#but my tiredness stays the same whether I take meds or not...

[liebelesbe]

just now connected that my "I'm tired all the time"-thing might not be a symptom of my allergies but of my depression 🤔

[one-real-imonkey]

Mhmmmmmmm, prompts you say? How about......the commander batch end up in the past with the TM except they were all doing something (one was sleeping, the other was unconscious, one was doing reports, one in the middle of a battle, heck, if you include Fox he could have been having a 'meeting (free interpretation) with Palpatine! Maybe the end up as teenagers! Who knows!

In strike bc I haven't seen you write a lot about clones sooooo....yeah, feel fre to ignore this!

Oh the clones my boys!!!!!!

They deserve love and affection and absolutely I’ll write for them. I’m rubbing my hands together and cackling like a super villain. 

They’re all their natural ages, as if they bandy been aged in advance.

———

They’d shown up a mile out from Jasters camp, discovered by a patrol.

Six boys, young boys, some armed, some injured, all almost identical to his ad.

Five of them were, if he had to guess, quintuplets, about 13, while the youngest looked about two or three years younger than them, his Jango’s age.

They were brought to the med tent, and Jaster called at the same time. He met them at the edge of the camp, let the little ones introduce themselves as they walked towards the tent.

Cody, the first introduced himself as, and Jaster noted the scar curling down the side of his face. Then Wolffe who was missing an eye, Ponds who was both bald and injured, Bly with yellow facial tattoos and Fox, who had no definable features Jaster could tell, but more hunched shoulders and bags under his eyes. And the youngest, Rex, with shaved blond hair.

They were not normal ade. The way they walked, watched each other’s sixes, the way their eyes scanned every inch of every room and how Rex’ika was kept to the middle of their group as they were escorted to the med tent. They moved like experienced soldiers, not a group of scared ade.

He stays to the side as they’re checked over, and though they’re obviously not sure where they are or whether to trust Jaster, they clearly want answers, and to compare notes.

“It has to be Force nonsense,” one of them, Wolffe, was saying, “how else could we have travelled so far in the blink of an eye. I’ll admit, it was a shock to go from a firefight to suddenly being alone with you all.”

“A blink of your eye,” Ponds threw back while the baar’ur bandaged his head wound, “I was unconscious and only woke up because you were yelling.”

“I nearly shot Wolffe, I’d been in a fight too.” It was concerning that Bly and Wolffe had both been in firefights, firefights, they were ade!

“Rex was asleep.” Cody chipped in, smirking slightly at the embarrassed and annoyed look that flashed across his vod’ikas face.

“Hey, I'd been awake for over a day, and so had you, so you're the one the medics would be angry at. He was doing his reports, because everyone would simply die if he waited until the morning.”

The baar’ur laughed softly, partly for the teasing and partly to lighten the mood with such awful things being insinuated by their comments, and gestured Jaster over, signalling that they were pretty much done, except for Fox’ika, who’s eyes they were checking having noticed his clear headache.

“It’s fine, baar’ur, you don’t need to worry about my headache.”

“Ad...”

“Nyac. It almost always comes after meetings with our... with our boss, it’s just stress and tiredness, I'm fine.”

Those words were oh so concerning coming from such a small child, and he could see the same concern not only on the face of his baar’ur, but also Fox’ika’s vode. He doubted boss was the right word for the person this ad’ika had been meeting. Not with the comments they’d been making, the way they stood and sat and walked.

Still, the baar’ur backed off.

“So, ade, now that you’ve been treated, I think we need to talk.”

“Yeah.” Cody, Jaster was starting to think he was their leader. “We should. Like why you keep looking at Rex.”

Had he been? The ad looked so similar to Jango, really, it was just the hair. Still, they all looked so very concerned to have any focus on their vod’ika, and he needed to be careful about that. The last thing he wanted to do was upset or scare them.

“To start with, it’s good to meet you all, my name is Jaster Mereel...”

The tent flaps opened and as if summoned his ad’ika slipped in,

“And this is my ad, Jango Fett.”

There was a second of silence, then a flurry of hand signs, before stressed little Fox swore, colourfully.

“Language!”

In another situation he might have slapped a hand over his mouth in shock of what he’d just said. He hadn’t meant to say it, but they all looked and sounded so similar to his ad, it had just slipped out.

And now they were all staring at him incredulously.

Jango looked half way between astonished at the language and annoyingly like he planned on using it.

He could imagine the ribbing he was going to get, how that conversation would go. 

‘So Jaster how was your day.’ 

‘Oh fine,’ he’d reply, ‘ except that a bunch of stressed and battle worn ade appearing from thin air who look identical to my ad who taught him a whole new library of swears to use.’

He wasn’t too surprised that seeing Jango had shaken something in them, but their story soon slipped out. Time travel, war, messed up ageing. Children sent into war, whether they were physically adults or not, it was horrific, and more so when you could see them like this.

Now they were their real ages, the ages they would be without the enhanced ageing. 

They were warriors and soldiers who’d seen the most brutal of war and death, and they were ade who deserved love and affection and so many other things they’d so clearly received from each other and none others as they’d grown up too fast.

These ade had been raised by demagolka and monsters, and his Jan’ika had been a part of it. Not intentionally, one of them had said, at least, they didn’t think so. Most of them had never even met him, and the one who had, Cody, claimed it had only been once. It was not a path he planned on letting his ad walk again, willingly or not.

It was no burden to adopt them, to claim them as his own and swear he’d give them a better childhood than they’d had. The biggest argument was over combat, because they were soldiers, and they wanted to fight, but Ka’ra they were so young. The quintuplets, they were only just 13, and when they were a little more adjusted and settled, they could start taking small missions, with adults and supervision. Rex’ika would have to wait, he was just too small. He and Jango could start at the same time, not before.

He would have been Demagolka to decide otherwise.

No child should look so grateful to be told they were wanted, that they had a home and loving aliit. No ad should look so disbelieving. 

Jango looked over the moon to have new vode, as Jaster had predicted, worming his way into their little group and cuddling in. It was cute, and clearly none of them were capable of denying a vod’ika, even if he wasn’t one of the ones they knew.

Jaster isn’t surprised by the way Jan’ika looks at Rex, not only could they be twins, but Rex has the hair he knows Arla had, and though wary and watchful of both Jango and the rest of the tent, and likely anything they could hear happening outside of it, they were happy to hold Jan’ika too.

Jaster’s aliit had just grown larger, but he couldn’t complain. It would be a journey and a challenge, their horrific pasts creating problems he likely couldn’t even foresee yet, but he couldn’t regret it.

And he knew they’d be adored and protected by his people too.

———

Thanks for promoting, I loved it. They all deserve better. I wanted to add something where they saw Jango and assumed he was another Vod who’d traveled, maybe part of Rex’s old batch before they were decommissioned and his moved to their group, but I couldn’t fit it in. But this worked well too.

Also absolutely Palpabastard was messing with Fox.

Thanks for reading.

Inbox still open, prompts or headcanons or asks. (-:

[erekiosuncreativeideas]

The Part-Time Puppeteer - Chapter 06

<= Chapter 5

Summary : Lukas gets to have a heart-to-heart discussion with an absolute asshole. Also available on AO3 : https://archiveofourown.org/works/23828971/chapters/81015496

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AAAAH I'M SORRY FOR THE TWO MONTHS HIATUS I HAD A WRITER BLOCK---

Anyway uuuh, new chapter, I have no idea if it's good or not but still, here it is. I did my best to offer you a longer chapter as a compensation, it's twice the length of the last one.

Happy reading ! Thank you for waiting all this time.

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Chapter 6 - “Oh. It’s you.”

The rest of the day had been… Quite blurry for the student. After coming back home, he had sat down at his desk, staring into space for… Minutes, hours, he hadn’t been able to tell. It was an understatement to say that he was in shock after what had happened. Even after everything, his mind couldn’t help but think this was just a joke, or that he had imagined the whole thing. But the script in his bag was a proof of the contrary. For a good while, the young man hadn’t found the courage to look back at it, as if it were some sort of cursed object, haunting him. But then, the Conductor’s words came back to him: “learn your text by tomorrow”. An order, a clear one, coming from one of his bosses. The student shivered as he remembered, soon bringing his hands to his face, massaging his closed, tired eyes. Oh, boy, why did he always get in that kind of situation… Even when he was a kid, he would often get dragged in things like this. He had thought this would get better as he grew up, but noooo, of fucking course it wouldn’t. Lukas let out a loud, long, exaggerated sigh, and stood up. He walked to his sofa bed all while dragging his feet and, once he was in front of it, it was like what was left of his energy left him. What a day . With another sigh, the student felt his body fall forward, and it wasn’t long before his face hit one of his pillows. Air was forced out of his lungs by the impact, though he did nothing but grunt in the fabric. Him? An actor? This couldn’t be right, this just… It wasn’t right. Sure, MJ was a jerk, but he still had the skills and the experience! In comparison, Lukas was just a law student- not a bad one, mind you, which only made it even more surprising to see him getting the role. It wasn’t like he had chosen the wrong scholar path, no, on the contrary, he was skilled in his major. But apparently, his bosses had seen something else deep inside that walking shell of anxiety… -“Uuuuugh...” his voice was low and tired. For a moment, he thought he was almost going to fall asleep like this, still wearing his clothes, but he reluctantly sat down. With a look full of weariness and unwillingness, the student’s attention went back to his bag, in which the script was. He didn’t want to learn the lines, and a single glance at his desk full of homework was a good way to understand why. But it seemed like his paycheck was now depending on it, as much as he would have preferred to remain a stagehand… -“Guess I don’t have a choice…” he mumbled, before moving his foot to reach for the bag, making it slide towards him, so he could open it. He supposed that he would be able to scribble down the answers to his homework during his lunch break… Or, at least, he hoped. And so, the young man spent the next two hours learning his lines, saying them out loud, so he could remember them. A good thing about his brain was that it learned pretty well from words and sounds. Thus, by saying them out loud, Lukas was pretty efficient in remembering them. Plus, truth to be told, those lines weren’t exactly as hard to learn as his law books… Not that it was a bad thing, far from it. At least, it made his job far easier. However, he wasn’t going to lie, there were a few parts that were harder to remember. Once he was done, the student hesitated on whether he should go to sleep (the reasonable option) or try to get some of his homework done. Sure, he was pretty tired, and the day had been filled by a lot of diverse emotions… But part of him knew he just wouldn’t be able to fall asleep knowing what awaited him the day after. He had always been very anxious, this was a secret to no one, and especially not himself… However, this whole thing was very new, and it made it all worse. And so… The student ended up staying up late until three in the morning, managing to get most of his homework done. One of the perks of being good at a subject was being fast. Of course, this would have given him much better results if he had worked on it seriously, without all the tiredness and all, but the context wasn’t really allowing him that.

Thus, Lukas packed up his college stuff for the next day and soon went to sleep for one very short night. Oh, well, not his first, far from it. Thankfully, he had a few sleeping meds he had kept from an old treatment, allowing him to fall asleep rather quick. However, this always came at a price- they made waking up a much more difficult moment, as his body was still very much under the influence of the medicine when that happened. And the next morning… Was no exception, especially since he only got to sleep for less than three hours. Fighting the urge to go back to sleep, Lukas managed to get up and prepare himself for college. New clothes, brushing his hair and teeth… It only took him a moment until he was ready to leave his small apartment. Oh, his face, however… It looked like it belonged to a rotten corpse, who had just come back to life… Somewhat. The trip to college was pretty ordinary, and so was his morning and afternoon, actually. He gave his teachers all the papers that were due, he aced one of his oral presentation despite looking like a dead man… No, really, this day was going well, which was surprising considering he was mostly surviving thanks to coffee and to the fear of collapsing in public. Yeah, no, he didn’t want any attention on him… Which was a funny thing to think about, because this was exactly what he was going to get with his new job! Once his classes were over, Lukas took the bus to his workplace, dread settling on his shoulders, heavier and heavier as the minutes passed. Oh, he didn’t want to get that role… Of course, he could tell his bosses, but there was a small part of him, deep down, that was curious about where this would lead him. Now, obviously, being a stagehand was a pretty classic job, one without risks… But this? While he was terrified of screwing up, especially since people would be looking at him… Yeah, there was something that prevented him from refusing this promotion. And, also, if that could piss MJ off, then it was a good bonus. The studio reception was calm compared to the day before and, for a moment, just a small moment, the student thought his shift was going to be nice. But ooh, no, he couldn’t have nice things- the moment he opened the door leading to the staff areas, he winced as many voices echoed around him. They were coming from all directions, through walls, doors too! It was a large cacophony in there, and people were running around, carrying stuff and bringing props for each shooting. Actions movies, dramas, comedies… Each type had its own part of the studio, but there was this central room linking them all together and, oh, this place was just a battlefield. Moving fast through the agitated crowd, Lukas tried to reach his accredited part of the studio- the children shows shootings. Avoiding props almost falling on his feet accidentally, sneaking between people carrying hot coffee, and bending down to avoid planks being carried around… He bumped into someone just before he got to open the door leading to his area. -“Oh, I- I’m sorry,” he stammered, quickly moving back, so he could apologize properly to the person he had bumped into. However, his eyes widened when he recognized the figure in front of him. Mike! The good twin. For a second, the latter’s face had alarmed him, as he thought he had bumped into MJ instead… But thankfully, while having the same face, the two brothers had very different hairstyles and fashion choices. The student let out a sigh- phew, he wasn’t sure he would have been ready for MJ’s bullshit right at the beginning of his shift. -“Oh, hey!” Mike seemed almost as surprised as he was, though his expression quickly changed to a warm, welcoming one: “Good to see you again- oh, wait, let’s, uh… Get inside,” he then mumbled, opening the door quickly so they both could leave the absolute war zone they were in. Lukas didn’t lose any time and followed the other like a shadow would, only getting the opportunity to sigh in relief as they found themselves in a much quieter place. Kinda ironic that the children shows part of the

studio was calmer than the staff hall... -“Hey,” he finally replied, now that the “battlefield” was behind them: “It’s good to see you too,” he answered trustfully, with a smile. He hadn’t seen the other since MJ’s outburst the day before, and getting the chance to meet him again was a good way of making Lukas’ day a little better and… Less chaotic. -“How are you?” he then asked, deciding to take a moment for a conversation with his only friend in the studio so far. Plus, he was… Worried. With what had happened the day before, and how MJ had thrown Mike’s puppet on the floor like it was nothing, he wanted to make sure everything was okay. -“Oh, I’m… Doing fine,” the other looked away with an awkward smile, which was an obvious sign that things had definitely happened yesterday. With how furious the actor had been when leaving the shooting, Lukas could very well imagine the latter taking his frustration on his brother. What an asshole. But, it was family business, and he couldn’t say anything about it, as a stranger. -“What about you?” Mike added quickly, visibly determined on changing the topic: “I heard you got the role, yesterday. Congrats!” The praise took the student by surprise, and he felt his cheeks reddening from the embarrassment. Oh, man, this was new, yeah… He wasn’t used to that kind of thing. His stance tensed up, and a sheepish smile took place on his lips. -“Oh, uh… Thanks,” he blurted out, and it was his turn to look away: “It’s… Really weird, I guess I’m just… Feeling a bit shocked, you know?” he turned his head back to his new friend and a nervous giggle escaped him. He was fidgeting, not really knowing how to respond to that. -“Ah, yeah, it’s your first time,” Mike nodded, remembering that Lukas had first been hired as a stagehand, not as an actor: “Don’t worry, children shows are the perfect way to start as a beginner. You know, with the public being less critical and all… I’m sure you’ll get used to it in no time.” The puppet maker was kind, trying to reassure Lukas and ease his anxiety. Too bad that his stage fight was skyrocketing since the moment he had stepped in the building again… Another nervous giggle left his lips, and he started to rub his arm, not knowing what to do with his hands. -“I suppose so…” he muttered, still smiling, though it looked less genuine: “It’s just that… I mean… Why me? I’m just a guy who wanted a part-time job. I’m not an actor, I don’t have any experience…” -“Well, from what I’ve heard, you were pretty good yesterday- oh, speaking about that…” Mike’s face darkened, as if he had just remember to mention something unpleasant: “I think you should… Avoid MJ, as much as you can, from now on. My brother, he’s… He didn’t take it well, I’m not gonna lie, and… I mean, you saw how he is with people, he’s not the best at being with others. Now, with what happened yesterday, I don’t think he’ll make your life any easier.” The student grimaced as he listened to his friend. Yeah… Yeah, he had seen that coming. With how livid MJ had been when leaving the set, it wasn’t surprising that the latter was going to make his shifts hell. God, he really hoped he would manage to avoid that jerk… -“Yeah, I… Kinda expected that,” he admitted, tilting his head to the side with a wince: “But, uh… Since he’s not part of the team anymore, I shouldn’t run too much into him… Right?” -“I wish I’d say yes, but…” Mike answered, his face showing conflict: “He has some other roles in the studio, and he might come see me now and then, so… Yeah. Be careful and do your best to avoid him. He’s not… The best person to be around when he’s like this.” “Oh, you mean all the time, then?” Lukas thought to himself, but kept his mouth shut. Not the best thing to say out loud, especially when it came to said person’s twin. Still, he couldn’t help but wonder why Mike was making so many efforts for someone that clearly didn’t deserve them… But, then again, he was a stranger, it wasn’t his place to say anything. -“Will do,” he assured his friend, before looking at his watch and- oh, shit, he was going to

be late. Apparently, it must have been visible from his expression, because the puppet maker let out a soft giggle: -“Oh, yeah, it’s time,” he looked up, as if he were trying to remember something: “Last time I saw the Conductor and DJ Grooves, they were in the conference room with some investors. You should go practice in the meantime… My workshop is open, if you want,” he offered with a shrug: “It’s a small room, but I’m normally the only one there, so if you wanna have some quiet, alone time to rehearse, well… I need to help the stagehands for some set repairs, so I won’t bother you.” The offer was a really nice attention, another one that did help to make Lukas’ day a little better. Considering his promotion, he wasn’t sure if he was supposed to help the other stagehands while waiting for his bosses, but… Well, practicing really wouldn’t hurt, especially considering how short his night had been. -“Thanks, I really appreciate it,” he gave Mike a warm smile, before pointing to a door on the other side of the room: “It’s this one, right?” he asked for confirmation. -“Yep, that’s the one! Just, uh… Please don’t touch anything, most of the puppets and costumes aren’t done, so they’re quite fragile.” Lukas assured him he wouldn’t, and even then, he didn’t have any reason to. At least, contrary to his friend’s twin, he knew how to respect someone’s work… And with that, the two waved to one another, before heading to opposite directions. The student walked to the door with a quick pace, wanting to get as much time as possible to practice. When he opened it, he was surprised to see that, yeah, the room was pretty small indeed, even smaller than what he had imagined. The place was full of puppets hanging from the ceiling, and the walls were covered in eccentric and colorful clothes. It was almost eye straining! Two out of the four corners of the rooms were used to stock supplies and different types of fabric, making the room even smaller than it originally was. Then, hidden in the third corner was a desk with a sewing machine on top of it. It looked like an old but durable one, the kind that would last years even if it was out-of-date. Other than that, the desk was full of smaller supplies, like needles, sewing threads, pens, pieces of paper, templates… It was like this room had no free space other than the center of it. Well, Lukas supposed this is where he would rehearse, then. Not like there were many other option… The young man closed the door behind him and made a few steps, his eyes looking all around him. He didn’t think it was possible to fit so many things in a single room, but, hey, he was wrong! He then shook his head- it was time to work. After clearing his throat, the student opened his bag and took the script out, flipping the pages up to the parts he had the most trouble remembering. Oh, jeez, he really was doing this, wasn’t he? This was so weird… But whatever paid his bills and his studies, he guessed. And so… He got to work. It was a lot easier to practice when there was no one around. No one to judge him, no one to mock him when he fucked up… Yeah, it made it all easier. Sure, he didn’t have any experience in it, but at least he had to admit it was pretty fun. Nonetheless, he still had no idea why the two directors chose him over an experienced actor like MJ… Like, of course he had noticed the latter was a huge asshole, but other than that, his acting skills were obvious. Maybe he was being used to give MJ a lesson…? This seemed like the most probable explanation. After all, MJ’s presence in the casting was supposed to bring attention to the show… And now, one of the most important roles had been given to a nobody instead. It didn’t seem like a good idea, marketing-wise. Law was his specialty, but that didn’t mean he was stupid when it came to other things. Lukas couldn’t believe he had been chosen for his “talents”, because he had none on that field. After a moment, he paused his practice, shutting his eyes and letting out an exaggerated sigh. Shit, this was distracting him. He couldn’t focus

on his lines. His acting skills, if he had any, were affected by it. It was like something was entering his mind from one side only to disappear through another. Memorizing the words was harder than he had thought it would be the day before, and he couldn’t help but grunt in frustration. Fuck, he knew he was able to remember those lines, he had learned much more complex texts before! This script was simple, so the young man put the blame on his short night of sleep. Furthermore, it was hard to memorize something only by starting the day before… He was about to start again when he heard the door opening behind him, cutting him short. The student turned to the direction of the noise, expecting to see Mike’s face and… Well, in a way, he kinda did. Except it wasn’t Mike. It was MJ, the evil twin. “Oh, fuck me,” he thought, paling up. For fuck’s sake, right after Mike told him to avoid his brother! Was it a joke or something?! Before he even got the chance to speak, MJ’s expression changed from a neutral one to one of utter disgust. Yeah, clearly, the other had expected to see his twin, but… Nope, Lukas had been the one in the room. “Lesson learned, never going back in that workshop alone,” the student told himself, though it was way too late to do anything about it. -“Oh. It’s you,” the actor spat, this time not trying to keep his nice mask on like he had been when they had met the day before: “The fuck are you doing here?” The celebrity’s eyes were glaring at him, all while examining him from top to bottom. It was… Very unpleasant, to be stared at this way. And being talked to like that? Yeah, no, Lukas was perhaps a shy person, but he didn’t want to let anyone walk all over him, especially not an asshole like MJ. Usually, he tended to flee conflict, but today was different. He was way too tired to deal with this shit. -“Yes , hello to you too,” he muttered as an answer, quickly putting his attention back to the script: “Your brother’s not here, but he told me I could use the room in the meantime.” Apparently, his tone didn’t please the actor, whose eyes narrowed in response: -“No kidding, I can see my brother’s not here, dumbass,” he shrugged and rolled his eyes: “I’m not blind.” Oooh, the insult didn’t fall on deaf ears, and it really rubbed Lukas the wrong way. He turned to the celebrity again, this time returning the latter’s glare: -“Well, good for you, I guess,” the student spoke louder than his previous mutter. His annoyance was much more visible, though he still remained polite: “If you’re looking for Mike, he’s with the stagehands.” -“Didn’t ask,” the actor retorted harshly. The other’s eyes then fell on the script, and his expression darkened. Well, shit, this couldn’t be good- and, just like Lukas had predicted, it wasn’t. MJ’s look of hatred was soon replaced by a mocking yet salty expression, one that the student really didn’t like. -“Aw, am I interrupting something?” the celebrity taunted him, leaning against the door frame as a smirk took place on his lips. -“Actually, yes. You are,” Lukas’ patience was running out. God, he wanted to punch that guy so bad… Well, not like he would ever do that, he wasn’t that kind of person. Still, the urge was there. In response to his honest words, the actor scoffed loudly, rolling his eyes again. God, that fucking asshole… -“What, don’t tell me you honestly think you have what it takes!” MJ’s tone had changed from a mocking one to a harsher, meaner one: “You have no idea how to play a role- lemme guess, you never had any theater courses before, hm?” At Lukas’ silence, the celebrity snickered bitterly: -“Yeah, that’s what I thought. You’re just a nobody, a guy who happened to be there at the right time. But you, an actor? Don’t make me laugh. You don’t know shit about acting.” Okay, now that was enough. Politeness was nice and all, but with this guy? No, nu-huh, nope, not happening. In an instant, Lukas’ attempts at remaining civil were thrown away through a window. No one could talk to him like that, and not even his anxiety was

going to silence him. -“Oh, I don’t know shit about acting, that’s right,” he talked back, his tone much more aggressive: “But at least I know how to be a decent person.” -“Excuse me?” MJ’s face showed a mix of bewilderment and fury, probably because no one ever confronted him like this in the past: “I didn’t steal someone else’s job!” -“Hah, that’s rich!” the student scoffed, raising his arms with a scandalized expression: “You lost your job! I didn’t do anything!” his voice echoed in the room as his anger intensified: “If you weren’t such an asshole, maybe you’d have kept your place in the-” However, the student didn’t even get the time to finish his sentence. The celebrity had dashed towards him, grabbing him by the collar of his shirt, bringing their face close as an intimidating gesture: -“Watch your fucking mouth,” was the warning he got from the other, whose eyes were fixed on his: “There are so many things I could do to make your life a living Hell. I have a lot of strings I can pull, and if I were you, I wouldn’t risk that,” the actor’s voice had got lower, like a murmur, a clear threat directed to him. But Lukas was just getting so fucking tired of it. Enough was enough. He grabbed the celebrity’s hand and pulled it away, forcing the latter to let go of him. -“So, let me get this straight: you want to destroy me because I pointed out how much of a jerk you were to everyone? And you still think you’re the decent person out of us two? You might want to rethink that, buddy.” The response he got was yet another glare, though this time there was no spiky answer. “Of course I’m right, asshole, can’t say anything back, now, can you?” he thought to himself, pride swelling inside him. Man, this was perhaps the first argument he ever won… Holy shit, yeah, it was- and he didn’t even stutter! Maybe he needed to be tired more often- yeah, no, that wasn’t a good idea. Air was forced out of his lungs as he was pushed away, though despite the fear of being punched, it never came. The look of pure hatred he was getting from MJ was almost burning him and, for a moment, he really thought he would get attacked- being someone who had never fought anyone, he wasn’t really confident about his abilities to fight back. But all MJ did was to step back to the door, a furious expression written all over his face: -“You wanna play that game with me?” he spat: “Fine. But mark my words, stagehand, I will win.” And not even giving Lukas the time to retort anything, the actor stormed off the room and slammed the door behind him. It screamed “ I am mad, and I want everyone to know that”. Lukas, however, did not give a single fuck about it. Perhaps it was the tiredness speaking (and it was), but if the other wanted to fight, then Lukas would be ready. Well, he probably wouldn’t in hindsight, once his mind cleared up… But at the moment, the young man’s anger was making him blind to many aspects. One of them being that MJ was a famous person who was indeed capable of destroying him, and making him fail his studies with just the right calls. But this wasn’t something Lukas would realize before calming down. And only then, he would ask himself “why the hell couldn’t I keep my mouth shut like usual?!” Until that moment… The student kept rehearsing, though his anger prevented him from actually anything. Today was going to be a long day…

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Hopefully Lukas won't have too much trouble with this jerk of an actor :)c (who I love with all my heart)

=> Chapter 7

[albino-whumpee]

Fever nightmares

ashintheairlikesnow asked:

Can I request nap + hand holding, Albus and Sann?

I know I should be doing a million other stuff, but I finally finished this lmao. It´s quite long so heads up for that! I got inspired lol. Thank you for requesting! :D

Taglist:  @castielamigos-whump-side-blog @giggly-evil-puppy @cowboysrappin @haro-whumps @burtlederp @neuro-whump @comfortforthepain @whumps-the-word @whole-and-apart-and-between @broken-horn @ashintheairlikesnow @rosesareviolentlyread  @starnight-whump @just-a-whumping-racoon-with-wifi @as-a-matter-of-whump  @whumpasaurus101 @grizzlie70 @twistedcaretaker

CW// Slavery, PTSD, amnesia, a bit of manhandling, pet whump, forced to watch implied murder (as in dream), sickness, conditioning, dehumanization, self loathing, night terror. Angst with a happy ending.

It was early morning and Zarai was ready to go to the office when Albus came behind her with a guilty look and a blanket over his shoulders.

“I´m so sorry, ma-” Albus made a funny face, letting out an almost silent sneeze “I´m sorry… A simple flu shouldn’t make me so useless to you…” he said cleaning his reddened nose, fixing his glasses. Zarai sighed.

“Don´t say such things, Albus. You need to rest. How´s the fever going?” she pulled a hand to his forehead and felt it slightly hot. At least he was getting better “I asked Sann to get some meds for you, so you can just sit back and rest until it goes down ok?”

“Yes, ma´am. I´m so sorry” he said sneaking a look at the empty couch. It had been turned into a provisional bed as “security measures”. He was already inconveniencing Zarai by being sick himself, he couldn´t also get Sann sick and bother them both. But maybe he was already doing it. As Sann was doing his chores for him. He still didn’t know how to use the washing machine, but he was proud of him for trying to learn.

“Take care, Albus. I left some vegetable soup in the refrigerator for you. Green lid for you, blue for Sann. Please, get some rest, ok?” Albus felt his cheeks going redder and redder at the care he was been granted. Made him forget about what the collar on his neck meant. A gentle pat on his head made him smile slightly “See you later”

“Yes, ma´am. Have a nice day” he said before she went through the door. He let out a loud sigh and felt a soft fur ball rubbing against his leg. He crouched down and felt a sharp sting on his head at the motion. Petted the cat with a little groan. “I will have so much work when I go back” he smiled at the cat who rolled on its back to receive belly rubs.

He wasn´t hungry, but definitely could use a bit more sleep. He tucked the blanket closer to himself, suddenly cold, as he walked back to his room. The nightstand filled of pilling cups and tissues.  He was about to slip into bed when Momo meowed to be allowed up. He set it next to him and let his head flop into the pillow. The headache smothering down as he closed his eyes.

He hoped he wouldn´t dream.

He didn´t know since when, but his dreams had started to become…unsettling. It was almost always the same thing.

Running desperately through some woods, only to get to a highway. A feeling of dread and panic always overtaking him as he looked at both sides. It was deserted but it didn´t take long before he saw two men on the other side. Terrifyingly getting closer as he couldn´t run away. Moving so, so slowly until he could feel their fingers hovering right above his shoulder. Then he could run again. Into the woods. Hearing dirty laughter behind him. But when he got to the other side, to the lake, he always came to swans flying away, scared by him. But when he pulled his arms down to see, a girl fell to the ground. Like a rag doll with no support. And then she screamed and thrashed. So painfully, with such desperation he couldn´t just stand there. But even if he wanted to jump and help her, to talk her down, he was petrified. Unable to move or talk or blink.

Then they came. The two men ignored him and went to her.

A “stop” was trapped in his throat as they walked closer. Their faces were smudged but he knew they were smiling “Stop!” he wanted to scream but then they took her away from his sight. Frozen as he was, he couldn´t follow. He could only hear thrashing and struggling. “Please, STOP!” Until there was a rope´s snap and everything went unbearably hot. It was a really sunny day. Suddenly one of the men walked to him and his face wasn´t smudged anymore. Albus was staring at himself. A younger version that smiled wickedly.

“Your pay” he always told him slapping him lightly with something like a leather wallet.

Albus opened his eyes to someone cleaning his with a tissue. He pulled his hands up “No…no…” he said still trying to focus on the face above him, feeling his body way too hot. Lacking energy to properly keep them away.  Cool hands held his gently. As if they were used to it. Pulling them down with a single hand that held their wrists together. Albus squirmed a bit, but he was so tired, he needed another nap. A hand pulled him slowly to see his face… That´s when he understood it was Sann. He was at home. It was only a dream.

His gray eyes looked at him with both worry and relief as he relaxed. Sann let go of his wrists as Albus straightened up and saw Momo with its fur sticking up and dilated pupil staring back at him. Wary. Had he screamed?

“Bad dream again?” The boy signed with a frown. Silence. Sann breathed in, inhaling the smell of sweat as he pulled him into a hug. Running his fingers over his head as he clung to him.

“You´re gonna get sick” he said face pressed against his chest. Sann shrugged instantly, hearing him giggle before it went quiet. They stayed that way for a while until Sann pulled away when Albus did. The boy sniffing as Sann passed him a tissue. He thanked him before stretching to whisper to Momo a little sorry. The cat seemed to accept the apology for scaring it as it didn´t jump away. Sann passed him a few pills and a glass of cold tea. He swallowed the pills quickly before his eyes fixed on the glass.

“Sann” the boy perked up at his name being called. Albus wetted his lips trying to suffocate the chuckle wanting to get out “The glass is stained, look” he passed it to him as the boy opened his eyes wide, searching for the stain. Confusion written all over his face. “I´m joking” he giggled as the other looked at him in disdain. Receiving a playful bump in his arm as retribution. “You have done so well with cooking and cleaning, we can move on to the next stage” he nodded like he was an old sage of housekeeping “Washing laundry” he finished with Sann looking at him expressing a little dread on his face. Even if it didn´t hide the little dimple appearing on his face before a smile came up.

“Al” he signed. Using white “You still have a chance to learn comedy. I believe in you”

Albus now stared at him giggling as he squinted his eyes. But he smiled, seeing he didn´t went into a cough fit like before. The treatment from one of Claude’s friends was starting to work. Even if surgery was still just a thought and talking again was still a fantasy.

“I´ll clean this mess up and leave you to rest ok, comedian?” Sann mouthed the last word, not knowing how to sign it. Right before he lifted himself up and felt a hand reaching to his sweater.

“I, uh… can you stay a bit?” Sann stared at him for a second, then noticed the hand tightly tugging the blanket. “Please? I just…” Sann´s chest clenched “I don´t want you to get sick, but…I don´t want to be alone right now”

Sann breathed in slowly before slipping back to the bed. He was unsettled and proud. He never asked for something directly, much less something like that. Whether it was him letting himself be vulnerable or real fear, he would be there if he needed him.

It took a bit for him to talk again. After a silent sneeze and the respective exchange of a tissue “Sann?”

“Hm?”

“Do you…Would you want to remember anything from before?” Sann kept stroking the cat´s fur. Then nodded.

“You don´t?” Sickness made him far more honest, Sann noticed. “Without the pain it would be nice”

“Yeah that too. I would like to! I think…” He stayed quiet for a second “If you could, what would you want to remember most?”

Sann tilted his head up. Like he always did when he went deep in thought. “A song” he felt the threat of a migraine for even mentioning it but he continued “If I ever remember it I will play it for you. I will ask Mister Claude to lend me his guitar”

“You play? I would love to hear it” Albus said snuggling closer as tiredness got ahold of him and his cheeks began regaining a healthy, pale color.

“And you?” he signed “What would you want to remember?” Albus stayed quiet for a while. An answer lingered on his mouth but it looked like it forced it shut whenever he tried to say it.

“The…the day I met you” Sann was surprised and not really. Training was a blurry mess in his head too. He hadn´t remembered until he saw the numbers on his wrist either, but the softness on his tone made his cheeks flare up “and…my name? It would be, funny? Amusing? To know who I was before. If I really… “He stayed quiet again. Remembering wasn´t punished here. But the threat, even if not real, had taken roots hard to get rid of “I don´t know”

Both stayed silent for a while before Sann looked at him.

“If you remember it, can I still call you Albus?” Sann signed with white while the other blinked. 

“If you remembered yours, would you want me to stop calling you Sann?” Albus signed. Saying his name by tapping both his middle fingers on either cheek, right where his dimples appeared in a private joke, Sann smiled at. Dimpling his cheeks.

“No, I like it when you say it” the boy said leaning forward until their foreheads touched. “Call my name?” The boy finger signed over the other´s chest.

Albus closed his eyes and took a deep breathe then. 

“Sann” Feeling his body relax, he called Sann´s name in a hushed whisper “I love you”

Sann took a second to lift his head, but when he did his eyes shined as bright as his smile before he kissed him.

They stared into each other´s eyes for a long moment before Sann pulled away, swaying slightly on his seat. Slowly, taking his time to sign them perfectly. 

“I love you too” 

The boy´s smile was almost glued to it, and so was the one on Albus´ as they curled closer to each other. 

“Movie?” he signed at the albino with an eyebrow lifted. Albus smiled. No signs of the terror from before.

“Your turn to choose”

It wasn´t long before they were all set up, watching an animated movie both had the sensation of having seen before. Sann felt fingers circling his hand like a question. To which he replied by giving them a little squeeze and holding the other´s hand. It had been at the middle of it that Albus had dozed off. Sann had quietly put away the tablet and snuggled to him. It wasn´t long before he started muttering again. Anguished little sounds Sann had begun to hear more and more often. He held his hands tighter. Guiding them to his chest as he pulled him close.

Sann couldn´t say the words, so he hoped the way he held his hand and the pressure of his body against his was enough to chase the nightmares away. Albus took a while to breathe easily. But he looked relaxed. Sann did too. He didn´t want to come home to such screams ever again. Didn´t wanna see him cry and beg to the nightmares to stop.

So he held him close and let himself drift into a dream where he could say those words.

[okinawatofu]

— 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐭𝐨𝐤𝐲𝐨, 𝐭𝐨 𝐜𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐚.

long distance relationship with iwaizumi hajime.

8,551 km, but just one call away. 

a 1.1k short drabble.

5:31 pm.

iwaizumi glanced at the clock on top of his desk. it was the end of his lectures for the day, but it didn’t feel that way because of the workload his professor has given them. he knew pursuing sports science in california— away from everyone he knew, including his girlfriend— wasn’t going to be easy.

it wasn’t going to be easy in a sense where he’d start to miss home. to miss her. it was evident from how he’s starting to constantly wear the hoodie she used to borrow from him because her scent still lingers on the material.

thoughts of his beloved consumed his mind, distracting him from the empty feeling of his dormitory and the stress looming over his head. he grabbed his phone, hesitating on whether to call her. it was way too late back in tokyo, memorizing the time differences by heart. 

just when he was about to press ‘call’ on her contact, her caller id suddenly popped up on screen. his finger glided on the call button with much haste and worry, not used to her initiating your everyday calls. it was usually up to him to call first.

“babe? is everything alright over there?” he asks out of concern, earphones plugged into his ears as he sets his phone down on the desk, awaiting for her response. 

“haji, everything’s fine don’t worry. . what’s up?” hajime let out a sigh of relief when he heard her voice. it was raspy and laced with tiredness and sleep, assuming she was just about to go to bed but decided to stay up for him; a habit she soon adapted to because of the vast difference in time zones. 

“i mean i was going to call you first, but you beat me to it so,” he replied with a chuckle, he could sense the lazy smile on her face while she let out a giggle of her own. 

“it’s 1 am in tokyo, right?” 

“yeah it’s. . ” he could hear the sound of sheets shuffling around on her end, smiling to himself when her cute yawns could be picked up. “. . exactly 1:35 am over here. how are you holding up with uni babe?”

“oh you know the usual,” iwaizumi grimaced, the mention of university brought him back to the sad reality of college; right in front him was the stacks of paper given by one of his professors as a reviewer of some sort.

“trying to get as much shit done as possible. the professors here are cruel. . ” 

“aww haji~ i know you can do it! but don’t overwork yourself, okay?”

“no promises babe—”

“haji!”

“i’m kidding, i’m kidding. . ” his hearty laugh caused the other party to join him in his happiness right after, the sound of her joy bringing this light feeling in his heart that he has been unknowingly needing the entire day.

“by the way, did you take your meds this morning? please tell me you did. . ”

“of course i did. oh and i still have that color coded folder you delivered to me for my papers, so thank you for that. . ”

“don’t worry about it haji, i know how antsy you get when your stuff is all disorganized. . ”

“. . do i really get that antsy?”

“believe it or not— yes you do love” he rolled his eyes at her relentless teasing, unaware of the smile plastered on his face the whole time they’ve been conversing. it was phone calls like this he wouldn’t mind getting charged a thousand dollars for.

“how is uni going for you so far? have any. .  tea to spill?”  

“starting to use my slang now, eh?” it was crazy how iwaizumi could imagine the face that y/n was making just from the tone of her voice. he could imagine her eyebrows wriggling so teasingly, an indescribably weird smirk he knew all too well.

“well uni is all good, stressful but i guess in a good way,” the male listened to her every word, footsteps could be heard from the other line as she talked his ear off while he read through the pages of research works.

“right now i have a group research that’s like. .  due in a week? ugh, which reminds me that we haven’t even discussed for expenses on the printing, and the materials for the model. i mean i’m kind of glad i have at least one decent teammate— but the others though? god don’t even get me started. . ”

iwaizumi found himself slightly intrigued by the amount of gossip she could spill in one night, he’s always all ears. he never found her stories boring, even though some may be stupid as hell. he’s always there to listen.

“they sound like assholes. do i need to deliver a punch from california to their doorstep?”  he joked. he could feel her eye roll from miles away, wishing he was right there by your side to witness it instead of using his imagination while having conversations over the phone. but what can he do?

“that’d be nice. . . although, i’d rather receive an iwaizumi hajime by my doorstep right now, y’know?” her comment sounded endearing, yet the former ace knew better than to be deceived. her voice was bittersweet. it hurts to know that she wasn’t physically here with him where she should be. it pains him to know that he could only see her through a screen on some occasion because of their busy schedules. he knows she felt the same pain as he did. they were on this wild ride together.

but he knows that distance isn’t supposed to be a problem, their love was much more stronger than the struggles they’ve faced throughout this long distance relationship.

“i don’t know how many times i’ve told you this over the phone, but i’ll never get tired of repeating myself. i really miss you, hajime.” 

“babe, i’m pretty sure you know by now that i miss you too. . ” hajime knew she was trying to be strong for the both of them. he was trying to do the same as well. if one ever falls and struggles, the other would be there to pick them back up and carry their burdens with them. but if both parties fall and couldn’t get up, they know they’d just hold onto each other and pick each other up once again.

“6 months, remember? 6 months is all it takes, babe. . ” he reminded her after the inevitable silence between them. he’d never get tired of waiting for that moment to come. that day that was set for her to finally make it home in his arms. 

“. . yeah, 6 months left, haji. 6 months until i make it from tokyo, to california— to you.” 

6 months is all it takes until iwaizumi hajime could finally have l/n y/n in his arms once again. no matter how long it takes, he will wait. 

this was very impulsive of me. managed to finish this one day. my power? exquisite HAHAHAH thank you for your assistance @ouikarwa​ mwa <3 lysm.

[edited, 2:23 PM] kind of proofread this, not major changes though so idk HSAKDSJ THIS WAS VERY IMPULSIVE BUT I HOPED YA’LL ENJOYED THIS

[islandpcosjourney]

Day 25 - Spring ‘21 challenge

8th April 2021

“It’s never too early or too late to work towards being the healthiest you”

Today’s juices are: Anti-oxidant King Pineapple, Apple, Spinach, Beetroot blended with Mixed berries & Banana Chlorophyll cleanser Apple, Pear, Cucumber, Lime, Celery, Spinach, Broccoli stem & Kale

Many who know me will either know the bubbly, fun-loving, energetic, passionate, can’t-stop-talking Màiri from school/college days or you may know the slightly older version of me in my teaching career, where I’m a random mix of quiet, shy, moody, polite, annoying, frustrated, crazy, chatty, chronic-fatigued, lacking confidence, over-compensating, mask-wearing (not the covid masks, but the “masking how I feel” mask) kind of Màiri.

Today I was the energetic kind of Màiri – fast talking, fast moving, fast thinking, fast drinking – everything fast! But not just today I suppose, for most of the last 3 weeks this is how I’ve been. I have had days where I’m naturally tired in the evenings but more recently I’ve been struggling to wind down before bedtime, sometimes not getting to sleep before midnight. I still wake up between 6-7am and once the cold air hits me when I let the dog outside and especially when I have my ginger shot, I am able to function and stay at that same level throughout the day. Last weekend I didn’t HAVE to get up early but I did, with every intention of getting my cup of spearmint tea and returning to bed to have a chilled morning – but once I was up, I was up! There used to be a time when I couldn’t function without 8hrs sleep, and really ladies with PCOS are advised to get as much sleep as possible, but I have too much energy to be going to bed earlier, or maybe I should just try it and see 🤷🏻‍♀️

It definitely seems like all hints of my PCOS symptoms are heading into the past now. I know I’m not completely healed yet. I still haven’t had a 3rd cycle, but my facial hair is SUPER slowing down now, the weight is falling off, the chronic fatigue is gone, the tinnitus has disappeared, headaches non-existent, my skin is soooooo soft and smooth, cellulite becoming eradicated, far less backaches but most of all my stress/anxiety levels are non-existent. The worst part of PCOS is what you can’t see – the mental health. Depression and anxiety were major symptoms of my PCOS life where small things would become big things and I’d worry about the tiniest of problems, thinking they were the worst experiences ever. I can honestly say that throughout this challenge I have never once felt foggy or ‘down’. No sign of the black dog around (except our own black beauty Holly of course!). Years ago, the doctors made me feel like having a bout of depression & anxiety was related to my work or life choices I’d made, simply giving me pills to help (which of course they didn’t) and give me no clues as to how to help myself to improve my moods, leaving it up to them to “control”. Fortunately, around 6 months after that was when I moved back north and swapped my hectic lifestyle for the quiet, simple Hebridean life, yet I still had bad days or weeks with no clue WHY. I had moved my body away from any “bad” sources according to my GP, of being exhausted physically and mentally, but still, I hadn’t essentially moved away from the problem itself, so it was still there loitering in the background. Treating the symptom, not the cause. It was masked, like a plaster. So I let go of those meds. Best decision.

I found out through research and experience that physical stress and mental stress were interlinked, whether that relates to everyone, I don’t know, but certainly those who have PCOS. Physical stress on our bodies i.e. cardio exercise/rushing around, actually exacerbates our hormones, triggering mental & gastro health issues. Here, living a quieter life, I was of course not rushing around as much. I had much more time for myself and did things at my own pace. But I was noticing that when I was busiest, I was also more prone to mood swings and craving foods that pushed me to fall into negative cycles. Coincidence? I think not.

I CAN rush around now without any side effects. WHY? Because I have gotten my nutrition right ✔️ I am healing myself; my gut, my skin, my mental health, all my cells, my nails, my hair (well, to a certain extent – shiny hair doesn’t give me hair re-growth, but one can think optimistically anyway), my teeth, my toes (well that’s maybe another subject!), my ovaries? By consuming the right nutrition, I am allowing my body to work in its natural rhythm. We are the most wonderful creation where each tiny cell in our bodies has a purpose and the power to heal. Just like you would give your car a service each year, I am giving myself a service – an oil change, some new gaskets etc. If we become clogged up, foggy, headaches, back ache, get run-down with colds, even simple tiredness – it’s a sign that we need to do something to rectify it.

I love Jason Vale’s analogy here where he uses a fishbowl as the example. Imagine a fish in a bowl, swimming around quite happy in clean water. Now imagine pouring coca cola, coffee, chocolate, takeaway food & medications into the bowl – what colour is the water now? Now the fish gets sick, it starts to choke essentially on everything that’s clogging up the water. It gets tired, gets acne, a sore limb, doesn’t recover as quickly from an illness etc. So what do you do? Feed it more pills? No, you’d change the water. Seems logical right? Common sense even? But our first thought in life as a response to something bad happening to our body is……….. what can we TAKE (not remove) to relieve our pain? 🤦🏻‍♀️ Now, for something acute, like emergency treatment for a broken arm or as a result of a car crash needing emergency surgery etc of course I’m not talking about those instances! I’m talking about the chronic issues, the ones we suffer every day, every week, the unexplained symptoms, even the explained symptoms. We get sick, get diagnosed, are given pills and sent away with a leaflet – sometimes no check-up, just get on with it. We accept it? I did, and many others would too. Instead, question everything. Why is this happening? Why am I feeling this? Can I do something to prevent it? Do I know what’s CAUSING this?

The best thing I ever did was question and constantly look for answers. I did not simply accept the “advice” that the consultants or GPs were giving me. I may have been looking for years and years and falling off the wagon more often than not but what I’ve gained is invaluable insight and experience into MY own condition, MY own life, afterall we are ALL UNIQUE, and I have never been more convinced that I can beat this and CURE my PCOS.

“It’s never too early or too late to work towards being the healthiest you”