#madness combat zine

[beemers-hell]

hey guys check this shit out!!

I've mentioned it a couple times over the past few months BUT

The Madness Combat Zine is up for Pre Order now!

Above is a link to the twt post announcing it!This is a zine project that I contributed both a piece and merch design for, and includes work from a FUCK load of insanely talented artists from within the community!!

If you're able to, please consider pre ordering a copy and/or merch! Itd mean a whole fuckin lot to us!! We've all spent the past half a year working on this thing!

[nunchucksnun]

Guys, so I'm brainstorming the ideas for my Madness Combat Zine entry piece, and I figured we could do a little community voting to decide which one I should actually go with.

[tobias-hankel]

Hotchreid - angst - Spencer self harms

I'm taking Hotchreid drabble requests in honor of the Hotchreid Zine release.

For more information about our Hotchreid Zine, make sure to check out Tumblr - all proceeds go to SharedHope, a charity to combat sex trafficking.

--

TW self-harm, blood, sharps

Spencer all but ran to the bathroom, locking the door behind him. He thought this was over. He hadn’t had this feeling of numbness mixed with panic in months but thanks to a nightmare, the overwhelming urge to hurt himself felt like it was coming from his stomach, up his throat, and choking him.

His mind raced as he dug through the bathroom drawers.

Don’t do it. Where is it? Go get Hotch, he can help you. You don’t need help; you need a blade. Hotch is only feet away in bed. He will think you are weak. He loves you. He doesn’t care.

Finally, Spencer’s hand lands on a disposable shaving razor that got pushed to the back of the drawer. Seeing the blade in front of him, his mind went blank as he went into autopilot. He took off the cover and carefully pressed his thumbnail on the side in the space between the blade and the plastic. He pulled the plastic back just enough to use his teeth to peel the rest back. He didn’t stop until he heard the plastic snap and one of the thin metal blades came falling out – making a light clink sound as it fell into the porcelain sink.

Spencer set the rest of the shaving razor down and picked up the blade. It was too late to stop now. He needed this.

He looked down at his left arm. His old self-harm scars were faded, just thin pale lines that he could only see in the right lighting. He debated for a moment if he should cut his arm or thigh. He didn’t know what would be easier to hide but he also didn’t care at the moment. He needed to cut and that was all he was focusing on as he placed the blade against his forearm and made a slow, precise cut.

Immediately, blood started to bubble up on the line Spencer created and he knew he needed more. Two, three, four – Seven thin lines later and he felt like he could breathe again. He placed the blade on the counter and watched as his blood slowly beaded together and rolled down his arm and into the sink.

It wasn’t a lot of blood, just enough – but as he watched the blood drip, he heard a knock at the bathroom door.

“Spencer? Are you alright” Hotch said from the other side of the door, testing the doorknob.

Fuck, fuck, fuck…

Spencer didn’t think this far ahead, and the panicked feeling rushed right back into his gut. “Yeah, I’m fine!” He reached for the toilet paper, made a ball of it, and held it against his arm. “I’ll be out in a minute!” He yelled back but he wasn’t sure how he was going to get around Hotch without him noticing his arm. He wasn’t wearing long sleeves, Hell – he wasn’t even wearing pants.

Spencer started to cry at the idea of Hotch finding out what he did to himself. Logically, he knew that Hotch already knew about his struggles with self-harm and that he was nothing but caring and compassionate about it but that didn’t stop his mind from filling with fear and self-hatred.

“Can you let me in, Spencer?” Hotch asked softly, having heard the gentle crying coming from Spencer from the other side of the bathroom door. Spencer just stood there frozen for a moment before he heard Hotch again. “Please, baby?”

Spencer, seeing no way out of this, moved to open the door. Hotch stood in front of him for a moment, taking in Spencer crying, Spencer holding the bloody toilet paper to his arm, the broken shaving razor and loose blade on the counter. He quickly figured out what happened and wrapped his arms around Spencer, who melted into him.

“Shh, it will be okay,” Hotch whispered against Spencer’s head as he cried against his shoulder.

“ ’m sorry,” Spencer mumbled against Hotch, “don’t be mad…”

Hotch pulled away just enough to look Spencer in the eyes, “I’m sad that you felt the need to do this, but I’ll never be mad at you over something like this, okay?” Spencer slowly nodded his head. “Alright, baby. You’re safe now - let me help you clean up.”

[mav-the-artist]

Madness Combat Zine update!

The team has just announced that they’re asking people to check their Twitter dms regarding refunds/orders before production begins or they will be forced to exclude your order.

They also said to email them if you didn’t get any response.

Original Tweet here for more info.

[skruffie]

It’s not the anniversary yet, but it IS National Siblings Day and I conveniently forget that this is even a thing until I go on Facebook or Twitter or something and remember. This year is a big milestone for my family because it is the 18th anniversary, which marks a passage of time from now to forever where she has been gone longer than she was alive.

I saw this thing on Facebook about grief, and it went something like grief is this hole, and you can try to fill the hole with whatever you can, but nothing fills it. It’s bottomless. It seems like your entire life gets sucked into it, but eventually as the years go on... the hole doesn’t get smaller. Your life gets bigger, and it grows around it. The hole is always there, but there’s more expanse around it as you move through each anniversary, each holiday, each milestone. It’s similar to describing grief as “it doesn’t get easier, you just get better at coping”.

(This is going to be very long and probably very sad because I talk at great length about her life and death)

I tried to write about a little bit about Nicole on Twitter today, but my initial post mentioned the word “cancer” which caught the attention of this fucking asshole that was advertising faith healing on his timeline. That dulled my grief a bit but it sure made me mad.

Trying to remember things.

We were seven years apart so we never really had a sibling rivalry or anything. I actually looked up to her so much--she was like a teenage rock star to my child self. She loved writing and wrote lots of poetry, got published in an independent zine by age nine, and through her adolescence was a bit of a grunge punk. She played piano and bass. She wore combat boots. Occasionally she dressed up with the full make-up and everything and called them her “pretty days”. She had a lock of hair in front of her face she kept in a small braid. She did blogging before the word “blog” even existed by maintaining an email list of friends and family, and she would email her updates directly to them. She coded her own websites and experimented with graphic design. She did photography. She’s why I love nail polish and tarot cards and Doc Martens--her own boots had navy blue laces with suns and moons on them. She had a huge, huge crush on Dave Navarro. She would buy hostess cupcakes for the kids at school who didn’t have food, and she kicked her own friends out of our house when they tried to bring alcohol to her party.

Nicole grew up with the brunt of our parents’ addictions before I came along. My mom (seen with baby Nicole in one of the photos above) and dad were only 19 when they had her and got married. When she was younger, they actually split up for a while and I think my great-grandma helped take care of her. My parents both went to rehab, got back together, and then had me, so... I was the baby that grew up in a sober house for a while at least. My parents still argued and it bothered me a lot when I got a bit older, so she’d come get me and take me to her room and bring chips and bean dip, and I’d have a safe place to cry.

...That’s a thought I just had right there. After she died, I didn’t really have that same kind of shield from my parents fighting (which was a lot worse after her death--a lot of couples who lose a child end up divorcing and my parents came close), which I think is probably what made the emotional neglect worse.

I don’t remember the exact progression of her cancer, but things started getting noticeable when she started developing night-blindness. I think at the time there were some doctors that didn’t believe she could be getting cancer so getting the insurance to cover tests and treatment was a fight every single time. A tumor started growing in her left arm, and the diagnosis was finally clear: rhabdomyosarcoma. She asked the doctors after her diagnosis if it was genetic, because even after that, she thought of me. (Thankfully, it isn’t. It was just a stupid, cruel twist of the universe.)

She got chemo, started to go into remission, and eventually it came back. Nicole then got a stem cell transplant when it was getting worse--more tumors, etc etc. I had met with a grief counselor at the hospital once or twice during this time period, even before we knew for sure it was terminal, because I was 10 going on 11 and needed someone to help me process and also like... kinda pay attention to me? Admitting that feels weird, but I was just a kid.

The day that I found out that the stem cell transplant didn’t work is probably almost worse than the day she died for me. They brought in a minister and we sang “Amazing Grace” and I watched her be baptized, and while she was being anointed, I kept asking everyone “Why is she being baptized? Why??? Why?! We’re Wiccan!!” Which was true. Nicole also underwent a Wiccaning around this time. Everyone was ignoring my questions, until finally it was time. She told me the stem cell transplant had not been successful and broke down crying, and I immediately understood what that meant, and I started screaming and crying. I started screaming to see the grief counselor, and I had to leave the hospital room to go with the counselor down to my favorite spot on the hospital campus.

Fuck. I hate Easter. I fucking hate Easter. It was around Easter time and this holiday plays a role in this awful memory of mine: at the hospital, some very kind person made little easter baskets for all the kids that were on the juvenile cancer ward, and I even got to get one even though I wasn’t a patient. I was starting to open mine but Nicole just looked at it. She said “Why do I get one? Why do I get one when I’m going to--” and probably started crying. I put my basket aside because the thrill of like... easter chocolate or whatever the fuck was gone. I don’t think I’ve been able to enjoy this holiday since.

Make A Wish was involved at some point, obviously. NIcole’s original wish was to meet Tori Amos, but her management team responded with “Uhhh, Tori doesn’t really do that” which was disappointing at first. (A few years later, a couple of Nicole’s friends saw T live in concert and met her at a meet and greet. They told her Nicole’s story and I guess she had no idea actually, so I believe it was a decision firmly on the management’s side.). The next wish had to be rushed, and Nicole realized that she wanted to go to prom. The actual senior prom for her high school was going to be too far out in advance with her surviving that long, so Make A Wish threw together a special prom just for her and about 150+ attendees.

The prom was held at Newport Harbor on a yacht. Rebecca Schoenkopf of Wonkette, known in 2001 as CommieGirl for the OC Weekly, met with Nicole once prior to this and attended as a prom guest to write about it. Naturally, Nicole was crowned prom queen and when she stood up to receive the crown, it was something magical. She had spent most of the evening in and out of sleep from being so ill and from the medications she was on.

When she was dying, she wanted to be at the hospital. I stayed at my grandparent’s house... probably for a couple days, I don’t actually remember how long it was, and my parents were there for her. I believe she died in the early hours of the morning on April 30th, two days short of her 18th birthday. I had a moment that morning that I consider a small blessing, which is that I found out she was gone before anyone had actually told me, and it gave me a brief reprise to just be by myself while I gathered up my will to go downstairs and face my parents. I had been in the process of going downstairs, and I saw my mom come out of the bathroom, and that was it. That was all I needed to see.

She had them write a letter as her own personal message to me. Two days later for her 18th birthday, my cousin sent us 18 lavender balloons. I don’t think we had her memorial until the 11th of May and I know this because it was the same day Douglas Adams--one of Nicole’s favorite authors--died. We joked that she took him with her. Nicole was cremated, and I do remember there was at least one funny moment that morning as we were getting out of the car. My mom handed me the wooden box that had Nicole’s cremains in it and said “Here, hold your sister for a sec.” We got a touch of that grave humor in my family.

One of the hardest things about this... hole of grief, is aging. My parents are in their mid 50s now, and I’m going to be 30 next year. I don’t have any other siblings to help take care of my parents. My mom rather flippantly says “Oh, put us in a nursing home”, but that just feels so bleak. I don’t have my sister with me to help with my wedding, to meet Zack or any of my friends, to talk to about our past and our future. She’s not here to kick ass and build amazing apps or tear down the patriarchy or be on the ground reporting the latest news break. There’s so many milestones I’ve already crossed without her but I am always going to miss her.

Bon swayr, ma souer.

[kiliofdurinsline]

i am seeing in me now (the things you swore you saw yourself)

Fandom: Pokemon Sword and Shield Rating: T Relationships: Piers & Marnie; Piers & Raihan Length: 2.5k words Where to Read: Archive of Our Own Notes: I wrote this piece for Eclipse: A Dark-Type Pokemon Zine, to represent Piers! Check out their Twitter for more amazing fic and art centered around Dark-type Pokemon and Trainers!

“Viewer ratings dip whenever gym challengers reach Spikemuth. Your predecessor had a strong fanbase to combat it, but you being so new,” Rose pauses, finger twirling in his hair. “It’s difficult to build that sort of support, and you’ve barely had a year to do so. I’m sure you can appreciate how concerned we are.”

“You can’t take the gym away from Spikemuth,” Piers growls, his voice flat. He glances at Marnie, asleep beside him on the Chairman’s pristine sofa, and fights to keep his voice low. “The gym circuit’s the lifeblood of the town, it brings in travelers from all over the region an’ keeps our goods on the market.” 

“That’s not the League’s responsibility.” Oleana doesn’t look up from her clipboard. 

“But it is mine!” Piers’s voice echoes through the room as he stands, fists clenched tight at his side as he glowers at Oleana. 

A tiny, broken hiccup breaks through the tension, and Piers feels his anger dissipate as he turns to Marnie. She’s already crying, tears welling up in wide green eyes and spilling over onto chubby cheeks. 

Piers crouches down beside her. He lifts a thumb to wipe away her tears. “Marns, hey, what’s wrong?”

“Don’ be mad, Piers. Please?” she hiccups through her tears. She looks up at him, lower lip trembling. 

“Here, now, no one’s mad, see?” He scoops her up and holds her close, rubbing one hand along her back. “Sorry for scarin’ you.” He turns and glances back at the two adults. Rose is looking at him with a sickeningly fake pity. Piers can’t even bear to meet his eyes. 

At least Oleana’s cold judgement is honest. 

It’s cold, and uncaring, but it’s honest.

finish reading on Ao3

[502harrietneradt]

RIOT GRRRL Movement

Rape culture was often an issues addressed within the feminist punk scene known as RIOT GRRRL.

"Riot grrrls started to come together in the United States in 1991. As punk feminists, *(7) they were concerned with the double standards in the punk scenes they were participating in at the time. Female punks experienced rape and sexual assault in the scene and needed a space to talk about it. Punk feminists started to form groups, talking with each other about their experiences and encouraging others to do the same. Riot grrrls started using the elements of punk to address the issues within the scene—music and zines—as a way to make others aware of how they were being treated."

"For riot grrrls, the use of personal narratives and calls for activism became the dominant form of communication and activism in zines. Riot grrrls used personal narratives in their zines, which were used to inform and disrupt traditional cultural and political ideologies. Through cut and paste compilations, riot grrrl activists called for changes to how rape and sexual violence was viewed in their communities and in the larger laws and policies in the United States."

"

The discussion of sexual assault and violence comes through in some very real ways in riot grrrl zines. The United States’ rape culture normalizes rape and sexual violence, minimizing the experiences of survivors and perpetuating a culture of stigmatism of survivors. In the United States, one in four girls are sexually abused before the age of 18. *(10) Riot grrrls used their zines to share rape narratives, confront their sexual predators, and use punk vernacular as a way to push against the normalized rape myths and rape culture in the United States.

One way riot grrrls used zines was to find other girls to talk with about their experiences. Another way was to gather together and form groups to confront what was happening around them. Through both these practices, riot grrrls brought together punk ideologies and practices of DIY with feminist art activism as a way to challenge and change their communities and social circles. For example, riot grrrl groups formed throughout the country where grrrls would get together, talk about their experiences, and create zines. One important thing that happened during these meetings and through zines was the discussion of self-defense and empowerment. Young women looked for ways to protect themselves from the violence and fear they experience in their everyday lives."

In Olympia, Washington, the riot grrrl group put out at zine about riot grrrls and one of the contributors wrote:

This one night at a riot grrrl meeting some girls started talking about all these rapes that started happening at the college here. We got so mad at the total way the school and the media ignore sexual abuse and harassment. And how shitty it is to live in fear. So we made up a secret plan and carried it out that night. We laughed and held hands and ran around in the dark and we were the ones you should be looking out for. In a girl gang I am the night and I feel I can’t be raped and I feel so fuckin’ free. (No name in Riot Grrrl

They used their gathering to talk about ways to address the sexual assault and harassment they saw around them. They created their own activist space and then used their zines to share with readers and other participants what they did to combat rape culture around them. In particular, finding ways to work together to protect themselves from the violence and empower themselves, changing their narratives.

[thisweekingundamwing]

This Week in Gundam Wing (April 21-27, 2019)

GW Tumblr Fandom,

Here’s your weekly round-up from the folks at TWIGW!  Be sure to show your creators some love.  <333

–Mod LAM

Fanfiction

Salt (COMPLETE) by @ziggystarsandmars​

Pairings: Duo x Wufei, Heero x Relena

Characters: Duo, Wufei, Heero, Trowa, Relena

Rating: MATURE

Tag / Warnings: Wufei's POV, Unhealthy Relationships, Post War Trauma, Suicidal Thoughts, no Endless Waltz, Post-War, Explicit Language, Sex, Bad Decisions, everyone is broken

Summary:  Three months after the events of Like Oxygen, Duo shows up on Wufei's doorstep. As familiar, dangerous patterns assert themselves, Wufei's left wondering if there is, or could be, anything between them beyond self-destructive desire.

Liaisons, Science Convention and Meetups by @terrablaze514​

Pairings: Zechs x Noin, Dorothy x Relena, Okoye x W'Kabi

Characters: 5 pilots + Relena, Dorothy, Zechs, Noin, Hilde, Sally, Une, Marvel cast

Rating: General

Tag / Warnings: Gundam Wing x Black Panther Crossover, Birthday, California, Science Conventions, Engineering, Basketball, Wakandan Technology, Preventers (Gundam Wing) 

Summary:  It's Relena's 39th Birthday, and she pays Oakland California a visit for their Science Fair.

Earth Bound by @anaranesindanarie​​

Pairings: Duo x Quatre, Trowa x Duo x Quatre, Wufei x Heero

Characters: 5 pilots + Catherine Bloom

Rating: MATURE

Tag / Warnings: Supernatural, AU, Fantasy, Smut, Angst

Summary: Trapped in a human body, Duo Maxwell must uncover a way to unblock his powers before he finds everything ripped from him again. Who will pay the price? What will Duo decide? (for @fadedsepia​​)

Eldritch Holiday (Chapter 16) by @doctormegalomania​

Pairings:  Duo x Heero, Trowa x Quatre, Wufei x OC

Characters: Trowa, Quatre

Rating: EXPLICIT

Tag / Warnings: Horror, Body Horror, Occult, Comedy, Eventual Romance, Post-Break Up

Summary:  Quatre sees Trowa. Trowa sees Quatre.

Don’t Come for Me Today by @doctormegalomania​

Pairings: N/A

Characters: Heero, Duo

Rating: General

Tag / Warnings: N/A

Summary: Heero reflects on cookie baking and Duo swings by

Beneath (Chapter 5) by @duointherain

Pairings: Heero x Duo, Trowa x Quatre

Characters: Heero, Duo, Relena, Trowa, Quatre

Rating: Teen and Up

Tag / Warnings: Graphic Depictions of Violence, Monsters

Summary:  The combat winds down, Relena asserts herself.  

Duo and the Spark (Chapter 6) by @duointherain

Pairings: Heero x Duo

Characters: Heero, Duo, Wufei, The Doctor (Doctor Who)

Rating:  General

Tag / Warnings: Doctor Who crossover

Summary:  Duo, Wufei, and Heero are taken for a vacation :)

Forgiveness WIP by @softnocturne​

Pairings: Trowa x Quatre

Characters: Trowa, Quatre, Dorothy

Rating: General

Tag / Warnings: Post-Canon

Summary: After the war, an unexpected guest disturbs the peace

Secret Mission by @lifeaftermeteor​

Pairings: Wufei x Relena (off-screen)

Characters: Relena Darlian, Hilde Schbeiker

Rating: General / Teen and Up

Tag / Warnings: discussion of wedding night intimacy

Summary: Relena joins Hilde in L2 for a super special secret awesome mission—lingerie shopping

Fanart

James Clerk Maxwell (Frozen Teardrop) by @ksam7​​

Trowa Barton by @bluesquishylemon​​

How to Draw a Gundam by @marcedrawingart​​

Gundam by @freshthoughts2020​​

Quatre by @melisaongmiqin​​

Sneaky Trowa by @mecha-dyke​​

Duo Charm WIP by @gundayum​​

Duo Easter Bunny by @deathscythehell ​​

Gundam Pilots Commission by @elfbingo​

Several by @duointherain

Forgiveness

Abstract

Heero x Duo Hugs

Duo Maxwell

Other Fandom Works (Cosplay, Gunpla, Scans, etc.)

Quotes

On Eyebrows by @emilyvstheuniverse​

Duo from Dynasty Warriors Gundam 3 by @murumokirby360​

Not just a pretty face

Don’t make him mad

A few by @gundaaamn​

Throwing Stones with Duo and Heero

Dodge Ball with Duo and Trowa

Standing Together with Duo and Heero (1x2)

Prepared for Winter with Heero, Trowa, and Quatre

@incorrectgundamwingquotes is still at it!  My personal favorites: 

Duo and Wufei on Advice and Criticism

Heero the Wingman (2x5)

Quatre Talks in His Sleep (3x4)

Wufei Droppin’ Truth (with Heero, Duo, Trowa)

Eau de Fireball (with Treize and Zechs)

Trowa, Duo, and B&E

Employee of the Month with Heero and Une

Headcanons

Wufei and Relena Alone Time by @lifeaftermeteor

Growing Up Without Parents by @terrablaze514

Duo Vibes and Heero’s Mug by @janaverse

Several Headcanon Asks by @theresareasonforthiswritingblog

As Animals

During a Break-In

Working at Home vs. Housework

Discussion on Colonies by @lemontrash​ and @ziggystarsandmars​

Gunpla

Deathscythe by @rx-79bluedestiny​

Gundam WIP by @christianmswanson​

Images 1 / Images 2

Video 1 / Video 2 / Video 3

Custom Decals

Screencaps by @clair-audients​​

Classic Colonel Une

Duo and Heero

GOL Scans by @disturbed02girl​

Duo and Quatre

Dorothy, Zechs, and Relena

Trowa and Catherine

Hilde Schbeiker

The band’s back together

Swag Shared by @gundayum​

Duo Charm 

Deathscythe Patch

Hilde Buttons

Other Buttons

Edits and Macros

Full Scholarship by @janaverse​

Weepinduo by @gundaaamn​

Calendar Events

Cocktail Fridays with @gwcocktailfriday​​

Post responses on Friday between 3-5PM!

This week’s prompt is here

The Rhythm Generation Zine will be released on May 4!

Zine is FREE and will be released as a PDF.   To receive a copy, please be sure to sign up via the Mailing List Form!

Follow @acworldbuildingzine​​ for updates!  

Get ready for a Zechs-y Summer with @seasons-of-gundamwing​​

VOTE HERE for the week to hold the event

VOTE HERE for the event prompts

More details can be found here.

Mini Bang planned by @thisweekingundamevents​​

Logistics roll-ups can be found here and here

Gundam Wing Bingo is gearing up at @gundam-wing-bingo​​

Be sure to send them your tropes and ideas for the event!