#manifesting a 55 minute long episode

[misccy27]

So the finale is tomorrow.

I have finished rewatching seasons 1 and 2. I will rewatch season 3 tonight and try not to be too mad about the fact that I can binge the whole season in one sitting.

It turns out that rewatching the series did not in fact fix my dadrius brainrot. I still care about the found family angle so much more than any of the other tropes and plot points tbh.

But I have already manifested dadrius to the very best of my ability. It is now time to instead try to Manage My Expectations again. Like I legit don't think I've ever been this invested in a series finale. It's a problem. Even without the characterization and tonal issues in the show, there is just no way for the finale to meet my excessively high expectations at this point lol. I've gotta go into this with an open mind.

But I did make a list of things that I want to see that I'm at least decently confident we could get. I will put it out into the void that is tagless tumblr so that I can get it all out of my mind before the episode:

Belos dies. Preferably in a way that doesn't further traumatize Luz or Hunter or anyone else. I hope he suffers <3

The Collector is thwarted. I do not care how. I don't really care what happens to him tbh. Just give me a society to work with post-canon that isn't ruled by a god child pls.

A satisfying reunion between Luz, Eda, and King. Let me revel in the emotion. Stop separating them. It'll be great.

The trauma ends. I still seriously do not want to see Luz and Hunter forced into this roleplay. I don't want them reinforcing Luz's perception that she's villainous - only undermining it. I don't want to see Hunter put back into the abusive situation that he just escaped. But I will tolerate whatever they do just so long as it decisively ends and gives the kids space to heal afterwards.

All of the kids get to reunite with their parents. Even if it's in the background. I want to see Gus reunite with his dad, Willow with both of her dads, and Amity with Alador. Yes, all of them. Give me caring parents comforting their kids. This one is a reach, but I just really really want it okay?

Camila-Eda interaction. Luz has to be splitting her time between realms by the end of this. So I want some sort of idea of how this new co-parenting relationship will work, and what Eda and Camila think of each other. Just as a jumping off point for post-canon.

Darius and Hunter reunion, so long as it doesn't drastically undermine their relationship. I don't even need any huge focus on it, I get that it's a relationship between two side characters. I really just need them to take these characters and this relationship seriously enough for me to work with it post-canon. I will fill in all of the blanks, I swear, just give them one (1) positive interaction and I will live off of it forever.

Addressing Hunter's living situation. It doesn't have to be a permanent decision, but I do want them to at least acknowledge that like. This is a homeless child we've got right here. At least let me know where he's going to sleep that night maybe idk.

And that is officially too many expectations lol. I mean, 55 minutes is plenty of time for all of this but like. I know my priorities don't really line up with the writers. So it's fine. It's done, it's out there, I am Letting Go of these expectation now, I swear.

[manifestingsage]

If you’ve been around the Law of Attraction block long enough, then chances are you may have heard of the 55×5 manifesting formula. If not then I'm sure you're Curious about what it is. Let’s dive in! What Is The 55×5 Manifesting Formula? You ready for this? You basically multiply 55 by 5, and tada! You get 275. That’s it. End of article. Go home. No, I’m just kidding. The 55×5 manifestation formula is basically this: you pick your goal or desire, and write it down 55 times, 5 days in a row. This manifestation formula is often touted as some ritual from way, way back in time. But that’s not the case. It’s actually fairly recent. But! Don’t let that discourage you. Just because it’s not “ancient juju” doesn’t mean it’s ineffective! There are lots and lots of people getting incredible results from the 55×5 manifesting formula. …Wait… That’s It? Not so fast! There are a few things you need to keep in mind when doing this. And don’t worry, I’m going to keep things simple. When you’re working with the Law of Attraction, simple is the best way to go. This way, you don’t pile on resistance that could counteract your manifestation. The 5×55 Manifesting Formula Steps. First of all, you need a pen, or pencil, and a notebook, especially for this purpose. You’ll also need to devote at least 20 minutes of your time, each day. It could take a bit less than 20 minutes, if you write like The Flash. But to be safe put aside 20mins for the 5×55 manifesting ritual. Step One: Crafting Your Statement What do you want to manifest? Now is not the time to be vague. Get as specific as possible. Make it so clear that there’s absolutely no mistaking what it means. If you want to get results, then you have to be very precise and clear about what your desire is. If you’re not, your energy will be all over the place. You want it focused. Like a laser beam. Step Two: Keep It in The Present I can’t stress enough, how important it is to word your desire in the present tense. You want to impress it on your subconscious mind that your desire is already an existing fact. In other words, your desire is not even a desire. It’s just… A fact. You wouldn’t desire the sun to rise in the east because it already does. Wording your statement in the present treats your desire as a fact, like the eastern sunrise. It’s also imperative that you act like your desire is already done. Act like it’s already yours. Once you do, your subconscious mind is impressed with this idea, and it goes on to make sure this idea becomes tangible. If your subconscious mind is given the impression that your desire has already happened, then it will spur you and everything around you into action, to make that impression a fact in 3D. Step Three: Keep It Up for 5 Days How much does your desire matter to you? I’ve heard people say this method is quite tedious. By the second or third day, they’re simply tuckered out. You have no excuses, amigo. If you can sit down and watch episode after episode of Game of Thrones, then you can sit down and do this. It’s only 5 days. What have you got to lose? Some paper, some ink, and 20 minutes a day for 5 days? A small price to pay for your desires, wouldn’t you agree? Some Helpful Tips for Making The 55×5 Manifesting Formula Work While this method is obviously simple and straightforward, here are a few tips to help you maximize the potential of this formula. Do This: Do this 55×5 manifesting practice shortly before you go to bed, or shortly after you wake up. Make sure you’re either starting your day, or ending your day with this. Try to be consistent with the time you do the exercise. Make sure you do it at the same time, each of the 5 days. Or at least, keep it as close to the same time as possible. Be disciplined about setting out anywhere from 20 minutes to a half hour each day for this. However long it will take you to write it all down. You do not want to be distracted while you’re doing this.

So make sure you’re somewhere nice and quiet. Ensure your family and/or friends know not to bother you at this time. Don't Do This: Don’t talk about this to anyone. Not even the people who love you. They won’t get it, and they might make you doubt yourself. The last thing you need is doubt. It would hamper the success of the 55×5 formula. Don’t write wishfully. Your desire is a goal. An accomplished goal. That is exactly how you should word it. Word it like you already have it. Write it in the present tense, or even better, put it in the past. Don’t quit the exercise, just because you missed a day. Be proactive about it. Didn’t do it yesterday? Get it done today. You can start over today. There is no penalty here. Don’t use a...   Click here to read this complete article. Disclaimer : This article is originally published in SubconsciousServant.com. All the rights of content are owned by SubconsciousServant.com. We have published a part of the article with due credits and link to the original author and source.

[almaasi]

reaction post typed while watching SPN 15x08 “Our Father, Who Aren’t in Heaven”

THEY JUST. SENT DEAN AND CAS. TO PICK SYMBOLIC “BINDING” FLOWERS ???

--

06:16pm

probably gonna have to stop in 1 minute for dinner but let’s see what’s happening this week in Mr. Taco/Hotdog Pines For Angel But Isn’t Sure If God Commanded It

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06:18

OH YEAH ADAM

forgot about him

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06:19

hmm “lucky elephant” casino/bar

1. pink elephants  = drunk baby dumbo trippin balls

2. kinda looks like a dick

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06:23

the hell is wrong with sam’s face?? he’s looked SO tense and uncomfortable these last episodes

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06:24

sam eating salad and eileen eating a burger

given how much food symbolises in this show......i...... kinda wanna say that it means sam sees eileen as a sibling??????? given burgers are bro dean and cas’ thing

either that or she’s one of the family, but then what does it mean about sam’s salad being the odd one out?

....i typed samily there

ha

anyway i wonder if, given how eileen/sam parallels dean/cas, it’s gonna become a thing like “hey eileen i see you as a sibling” vs. dean and cas “cas i love you like a brother” / “BUT DEAN I LOVE YOU IN THE ROMANTIC WAY”

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06:27

does dean not know what “achilles heel” means

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06:28

why is there porn music playing as cas knocks on a door

is dean gonna be naked on the other side

are they playing babysitter and affronted neighbour housebreaker

.....just saying okay that comedy sting was weirdly placed

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06:30

i love that cas is like straight-up Still Here

he was like I’M LEAVING FOREVER and then dean’s like “hey i know i said you ruin everything but uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh”

wish we could’ve had that as an actual scene though

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06:37

dean: but cas if u wanna stay here, why don’t you stay here

RUDE

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FUCK I HATE THE KNIFE HAND THING

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they almost........ touch hand.........

/14 blush emojis

cas uses last of power to make dean feel okie dokie

IS HE GONNA FALL FOR DEAN AGAIN

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06:40

welp dinnertime back laterrr

_

07:50pm

watched the end of “the prince of egypt” and my father (an atheist) was very insistent on proving it factually incorrect while I JUST WANNA WATCH THE ANIMATED MOVIE DUDE

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hokay where were we

oh yeah cas was trying really hard not to hold dean’s hand

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07:54

team free will enter hell and are attacked by three lady demons

for some reason i’m thinking of cerberus, the three-headed dog who guards the gates of hell

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07:55

OMG OMGO OmG OmG ROWENA

DID SHE BECOME QUEEN OF HELL

OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH YES

THIS IS THE CHARACTER ARC SHE NEEDED

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THOSE BRAIDS

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07:57

someday i wanna do makeup as well as rowena’s makeup magically manifests. that glitter eyeliner over the black wing is mmmmmmmmmmmm

-

08:00

ahh bless

a bechdel test pass

it’s been too long

*edit* BUT DID THIS EVEN COUNT??? IF SUE IS NOT SUE

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queen of hell suits rowena better than any dress she’s ever worn

so we’ve got rowena as queen of hell, billie as death.... need one more lady in charge of heaven to complete a power trio OH YEAH AMARA. god yes give me that......... pun intended i guess

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08:03

rowena after looking at dean and cas for 1 second: “what am i picking up from you two? tell auntie rowena”

ROWENA IS THE BEST I LOVE HER SO MUCH

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two grumpy grumble butts: “it’s fine”

WOW

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YOU HEARD THE QUEEN OF FUCKING HELL YOU TWO

FIX YOUR DAMN PROBLEMS THIS INSTANT

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SAM WHAT TERRIBLE TIMING

jeez they really don’t wanna have that conversation in front of an audience

someday they better get NOT FUCKING INTERRUPTED

knock knock

who’s there

interrupting moose

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08:09

adam’s facial expressions look so much like dean’s

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08:11

for some reason i was just watching dean say “i didn’t wanna jinx it” and looking at his eyelashes and then involuntarily imagined him wearing rowena’s fake lashes

it was a good look

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dean looks so, sooo pretty in this blue shirt

maybe blue for cas’ eyes

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08:17

cas says to micheal “your father is certainly not who you knew” but not “our father” as in chuck is no longer his father

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“you called me assbutt and set me on fire”

yeah pretty much iconic, no?

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oohh jeez poor michael, poor adam

sent to hell, comes back and is aggressively greeted by the same assholes who sent him there

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dean put a black armour jacket over his vulnerable blue one to talk to adam

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08:32

dean sees cas sitting alone and gets himself a beer without offering one for cas

ohhhh that hurts

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/takes screenshots of cas’ side profile

what a good profile

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dean’s back in his blue vulnerability shirt

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OHHHHHHHHHHHHH SEND DEAN AND CAS BACK TO PURGATORY TO FETCH A FLOWER OF SYMBOLIC “BINDING” YES

FIX THE STORY WITH THEIR LOVE

*edit* ............hey. heyheyheyhey does anyone remember those promo posters from season 8 of dean poking his head out around a tree in purgatory and there was a flower there?? and as far as i know we never actually saw the flower in canon and it was Weird? foRESHADOWING or ?????? hindshadowing?

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no michael’s not coming on your gay flower road trip, dean

no third wheel this time thank u

TALK ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS WITHOUT BEING INTERRUPTED PLEASE

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michael is literally just....sending dean and cas to pick flowers together

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08:41

it’s over

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAS 10/10 THAT WAS GREAT 

I LOVE THE SETUP FOR WHERE THIS IS GOING

rowena as queen of hell 15/10 best thing that ever happened on this show

adam getting his apology and peaceing out yes good

SENDING DEAN AND CAS TO PICK FLOWERS IN FUCKING PURGATORY THE LAND OF THEIR YEAR OF PINING HELL YES

i love how self-referential this whole story has become and it’s so GOOD to have all these loose ends come back to hopefully be tied up one by one

i just....... i just checked the writer for this episode and i AM AMAZED it’s a deadly duo episode??????????????????????  H O W

bechdel test pass?? holy shit (well...... i doubt this now but still)

only woman who died was lilith and she was awful

unless you count sue but i don’t think sue was real to begin with

and there was a black guy.... with lines.... who didn’t die??? astonishing

also the pacing was like... good or whatever. at least i didn’t think it was patchy like their episodes usually are. and the script wasn’t bland and boring ?? what is happening here

PLUS ROWENA POINTING OUT THAT THERE’S soMethING GoiNg On between dean and cas which draws attention to it for later resolution, despite the audience already knowing they had a tiff

colour me impressed, anyway

[bloomingnightskty]

These all sound amazing!

Utopia Falls

It's not every day that we get a sci-fi drama series about young people in the future discovering hip hop and using it as a tool for freedom, but in 2020 that's exactly the kind of out-the-box programming coming to CBC Gem. Utopia Falls is the brainchild of R.T. Thorne, the award-winning filmmaker behind a ton of your favourite music videos (and episodes of Degrassi). With Boi-1da serving as executive music producer and choreography by the iconic Tanisha Scott, this is an Avengers-level assembly of Canadian talent, and I for one am super excited to see their collective vision manifest. It begins streaming on CBC Gem Friday, Feb. 14.

The Negroes Are Congregating

First of all: amazing title. Second of all: if you're in Toronto in March, you should make time to see this play. Written by Natasha Adiyana Morris and celebrating its world premiere at Theatre Passe Muraille in March, The Negroes Are Congregating is a poetic yet scathing deep dive into racism in Canada and around the world. I had a chance to see a workshop production and I'm telling you, this play asks certain questions that will stick with you long after the curtains close.

Transcendent Kingdom

Yaa Gyasi's debut novel Homegoing took the literary world by storm. Transcendent Kingdom is the follow-up to that bestseller, and it tells the tale of a Ghanaian family living in Alabama as they cope with depression, addiction and grief. The protagonist, Gifty, is studying neuroscience at Stanford University, trying to understand the source of her family's troubles. But when science can't provide the answers, she turns to faith. I'm excited to snuggle under my covers and read this one.

Flags of Unsung Countries

The Art Gallery of Southern Manitoba recently made a commitment to prioritizing the work of Black Indigenous and People of Colour (BIPOC) women artists in the Prairies, and they have an exciting lineup on the way. It begins with an exhibit by the brilliant Liz Ikiriko, a Saskatchewan artist now living in Toronto. Flags of Unsung Countries originated at the Dunlop Art Gallery in Regina but will make its Manitoba debut January 16.

Initiated as an attempt to understand the journey of her father — a Nigerian immigrant living with mental illness in the Prairies — this photographic installation explores questions of migration, ceremony and the concept of home. Ikiriko's work as an artist and curator is constantly inviting viewers to question the relationships and systems that we so often take for granted and this exhibit promises to do much of the same.

Zola

In 2015, the internet was introduced to one of the greatest Twitter storytellers to ever grace the platform: Aziah "Zola" Wells. In a string of 148 tweets, she told the epic tale of a road trip to Florida that includes sugar daddies and pimps, stripping and prostitution, murder and a suicide attempt. Super serious topics, I know, but as told by Wells, it was an edge-of-your-seat social-media thriller that boasted famous fans like Ava DuVernay, Solange Knowles and Missy Elliott. The film version is coming to Sundance later this month. Directed by Janicza Bravo (who's also directed some of your fave episodes of Atlanta and Dear White People) and written by Bravo and Jeremy O. Harris (the man who shook up Broadway with 2018's Slave Play), this movie promises to be a hell of a ride.

Lovecraft Country

Produced by Jordan Peele, you say? That name is all it takes to spark my interest, but this new television series also has a number of other factors in its favour. It stars Jonathan Majors (one of my new favourite actors) alongside Jurnee Smollett-Bell, Aunjanue Ellis and Michael K. Williams, and is a drama-horror that takes place in the 1950s Jim Crow American South (definitely a period ripe with material for horror). Misha Green is the showrunner, and if you ever watched Underground (which was tragically cancelled after just two brilliant seasons) you'll know why this is a very, very good thing. It comes to HBO later this year.

Controlled Damage

Viola Desmond's story deserves all the treatments: novel, major motion picture, rap songs, poems and, of course, the stage. Andrea Scott's play Controlled Damage has its world premiere at the Neptune Theatre in Halifax this February. What better way to celebrate Black History Month than by reliving a Canadian Civil Rights hero's courageous act of bravery?

Love is the Message the Message is Death

Condensing 400 years of history into a seven-minute looped video scored by Kanye West's "Ultralight Beam" sounds like an impossible task. But under the purposeful eye of Arthur Jafa, one finds a collage of images that showcases the nuance, pain, joy, sexuality, spirituality, mess, love and grief of Black life in the United States of America.

Hearing Kanye sing, "This is a God dream, this is a God dream, this is everything," while watching Jafa's meticulously edited array of images is an experience you don't want to miss. The installation is on now at the Musée d'Art Contemporain de Montréal to March 3.

Untitled Fred Hampton Project (formerly known as Jesus Was My Homeboy)

If you don't know the story of Fred Hampton — the young, charismatic Black Panther activist who was identified as a threat by the FBI and assassinated in his home by the police — please do some research before this film drops. His story is one that is both inspiring and tragic, enraging and mobilizing. It needs to be told and seen on the big screen.

Directed by Shaka King (a member of the dream team behind Random Acts of Flyness), produced by Ryan Coogler (oh, you know, just the genius who gave us Black Panther, Creed and Fruitvale Station, no big deal) and starring LaKeith Stanfield and Daniel Kaluuya, I am counting down the days until this film arrives. (It's scheduled for August, but since it still doesn't have a name...who knows!)

Soul

Seriously, Disney: can we get an animated movie with Black characters who get to stay human beings for the entirety of the film?

As skeptical as I am, I'm going to give this new one a chance, only because it boasts a cast filled with so many of my faves, including Jamie Foxx, Questlove and Phylicia Rashad. The start of the trailer also hints at some great jazzy numbers and a storyline about following one's artistic passion (I'm always a sucker for narratives like that). It comes to theatres in June.

Corrections

An earlier version of this article incorrectly stated that Boi-1da ccomposed the score for Utopia Falls. The composer is Nikhil Seetharam.Jan 13, 2020 11:55 AM ET

[nobookingway]

part one of my acing ap series! ap bio and ap lit coming soon!

so apush was my easy ap class and the test i was most worried about (ironically i did my best on this test). collegeboard is changing the exam format for next year, so i’m going to try my best to mesh my tips with that!

about the class: apush focuses on american history from 1491 to today, but the test really ends around 1990. collegeboard divide the years into 9 periods:

Pre-Columbus (1491-1607)

The 13 Colonies (1607-1754)

The American Revolution (1754-1800)

Jeffersonian and Jacksonian Eras (1800-1848)

Civil War and Reconstruction(1844-1877)

The Gilded Age (1865-1898)

The Progressive Era and World Wars (1890-1945)

The Cold War (1945-1980)

The Modern Era (1980-today)

*note that these names are a general idea of what happened and does not include events like both Industrial Revolutions and Manifest Destiny*

general tips: - take good notes! it helps so much when reviewing! - khan academy + crash course us history are soo helpful! i would watch both sets of videos and take the quizzes that khan has in order to prep for tests. - invest in a prep book! i used the princeton review one and its insanely helpful as it has practice tests in it to help you feel more comfortable about the test. - practice dbqs and long essays!!! my teacher would assign us a past prompt about the chapter we had just worked on and it was insanely helpful! also having a copy of the rubric that collegeboard uses is great too (i’m not sure if the new one is available anywhere, maybe later this month, they’ll release the new one?). but here is a list of past essays for practice!

the test: below is directly from the collegeboard website

Section I: Part A Multiple Choice—55 Questions | 55 Minutes | 40% of Exam Score - Questions appear in sets of 2 to 5. - Students analyze historical texts, interpretations, and evidence. - Primary and secondary sources, images, graphs, and maps are included.

okay so this part is a primary document followed by a few multiple choice questions. just by knowing what idea the speaker is trying to convey and what time period you’re dealing with, you can answer a lot of the questions. if you need help, crash course does a mystery document segment in each episode, which is an example of a primary source.

Section I: Part B Short Answer—3 Questions | 40 Minutes | 20% of Exam Score

- Analyze historians’ interpretations, historical sources, and propositions about history. - Questions provide opportunities for students to demonstrate what they know best. - Some questions include texts, images, graphs, or maps.

Update for 2017-18: The number of required short-answer questions has been reduced to three, and the time allotted has been decreased to 40 minutes. Students will be choose between two options for the final required short-answer question, each one focusing on a different time period. Question 1 (required): periods 3-8 Question 2 (required): periods 3-8 Students choose between Question 3, periods 1-5, and Question 4, periods 6-9

okay so this is one of the changed sections. you get less questions (last year was 4, now it’s 3), but less time as well. you have to two do two questions from periods 3-8 (so Jefferson to Cold War) but you get to choose your last one (Pre-Columbus to Reconstruction or the Gilded Age to Modern Era). In my opinion, it’s probably easier to do Question 4 since it’s more recent (but I really excelled in those periods, so it’s probably more appropriate to do whatever you’re more comfortable with). but for this section, you have limited space (a page) to write, so answer the question as concisely as possible and give all the revelant information. if it asks for one example, just give one! the graders take the first answer they see; they don’t have time to search for your answers.

Section II: Part A Document Based—1 Question | 60 Minutes (includes 15-minute reading period) | 25% of Exam Score

- Assess written, quantitative, or visual materials as historical evidence. - Develop an argument supported by an analysis of historical evidence.

Update for 2017-18: Five minutes have been added to the time allotted for the document-based question, which will now focus on topics from periods 3 to 8.

another changed section! this time you get more time and less of a range (lucky, last year’s dbq was misery for me). now for this section, it’s important to follow the rubric (which according to collegeboard, should be available in early august). but the synthesis point has been removed (which was just connecting the time period you’re writing about to a different time period), so you’re are lucky there as well! now in this section, you have to use a certain number of the documents (last years was 6 out of the 7) and include a whole bunch of requirements. as soon as the rubric comes out, i’ll do a post going over those requirements.

Section II: Part B Long Essay—1 Question | 40 Minutes | 15% of Exam Score

- Explain and analyze significant issues in U.S. history. - Develop an argument supported by an analysis of historical evidence.

Updates for 2017-18: Five minutes have been added to the time allotted for the long essay. The question choices will continue to focus on the same theme and skill but will now allow students to select among three options, each focusing on a different range of time periods: Option 1: periods 1-3 Option 2: periods 4-6 Option 3: periods 7-9

okay so this is the final section (and the one i found out a week before the exam)! you get an extra 5 minutes and an extra prompt!(last year there was only two.) this section tends to focus on things like cause and effect or difference between the period you’re given and the ones before and after it. like the dbq, you have to include a lot of things in the essay, but the requirements for this section depends on whatever the new rubric is.

and that’s the entire exam! if you’re worried about this exam, just remember, keep calm and know that whatever you make on this exam doesn’t define you as a person. you’ll be fine, honestly!

~C.T.

[111the--unknown--one111-blog]

This entire week has been a struggle. The work days are long and my anxiety is building up when I get home, stressing about the work day that follows in the morning. Work doesn’t usually stress me out except for this week because I have just started my period on Wednesday night that truly manifested itself on Thursday morning. It’s been (as you can imagine) the greatest. 

           On top of the wonderful benefits for being a woman this time of month, you can’t forget your free mood swings and lack of emotional consciousness. Oh yes. If you’re like my sister in law you just had a baby and you are in for a long painful recovery down in the lower zone. Yes, she had her baby yesterday (Thursday 02/28/2019 @1:30 pm and I were late to the delivery and didn’t get to see our nephew born. At least we made it though. Owen (our new nephew) is such a darling baby.

Flash back to what happened before we went to the hospital to see the baby. I had left work at 11:20 am to meet back at the house to go down to the hospital together. I got home and he wasn’t there. My entire body was aching and I had to take Midol. I sat on the couch and watched Hannah Montana waiting n to come home. Three episodes later I mustered the strength to get up and make Taquitos came home five minutes after I put them into the oven. We waited for them to be done and then ate them. We both received a text from his mom that the baby was born. Disappointed I missed the birth of my first nephew, we got in the car and started our drive down to Santaquin. 

I fell asleep because I was exhausted. We made it to the hospital and we checked in. We were greeted by smiles and an awkward standing routine next to hospital bed since all the sitting was occupied. s younger sister a senior in High School) excitedly stated that she was the first to hold the baby out of the family. “Wonderful.” I thought to myself. “gets to be the favorite aunt yet again to another child of Background history. This is  second baby. The first one is. She was born before and I got married and has been fawned over ever since. has definitely become her favorite aunt. That’s fine it’s just I feel left out. 

Latley I’ve felt like an outsider in his family no matter how hard I try to be apart of it. S went on a date with my cousin to her Sweethearts dance last weekend ( and I have taken them out on a few dates together since last summer). She was so excited to go with him last time I had spoken with her. They met at our house for the dance and we took pictures for  mom. Then they were off for the dance. When I asked how the date went when we were at the hospital, she threw  under the bus hard. She said that he was swearing and that he was on his phone a lot. She said she doesn’t want to go on another date with him or be associated with people like him. I was dumbstruck I didn’t even know how to respond. All I could think about was how much I hated judgmental people and how she thinks she’s better than. I shut down after that and didn’t talk to anyone very much. asked if anyone wanted to hold her baby. I said I wanted to and walked over to the sink to wash my hands. 

After washing my hands I walked towards and subconsciously tucked my hair behind my ear. was right there and I quickly pulled my hair back over my ear hoping she wouldn’t see my cartilage piercing. I’m not sure if she did or not but after the judgment segment she had about, I wasn’t going to let her notify the family about my “transgression”. I think she saw because she looked at me differently since. The only good that came out of the whole situation was holding little Owen. It reminded me of when was born (my littlest brother) 8 years ago. Owen was small and quiet. He didn’t cry. It was such a tender moment for me. 

Now let me go into detail about what else was uncomfortable. was talking to his family about housing. You can imagine where this was going. They don’t want us to move out of state we HAVE to stay in Utah. Blah blah blah BS. His mom doesn’t want us to move further North. How do I know this? Because she was recommending cities south by Santaquin. They are all saying how we don’t want to be far from family when we have a baby. I beg to differ. I don’t want to be far from my family but I don’t mind being a few hundred miles from. My kid is not their property or theirs to manipulate the mind of. I would rather be barren than give birth to a kid who grows up to be like them. Self-righteous and invasive. They are always talking to about how they can make me feel welcome. How about instead of telling me where to live, ask me where I would like to live and be supportive, instead of judging me for what I look like, compliment me on what you think looks good, instead of inviting us over for family dinner every Sunday lay off and wait for us to ask if we can come, instead of shutting down my opinions or speaking over me, listen. Instead of pointing out how great your family is and the talents of each family member, ask me about my family. I have stories I would love to share if given the chance to not have my family in the shadow of theirs. Instead of telling me I’m sweet for offering my help, let me help instead of having someone else in the family do it. 

I still have bitter feelings towards his mom deep down. I try to push it out of my head but it’s really become an obstacle. Before we were married, got in a fight with his family and his mom said to him over the phone, “When walks out that door, I will be the only woman that loves you”. She doesn’t know that I know this but she should. I told he will not keep secrets from me. I won’t do the whole he has a relationship of secrets with his mom behind my back thing.

I’m a very reserved person. I feel like anytime I make progress with his family I hit a Factory Reset button or something. I’m an introvert. And his family is just too different from mine. I try to say something and somehow someway, they make me sound stupid. I don’t know if they do that on purpose or what. It really frustrates me. Around my family I can be myself without question. Nobody makes me feel stupid in a conversation. I hate family dinners parent’s house. They last forever and my Sunday evening is gone. I don’t want to do them every week anymore. Maybe once a month or so. It’s just too much for me to keep putting myself out there only to be shoved back into the ground. I don’t want to move near them. I like where we are right now. Until gets a job that doesn’t require him to be a specific office and I can quit my job, we are staying in Orem/Provo. And when we do have all the requirements met to move, no way in hell will I let us move closer to his parents. I want to be far enough away that a trip down there would be too much to ask for once a week. Maybe once a month. I want to move out of state. 

The funny thing is, I don’t like people talking to me  non-stop especially when I am not responding. It’s so annoying. Like for instance, I’m really bothered right now with the fact that I am here at work and one of my co-workers will not stop talking for the life of her. She’s like 55 years old I mean come one lady! Shut the fuck up! If I wanted to talk to you and engage in conversation, I would be talking to you. The fact that my back is turned and all you can do is yap yap yap really puts my teeth on edge. How do you not realize that you have become such a pest in the workplace. Shut up, do your work, don’t distract me. It’s that simple. Conversation here and there is fine. But please do not talk my ear off for 6 hours. I literally find relief and my headaches go away when you leave. At first I thought I was getting headaches from the soda but really, it’s you! That’s so stupid that I am only getting paid thirteen dollars an hour to sit here and listen to you. If I wanted to get paid to listen to you talk all day, I would have applied at an old folks home for fifteen an hour. Really I should look into applying to a place that pays more if I’m going to continue with this. Today has been absolute non-stop. I really don’t want to pick up Jordan’s slack because she wants to go on a field trip with her mediocre boyfriend for the weekend. She is always taking weekends off and it’s really annoying. “Can I have all the Fridays off?” Damn Jordan did you ever think maybe I want  to kick off my weekend with no work?  Freaking stupid as I’ll get out. I’m also super bitter because I have to find a new job that will work with my new school schedule. It’s frustrating. Tara said I could leave at 4:30 everyday until October but that’s not going to work come October because I can’t just change my school schedule. I’ve already packed my day to the max and no other school schedule works with this stupid MyCanvas job.I refuse to work here this October and forward. I will find a new and better job. I need to get out of here ASAP. I know this may be dumb, but this job gives me serious anxiety. It’s so stupid I know but it’s not worth another December to be here. The money isn't worth shit. I need to prioritize school and my hubby. I also need to help make money for our hopefully new house in a few weeks. 

So I just checked the Red Tags spreadsheet and a customer placed an order two days before I left for my trip to Arizona on Thursday. Apparently this is a special customer and her orders have to be done a certain way. Well Jordan told me to keep up with her order and make sure it gets properly cut and that it’s perfect. She knew I had a trip and couldn’t do that and yet she still told me this. I did what I could and left for my trip. Sure enough, when I got back the job was not done properly and Jordan had to put in a red tag for her order. Then on our Red Tag spreadsheet, Jordan had to explain what happened and why we were putting in a reprint and she said it was because she “forgot to train me”. BULLSHIT! Damn even when I’m gone and not there she still blames me for her mistakes!I’m so annoyed that she can’t even take responsibility for this. She didn’t even check to make sure the QA’s were done even though it was her responsibility. Stupid freaking chick. 

[tigerlover16-uk]

I'm gonna be that person and ask you ALL of them! ;P (Also I've been meaning to message you lately!!)

... Well, I walked right into this one. Oooookay then, let’s do it.

1. selfie

N/A

2. what would you name your future kids?

Good question. I’ll answer you when I have any and I’ve made up my mind.

Seriously though, I have no idea. It’d probably depend on how I feel at the time and how my possible future wife would feel. I’d like to name any kids I have after characters I’m fond of, maybe Peter for a boy after Peter Parker. Probably give him Clark as a middle name too after superman. On the off chance I ever marry a Japanese woman though I’d insist we name our son Goku, but that’s a very specific situation so I don’t see it happening.

I guess if I ever had a daughter I’d name her Prima after my mother.

3. do you miss anyone?

My mother, my paternal grandparents, and all of my old pets that have passed away.

4. what are you looking forward to?

Tonight’s Dragon Ball Super episode and the My Little Pony movie. Also, my dog’s having puppies in a week, so that’s exciting.

5. is there anyone who can always make you smile?

My mum probably could have

6. is it hard for you to get over someone?

Are we talking in a romantic relationship ending sense or a friendship ending sense? If it’s the former I have no idea, no dating experience. It does take me a while to get over not talking to a friend anymore, but I cope pretty easily after a while. I like keeping to myself for the most part, I don’t have a lot of friends offline so it’s not too big a deal for me.

7. what was your life like last year?

Pretty meh, had a number of ups and downs, some really bad days, and some very good ones. And of course I discovered just how unbearably frustrating and depressing politics can really be and how much America and my own country make me want to bang my head against a wall. So, not a great year, but for me personally I coped alright. I just wish I’d done more to move forward with my life, like finding a full time job. i’m stuck in part time and I’m still looking.

8. have you ever cried because you were so annoyed?

I don’t think I’ve cried for that kind of reason. I usually only cry if I’m very sad or depressed over something, extreme annoyance tends to manifest in anger, ranting and fidgeting for me.

9. who did you last see in person?

My dad. He’s downstairs from me. Same as my sister. I just got back from seeing my nan aswell.

10. are you good at hiding your feelings?

Don’t think so.

11. are you listening to music right now?

No

12. what is something you want right now?

A cola lolly. I just finished the one I had.

13. how do you feel right now?

Alright.

14. when was the last time someone of the opposite sex hugged you?

My nan about an hour and a half ago when I left her house.

15. personality description

Nice and well meaning, and also a big idiot with low self esteem and easily frustrated, but ready to do whatever I can to help.

16. have you ever wanted to tell someone something but you didn’t?

Yes. Can’t think of any specific cases right now

17. opinion on insecurities.

They sure are worrisome?

18. do you miss how things were a year ago?

NO!

19. have you ever been to New York?

Nope. Only other countries besides Wales I’ve said foot in are England, Kenya, and Ibiza.

20. what is your favourite song at the moment?

None. I don’t really have favourite songs

21. age and birthday?

23 and February 7th

22. description of crush.

Non-existent.

23. fear(s)

Spiders

death

disappointing people

failure

24. height

No idea. I never measure myself. Around six feet though, I would imagine

25. role model

Real life: Jesus Christ, Lewis “Linkara” Lovhaug, my mother, Stan Lee.

Fictional: Peter Parker, Clark Kent, Son Goku, Steve Rogers

26. idol(s)

Isn’t this the same thing as role models? If so, then the above examples basically qualify. If this is the music term, then none.

27. things i hate

Pretty much every selfish, cruel, hateful and all around bad trait that people can have. Also, Sports. I HAAAAAAATE sports.

28. i’ll love you if…

You give me money :P

Kidding. I’ll love anyone just so long as they’re kind hearted, thoughtful and nice to me.

29. favourite film(s)

It always varies depending on how I feel at any given time. Some examples would probably include Spider-man 2, DBZ: Battle of Gods, Kiki’s Delivery Service, Wolf Children, The Hunchback of Notre Dame, Tangled, The Avengers and Rugrats: The movie

30. favourite tv show(s)

Dragon Ball/Dragon Ball Z/Dragon Ball Super, Spider-man: The Animated series, Rugrats, Ed Edd n Eddy, My Hero Academia, Power Rangers Wild Force, Justice League, Spectacular Spider-man, Digimon Tamers, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic

31. 3 random facts

I named my first cat Socks.

I Didn’t realize there had ever been any cast changes on Mighty Morphin Power Rangers until Kimberly left because I missed the episode writing out Jason, Zack and Trini, so I somehow didn’t notice that the black and yellow rangers were being played by actors of completely different races in the later parts of season 2 and season 3 until years after the fact. No, seriously, I was just that stupid as a really little kid.

Once when I was a kid I drew on the walls of my parents bedroom to make the place look like a jungle, as well as drawing whiskers and animal markings on me and my sister’s faces. I don’t remember it honestly, but I can tell my parents were mad about it.

32. are your friends mainly girls or guys?

In school most of them were boys, same for at work because there are only two women at the kennels compared to two male co-workers and my male employer. Online I’m friends with more girls than guys though.

33. something you want to learn

How to make YouTube reviews in the style of Brony Analysts like Silver Quill and Commander Firebrand. I’d like to make reviews of animation and comics, and comics related media into a hobby. but I have no idea where to start.

34. most embarrassing moment

I tend to repress those memories straight to heck, so I can’t tell you

35. favourite subject

Anything involving learning about animals.

36. 3 dreams you want to fulfill?

Being rich.

have a pet tiger.

Bring about world peace.

Something tells me none of them are coming true any time soon though. But hey, most dreams are unrealistic.

37. favourite actor/actress

I sincerely have no idea. Very hard to pick, and I don’t follow any actors religiously

38. favourite comedian(s)

Linkara

39. favourite sport(s)

NONE!

40. favourite memory

My holidays to Africa

41. relationship status

Single

42. favourite book(s)

The Harry Potter series, the Dragon Ball manga

43. favourite song ever

N/A

44. age you get mistaken for

Hasn’t really happened to me yet.

45. how you found out about your idol

No idea.

46. what my last text message says

“Can you pick up the prescription on your way home please?”

-My dad, in relation to his and my sister’s medication I picked up from the doctor’s. I actually couldn’t pick it up until the next day, but I forgot to tell him that sooner.

47. turn ons

If you mean this in the way I think you mean, then I’m not answering.

48. turn offs

See above.

49. where i want to be right now

Marathoning One Piece. I’m going to do that in a minute.

50. favourite picture of your idol

NA

51. starsign

Aquarius

52. something i’m talented at

Walking dogs

53. 5 things that make me happy

Cartoons

Cute animals

Video games

comic books

Anime

54. something thats worrying me at the moment

I have to book an appointment with the dentist soon.

55. tumblr friends

hayley566, perladelsur2000, dbzebra, and supersexyghotmew95 are the most notable. I’m not sure who else really considers me a friend, it’s not like I talk with everyone else a lot.

56. favourite food(s)

Fried chicken, pizza, salt and vinegar or sour cream and onion pringles, chocolate

57. favourite animal(s)

Tigers

58. description of my best friend

I can’t pick a best friend

59. why i joined tumblr

Just felt like it. Seemed like as good a website as any to start using, I followed a few youtubers I liked like Linkara and Joshscorcher on here anyway. Also, my friend Hayley566 was on here, so that was pretty convenient

60. ask me anything you want

Was there anything you wanted to ask?