#literaly about sums up their entire relationship

[multifandom--mess]

something about this just really puts things into perspective idk

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for bluntly pointing out biases my friend has due to trauma?

So I (18n) have a long history of weird petty disagreements with this friend, B (19m), but this time I'm not sure if I was actualy just an asshole.

We were out with our other two friends S (19m) and E (20m), E starts talking about a coworker, I forget what it was about, and B jokes around saying something like "ooh is he hot" or "ooh is he single" E responds saying that said coworker is actualy 16. B erupts in disgust saying things like "ewww gross a minor!". I, forgetting he had recently had his 19th birthday, said that he was being a bit dramatic and 2 years is not that bad, Wich started our argument.

I forget the specific order of things so I'll sum up our main points. He was saying 2 years is a gross age gap, especialy if one is in middle and the other is in highschool because they are different social environments, and that's a similar dynamic to how he was abused by an ex, the whole time he had this very grossed out dramatic tone.

He has talked about this ex extensively in the past, from jokes to vents. And based on what my friend has said, this guy genuinely did treat him horribly. Mainly emotional abuse, guilt tripping, and being very controlling. Their ages did play a part in the power dynamic.

Anyways, my point were that 2 years is not that bad, and that anything can be a different social environment, people can go to different schools or one person can be in college and the other not. Of course 2 years could be bad paired with other stuff, but by itself I don't see anything to gag over.

This went on for a bit until I got tired of B mentioning his past so much as if it's what all age gap relationships are like, so I said something like "youre acting like you are the norm and im the weird one, but i think more people would agree with me, i think your biased" and he got really upset, saying I hurt his feelings and avoided me for the rest of the hangout, acting all sad. I felt bad seeing him like that, but didn't regret what I said and thought he was just being dramatic like he can be sometimes.

A few days went by where we didn't talk much, and next thing I know he sends me a dm saying "hey, i have something to say to you, i have this to say..." and sent me a screenshot of an entire paragraph in his notes, literaly saying things such as

"i dont care about "winning" or "loosing any arguments with you, but the other day, you took it too far. Saying something along the lines of "you only have that opinion because you were groomed, not everyone else has that opinion" was really hurtful" he also said I "insulted" him and that "there are better ways of aproaching disagreements, minor or not, that dont involve hurting eachothers feelings"

I was floored, I knew this guy had been dramatic in the past but this took the cake. Though I was annoyed and still kind of am, I can't help but feel bad?? Like I hate that I hurt his feelings but come on dude.

I responded saying that I did feel bad for hurting his feelings but didn't understand where I went wrong, clarifying that all I was trying to say was that he was ignoring his bias and admiting that I may have worded it wrong. Also mentioning that I had no idea what he was reffering to when he said I insulted him.

He responded saying "yes but you never appolagised" and "the way you worded it made it sound like my opinion was invalid because of my past trauma, wich is insulting because it implied my opinion was not valid because of my trauma"

I simply responded, "i dont get the difference between that and having a bias" and he talked about how "regardless of my past trauma I'm aloud to have an opinion" and "I'm not trying to have another discussion on the topic, I'm just trying to communicate to you that you hurt my feelings"

At this point I was just done because to me, he was just doing that thing ppl do when they want to say something without being challenged on it, so they say they "dont want to fight". So I just liked his message and we never talked about it again.

It's been a while but I still feel a bit bad and can't figure out if I'm just being a hard headed asshole or if he was just being dramatic. AITA?

TLDR: I tell friend he's just biased against age gap relationships because of his trauma with a past one and he makes a big deal out of it saying I invalidated his opinion and insulted him

What are these acronyms?

[buffalostorm]

Fanfic

a text exchange is implied between the Havenfall crew and I decided to write it

Set in Mackenzie’s route

occurs somewhere during Season 2 Episode 7, in the time gap between the two

MacMommy has come online

JuniorLucifer69 is online

MM: JD

MM: Can we talk

MM: Im not accusing you of anything

MM: JD you arent in trouble or anything

JL: sherif

MM: Im texting as Mac right now

JL: cul i like mac beter

JL: since ur mac can this wait for a sec im in the midle of sum stuf

MM: Does the bowling alley have some customers

JL: nah

JL: its crime stuf

MM: what

MM: JD

MM: Im the Sheriff now

MM: JD I will call Razi right now

JL: jk wat up

MM: Are you doing crimes

JL: not unles eatin froot loops is a crime

MM: its 9 PM

MM: and arent you at the bowling alley?

JL: yeh an i wanted froot loops

JL: i knew i would want froot loops so i took some froot loops in a plastic bag

JL: who made u the sherif of fud time

MM: weve gotten off track

JL: never knew what the trac was

MM: I wanted to ask for advice

JL: im literaly the person with their life the least put together

JL: the only thing im qualified to give advice about is precisely how much shit u can do and not get actualy punished for

MM: How about dating

MM: like asking someone out

JL: y do u need advice

JL: u 2 made out in front of the entire town

JL: not much of a feat

JL: the in front of the entire town part

JL: the making out was a biger thing

MM: Weve done more than that

JL: u 2 are together right

MM: We are together yeah

MM: We havent been on a proper date yet though

JL: havent u asked some1 out before

JL: wait

JL: uve done more than that

MM: I shouldnt have said that

JL: did u 2 do it

JL: DID YOU TWO GET DOWN TO BUSINESS

MM: …

JL: WHATS THAT SUPOSED TO MEAN

JL: YOU CANT JUST DOT DOT DOT ME MAC

MM: Im just here for advice I dont need anything else

JL: OK but whether or not u 2 have screwed does change my answer

MM: I dont see how that has anything to do with it

JL: it absolutely does

MM: Im not answering that

JL: cool so u 2 absolutely did do it

MM: JD

JL: nah its cool im happy for u and all but le

MM: JD

MM: Are you there.

MM: JD you need to finish that sentence

JL: This is Razi. JD was texting on the job and they tell me I’m texting Sheriff Hunt.

MM: yeah this is Mac

JL: If I may ask, what did JD do?

MM: Nothing this is an informal conversation

JL: JD is telling me to scroll up.

MM: Please dont

MM: Razi

MM: Razi

MM: Razi you better be typing a very long message because I dont like this one bit

JL: jd back on the mic

MM: What happened

JL:  razi read through the rest of the conversation and started crying from laughter

JL: i swiped my phone back

MM: Do u remember when things like this stayed private

JL: pepperridge farm remembers

MM: Good times

JL: update razi is still laughing

JL: he has done the dad thing where he chuckles and shakes his head

JL: he mumbled something

MM: I dont need the play by play

JL: im more of a color commentator

MM: Can you bring him back in

MM: I could use the help

JL: ill help him get on

MM: Ill be waiting

JL: hes almost on

JL: hes trying to compose himself

MM: Does he need any help

JL: still trying to compose himself

JL: he has stopped giggling and put on a Serious Face

Guest42251413 has come online

Guest: Hello, this is Razi.

JL: henwo

MM: Welcome Razi

Guest: Why do you guys have initials and I don’t?

JL: u have to register

Guest: OK, how do I do that?

MM: JD can you help him

Guest 42251413 has registered as Razi420

MM: Did you choose the name

Razi420: JD helped me. I tried to register as Razi, but the system said, “Username taken,” so I tried Razi1 at the behest of JD. That too was taken, so then JD informed me that Razi420 was open so I took it.

Razi420: Wait, I don’t have initials.

MM: JD can you help him

JL: i dont know its just so difficult

JL: itll take 10 hours

JL: i remember when i changed my intials i had to fill out all sorts of forms

JL: it was such a hassle

JL: and you wouldnt make little old me go through that again.

MM: OK you dont have to help Razi

Razi420: I guess that an old man like me wouldn’t understand it.

JL: ill get diego on the line 2

Razi420: You know computers are so hard for people like me

JL: mac how much experience do you have with dating

MM: I havent asked anyone out in my life

JL: not even for a sadie hawkins

Razi420: The other day I learned about emojis.

MM: I went to a small high school no one else was out

JL: so is it a confidence thing or a what do i say sort of thing or whats a good thing to do kind of thing or what

DrEscalonaMDPHDBS has come online

Razi420: See, Diego knows what it’s like, you don’t know how to do anything, you don’t know the lingo, you don’t know how to get initials for your messages.

DE: What?

DE: What did you guys need me for?

JL: i just heard razi sigh from the arcade

DE: So what was going on around here.

MM: I need some advice

DE: mhm, and what for?

MM: Asking someone out

DE: You two are definitely together, is that correct? I remember you two sharing a ,ah, intimate moment together.

JL: theyve “done more than that”

MM: JD dont you dare

DE: I’m going to need you to be more specific, JD.

MM: You better not

MM: JD I swear on my mothers hashbrown casserole if you dare say a word that is off task I will smash your stupid John Lennon sunglasses on the ground

Razi420: Part 1: I’ve tasted that casserole, this is very serious. Part 2: I will not say a word about that. I will hold that as a secret to be divulged at your discretion.

MM: Thank you Razi

DE: All of that aside, this is a date between you and our friend.

MM: Yes

DE: Just making certain everything is clear.

Razi420: In addition, Mackenzie has never asked anyone out on a date.

MM: Most of my past relationships we just kinda ended up in the same place

DE: Coworkers?

MM: Yeah basically

DE: My experience may seem a little old and not suit your personal flair, but I will offer my advice

JL: THEY HAVE MOST DEFINITELY HAD SEX. THEY HAVE DEFINITELY DONE THE DIRTY. MACKENZIE AND MY LOVELY COWORKER HAVE IN FACT HAD A ROLL IN THE HAY.

MM: Are you done?

JL: not yet

JL: macken-ZAY has gotten biz-ZAY

JL: They have shagged, baby

JL: ok im done

DE: I see

MM: I want merely two things in the world

JL: is one of those a piece of that ass

MM: I just want to take my girlfriend out on a nice date

JL: im a prophet

MM: And a device where I can punch JD in the face whenever I want

MM: not too hard

MM: not hard enough to cause damage

MM: but hard enough to make them stop

MM: Is that too much to ask

JL: yknow not wanting to damage me is probably the sweetest thing u ever said to me

JL: also mac you can break my “john lennon sunglasses” i have 50 backup pairs.

MM: Just please tell me how to ask out a girl

DE: When you say date, do you mean “let’s go out to lunch on Friday,” or “Come follow me, I have a surprise for you.”

MM: The surprise one

DE: Is the surprise time bound or can the surprise come at any time?

MM: Its time bound

DE: How much planning went into this?

MM: A lot

DE: Please be specific

MM: I rented out the drive in theater for an exclusive showing

DE: That’s extensive.

DE: Are you certain she doesn’t have any commitments?

MM: …

MM: no

JL: doc were in havenfall the only other possible commitments u can have is harvesting corn or very specifics times for rituals

JL: those r the only 2

DE: Still, for future reference, it is polite to make certain there are no other commitments.

MM: OK

DE: So, the basic message is, come with me to the movies.

MM: Id like it to be a surprise but yeah

DE: mhm

JL: ok so for a surprise you gotta give enough to peak their interest

Razi420: pique

JL: idea lee u keep them guessing until u finally get to the location of the surprise

Razi420: ideally

JL: if u wanna go the extra mile leave a red earring  so they think ur gonna go someplace else

Razi420: red herring

JL: plant a piece of evy dance that suggests a bar crawl instead of a camping trip or whatever but be careful

Razi420: evidence

JL: u dont want to accidentally pull a bateman switch

Razi420: bait and switch

JL: no im pretty sure its bateman switch

Razi420: bait and switch

JL: its like when ur watching an episode of arrested development and then u realize that the entire time jason bateman was just a cgi clone and not the real jason bateman and then ur just like aaaaaaahhh man i wanted to see jason bateman and now i get this

JL: thats a bateman switch

Razi420: That doesn’t happen.

DE: That seems rather con fluted.

Razi420: convoluted

JL: so if ur seeing a drivein movie ur bringing blankets and other stuff right

MM: yeah blankets pillows and popcorn

JL: so thats pretty obvious

DE: It’s been so strange to see popcorn grow as a foodstuff.

JL: doc please dont weve wasted enough time as it is

Razi420: I’ve seen it too, it’s very strange how we’ve all decided it is only for movies and baseball.

JL: dont start this old man

Razi420: I remember when growing popcorn was the livelihood of some people.

JL: razi i will go over to the jukebox and play neil young right now if u dont stop

MM: JD youre wasting time yourself now

JL: right right

JL: so u arent going to be able to trick her into thinking u 2 are going somewhere else but

JL: but

MM: JD Ive never asked anyone out before Im not ready for advanced tactics here

JL: ok fine but never say where ur going

JL: keep it a mystery

JL: the idea is shes concerned with the mystery and when she solves it shes all like booyah and it makes the date better. so u gotta make sure shes gonna solve that mystery

JL: whats new scooby doo and all that

MM: and if she guesses the mystery

JL: just be noncommittal if she guesses right

JL: give a flat no to any incorrect answer and then give a maybe or an i dont know if she guesses right

JL: the maybe and the i dont know are in That tone of voice

MM: yeah I know That tone of voice

Razi420: I don’t mean to jinx it but I think this is the longest JD has a gone without making a joke.

DE: Wait, Razi, you, as a djinn, believe in jinxes?

JL: u might want to text her because if u build up the anticipation the payoff will be greater.

MM: JD I shouldnt text her I dont like personal conversations not in person

Razi420: Jinxes are a legitimate concept. I have plenty of data to back it up.

MM: but Im not even sure how to even start the conversation and get it leading up to asking her out

JL: mac ill let u in on a secret

JL: being smooth is 70% luck

JL: u gotta have quick thinking and all that

JL: but sometimes the right opportunity doesnt present itself and then u just gotta have an awkward transition

DE: Razi, jinxes are just coincidental, you point out something because it’s rare or you assume an unlikely outcome will happen, and when it falls through. You just say, “Oh, I jinxed it.”

JL: so mac, be ready to just go out and say would u like to go out on a date tonight

JL: i know that its not like that in the movies but thats closer to real life

MM: I cant work with “just do it” my brain doesnt like it

JL: u just gotta lean on ur natural charms

JL: ur going to feel really nervous so just lean into it

JL: be cute nervous

JL: she will love u cute nervous, mac

Razi420: Jinxes are like reverse wishes, someone says something and then the opposite effect occurs. The same powers are at work, but the etiquette of wish making isn’t followed, so the reverse effect occurs.

MM: I guess Im just worried she’ll say no

JL: shes not going to say no

JL: like i said theres nothing to do in this town

JL: but more importantly

DE: Mac, if all else fails I will help you out in anyway I can, you have my word. 

MM: Thanks Diego

JL: but more importantly you two love each other. shes going to be glad to talk to u no matter the outcome

DE:  And, Razi, when you grant a wish it tires you out, right? It drains some of your power.

Razi420: Yes, it does drain some of my power, but what does it have to do with jinxes?

JL: mac just remember that its going to go a whole lot better than you think it is going to go

JL: brains are just like that

JL: they tell u everythings gonna suck but surprise it rules

DE: The point that I’m getting at is that for a jinx to work, someone has to spend some power, so where does it come from, does it come from the wood that you must knock upon?

Razi420: …

Razi420: JD, you’ve been quite unlike yourself.

DE: No.

MM: I appreciate it JD

DE: Razi, you’re not getting away with it that easily.

MM: If Im being honest I expected to have to work hard to get info from you

DE: Razi, you can’t just deflect like that.

JL: im surprised that we didnt start a whole tangent on arrested development or something dumb

Razi420: Jinxes are caused by the stars, OK.

MM: you mean a tangent that everyone is involved in

DE: THats ridcuuloos

DE: *That’s ridiculous

JL: yeah

JL: but seriously

JL: I’m going to use grammatically correct sentences to express how much sincerity I have.

Razi420: I’m a djinn who’s friends with a vampire, a devil, and a werewolf who happens to be the sheriff of a town. We are not good judges of ridiculous.

JL: I just want you two to have a good time. You are coming to us for advice and I know that’s hard for you. You are making yourself vulnerable. I’m really proud of you.

MM: ... 

MM: Thanks

MM: It means a lot to me

DE: Why does JD get to be the one to say they’re proud of you?

DE: Shouldn’t that be for the person with seniority here.

JL: thats where ur wrong bucko

JL: the question here is one of gayness

JL: i am more dimensions of gay than u can possibly imagine

JL: thus i am the one whomst is allowed to delegate pride

DE: Also Razi, if it is stars, how does knocking on wood do shit.

JL: oh dam

MM: Now we know what gets Diego worked up enough to swear

Razi420: Photosynthesis uses light from stars, photosynthesis makes wood. Wood is directly related to starlight.

MM: But anyway thanks for the advice

DE: And here is the part where JD asks for a favor.

DE: Any minute now

DE: Also Razi, that is so patently ridiculous that I’m not going to debate about it anymore.

JL: Mac, you don’t owe me anything, just you two have a good time. If you two are happy, then I’m happy. That’s all..

JL: Also, if you claim I was helpful in anyway, shape, or form, I will deny it immediately.

MM: I expect nothing less

JL: i got a wild child image to keep up cant have this sincerity bullshit

JL: cool people dont have feelings right

JL: we just have leather jackets cool shades and smirks plastered on our faces

Razi420: Diego, if you refuse to debate about it, that means I win.

DE: iifwood is sending these tsingnals that means the signals would have to ravel fsaster than light to reach the starts and back with enough time to actually effet change

Razi420: Oooo, someone’s misspelling words, that means they’re angry.

JL: since everyone is here i think this is a good opportunity to do something ive always wanted to do

DE: The nearest star is over 4 light years away, how does it affect change on Earth.

JL: they use waves made of bofa rather than light

MM: JD

DE: You can’t get me, JD.

DE: I know this.

Razi420: what is bofa?

Several people are typing…