#lshgurhgurhgurhgurjhgkdbbggrmjbgdfmbgdfmgn

[wagooglet]

the emoji movie

right. i paid fifteen fucking dollars to see the emoji movie. here are my thoughts on the absolute fucking horseshit that was the ‘emoji movie’.

- when gene and high five first meet jailbreak, they have no time for proper introductions because they’re being chased by bots. they end up in the candy crush app. suddenly, jailbreak knows both their names? despite not having any formal introduction aside from “me and my friend need help from a haxor”. i mean, i get assuming what high five’s name is, but.. gene’s? so, yeah.

- they drop this random feminist line in. gene says something, and jailbreak says something along the lines of “men taking women’s ideas and taking credit for them”. never again, throughout the entire movie, is this elaborated on. the emojis never properly react to it, nor is it brushed up upon. 

- at one point, gene bumps into some emojis (who i forget because they were not in the slightest memorable), and in the most western voice, says “oh, konnichiwa”, and it’s fucking ridiculous

- there’s also a bit where gene walks up to a clock emoji, asks what the time was, and the clock says “my eyes are up here”

- they never once elaborate on how many other malfunctions there are. even IF they did, the anti-virus bots zoom in on gene’s dad. he’s a malfunction- why didn’t the bots destroy him when they were out to destroy all malfunctions

- smiler dies? how? she gets crushed by a robot, but she still has enough time to say something. when the phone comes back from being deleted, neither she, nor the robot are there, despite everything else being restored.

- you have to go through strenuous amounts of effort to restore deleted phone data. deleted shit. the kid just unplugged his phone from a computer and got all his data back.

- there is a lot of sexual tension between gene/jailbreak, and the poop emoji and steven. i’m just saying.

- the movie goes on about taunting kids for using emojis all the time, but at the end of the movie, the emojis... save the day? so what was the movie’s real aim, then?

- the just dance woman was probably the most tragic death in the entire emoji movie

- there’s a dance scene at the end, and i broke out into a fit of hysteric crying because of how fucking ridiculous the poop emoji was animated in that scene. it was absolutely terrible.

- they milked the whole ‘internet troll’ trope try. at one point in the movie, hi-5 and the internet trolls are in this trash can. the internet troll keeps telling him that no one cares about him, and then the high-five gets rescued. as the high five’s getting saved, he keeps going on about how he believes in himself, yada yada. they make this joke in the movie at LEAST three times. 

- the only good things i can applaud the movie on is that jailbreak was probably a lesbian, and the movies inane ability to make it seem like for-fucking-ever. like, we were just 20 minutes into the movie, but it had felt like 2 hours.

- literally any of patrick stewart’s lines, except for “this is a bit too far”. any of them. i feel so bad for that man, actually

i’m not quite sure what to tell you. the movie theatre was deathly quiet for. most the moive, and it was filled with children. i don’t think i had a genuine laugh throughout the entire movie. it’s really only entertaining when you’re on a lethal amount of benadryl. please don’t waste your money..j...j just read an online review or pirate it