#margopost

[haunted-and-harrowed]

In a moment of weakness:

the caretaker takes care of a final act of business,

pills and goodbyes and “maybe we’ll see each other again.”

In a moment of weakness, the dark quiet of infinity sounds like home.

“Will my alters go to heaven?” All of them?

Even the ones who desecrate the temple?

The arsonists, bridge-burners, hellraisers,

rapists and defilers, the boys who cried wolf?

The girls who cried? Rubbing legs raw, bitten tongues,

so very “hush,” gentle secret-keepers, tenderly

guarding memories like bees guard the comb.

In a moment of weakness we could lay to waste

hidden skeletons and butterflies alike.

In a moment of weakness we could ensure

no more weak moments.

In a moment of weakness, the caretaker

becomes the cared-for. Accept and simmer.

Rest. Reconsider. Recover. Recompense.

Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

[studythunder]

I did a year in pixels for the first time! Hopefully I won’t forget about it 😅

[haunted-and-harrowed]

We had a bad dream last night. Gonna post about it here to help us process it (this is our journal space, after all).

TW: suicide mention, fakeclaiming

We dreamed our wife grew to resent us because of our plurality. We were hanging out with her and our best friend (the only other person who knows we’re a system), and our wife revealed that she actually hated us and wanted to break up.

Needless to say, in our dream we were very sad and inconsolable. Our friend agreed with our wife, though, and told us that we were faking our plurality and that we and our wife should try to get some space while we figured out a new living situation. We still ended up going back home though.

Once there, our wife confronted us about our alters. We remember specifically she was like “Ralsei, really?” She told us she had loved us before we came out as a system, but she honestly thought we were faking and she no longer wanted to be with us. We tried to convince her to stay, that we had built a life together, that we were still the same person that we were before we were open about our plurality, but she wouldn’t listen. She recognized that she was dependent on us, though, and we were dependent on her. We couldn’t just split up so easily.

So she took us to some sort of fancy building, and we got in the elevator, and she hit the 150th floor. The numbers on the elevator ticked by really fast, and the g-force was quite overwhelming as we skyrocketed to the top floor of the building. When the elevator stopped, we were on the roof.

Our wife walked to the side of the building and peered over it. She said this was the only way. We’re not quite sure who had been fronting for the majority of the dream (perhaps Parker, or maybe Alucard?) but when our wife slung her legs over the side of the building, Margo switched to the front. Fae grabbed our wife’s arm, and said something like “you don’t have to do this! This is a dream!”

After that we were stuck in an in between dreaming and wakefulness state - where we mulled over this and felt the crushing weight of not being believed by our partner. We half recognized we were dreaming, but we thought our wife’s hate for us and not believing our systemhood was rooted in truth.

We woke up for real very early. I (Margo) woke up in the body. I tapped our wife’s shoulder so she opened her eyes and told her about the dream. I asked if she still loved us even though we’re a system.

She reassured us, told us she still loved us, and mentioned our headmates by name. She told us she loved all of us exactly the way we are, and that our plurality did not change the way she felt about us in the slightest. I’m not sure where this dream came from, but it was so comforting for our wife to assure us that she believes we’re a system, and she cares for each and every one of us! We truly love her so much, the dream was certainly scary but it’s not true to her or her personality or the way she views us. We’re so glad we have our lovely mochi in our life!! 💖