#made myself a rule that i can't repeat authors but like. so many people on this list are good and have other excellent works

[erstwhilesparrow]

double life fic recs

organized by session! (i.e., fics under session 4 will have spoilers up to and including session 4, fics under session 5 will have spoilers for session 5, etc.)

session 1:

these old ghosts; Thunderbirds_and_Lightning - Team Rancher Pacific Rim AU. Brutally sad, but also features: a terrific action sequence, gorgeous prose, unspeakable grief about Flower Husbands, and incredible jaeger and kaiju names.

the right thing; sparxwrites - Cleo and Scott talk the night after the first session. Short and tender and sort of a character study for all of Divorce Quartet despite the other two not being there. Joe Hills, despite also not being there, is a significant presence, which I think really elevates the whole experience.

session 2:

all is fair in love and war but i can't fight with you anymore; wizardlover - Scarian angst with a happy ending. Scar isn't stupid and also he should be allowed to go apeshit. The author is correct on both counts about this. Works out to be very sweet. (Psst. This author does great Scarian just in general -- it is worth checking out the other works in the series this fic is in!)

Detail of the Fire; canarydarity - Team Rancher hurt/comfort, patching each other up after the fire. This one feels a little like walking slowly through an art gallery -- lingering on beautiful / stately / lonely images. Inspired by a Richard Siken poem and does fun things with excerpts from the poem.

those were kinder times; SurrealSupernaturalist - Team Rancher Actually-Ranchers-Not-In-A-Death-Game AU! They escape to a farm and go on a healing arc that is nearly 10k words long. Incredibly sweet, domestic, and warm, plus angst about Jimmy as Omen of Misfortune.

session 3:

[When BigB returned from his rendezvous with Grian,]; orangeocelotmartyn - Ren and Bigb go red and figure out that this isn't going to work. They eat golden apples about it. Very good for Bigb and Ren talking about their relationship! Parting ways basically amicably! Realizing the soulmate thing is bullshit and they can and will pursue what they want!

under my skin?; Sixteenthdays - The soulbound pairs discover that their partnerships are literally, physically changing them. Features snapshot scenes from every soulbound pair as they attempt to cope with this change to varying degrees of success. A total delight all around.

you're the fool, i'm just as well; honeyblock - Pearl gets sick. Scott attempts to soldier through the effects this is having on him to deal with her. Contains: really fun / creative / piercing turns of phrase, Scott and Pearl doing that thing where it feels like they almost understand each other and then everything falls apart again, soulbonds being upsetting.

to catch a secret soulmate; wormcity - The entire server gets looped in on an attempt to find Bigb's secret soulmate. Bets are made, shenanigans are had, the sitcom energy is through the roof. Incredible character voices, and also just generally really fucking funny.

rainy day; whatcaniwriteinthis - It's a rainy day on the Double Life server, and people are waiting it out, or finding ways to occupy themselves, or reflecting on the game so far. The narration style is lots of fun, and it perfectly captures the vibes of hanging out somewhere during a torrential downpour in the late afternoon.

session 4:

[Once a week, the double life players each get one phone call to someone in the outside world.]; dmwrites - The Double Life players make off-world phone calls after session four. They gossip, or pass along life updates, or share blueprints for death machines. Hilarious, and also makes me so goddamn sad about ZombieCleo.

Soulmate-Things With Other People; savannah_owl - During the Homewreckers's pool party, people sneak off in pairs to, shall we say, hang out without their soulmates. There are good times had all around. Features relationships from Third Life, Hermitcraft, and Last Life. (savannah_owl also just has a bunch of really good Double Life fic? Worth taking a look!)

session 5:

hit the ground running; jelliegiggle, rosycheeked - Scar and Grian have a talk at Bigb's grave. Bigb is not, of course, physically there, but it is very much a fic where someone's absence is distinct and palpable. Really really good Desertduo Being Sad And Complicated And Intertwined.

session 6:

[The room is a dim basement room.]; theminecraftbee - Pearl and Scott have a bad time. Superhero AU, featuring a clandestine meeting between two people who hate each other and have no one else who will ever know them the same way. Months after reading it, I'm still obsessed with this one.

and by resilient i mean which holds; TheYesterdayShow - Martyn and Cleo have a bad time. Canon divergent: Cleo and Martyn survive to the end, and wind up talking about what they were supposed to mean to each other and what happens next. Absolutely brilliant characterization for both of them.

sugar, we're going down swinging; BananasofThorns - Etho and Joel have a-- Wait. [checks notes] Okay, honestly, they seem like they're having a fine time. Canon divergence where after outliving every other pair, Boat Boys fight to the bloody death. It's incredibly pretty and perfectly paced.

[eternalwanderer-stories]

Perhaps this is an unpopular opinion, but still.

Many are afraid that the second season will not meet their expectations. It's logical that the authors won't follow what the fans want. I know the rules of this game well: you don't build any expectations – you don't end up with any disappointments. But despite this, I myself have two expectations – the interaction of Viktor and Jinx (seriously, Vi and Jayce got a whole scene with a cool soundtrack in the first season, and my beloved babygirl and my beloved boy did not get any scenes together, where is justice?) and scenes where Viktor would work on creating a Blitzcrank (I want it so much, you can't even imagine). But judging by the trailer that came out, I'm unlikely to get any of this.

But actually, more than all this, I'm afraid that the authors will just confirm some of the ideas of the fans. You know, those same ideas, similar to tropes from fanfiction like: Silco suddenly rises from the dead, Ekko begins to travel through time and in parallel universes because everyone eventually died and he tries to turn back time, Vander is actually the real father of Vi and Jinx and by the power of his daughters' love from Warwick turns back into human again, Victor resurrects Skye, and Jinx and Ekko arrange a lavish wedding in the end, everyone lived together and happily as one big family and all that sort of thing.

Is it cool in fan fiction? Yes, why not, that's what they're made for.

Is it cool in the show? I do not think so.

Arcane in the first season maintains a very good tone and a very good narrative atmosphere. It would be a shame if this tone suddenly changed unexpectedly in the second season.

I don't want Arcane to repeat Voltron's fate. Whoever was or is still in Voltron's fandom understands what I'm talking about. For those who do not know, I will tell you briefly: Voltron: Legendary Defender was released in 2016 and immediately fell in love with a huge number of people, receiving an unprecedented number of laudatory reviews. Cool characters, an interesting and well-developed plot, the series instantly became an audience favorite (it was not elevated to the rank of masterpieces, like Arcane, but it was very close to it). Almost everyone heard about him, talked about him, wrote about him, praised him. However, closer to the final season, everything changed. And then there was a leak (a familiar situation, right?) – footage of some plot twists from the final season has been leaked to the Internet. Not as big as Arcane's, but critical for those who didn't want to know in advance how it would end. Most of them, of course, refused to watch them. But there were also those who looked, and they instantly turned into those annoying people who whined all the time about how bad everything was going to be. And then the final season came out and it was very bad. A number of absolutely catastrophic decisions that the screenwriters made were more like it was written either in a drunken delirium, or the creators sat all night and read fan fiction on the Wattpad, drawing ideas from there. The characters' characters were strange, their actions were illogical, the whole narrative was madly in a hurry, on the contrary it was too long where it was not required, attention was not paid to really important storylines – simply put, there was no trace of the good early seasons, and the ending absolutely did not work as it should. Comparing the initial seasons and the final one, it was hard to imagine that this was the same series, it differed so much in quality (although, to be fair, there are many who accepted all this and liked it – no kidding, I'm glad for you, but I remember too vividly how much I was disappointed).

So, I don't want Arcane to go the same way. There is SO MUCH going on in the new trailer that the question comes to mind by itself – how can you adequately fit all this into 9 episodes? Maybe it's really just pointless and stupid worries, but the first season was so good that it's doubly scary now.

I don't want the story to suddenly turn into fanfiction in Wattpad.

(I remind you that this is a leak-free zone. Please, if you have watched the leaks, no need to spoiler in the comments or in reblogs).

[mermaidsirennikita]

Top 10 Reads: Q1 2023

Wow, the first quarter of the year is over! I hate being here, but we're still alive and when you're still alive there's still hope and yada yada yada. Keep breathing!

This is probably the longest I've gone without a reading slump. I feel like part of this is due to personal progress, as slumps often correspond with mental lows for me, but part of it also likely due to me embracing audiobooks. Curse everyone who said I'd like them being right the whole time!!!

Anyway, I liked a lot of books over the past three months. In fact, I loved many of them. For my monthly wrap-ups, I don't limit myself; I just list every book I rated 4/5 or above. Here, I challenged myself to stick to the ten that made me happiest. Some of them... are not out yet. But hey, what're you gonna do?

My only other rule: no repeat authors, and no listing them in order. I think I do have a #1 favorite out of these books, but I don't want to rank novels in order of preference.

Hotel of Secrets by Diana Biller.

Dude. This one took me by surprise. I'd never read Diana Biller before, and I was blown away by the richness of the setting--late nineteenth century Vienna--and the attention paid to the cast. A lot of good romances don't have great supporting casts; this one does, and they add to the fabric of the love story.

But at its heart, despite the somewhat ambiguous title, Hotel of Secrets is a true blue, swoony romance between a jaded woman consumed by keeping her family's hotel afloat, and a virginal spy who's always been able to keep feelings at arm's length... until he rescues her. Several times. The build up of tension between these characters is hot, it's romantic, and it's just so fucking satisfying when it boils over.

Lush Money by Angelina M. Lopez.

The best contemporaries are the ones that go full daytime soap, in my opinion. And by God, does this book go balls to the wall daytime. A ruthless billionaire heroine! A prince hero with a genius IQ and a devotion to GROWING GRAPES. A sex/marriage/baby deal!

This book has a lot going for it--a truly unique, "problematic" heroine who can't make herself commit to love, a slowburn punctuated by how intensely hot and heavy our leads get within the first few pages, and such a strong sense of the telenovela that you can vividly picture it playing out in your head. (Except. A lot more graphic than most telenovelas. Shoutout to the scene where our hero gets caught with his head between the heroine's legs. By the paparazzi.)

Mafia Madman by Mila Finelli.

Who was I before reading Mila Finelli? I don't know, and I don't care. Every book in her Kings of Italy series is an absolute killer (about killers) and you should read all of them ASAP. But Mafia Madman, for me, is the creme de la creme. It immediately soared into my top favorite reads ever, and I've had to physically stop myself from picking up my paperback and rereading my favorite scenes again.

It's just got everything--an absolutely insane hero, a heroine determined to break him as much as he's determined to break her, sex scenes that will melt your brain, and a deeply, highly satisfying grovel that gave me everything I could have asked for. For all that it's over the top and sexy and deranged, at the core of this story is two emotionally injured, twisted people finding each other... and realizing that they can't avoid being vulnerable with one another. No notes!

Then Came You by Lisa Kleypas.

I could have also included Again the Magic here, as I read both this year--but I wanted to stick to one. Then Came You is such an unsung hero of Kleypas's backlist, and not just because it features Derek Craven: The Early Years (though that is certainly a bonus--he's such a sad little baby in this one). The hero bUYS HER A BEAR in this book. Plus light bondage! What more can you ask for?

Then Came You is the kind of classic enemies to lovers story that built the foundation for Kleypas's later enemies to lovers classics like It Happened One Autumn. He's cold and mercenary and stubborn in his refusal to love, she's passionate and rebellious and the only person who can get under his skin. This woman literally shows up to a ball dressed to look like Eve--naked, but with a snake running up her body. And does he lose his shit the way you want? Even more so, actually. Not for nothing, but the setup is that he's courting her sister and she's trying to ruin the match. Yes, it does do that much, much better.

The Dragon and the Pearl by Jeannie Lin.

If there's one thing reading Jeannie Lin taught me, it's that Tang Dynasty China is the perfect setting for historical romance. The heavy rules of etiquette, the political strife to raise the stakes, those stakes forcing a capacity for ruthlessness. Here, she gives the perfect villain romance--bringing back the hot, scarred warlord just in time for a kidnapping plot that will render him completely emotionally overcome for a badass heroine.

But our heroine isn't a sword-wielding badass. She's a former emperor's concubine, renowned for her beauty and perfectly cultured. She wins with mind games and charm, and she's all too aware of how dangerous her hero is. The book is the story of two iron-willed people bending for each other, and falling prey to the worst thing that can happen to a couple of badasses: LOVE.

Something Spectacular by Alexis Hall (out 4/11/2023, full review to come).

I've become a huge fan of Alexis Hall's approach to historical romances. They're funny, they're super queer, and they are very, very romantic. Something Spectacular piggybacks off the laugh-a-minute Something Fabulous, giving us a story that is even more unique to the subgenre, and just a bit angstier, with a couple of nonbinary leads who connect over living in the gray of their binary society, before forging an emotional connection that.... did make me cry.

I also want to call out how hot this book is. One thing I've noticed about queer historicals especially is that they often sort of... soften the sexuality of their characters. Cut the passion in favor of good vibes. Which I get! But here you get the angst and you get the longing and you get exactly why Orfeo is renowned for their skills (beyond singing) across all of Europe. God, they're... a lot.

The Secret Lives of Country Gentlemen by K.J. Charles.

You know, initially I rated this book a 4.25/5, which is a very strong rating for me. I think I will actually go back and raise it, because I can't get this book out of my head. It's the marshy setting, the criminal element, the rich cast of characters, the "fine?"/"FINE!" push-pull of Joss fuckin' Doomsday and Gareth, a flop who is as relatable as he is messy.

Plus, the setup of this book is so original? Our heroes meet before it really kicks off, become hookup buddies, part on bad terms without knowing each other's proper names, and reunite when one is blackmailing the other in a court of law? Throw in a heavy dose of family drama, hot Illicit Affairs, and so much secondhand embarrassment I could've maybe died on the spot, and you have a winner.

Pippa and the Prince of Secrets by Grace Callaway.

This year, I got into Grace Callaway--and I'm so glad I did! Her books are fun and adventurous and super sexy... sexy in a way a lot of historicals aren't right now, unfortunately. They embody what I want out of a historical romance: high stakes love with a bit of wackiness and a hint of humor, plus bodice ripping.

What makes this book a bit more than all the others for me is the emotionality. All of Grace's books that I've read have emotion, but Pippa and Cull have true bittersweet angst. They knew each other as young teens; they had a near miss; and in the intervening years, they both endured such real trauma and loss. Pippa is more world-weary than many of the other Callaway heroines I've read, and Cull worships her but is also so deeply afraid of being rejected by her. When they get down, they get DOWN, but when they're emotional with one another there's an aching tenderness to it. Also, he has a flute and a gang of child soldiers. So it is wacky.

The Notorious Lord Knightly by Lorraine Heath (out 6/27/23, full review to come).

Lorraine Heath's Counterfeit Scoundrel began her Chessmen: Masters of Seduction series in a way that was elegant and romantic, but not quite as insane as a standard Lorraine Heath. I wondered if she was toning it down a little. Well, wonder no more, because her next release has the high drama we love from Lorraine, as well as great, passionate romance between two people who loved each other five years ago and love each other still.

What makes this book is the interplay between a hero who is truly, deeply sorry and truly, deeply in love, and a heroine who wants to hate him so badly but just can't bring herself to put her heart into it. There's a Secret (or several) and there are laughs--but the plot of this one is less Big Plot and more fabulous character work and hurt feelings and sore hearts and I loved every word of it. Lorraine Heath just knows her fucking shit.

The Queer Principles of Kit Webb by Cat Sebastian.

I'd read (and greatly enjoyed) The Perfect Crimes of Marian Hayes; but this book is where the magic happened for me In Sebastian's Highwaymen series. Put together a snarky lordling and a smitten--if rough around the edges--ex-highwayman, plus sex and class commentary? You have a winner.

Cat Sebastian's books are always funny, but this is, like, Benny Hill madcap hijinks funny. They're always emotional, but the wounds here somehow hit deeper. They're always smart, but the social commentary in this one is both clever and real. And you have the classic "they're in love but he's too hurt by the world and life to admit it", which is always a banger. So, so good.

[yourtrekker]

Suicide 101

Welcome to the confession of a passive suicidal!

The thought of my demise has been with me for nearly 3 decades now. Since my teen age years, I have been entertaining the idea of 'killing myself'. For me, it is such a sweet reward to end life in this cruel world. Though I never had the courage to plan or attempt it, I always carry the idea that one day if things go south again, I will plan my way out.

Through out my 20s, different life events prompted me to think of ending my own life. It became stronger when my grandmother, who raised me, passed away. Her absence filled the creeping desire to end my life. Back then, I firmly believe that it is a 'sin' to realize the idea of suicide. However, meeting different people, hearing different views and opinions about life in general, and experiencing life my self, made me question about life, suicide, sin, and everything around it.

Now in my 30s, my economic status has changed. It improved, yes! I am grateful for everything. But, I faced different life challenges (the adult kind), which made me cling on the idea that when I can't bear it any longer, I would just do it. Compared to my previous issues, it became slightly better that I am able to earn and access adult money. I know better on how to escape the sadness and loneliness in my life. There's retail therapy, where you buy small (sometimes big) things to fill the void in your day or your life. There's also food! I indulge myself into self and instant gratification allowing me to forget a bad day and alas another day added into my life that I wish never existed.

Obviously, I am still here, breathing, and typing this essay of so called confession. Despite the 'catchy title' (I thought), I am not here to teach how to do it. If I am the one writing it, I may be the most unbelievable author because surely I haven't done it. There are many ways but none of them I dared to try, perhaps, because even if my mouth is blabbing about wanting to commit 'it' my subconscious mind still wants to live. Maybe that's what you call 'basic instinct'. But it would still be all about suicide. The journey of someone my kind, the 'passive suicidal'.

They said there are four types of suicide -- egoistic, altruistic, anomic, and fatalistic. Egoistic is the absence of social integration. Altruistic is to sacrifice one's own life to fulfill an obligation. Anomic is the lack of social regulation that occurs during the high levels of stress/frustration. And, Fatalistic is for when someone is placed under extreme rules or of high expectations.

I guess I am more inclined with egoistic suicide. I am just so tired of participating in this world. You wake up, work, pay bills, occasional fun, face problems, and then repeat. I don't want to be in another 3 decades feeling like 'zombie', yes you're animated but not really living. I really don't like the idea of surviving a day. In my head, I always find myself asking, why do I have to survive each day, each trial when I didn't even choose to be here? I always question my creator that if I have the desire to end it all why did I even have to be here in the first place. It is the most baffling irony one person has to come face to face with.

Another thing I wish to share to the world, especially Christians, is that we always say heaven is real. It is paradise. It is a place free of anything negative. It is a life free of worries, fears, loneliness, sadness, inequality, and the list can go on and on. But, why can't we choose to go there now? Why many of us fear death of our own even of our loved ones if we truly believe we are all going to such place? Or, are we just really trying to appease ourselves that in the long history of mortals we tell all sorts of things that can alleviate our suffering in this cruel existence?

I am envious whenever I see people fighting for their lives. Those with overflowing determination to see tomorrow. They are mostly renaissance men of their own who wants to prove the world they possess the right to live in this world. Sometimes, people with pure innocence just there standing vigorously living. Whilst, there's me ready to give up my life, easily giving it all away to anyone who would ask for it, and always feeling unfit to be part of this world.

I still believe that God is real. God is love. God is good. In my heart of heart I know I truly believe. Which is why I also learned through times to just let things unfold. Life has a way of leading our paths to where it should flow anyway.

I am not sure for how long I could hold myself together. I am not confident I could always choose to live one more day. But, whoever you are reading this, hey you, we're in the same shoes. Similar, maybe not the same, but we are still here. And we've survived all of yesterdays that we thought we won't. That's all I have to say.

#yourtrekker 🐧

[shiratorizawa-can-step-on-me]

Jealousy

(CTTRO: @YHURI ANGELA REYES)

orginal writer/author : @kedreyuri 💖

Yandere Shirabu Kenjirou x Fem reader

GENRE : YANDERE / ANGST / TOXIC <

ONESHOT <

"Who's this Echizen Sukira"

You flinched as Shirabu, your boyfriend asked monotone as he examined the phone's contact number.

"Sh-she's my co-worker at the office.."

He raised a brow not convinced on your statement.

"How would I know if this 'Echizen Sukira' is really a 'She'?"

"C-can't you tell by the name? She has a girl's na-"

Shirabu slammed his hand on the table you two are sitting on.

"Nonesense, Do you know where you are? This is Japan! This is Tokyo! Many of japanese men in here has a girl's name!"

You couldn't do anything but listen.

He scolded you for a while before muting himself to scroll further down on your phone's contact.

"I'm deleting it."

That Echizen Sukira is really your lady co-worker. But Shirabu just doesn't believe any of what you said especially if it's about you.

He handed your phone and locked himself in his room.

'Maybe he's studying medical Doctor's book again'

You thought in relief you'd be able to avoid your boyfriend even for a while.

He was just a middle school crush of yours.

You confessed to him and with your surprise he felt the same way about you.

However as days went by, his true personality is leaking slowly.

How he became overprotective

How he avoid you to people who can you steal your attention away from him, specially to a guy.

How he seize almost everything that makes you happy.

How he can be possessive at times when he's jealous. Or maybe even become violent when he reached his limits.

This relationship is Toxic. You wanted to end it but Shirabu never agrees but he just gives you punishments in return.

"Mine"

Lingers in your ear, as you heard him banging his things inside his room.

He's on rampage.

'Fuck'

He's mad.

But after minutes later he stopped.

That moment you took a peak at your phone seeing all your saved numbers from people close to you including your friend, workers, former colleagues and more are completely swiped deleted.

Only one number saved.

'Kenjirou♡'

His number was left.

You felt your eyes gets blurry but quickly brushed it off when you heard a door creak coming from his room.

You sniffed and hid your phone on the sofa's hand.

"From now on, my number is the only one allowed to be saved from your device. Remember that Y/N."

He said without hesitation

Which you replied with

"O-okay.. sure"

You were too scared of what he might do to you when you disobeyed him.

So you've got no choice but to follow.

"Come here."

He reached out his long arms for you.

With a wide smile. One of the reason you've fell for him.

You want to run and hug him tight and just cry it all out.

But he was the reason why you're so afraid.

"Don't make me repeat myself."

With that you're in his arms nuzzling deep onto his chest.

He tucked at the back if your ear the strands of hair blocking from your face.

He cupped your cheek and lifted it for you to face him.

He smiled.

"Look me in the eye you know, I love you.. right?"

That sentence made you wanna laugh at his face.

'Love? This is not how you show your love! This is abuse Kenjirou! You're doing all of this against my will!'

You wanted to shout it at him

But afraid of the punishment you'll face.

"I- I love you too"

~~~

In the morning you too had to go to work.

Him as a Doctor.

You as a Regular worker at a development building.

"I'll see you later, hun"

He kissed your forehead before leaving.

You felt sad you weren't with him, you wish you two worked together.

That's a lie. A fucking lie.

You were so happy when he wasn't around, feels like you can freely play at the playground without any rules to obey.

You dressed up as well and headed to work.

Hours later,

After finishing the papers assigned to you.

Again you felt tired. But not because of the job you had.

Because again you'll deal with Shirabu.

You really wish you could stay here for long. Just don't go home again with him.

You closed your eyes for a good rest but was disturbed when your phone vibrates.

▪Message from: Kenjirou♡

~°•You're done with work right? I'll pick you up. Be there in minute.•°

-----------

You sighed heavily and head outside to wait for your boyfriend.

But not so far on waiting you heard a familiar voice afar.

"Isn't that Y/N-san?

Y/N-san Hisashiburi! (Long time no see)"

You tilted your head to the side seeing Semi Eita your former schoolmate back in Shiratorizawa High.

You waved your hand and he greeted you with a tight hug, exclaiming he was so happy to see you again.

But as soon as he hugged you, you broke apart without your consent.

By grabbing your wirst fimrly

"K-kenjirou..!?"

You looked at your back seeing Shirabu in a white gown with used white glove on his lower pocket on the side.

He's face was dull mad.

Incredibly but you know he's still hilding back.

He shoot Semi a death glare when the ashen blonde grabbed your other wrist.

"Hey no fair Shirabu, I know yoy're her boyfriend but can't you atleast me catch up with her?"

"With what?"

Shirabu answered bluntly as he turned to face him.

"About things since she left colledge. You've been with her ever since because you're her boyfriend. You knew what happened and I'm curious so I'd like to catch up, come on shirabu! Don't be selfish!"

Semi whined as he kept pulling you near him.

"If you knew that I'm her boyfriend then why don't you let go? It's very inappropriate to held a girl's hand without her boyfriend's consent"

Semi raised a brow at his former teammate.

And let out a nervous chuckle still not letting go.

"What's wrong with you Shirabu? It's not like I'd do anything to her-"

"Shut up! Why can't you understand that you can't touch her?! Why don't you get the fact that I'm getting uneasy with you two alone?! You won't do anything? Well guess what, I don't trust you!"

Semi was shocked at Shirabu's loud and angry statement.

He unknownly let go of your wrist and laughed.

Making Shirabu more irritated.

"Pff.. so that's how you are, when you're jealous Shirabu"

Your boyfriend was urging to punch the ashen blonde but you pulled him hugging his arm and pleading to let it slide.

The rage on his eyes, melted down as he saw how scared you were.

He clicked his tongue before turning back

And dragging you along.

~~~

"K-kenjirou! Pl-please don't do this!!"

You screamed in a frightening tone as you stepped back hitting you back at the flat corner of the kitchen.

Shirabu, was approaching you slowly with a scalpel on his hand.

Suggesting he should carve his name on you to let everyone know you're his.

You feel down on your knees as kept backing away even tho you're stuck at the same position.

You still didn't stop begging him to let it go.

You're boyfriend was hard to convince.

He roughly grabbed you by your elbow and lift you up to his reach.

He pinned you against the wall by setting his knee in between your thighs.

His face was merciless, you knew you couldn't escape but never stop begging him.

He scanned your body before removing his gown on the way.

He left the blue T-shirt and blue sweatpants on his body.

He eyed your left wrist that was held by Semi earlier.

He grinned wickedly

"Ah, I should sign that wrist.. ut was held by a filthy hand earlier"

He grabbed it and leaned closer to his touch.

He started to carve the first letter.

K

You bit your tongue as the sharp scalpel were trailing to your wrist, holding you scream.

E

You shed tears as he kept scribbling his name. You were starting to let out a painful whimper and squirms.

N

You couldn't hold it any longer so you opened your mouth wide and screamed as if your life really depends on it.

J

You're starting to pull your wrist away but Shirabu would only deepen the scalpel making it bleed and hurt more.

I

You danced in pain as he mercilessly continued.

R

His name was really quite long so you tried again to pull but he narrowed his hand making his grip tighter to bled more.

O

You shouted cries, wince, and words at him like

"I'm so sorry! Kenjirou! Please! S-stop!"

"I'll never do it again! Please j-just stop!"

But neither of those he listened.

U

At the last letter finally you thought was over he thrust the scalpel deeper an inch away to your pulse, making scream louder than ever.

He never scratched any veins nor touch your pulse. He knew you'd die which he never wants to happen. Just a punishment.

You gasped for air rapidly as he stared at his work. Proud.

He smirked looking at his bloodied name carved on your sensitive skin.

He put the little knife away and carried you bridal style.

He gently kissed your forehead as you just cry in pain.

"I'm sorry hun, but it's also your fault.

I know it hurts but bear with it."

"I-I thought I was gonna die Kenjirou..!"

You have no more energy to shout more.

So it came out in your mouth like a weak puppy.

"Don't worry I won't kill you.

Look me in the eye, you know I love you.. right?"

You lift your head up wearily and stared at his eyes.

His dull brown eyes that is full with painful love.

Reposted with permission 😚✨

I just had to, cause I love this fic!

thanks again @kedreyuri !

[maraharme]

How are you coping with am everything and everything else in your country? Please tell me you are ok snd safe for the most part.

Hi

I'm fine, I'm safe, but it won't be for long. RuZZia will soon drag Belarus into the war. Atomic-nuclear missiles and bombs have already been brought to our territory - there will be a provocation, as Hitler provoked Poland to start a war (history repeats)

We have complete lawlessness going on, every day, like a lottery - whether you come home today or not. If you haven't heard, we have a policeman here, on vacation, shot a 16-year-old boy in the leg. Nothing to the policeman, and the boy - an article for hooliganism. And he was just sitting on a bench outside and playing with his friends. I have a question - there is a strict rule that says that when you go on vacation or retire, you NEED to hand over your weapons. So why the fuck is this son of a bitch, in civilian clothes, walking around the city with a gun and shooting at CHILDREN???? Unfortunately, no one will answer this question for me.

It's scary, but we Belarusians have been living like this for 30 years, but I'd be lying if I said we were used to it. No, we're not used to it. And no, we are not silent and do not sit in corners, as many write in the networks, especially Ukrainians. We also fight the Rashists at our own risk. Let me remind you that I have already written that since May 29, the police and all law enforcement agencies and authorities can just shoot at us, referring to the fact that we are allegedly terrorists. Well, you understand with the case of that boy.

I am offended that there are still people who devalue our exploits, our actions. I would be interested to see such people if they found themselves in our situation - when one part of the population is tortured to this day in prisons, another part was sent for compulsory treatment (where they are made into vegetables) and the third part left the country. So-so picture turns out. And this is not counting the number of dead and missing.

I do not know how else to stay in my mind. Perhaps because I'm trying to somehow distract myself from reality by reading books and watching fantasy movies. Otherwise, I would have been consumed by great anger and resentment for my people and my country - and this is bad, you can't lose your humanity!!! Of course, when terrible injustice and lawlessness are happening nearby, it is very, very hard.

But I don't give up, in any case - I know how to shoot an arrow 😂🏹

Have a nice day 🤗💋❤️

[firstumcschenectady]

“The Fabled Wisdom of Solomon” based on 1 Kings 2:10-12 and 3:3-14

(Image: Lamp of Wisdom, Waterperry Gardens, Oxfordshire, England)

What I wouldn't give for the wisdom of Solomon right now. I've prayed for it already, lack of asking isn't the issue. Life feels like a series of unanswerable questions. “Is this safe?” “Is this wise?” “Is this fair?” “Who does this exclude?” “Whose needs does this meet?” “How do I create balance?” “Whose needs do I prioritize?” “How can I find a middle way?” “How do I manage risk? As a person? As a parent? As a pastor?” “What are the risks of NOT doing the thing?” “How do they compare to the risks of DOING the thing?” “How worried should I be?” “How courageous should I be?”

I'll stop. It's probably unpleasant to hear already, and truthfully those are MOST of the questions, they just repeat a lot. Furthermore, these are variations on the themes of everyone's questions, maybe with a little bit more pressure on those making decisions for others or for groups.

We're nearing 18 months of pandemic based impossible decision making. I'm also nearing 15 months of parent based impossible decision making, which has led to SO MUCH more respect for every other human who parents or offers caregiving. (I already had respect for those things, but my respect has increased exponentially.)

I find myself thinking about presidents who wear the same thing every day, or offload trivial decisions so that they can keep their capacities for the important stuff. I remember articles about how our decision making capacities are finite, and I think about how incredibly overwhelming it has been to be in this “new world” where everything carries risk and every decision is suddenly BIGGER.

And I want to be Solomon. I want to be blessed by God to be wise. I want God to give me “a wise and discerning mind.” I want to know what to do!!!!!!

But even as I say this, I realize that I have projected onto Solomon and on to this blessing from God a supernatural sort of wisdom and discernment. I've read this story and assumed that Solomon always knew what to do, and was always right when he decided. But, I don't actually BELIEVE that. That would be superhuman.

(Also, if that were true, then the kingdom of Solomon likely would have outlasted … say … Solomon because he would have been able to fix the underlying issues and pick a good successor.)

Which means that the Bible has just served as a very good inkblot test for me to realize that in the midst of incredible uncertainty, certainty would be superhuman. (Or dangerous. That's another way this can go.) I yearn to feel good about decisions, but that's not possible right now. I yearn to feel confident as I decide, but that isn't possible right now either. I yearn, truthfully, to pass my authority off to someone wiser, more prepared, better read – but no one knows the struggles and the questions I face quite like I do, so there isn't anyone to pass them to.

John Wesley's “Three Simple Rules”: “First do no harm, then do all the good you can, and stay in love with God” have never seemed so hard to work with!

To keep the challenging more challenging, people judge each other on decisions. I can't remember the last time I had a conversation that didn't involve either 1. someone who had to make hard decisions struggling with what is right OR 2. someone who doesn't have to make the decisions frustrated with those who made them. I hear clergy and bosses worrying over safety procedures, balancing risk tolerance with the will of the body with the needs of the vulnerable. And, at the same time, I hear others complaining on ALL sides.

I'm definitely not Solomon, but I want to offer to all of you some of the models and tools I bring to discernment, under the assumption that we're all bogged down by the weight of all these decisions. Welcome to a pragmatic sermon. ;)

In terms of the pandemic itself, I've been really grateful for an idea I heard put into words in the NY Times in June of 2020.

Manage your exposure budget

Risk is cumulative. Going forward, you’ll need to make trade-offs, choosing activities that are most important to you (like seeing an aging parent) and skipping things that might matter less (an office going-away party). Think about managing virus risk just as you might manage a diet: If you want dessert, eat a little less for dinner.1

During a pandemic, every member of the household should manage their own exposure budget. (Think Weight Watchers points for virus risk.) You spend very few budget points for low-risk choices like a once-a-week grocery trip or exercising outdoors. You spend more budget points when you attend an indoor dinner party, get a haircut or go to the office. You blow your budget completely if you spend time in a crowd.2

This has been super helpful. I often call it the “risk budget.” We all have different risk tolerance, and we have different things we particularly value and need. I hear from many families with kids that day care or school are imperative to someone in the family's well being, and so they do it. But then their risk budget is spent. I hear from others that going to work and being exposed to a whole lot of people is already an over extension of their risk budget, and they fear bringing something home to their kids, so they don't do anything else.

I'm mentioning this right now, because people without kids or other unvaccinated people in their households have had an increase in risk tolerance, and aren't always seeing how carefully others have to manage their risk budget. And, for some in our community that means not coming to worship – even outside, even masked, even distanced – because even that TINY bit of increased exposure is more than the budget can handle.

It isn't really a FUN thing, a risk budget, but it brings a model to something otherwise incredibly overwhelming. Deciding on each individual activity separately is simply too much for any of us, so a budget gives us a guideline on how to make decisions. It also reminds us that we're working with different budgets and different expenditures, and none of us need to judge how someone else makes their decisions.

Not quite the fabled wisdom of Solomon, I'll grant, but a tool nonetheless.

Another simple tool is one I've mentioned before. “Daily examen” is a prayer process. It is quite simple. You center yourself, ask for God's help, review the past 24 hours, identitfy when you felt most alive and connected with love, identity when you felt most disconnected from life and love, thank God for the best the worst and all that's in-between, and either share that information with another person or write it down. It is entirely too easy to zombie our way through life, especially in the surreal pandemic times. But taking the time to be reflective helps us learn about life, ourselves, God, and what we value. It helps us learn what we need to change, and what we actually love about our lives as they are. This is the single best discernment tool I know, although it is most useful for BIG HUGE decisions that can be made over an extended period of time.

My final “simple” tool is one of those deceptive ones. It is simple, in ideas, but it is much harder in practice. It is: trust God to be working in and through you. That is, notice when something feels off-kilter in you, and trust that it is significant and matters. THIS is the most subversive thing I'm saying today. Trust the wisdom of your body as being connected to the wisdom of the Divine, and when a decision brings a dull ache to your gut or any other part of your body STOP and listen. Figure out what emotions fit into that ache. Then, figure out what needs are under that emotion. (Handy-dandy helpful pdf chart here: Feelings/Needs). We KNOW more than we think we do, and God often works with us in subtle and embodied ways. As we learn to trust ourselves, we are learning to trust God-who-is-with-us-and-for-us.

Well friends, it doesn't feel like much, and it DEFINITELY doesn't feel like the fabled wisdom of Solomon, but in the midst of unending difficult decisions, I hope these little tools are gifts for you. May God help us all, as we discern. Amen

1 I'm not convinced diet culture is safe nor healthy, but I left the reference in because I fear it is familiar.

2 Tara Parker-Pope “5 Rules to Live By During a Pandemic” https://www.nytimes.com/2020/06/09/well/live/coronavirus-rules-pandemic-infection-prevention.html June 9, 2020.

[kittydoggie]

When did you become radicalized?

It was a long time coming. I've never cared too awful much for authority, and lost my faith in my 'betters' in general at the ripe old age of six or seven, when my house was stolen from me. A payment had gotten skipped, but we had the money within the allotted time to correct course. The bank told us that our house was worth more than our money, and took the roof from over our heads. I only later learned that this was abnormal, and had we the money, we could have sued. I remember recounting it to my step-mother, and her doubting me, repeating "But that's highly illegal!" Yeah, dawg, sure is if they pull it on someone who can fight back. Laws are just as made up as any other rule, and go just as out the window if you have money.

But that's not what really did it. It was just a stepping stone. From there, the teacher that told a new kid with a crumbling home life that she didn't have time to teach him division, to the church that tried to erase my identity, there were many more stones. Every path, however, has a destination.

I arrived at mine in a hospital room, as so many do. I've pinpointed it, the exact place it snapped. I was direly depressed, in my last college year, straining over the insane workload of an animation major. I became suicidal. One night, my spouse (fiance at the time) wrested the knife from my hand. I had hesitated, not breaking my own skin, and they pulled it away. I couldn't fight back, or I risked hurting them. I was talked into calling a suicide line.

What happened next was such a violation of my agency that I still don't feel ok giving out suicide hotlines to those in need. I can't trust them. An operator that was half lackadaisical and half irate answered. I mustered up the courage to confess that I was a danger to myself and needed help. They demanded I go to the hospital. I didn't want to go, I had no insurance at the time- thus why I was off my rocker, given that I could afford none of the meds I needed and was in the throes of withdrawal. Effexor withdrawal is hell. It's actually worse than certain hard drugs, and plays havoc on your body.

But this person insisted I go to the hospital. I balked, and I still remember the annoyance in their voice as they told me they'd have to call the cops on me if I didn't comply. I was terrified early 20-something at the time, I didn't want to fuck with cops. These days I'd tell them to fuck themselves, and hang up, but these days I'm not suicidal. So they sent these people out to lead us to Grady.

I'll never forget.

Grady is a hospital that serves the poorer side of ATL. They told my brother he could fucking reuse insulin needles. The place smells of piss and death, and everyone is exhausted. Even back then. I can't imagine what it's like now, post pandemic.

I was ushered in, it was evening. I was made to tell what I was going to do to myself, and was separated from my only support in the world at the time, my fiance. I waited. Was put in a room. Made to tell again what I had planned. I was allowed my sketchbook. I doodled numbly.

There was a ruckus, I look up, and there's cursing from the other side of the curtain. For non-Americans, sometimes an emergency room will be split with just a curtain. You can't see the other patient, but you sure as hell can hear them. And what I hear. At first, I get riled as hell because this lady is screaming at the nurses. And that just flies all over me, because these people are doing their damndest in the ER, that's a hard fucking job. None of them have been anything but good to me up to this.

I start scribbling in my notebook, writing down events as they happen. It gets crazy. This woman is fighting with them, and with someone else- I can't recall all the details. I don't know if she was hurt, but I don't feel right divulging what I don't need to. What I must divulge is that as things unravel, they're taking a history. She blatantly admits she's been smoking crack because she's got stomach cancer and can't afford pain meds.

I remember the switch in my mind that flipped. I was still hot she was cruel to the nurse. But she was whacked out in pain. This lady, I don't know her name. I don't know anything else about her. But she was dying- if she can't afford pain care, she sure as fuck couldn't afford the rest. She's likely dead.

The rest is a blur. The night wore on. They needed the intake room. I was put on a stretcher in the hall late at night. People cycled in an and out. I put my pencil behind my ear, pulled my bandana over my eyes and dozed uneasily. A doc and his gaggle of interns came by, the doc looked at me like detritus and asked what I was doing there. As in asked ME what I was doing. I was shuffled around, finally ending up on the ward. I was ultimately deemed not a threat to myself, given two days of meds, and sent on my merry way.

The cost? Over $1000 in 2011 money. Cheap. Cheap. And I didn't have the money for it. $1000 dollars for a couple pills, sleepless night, and some OJ. And that's where it really broke, when my nose was shoved right up against human suffering outside of my own.

[punkscowardschampions]

Bea & Buster

Bea: Why are you not here? Buster: I decided to stay Bea: And how is it that was something you reckoned you could just decide Bea: We've been over this, and you're only allowed to visit on the assurance you keep doing what you're meant to, when you're meant to Buster: I am doing what I'm meant to Buster: But cheers for the concern Bea: You're meant to be at School Bea: how many times are you going to make me repeat myself of this when it's not up for discussion Buster: There's no need to repeat yourself Buster: I've sorted things with school same as before Bea: You're so close to finishing you just need to get this done Bea: Do it right, there's no point phoning it in because you won't get into the Unis you want so if you're not gonna put the effort in now Bea: Don't bother at all Buster: I'm doing what I need to do, I've already told you Buster: I don't enjoy repeating myself either, like Bea: I fail to see how you have the time Bea: You're clearly distracted or you wouldn't be there Buster: There's a thing called multi-tasking, you should try it Bea: Do not talk to me like that Bea: This isn't negotiable Bea: Next flight home Buster: I know it's not Buster: I'm staying here Bea: You're not Bea: For God's sake, you know this is pathetic, don't you Buster: I know that's what you think Bea: It really is, you're not capable of going five minutes without seeing each other Buster: I'm not actually that fucking selfish it might surprise you to realise Buster: How are you this detached from everything that's going on here right now? Bea: Edie always goes missing Bea: Is it reasonable or practical for us to drop our lives every time she does? No Buster: Jesus Bea: What? Bea: It's not that I'm not sympathetic but how do you expect to help by being there Buster: You have no idea how much is on her shoulders, do you? Bea: Who's? Buster: Rio's Bea: I'm sure there is Bea: there is on everyone's but you've got your own to deal with Buster: No I don't Buster: Like I said, school is sorted Bea: How can I trust what you say Bea: I'll be seeing for myself how sorted it actually is Buster: I keep my word, I always have Buster: That should be enough Bea: No, you keep everything from us Bea: You don't say where you are, what you're doing Bea: and still you expect us to not only be fine with it but believe it too Buster: That isn't fair, I've kept things from you 'cause I've had to Buster: Same as I'm doing what I have to do now Bea: Just because we aren't going to agree with or say yes to every decision you make isn't reason to behave like this Bea: that's immature, how do you expect to be taken seriously? Buster: I'm not a child Buster: And this isn't about you Bea: No, you aren't Bea: Stop behaving like one Buster: Stop treating me like one Bea: How can I Bea: You're giving me no reason not to, and ample to see how we've given you too much freedom Buster: I know what I'm doing Buster: There's your reason Bea: You think you do but you aren't thinking bigger picture Buster: You raised me, you should know what I'm capable of Bea: Can you not just be normal and do what you're bloody told for once in your life Buster: Don't tell me I'm not normal Buster: And again, you raised me, so don't expect no challenge to your authority like Buster: You're lucky enough that Nance goes along with what you say Bea: Well Bea: I'm trying to get you to do what's right for you Buster: I am, mum Buster: Believe it or don't Bea: I don't Buster: Why? Buster: What more do you want from me? Bea: It isn't going to happen Buster: What? Bea: You aren't going to stop all this, are you Bea: So, do what you want, I wash my hands of you Buster: Come on Buster: It doesn't have to be like this Buster: You said you wanted me to be happy Bea: I do but it isn't as easy as that Bea: accepting this Buster: I don't see what's so difficult Bea: You wouldn't, you're not a parent Bea: You have an idea of what you want for your kids Bea: and obviously, this wasn't it Buster: What the fuck am I doing that's so wrong? Buster: I'm getting the best grades, I'll be able to get into any uni I want Buster: I'm in love, I'm happy Buster: What's the problem? Bea: It's too soon, you're too young Bea: Never mind the unavoidable fact she's your cousin Buster: It's not and I'm not Buster: But at least we've got to the real issue Bea: Yes it is, do you see anyone else getting engaged at your age Buster: We're not anyone else, we're us Bea: You can't know what you want for the rest of your life at this age, it's ridiculous Buster: Why can't I? You did Buster: Christ, what difference does it make if I get married now or in 10 years Bea: No I didn't Bea: just because it worked out that way doesn't mean I did Bea: at least you'll have lived some life Buster: We're gonna do it together Buster: That's what we want Bea: And you're fine paying for her, are you? Buster: I don't pay for her, she pays for herself Bea: It's not a sustainable career is it Buster: Not that it's any of your business but she's got career plans beyond this Bea: No, of course not Bea: it's never my business Bea: it's only my money you're wasting Buster: Are we really gonna do this? Buster: You're gonna tell me how to spend now Buster: What do you want a fucking spreadsheet of my expenses? Bea: Yeah Bea: That's actually reasonable Buster: Get Nancy's and then we'll talk Bea: Don't try and make this about your sister Bea: she's actually going to school Bea: and she has less reason to want to be there Buster: If we're doing this then it is about her too Buster: There's not one rule for me and another for my sister, like Bea: Fine Bea: It's irrelevant, we didn't raise either of you to be entitled brats Buster: Then stop treating me like I am Buster: I'm not a kid wasting my pocket money on sweets Bea: Just on countless flights, engagement rings you don't need Bea: I could go on Buster: I literally do need a ring to be engaged, it's kind of the point Bea: You don't need to be engaged Buster: I don't need to still be in school or go to uni either Buster: But I want to Bea: You do if you want to get anywhere in life Bea: so no, not the same thing but nice try Buster: Why can't you see that I need her too? Buster: She's as important to be Buster: More Bea: I'm not saying you can't be together Bea: do you have to do this Buster: Yes Bea: Why Bea: It makes no difference Buster: It does to me Buster: And you wouldn't say that to Nance if she still wasn't allowed to get gay married Bea: Don't make the comparison Bea: You aren't opressed, either of you Bea: Christ Buster: Nobody wants us to be together Buster: It's not that different Bea: I'm just asking you to not get married Bea: this very second Bea: I don't know why that's so much to ask, apparently Buster: 'Cause you only want that in the hopes that I'll change my mind Bea: And I'm not planning to fund an entire wedding for you Bea: Just cool it down, you said you would Buster: When have I ever said that? Bea: You aren't earning, and you're not going to be earning for years yet Buster: Jesus Buster: You didn't care when I was spending all my money on champagne and coke, did you? Buster: Don't make this about money when it clearly isn't Bea: Obviously, I didn't know because no Bea: I would not be happy about that either Buster: I've made so many mistakes and now that I'm finally doing what's right for me you wanna treat it like it's somehow the worst one Bea: How could it be right Bea: I just don't see it Buster: How can it be wrong to love someone who loves you as much Buster: To be happy and build a life that you actually want Bea: I don't know Bea: Just for God's sake Bea: give people more time Buster: I stayed away from her for years for the sake of everyone else Buster: Why should I? Bea: Because no one knew that Bea: I've not had years to process this Buster: It doesn't matter Buster: They can take all the time they want to get used to us being together Buster: They'll have forever if they need it Bea: Right Bea: Well if that's how it is, I have nothing to add Buster: Fine Buster: Good talk, mum Bea: What did you expect Buster: Honestly, nothing Buster: Exactly this Bea: Good, then I'm the only one that's disappointed Buster: Oh no, I'm very disappointed, just not surprised Bea: What would you like me to do Bea: Honestly Buster: At least trust me and accept this if you can't be happy for me Bea: It's your life now Bea: you'll do what you want with it Bea: regardless Buster: Yeah but I still want you in it Bea: Whatever for? Buster: 'Cause you're my mum Buster: For one thing Bea: Oh yeah? Bea: Only when it suits you Buster: Don't Bea: Why not Bea: it's the truth of the matter Buster: No it's not Bea: Well that's how it seems Buster: Do you actually think any of this is how I want things to be? Buster: Christ Bea: Then do something about it Buster: I can't tell you things 'cause you don't support me Bea: You want unconditional support then go somewhere else Bea: You're not getting it when you're wrong Buster: All I want is for you not to make me feel like a failure for no fucking reason Bea: We'll see when you get your results Buster: Are you gonna apologise then? Bea: No Buster: Then why would I bother showing them to you Bea: This conversation is ridiculous Buster: 'Cause you're being ridiculous Buster: You want me to focus on school on the one hand, but on the other you're gonna force me into getting a job 'cause money is apparently such an issue all of a sudden Bea: The issue is how you're spending it and your time Bea: Do you understand how hard law school is going to be? Bea: You aren't going to have time for all this Buster: I'm spending both how I need to Buster: You have no idea about law school, you haven't done it Buster: All you're doing is underestimating me Buster: To try and split us up Bea: I know how hard it is Bea: I don't need firsthand experience Buster: Well, I don't need you to tel me how hard it is, or is going to be Bea: You don't want to be told Bea: Anything Buster: I don't wanna hear your self serving bullshit, no Bea: That's rich Buster: It suits you to tell me how hard shit might be 'cause you don't wanna hear anything about how much easier she makes things for me Bea: Well I'm sure it's very nice not going to School, yeah Buster: Fuck this Bea: That's about right Buster: For good reason Bea: Goodbye, Buster Buster: Whatever Bea: Mature Bea: Well done Buster: Nothing I do now is gonna impress you Buster: Forget it Bea: I don't need to be impressed Buster: Act like it then Bea: Don't ever tell me what to do Buster: Why would I? I've wasted my breath enough for one conversation Bea: Try 18 years down the drain then you can talk to me about disappointment, kid Buster: Say how you really feel, mum Buster: Fucking hell Buster: You know what, don't bother any more Buster: Just stay out of my life and then you won't have to feel anything Bea: I've tried being nice with you, I've tried trusting you Bea: None of it has worked Buster: Don't give up your day job if that's what you reckon Bea: Oh yeah, I'm such a horrible mother Buster: You don't know how to trust me, that's what I'm saying Bea: Trust gets you nowhere Buster: Bullshit Buster: Nothing I do is ever gonna be good enough, that's the real issue here Buster: If I wasn't with Rio you'd find something else to pick a hole in Bea: That's not true Buster: Yeah it is Buster: You love it when I fuck up 'cause it proves you right Buster: That's why you're hoping this is another mistake Buster: Unlucky Bea: Why would I want that Bea: what exactly do I get out of being right? Buster: 'Cause you know I'll come running to you Buster: Just like I did with the Chlo thing Bea: Please Bea: I have enough to be getting on with in my own life Buster: Good thing I don't need you then, yeah? Bea: If only that were remotely true Buster: Don't worry, I'll make it happen for you Buster: Starting now, like Bea: Like you said, I don't trust you Buster: So don't Buster: It's still happening, just like me getting married is Buster: We're done here Bea: Good luck Buster: I don't want or need that from you Bea: Nonetheless Buster: Bye mum