I'm Still Here
・✶ 。゚"you didn't want to paint toji as the bad guy, to push your own sense of betrayal and hurt onto his image. you didn't want megumi to resent him."
pairings: fushiguro megumi x mother!reader, minor fushiguro toji x fem!reader
warnings: very sad baby megs, toji leaving, unprovoked insults from a child (not megumi dw)
Today has been somewhat of a tense and worrisome day. Megumi's school had called in, reporting about the fight that your son got into. This was not a totally unfamiliar situation as Megumi had always been quite.. brazen, with his actions.
The first time he was in a fight with someone was a day you still couldn't forget. You nearly had a heart attack; the first thing you thought being that your baby boy got hurt. Back then, you didn't really know how to deal with these situations properly. You were angry, disappointed and most of all so damn worried about him and what was going on in his life. The effects of that confrontation still lingered after that day: he became more distant, avoiding your questions whenever you tried to approach him.
You took time to rethink what happened, trying to figure out ways that would make your relationship better. That was when you'd tried to be more gentle,—still stern, but much softer—not raising your voice in frantic concern but instead, trying to talk through his feelings and how it can affect the people around him. Megumi's gotten much better at opening up about his thoughts and emotions over the years, with each time the fights becoming less and less of an occurrence at school. You've tried your best to provide that space and comfortability for him and it was easy to see that he appreciated it.
But sometimes.. the fights reoccurred when things got really out of hand.
Sitting on the sofa in front of him, you waited patiently for his explanation of what happened and why he was involved in the altercation. There were of course, consequences to his actions, depending on what had happened.
The silence could have stretched for seconds or minutes but you made no qualms to try and make him speak before he wanted to, only putting on a reassuring expression despite the turmoil brewing inside your head. It was the one thing that you would always remember to carry whenever you spoke with him: patience. Raising a child as a single mother could be incredibly taxing but you would never ever take your exhaustion out on him. And so you learnt to be patient, to take deep breathes whenever everything felt too overwhelming.
"He said that I.." He finally trailed off mumbling—borderline whispering—the last words of his sentence.
You took his warm hands into yours, thumbs stroking circles on the back of his hand, "Can you speak up for me please sweetheart? It's alright, you can talk to me."
Megumi paused, looking pained when he recalled those memories. He'd always had kind of a still face, looking like he was bored all the time. But as his mother, it was easy to eye the quirks and minuscule movements on his face, like how he would purse his lips and have that furrow on the front of his eyebrows whenever he was feeling upset. He closed his eyes as he began to open his mouth, long eyelashes kissing the pads of his cheeks while barely-held salty tears lined each strand.
"..he said that I was so stupid.. no wonder why my dad left."
The sound of your heart breaking felt deafening in your ears, ringing with mockery of not being able to protect your child and most of all, the fact that Megumi sounded so utterly defeated under those careless and ignorant words. No one, especially a child deserved to be blamed for something so personal that wasn't their fault. That's something that will forever be carved into their hearts. Your face must've had a fiery expression as Megumi meekly asked,
"Are you angry at me?.. I'm sor-"
"No!.. no, I could never be mad at you.. you don't need to apologize for that." Swiftly, you pulled his body towards you even more, gazing directly at his face.
"I'm sor-" Megumi chokes out, afraid that you would leave him too, just like his father did.
"Oh my sweets shh, shh, come here.."
He hastily buried his head onto your chest and wrapped his small arms around your waist, almost clawing at your shirt as he desperately sought for comfort. It was like the dam had finally broken, the waterworks beginning to spill out as his cries enveloped the mellow living room. You were now kneeling on the floor after reaching out for him, reciprocating his gesture and tightening your hug to protect him from the cruelty of the world. With every single sob your son let out you felt your heart snap painfully little by little; his tears were like diamonds that the ground never deserved to touch.
"Mama's got you,"
You let him cry his emotions out, hands never faltering in gently rubbing his hair all the way to his back. It was hard to let him go. You couldn't bare to see his grief-stricken face, the tears that trickled down his vermillion-turned skin.
Though that exact expression came right in front of your vision when Megumi reluctantly and slowly lifted his head up from the warmth of your chest to gaze right at you. He looked so fragile, like a fine china doll: orange cheeks and guileless eyes puffed up, staring so painfully sharp as if they were glaring at you, the white reflections in his stygian pupils swirling rapidly in a whirlwind of turmoil and anguish.
"Did he leave because of me?"
The suffocating atmosphere became even more palpable now.
His question left your mouth hanging open, words caught up in the back of your throat as your breathe hitched precipitously.
You yourself didn't even know exactly why he suddenly left, only vaguely saying that Megumi would have a better life with you. And you believed him, fully and truly with all your heart because you loved him. With the circumstances—Megumi's future, particularly—it was understandable to a certain extent how that would become a factor to his decision, but that didn't justify the fact that he left his son without saying goodbye, or left your family without a speck of dirt expect for the fact that you see him every, single, day in Megumi's face. Hell, you didn't even know if he was still alive out there or not.
"Oh, honey.. of course not," you really we're struggling to keep a soothing face on. Out of instinct, your palms made their way onto his plump cheeks, cradling his face as you leaned closer.
"It's- it's difficult to explain, but it's not anything that you've done."
Gently stroking his cheeks, you took a deep breathe and completed your words delicately, "The world we live in... it's dangerous, and your father was trying to protect us. We are so, so sorry. And I-.. I know it can be hard, but he loves you, Megumi. We both love you very much."
It really wasn't much, but it was an answer. It was flawed too, filled with holes and unanswered questions that felt too far to reach, too unknown.
Your own heart was in cavernous disarray. You didn't want to paint Toji as the bad guy,—though arguably he seemed like it—to push your own sense of betrayal and hurt onto his image. You didn't want Megumi to resent him.
In the course of time, he deserved a proper explanation of what happened—one that wasn't too vague and simplified. Megumi had always been someone who felt deeply and there's a big chance that your son would have a seed of doubt and dislike inside of him, but all you wanted to do right now was give him comfort and the closure that he wasn't the catalyst of your separation.
Of course, you didn't forget to tackle the issue that was that menace classmate of his. Words are powerful weapons, and you intend to wield them in a positive manner. "Listen to me my love, you are the most brilliant and amazing boy I could ever have been blessed with. Remember that Megumi, you are our blessing. You have more bravery and love inside your heart than anybody and never, never let anyone take that away from you, okay?"
"..okay." He sniffled, wiping his tears away with the sleeve of his blazer.
"Mama loves you ‘Gumi, and you're not stupid. Don't listen to that boy and if he ever says anything like that again, tell me right away. I promise I won't be mad. It's right to defend yourself, but sometimes.. sometimes you have to be the bigger person." You reassured. When Megumi nodded in understanding, you started to press loving kisses to his forehead and eyelids until he squirmed and giggled; you relished in the small joy he displayed.
"Should we get some ice cream after this? How does that sound?" Food was truly the solution for everything.
In response, Megumi seemed to light up at the offer but furrowed his brows after and shyly looked at you with the most beautifully large, watery viridian eyes.
"Can we have yakisoba instead, please?"
Hah.. you should've known. The boy really liked anything with ginger.
"Of course we can." You replied, letting out a breathe chuckle as you ruffled his hair softly. Getting up from the carpet with slightly aching knees, you mustered a sweet, small smile and held out your hands to his, ready for a nice and warm meal to wash the heartache away.
WHAT DID YALL THINK OMG?? im a lil nervous bc i literally dont ever post anything other than pjo here.. but i actually write for a few other characters as well!
if you see this on wattpad btw, that's me! it's from my book 'rainbow connection' :D
also if this actually gets notes i will definitely be open to posting some of my other mamaguro!reader fics hehe
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what if megumi's mom never died?
WARNING: CONTAINS SPOILERS FOR JUJUTSU KAISEN MANGA!!!!!!!
(I’ve been thinking about Toji x Megumi’s mama so much and I decided to make a long rant about an AU where she lived! I’m not Gege, so take this with a grain of salt.)
To start off, it is canon that megumama was the only woman that Toji ever ‘truly gave himself to’. She made him a better person, and her death highly influenced him to do the actions we see in canon. That being said, if she was alive, ‘hidden inventory’ would be pretty boring. Toji wouldn’t assassinate Riko, and would ideally be working a random job in an office to provide for his family. However, Haibara’s death would still occur, and unfortunately, Geto would turn to the dark side. Geto was born cursed to begin with, and there are so many other factors besides Riko’s assassination that drove him insane.
Gojo’s personality had a significant change after Toji attacked him in canon. Since Toji never attacks him in this AU, I like to think his personality would be slightly different than we see now. Probably more annoying/immature. He also might not always keep his limitless technique on 24/7.
Megumi’s cursed technique would still be here in this AU, and therefore he still is Toji’s winning card against the Zenin clan. Toji likely would have more children with megumama as well, so there is a possibility of having other children with powerful cursed techniques. However, Tsumiki and Megumi would have no knowledge of one another, since Toji wouldn’t have married her mother.
Speaking of Megumi, he’d be a happier teen, and have a good childhood since he has both parents, siblings & an overall stable family life. His personality would be very different! I like to think he’d be a little bit more like Yuuji or even Gojo. In canon, he thinks his parents left him, and he had no one to rely on, which is why he behaves the way we see. In this AU, it is the opposite.
I believe Toji would allow Satoru Gojo to mentor and train Megumi. Megumi and Gojo would likely get along very well. Toji would form some what of an alliance with Gojo. Additionally, Toji would definitely train Maki & help her reach her highest potential. Toji & megumama might even take care of both Mai & Maki, knowing how cruel the Zenin clan was to them, and they all bond over their hatred of their clan. If Toji chooses to take both the girls under his wing, the relationship between the sisters would have been much much much stronger, and Mai likely wouldn’t have died.
In this AU, Sukuna and Kenjaku are still lurking and scheming. Therefore, Shibuya & the culling games & everything after would still occur, but certain things would just be a tad bit different. For example, Granny Ogami wouldn’t bring Toji’s soul back from the dead, and he wouldn’t wreck havoc. There is a 50/50 chance of Gojo being sealed. It doesn’t matter much though, because he will eventually be unsealed anyway.
If Toji interferes in the Shibuya battles that take place, there is a slight chance that deaths could’ve been avoided, such as Nanami & Nobara. However, the deaths of some characters seem unavoidable, such as Principal Yaga, Mechamaru & Grandpa Zenin. There is always the possibility of Toji dying in Shibuya too, but let's say that he survives Shibuya. Characters would still be heavily injured from Shibuya: Inumaki losing his arm, Maki & Nanami getting burns, Nobara & Nanami both losing an eye.
Since Mai is alive in this AU, the Zenin clan massacre likely would not have occurred. Megumi & Naoya would still fight over the position of the new clan head. With Megumi having support from Choso, Toji, his siblings, Maki, Mai, Yuuji, and literally so many more people, Naoya wouldn’t even be a problem & Megumi would win in a landslide….Therefore, the Zenin clan would go through vast changes, now that Megumi is in control, and has the help of Toji/Maki/Mai.
Sukuna likely would not have been able to possess Megumi. Instead, it likely would’ve been Yuuji’s body or maybe one of Megumi’s siblings (if they have special cursed techniques) bodies that Gojo is fighting in the current arc. Without Megumi/Sukuna’s shikigami, Gojo would have a much easier time defeating Sukuna. It won’t be easy to save the vessel while defeating Sukuna (we don’t even know currently in the manga what is going to happen…), so the chances of Sukuna’s vessel dying are 50/50.
After defeating Sukuna, the group likely would go after Kenjaku, and most likely return victorious. Gojo would put Geto’s body to rest once and for all.
Overall, Jujutsu Kaisen would be a bit less dark and would have a somewhat happy ending with most of the characters being alive (although some of them are not in good shape, but who gives af at least they are alive).
That’s it for now, let me know what you guys think!
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