#mano.mindtalk
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luv mascara so much but hate the trail she leaves
#i looked sooooo cute the other day and the mascara i used like. i love her we love her. but my eyes still look dark under girl it’s been#3 days 😭😭😭#tbf i’ve beeb sleeping kinda funky but still!!!!! she should be kinder about it i think#friend sent me a message saying she wantedto ask abt something and then didnt say what she needed to ask for like two hours and still hasnt#so im jittery and gonna end up oversharing on here but its better than being jittery and holding overthoughts and nowhere to put them prob#also ive been violently flipflopping between feeling sooo pretty sooo beautiful sooo everyone is so beautiful and like. abyssal dread.#brain wheres the christmas cheer …#cooked dinner for everyone today and i couldnt do every part bc i felt sick n it wasnt perfect n im gonna be dwelling on it til i pass out#in any case jitters. jittery. not going away#i feel like maybe a warm bath could help but also my hairs so long now that itd end up staying wet for long n then it might turn into#shivery jitters and then thats just insurmountable yk. so. but#in any case. i wish i could clean my room properly feel like id be less jittery n also i miss my cousins n nieces n family LMFADHDJDJD#mano.mindtalk#neg
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i need bg3 for the character creator and the character creator alone
#i don’t know anything abt it other than memes ppl have shared abt bloodweave and the internet thirsting over astarion#but like. i need. that character creator like i NEED it i could spend years making characters on it#the inner girlsgogames dress up fanatic in me came alive seeing ppl’s tavs#but i dont have anything i can run it on 😭 ugh#sad i cannot justify paying extreme sums to use the character creator on there It’s Almost Worth It#mano.mindtalk
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so cool to see loved ones change and grow…
#this is 90% me just loving my sister DHDJDHD but 10% everyone else#but like#yall my little sister’s so cool and capable and all that#and it’s so fun now to see that she really is like#fully her own person#her not being at home for uni is bizarre and we all miss her loads#but she’s really really blossoming into a like. an individual self. which sounds weird but#idk she texts me and it’s just like. oh my gosh#our family baby. is an adult. a baby adult but an adult#weird feeling cool feeling idk sisterhood. is something#it’s sweet that even like 3 hours away she still cannot resist the ‘baji did you know-‘ at any opportunity to speak#she seems so introverted but She Is A Talker#in any case#i’m excited to see where she goes and what more she becomes#not in a like. job way exclusively. but just like#see her grow into more traits and what lessons she carries with her through her experiences and all the goodness that’s bound to come#i’ve cried to you’re gonna go far kid by noah kahan too many times since she started uni to not ve aware of this stuff#HDJDHDH#mano.mindtalk
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getting better at loving myself i think. maybe
#sometimes i just look at myself. like. just being. and it's so. interesting? like#i look in the mirror and i feel. interested. not repulsed. not disappointed. not angry#it sounds silly and vain but it's so far from the way i would feel looking in the mirror when i was younger#i feel like i'm developing a fondness for myself that i didn't think was possible for me#and it's so. reassuring?#that it's possible to feel like. true true care and love for myself. and not just pity or like. idk#mano.mindtalk#i will say it makes me. a little bit sad still. that i can't seem to find a natural 'resting smile' face. like#smiling doesn't ever feel natural to me#laughing sure. but smiling. like
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i rewatched hmc so now i believe in love again. dangerous slope we’re on rn friends
#i just want someone to come back forever and ever and ever and find them over and over and over forever on loop forever forever#is that too much to ask :/#apparently yes 🙁#like all jokes and all. but i realize even when i’m suppressing it and Dealing With It and whatnot#i’m still a lovergirlie or whatever it is. romance junkie. affection seeker#uuuuggghhh. love is so nice. i love loving. but#haven’t completely let go yet so it’s not healthy for me to be fantasizing at all rn#mmm. i owe it to everyone. to let go of things and do better. and i’m gonna keep trying to do that. and so i’m gonna Not Watch HMC#bc i love sophie and howl and their love and dynamic too much#and the type of character howl is and the approach he takes#mmm. feels weird to long and not like it anymore when i used to bathe in it before#but it’s okay. working on things working on time working on me working on friendships working on growing#working on growing and filling so much space there’s no reason to long for anyone again#mano.mindtalk#anyways. hmc. thats a wonderful movie.
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🧍🏻
#friends the perfume i got ended up having like. the kind of smell i like on others right#like. a really nice rainy pine feel#and bc it’s not my day to day vibe n it doesn’t like. completely fit how i feel most of the time like i like a bit of sweetness or floral#i’ve been wearing it to bed#but i keep having dreams about unattainable mascs who are visibly out of my league and don’t want me now#😭😭😭#like i’m realizing the one constant since the dreams started has veen the perfume. but it’s soooo nice to sleep in#like it’s so relaxing n attractive n cozy#but if i dream abt someone i’m super into just being Not That Into Me one more time. well. well that might suck a little#regardless i think it’s really funny#and i will in fact continue wearing it to bed. LMFAOOO#cannot stop sniffing my wrist. shes that girl! just like. im not her but im happy yo be around her#mano.mindtalk#first mindtalk of the year! woo!!!!!
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(,:
#realizing 11:30 is heartbreak o'clock for my brain i think#like particularly with like. the burning itch to text them again#i know full well it's fruitless but my body wants me to go back and water the plants anyways. yk? like. i know it doesn't save a dead tree#if i go back every five minutes and throw a bucket of fertilizer at it#it's over. it's gone. n i can't change that. n i gotta make peace with that in a way that doesn't leave me staring at 'new message' weekly#i know it'll take me time. i don't wanna rush myself. but also like. man JKLDHFGDH like#i wish what i really wanted was for like#some patient beautiful angel to swoop in and nurse my heart back to full health so i don't have to do it myself#but i know that's not what i want anymore yk? like#i want to nurse my heart to a place better than it was at before it loved at all. like#i wanna be able to long for love without the desperation attached. i want love to be optional to my heart and not water or oxygen yk? like#desperation makes me feel crappy#maybe that's the more honest way to put it#mano.mindtalk#neg
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listening to unpredictable trying to convince my brain i have control over my life
#just gonna save myself gonna save myself honna savw myself on loop in my brain#LMFAO#i think i’m realizing a spot where i can just cbt myself up#like i have enough of a grasp on it now (thanks prof young)#and i know i’ll kinda be gaslighting myself into being more positive but i’m gonna try and make it more. based around what control i have#and what i CAN do and what is within possibility and likelihood#and stop yearning for stuff i have no control over#whether those things go in any positive way is not in my control at this point#all i can do is tru to be good and succeed and be happy without thinking about what love looks like ever and whether it’s within my life LOL#in any case. 5sos upbeat songs until i’ve been injected with enough dopamine to try and get better#mano.mindtalk
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taking off all the nail polish i spent an hour doing because one nail refuses to dry 😁
#this is my last straw 🤣😋#truly genuinely going to walk outside and start shrieking#like is the tinjest thing not allowed to gowell. is this tiny thing i’m trying to do to not feel like shit and an absolute failure not#going to work either like i truly truly feel myself going crazy i waited SO fucking long for it to set down it has veen literal hours i’m#genuinely going to go crazy#neg#mano.mindtalk#like i’m so tired of trying and trying and failing LMFAO i accept it i will never ask for anything yo go well again that’s my bad!
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listened to francis forever & didn’t cry so. Progress!
#like it absolutely hits yeah#but. i think like. realizing the core of why i want to be able to approach this in a healthy way. is helping me actually work towards being#better about it? like#yesterday i wouldve heard the autumn comes line and sobbed until i was dry heaving#but indulging that part of my brain that just wants to cry and cry and cry about it is just#turning myself into a worse and worse potential friend#and if i become someone who’s not helping at all then i wouldnt feel right being there#but i also like. idk. i want to be someone who can still be there but healthy about it. like i’m hellvent on it#so even if i can’t get myself over it i want to at least. sit healthily on it#i can’t decide if accepting that i am not and will not be over any of it for a long time is a. healthy approach#but it’s helping me hold myself accountable#so it’s good enough#like i’m not. not struggling GDJDHDHD i’m definitely struggling but#i think worrying less about where things are going to end up and thinking more about what kind of person i need to be to not. be like.#to not make things feel worse#and trying to be that#boundaries are hard but i’m trying to hold to them regardless GDJDHDH#mano.mindtalk#neg#kind of??? it’s kind of positive but still a vent kinda so under the neg tag it goes
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my friends keep changing my life
#in big and small ways#i love them so much#i can’t believe i’m so hopeful again. and jittery. and excited#like from writing again to going on the first date of my life… none of it would be possible without them#and i love them all so much#mano.mindtalk#two days two days#or i guess one since friday started but.
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getting to hades’ second phase… whew…
#i’m bad at games in general so i’m literally shaking with excitement 😭😭#died 3 seconds in but it was SO COOL#the tension. UGH. yum#god i love this GAAAMEEE AAAA#mano.mindtalk#also tisiphone learning to call zag by name 😭 best girl!!!!!
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jinming my beloved
#he’s so babygirl#his design’s pretty AND he’s clumsy AND he’s well-intentioned#no doubt in us isn’t like. the most life-changing show in the world but i’m enjoying the characterization so much 😭#mano.mindtalk
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thinking about the bg3 character customization again
#ouuuugghhhhhhhhhhh. i wanna play just the character creation bit for hours#but i don’t have anything i can run the game on so instead i’ll just#sit here and long#mano.mindtalk
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the older i get the more i realize i will be gullible forever
#and ever#😭😭😭#i’m just REALLY bad at assuming people are lying#like i can fully see the like. Oh Yeah. In This Situation. Them Lying To Me Makes Total Sense.#….But They Wouldn’t Do That I Think. Something Tells Me That They Wouldn’t Lie To Me#and the something telling me is just. my deeply held belief that people aren’t inherently evil. so like. …i mean they could but would they..#like would they really though.. they wouldn’t that’s just mean… right…..#mano.mindtalk
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zebra sarasa you are such a good pen
#i love her#favourite pen EVER#she’s perfect#if i find a better pen i’ll let yall know#mano.mindtalk
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