I love her for it. Actually, if she wasn’t so busy with her family today, she would’ve visited me and watch me perform.

Ally and I had actually called each other before I performed a few hours ago. She called me to say goodluck and that she was happy for me. It was a sweet gesture and I was surprised how she was so accepting.

For Normani, it was still a bit awkward but it wasn’t because of jealousy or grudges, it was simply because she was always closer to Lauren than me. Which I’m fine with honestly, at least Lauren still has someone to talk to, just like how I have Dinah.

Lauren and I still haven’t talked alone after the dinner 3 months ago. We talk but it’s usually when I’m skyping with the girls, she would pass by and greet me or some sort. I’m actually better now than last year, every grudge I held against Lauren evaporated as time passed by. Now, I don’t think I would mind if I were to see Lauren and Lucy together. Don’t get me wrong, she’s was my first love so I don’t think I can ever not get some type of reaction but it has gotten better than last year. I feel like once Ashlee actually told me that I still loved Lauren, I became more aware and I’ve been dealing with it. Before that, I think I was just running away from my problems- ironically enough, just like she had. I never dealt with it head-on, I just hid it inside a box at the corner of my mind and just repressed it. I became numb and I got used to it to the fact that I didn’t even realize what I was doing.

That’s why now that I look at them at the bar, I had no feeling of longing or envy. I’m genuinely happy for them, the risk they took to be together was massive and yet, they still took it. I mean, if they were to break up, it could not only kill their relationship but their friendship too. When Lauren and I broke up, we didn’t even talk at all, Lucy’s been friends with Lauren for more than 10 years, so it might hurt more.

I walk towards them and since they haven’t see me, I greeted them with a “boo” from behind that startled the both of them. I laugh at myself because come on, that is funny.

They look at me with wide smiles that actually reach their respective eyes. Lauren was wearing a similar dress like mine, a black one but instead of  crew neck, it was v cut, showing her front asset nicely. Lucy was wearing a white dress that flowed to her foot. Each of them had the same taste in outfits but Lauren likes darker colors - as per usual.

“Hi,” I announce, hugging both of them at the same time as they stood up out of courtesy.

“Hey! What are you doing here?” Lucy asks first, her smile still attached to her face.

“I’m actually celebrating for my first ever concert, what about you guys?” I asks, genuinely curious. This place looks so fancy that I doubt they would actually frequent here.

“Oh, we made a pact to have a fancy ass dinner once in a month. Today is one of the days, Now that we’re adults, we are always busy so this is the only time we both have.”

“Oh damn, I was gonna ask you guys to join us but it looks like you guys have better things to do. I’m not one to disturb a romantic dinner date,” I say.

“Actually, if we could, we would like to join. We were actually waiting for a free table for forever and since it’s a bit late already,” Lucy says, whispering, “Lauren’s fault,” then continuing, “we would actually love to eat here, Im famished.” Lauren just nodded happily, making me laugh at her cute antics. That’s not weird, right?

“Of course, we haven’t actually ordered food yet.”

I walk towards the table with them trailing behind. Luckily, there were two vacant seats beside me so I don’t have to awkwardly ask for 2 chairs and squish together.

They greeted everyone with a hello and a smile and sat down, Lauren beside me and Lucy in front of Lauren. Ashlee was infront of me so the rest of the crew were on the other side.

The waiter came a few minutes later, writing our orders of 8 people. Some of the crew couldn’t come because they were too tired from a long day of working. I couldn’t really blame them, they’re gonna actually bring down everything and put them in the trucks for my next concert two days from now.

The guys talked amongst themselves while Ashlee, Lauren, Lucy and I caught up with each others’ lives. Lucy has a stable modeling career, this is her only break from a demanding job. Lauren has a short break, that’s why she’s back in Miami with her family. Next week, she has to go back to LA to begin recording their new album - one as a four piece group.

I stepped back from the group more than a year ago, but they weren’t really focused on new music after I left. They were more focused on stabilizing everything, like continuing the 7/27 tour in Asia and recording the songs on both Reflection and 7/27 albums, but this time, replacing my vocals equally to the girls.

At least people are happier now that Lauren has more solos. She deserves it.

I didn’t mind it as much anymore. When they performed Work From Home without me, I was a bit sad because well, they’re replacing me.

But as time passed, I realized that it was a bit selfish of me to feel so. It was my choice to leave, why should they hold on to me? The world doesn’t revolve around me, they can do whatever they want.

As I realize that, I got more accepting and I begin feeling happier. The talk I had with Lauren made me realize that I should move on. The talk I had with Lucy made me realize that I shouldn’t hate her based on my biased feelings. Basically, the whole thing that happened last year made me a better person in a really long time, and it was only a few months ago.

I felt like I was quite self-absorbed at first. When I was still in Fifth Harmony, I actually created a song with Shawn that boosted my career. The fans and people begin to look at me as the leader of the group and it was just wrong.

I never wanted that but I didn’t think of the consequences of it. I was just too entranced in making a song I could create myself and it kind of took a toll on the other girls. The group lost its name in a way. We weren’t as united as we were before. People treated me differently than they would at the other girls. People outside the fandom knew my name while they just called the other girls members of Fifth Harmony. It was simply unfair and I didn’t realize it sooner.

The fact that I quit the group was also a bit of a selfish act. I wasn’t thinking of how it might affect the group, I was too busy trying to make a name for myself that I forgot how the others feel. Yes, I told them about it earlier but it was more of a statement than a discussion. I simply told them that I was quitting and I ended at that. They had no say whatsoever, not that I was willing to hear at that time anyway.

I’m glad that they don’t hate me now. Because now that I’m alone for a year now, I’ve come to realize that friendship matters.

I’m still friends with Taylor and her crew, but they were kind of more focused making a name for themselves that we barely have time. Taylor is a really famous singer and the public demands a lot of her time. The other girls simply has either modeling careers or singing careers, so they don’t have time either. It’s so ironic because it was basically what I did back then, I was too busy that I sort of ignored the other girls.

“So, Camila, how was the concert?” Lauren asks, her eyes full of curiosity and some sort of fondness, making my heart swell - not in a romantic way, a friendly way I think.

I start talking about my songs and how the fans reacted to them, how the fans clapping and cheering relaxed any type of anxiety that was building at first, how happy I truly was at the stage.

She knows I was unhappy performing when I was at Fifth Harmony. I lost sleep and any type of energy because I brought everything with me at the tour. It killed me emotionally and mentally and Lauren knew it, even if we broke up. She was also quite unhappy, simply because of the hours they took from us. The amount of dance routine we had to perfect and the amount of vocal practices that only destroyed our voices. That’s why Lauren smokes, it’s some sort of rebellion against the label.

“I’m gonna hit the ladies room for a minute,” Lucy announced after I finished talking, standing up and giving Lauren a peck before walking to the toilet.

“Actually, me too,” Ashlee says, giving me a mischievous wink before walking behind Lucy, leaving Lauren and I in an awkward position.

“So…” I start, not knowing what to say.

“What’s up?”

“Still up for that friend deal?” I say with a shy smile, my hands now twisted together under the table. It’s so weird to say that head on but what else can I say.

“Of course,” she smiles, looking into my eyes with such intensity, “friends.”

“Since we’re friends, I have a question, remember during the AMAs backstage when you wanted to say something but decided not to? What did you want to say?” I ask. It’s been on my mind for quite some time but I shoved it aside since it wasn’t really a priority at that time.

“Oh yeah, didn’t think you’d remember that,” she says, nervously. Unfortunately, the girls came back so Lauren just whispers, “some other time.”

We all talk for a bit more and when the clock struck 11pm, we realized that we stayed a tad bit longer than expected.

I, of course, offered to pay for everyone’s meal since this is a celebration for my tour. The 4 crew members bid their goodbyes and went their way, leaving the two Ls, Ashlee and I outside of the restaurant.

“So, Lauren, when are we gonna be in the same state again?” Ashlee asks.

“I’m not sure, unless you guys have a concert in LA soon, then yeah.”

“Oh actually, we have it during Mimi’s birthday so are you guys going to be there? We could celebrate her birthday with you guys.”

“Hey,” I interrupt, “Im right her you know.”

Lauren ignored me and said, “Yeah, we’re probably gonna be there.”

“Lucy?”

“I have a photo session there on March so I think so,” she states while smiling.

Ashlee looks at me and says, “Alright then, Mila, we’re gonna celebrate you birthday with the girls,” a short break before continuing, “no buts.”

I just nodded, I didn’t mind hanging with them so why not?

After a few minutes of talking, a car passed through, the music blaring through to our ears. What’s special about it was that it was a song I indirectly sang to Lauren last year - Say You Won’t Let Go.

I watch Lauren’s reaction. She was looking down and staring down, making me know that she’s now in deep thoughts.

…

“Camila, what song do you wanna cover for our BBC Live Lounge?” Kelly ask while getting ready.

We have about 5 hours to think and rehearse our songs and we don’t even know what to perform. But BBC Live Lounge is always like that, they ask you to perform one of your songs and cover another.

I think back to the songs I’ve listened to the past week, deciding that Run Up by Major Lazer is quite hard to cover.

I kind of want a song that’s quite personal and touching. But I can’t perform the songs I’ve written yet, it’s not possible.

I look through my music on my phone and came across one of the songs I’ve been literally obsessed, Say You Won’t Let Go by James Arthur.

It was a really sweet song and it reminds me of Lauren a lot, so I can’t help but choose this one. It was released back in September and the first time I heard it, I got emotional.

Lauren and I weren’t to together at that time but I’ve listened to it, hoping she wouldn’t let go of what we had. It was like a hope song. It was before I knew she was with Lucy. Now I just feel dumb for thinking about it.

“How about this?” I show my phone to Kelly.

“I don’t mind, but I’m a rapper, I can’t exactly sing,” he says sheepishly. I’ve actually grown fond of him and he’s pretty cool to hang with.

“Why don’t we change the second verse to a rap verse? You’re great at making lyrics on the spot. We have 5 hours to kill anyway, I’ll help.”

Since I’ve listened to this song a million times already, I don’t really need to memorize the lyrics. 

We both decided on his verse together for about 2 hours, completely content with what we’ve done at the end.

Next was the music, it was basic at some parts but a bit upbeat towards the end. Since the band were professionals, it wasn’t as hard to direct how the music should go.

This is seriously gonna hit Lauren hard. I’m sure she knows this song about her because seriously, how subtle can I be? I’m also wearing a pants that has a rose on it. A simple yet clear way of showing this is for her. On top of that, I just posted a picture of the roses on instagram saying, “For you… 🌹”

But it’s subtle enough because my fans might think it’s for them. So yeah, go me.

As we sang through the song, I got emotional yet again and pretty much closed my eyes the whole time, knowing that if I open them, they could see my eyes pouring down. My voice sounded raw and if you listen to it properly, you could hear how my voice is breaking, making it obvious that I’m crying a bit.

This is what I know for sure, if Lauren hasn’t let it go, I won’t.

But unfortunately, a few days later, Lauren had announced her engagement with Lucy, crushing any type of hope I have, embarrassing me for what I’ve said passively to her.

What killed me more was that I heard that Lauren was the one who proposed.