#like. she probably isnt actually fat. she probably has gained weight. because she was ill.

[yousaytomato]

"noooo Lucy! Don't listen to Arthur! You're not fat you're beautiful!"

shut up shut up shut up

She can be both

Fat is not a bad word. Fat is just a description of the type of body you can have.

If you immediately assume fat is an insult, a descriptor meaning "ugly" please do some re-evaluating

[julyrism]

vent/negative train of thought under the cut (tw: ableism/internalized ableism)

so like my entire family is disabled. its just me, mom, and grandma, and all three of us have a various set of reasons that we cant work.

grandma's is the most obvious. shes 83 and blind and hard of hearing, and even if she was none of those things she retired years ago (well deservedly).

mom's is pretty visible. as well as several mental illnesses that make her life hell when she has too much to deal with, shes pretty severely arthritic and has some other chronic pain issues.

then theres me. i do not have an actual legal or medical document that says im disabled. but the one and only time i tried to work, i spent the whole time in pain, had a panic attack when something i had to do triggered memories of a traumatic event, and then had Another panic attack when my adult co-worker came on to me (i was 17 at the time).

so pretty much just like mom. particularly nasty cocktail of mental illness plus chronic pain. except in my case, my mental illnesses are generally seen as Not As Bad as hers, plus my pain isnt as bad and doesnt have a known cause (other than You Need To Lose Weight You Fatty). not to mention the fact that im Young(TM), and Healthy, Theoretically

so like the fact that it hurts to walk around (Because I Am Fat As My Doctor Would Say) and i get nervous sometimes or whatever, that shouldnt be a reason to sit on my ass all day, right? i CAN walk. i have no skills and severe ADHD that impairs my ability to gain any skills but i'm Young and HealthyTMTMTMTM so i should at least get a job stacking boxes somewhere and just suck it up, right?

well, thats all shit that i believe about myself. but if i were presented with a separate person in the exact same circumstances, i wouldnt say or believe that about them at all. i would be like, well obviously this person cant get a job, they and everyone around them would be miserable. they just Can't Do some stuff.

well, that's something i need to internalize about myself, and i'm working on it.

that's all well and good that i'm working on it. still sucks when my temporary assistance gets cut in half twice in a row and my whole family spends the entire second half of the month with no food because the government randomly decided that... our household got smaller? (it did not. no one died or moved out. we still need the same amount of food to survive.)

also, if a person can't work, they probably can't do paperwork either. you should see the bullshit they make us do just for some small amount to live on. mom and i have each lapsed a few times just from the stress of the paperwork, and each lapse costs us several months of groceries.

i'm completely convinced this shit is designed to kill us.