#look i just think he’s sooooo 🛐🛐🛐

[hellaephemeral]

[moonjxsung]

pls brain either keep doing mini skz fics in my dreams or stop altogether bc every time i wake up from one i can’t think straight😪

and frrr with religious trauma!! my religious trauma doesn’t even revolve around my fam forcing religion on me but like everyone else around me. my mother in law is super catholic and im not baptized so for like a year or two in our relationship she was trying to get me to get baptized. and in a way i’ve always thought of doing it bc of my guilt but i don’t want to do it by force, yk?

so yeah i guiltily love stories that contain blasphemous aspects!! (juno has an anon that wrote priest!hyune🛐). so almost having sex with changbin at a church was top tier. i still think about it all the time. i also dreamt that i dryhumped jeongin at a church once at minho’s orders🛐🛐🛐.

and let’s be honest!!! jisung would love blasphemous sex bc bro is the biggest freak (idk if he’s religious or not bc he’s made like references about jesus and has a jesus shirt) so it’s either a humor thing or religious but either way he’d love it but maybe with a lil guilt too. i think you’d write a fantastic blasphemous sexy story but i get the apprehension as well.

past lives is so good! im so glad your mom enjoyed it! i cried sooooo much as well. it’s such an interesting story. and so beautifully written and directed too. (my bf spent the whole movie saying yoo teo looks like an older version of taehyung and i cannot unsee it).

and i am also so keeping up with 🦢🧡🌙 and star drama and im living for it. my fav long-term storytelling.

the fact that you said that you’d read a dissertation from me, im crying. ilysm bb💜

-🐈‍⬛

No I totally get that! It should be on your terms and whenever you feel ready!

TW below the cut: long blurb about my impending religious trauma 🫶 (seriously if anyone struggles with religious trauma please proceed with caution lol)

I struggle so bad with religious ocd which is strange because I grew up attending church and I was baptized AND confirmed into my church so I was a very active participant and my parents never forced anything on me, but in college when I began questioning specifics and taking lots of science courses I became like a raging atheist and I would get so annoyed whenever religion was brought up and I just shut it out completely. Navigating my sexuality and just being a young adult and not understanding religion/feeling very detached from it was super difficult. And then in sophomore year of college was when I began getting really bad religious themed intrusive thoughts (I won’t bore you with the details) but basically I began developing ocd rituals that began to take a toll on my physical health and I was hospitalized twice for it and put on medication for about 5 years (I stopped about one year ago now!) and I felt like it was God punishing me in a sense. For 2 years straight I could hardly leave my house without feeling like I was under the watchful eye of a higher power and I would keep a BIBLE in my purse, it got so bad that I quit my job and almost took a year off college just to to engage in my ocd rituals 😭 luckily I had a really good support system so I got intensive therapy and I was really close to a writing professor of mine who was very understanding about it and encouraged me to write about what I was feeling so I have notebooks full of my 5 year struggle with religion and it was just…….. not fun LOL

Luckily I’m much better now (I still struggle with it, just not to a debilitating extent!) and I think that’s where a lot of the attraction to blasphemy comes from, because I already have been funneling my religious guilt into writing for so long and I already write smut after being so sexually repressed as a result of my medication (and fear that god was going to punish me for exploring my sexuality) so I think combining the two would be a fairly easy task. I’m always just worried that if I spiral again I’m going to equate it to my writing and blame myself 😭 BUT if you guys ever see themes of religious guilt in my writing, that’s a little backstory to it because it’s a huge part of my personal identity and I think it’s going to follow me around forever. ALSO THE JISUNG BIT…… I could so see him in a blasphemy themed story, he so gives off church crush vibes 😭😭😭😭 my brain is FUZZY I may very well have to write something about it 👼

I still need to get around to watching Past Lives BUT it seems so good and tragic from what I’ve heard!! I personally love media with sad endings too, it just scratches an itch on my brain 😭

Also thank you for keeping up with 🧡🌙🦢 drama we are a chaotic MESS right now……. I think I’m technically cheating on so many of my virtual partners right now (I still love u all) but their silly little messages keep me going fr

I love u so much pookie!!!! Also of COURSE I would read a dissertation by you it would be FANTASTIC like all your messages always are 👼💓🩷💕 I hope you’re having the best day ily ily