#loginceweek2023 | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

lily-janus · 1 year

Text

Why Would You Be Interested In Someone Like Me?

Summary: Logan and Roman want to ask each other out, but neither thinks the other would be interested...

Pairing: pre-romantic Logince

Warnings: kissing, insecurities, low self esteem.

Word count: 4,215

For @loginceweek2023 day 1 - Insecurity

-----------------------

The minute Logan walked inside the school building he noticed something was different. The place seemed emptier than it usually is before classes start… or so he thought until he heard excited murmurs and saw up ahead a big group of students huddling in front of the announcement board.

Logan sighed, knowing what this was about now. It's the end of December, meaning New Years is coming up this weekend… and, of course, the school hosted a party to celebrate. Not only that, but as if to make matters more stressful, there's a dancing competition too that everyone suddenly became so obsessed with winning at, that they stopped talking about anything else!

It was truly exhausting each year… for Logan, at least, everyone else always seemed perfectly happy and excited. Everyone, including-

"Specs! There you are!" Before Logan even had time to replay, Roman tugged his arm until they were both in the middle of all the huddled students. He tugged him along until they,, at last reached the front and he saw the poster featuring this year's theme. "Look! This year's theme is royalty!" Roman gestured excitedly to the poster.

Logan scoffed. "Yes, I can see that Roman." He pushed up his glasses, reading it over.

Logan failed to see why Roman was showing him this, since he knows full well Logan almost never showed up to these kinds of things and his deep dislike of such events. But Roman needed an audience for his excitement, he supposes.

"Oh, this is going to be so fun! I already have the perfect outfit in mind and I'm totally going to win this year! I can just feel it!" Roman grinned, hoping in place as the crowd of students slowly disbanded, leaving only Logan and Roman.

"Yes, well, you're not going to win anything if you're late to class… again, so I suggest we'll start making our way there." Logan pointed out, turning around and starting to walk to their classroom, expecting Roman to follow.

"C'mon, Teach, I know it's not your favorite thing but you have to be at least a little excited about this dance," Roman said as he fell into step next to him.

Logan gave him a pointed look, making Roman roll his eyes. "Right, mister top-student has more important things to occupy his mind than a silly dance," Roman said mockingly.

"I know you're mocking me, but yes, I do." Logan agreed.

Roman groaned in the exaggerated way of his. "How can you make even mocking you boring?"

Logan gave him a tiny, teasing smile at that. "Years of practice."

The day passed on in an unusual slowness, everyone once again starting to obsess over what they were going to wear and who they were going to invite, he was honestly starting to get a serious headache. It didn't help that he was best friends with the number one fan of these kinds of things.

"So this is the first outfit that I thought of…" Roman said, showing him a picture on his phone of a fancy king costume, complete with a ridiculously huge crown. "But after a while, I started thinking if this might be better…" he swiped to a picture of a prince costume, much tamer than the previous one but no less fancy for it, a white and gold dress shirt with a red sash going from the right shoulder to the left side of the waist and a black pair of pants. And, of course, a tiara.

Logan could already see Roman in that outfit, it suited his usual mannerisms perfectly… for some reason that mental image made him feel a tad bit warmer-

"So what do you think? Which should I choose?" Roman was looking at him expectantly.

Logan looked away, feeling a little flushed. "I think the second suits you more um… excuse me for a moment.." he got up from where he was sitting opposite Roman in the cafeteria and walked quickly towards the bathroom.

It seemed to happen more and more often recently, Roman and him would hang out like they did countless times before… and then, suddenly, Logan would start feeling… strange. It was highly confusing and Logan always found some kind of an excuse to run off and compose himself, but he has to admit it had gotten harder to avoid these strange emotions as time went on… but he didn't know what else to do!

Finally, the school day came to a close and he and Roman departed, each going to their house. Logan had decided at last on what to do regarding his… feelings, he shall ask for advice from his older brother, he has always been more capable of navigating these kinds of social interactions.

"Well, if it isn't my dear brother." His brother smirked at him when he entered.

"Janus, enjoying winter break I see," Logan said, hanging his coat and stepping out of his muddy shoes before stepping from the doorway and into the house, shuddering slightly as the warmth enveloped him.

"Quite indeed, how was school? I know you simply adore this time of year." Janus teased as he looked at him from where he was sitting on the couch, watching Netflix.

Logan sighed tiredly. "It was… tiresome, as always…" even more so than usual…

Janus frowned slightly, pausing whatever he was watching to give him his full attention. "What's on your mind, Lo?"

It was incredibly frustrating how easily Janus could read people, Logan especially. Most people consistently told Logan how stoic and unexpressive he was and so it always baffled him how Janus sees through him with ease.

Logan hesitated, true, it was his original plan to ask Janus for advice… but now… he didn't know what to say, a rare occurrence for him.

Janus' smirk widened at his hesitation. "Wait a second… Are you embarrassed? Oh, now I gotta hear it!"

Logan took a deep breath. "It's… about Roman…" he started hesitantly. "I've… just been feeling… strange, around him lately." He flushed slightly.

Janus' eyes widened in sudden realization. "Oh my-"

"You know what? Forget I said anything, this was a bad idea and I should just shove these feelings down and hope they'll go away." Logan suddenly felt uncomfortably exposed and wanted to hide in his room, but Janus stopped him, clearly trying to hide his smile.

"Wait, wait, sorry, I'll be serious now. It just… took me by surprise." Janus gently guided him to sit next to him.

"You and me both…" Logan muttered under his breath.

"So, you have a crush on Roman," Janus said after a beat of silence.

Logan sputtered. "I… what? That's… that's not what I said! The mere suggestion is ridiculous!" He protested.

Janus rolled his eyes. "You're right, of course, how silly of me."

"Incredibly silly." Logan agreed, still flustered by Janus' statement.

"So, what, pre-tell, are these mysterious feelings you've been having around your best friend?" Janus asked with a sarcastic tinge.

"Well… I would suddenly start to feel… warmer than I was, mainly in my cheeks, and my heartbeat would increase like it does when I'm nervous but… we've been friends for years, why would I be nervous around him?" Logan wondered aloud.

Janus let out a deep sigh. "I sometimes forget how oblivious you are, are you even hearing yourself?"

Logan frowned, was he missing something? "What are you-"

Rising body temperature, increased heart rate… oh no…

"I have a crush on my best friend." Logan suddenly realized. "Janus, I have a crush on my best friend," he said again with a panic. He shook his head. "No, no, no. This is bad, this is worse than I thought! What am I supposed to do?!"

Janus chuckled, grabbing him by his shoulders. "I suggest you'll calm down first."

Logan nodded taking deep breaths. "Yeah, you're right, no reason to freak out, I know what to do now."

Janus nodded.

"Ask him to the dance."

"Avoid him until it goes away."

They stared at each other. "Wait, what?" They said together again.

"Ask him to the dance? Have you figuratively lost your mind?!" Logan sputtered at the mere thought… He and Roman, dressed like royalty… dancing. His cheeks warmed again.

"Yes, because avoiding him forever is very realistic. But if you want to take the cowardly way, be my guest." Janus rolled his eyes, waving his arm in a dismissive gesture.

Logan sighed, rubbing his eyes underneath his glasses. "Maybe you're right but… asking him to the dance? You know I don't fare well in these kinds of social events…"

Janus gave him a small smile. "But you do want to go with Roman, don't you? It's worth a shot."

Logan nodded, considering. "Okay, yeah, maybe I do but…"

Janus raised an eyebrow. "But?"

"But what if he says no? Or worse, says yes? He's… well he's not just my best friend, he's my only friend… I don't even know why he hangs out with me half the time. He could go with anyone he wants… why would that be me of all people?" Logan rubbed the back of his hand furiously as he voiced his concerns.

Janus took his hands, squeezing them reassuringly. "He hangs out with you because he likes you, Logan, you'll never know if you don't try. If he says yes, great, you'll have a fun evening of dancing together. And if he says no, it may take a while but you'll go back to being friends in the end."

Logan thought this over, this is all very new to him, and he's scared of messing things up with Roman and ending up alone… but, Janus was right, he'll never know if he won't ask.

After a few more minutes of consideration, Logan nodded. "Can't believe I'm saying this but… I'm going to ask Roman to the dance… not scary at all…"

Janus chuckled again, patting his back encouragingly. "That's the spirit! And if he breaks your heart, I already have an incredibly tall staircase to nudge him off of." He winked and got up from the couch. "Go get him, tiger." And with that, he walked to his room.

"My name's Logan…" he said, but Janus was already gone.

-------------------------

"Remus, stop it, I'm not going to ask him," Roman said for what felt like the millionth time as he was making adjustments to his outfit. He reached his hand beside him, "gold thread."

Remus handed it to him as he groaned. "But why? You've been mooning over him for years!"

"Because, Remus, he made it very clear he hates this dance and I don't want to pressure him to go, red thread." Remus put it in his waiting palm. "I can ask him out when this blows over."

"Really? Then why didn't you do it yet huh? You're just a big coward is what you are." Remus huffed.

Roman dropped his needle and turned around to face his twin. "I'm not a coward, I'm a romantic, I'm waiting for the right moment-"

"Which is now!" Remus argued, throwing his arms in the air in exasperation. "Maybe he hates this dance so much because no one ever asked him! Did you think about that?"

Roman huffed. "Yeah, like Logan, of all people will care if he gets asked or not, just stay out of my love life okay? I can handle myself."

Remus rolled his eyes. "Trust me, I'm dying to, but it's kind of hard when you fucking don't stop talking about him! Just ask the damn guy out! It's not that complicated!"

"Trust me, now is not the time to ask Logan out, he's always in a bad mood this time of year with Christmas and New Years and the school dance, I just don't wanna add to his plate-"

"Blah, blah, blah. Excuses, excuses. You always find a reason why 'it's not the time' just man up and ask him already! I don't understand why you keep avoiding this!" Remus cut him off. "You know what? I don't care! Ask him, don't ask him, throw him off a cliff for all I know! Just stop whining about him like a little bitch!"

And with that, Remus left his room, slamming the door behind him.

Roman looked over at his outfit. He imagined what Logan would have chosen to wear if they went together. Probably something tame and serious, maybe a suit that'll hug his frame tightly-

He shook his head, it's not going to happen since they're not going together. Even if he'll ask and Logan will agree, he won't have fun there… it's just not Logan's style.

Remus was right though, he was kinda… maybe, avoiding this. But can you blame him? It's Logan for heaven's sake! Sure they've been friends since practically day one but why would serious, confident, smart Logan ever go out with someone as insecure and um… expressive as him?

Roman is pretty sure he'll say no, and then what? The chances of them staying friends after that are pretty low…

But what if he says yes?

He fantasized about this scenario plenty, of course, but he just doesn't see it happening in reality. So…. He's just been avoiding the topic.

Besides, Logan has been acting… strange, lately. Running off at random times with a rushed excuse… not meeting Roman's eyes… he fears maybe he doesn't want them to be friends anymore, maybe he finally had enough of Roman's theatrics and just doesn't know how to tell him that…

Roman sighs, folding his outfit carefully and putting it in his closet. He can't wait to go to this dance and forget about all this for a while, maybe he'll even win the contest!

But, as his mother called him and Remus down for dinner, he couldn't help but wonder what it'll be like with Logan… rather than without…

----------------------

The following morning, Logan was walking to school.

That alone was far than unusual since he did that each weekday morning since first grade, the things that raced through his mind as he walked though… now those were highly unusual if not down right delusional.

Was he really going to do it? Ask Roman Prince out for the school dance everyone knows he hates? What was he thinking? He must be going insane, it's the only logical explanation as to why he's considering this…

And yet… and yet he can't help but get nervously excited at the prospect. The idea of him agreeing and them going together made Logan feel… warm, was the only way he can describe it, inside.

If he doesn't however…

He shook his head, just as he stepped into the hallway, there's no use dwelling on that… he'll just um 'shoot his shot' as they say and see what happens, afterwards he'll figure out how to deal with the outcome.

Logan nodded to himself, mind decided-

Until he saw Roman.

At the sight of his best friend, and apparently his major crush at the moment, all thought fled from his mind and he just stared for a long, embarrassing moment.

Luckily, Roman's back was to him so he hadn't noticed Logan yet.

He can't do this.

Logan suddenly realized as Roman finally turned to him and smiled, waving at him.

Logan forced himself to smile back, walking over to him to greet him.

"Good morning, Teach!" Roman grinned at him with his dashing smile.

Logan nodded at him. "Morning, Roman, how are you today?" He asked as they started walking.

"I'm super! Getting ready to rock this dance! How about you, Lo?" Roman answered excitedly.

At the mention of the school dance, Logan's stomach churned.

Ask him.

Said a voice in his head that sounded suspiciously like his older brother. Logan took a deep breath, looking around at the bustling hallway.

Here? In the middle of this huge crowd?

Logan shook the thought away. No, not now, he'll wait until they're both alone.

"...Specs?"

Logan snapped back from his pondering to find a concerned Roman looking at him expectantly. He blinked. "Yes, Roman?"

Roman frowned at him. "Are you okay? You're acting… strange. Are you sick or something? How many times do I have to tell you, the world won't end if you miss a few days of school to get better!" He stopped walking, looking Logan up and down.

"I'm not sick, Roman." Was all he said in response.

"Then what is it? You're starting to worry me…"

Just say the words, it's not that hard!

Logan swallowed. "I um… I was just wondering if you… I mean, if you wanted to um…" he fumbled with his words, getting increasingly more flustered.

"Logan, it's okay, whatever it is you can tell me!" Roman reassured him. Of course he did, he was always sweet like that.

Logan still hesitated, playing with the sleeves of his shirt as he was trying to find the courage to ask him.

Suddenly, Roman turned and walked to a nearby classroom, checking to see if it was empty, then motioning Logan to step inside. Closing the door behind him.

"Okay, just us now, what's wrong?" Roman asked again.

This is it…

Logan took a deep breath, stealing his nerves. "Roman, I wanted to ask you if…" he closed his eyes, irrationally unable to look Roman in the eyes. "Would you want to go to the dance… with me?" He finally managed to say, opening his eyes slowly.

There was a long moment of silence as Roman processed the question. He blinked in surprise. "Wait… what?"

Logan sighed. "Stupid idea, I know, forget I said anything-"

Roman takes his hand, grinning. "Yes! Yes, of course I want to go with you! I just thought you didn't like this dance." He explained.

A wave of relief washed over Logan and he smiled, lacing his fingers with Roman, his palm was so warm. "Well I'm certainly not a fan but… I feel like I won't mind it as much with you…"

Suddenly Roman pulled at their joined hands until their foreheads touched, his warm breath fanning over Logan's face. "I wanted to ask you out for so long I just… didn't know how." He said softly.

Logan flushed at their proximity and Roman's words, eyes drawn to his lips. "Really? I didn't think you'd be interested in someone like me…"

Roman chuckled at that. "Funny… I thought the same thing…" He looked down, taking a step back but keeping their hands together.

Logan took a moment to process that. "Wait… you thought I won't be interested in you? I'm pretty sure everyone in school is, how can they not?" Logan said, blant as always.

Roman looked up, blushing deeply. "I… I don't know… you're so smart and confident and perfect and I'm… not…" he shrugged.

Logan couldn't believe what he's hearing, of course he knew Roman was more insecure than he lets on but this? This is absurd!

He squeezed their joined hands. "Roman, you're my best and only friend. Sure we're very different but that doesn't mean I don't enjoy being with you. You're smart in your own way, you're sweet and caring and charming and of course I would be interested in you, I don't understand why you think I wouldn't but-"

And, before Logan knew it, they were kissing, sweet and gentle. Logan felt himself melting at the intimate touch, for once losing touch with reality as the sensations overwrote his senses.

They broke apart to catch their breaths, looking at each other, both of them flushed.

"So ah… dance?" Roman asked hopefully with a shy smile.

Logan shook his head, chuckling. "Yes Roman, dance." He clarified.

Roman gave him a sly smile that turned Logan's blush a deeper red. "Do you have an outfit in mind?"

Logan's eyes widened. "Oh no, please not-"

"Makeover time!" Roman declared with a flourish. "Come to my place after school and I'll fix you up in no time! Now come on, classes are about to start!" With a spring in his step, he led them out of the empty room and towards their first class of the day.

"Maybe the dance wasn't the best idea…" Logan said, but Roman just laughed.

"Too late! Get ready, nerd, you're about to become a 'fancy nerd' !" He accompanied the last phrase with jazz hands.

Logan rolled his eyes, but couldn't help but smile at Roman's… Roman-ness.

Him and Roman… going to the dance… together… this is really happening huh?

Yes. Yes, it was happening.

The rest of the days following their first kiss should probably have been a clue that this was indeed very much real and not some elaborate dream, but it was still hard to believe even with all the hard evidence.

After Logan finally worked the courage to ask Roman out, things moved rather quickly. That day after school he went with Roman to his house and they spent hours trying on different outfits and styles on Logan, trying to find something that'll fit Logan and the dance theme.

They finally settled on a royal blue coat with golden buttons with a white dress shirt underneath and matching blue dress pants. Complete with a gentle tiara with blue fake gems and-

"No." Logan said when he saw what Roman held up for him.

Roman pouted. "What's a king without his cape?" He said. "C'mon, the outfit's not the same without the finishing touch!" He wiggled the cape enticingly at him.

Logan rolled his eyes. "I feel ridiculous enough already, thank you."

Roman bit his lip, looking Logan up and down once again, he did that so many times even Logan stopped counting. "Ridiculous is not how I'll describe it."

Logan flushed but still shook his head. "No capes."

Roman whistled. "Gee Teach, pulling out the Pixar references. Have it your way then." He finally relented, putting the dark blue cape aside. "I think we found your look regardless."

Logan nodded, going to the bathroom to change to his normal clothes and go back to his house.

As he was heading out, Roman suddenly planted a brief kiss to his cheek. He pulled away and grinned. "See you tomorrow!"

A little stunned, Logan just nodded and walked outside.

Before Logan knew it, the day of the dance came.

"C'mon, let me see you, your highness"

Logan heard Janus' teasing tone from the other side of the door. Why was he doing this again? He wondered as he looked at himself in the mirror once more.

He felt utterly ridiculous and uncomfortable in the stiff outfit and his cheeks burned as he imagined Janus' reaction to seeing him in this.

"I… think I might be getting sick, it's flu season after all… maybe I should-"

"Nice try, Logan, you're not getting out of this that easy." Janus cut him off.

Logan sighed. "Fine, just promise you won't laugh?"

He heard his older brother chuckle. "I make no promises, but it's either that or be late to your precious date…" Janus pointed out.

Logan pinched the bridge of his nose, he was right, damn him but he was right.

He took a deep breath, then twisted the door handle and walked outside. He barely blinked before he heard the click of a camera and saw Janus with his phone at the ready.

"Perfect." Janus smirked at him, taking a few more shots of him.

Logan rolled his eyes. "Great, you got your blackmail material, can I go now?"

Janus chuckled again, doing a mock bow. "Be on your way, your royal highness."

Logan huffed. "You're impossible." He muttered as he walked past him and out the door.

"Love you too, Lo!" He heard him call after him.

A short walk later, and he's at the school dance, looking around for Roman nervously. He could feel everyone's eyes on him and knows what they're most likely thinking:

Logan Sanders, top student and hater for all non-serious things, attending the dance with the most ridiculous outfit in existence…

A hand on his shoulder makes him jump and turn around sharply, only to freeze on the spot at the sight that greeted him, feeling his cheeks heat up.

Roman chuckles at Logan' jump, eyeing him up and down appreciatively… and looking like a prince straight out of a fairytale book. With his dashing smile, the white dress shirt laces delicately with gold and red threads, a red sash going across it from the left shoulder to the right side of his waist and a pair of black dress pants that hug his frame snugly.

Logan swallows as Roman smirks at his staring, biting his lip. "What? This ol' thing?" He indicated his outfit. "I just threw it on me at the last minute."

"I… um… You look… Adequate." He finally managed to say.

Roman raised an eyebrow playfully. "Just 'adequate'? That blush says otherwise."

Logan flushes darker at that, looking away from Roman's gorgeous green eyes.

Roman chuckles, hooking his hand in Logan's. "You're too cute for your own good, care for a dance?" And with that, he was pulled to the dance floor.

To Logan's surprise, the night went… really well, and he actually managed to have fun even with his awkwardness and everything.

Being here, with Roman, just felt… right.

#sanders sides #logan sanders #roman sanders #janus sanders #remus sanders #janus and remus are done with roman and logan's pinning lol #pre romantic logince #logince #loginceweek2023 #day 1 - insecurity #Lily writes #this came out way longer than intended heh #hope you all will like it #cw kissing #tw low self esteem

60 notes · View notes

vinbee631 · 1 year

Text

Family Ties

Logan used to have a hard time expressing his emotions. His new family ensures this changes. (For the better, I may add.)

writing these logince fics has been so much fun! i can't believe I'm almost done with all of them!

thank you all for the support on my last couple posts. it means the word to me, and it's crazy to me that there are several humans that have read all the silly little words I mash together and neglect to proofread

anyways!! this work is connected to day 4: winter, so you may have to read Welcome to the Family to understand some of this

enjoy! (the prompt for day 6 is hopes & dreams also)

Logan had been in college for eight years.

It was strange to think about, all that time (and money, as well. Even with financial aid, college was unreasonably expensive) he had spent to get to this point. In two weeks, he would graduate with his doctorate degree, and he wouldn’t ever have to step foot on a college campus again if he didn’t feel so inclined.

And yet, this very thing he had worked for, the commitment he poured his soul into for eight years, was overwhelmingly anxiety-inducing.

He had no idea what he was going to do. Oh, not with his career. He had already been job searching and starting applications that he needed his doctorate certificate to finish. However, the idea of leaving behind an atmosphere he had accustomed himself to for so long was ridiculously daunting.

He had become an adult here. He pulled his first all-nighter during freshman year finals, and it was followed by an incredibly unhealthy amount in the next seven. He made some of his best friends here, friends he had trusted enough to drink in front of for the first time when he turned 21. He got his autism diagnosis mailed to the apartment he still lived in two years later.

He came out here.

He lost contact with his biological family because of that, and gained an entirely new family as a result, not necessarily while he was at college, but during that timeline, so it counted in his opinion.

That was perhaps his fondest memory of all those he had made in his time tied to his school. Roman and his siblings, cousins, aunts, uncles, and grandparents had been so welcoming to him from the very beginning, and his love and trust in them had grown stronger than ever through the years.

Even as he endured all the teasing from them when he and Roman finally decided to start dating three years ago.

It was a very stark contrast from his biological family’s reaction, but he wouldn’t have it any other way.

…His family.

Logan had tried to distance himself from thinking about his biological family ever since they disowned him, but the three of them had been extremely close up until that fateful day. Coming out had gone… poorly, and ever since then, the complete loss of contact has been jarring.

Perhaps jarring was an understatement. His mother and grandpa were the most important people in his life up until he was 22 years old. They’d raised him, fostered his love for astrology, helped him with even the hardest of classes, and paid for his first four years of college in full.

Then, Logan told them he was gay, and they threw him away like he’d never meant anything to them in the first place.

Logan sighed, shaking himself. It was too early in the day for this many mental tangents.

Perhaps he should call someone.

To anyone else, this would be strangely out of character. Logan had never been one to willingly talk out his feelings. Another thing his biological family had given him, always being closed off, opting to deal with personal problems quietly and alone.

After spending about 10 seconds with his new family, it was clear none of them had ever operated that way.

They shared everything with each other. Good news, bad news, funny news articles they’d found while doom-scrolling, anything they could. It took Logan some time to get used to this, but now, it was instinctual to be comfortable sharing what was on his mind.

And now, he did a lot more infodumping as well, something he had never been allowed to do with his biological family.

Yeah, the separation from them had taught him a lot about the reality of how good his biological family had actually been for him.

Subconsciously, as he had found himself mentally trailing off, Logan had called Gram.

“Well, hello, dear. It’s been quite a long time since you called me. I was beginning to think we’d never speak again.” Logan snickered at the teasing. He’d called her two days ago, but he was quite used to her dramatics and had picked up quite a bit of her sarcasm himself.

“Hello, Gram. I didn’t imagine I’d ever see the day where you, of all people, complained about having a conversation, but I suppose there is a first time for everything,” he jested back.

“Oh, leave an old woman be, I was just surprised. I figured you’d be busy with all the graduation preparation or whatever it is they make you poor kids do nowadays.”

“Gram, college is not that much different than when you were a kid. But no, my schedule is rather free for the next few days. And… I have missed you, quite a bit.”

“Oh dear,” she mumbled gently, fondness overtaking her tone, “you are far too sweet to me. I’ve missed you as well, darling. You’ve had a long couple of months, haven’t you?”

Logan nodded, then quickly realized his mistake. “Ah, yes, I suppose so. I suppose it has been worth it, though. The only thing I would change about all this is allowing myself some more free time for my family.”

“Entirely too sweet, Roman has been a terrible influence on you,” she joked. “Now, what’s going on?”

Logan blinked, taking a long moment to process her question. “I’m- not sure what you mean? I have a completely free day today, so I called to talk to you, as I have done many times before. So, nothing is going on other than this conversation?”

“My bad, darling. That was a bad way of phrasing it. I meant: what’s wrong? I can tell when one of my babies is upset, and it’s pretty clear, hon.”

“N-nothing’s wrong, Gram. I... I mean, it has been a long week, but nothing out of the ordinary. I am doing just fine,” he replied smoothly, sneaking in as much of a smile into his voice as he could manage.

Logan could hear her head shake through the phone, and not just because of the audible rustling. “You’re testing my grandma senses, dear? Trust me, I dealt with Roman in his slumps. I know how to tell when someone’s hiding a problem from me. Especially you, considering all the time it took to convince you that sharing is alright. I mean that nicely, by the way, I care a lot about you feeling alright.”

“Thanks, Gram. I… suppose it is a bit complicated to explain.” He didn’t elaborate further, cutting himself off with a long sigh. Was this really how he wanted to spend his valuable time talking to one of his closest family members?

“I have an idea, if you’ll hear me out. Why don’t you come up for the weekend. Roman will be here too if you’re not up for talking with me this time. He’ll want to see you anyway, and so do I.”

Logan thought it over. He didn’t have any classwork. Really, the only reason he was still near campus was because he’d already made his final housing payment, and he intended to use the space for as long as he owned it. If he left on Friday, he’d get plenty of time with Gram and Roman, and whoever else happened to be there, and still have the opportunity to leave on time to get back to his minimal responsibilities on Tuesday.

“...Yeah, I’ll be there. It will be… nice to talk things out in person. And to see you, of course.”

“Oh, you, such a flatterer. Worse than Roman, I swear. I’ll be looking forward to seeing you, hon. Love you big bunches.”

“Love you big bunches as well, Gram.”

…

The weekend came far too quickly, and yet not fast enough. Logan was anticipating the time with his boyfriend and family, but the real reason for his visit had been looming over him all week.

He knew it would be good to discuss what was bothering him. That did not make it any easier to look forward to doing so.

The four hour drive passed as fast as a blink, and Logan realized with an achinly fond smile that Gram had been waiting on the porch for him.

“Get over here, baby,” he heard her call as soon as he closed the car door behind himself. She met him halfway, wrapping her arms securely around his waist and inching up on her tiptoes and nudging Logan to bend down so she could kiss his cheek.

“Hello there, beanstalk. I’ve not missed this height difference, but I did miss you. You’ve been so busy, I’ve been lucky to get all those weekly calls.”

Logan chuckled. “I wouldn’t mist those for anything, Gram. I’ll always have time to talk to you.”

“Don’t remind me, I’m sure I know that,” she reassured. “I recall a good handful of those calls prefaced with a warning that you were at work or driving to class, or whatever else it was that made you so busy, you wild little multitasker.”

“Says you,” Logan teased right back as she ushered him inside. “Every time I come over, you’re cooking six things at once and in three separate conversations. I’d argue that’s much more impressive multitasking.”

“Flattery,” she laughed, pinching Logan’s cheek, “but as much as I love to tease, that’s not quite why you’re here, now is it?”

“Well, of course not, it’s because Romam is coming tonight, and you’d hardly miss the opportunity to tease us together under one roof,” Logan replied innocently, making her chuckle again.

“Oh, you are terrible. I would never do such a thing! Except, perhaps I already have. Alright, stop distracting me! I had a point, and you have become a worse instigator than your boyfriend,” she chided, nudging him along to the living room and onto a couch right next to her.

“Now, I won’t push you outside of what you’re comfortable with if you’re not up for this right now, but even over the phone, it was obvious you’re having a hard time. We can talk things through now, or wait for some other time, or never if you’d rather talk things out with Roman when he gets here. Or, a surprise fourth option, I guess.”

“I’ll take door number four,” Logan deadpanned, his false glare breaking with Gram’s laughter. “No, I… suppose I should talk things out. It won’t do any good to let them fester.”

“At least one kid listens to my lectures,” Gran shook her head, gently squeezing Logan’s hand. “Ignore my whining. You talk whenever you’re ready, dearheart.”

Logan took a deep breath, squeezing her hand back. Despite all the ruminating he’d already done, it was considerably difficult to figure out how to express all those pesky emotions he’d been dealing with.

Eventually, it all just spilled out. It started with his biological family, how the memories had been creeping up on him now that he was finally going to be moving on from the last connection he had to them.

Next, it was losing that connection, losing his home of eight years to graduation. He was still confident with his job choice and the ease of getting one of those, but the act of leaving… he was terrified.

There were other things as well, his returning, paralyzing fear of failure creeping back as he began to transition into something new. There were a few jobs he had considered applying for that he had to stop considering because of their terrible policies for the disabled. Not that he needed many accommodations, but an institution such as those would likely not be welcoming to an autistic individual.

And after all the work he’d put into acquiring this job, he was not about to settle for a place that would not make him feel human.

By the time he had gotten everything off his chest, and shed a few tears in the process, it had been… a while. At least an hour, likely more. Gran had been attentive the whole time, offering nonverbal support and comfort as he vented.

God, he loved her so much.

Once he was feeling calmer, a byproduct of the venting and the love his grandma had been pouring out to him, she tugged him along to the kitchen with a smile.

“Instead of making you sit through a saccharinely sweet talk about how much I love and support you, and whatnot, we’re gonna bake cookies. Sound good?”

“I would not be opposed to the love and support but yes, cookies sound fantastic.”

Gran whacked him gently on the arm, the smirk peeking through betraying her true feelings. “Quit being cheeky, you absolute menace. Here I am offering my home to you and giving you all the support you deserve, and you treat me like this in response? The cruelty! Whatever happened to respecting your elders?”

Logan laughed, and in an impulsive but familiar move, leaned down to wrap her in a firm hug. “Thank you. I… I needed this, more than I think I realized.”

“Oh, of course, Lo. Anytime, I-” Gran cut herself off with a smile. “Enough from me. You’d better go and say hi to your boyfriend.”

Logan perked up immediately, ending their hug with a final squeeze before rushing out the door to meet Roman as he hopped out of his Uber.

“Logan!! Oh, my precious starshine!” Roman exclaimed, throwing down his bags to scoop Logan off the ground. Logan giggled, nudging halfheartedly at Roman’s hold. “Roman I am taller than you, this is obscene-!” He cut himself off with a squeak as Roman began to spin him around joyfully.

“If you drop me I will never forgive you!!” Roman laughed joyously in his ear, but he did noticeably tighten his grip on his boyfriend. “Worry not, light of my life! The only thing I’ve ever dropped is my jaw at the sight of your lovely face!”

Logan resisted the urge to roll his eyes, smirking fondly at Roman as he was set down. “You are perhaps the clumsiest man I’ve ever met, forgive me for doubting the validity of your statement.”

Roman gasped loudly, a dramatic move Logan could recognize from a mile away. “You- don’t believe me? Your own partner? Would I ever lie to the loveliest man in existence, the force of nature that keeps my very heart beating? The slander, in my own childhood home! You disparage me, starlight!”

“You are incorrigible, but I suppose I knew that when I signed up for this,” Logan continued, laughing at the over-exaggerated gasp that was so forceful it made Roman cough.

“You win this one Tall, Dark, and Handsome. C’mon, let’s go in. Gram’s probably got a whole laundry list of teasing remarks at the ready, the old sap. Emphasis on the old.”

“Be nice!” Logan chided, huffing at his boyfriend’s antics. “Your grandmother is a saint, and to imply that the first thing she will do at the sight of us is jest is a slanderous oversight. I cannot believe you right now. She’s already teasing us right now, under her breath, testing out which ones sound the best.”

Roman wheezed, nearly buckling over as he walked. “You- you have a point, beloved. Forgive me for such an oversight. Now, let’s head in to hear what she’s planned for us, yes?”

…

The rest of the day continued similarly. Logan eventually ran out of conversation spoons just after dinnertime, and spent a few hours in his guest room destressing. Around ten that night, he wandered down the hall to Roman’s room, curling up with him on his bed.

“Welcome back, dear. Feeling calmer?” Logan nodded, shifting closer so he could kiss Roman’s cheek. ‘Much calmer, thank you, sweetheart. How are you?”

“Oh, a bit stressed about the upcoming show but hey, that’s just life. Also, Gran snitched on you, so I’m gonna awkwardly transition into bugging you about that now.”

Logan groaned, hiding his face in Roman’s chest. “Awful, terrible family. Why did I ever sign up for this? You people are so cruel to me.”

“Not as cruel as them, I can assure you of that.” Roman had meant it in a teasing manner, but Logan couldn’t help but wince. It was perhaps a bit too soon to be joking about something like that so soon after he figured out all his feelings.

“Ouch, that was in poor taste, wasn’t it? I’m sorry, beloved.” Logan shook his head, leaning up for another kiss. “Not your fault, I suppose it was a bit funny. I’m just… “I let them control me for years, and I didn’t even realize. They were so… harmful to me, but they were the only people I had. It… it was so hard to realize that all that time spent idolizing them was time wasted. And, I don’t think I’ve ever completely moved on from it, which is terrible. They don’t deserve it, even if they are just thoughts.”

“First of all, you are allowed to grieve over losing them as much as you need. No, they don’t deserve it, but you deserve to process what they did in a healthy way. And yeah, the things they’ve done were terrible, but it wasn’t time wasted. You truly did love them, and they taught you so many things that make you so special. It’s not time wasted, it’s just… time you had to spend to get to us.”

Logan blinked, pushing away the sting of happy tears. “I.. suppose you have a point. I know I need to process my grief healthily, I just wish they didn’t make that so difficult. They… I almost wish they would have made it more obvious that they were terrible people. They hid it behind so much positive and healthy behavior, it can be hard for me to remember that they are bad for me.”

Roman sighed, rubbing a hand across Logan’s back, sending shivers through his body. “I know, darling, it is very complicated. It can be hard to deal with all the gray space in the black and white of talking to someone or cutting them off entirely. But, no matter how positive some of their influences were, you’re so much better off here. I hope you can remember that.”

“I am trying,” Logan decided, “and I know I will get there. It just… I want to be able to block them out forever as they did to me, but I’m not sure I’ll ever be capable of that.” “You don’t have to push yourself to forget them entirely, but I can understand why that would be desirable,” Roman reassured. “You have dealt with all of this incredibly well given the circumstances, and you have accomplished so much. Hell, you’re graduating with a doctorate this year! You’re amazing, Lo, and if they can’t see that beyond the hatred, then it’s their loss.”

“It truly is,” Logan agreed, “especially since it means they never get to meet you.”

“Aww, come here, precious.” Roman grinned, hugging his boyfriend so close, Logan could feel his boyfriend's heartbeat pulse through his own body. “You’re incredible. I am so proud of you and the things you have accomplished. I am so confident in you, and I know this change is going to be hard, but you’re gonna embrace it just like everything else.”

“Ah, she really did snitch on me, huh?” Roman nodded solemnly, still holding his boyfriend as tight as he could manage without actually hurting him. (Logan loved this, he had been encouraging Roman to help him with pressure stimming for years, and his boyfriend always agreed.)

“I can’t say I’m surprised, but… I’m not upset that she did. Talking about everything again would be way too many spoons for one day.”

“Well, if you do need to talk more, I’m always here, my love. You are so important to me, and anything you need, I can provide.”

“The same to you, dearest. Now, it is getting late, and I know you’re going to be up early working tomorrow. Sleep with me?”

“I wouldn’t have it any other way, starlight.” Logan smiled, kissing him gently on the lips before pulling the covers up around him. He truly was lucky for every single person in his life. Even his biological family, he supposed.

Without them, he never would have received the kind of love the Reyes family would be outpouring to him for years to come.

He and Roman fell asleep tangled in each other's arms, and Logan only dreamt of love and happiness.

#sanders sides #sanders sides fanfiction #roman sanders #logan sanders #logince #orignial character #original female character #hurt/comfort #abelism #homophobia #logan goes through it tbh #family feels #healthy family dynamics #and unhealthy ones as well #but then logan gets all the love and a pretty boyfriend #so suck on it homophobes :)#loginceweek2023

22 notes · View notes