#literally the real life equivalent of proud immortal demon way

[cowboy-robooty]

i go on novel updates i find something that fucking sucks i read 300 chapters of it and i quit before the ending that i read the entire thing for (it ends at chapter 304) then repeat. sisyphus grindset

[shebeafancyflapjack]

Deal

My brain was buzzing with too much angst that I couldn’t sleep so I had to write this out quick. It’s the equivalent of me screaming into a pillow except the pillow is my ship.

Yes, I stole the whole ‘bring them back via time travel’ bit from Twelve x Clara.

TW: Angst, grief, major character ‘death’, Michael takes words way too literal, sad one-sided Hellstrop, cute but problematic Cheleanor.

"You sure you wanna do this?" Gen asks, very little reluctance in her tone, detached as she is from real emotions.

Even other immortals are specks of dust to her. Maybe having an impartial sociopath in charge of the Universe isn't the best idea. Oh well. It's the best they've got.

Michael nods, resolute; "I'm sure. Just...explain to me how it will work again."

*

It's been almost a month since she left her house. He just wants her to get some air.

"If I agree to go to lunch, will you find a way to bring him back?" Eleanor sniffs, wearing one of Chidi's shirts.

He sighs for the billionth time.

"You know I can't..." he tries to stroke her hair.

She slaps his hand away.

"Then what is the forking point of you?!"

"Eleanor-"

"Big Boss of Heaven and you can't bring back one person?! The one guy I need to be happy here?!"

He takes a step back. He knows she's just lashing out because she's in pain. He can't imagine the pain she's going through. He only suspects it will be what he'll endure when it's her time to walk through.

All he wants to do is help her until then. He wants to see her smile.

This was everything he feared would happen when Chidi left. He isn't enough.

"It's not a place, really. It's just time. Time with the ones you love." Eleanor wipes her nose on his sleeve; "So if the ones I love are gone then this isn't really the Good Place, is it? It's just...Place. Not even Bad or Medium, just...nothing."

It's getting harder to ignore how deep her words cut.

"Is there anything I can do?" He almost begs, voice barely above a whisper.

He would try to hug her again if he didn't expect another slap.

Eleanor turns back towards the sunset at her window.

"Aside from giving me my boyfriend back? Yeah..."

He waits, ready for whatever it is.

"You can leave me the fork alone."

*

Gen rolls her eyes at having to explain it again. She summons a virtual graph with a line to show him.

"I pluck Chidi out of a previous timeline before he had his 'feeling' and bring him here. He's still content to stay around, him and Blondie can get back to getting it on and I get some peace and quiet." She tells him, "But I can't say how long it will be till he has that feeling again. It might hit him the same amount of time or maybe years later."

Michael waves that detail off; "He'll see how much she needs him and he'll stay. He shouldn't have left in the first place. Fork, I regret inventing the damn thing. What matters is Eleanor is happy."

"Oh I ain't doing this for Blondie, I wouldn't do it for anyone but that sweet bootie she's with. The Universe shouldn’t be without him."

And because she owes Michael a favor for saving humanity. That's why she's breaking the rules.

And Michael is breaking a thousand ethical ones.

It's all worth it if it means she'll smile again.

*

She hasn't showered in a long time. She should probably get on that.

Michael will nag her about it the next time he barges in. Maybe she should consider getting a lock. Who does he think he is? She's totally handling this.

Handling losing the man who made her feel complete.

How else is she supposed to handle it other than staying on their balcony, in his shirt, stuffing her face with shrimp while clutching her copy of Scanlon's stupid book?

Maybe she'll go for a walk after her shower. Maybe she'll-

"Hey, babe. You okay?"

Fork. Oh, fork.

Now she's seeing things. Things such as her boyfriend exiting the shower, that buff chest of his on full display above his towel covered waist.

Eleanor freezes. This. This can't be...

"Babe? You're starting to freak me out..." Chidi frowns, looking down as her fingers gently prod his chest; "...You didn't suddenly go blind, right?"

Her eyes water as she feels up his skin, his neck, to touch his cheeks.

"You're here?! You're real?!"

"I...Is this an existential thing? Have you been reading Descartes because, trust me, that's not the best idea before bed-."

Eleanor pulls him in for the most desperate kiss of her life, savoring the taste of his mouth, the feel of his lips on hers, in case it's the last time. Again. Fork, it feels real.

She pulls back a little, looking deep into his eyes.

"Are you gonna leave me again?" She has to know before she lets herself fall too deep for this.

Chidi looks confused as There; "Of course not...I keep expecting you to be the first one ready to leave me. I love you, Eleanor, you know I wanna be with you for as long as we can."

That's all she needs to hear. She's not sure how but...the son of a bench did it. This is her Chidi. It's not a suit or a simulation. If it is then she's grief-stricken enough to fall for it.

Just a bit more time. That's all she wanted. She wraps her arms tight around his neck.

"I love you too, babe. I just had the most forked up dream."

That's all he needs to know. It may as well be that for all she cares.

*

"One last time. You're prepared to pay the price?"

Michael looks at the familiar pin in his palm.

Everything you've ever wanted.

"You need a great surge of energy in order to manipulate time streams in parallel dimensions." He repeats her earlier words; "What better use of fuel than a demon's essence?"

"You sure you wouldn't rather toss me one of your old enemies from the Bad Place?"

He shakes his head.

If they're going to do this...This completely unethical and unnatural scheme...It has to be him. Anything for her. She asked for two things he could do to make her happy. Now she gets both.

"I see now why you marbelised Janet." Gen remarks; "No way she'd have let you go through with it. It won't be as painful as retirement but...It's just as final, pal. So long as that past Chidi is here, I’ll need your goo to be simmering away in that vortex...even after he goes through the Door. Time isn’t to be messed with easy, even for me."

He knows. But if the alternative is Eleanor alone, depressed and hating him then what does he have to lose? The afterlife council is pointless now. Tahani and Vicky are doing more than he could attempt to contribute anymore. His friends are gone...or no longer need him...or want him.

This is the closest he will come to finding his Door.

"You'll restore Janet once it's done? And explain why I had to?"

Gen sighs; "She won't be happy about it. Usually I'd feel confident handling a Janet but...She's something else."

He gives a small, proud smile.

"Yeah. She is."

He looks at the pin again, focusing on what good this will bring back rather than the horrifying thought of what awaits him.

It's worth it for her. Always for her.

"I'm ready."

He wishes he got to see her smile one last time.

*

She's still kissing a damp and topless Chidi when there's a familiar bing sound.

"Janet! Hey." She beams, not as stunned or off put as her blushing soul mate.

"Y'know what, I'm gonna get dressed. So glad we allow our friends free access to our house."

Eleanor gives that ash a pat as he goes off. She turns to Janet, grinning from ear to ear.

"Can you believe it?! It's really him, isn't it?" Eleanor grabs her wrists, seeing Janet's face bowed; "Who knows what Michael did but I need to see him now! I’ve been pretty crabby to him lately, ‘cause it’s been so hard coping with all this, but he’s made it all right now."

Her not robot friend is silent.

Damn. The little voice is back in the corner of her mind. Hello, old frenemy. 

"Okay, I know Chidi said he wanted to go and I agreed to let him go but neither of us knew it would hurt me so much. And this Chidi doesn't wanna go yet so it's all good, right? Whatever Michael did..."

She spots the tear run down Janet's cheek.

Eleanor's senses slowly make a comeback as the high of her wonderful shock evaporates, leaving her with realistic dread.

"...What did Michael do?"

Janet sighs, followed by the smallest sob. She presses something into Eleanor’s palm.

She feels the circular piece of metal. Her heart sinks before she even looks down at the engraved thumb pointing downward.

"He gave you everything you wanted..."

[keepyourpantsongohan]

Ayesha Liveblogs Magi: Labyrinth of Magic

[Karen Smith voice] If your name is Alibaba why are you Japanese?

“Throwing me out like that is pretty mean,” he said, to someone whose house he had broken into in the night 

“Do you like money, mister?” “Yeah, I mean, since I need money” me too Alibaba

Ten minutes into this series and they’ve already introduced the concept of slavery in their society guess they’re not fucking around 

Alibaba are you seriously taking a baby to a brothel 

You know the girl in chains is a protagonist because of her Anime Hair

Is this some kind of Venus Wine Trap

Omg was Aladdin just waiting for Alibaba to exercise correct moral judgement before stepping in, those people were being digested

“All I ever did was lie, and not do anything” same my guy 

Now that he mentions it I would wonder why they didn’t bring any supplies to this Tower of Death

You know, I really thought Aladdin would be the one to bite the insect first

I hope that Alibaba continues to use that dagger no matter how magical his fights get like ‘guess u just brought magic to a knife fight’

“So I guess I better let him know why I entered this dungeon” I thought it was for gold and prostitutes 

“Labour is the duty of mankind” okay Lord Bourgeoisie 

This situation has really escalated we went from declarations of friendship to kidnapping and stabbing in like thirty seconds flat

This guy only has two reactions to people helping him which is tipping or stabbing Alibaba is truly living the customer service life

“Where’s Alibaba?” it appears that he has burst into flames

Can you really fault Morgiana for not responding to ‘Slave Lady’ immediately after you learned her name?

Morgiana: [Beautiful description of homeland delivered in monotone]

“But how?” “I’m immortal that’s how” Last episode you were being digested by a plant????

Morgiana displays the benefits of not skipping Leg Day

I guess if you’re immortal you’ve got endless time to master swordplay

Lord Jamil’s really got some issues what’s with this endless “kill him” chant

Divine Right seems like a very poor way to choose your leaders 

“I even messed up really bad one time” this is some kind of Reverse Foreshadowing it’s like Backshadowing

‘My Sinbad Dream’ sounds like the title of a bad fanfic

Where’s he gonna put all that gold does this ancient Arabian city have banks 

Update from ep. 11: Yes they do and they are corrupt

Amazing Alibaba used his treasure to abolish slavery truly the only honourable boy in this society

“The same blood runs through our veins” Baba implying they’re all inbred

“You’re Baba’s child now” should not be a comforting statement from someone you just met

Sure, when babies drink milk directly from the teat it’s healthy and a bonding experience but when Aladdin does it’s inappropriate

“Don’t worry Toya, I’ll protect you no matter what” Dude’s gonna die ain’t he

I don’t imagine that they’re going to get a peaceful submission to foreign rule from an independent and inbred nation 

I knew Ryosai would be a dick from the moment he opened his mouth

“Until I see the faces of my children’s great-grandchildren and great-great-grandchildren, I’ve got to make absolutely sure I live on with everyone” WHAT THE EVERLOVING FUCK

Princess Hakuei is such a good leader even if she is an imperialist  

What kinda Sailor Moon-esque transformations are these and when do I get to see Alibaba’s 

“I’ll keep you in those chains for the rest of your life” Poor Morgiana that Jamil really fucked her up 

“You have a sense of justice and value your friends” “I’m telling you that’s not true” lmao what an objection Leila 

I’d call this guy Lipstick Kakashi but I feel that’d be insulting to Kakashi

“Don’t lump me in with those ridiculous bandits,” said the slave trader

Yikes @ Morgiana explaining the concept of slavery to this tiny girl but I guess it doesn’t help to sugar coat it

YAS MORGIANA KICK THE ASS OF ALL THINGS END HIM 

This is a sidenote but I’ve gotta imagine that if Goltass was one of the Plainspeople they should’ve noticed him because he’s massive??

I’m guessing this handsome sleeping man is Sinbad

“My name is Sin” not only was I correct but also he calls himself Sin pls

What kind of a fucking outfit is Sinbad walking around in my goodness

Lmao at Sinbad this is the equivalent of telling your two Indian friends ‘hey maybe you guys know each other’

I thought the guy with the black hair was Jafar? Did I hallucinate or is this a plot point

“I’m gonna fight with you” “Yes ma’am” is it wrong 2 hope they get married

What an honourable ruler he wants everyone to have autonomy

Sinbad just wants to cuddle with Masrur

“He’s only wealthy from your taxes. If you don’t believe it’s worth paying, take back as much as you want. But, don’t take any lives.” I! Love! Him!

This has got to be an Alibaba and the forty thieves reference

Oh no Alibaba and Aladdin look so sad I don’t care for this 

“We can’t let them end up like Mariam” the Backshadowing continues!!

Fsfjhdskjhfksdhgl I want men to look at me like they look at Morgiana and by that I mean terrified 

SHE JUST PICKED UP A GROWN MAN I LOVE MORGIANA 

Aladdin sure knows how to diffuse tension in a room 

“She was a prostitute of the slums” this childhood memory got dark real quick

It’s weird that brown people exist in this universe but none of the people with Arabic names are brown 

!!!! Alibaba is the rightful ruler of Balbaad omg

Oh shit I guess all of Alibaba’s skills aren’t just down to immortality

“They’ve been driven out by the state... something about re-development” this magical society is a little too real

Things are about to go terribly awry I know it Cassim is about to ruin everything

WHY ARE YOU STILL HANGING OUT WITH THIS GUY ALIBABA HE’S RESPONSIBLE FOR ALL YOUR SUFFERING???

Dfsdkfdsjfhksdjhfsdglfg Sinbad “eavesdropping is in such bad taste” ur right Jafar

I mean I get Cassim’s plight but I also don’t trust him 

“Cassim and I had a special bond, he was my family and friend” he is responsible for your dad succumbing to illness??

I want Alibaba to rule Balbaad but that would really not fit into this narrative arc of travelling

“It’s Cassim” who could’ve predicted that Cassim would ruin everything

Sinbad joining the Fog Troupe is simultaneously exactly what I expected and not at all what I expected?

“What kind of a hardened and callous man are you?” poor Jafar lmao

“I choose not to interfere with domestic issues” he said, after asking two contenders for the throne to speak in a public forum

“You aren’t even fit to be king dammit” them’s treasonous words my friend

What a creepy old man my goodness

Oh it’s Judar not Jafar that explains it I guess???

Poor screamy Alibaba trying to protect his nation’s people 

Damn Sinbad’s so charismatic he gives other people a complex just by standing next to him

The Humble King trope is my favourite Alibaba pleading for his people’s lives or in Naruto when he pleads for Sasuke’s life like that’s some Good Shit™

Judar: Hi I don’t want anything I’m just here to be an asshole

It’s ironic that a character who shares a VA with Natsu is proficient in ice magic

“Why are you doing these things?” Because he’s a dick that’s why

There are only like 3 known magical people here so I’m guessing it’s someone we haven’t met yet 

“I’ll remain and finish off this little child” why is Sinbad the only moral adult in this universe

All these poor Balbaadans must be like ‘I didn’t sign up for this shit I just wanted to know how the negotiations went’ 

I can’t believe that Sinbad defeated them through the Power of Handsome

Sinbad: Capitalism is an obvious trap how could you fall for it

Every single one of Alibaba’s reactions to being thrust into leadership roles are me 

Amazing all Matthew Mercer characters get drunk and trash talk their homies 

“It was Alibaba who saved me” Lmao @ Morgiana’s shoujo reimagining of her being freed

Sinbad captured Judar’s dungeon and I’m sure there’s a sex joke in there somewhere 

Uh-oh Alibaba’s about to get an inspirational lecture 

“Why do you think I should go back to where Sinbad is?” why do you have such issues with Sinbad, Cassim

I kind of love this trope reversal from “there are some things worth dying for” to “there is nothing worth human lives”

“He’s still my friend” Alibaba’s still protecting Cassim when he’s basically done nothing good ever in his life what kind of fuck ass loyalty

I love battle training!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh

“I have a feeling that she’s a woman who’d lend me an ear” Sinbad’s gonna fuck her into changing her mind

Even though I’ve been questioning the logistics of Alibaba becoming king, Sinbad’s a king and he’s not in his kingdom so who am I to judge

“Could this be a case of the marriage blues?” Something old, something new

My boy and his new sword I’m so proud of him 

“I may not look like it but I’m a very powerful girl” “I know” actually I hope these two get married just so I can watch her toss him around forever

Lmao @ Morgiana partially destroying every building she comes into contact with

Real talk we know who got all the looks in the family like who was Ahbmad and Sahbmad’s mother yikes

Alibaba threw his brother’s sword away and then slapped him I love him

Props to Princess Kogyoku for taking the revelation that her fiance is gross in stride

“As of this moment, the country of Balbaad will be ending its monarchy!” OH MY GOD ALIBABA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Alibaba’s doing the nationwide equivalent of declaring bankruptcy

“Are we saved?” A legit question, royal guardsmen

I’m so in love with Alibaba creating a democracy in a world of empires my baby 

“Doesn’t it seem like it’s all a big scam?” Why is Cassim like this he’s the worst

I’m gonna guess that Ugo belonged to Aladdin’s dad 

For someone who doesn’t want to be king Alibaba sure is good at leading

“Sounds to me like all you wanted was to be king yourself?” that’s about the size of it 

Why. Are. You. Like. This. Cassim???? Chill the fuck out 

“Is that thing Cassim?” He’s literally a demon beast now killing all the citizens of your country I don’t think you have to feel bad about fighting it

Sinbad is just constantly joining in the fray to he’s like the older brother Alibaba needed instead of the two dinky ones he had

“Later I plan on making you mine too” gay but rude 

“It’s because you’re you, Alibaba” <3333333333333333333333 Baby boy and his baby bro ah!!!

“Halharl infigare” sounds like something you’d say when you could no longer form words

“You never lost that radiance did you?” so what ur saying is that u hated Alibaba bc you had a little gay crush on him 

Alibaba refuses to let Cassim get away with being a dick just because his father was one

SHIT THE MONTAGES OF DIFFERENT PATHS ALWAYS GET TO ME

I weep for Alibaba who weeps for his lost friend

Thought the villains would be like 4 or 5 people but it turns out it’s a whole cult

What a beautiful turn of events I’m upset in a good way I’m tearing up a bit

Sinbad @ Alibaba: I’m kidnapping you out of love 

These people look so happy to see a giant sea monster bless them

“His lunacy might rub off on you” I’m not sure if I want to see Alibaba become a high-impulse swordsman but tbh his impulse control isn’t that good anyway

Oh my god Morgiana and Alibaba are so cute and bashful 

“I’ve already got family, each and every person who lives in this country” that is adorable but that’s also what Ashoka said and look how the Mauryan empire turned out

I love Morgiana’s commitment to saving people from oppression

“You should do whatever you feel like doing, now and forever” ALIBABA AND ALADDIN JUST INSPIRED HER SO MUCH SHE BROKE INTO DANCE

I thought the Djinn transfer would be much more complicated but there you have it I guess 

The entire royal guard is about to slut-shame Sinbad 

Fdgkldgjlkdfgjldkfgj I know that Sinbad didn’t actually do anything but this is still so funny 

“By the way, I’m the culprit” Ka Kaboun is such a mess lmao 

“You’re an upstanding person Ka Kaboun” she said, after he tried to frame a man for a sexual assau/t 

So this is a scarred man with designs against his own family’s empire who will probably team up with the happy-go-lucky protagonist I’m not saying that this is Arabian Zuko but he’s Arabian Zuko

Those long chains seem a little impractical for battle and walking around

I love that Alibaba is so incorruptible that even with a literal demon inside him he refused to hurt Hakuryu 

Kind of harsh of Alibaba not to help the little girl but I guess he is poisoned and Hakuryu stepped up right away anyway

Well at least this time they tried to bring supplies 

My three children are so beautifully in-sync with their battle maneuvers

I really thought when they split up that Hakuryu and Alibaba would be a team

“It kind of seems like he’s always trying to take on everything by himself and it kind of irritates me I guess” Pot kettle Alibaba

“I’m doing the very best I can, you know?” ME TOO HAKURYU 

I LOVE HAKURYU AND HIS CRYING FIT HE’S ADORABLE

“I’m counting on you to be right there” Brotp: Crybaby Princes

I love Sinbad worrying about his teenage homies A+ adulting

What happened to these people that they are psychologically scarred at any mention of war

WHAT THE FUCK WHY IS MORGIANA HURT WHY WOULD U DO THAT

I guess even King’s Candidates aren’t immune to PTSD

Everything is escalating so quickly I’m very worried about Sinbad and Alibaba

“If you’re the enemy then act like it!” oh no this is sad

“Why does everyone do such things as if it were perfectly normal?” THAT’S MY QUESTION ALIBABA

NO THIS ISN’T WHAT I WANT AT ALL MY BOY WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO YOU 

I knew Zagan belonged to Hakuryu!!!! He wouldn’t have abandoned Morgiana if he hadn’t already healed her 

“You’re nothing more than a magician” “Sorry, you see I’m also a genius” I love Yam

“You’re Alibaba whom I love so much” I love grammatically correct declarations of friendship my nerd baby boys holding hands ah!!!!!

There’s so much I love about this episode Sinbad’s half-fallen reveal, the friendship between Alibaba and Aladdin, Hakuryu’s new power, Princess Kogyoku’s joining the Sindrians, everything is 10/10

“Just like Alma Toran, eh?” I guess we’re about to learn why everyone is so averse to war 

If Alibaba truly doesn’t want to be a nobleman he’s gotta stop acquiring so much money

“I’m looking forward to crossing swords with him” why does every challenge to Sinbad’s authority sound so homoerotic