#malemidlifecrisis

[coryystandby]

50! #talesfromthecity #lifestories #midlifecrisis #malemidlifecrisis (at London, United Kingdom) https://www.instagram.com/p/CnjPSNwLvHw/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[redundantmidlife]

I have to decide who to have in my Coronavirus social bubble. Do you think my family would mind if they're not in it?

As social distancing relaxes, we're now being asked to consider setting up a Coronavirus social bubble with other people. I'm quite excited by the options of who I could choose. It obviously has to be someone I don't mind spending a significant amount of time with. However I'm a bit bored of my family after six weeks, so I'm wondering whether I should ditch them and bubble with some different people? Marvin's Answer: Before you rush off to pack your bag, or send your invites out, pause for a moment. The Coronavirus social bubble has the potential to be worse than the original lockdown. Just be careful with your choices, and think of the potential problems if you choose one of the below.

Who to have (or not) in your social bubble?

A parent (or even an in-law) You've seen their smiling face struggling to find the button to turn off Skype, and thought how nice it would be to have them with you. Even your in-laws seem to be better after six weeks. However don't underestimate the power of the 40 minute time limit on Zoom calls. It's there for a reason. In your house for any longer and they'd be queuing up to use the toilet, be served another cup of tea or commenting on the fact your hair is grey/ a bush. Leave them where they are, and just keep phoning. Your child’s girlfriend and her parents It might seem like a great idea if your son wants to reunite (in a manner of speaking) after six weeks of testosterone build up. It might stop his surly silence and the free up the XBox for your gaming. Plus, before lockdown you were getting on well with the girl's parents. However stop and think of the awkwardness if those young lovers don't get on after their six weeks apart. You have nothing in common with the parents, the kids are sulking and you've wasted your spaces. What's more the parents might turn out to be religious nutters who pressure the kids to marry based on your laxness around the sleeping arrangements. Your best phone friend from work You've wept with laughter at their funniness over Skype, their wittiness on a mobile and the bizarre videos they sent you. However once they are in your house and you realise that the dressing up is not just occasionally for fun, it all becomes a little bit creepy. Your underwear drawer no longer feels safe, and you can't help thinking someone is watching you. As you notice some of your or your wife's clothes go missing, you might want to start locking your bedroom door at night and sleeping with one eye open. There's a reason other people said they were better over the phone. Listen to those warning bells. Your mate and his wife You all got on before, so why not now? Well maybe because during lockdown they both stared into the abyss and decided it was time to move on. If your house is big enough to accommodate two therapy couches and the occasional flying plate then by all means have them in. If you want to watch TV while having a quiet beer, don't.

Pampas grass is not always a sign Furthermore, think of your other friends, or by now ex-friends who will be forever miffed by your choice or couple X over them. And even worse, what if couple X only said yes to you because they thought you were swingers (or vice versa obviously). Imagine the awkwardness as you explain that you like Pampas grass because it grows really well in pots, and you always leave your keys in a bowl for safekeeping. It will be tumbleweed in your pots next year. Your neighbours There's a reason why you have't had your neighbours round for Christmas drinks recently, or had a virtual street party with them during lockdown. Quite simply, they're you neighbours. Getting someone's bin in occasionally or asking after their kids doesn't make them good Coronavirus social bubble material. Leave them as your emergency hunter gatherers if you have to isolate further.

The Coronavirus social bubble. Frying pans into fires

Yes, there are reasons to be excited by a relaxation of the social distancing laws. However, a Coronavirus social bubble might not be what you were hoping for when you started imaging beers with your mates and an end to stuttery virtual quiz nights. As you ponder your options, just take care about that what you think is a great set of choices, actually isn't fraught with dangers. Before you give up the people who are happy to ignore you and leave you to your own devices (that's your family by the way), think how tiring it will be to actually have to engage with others. Think how you might need to get dressed, tidy round and start showering again. That Coronavirus social bubble might not be all it's cracked up to be. And you don't want bubbles bursting as that could be messy indeed. Read the full article

[coryystandby]

50! #malemidlifecrisis #lifestories (at London, United Kingdom) https://www.instagram.com/p/CjYY3bYrT20/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[coryystandby]

50! #malemidlifecrisis #midlifecrisis https://www.instagram.com/p/BxFuQZ4lPWh/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=65n4tt0nas02

[coryystandby]

#50 #lifestories 50! #midlifecrisis #malemidlifecrisis #talesfromthecity (at London, United Kingdom) https://www.instagram.com/p/Cgq4urcMc4k/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[coryystandby]

#50! #malemidlifecrisis @andy_caulfield23 (at London, United Kingdom) https://www.instagram.com/p/Cf1eac8sW9m/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[coryystandby]

#50 #lifestories #malemidlifecrisis (at London, United Kingdom) https://www.instagram.com/p/Ce7-kjtsFHS/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[coryystandby]

#50 #midlifecrisis😂 #malemidlifecrisis 50! (at London, United Kingdom) https://www.instagram.com/p/BoBrvSiB5bT/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=ce4ds3vsc97i

[coryystandby]

#50! #malemidlifecrisis #midlifecrisis😂 #familyfirst #familyforever (at Woking)

[coryystandby]

50! #coryystandby #malemidlifecrisis #midlifecrisistrip #midlifecrisis😂 (at Guilford, Surrey, United Kingdom)

[coryystandby]

50! #malemidlifecrisis #midlifecrisis "In nomine Patris et fillii et Spiritus Sancti"  (at London, United Kingdom)

[redundantmidlife]

Writing exciting erotic stories gets great followings. Just don't tell your other half.

I've read lots on how to drive views onto blog posts. None mention erotic stories, but I believe they could show the way to increase visitor numbers. I've always struggled with followers. I'm no Jesus. My kids have more followers than me on every form of social media and all they do is post photos of pouting and feet. I've tried hard to gather friends, followers or stalkers, but have been left languishing in the grey nether regions of the web. It was nether regions that got me thinking. I always remember when I worked for BT most network traffic came from porn sites. We pretended it didn't for the good of the company image, but supporting and supplying IT to porn sites was lucrative. Porn, or erotic stories, whatever people may think, generate a following that far outstrips any business site . I remember at work how excited I got when my first corporate video got past 1,000 hits. The porn-site equivalent would have generate a hundred times that without drawing breath. Or an erotic gasp. Admittedly, not with me in it. No one would want to see that.

In the interests of science, and researching blogs and site visitors, I decided to investigate further. Obviously this wasn't about videos or pictures. That would just be smutty. I ruled those out after a cursory glance (or two) What interested me however was erotic fiction. Look at 'Fifty Shades of Grey' and the interest that generated. There was no great plot apparently, but it fed an audience hungry for sex; as long as it was done in a less seedy way than your average porn site. You have to wonder, had E.L. James written a book on any other topic, would she have got the same level of interest or publicity? And also, if people around the country rejoiced in reading an erotic story without being worried about work checking up their search history. Erotic stories with tens of thousands of views

Literotica - more than 50m hits each month Erotic literature it turns out is also big business. Averagely good stories on many websites frequently get tens of thousands of views. Just visit Literotica if you don't believe me (or want a break from this). Apparently 53m other people are doing just that each month! Imagine that. For this post I'd be pleased with ten. Maybe if I introduced some sex or innuendo there may be more interest. That could be a big one for me (ooo-er). Possibly if I wrote this the same post from a different perspective, but managed to get it posted on a porn site I'd actually have some social media influence. I could do that. A blog about being redundant midlife, with interview stories and midlife issues brimming with sex scenes. My tale of role playing would genuinely involve uniforms, whips and well-toned recruiters. Would I get more visitors? Yes, without a doubt. Would it be frowned upon? Of course. I'm sure I'd be castigated for peddling porn under the guise of a serious blog. A bit like this post in fact. I'll be interested to see if I get more visitors due to the words sex, porn and erotic literature featuring heavily. Happy household or hundreds of followers? So if you want tens of thousands of hits, erotic stories are the way to go. Just don't tell your other half you're writing them. You'll either be accused of exposing your intimate bedroom secrets, or more likely voicing a unspoken fantasy with your neighbour. Neither are conducive to a happy household. Maybe I'll just stay happy, and hopeful that the ten or so people who read this will be of a better quality than the tens of thousands I good have got writing porn. Read the full article

[redundantmidlife]

What does Daddy do all day? Getting traumatised by Loose Women isn't all fun.

Loose Women used to conjure up images of a good night out. I knew loose women in the daylight hours was never a good thing, but little did I realise the trauma it could cause a redundant worker. One question I've often been asked about my redundancy is, aside from applying from jobs, how I fill my day. I could talk of DIY, domestic chore lists, taxi services and food shopping (yes, had all of those). I could also speak of the gym, swimming, and cycling, but that might stretch the truth. To be fair, I am fitter than I was, but no lighter. My time in the gym is more than offset by the additional cake eating time. I worked it out. If I have eight cups of tea or coffee during the day, each with biscuits or something sweet, I'd probably need to be in the gym four hours a day to break even. Not good given my current totals. Loose Women - first step to madness? So I have to admit I have also been trying daytime TV to pass the time.  I don't tell many people that as they all roll their eyes and tell me I should be doing something more productive. However I tried productive and ran out of ideas. Now I find myself occasionally channel hopping during the day in the hope of finding something enlightening. And just to be clear, I don't.

Let's take Loose Women as an example. Now, I know it's a show loved by many. I guess if it was on Sky Sports and the women were football pundits, I might find it more engaging, but they're not. Having said that, I'm sure one of them could claim some premiership footballing past, as they all have at least a tenuous link to any subject raised. "Crochet? Oh yes, did that at part of my mental health retreat." Vaginas are not good lunchtime material This week I was about to tuck into my ham and cheese sandwich when the opening of the Vagina Museum filled twenty minutes of Loose Women chat. Obviously being loose women, there was plenty of baudy discussion about vaginas, including shapes, usage, feelings, and issues (both in terms of problems and leakages). But is this really ham and cheese-time conversation? I think not. Admittedly the show isn't really aimed at middle-aged blokes, but even so. I have spent many an hour discussing women's issues as part of working in an equal opportunities employer, but this for me was a step too far. Flipping to Bargain Hunt only slightly moved things forward. Two couples, battling it out over the value of a twenty pound teapot. "Can we knock it down a bit?" they all ask. Then they act surprised when the bright lights and TV camera get them a discount. No, not for me either. Couples Come Dine With Me actually did work during cheese and ham-time. I think that's because it was at least food related and I could relate to some of the dinner party embarrassment.

That said, I'm not sure in what world you let strangers rifle through your bedroom looking for topics of conversation. If that was my house they would be gingerly picking up clothes from the floordrobe, wrinkling their noses before hurriedly vacating the room. Hardly what I want my neighbours to watch. The show would be OK if it wasn't for the tactical voting. "I hated the texture of the filo pastry" they complain, "so I'm going to award his meal a 3." That's despite the other Michelin star quality items and a bottle of bubbly. What would they make of my Lidl ham and cheese lunch? I tried quiz shows, but got frustrated at the time taken to reveal the answer.  Tipping Point for example brought back many a happy hour spent in seaside amusement arcades, but cliff edge TV it is not. Even with the dramatic pauses, it is a frustratingly slow watch for me. In all, daytime TV was pushing my blood pressure up. Despite my best efforts I couldn't bring myself to slob and watch tat. What does Daddy do? So what do I do? When my kids were young there was a book called "What Does Daddy Do?" where he ends up being the hero for just being himself. I'd like to say that was me, but I'm not sure my kids would agree any more. I think the bizarre thing about being off is that gradually your perception of time changes. Whereas I could do all the things I've discussed, and hold down a job, now I do some of the things. Full stop. I can't actually articulate how I filled each hour, although judging by the mugs in the dishwasher tea making it high up on the list. It's banter, but not as I knew it That's not to say it's as much fun as the workers think it is. I don't have the office banter. Those silly conversations, teasing and laughter that come with working in the office is what's missing for the unemployed stay at home. Thinking about it I realise that's what Loose Women is about. It's actually vicarious office banter for those people sat at home on their own. On that basis I probably judged it harshly, so will now spend some time researching the Vagina Museum. There's something for me to do all day. Maybe slightly more productive than playing on the Xbox. Read the full article

[coryystandby]

50! #midlifecrisis #malemidlifecrisis (at City of London, London) https://www.instagram.com/p/B4xnQ22BG2n/?igshid=1pprpv77fnufm

[coryystandby]

50! #lifestories #malemidlifecrisis #midlifecrisis (at London, United Kingdom) https://www.instagram.com/p/B3xCAfPhAVY/?igshid=hndsggocx669

[coryystandby]

50! #malemidlifecrisis #midlifecrisis (at The City of London) https://www.instagram.com/p/B2Hh2NdBi-u/?igshid=n19e7u83ql6u