#like... bestie did you not watch the light strike trailer...

[sp-ud]

nothing as awkward as the new person in the theory server who clearly doesnt know much about the source material and keeps getting basic stuff wrong but theyre so enthusiastic you feel bad shooting them down

[living-dead-parker]

Rock With You - Z.C

Summary: How did it end up like this? It was just a joke meant to benefit Z.

Warnings: I think there’s like a cuss word idk, WLW, flUFF, mistakes. Inspired by this song and this other song (also I found a gif that really makes me wanna write some lesbian smut oMG)

Word Count: 1.5K

It started off as a joke. Everyone was going on and on about how much of a cute couple Tom and Zendaya would be. Personally, you didn't disagree, you thought they could be an attractive couple, but you knew how well they were as friends. It was completely platonic and Zendaya would admit, that sometimes the thought of being anything more than friends with him would be weird and uncomfortable. As you began to hang out with the group more, you became comfortable with everyone to jokingly flirt with them all. It was just in your nature when you got comfortable with people.

"I mean, why don't we pretend we're together?" you asked jokingly one day, causing Zendaya to look up with an odd quizzical look.

'What is she plotting?' she thought.

"You and me? Why?" Zendaya asks. She's not completely opposed to the idea, liking the idea of having the limelight taken away from the idea of her and Tom dating.

"We don't actually have to date or anything. Just show us off more. In certain compromising situations that seem a little bit more than friendly. We can have Tom post something on his story and I could just hold you close or kiss your cheek. Post pictures of us being close. Just to take the heat away." you respond, adding a shrug to make it seem less like you're eager to do it.

From there, you two did anything to take the heat off of her and Tom. They weren't a thing, they just got tired of people wanting them to be something more. Then there were the others who really wanted her to be with Zac Efron more. So as the time went by, both of you posed in pictures together; kissing cheeks, holding hands, cuddling up, and so on. The thing is that it just seemed like, 'two ordinary gal pals, who will make you wish you and your bestie were this close,' as multiple articles have put it. Sure, a lot of people were beginning to question the straightness of the relationship, taking a lot of the flame away from Tom and Z.

The whole thing lasted three months, and as the time passed, you found yourself falling. Falling for Zendaya. You wanted to be able to actually kiss her, call her your girlfriend, tell the world you're together. However, everyone knows she's very secretive with relationships, so would word even be allowed to get out?

"Hey, Y/N, we're going bowling. Join us." Z says, approaching you in front of your trailer. You look over at her, noticing how she towers over you. It's not a huge difference, but it is a noticeable difference for sure. Her hair is in its natural curls, her face is lightly beat and her outfit is rocking.

"Sure thing, let me just get my wallet." you respond, quickly turning to get into your trailer. As you enter, the lights come on from flicking the switch. The wallet lies on the counter next to you, so you grab it, flicking the lights off again and closing the trailer door. You hold the wallet up, showing it to Z.

Z leads the way, grabbing your hand and leading you to where everybody is. Your heart begins to pound as he grasp tightens a bit. A part of you wants to freak out because holy shit you're holding hands with Zendaya. You're holding hands with the girl you've been following since her Disney days on Shake It Up. As a kid, you always thought she was cute, but now you get to pretend to be more than friendly with her.

Then it hits you again. It's only pretend. Z would never like you like that. Why would she? Her career is growing everyday, scoring movie deals left and right, grazing magazine covers and so on. She could take over the world if she wanted and you? Well, you were just getting your break.

Arriving at the bowling alley, Tony leads the way inside. Tom, Jacob, and Harrison are messing around, laughing about something stupid Tom just said. Zendaya walks next to you, talking about how excited she is to get back home. How excited she is to be reunited with her niece and her dog. She was excited to be reunited with her friends back home.

The mixture of the light from the moon and the light from the neon signs on the bowling alley window illuminate her face, making her seem just so much more beautiful than she already is. Her eyes land on the boys as Tom slips, falling onto his ass. Z starts laughing, her cackle even coming out sounding angelic. God, you are whipped.

"Y/N, it's your turn!" Z chirps as she finishes her roll, managing to get a strike. Her first one of the night.

"Step aside, losers. Let me bring it home." you jokingly tease. Though it wasn't far from the truth. You had managed to miss one strike, but besides that you were on fire. You took the lead with eight strikes. Tony came in second with six strikes, followed by Zendaya with four. Jacob, Tom, and Harrison were all struggling to get more than one.

You roll the bowling ball down the lane, watching as it takes down all the pins. You raise your arms in a victorious fashion. The boys all scream in shock as Zendaya runs up to you and hugs you excitedly. You hug her back, wrapping your arms around her waist. The boys take notice of the lingering touches, the prolonged glances, everything. They noticed that you were whipped. So they tried their best to sway Z in your way. It was a long shot, nobody knew what Z was really into. If she would date a girl.

As the night passes, the games come to an end. They instead choose to play at the arcade inside the bowling alley. They team up and play basketball, play shooting games and more. It's not until they decide to finally leave that you finally gained the courage to let it all out.

"Hey, I gotta use the restroom before we go. Z can you come with?" you ask. She nods, following you to the restrooms. Briefly, you turn back and watch as the guys all give you a thumbs up. You feel a smile spread across your lips, feeling a sudden boost in confidence. It's now or never.

You both walk into the restroom, surprised to see the only light is a neon red light. It was like a darkroom, which was slightly eerie, but also felt almost romantic. Suddenly, Whitney Houston was playing over the speakers. Talk about setting the mood.

"So, I didn't need to pee or anything. I really need to talk to you." you start. Z leans against the sink, crossing her arms as she eyes your, encouraging you to go on. Her eyebrows rise slightly, mentally questioning you about the current situation.

"Go on." she politely urges.

"Look, you don't have to...reciprocate. I totally get it if you don't. I just feel like I need to let it out," you start, looking down at your hands for a few seconds. You look up before speaking, taking in the sight of her confused facial expression. "I really like you. In more than a friend way."

The silence is deafening. Well, it isn't complete silence. Whitney is still playing through the speakers, but you still feel like sinking into the ground. Z cracks a smile as she stands up straighter, uncrossing her arms. She grabs your arm and pulls you closer.

"I really like you too, Y/N. The way you're so patient with me, how you're so gentle and the fact you did this to help us. It means a lot, and I'd be lying if I said I didn't have feelings for you." she speaks. Your hands rest on her hips as she goes back to leaning against the sink. Suddenly, Whitney is being replaced by Michael as The Way You Make Me Feel begins to play.

A smirk is placed on her face as your hands reach up to her cheeks and pull her in closer. You grow nervous as your lips touch, her soft lips moving against yours slowly. Her hands wrap around your neck as you pull her closer to you. Lips move in sync, hearts melt and beat in rhythm as the kiss becomes deeper. As you pull away, you rest your forehead on hers, regaining your breathing back to normal. As the kiss ends, Rock With You begins to play.

"Zendaya, would you do me the honor of being my girlfriend?" you ask her. With a soft nervous chuckle, she nods.

"Hell yeah." she responds. You pull away completely, taking in her appearance. Holy shit she's actually your girlfriend. You're actually dating her.

As you two walk out, hand in hand, the boys begin to whoop and holler. They cheer, taking notice of your interlocked hands. Their eyes widen as they see her smeared lip gloss on your lips and you can't help but to giggle as you wipe it off, barely realizing it was there.

"Please, no babies young ladies!" Tom warns. Almost in sync, you and Z flip him off.

[sarakuper]

Mt. Hood & Portland, Oregon

Stops #10 & #11, Aug 9-13

For the fourth morning in a row we packed up and hit the road. We’ve been on the go go go ever since I got back from NY and we have been looking forward to settling into a spot and having some downtime.

I’ve noticed our travel days can be rough and Sean and I often get hangry (anger caused by hunger). I also learned that I really dislike shopping at Walmart, but damn it’s so cheap. Either way, we decided after this stop that we will no longer food shop there. With their low prices and ample space for parking a trailer we will see if we actually stick to that.

While en route to Mt. hood we also had to stop at an auto parts store because Sean wants to fix something that’s leaking in the truck. After several stops along the road we finally hit the last hour of our drive and a storm rolled in. We saw Mt. Hood in the distance hiding behind dark clouds. All of the sudden the sky is raging with lighting and thunder. It too another 10 minutes before the rain reached us, but when it did it hit hard. The lightning was far in the distance, but we had a clear view of it. And damn, there were some epic lighting strikes. Jaxon was hiding in the back seat as best as he could, squeezing himself behind the bottom of his dad’s seat as much as possible. He’s such a daddy’s boy 😝

When we arrived at our camp spot we nestled ourselves in between the trees and scoped out the rest of the grounds. This camping spot is beautiful, but sadly there are signs warning of closures because too many people leave trash behind and don’t dispose of their waste properly. You have to bury your poops 6 inches deep, at least! And always pack out your trash. It’s a shame that people don’t follow these protocols. Anyway, I made quesadillas on the first night and they actually came out so yummy! One of the things we bought was a rotisserie chicken and we spent 5 minutes shredding it to keep in a container so we could add it to any meal. Why didn’t we think of this earlier? It’s so convenient and also so tasty!

The next morning Alexis and Dou (Mamadou) arrived to camp with us for the next three nights. I spent the morning cleaning the camper and Sean worked on the car. We are so excited to have company to be able to socialize with people other than each other. Unfortunately, just before they came, water fell off the awning of our trailer and right into my lap as I was working on my laptop. I put rice on the keyboard and as per google’s suggestion, leave it off for 48 hours. For this reason I’m super happy we have internet at this campsite... Once Alexis and Dou arrived I taught them how to play kaluche while Sean worked on the truck. Man, I forgot how slow this game moves when you play with people just learning. It reminded me how much I sometimes hate this game 😂.

Later in the evening we hiked over to Trillium Lake, about 1 mile from our campsite, to fish and relax on the water. Dou had never fished before and was so pumped to, even though him and Sean got no bites. I guess the Kuper curse follows me around! Everyone else around us was catching fish left and right...

The night ended with lots of food, snacks, and kaluche until we all fell asleep. We planned to spend the next day in Portland, and that’s exactly what we did.

Portland is such a cool city! We were all impressed and fantasized about moving there. It was way more diverse than I expected and while I could tell it’s similar to Denver in that it’s changed a lot in the last 5 years while several more people were moving there, it was also clear that it’s managed to keep its originality. After a very fattening brunch we headed to the weekend market where we shopped, people watched, and ate some more. I accidentally left my camera in the trailer back at our campsite, so I was only able to capture some moments with my phone.

At the market I got a henna tattoo from an awesome lady named Aisha. I chose an elephant because I cant get those majestic creatures off my mind ever since Africa!

We watched some live music, drank smoothies, and even ate ice cream stuffed donuts. Alexis kept saying how full she was but would then eat more. Preggo life.

Coincidentally my cousin Jesse from NY was also in Portland with his wife Kristen and kid Owen! We met up with them in the late afternoon to catch up.

That night Alexis and Dou made us some quesadillas as we hung out and just laughed a lot.

The next morning we did not wake up early like we said we would for a hike. Instead of setting an alarm like we planned we woke up whenever our bodies felt like getting up and slowly made our way to the trailhead. Tom Dick and Harry Mountain trail was 9 miles out and back with 1,700 feet elevation gain, and the views were beautiful!

If you haven’t noticed yet, Alexis and Dou are expecting a baby in Jan and so I encouraged us to feel her belly in pictures. Sean opted out 😅

When we got back to our site it had finally been over 48 hours since I started letting my MacBook dry out, and so I tried turning it in. Big mistake. I learned later that only fried more parts inside. That time it turned on, but the display was busted. After that it did not turn on again. I’m not going to lie, I’ve been super bummed about this ever since it happened. I feel like my computer is my outlet for so many things. It holds about 20,000 photos currently, at least half of those are from my childhood. It’s my way to download my photos in the highest quality now that I finally bought a DSLR camera, and using tumblr has been like writing a journal- reflecting on everything and showing everyone makes me feel good. And now I don’t have my laptop to do that with. It’s not the same from my phone for so many reasons. So yeah, I’ve been pretty moody. At this point I made the plan to bring my computer into a tech company that could fix it in Portland. We planned to drive through Portland to head to the coast anyway, but instead of heading north along the coast into Washington, we will now have to go back to Portland to pick my laptop back up, and hopefully fixed. 

Anyway, it was so great to have Alexis and Dou with us, the four of us got along great... but also Sean and Dou have the cutest bromance. Anyway, they loved the camper trailer living and are thinking about getting one for their little fam. I can’t wait until that baby comes too!! They will have such beautiful mixed babies, me and Sam (our other bestie) have been waiting for this to happen for a while! Also I cannot get over Alexis pregnant. She is so small and yet so large. I even took a selfie with her belly 😍

Thanks for reading, love you all. 

[fuzz1912]

I’ve got an okay feeling about this

A fan’s review of SOLO: A STAR WARS STORY.

(Spoilers ahoy, matey. Proceed with extreme caution. Running on extreme low sleep, so this will probably be updated over the next day or so.)

I’ve been pretty clear about the parameters for what I consider to be a good Star Wars film. My initial concern has been that they should at least be internally consistent, and consistent within (let alone respectful of) the established lore of the Star Wars universe. Beyond that, my mind also turns to whether or not it merely repeats what has come before or extends the universe in logical and interesting ways. Is there a need for this story to be told, or does it excessively rely on (or trivially extrapolate from) a known backstory? And finally, does it strike the right balance of humour and fan service while telling a decent story that stands on its own?

So, having been quite critical of Disney’s previous Star Wars releases on that basis, how does this latest instalment fare?

May the month of May be with you

There’s something right about Star Wars in May. Despite the attempts by all and sundry to turn a stupid dad joke into ‘Star Wars Day’ (May the Fourth - get it? No, Cinco de Quatro is much better), in fact the month of May has its own enduring significance for the franchise. Each of the original and prequel trilogy movies were released around the mid-May Memorial Day holiday. In the US, this means summer, when kids are on break and sitting in an air-conditioned cinema is preferable compared to just about anything else. For us on the other side of the world, it is on the cusp of winter, just as the weather really starts turning for the worse - the wind picks up, the chill sets in, and darkness falls before you know it.

It’s those memories of fighting to stay warm while making it to midnight on a dark, crisp winter’s night that have always accompanied first watching a new Star Wars film for me. For some entirely silly commercial reason, Disney has thus far eschewed the traditional May release window instead choosing  December for its premieres, which has never felt right to me - December is for Christmas movies and Lords of the Ring, not Star Wars. So if nothing else, there’s some small satisfaction for me in being able to enjoy a new Star Wars movie for the first time again in the cold of May - perhaps its karma, but it feels like that’s translated to my reaction to this second anthology film.

Why make a movie about Han Solo?

Here is a character who is infamous for his intrigue. Many so-called fans criticise George Lucas for adding context to Star Wars where they believed none was necessary - see the “Han shot first” controversy (the real objection being that Greedo shot at all - which changes nothing about Han himself)(1) - in which case, why sacrifice the ultimate lamb and give him an origin story? That being said, I am loath to be too critical of the raison d’être for the ‘Star Wars Story anthology’ films (this and ROGUE ONE) - they have to date been somewhat respectful of Canon, made some generous nods to what is now ‘Legends’, and taken some interesting new directions in filling the gaps in the existing story. We don’t necessarily need them (much like we don’t need the Saga to continue an already concluded story), but that doesn’t mean they don’t have anything interesting to add to the stories we already love. 

Back in the very early days of the Star Wars Expanded Universe (what would now be called ‘Legends’) there was a series of novellas by Brian Daley about a pre-Yavin Han Solo and his adventures with Chewbacca and (you guessed it) a couple of droids on the Millennium Falcon, as he tried to eke out a living as a white hat smuggler in the Empire-lite Corporate Sector.(2) They were some of the first EU books that I read, and simple though they were, I enjoyed them because they were episodic tales set in a different part of the world of Star Wars established by the films. They weren’t high stakes, and didn’t give Han Solo an origin or back story - they just gave a glimpse into some of the sort of swashbuckling adventures that we assumed the character we met in the Cantina Bar would have had.

This movie is nowhere near as light or insignificant as that - much like ROGUE ONE before it, it takes a throwaway line mentioned in the original film and turns it into a definitive origin story about how Han Solo became that guy who shot first.(3)

Now the story of a film that lost everything and the one director who had no choice but to bring it all together

From what little has been made public, this film has not had an easy gestation - even more so than ROGUE ONE, whose ending was completely changed (undoubtedly for the better). THE LEGO MOVIE directors were fired during the shoot due to “creative differences” with writer Lawrence Kasdan, who wrote the brilliant EMPIRE (but also the lackluster AWAKENS). Apparently their take was too humorous and not the sarcastic selfishness that characterises Han Solo - which I guess is a good thing considering how ridiculous the obvious jokes in the Disney ‘Saga’ films have been. Their replacement is none other than early Lucas protege and all-round pretty damn talented Ron Howard of Imagine Entertainment (not Orange County Imagine), whose voice is embedded in many of our heads thanks to his shoddy narration of ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT.(4)

Ron Howard reliably makes good movies. He might not have the most stylistic flair, he may not be the most innovative or creative, he may not use the most challenging source material, but it would be difficult to suggest that any of the movies he’s made are anything less than solidly watchable - and most of them have been, in their own way, pretty great. He now runs a director’s masterclass, and you’d be hard pressed to find a better teacher from whom to learn the craft.

George Lucas had offered Howard the opportunity to direct previoud Star Wars films over the years, but as with Lucas’s other bestie Steven Spielberg, Howard didn’t want to take the reigns from his longtime friend. Now that Lucas has rather foolishly handed the keys over to the Walt Disney Company, that reluctance seems to have diminished. I’ve been disappointed with the direction Disney has been leading the franchise enough times to have serious doubts about this film, but the one thing that kept me optimistic about it was that it was ultimately left to Howard to deliver the final product.

That faith was well placed - this was the first Star Wars film in some time that I really enjoyed.

“You’re the good guy”

The fundamental premise of the film appears to manifest itself in this line of dialogue that Qi’ra casually throws away towards the climax. This information will spoil the payoff of A NEW HOPE, just like knowing who Darth Vader is spoils the reveal in EMPIRE. But it’s nevertheless true to the core of the character of the Han Solo that we know and love - despite being a selfish cad and a scoundrel, he is a softy underneath.

Given the context above about the importance of the tone of the film, it would appear that the decision made by Lucasfilm to bring in Howard was on the money (though really, the question is why he wasn’t there from the start). Moments of over the top humour have been toned down (at least from what I can recall of one of the early trailers showing Han being interviewed to join the Imperial Academy). That’s not to say there aren’t any funny moments, but for the most part they feel earned and not simply played for easy laughs (like *ahem* Poe/Hux).

There are some call-backs in the dialogue to the original films that might go a little too far (L3: “They don’t even serve our kind here”), but they are mostly effective when they subvert our expectations (“I hate you”/“I know” and “I’ve got a GOOD feeling about this”) which is nice when the film itself is a giant call-back. On the other hand, there were a couple of lines of dialogue that strayed towards uncharacteristically real-world expletives - especially Han’s use of the phrase “Bantha crap”, when we all know the correct terminology is “poodoo”.

Visually the film was just as much of a treat as any Star Wars movie, exploring some new frontiers with the Maelstrom / Maw surrounding Kessel, as well as the WWI-style trench warfare and snow train hijacking scenes. What I loved about each of these was that they created new unfamiliar environments with their own mechanics that drove the plot and the plight of the characters, as Star Wars does at its best. The Kessel Run - in particular the climax with the Millennium Falcon trying to escape both a hideous space monster and a black hole / gravity well at the same time - was both spectacular and incredibly intense to watch, despite the fact that you know that the chracters you’re invested in are going to survive (and that the Falcom reliably has trouble making the jump to lightspeed). From that perspective, it far exceeded anything in the last couple of ‘Saga’ films (two hour long chases of fuel attrition, anyone?).

The music was serviceable and on par with, if not a little better than, Michael Giacchino’s score for ROGUE ONE. It was used effectively and enjoyable, with impactful use of the well-known themes and leitmotifs. While I wouldn’t have called it as memorable as John Williams at his best (he was only partially involved), it was adequate if not decent - and unlike the ‘Saga’ films, it didn’t have to be any more than that.

Finally, the performances were for the most part quite good. Alden Ehrenreich faced the near impossible task of stepping into Harrison Ford’s shoes to recreate one of cinema’s most iconic characters, and he did it pretty well. Rather than attempt to mimick or channel Ford’s trademark smirk or swagger (let alone be forced to undergo make up or CGI as was done rather poorly in ROGUE ONE), he simply stayed true to the character and made it his own. Within a few minutes, I was on board and completely accepted him in the role, made all the easier by not constantly being reminded of how Harrison Ford would have played it. To each of their credit, Howard and Ehrenreich have created a perfectly believable young Han Solo that stands on his own two feet, not in the shadow of a legend.

Similarly, Don Glover (aka Childish Gambino) perfectly captured Lando Calrissian and at no point did I feel like I missed another legend in Billy Dee Williams (though I feel like Glover may have had some prosthetic teeth put in). Having to portray the dashing Lando in his prime provided Glover with the opportunity to bring greater depth to the character than Williams, who pretty much just played himself. Woody Harrelson and Thandie Newton were both solid as far as their roles allowed them to be - as was Joonas Suotamo, for the first time reprising his role as Chewbacca (despite the subtleties of the Wookiee costume, not for a moment did I doubt it was the same character created by Peter Mayhew). Paul Bettany chewed the scenery as the slimy crime boss Dryden Vos. Wherever there is Bettany, Jon Favreau can’t be far behind, giving a short but charming life to the personable alien pilot Rio (bonus point for giving the universe a little more needed diversity). Also bringing her vocal talents to the fore was Phoebe Waller-Bridge, who created one of the more sympathetic droid personalities in L3. Perhaps the only slightly disappointing performance came from the otherwise brilliant Emilia Clarke as Qi’ra, through no real fault of her own - despite playing a duplicitous badass, she wasn’t given much meaningful to do.

“Assume everyone will betray you and you will never be disappointed.”

The film is at its essence a heist movie, and a good one at that - it effectively uses the tropes of the genre, and though largely predictable it subverted them enough to keep me engaged the whole way through. The number of double crosses was just right enough to reflect that none of these characters were naive, but they all had their fundamental weaknesses.

I feel like Lawrence Kasdan and his son Jonathan did a pretty decent job with the script. Having said that, while the plot overall was thrilling, the story itself was a little disjointed. Other than Han’s relationship with Qi’ra, there was no real thread that wove all the way through and connected the somewhat disparate few escalating heists that resulted in Han’s independence and acquisition of the Falcon. Perhaps that’s enough, given most of the second and third acts focused largely on the famous Kessel Run and its consequences - most amusingly, how the Falcon goes from Lando’s souped up, sleek hot rod, into the bucket of bolts we’re introduced to in A NEW HOPE.

The side plots involving the competing crime syndicates and the mysterious motivations of the marauders weren’t particularly compelling until they each revealed their secrets towards the conclusion - but they did an effective job of believable world building, and setting up things that we already know will follow (like the Rebellion). However, the ‘droid rights’ concept inspired by the new character of L3 seemed a little underdeveloped and out of place.(5) It actually reminded me more of Hermione Granger’s Elf welfare from Harry Potter mixed with Korg’s ‘revolution’ from Thor Ragnarok, though I’d love to see the idea more fully explored within the Star Wars universe.

The film introduced the concept of ‘hyperfuel’ (also known as coaxium) as the primary MacGuffin for driving the plotting of the heists. This acted as a deus ex machina at several points with some interesting results in the execution of the Kessel Run itself (Where were the spice mines by the way? Was Disney afraid of being sued by the estate of Frank Herbert?). While fine in isolation to this movie, this did also feel a little bit on the nose given the central role fuel bizarrely played in the plot of the last ‘Saga’ film (not to mention the ongoing focus on Han’s lucky gold dice, which was overplayed in that film and introduced here as if they were far more significant to Han’s established identity than they actually are).

But there was one final touch to the plot that got the kind of ecstatic reaction out of me that I haven’t felt in years - it genuinely shocked and thrilled me, but more on that later.

“I’m putting together a crew? Are you in?”

A good heist requires the building of a good crew that brings a variety of talents to the table. To be frank, the actual Kessel Run heist in this film itself was somewhat anticlimactic. Other than the diversion created by L3 and the subsequent fire fight, the stakes involved in boosting the coaxium from Kessel were not particularly high. On the other hand, the escape and ensuing ‘Run’,(6) as well as the inevitable series of double-crosses and competing moral and selfish imperatives after pulling it off, were full of thrills and gave the characters an opportunity to really shine through - and this was nothing if not a character piece.

The Anti-Hero: The eponymous Han Solo. Well, this is his movie, you can hardly expect us not to start with Han - who is for the first time the sole protagonist of a film. As this is an origin story, he’s not going to be leader of this pack, but he’s hopefully going to show us why he will be when he meets the Skywalker family. Despite a stray reference to his father being a shipbuilder on Corellia, we never get Han’s true family name or any other indication of his lineage; he was dubbed ‘Solo’ by the Imperial recruiter quite literally for being on his own.(7) We meet him as a street kid with a conscience and a mouth - who’ll happily point out to a superior officer in his company that they are themselves the hostiles, not the natives of the planet they’re invading for the glory of the Empire. Much like his father-in-law before him, he starts off idealistic and a little bit twee in his oft-repeated desire to become the best pilot in the galaxy (the title actually held by said future father-in-law). Also like Anakin Skywalker in PHANTOM MENACE, we don’t actually get to see a lot of those skills before he slips into the role; Anakin at least was a Force-sensitive pod racing child (let alone the Chosen One), but other than the pretty nice speeder chase opening the movie its’s not until the Kessel Run itself that we actually see Solo’s exceptional skills. Han in this film is very much driven by the loss of Qi’ra right at the start, and his quest throughout is to first find her and then win her back. Having seen his cynicism while Luke is under Obi-Wan’s tutelage, it’s a nice change to see him as the earnest student trying to learn the game from his own mentor, the master con-thief Tobias Beckett. He slots easily into the role of rogue, deserter and mercenary, and through Beckett and his crew he also learns never to trust anyone but himself - with one notable exception. And the fact that exception exists, is also why underneath all that bravado, Han truly is still the good guy - when given a choice between a quick score or the greater good, he chooses the latter. Han may start off street smart but somewhat naive, but by the end he demonstrates empathy and a canny insight that lays the foundation for the scruffy looking nerf herder with a heart of gold that Luke meets in the Mos Eisley Cantina. At the very end of the film, we can see conclusively why Han had to shoot first.(8)

The Brawn: Chewbacca. The one notable exception to Han’s rule is his future trusty co-pilot, who we’ve never yet seen not by his side. Here we get to see how they meet for the first time and forge their lifelong partnership. While I was fully expecting Chewie to show up at some point, I must admit to being misdirected by the set up leading to his meet-fight with Han. Howard’s staging suggested that the ‘beast’ the stormtroopers were feeding Han to would be something like RETURN’s Rancor and the muddy fur that was our first glimpse of him also echoed EMPIRE’s Wampa. Hearing that familiar growl was both thrill and relief, as Chewie engaged Han in ferocious combat until we hear Han speak Wookiee for the first time in order to persuade Chewie that he can devise a way for them both to escape.(9) The two are literally bound together until Han tracks down Beckett - who immediately recognises that Chewie, not Han, is the prized recruit. Han learns of Chewie’s desire to reunite with and free his tribe / family, something he can and can’t relate to at the same time. Chewie appears initially skeptical of Han, but circumstance conspires to keep them together from one job to the next and along the way they continually pull each other out of the kind of pickles that would well establish the life debt he later owes to Han (but nothing specific is singled out here as the sole cause for it). At a critical moment, we see Chewie choose to stay with Han rather than return to join others of his own kind. This cements the fact that Chewie isn’t simply sidekick, but that Han and Chewie are in fact partners in crime. It’s also probably the most agency we’ve seen Chewie use throughout the saga - except perhaps for the moment that we’d all been waiting for (and had been teased at least once with Beckett), when he finally pulls someone’s arms out of their sockets. He’s also the first to throw cold water on Han when he starts bragging about making the Kessel Run in less than 12 parsecs - as Chewie points out, he was already rounding it down.

The Money: Lando Calrissian. When we first met him on Cloud City, Lando presented as a smooth-talking, responsible administrator with shades of a dark past. Lando is just as charming as he ever was, but in his younger days we can see more of the conniving, selfish operator he needed to be to survive as a renowned smuggler in the galactic underworld. However, as with Han, a glimmer of his true nature shines through his relationship with L3, his partner in crime (and possibly life). While Lando’s side of that relationship wasn’t that well explored at first (other than L3 suggesting that he may be what Futurama would call “robosexual”), and it’s not clear how sympathetic he was to her robot rights crusade, it is clear following L3’s death just how much she meant to him.(10) In return for an ever-diminishing cut,(11) Lando provides the getaway vehicle for the heist - his highly-polished and specially-modified freighter, the Millennium Falcon. The Falcon we see for the first time(12) is pristine and complete, including the escape pod completing its front that we’ve as yet not seen. Having cheated Han out of his first opportunity to take possession of the Falcon, we see the foundations of the mistrust underlying their chummy rivalry, and the guile that Han brings back to the table to finally win it fair and square. Given the considerable damage Han does to the ship through the maelstrom to turn it into our beloved hunk of junk, it’s somewhat ironic that in RETURN Lando promises Han to bring the Falcon back from the Battle of Endor “without a scratch”.

The Beauty and the Brains: L3-37 and Qi’ra. I feel terrible conflating these two, particularly between the two female members of the crew, but unfortunately that’s the sort of movie this was. Qi’ra may have conceived of part of the scheme, and been the mastermind who ultimately ended up on top, but she didn’t actually have a whole lot do other than drive the plot. It’s arguable that she may have used her emotional leverage over Han to ensure that she always had the upper hand throughout most of the film. Perhaps hers is a character that has scope to grow over the course of a greater story, but in this chapter alone she felt a little underdeveloped; you never got a sense of why Han was so besotted with her, to the extent that he would spend years trying to get her back - and her convenient reappearance at just the right time was a little contrived. But I find it more interesting to look at L3 as the one who used her appearance and/or emotions most effectively to create a robot rebellion diversion to allow the heist to proceed, despite the fact that it was literally her brains that ultimately enabled the getaway. Unlike the prissy C3PO and the sardonic K2SO from ROGUE ONE, L3 is the first protocol droid we’ve encountered that is idealistic and empathetic, and she tolerates no nonsense from her beloved Lando or the rest of the crew. While her demise was somewhat inevitable, she’s probably the most ‘human’ droid to date across all of the Star Wars movies. The other resonant feature of L3 is that she literally becomes part of the Falcon, and is as such retconned into the Saga itself as the ‘peculiar dialect’ that always seems to bring bad news to C3PO.

The Leader: Tobias Beckett (and his partner Val). Beckett also doesn’t have much to do beyond driving the plot and be a representation of the mercenary that Solo would become - his Fedora Man - without the redeeming qualities. When Val vainly sacrifices herself to try to help Beckett settle the score to end his indebtedness to the Crimson Dawn crime syndicate, he loses what little remaining connection and trust he had with others (at least, that’s what Beckett would have us believe). The challenge for Han will be not to do the same when Qi’ra walks away from him (or at least, not until he rescues a princess from a hidden fortress). Beckett is a ruthless mentor for the hungry young Han, but his commitment to making sure Han learns his lessons ends up being own weakness, resulting in his ultimate demise as Han catches him monologuing. Truly the student does become the master, with some regret but no hard feelings.(13)

The Competitor: Emphys Nest. Now this is an interesting character. Initially set up as a brutal marauder captain with a proto-Ren mask, it turns out that in fact she is the leader of a group of outcasts dispossessed by the Empire, who are not in the game for the money but for survival - and ultimately, rebellion. I found the the portrayal of the marauders and their motivation a little hard to follow at first, but ultimately far more believable and earned than the ‘resistance kids’ in the ‘Saga’. Also, I love the realism of the idea (reflected in the REBELS series) that there are disparate cells of resistance across the galaxy fighting their own wars against the Empire, who eventually coalesce into the organised Rebel Alliance. The fact that Warwick Davis’s PHANTOM MENACE cameo character Weazel returns as one of Nest’s lieutenants is icing on the cake.

The Heavy: Dryden Vos. I was fully expecting the boss of the Crimson Dawn crime syndicate to be a Hutt, so it was a surprise to see an apparently humanoid villain instead.(14) Vos appears recklessly tyrannical and limitless in his arrogance. It’s hard to believe that he’s effectively just a middle manager, though he alludes to that fact along the way, setting us up for…

The Big Bad: Holy poodoo. Darth F’ing Maul (sorry, simply ‘Maul’ now that he’s ceded the mantle of Sith to the little brat watching him from the fighter cockpit). I could not contain my glee when I saw his horned face reappear. Now this is probably going to be confusing for the casual viewer, because most would have assumed that Maul was dead after Obi-Wan bisected him in PHANTOM MENACE. But those who have had the benefit of watching CLONE WARS and REBELS know that Maul survived and has tangled with our heroes (and even his former master) a number of times, all the while plotting his comeback and revenge against his almost-murderer Kenobi. Along the way, Maul and his brother Savage Oppress took over the alliance of criminal syndicates known as the Shadow Collective (of which Crimson Dawn is one part) and took control of the planet Mandalore (in the process killing Kenobi’s beloved Satine - yes, just like in MOULIN ROUGE). We also have had the benefit of seeing his final rematch with Obi-Wan on Tatooine, possibly one of the most meaningful duels of the saga. So with context, given CLONE WARS and REBELS are technically Canon, it’s unsurprising in a way that Maul would be revealed as the ultimate villain of the piece. Nevertheless, the reveal of seeing this iconic and criminally-underutilised antagonist once again in live action was simply breathtaking. Maul was portrayed by original PHANTOM MENACE actor Ray Park, and voiced by Sam Witwer. I was somewhat disappointment that the amazing Peter Serafinowicz didn’t return to reprise Maul’s voice, but given the substantially greater amount of work Witwer has done for the character since in CLONE WARS and REBELS, it’s fair to say that Witwer is now to Maul as Hamill is to the Joker.

“You look good. A little rough around the edges, but good.”

The rather unsurprising conclusion to all that is that this film has managed to meet and perhaps surpass, the bar I’ve set for what makes a good and enjoyable Star Wars movie.

Simply by virtue of the fact that they aren’t recreating the figurative wheel, Disney seems to do a much better job with these Star Wars anthology movies than the ‘Saga’ they are unnecessarily trying to continue (but in fact are simply rebooting). I really hope they take advantage of the favorable ages of Ewan McGregor and Daniel Logan to tell the Obi Wan and Boba Fett stories that are dying to be told, let alone find a way to bottle a tiny bit of Don Glover brilliance before he becomes bigger than Yeezus and stops acting altogether.(15)

At this stage we know that there will be at least two ‘spin-off’ trilogies, by Rian Johnson (ugh) and the Game of Thrones showrunners (Qi’ra returns?). If each of those manage to continue to follow the trend set by SOLO, and to a lesser extent ROGUE ONE, rather than the tired tropes of the ‘Saga’, then my outlook is optimistic on the future of Star Wars on the silver screen for years to come.  

So for now: I’ll happily go see another Star War.

Notes:

(1) I’d add that despite sketching out a potential back story and cameo for an orphaned young Han Solo adopted by Chewbacca and present at the Battle of Kashyyyk in SITH, Lucas exercised restraint and omitted it from the shooting script. While not begrudging the creator his licence, it appears in hindsight that this was probably a wise move and certainly created an opportunity for this film.

(2) Actually, now that I read that back with decades of hindsight, I can totally relate!

(3) In this case, that line was Solo’s reference to the Falcon making the Kessel Run in less than 12 parsecs - long maligned as an incorrect reference given that parsecs are units of distance not time, though there have been some novel explanations of how that might still work that were Canon-ised by this film.

(4) Actual narration may be brilliant, please see a theralyst if doubt persists. Speaking of which, I wonder (did someone say WONDER?) which still life image he used as inspiration for this movie?

(5) I feel like the galactic resentment towards droids was signposted a little more effectively indirectly by the prequels, given the years of destruction caused by the Separatists’ droid armies.

(6) Lando set the bar at 20 parsecs, which is way higher than what Han eventually claims he achieved. It makes you wonder about the significance of the “less than” part of the claim. 

(7) It may as well have been “Corellian” or “Corleone”, for that matter.

(8) But let’s not blind ourselves to the fact that that says nothing about whether or not Greedo would have taken a shot too - Greedo already delivered his verbal coup de grace and allowed Han to get a response in before Han shot (back). Han’s mid-monologue blow to Beckett was more along the lines on Indiana Jones’s similar shot against the swordsman in RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK. As I said before, whether Greedo shot or not changes nothing about Han, who had already been preparing for the shot himself. 

(9) It’s a shame we didn't get an allusion to how Han picked up his stuttering Wookiee language skills or knowledge of their Imperial enslavement - particularly given the fact that the reason probably would have further demonstrated his empathy - hat tip to my friend Justin Scott for that one.

(10) I’ll be honest - as a COMMUNITY fan, it’s always a joy to watch Don Glover cry hysterically.

(11) He can’t seem to avoid deals that get worse all the time!

(12) Technically we did see the Falcon briefly in SITH, but let’s say that Lando has done a bit of a refurbishment since then.

(13) There hasn’t been such an effectively executed succession plan since the soon-to-be Darth Vader got ‘ahead’ of Darth Tyranus.

(14) It appears that the Hutts are being set up as the antagonists for a future Solo movie.

(15) I still vainly hold out hope for #SixSeasonsAndAMovie.