#like. even if it's not necessarily my depression. I don't think it's my allergies

[karofsky]

I've been thinking about the very real possibility of Laszlo finding a cure a lot lately, and just generally how much I'd love to see the gang as humans-- not necessarily permanently or endgame, but just... for a little bit.

Like, they've all been in such ruts, probably much, much longer than we've known them, but certainly more now that they've all grown so close to Guillermo. And with Guillermo, and his purpose being to bring a sense of humanity back to everyone, it really would do them all well to experience life again, just to put their current (good!) lives into a better perspective.

Nandor grew up in war, Nadja grew up in poverty, and Laszlo grew up literally never smiling. They deserve to experience real humanity again now that they're allowed to have peace and love in their lives. Laszlo experiencing sunlight for the first time was moving enough, so just imagine how much older vamps like Nadja and especially Nandor would bask in it. They could all eat food they've never dreamed of, go places they've never been without worrying, meet people they never would have met. For the first time in hundreds of years they don't have to shut their brain off and take a life to feed. And doing it all together, as a fucked up little polycule family, for the first time ever.

And like, being human sucks, and they can lean into that a lot! Even Guillermo just being there means he's basically got a bunch of toddlers on leashes making sure they don't run into traffic. But those issues can just be... so funny. Just simple goofy Human Things that shouldn't be funny but are funny because we've never SEEN these characters in these situations. Who doesn't want to see theme at a theme park, or starting a bar fight because they're all assholes, or someone learning they have food allergies, or just simply the running gag of Laszlo hopping in place while trying to BAT! and forgetting that he just can't do that.

Then at the end of the day, hey, surprise, they all want to be vampires! Because being a vampire is cool when you're not like, horribly depressed or don't see the joys of life or don't know what you want to do with your time. They literally all could just use a good metaphorical Lay On The Floor to embrace it all.

Also it's like... maybe one or two of them DO end up do having mixed feelings. Imagine what would happen if only one half of Ladja decided they wanted to stay a human? Or if they wanted to enough for them to try to have a child they didn't know they wanted? Or maybe The Guide gets wrapped into this and she's like, I fell in love with this human, I didn't get to have a life in the past, I don't even REMEMBER my life in the past, I think maybe this would be way more fun. Or in the same vein, Colin now KNOWS he is stuck in this vicious cycle, and maybe he doesn't want to keep at it? He doesn't like not remembering, and he certainly doesn't like having to put others through it all, and he maybe there's something that means he can't just be a Normal Vampire so he just ends up having to decide if he wants to go back to that.

And then like... the Nandor of it all. Arguably the most tragic of them, given his past and his present and now his future. While it's undeniable that Guillermo's arc SHOULD end with him turning (and turning the right way for the right reasons), right now it's like... that's it for Nandor. Nandor did so much in that finale, including killing another vampire, JUST to be able to offer what he can never have to the one person in hundreds of years that he really has ever connected with on this level. And now that person has an official time limit, and he has to deal with that, and it's just... he deserves to get what he wants as much as everyone else, and what he's wanted for the entire show is someone who understands and accepts and loves him. And while there's a very real and relatable feeling of him having to accept that "everything good ends"... why not let him decide he would rather it end together. Nandor giving up immortality just to live out a full real life with Guillermo is the most romantic shit they could do. Full Iris by Goo Goo Dolls moment. They'd be equals, and neither of them would carry the guilt of living the other's dreams in front of them, and they'd no longer be living with that danger that's hung over them.

And again, like... they should all end up vampires. That's fucking rad and they are just so special and are people who WANT to do (an albeit untraditional) good and enjoy life to the fullest. But damn, if a dynamic and perspective change for them all wouldn't open up a whole realm of possibilities for both the show's comedy and their deeper character growth.

[90363462]

What?! Only 35 Percent Of Men Go Down? Say It Ain’t So.

Seven guys weigh in on whether that's facts or nah. 

Shellie R. Warren

Sep. 30, 2019 05:39PM EST

Songs are amazin', man. While I was reading an article on Cosmo's site—one that we are gonna get all up into in just a second—it's crazy what came to mind. OK, so here's my music trivia question for the day. How many of y'all remember Novel from back in the day? If you don't, let me trigger your memory a bit. Here's the chorus to his song, "Peach":

I can eat a peach for hours Especially when it's sweet not sour I love it when it's juicy; it's doin' something to me I can eat a peach for hours Maybe we can talk for hours Maybe take a raindrop shower You can be my queen; I can be yo' king I can eat a peach for hours

I don't know. Chalk it up to being a really lucky gal, I guess, but back in my sexually-active days, these were the kind of men I knew; not figuratively. Personally. Also, most of the sex I had was in my 20s with men who are also in their 20s. That's why it kinda threw me off when,according to a survey that was conducted by the condom manufacturer Skyn—brace yourselves now—only 35 percent of heterosexual millennial men perform oral sex. Then, to add further insult to injury, according to an exclusive poll that was conducted by Skyn and Cosmo, "Fourteen percent of 18 to 22-year-olds said they 'don't think it's necessary.' And nearly 50 percent of 18 to 27-year-olds are more comfortable having sex than they are giving oral (compared to 32 percent of 28 to 32-year-olds)." What in the world is goin' on?

I read all of Cosmo's article and it had some good content in it. But whenever I hear stuff like this, the natural journalist—and Black woman; not necessarily in that order—in me usually likes to do my own investigating.

Why Men Literally NEED to Have Oral Sex

First, the technical stuff. Going down can trigger the production of oxytocin and DHEA in both partners; this can protect them from heart disease and while calming them down so that they can get a good night's rest. I've been knowing for a while now that vaginal fluid is the ultimate probiotic because it contains between 100,000 to 100 million Lactobacillus cells (depending on the woman). This is a good thing because probiotics are what support our digestive tract. Probiotics also build up our immune system, can help us to lose belly fat, decreases allergy and eczema-related symptoms and can even reduce depression, stress and anxiety. So, strictly from a health standpoint, 65 percent of men are truly missing out when they don't "eat the peach".

Then there's a strong relational point. According toscientific research, a woman is less likely to cheat if her man is a cunnilingus partaker (I feel led to add here, a "good cunnilingus partaker". It's one thing to do it; it's another matter entirely to do it well).

Oh, and for any guy who may be reading this, doesn't do "it" and says that a woman is shallow if not getting oral is what will make her step out, to that, I say this—on the surface, you would be correct, sir. But look deeper. First, how would you feel if your partner (especially if you happen to be in a serious relationship) didn't want to go down on you? And secondly, I don't think that not being on the oral sex receiving end is so much the issue as the selfishness—and, from where I'm sitting, immaturity—is.

Just recently, I wrote about sexual deal-breakers. And, you know what? When it comes to this particular sexual issue, if you and your partner start off the relationship with the understanding that oral sex is not your thing—either of y'all's thing—while that personally baffles me (LOL), I respect that. To each their own. But if you're out here thinking that fellatio should be a given, but cunnilingus isn't on the table—or, as the guys in the poll put it "isn't necessary"—that's a whole and entire problem. You not being an oral sex reciprocator means that you care more about your pleasure than your partner's. And that, dear sir, is what could possibly cause a woman to cheat. Hey, I'm not saying it's right. I'm just saying I can very easily connect the dots on that.

Still, I'm not gonna be out here patronizing the fellas by assuming that at least some of them are aware of the information I just shared. Especially since I do happen to know a few guys who feel like since they are "packin'", their woman is fully satisfied without cunnilingus (uh, they might want to ask her). That's why, aside from what I just shared, I decided to ask some guys in my world what they thought about the study. The names are changed (because you can be private and freaky, right?) but their responses are verbatim.

Do Guys Like Going Down on Women? 7 Men Have the Answer

*The names have been changed for anonymity

*Perry (35, Married)

"It doesn't surprise me that guys in their 20s and early 30s struggle with giving oral sex. There are so many dumb decisions that are made during that time, including not really getting to know our sexual partners. For a lot of young men, it's not even about fully experiencing sex. They're just out here trying to get a nut. It wasn't until I really started to feel for a woman that I wanted to see all that sex had to offer. I will say this to the guy bucks—you don't know what you're missin'. There is nothing like pleasing a woman. You realize you never really know pleasure until you do."

*Maxwell (24, Single)

"35 percent? That's hilarious, man. I don't know if this is a good or bad thing, but I was out here, 'peach eatin' as you call it, before I even got head for the first time. If I'm gonna be really real about it, I did that before I had sex. Maybe it was all of the porn I saw. Maybe because the first girl I did that to had never experienced it before. I've never really thought about it. I just know one time was all I needed. A brotha is definitely hooked!"

*Damon (40, Engaged)

"I'll be real with you. A lot of us perform oral sex on a trial-by-trial basis. Some women we're into enough to do it and some we're not. Some ladies might be upset but, some have the right hygiene, some don't. Some landscape in a way that's appealing, some don't. Some, we don't even see as someone we want to get that close to or with. I think the number is higher than 35. I just think that 35 may be the amount of men who do it all of the time. A lot of us are way pickier."

*Allen (29, Single)

"I know we've got a lot going on when we ejaculate, but unless a woman has been with a woman in that way, they don't get that they have a lot going on down there too. Some of us just need to ease into all of that. My first time story is I always thought I would never go down on a girl. But one time, the head that I got was so f—kin' good that I was like, 'I'm a punk ass nigga if I don't try and make her feel the same way.' I haven't looked back since. Damn, where's her phone number?"

*Keith (32, Single)

"I think that if a man likes to kiss, he likes to kiss everywhere. That's all I got to say about it."

*Rashad (45, Married)

"Don't let these lames fool you. If a guy doesn't go down, it's more about him than you. On the emotional tip, it's a vulnerable act. We've got a lot of ego too, so it's scary to think that we might do it and our partner won't be pleased. A lot of men try and project that not going down is about the woman, but it's all about him. Don't @ me on that."

*Shawn (30, Single)

"I don't think you can fully know a woman until you have consumed ever part; her p—y included. I don't just mean the woman you're with at the time. I mean, you have a lot to learn about all women until you do. The smell. The sounds that she makes. The way she touches you when it happens. Even the way that she cums—it's all just…different. It's like she's letting you in on a side to her that is classified information. That alone makes it a hell of a turn on. Hell, addicting. Men do it. Men like it. Those who don't should categorize themselves with the rest of us."

Welp. There you have it. It's not like I didn't try and find "one of the 35 percent". Thankfully, the men I know find oral sex—whether they are giving or receiving it—to be very, very necessary. Not to "cunnilingus shame" those who don't but, maybe this lil' write-up will at least give you something else/more to think about.

After all, in the wise words of some man who I'm sure goes down on a regular basis—"Don't knock it until you've tried it." Peach-eatin' will richly bless you in more ways than one. If you don't believe me, read this all over again. And again...and again (while listening to Novel to totally gas you up!).

Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:

Who Knew Oral Sex Has An Official Time Limit?

Are You Ready To Amp Up Your Oral Sex Game? Try This.

Oral Fixation: 6 Ladies Share Their Best Oral Sex Tips and Tricks

Jill Scott Is Proof That Oral Sex Can Be Empowering

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[liebelesbe]

just now connected that my "I'm tired all the time"-thing might not be a symptom of my allergies but of my depression 🤔