#literally sitting here and being killed by my own damn ovaries as I write this

[diazpoems]

Never have I felt more badly for making fun of those cheesy ass “fictional bf/gf takes care of you on ur period uwu” headcanons because FUCK I could rlly use that right now

[hustlemeanokay]

Okay so - real talk for a minute. Pelvic ultrasound today to see if I have another ovarian cyst. I've already had one, a big one... that decided to play loopty-loo with my fallopian tube and had to be removed, along with the ovary it destroyed. I'm so not fucked up about that at all, I have my kids... I've had my tubal ligation, I am so very done making small humans. And... I kind of want there to be another one so I can have it and that piece of shit ovary removed so I can finally be done with it all - finally be done with the worry of if that's just gas or is it a grape-fruit sized cyst?! Finally be done with fucking periods, hell yes. But... also... don't want anything to actually be wrong, ya know. You don't ever want something to be wrong. Also, also... it's insanely stressful for a whole other reason.

--- okay so this turned into a huge rant about national health care vs us health care and how much money I've already paid for this and how US people like me have to deal with money being a very real consideration when thinking about any kind of medical procedure/test/anything really.... so, it's all below the cut. ---

Fucking money. So, this is the part where people who have national health care can sit down and hush. Because let's see here... so, I have health insurance. It's considered "decent". It's not the most expensive plan offered through my husband's employer but it's not the cheapest either. However, good ol' Blue Cross/Blue Shield decides that my care is like... most of the time not fucking covered. Because I happen to own a vagina. And no, I'm not kidding. I go to the doctor and I pay $200+ for a visit. My husband can go to the same fucking doctor and he pays a little over $100. It's straight up bullshit. And we've called, we've bugged, we've asked, we've requested it in writing, blah blah blah. All we get is that it's a matter of deductibles and what's covered and what's not. See, here, in the fucked-up US, we have to deal with "pre-existing conditions". Which means, there's this huge fucking list that insurance companies have that if you have anything on there, they can and do say "nope, not covering it". And shit like pregnancy is on there. And I'm not even kidding. But I've kind of rambled off... point being - just for the doctor's visit about this, getting this test ordered, and the bloodwork to make sure it wasn't anything else... so far, out of pocket... I've paid $453 and change. This is on top of our monthly premiums for this shitty insurance. And this test? Shit. I don't even want to know how much it's going to be. But that's not even the worst part about how much this shit has cost. The actual bill for my doctor's visit... this was fifteen fucking minutes, mind you. She didn't do anything but listen to what I said and then order the tests. That is fucking all. And they billed my insurance company $360. To which the insurance company paid $113. Then, the labs? The blood work? Fucking hell. They billed the insurance company $1,684. To check hormone levels and then charged me for the second needle because the lady fucking missed my vein the first time. Insurance actually paid these fuckers $1,477. If you know anything about the US health care system, then you know that these are "insurance prices". That if I was a "cash patient", I'd be charged something different all together. Which is fucked up on a number of levels. But - just going off of "insurance prices" which is what I've been charged for this shit - so far it's cost over $3k to go to the fucking doctor for 15 minutes and have 3 vials of blood drawn. This is the kind of shit we have to put up with here. I'll know how much the ultrasound is going to cost as soon as I get that bill. Which I'm so looking forward to... note the intense sarcasm. And then... if they do find a cyst and I do need to have it removed. Holy fucking hell! That's an out patient surgery. That's laparoscopic fucking surgery. That's... like, holy fucking shit. There's goes our fucking savings account, kiss that shit goodbye. Okay, not all of it but do you have any idea how fucking infuriating it is to see the money you've been squirreling away to buy a god damned house be sucked down again but medical bills? And I do mean again. In 2019 and 2020 we paid over ten thousand fucking dollars in medical bills because we found out the hard way that my husband had severe blood clots in his abdomen and thighs because of a birth defect and had to have a procedure done or he'd - ya know, fucking die. So the money we'd been saving for years was just fucking gone. Just gone. It still sends me into a realm of pissed off that I had never known even existed until this shit. And yes, I know, "at least we could save that" blah blah bullshit. Yeah, we existed on a tight fucking budget for the past eighteen god damned years and more than half our savings was sucked dry because our health care system in the "best country in the world" fucking bullshit sucks so god damned bad that it's a fucking joke. And now, if I have this shit again? I'll be in the same boat. Yeah, an ovarian cyst might not kill you if it ruptures but it damn sure can cause you go to go septic and if that shit torsions and cuts off blood

flow to the ovary because it's wrapped your fallopian tube like a fucking twist tie on a loaf of bread... and then the ovary fucking dies and starts to fucking go necrotic inside your abdomen. That might fucking put your life in danger.

So what, then, are we supposed to do? We have zero choice. We can't apply for any kind of indigent programs because we "make too much" (we literally make $20 over the cut off). We can put that shit on a credit card and then sink ourselves back into debt and spend the next five years trying to climb out of that hole. We can use our savings and then just fucking rent forever, hoping that our rent doesn't go up and price us out of the whole god damned city we live in. Or, I can just roll the dice and hope I can just walk this shit off.

This is the shit that people who have national health insurance don't understand. They don't get it. And the people who argue against national health insurance don't get this either. Because the only people who argue against national health insurance are the people who don't need it. So, for all those in places like the UK who want to move to the US... keep this shit in mind. Breaking an arm here, fuck - just having something like an ovarian cyst, can literally financially fuck you over and screw you for years. And that's if you pay the bills. If you don't? HA. Good fucking luck, Chuck.

Why do you think there are so many gofundme's or asks for money for medical bills? Because people will make just enough to not qualify for any kind of help but they so can't afford this shit.