#literally failed 2 exams of calc now haha

[chuuyrr]

calculus makes me wanna throw up ... tbh i find chemistry and physics way bearable (づ_ど)

[misguidedgreys-blog]

why i fucking hate life right now;

- my grades are actual shit, i have like 3 As, 2Bs, and a C in an ap class. i fucking hate orchestra and i have no fucking idea why i signed up for it. i’ve been wanting to reaudition, but it sucks when you can’t play for shit. i haven’t had the time bc ap fucking bio sucks up all of my fucking time. calc used to be a piece of cake for me but now i’m barely scraping an A (luckily teacher rounds from 88.5), which is somewhat comforting... except we have something called finals. 

- i have a fucking test in 2 days that i haven’t started studying for... and it’s like 10% of my grade... and another one on monday. haha fuck my life

- I took an act diag test after like 4 months and got the lowest score i have EVER heard of. like i don’t think anyone has ever gotten a score this low. i didn’t know i was this terrible at standardized testing-- it genuinely terrifies me and definitely limits what colleges i’ll be able to apply to... i’m hella fucking dumb when it comes to this shit and i’m scared i won’t get the score i want (34+). i literally FAILED my essay (like actually... failed). 

- ap tests are legit in a month. i’m pretty confident i’ll do fine on calc and bio, but i have a 3rd ap test. ap psych. apparently it’s not too bad but i’m steadily studying for it... spring break cramming here i come

- SMACK in the middle of ap testing, i have my fucking sat subject tests! oh what a fucking joy. MORE FUCKING EXAMS! as if i already didn’t fucking have enough

i’m literally drowning rn, and i just want to sleep honestly. this is fucking ridiculous, this is literally why i hate myself and my fucking school 

- i’ve literally gained 20 pounds this year, and have been culminating the worse coping and eating habits of my entire life. i’m actually scared for my health and i’m worried about how the experiences i’ve had this year will affect my psyche later on in life. or how it’ll damage my ability to successfully make connections and live normally... like a normal ass human being

- a lot of bad shit had been happening to me recently. idk what it is. i don’t know why. i’ve just been really bombarded-- maybe it’s someone i hurt, how i used to steal (lol), someone i disrespected... i have no fucking clue. and maybe this is just karma... but oh boy is it gettin me GOOD