#maybe i won’t heal completely but i can heal enough so that i am not anxious and on the verge of panic spells every day. that is possible.

[pepprs]

just was in a scenario where i could have spiraled (and felt like spiraling) out of control with anxiety. but i switched off my phone and i cleaned the kitchen and rth w whole time i told myself i was going to trust fall into the universe bc the universe always catches me even though i doubt / forget / lose sight that it will every single time. and then when i was done cleaning the kitchen i checked my phone and the situation got resolved. and i still feel all the anxiety symptoms like my heart pounding and my gut in knots and shaking a little (but not my head spinning thankfully lol i sure hope that is gone forever!). but i did it. i didn’t spiral and i told myself i wouldn’t panic and that everything was okay and it turned out that it was and i didn’t make it through perfectly bc im still feeling the anxiety in my body but i did that and im really proud of myself. now i have to just keep doing it

[muneca-lemon-steppa]

HCs of Alfie with a younger wife? Like in her mid 20s 💕

Hello my darling!!! I’m sorry this took forever! But I am back!!! Please enjoy this little nugget. Also y’all HCs are so fun!!!! Maybe I should do more.

He wasn’t planning on marrying a younger woman. Let’s be honest he wasn’t planning on getting married PERIOD.

But then you blustered in…

You came in. Full of wisdom so far beyond your age. Full of confidence that came from the knowledge that you were the best you you could be. Full of light that he thought would flee from a man like him.

He immediately was drawn to you. Your soothing voice that brought down his rage, which so quickly could come full force against him when he got too brash and foolish, reminding him that there’s no need to destroy what was not yet broken.

Despite the incurable draw to you, he said he would stay away. Be respectful. Be a respectful old man.

You would have none of it. Because truthfully he wasn’t that old. He was just snippy and preferred his habits. He hadn’t been a young man ever since the war. Regardless what his birth certificate said.

In truth it didn’t take too much to get him to relent. He’s just a man in front of a beautifully infuriating woman. And after a screaming match ending with you laughing at his reddening ears and hoarse voice, he let himself finally say it, “Right then. Now only my woman gets to screech at me like you do. So I’ll see you tomorrow night? Take you to the pictures and maybe dinner?”

And soon enough he asked for your hand, rumors and shaking heads be damned. He needed you more than air, and for some reason you loved him just as much.

Alfie expected his life would change once you were moved into his home. Was only natural. But he didn’t expect to change THIS much.

Or that he would like it. That he would feel like a chasm he didn’t realize he had was finally sealed up and healed with the first morning he woke up to you next to him.

Younger yes. Unorganized you were not. And very quickly upon your arrival did you see the bachelor pad state and work your magic to rectify. To turn this dragon’s cave into an actual home. Curtains and windows finally opened to let in fresh air. Ledgers and letters were filed away. The garden in the back finally being tended to to indicate actual humans lived and loved on the premises.

Remember that Alfie has been a bachelor the majority of his life. Any pretty women which came into his life were quickly shoo’d away. So to say he was puzzled by your… womanly… tools?? Weapons??… was putting it lightly.

“My dove now what the fuck are these? They look like tiny dinner rolls.”

“They’re rollers Alfie! For my hair! Gives it the wave.”

“Right right hair wave rollers yes of course. Now what about these… powders and things?”

“My rouge and lipstick darling.”

He didn’t get it at all.

Though Alfie is partial to opera and the absolute classics, he adores the new music you bring home. His family in Boston adore you immensely and have taken to mailing you the newest records in America.

If you’re extra sweet, you can usually coax him to dance with you, spinning yourself around him in a tizzy. By the end of your evenings he’s drunk without even a single sip of rum.

He’s never been so happy. So care free. But there is this nagging feeling in his stomach. One that won’t go away. That maybe you’re not truly happy. That you’re secretly wishing to be back out with the young people. To go out dancing in pretty dresses instead of in the living room in your dressing gown. To be fawned over in illustrious restaurants instead of cooking dinner together most nights. Had he robbed you of your youth simply because he’s selfish?

He never tells you this. No being a man means keeping your feelings inside and not letting your woman see you less than perfectly confident. (His words not mine)

But you read him so easily. It’s easy when you love someone so completely. Especially if your lover gets the deepest scowl on his face when he’s troubled, staring deep into space.

When you finally coax him out of him, he merely grumbled like a shifting mountain, trying to brush it off.

But oh how he wished he told you sooner. You assure him that you never really enjoyed the clubs and high society outings. You much preferred to stay home with your friends and other loved ones. What could possibly be out there that could even come close to what you have in the house.

When you do manage to get out of the house, either to the cinema, walking Cyril, venturing out for dinner, or because you insisted that walking is good for him, he is fully aware of the stares.

Some are… disapproving. As much as they can be towards the King of Camden. But the ones he is most irritated by are the love sick stares of the young men who trail after you. Clearly covetous and stupid enough to be blind to the beast that walks close beside you.

He is shocked you don’t notice. When he brings it up to you, you merely laugh, “Why would I be noticing men staring? The only man I’m concerned with is you.”

That comment makes him smirk wickedly, grasping firmly to your waist as you laughed brightly, swatting his chest playfully when he growls in your ear.

For all your ferocity and fiery eyes, Alfie still dotes on you and frets over you. Little presents are common. He insists on you bundling at the slightest drop of temperature or precipitation. And begrudgingly “permits” you to attend to errands on your own (you and everyone else knows he would never forbid you unless it was truly dangerous. But he loves to rile you up and tease).

You’ll never want for anything being his bride. Nothing is off limits for you. Even if he does make a show of pulling out bank notes, groaning about how his bank account suffers. Even when he’s the one that insists on buying you new things.

He may be the older one, but you are some how so much more wiser and practical. Anchoring him to the present when the nightmares come. Secretly convening with his doctors to heal the deep aches and malaise. He insists you’re magic.

To some it’s unconventional. Your love doesn’t make sense. But to those who truly know, you’re a match made in heaven.

[writemekpop]

Hot & Cold | Lee Taeyong

Summary: All you want is some loving from your ice cold mafia boyfriend Taeyong...

Genre: Mafia AU, angsty

Word Count: 1.3k

You sit across from your boyfriend Taeyong in a dimly lit bar in Itaewon. 

You’ve just finished another successful mission for the Seoul mafia. Honestly, you don’t understand why Taeyong called you here – you’re not the type to go on ‘dates’. 

“They… offered me a new mission,” you said. “In Japan. For a year.”

You search Taeyong’s gaunt, handsome face for a flicker of pain, but find only seriousness. 

“That’s good,” Taeyong said coolly, sipping his beer. “You deserve it.”  

You can’t hide a little grunt of frustration that leaves your lips. 

Taeyong frowns. “You’re… unsatisfied. You want some show of emotion from me?” He looks away. “Well, you won’t find it.” 

“Oh, don’t worry,” you hiss. “I would never expect that. It’s not like you’re my boyfriend or anything.” 

Taeyong glares at you. “The Y/n I know wouldn’t care about kisses or sweet nothings. She’s lethal – feared by everyone south of the border.”

You bite your lip. “Can I not be lethal and loving?” Your voice drops. “I can’t remember the last time you said, ‘I love you.’” 

You slowly realise that this conversation, like every serious one with Taeyong, is completely one-sided. Maybe you should finally give up. 

You stand up and put on your leather jacket. “If the mission goes well… I might be moved to Japan permanently,” you say, turning. 

You tell yourself you’d be okay never seeing Taeyong again, but you know you’re lying. Secretly, you’re begging Taeyong to say something, to sweep you off your feet. What a stupid, schoolgirl fantasy. 

All Taeyong says, coldly, is, “I wish you the best.”

You take a deep breath, wondering if this was the most low-key breakup in history. 

---

Three years ago, you were young and hungry, with no family, eager to rise up the ranks of the mafia like Taeyong. However, he barely noticed you. 

It all changed when you took a police officer’s bullet for him, saving his life. As you lay there, bleeding out from your leg, Taeyong sat with you for hours, holding your hand with an iron grip. 

After that, he would enter your room every night to change your dressings. In the moonlight, he would gently dab your skin, showing impossible kindness. It drove you crazy to have him so close, but you waited for him to make the first move. 

One night, you told Taeyong that your leg was healed, but he came to your room anyway. Instead of tending your leg, his hand grazed up your thigh… your waist… your cheek. 

Why am I always the weak one? you remember asking. Taeyong almost smiled. Everybody has a weakness, he said, placing a kiss on the palm of your hand. You, my darling, are mine.  

Taeyong came back the next night, and the next, and so on… until, in the shadows, you created a relationship. 

A part of you always worried that Taeyong didn’t love you enough to be your boyfriend in the light of day. You realised that that was exactly right.  

---

Just then, you feel a strong hand gripping yours. 

You turn, and Taeyong is frowning, his eyes desperate. “Don’t – go,” he says thickly. 

Your lips are tight. “Why?” 

“Because – I don’t want you to,” he says. 

“Why not?” He gulps. “I want… you. Won’t you stay?” 

You stand there, crossing your arms. “Prove it to me.” 

Taeyong balls his hands into fists on the table, his face strained. “You know I can’t do that.”

You shrug. “Then you know my answer."

You turn away again, and suddenly, Taeyong is gripping your hand again. He bends, and pulls the long, shaggy hair away from his neck to reveal the soft skin beneath. 

A long brown scar snakes around his neck. You gasp, and unthinkingly reach out to touch it. To your shock, he does not stop you. He only grits his teeth. 

You’ve heard about Taeyong’s last girlfriend, how she betrayed Taeyong to a rival gang and almost got him killed. He’d never talked to you about it. 

“This… made me believe that love is weakness,” he says quietly. “I was wrong. Love is everything.” 

He stands, so that your bodies are only a few inches apart. 

Taeyong has never been this intimate with you, not in the daytime and certainly not in public. 

---

You’ll never forget the first night you saw Taeyong naked.  

All those night-time meetups in your apartment had left you sick with desire. You wanted Taeyong, you wanted to love him, to fuck him, but for some reason… it had never happened. 

One night, Taeyong abruptly said, It’s not that I don’t want to. 

You frowned, not understanding what he meant. Believe me. His eyelashes fluttered. I want to. The problem is that when you see me naked… you’ll no longer want to. 

You shook your head, unable to imagine a world where you didn’t want to sleep with Taeyong. Never, you said. 

But still, when Taeyong pulled off his black coat, waistcoat and shirt to reveal a body criss-crossed with so many wounds that it was more scar than skin, you felt a tiny jolt of fear. Each one of those scars came from fighting – and winning.

You were about to tell Taeyong that it didn’t matter, that nothing could stop you from being with him, but it was too late. As soon as he saw your reaction, he dressed again. The moment was lost. 

You continued talking, laughing, crying together… but you never broached the subject of sex again. 

---

You forget how to breathe. 

“May I?” he whispers. 

“Yes,” you say. 

Torturously slowly, Taeyong places his hand on your waist and pulls you tight to him. You love his hard, wounded body. So many nights, you’ve imagined kissing every part of it, memorising each scar. 

He leans closer. 

You can see the fear in his eyes. 

His breath is hot and trembling on your face. 

Finally, your lips touch. On a rollercoaster of shock and delight, you forget how hard this must be for Taeyong. You grip the back of his shoulders, and pull him closer, kissing him so deeply it’s as if you’re trying to fuse your bodies into one. 

This time, for the first time, Taeyong doesn’t stiffen, he doesn’t pull away. His hard, straight posture melts away, and he leans into you, bowing your bodies. 

When you’re finally forced to break away, you’re breathless. Stars dance in your eyes. Taeyong looks possibly worse – his face is flushed and he looks like he might need to sit down. 

“That was-“ he starts-

“Incredible,” you say. 

“Unhealthy,” he says. 

A smile creeps onto both of your faces.

“I suppose I could find a mission in Korea,” you say, taking a gulp of his beer. “Seeing as my boyfriend is so desperate to have me stay.” 

He snatches the glass from you. “Don’t forget – I could beat you in a fight.”

Laughing, you skip over to his side of the table and hook your arm around his throat, pushing his head against your chest. “Are you sure?” you whisper. 

Your heart is racing. Taeyong might get angry. You might have gone too far with the play flighting, drunk on today’s victory. 

Taeyong turns slowly in your grip. You feel his hot breath against your chest. Your arms loosen. 

To your surprise, Taeyong brings his lips to your neck and leaves a trail of kisses that is wet and smouldering and completely inappropriate for a bar. Delightful shivers run over your skin.

Taeyong looks up at you, a smile curving his lips. “I can’t believe I was so worried about my own body that I passed up the opportunity…” his eyes run up your body, shamelessly glued to every curve “to see this.” 

You intertwine his fingers in yours. “Then let’s not waste another moment.”

Taeyong smiles and rises. “Couldn’t agree more.” 

—

MAIN MASTERLIST

Let us know what you thought in the comments or on anon! 💋

[katnissdoesnotfollowback]

Headcanon: Katniss tries to help Peeta at the bakery and burns her wrist. From then on until it heals after her bath at night Peeta sits behind her on the bed and brushes out her hair slowly and rhythmically

Can I interest you in some domestic post-mj fluff (or maybe it's hurt/comfort?). You'd think I'd know how to classify this by now. Rated somewhere between G and T depending on how you feel about non sexual nudity.

Enjoy!

<3 kdnfb

I’ve always hated burns. The way even the smallest of them causes excruciating pain. And now I have hundreds of reasons to hate them. And even though, as a baker, Peeta’s used to small burns on his own skin, he always submits to my care when I demand he let me soothe his hurts with whatever cold substance we have available. Ice from the freezer. Cold water from the tap. Snow from the ground if it’s winter and he tells me about the burn while we’re walking home.

But that hasn’t made it easy for me to accept his caring when I hurt myself. Sometimes, I’d rather hide it from him and find a closet to hide in while the memories of my sister feel contained in that tiny new burn, making the already unbearable pain into something unimaginable. At times, I think I may combust once again, the blaze starting at the new wound and consuming me within seconds.

This time, though, I can’t hide it. Peeta was right beside me as we were baking. He was trying to show me how to make the cheese rolls I love so much.

“I’m sorry,” I whisper as he holds my arm under the tap, running it full cold over my wrist. His grip on me is too tight to allow me to even pull back, let alone escape and run away.

I watch his jaw clench and rest my forehead on his chest, repeating my apology as the tears in my eyes burn almost as badly as my wrist. I want to collapse, but Peeta’s body pressing me against the sink won’t allow for even that.

“Stop it, Katniss. Stop apologizing.”

“I ruined them. I ruined the rolls,” I whimper and turn my head enough to spot them still scattered on the floor from where I dropped the tray after it slipped just enough in my grip to burn my wrist.

“I don’t care about the rolls,” he says and then twists his body, reaching for the cabinet where we keep the burn creams.

He sets it down on the counter and then grabs my chin, forcing my head up to look at him.

“Hey. Look at me, Katniss. I’m right here. Don’t look away. Say it.”

I take a few deep breaths, entranced by the depths in those blue eyes. The plea in them that whispers to me, begs me to understand his terseness. “You don’t care about the rolls.”

“I really don’t. Come on. Let’s get some ointment on this.”

It still stings, the ingredients designed to continue cooling the area and numb it as well. But it’s never enough to completely get rid of the pain.

I only know when he’s done because Peeta scoops me into his arms and carries me upstairs. He sets me down on the bathroom counter and starts the water in the tub, drizzling in fragrant oils. 

“I’ll be right back,” he says and gently kisses my forehead. “I’m just going to make sure Buttercup doesn’t find the rolls and try to eat them. Don’t get in the tub alone.”

He’s only gone for a few minutes. I don’t budge during that time, but the tub is close to being full so Peeta turns off the water and helps me down from the counter, slowly stripping me, careful of my burned wrist. Then he lifts me up and lowers me into the tub.

As his arms retreat, he grips my injured arm and holds it out of the water before setting it on top of a rolled towel on the edge of the tub. I’m only half there as he brings a stool, screeching loudly on the tile floor, right next to the tub. Only half noticing the feel of his hands washing my body, all except for the injured arm. 

But he must wash my hair because when I am able to note my surroundings again, we’re seated on the bed, positioned so that I’m gazing out the window, watching the breeze play with the curtains and the vibrantly red, orange, and yellow leaves shivering in the trees outside. I turn my head slightly when I feel a tug on my hair and realize that Peeta is drying my hair. Carefully gathering up bunches of it and squeezing out the the water, absorbing into a soft towel. Again and again and again.

“Start your list,” he suggests and I inhale the soothing scent of the cream I use in my hair to make the tangles easier to brush out. The scent of rose oil, but not the cloying, mutated smell of Snow. Gentler, wilder, softer. Peeta works the oil in my hair as I start the list, with Cinna this time, because Peeta’s hands in my hair reminds me of my old friend.

My eyes drift shut and Peeta hums encouragingly as I keep talking. He brandishes a comb and when I shiver, he pauses.

“Are you alright?”

“It’s soothing, don’t stop just…” He waits and I breathe in deeply. “I used to comb Prim’s hair, when Mom couldn’t and… I miss my mother braiding my hair.”

“I know. I’m sorry I’m such a poor substitute,” he says, lighthearted and without any self-pity.

No one needs me.

I lean back and turn my head, until I can see his face. I bend my uninjured arm to cup his jaw and his hands fall away from my hair.

“Say it,” I whisper and tug on his blonde curls until his lips brush mine. “Say it, Peeta.”

“You like it when I comb your hair. Real or not real?”

“Real. Say the rest.”

“I’m not a poor substitute.”

We’re distracted for a moment as his lips move over mine. Until he gently pushes me forwards again.

“Let me finish, impatient,” he teases and I smile, ever so slightly. 

He resumes combing my hair. Steady and rhythmic, not unlike the way he kneads dough in the bakery, only much softer and gentler. Still, I find myself humming a quiet tune. A love song I remember my father singing for my mother. I don’t sing just yet though and the smile still curves over my lips when he’s done and secures the end of my braid with a leather hair tie. He bends over then and kisses my bare shoulder. 

It’s only then that I realize I’m wrapped in only a towel and stand to put on a nightgown. After, Peeta applies more ointment to my arm.

Every day after that, he helps me bathe and braid my hair, careful to keep my injured arm clean and dry until I can stand water on it again. When we finally deem the burn healed enough to no longer need bandages, I ask him to join me in the tub and scoot forward after he undresses, leaving room for him to sink into the water with me, His thighs hugging tight to my hips and his lips soft on my shoulders, the back of my neck. He gently grasps my wrist and bends my arm until he can kiss the small new scar. And after we bathe, he combs and braids my hair for bed.

[wanderingwomanwondering]

911 Season 7 Critique

This is a long post. If you don’t make it to the end, I totally understand.

I know we all have lots of feelings about this season and most of what I’ve read from others in the fandom here on tumblr has been overwhelmingly positive, but I have serious and persistent concerns. Here me out, if you’re willing and able.

This entire season something about 911 has felt off for me in a big way. I couldn’t quite put my finger on exactly what the problem was until recently. All I knew was that season 7 was weird out the gate. Now I finally think I have something coherent to say about this season now that it’s over. The whole season’s main plot(s) have been overblown and overworked. All season long, the characters have felt bodysnatched by extraterrestrials being just similar enough to our beloved characters to not raise total alarm - at least initially - but different enough to snatch some epic side-eye outta me. Then ep 4 happened and the whole time I was a mix of elated and confused. Anybody who’s been paying attention for the last 7 years knows that Buck is queer so that wasn’t the shocker. For me, it was the way everything went down in ep 4 with the characters that felt heavy-handed and untrue to who they are. The weird strange bizarreness through the season just kept on coming like a freight train with no breaks or relief. By the finale I was scratching my head and kinda irritated because the tiny bit of actual character work that we saw over the course of the season was odd as hell and now it’s over and I’m not really excited about much of anything that’s supposed to be coming in s8. The characters feel too ooc and the plots feel too uncharacteristic of 911. Like for a bit there I thought I was watching Days of Our Lives meets Miami Vice meets The Walking Dead, and that’s not what I signed up for with 911.

Season 7 left me earnestly wondering: Where are the family feels, the tight bonds, the heartfelt connections, the vulnerable conversations, the healing community that is the 118, the fucking togetherness? Everyone feels like they are adrift and alone without the found family support that they enjoyed in previous seasons. This season has been a trauma fest with little to no emotional payoff. Drama for its own sake. Problems resurrected, rehashed, blown way out of proportion, repackaged, and sold as authentic current issues. This season I felt like I was watching a completely different show.

Yes we are on a new network. Yes Tim is back. Yes a bit of shake up can be good. But this doesn’t feel like a good shake up. I feel like I’m being jerked around for sport. Like past BS is being thrown in my face instead of laid on the table and worked through by the characters that I know and love. Season 7 was mostly just trauma porn and I did not enjoy it.

Yes we could argue that Tim is trying to grab the attention of new viewers on a new network. But honestly that kind of feels like a cop-out explanation given what he delivered. If I were new to this show, I would not feel like I have any idea who these characters are beyond the wild crap that happens to them. I feel like I know more about how to sink a cruise ship or how to traverse the desert than I do about how the characters relate and connect with one another.

As someone who’s watched 911 from the very beginning live and in real time, the plotting, pacing, and character choices in season 7 feel like Tim is putting on a show instead of telling stories. Shows are a wacky wild ride with little cohesion and/or progress; characters take a backseat to whatever the ptb can cook up for the weekly plot. Stories center characters and what’s happening to them is processed by them and moves their arcs along in mostly coherent ways. A show is ‘shit happens’. A story is ‘shit happens TO ME AND I DEAL WITH IT in ways that show the audience who I am and what matters to me’’.

Maybe season 8 will feel more like a story since it won’t be a truncated season, and season 7 has reintroduced people to - aka dredged up long-past but somehow present again - character issues. I don’t know. I hope season 8 is more coherent, character-focused, and progress/healing-oriented like previous seasons have been. Honestly the show has been running too long to act like rehashing the past over and over again is enough to carry it for 7 more seasons.

Anyway, my specific concerns with season 7 are below the cut.

The main plots have just been hilariously bad. Soap opera levels of wtaf.

The cruise ship disaster had pirates, cheaters, and poorly-developed conflicts between lovers all of which (mostly) came out of the thin blue sea air and/or were handled in incredibly ooc ways. MIssing groom because of viral encephalitis. Hospital wedding like its a good thing and preferable to the warm fuzzies that Madney deserved. Long-dead wife put on such a high pedestal by Eddie that she walks the earth once more. Bobby chasing a random man from his past into the desert to say/do what exactly? All while mixing it up with a literal Mexican cartel. A desert crossing complete with traumatic flashbacks, a car crash, and a makeshift stretcher. (Bobby should have left Amir where he was after the crash and just walked the mile to the road without him in tow. But instead he slowed himself down and risked sunstroke in the process. That was a drama choice made by the writers, not a paramedic/firefighter choice made by the character.) Post-house fire Bobby’s heart stops for 14 whole ass minutes and he wakes up fine and perky as meringue. Athena Grant choosing cold-blooded vengeance over holding vigil for her allegedly dying husband. Racist and misogynistic Gerard returning for absolutely no narrative or character-related reason at all, at least not for one that couldn’t be more effectively accomplished by some/any other means.

The women have been side-lined in their own stories, and/or their characters altered in problematic ways.

Hen dismissed the councilwoman’s son in the season’s opening arc and ignored his potential injuries because he was being an asshole. A lesser paramedic would do that, but NOT our Hen. Also that plot point was unrealistic af because if someone is not in their right mind to make a life-saving decision for themselves, like in the case of intoxication, medical personnel can ethically treat them anyway. It was such a weird plot/character choice to Hen use that guy’s intoxication as a reason NOT to treat him when it’s actually a great reason to go ahead and check him out. She should have and would have worked the problem (poised and professional) instead of storming off in a huff (emotion-driven and unethical) because that guy was being a dick. Hen is not easily unsettled, nor is she unprofessional!

Hen and Karen were oddly clueless about Mara’s trauma and the fact that it was actively relevant to her behavior when they took her in, despite the fact that they have fostered several children at this point in the story. They considered “returning her” before they considered the trauma factor. Unreal. Our Hen and Karen were not born yesterday, are no strangers to hard times with foster kids, and have hearts the size of the 7 seas. This writing choice made no sense to me and made Hen and Karen feel like extraterrestrials to me. Ignorant ones at that. In the finale, Hen didn’t tell Karen she was going to see Mara. Like. Why? They talk about everything. Hen claimed it’s because Karen would have tried to stop her but we all know that would have been a half-hearted comment while she put her shoes on and grabbed her purse. No. Hen and Karen are partners and they act like it. The one woman show era between them has been over for a while. Especially when it comes to their family.

Athena and Bobby had a conversation at the end of season 4 about cutting each other out and leaving each other emotionally stranded and since then have been actively committed to communicating and staying a team. So what the hell was that vibe between them on the cruise. Athena was evasive and weird the whole time and in the most banal gender stereotyped way possible. In addition, Tim seems obsessed with women as damsels in distress this season which is not and has never been Athena’s vibe. Even with the Jeffrey arc in season 5 while she coped with the trauma of that encounter, she displayed agency. So I’ll never understand her indirect approach to dealing with Bobby running off to ‘Step 9’ Amir or her decision to turn right around and talk to Amir about Bobby instead of talking to Bobby directly. Athena is a direct person, especially about her family. She cuts to the quick and gets to the heart of things. The drama I needed was Bathena working through Athena’s fears for Bobby and Bobby working through his trauma/recovery with Athena…not a Mexican cartel and shenanigans in the desert. Then there was the way Harry talked to Athena when she discovered that he ran away from Miami. Athena’s response to Harry would have been understanding but corrective. She wouldn’t have stood there and let him disrespect her. Not in a million lifetimes. She also wouldn’t have left her allegedly dying husband at the hospital to reenact a revenge plot from some B movie. Plus what was up with her blaming herself for Amir supposedly burning the house down, and her doing no police work to puzzle out what happened? She just went on an emotion-fueled rampage. That’s not how Athena operates. Remember her namesake, goddess of WISDOM and warfare. Come on bffr.

Maddie. Oh where do I even start. From ep 1 she was treated like a means to an end instead of the first responder former nurse badass that she is. This whole season, she comes across as ‘just another dispatcher’ instead of the focused problem-solver and active agent that we know her to be. Prior to season 7 Maddie would have had her thinking cap fully on right along with Hen in the first episodes as they worked out a way to get in touch with the cruise ship. Calling Tommy could have even been Maddie’s idea since Chim and Tommy are still in touch but Hen and Tommy don’t seem to be. Then there was the whole Maddie hearing what she expected to hear with the abuse victim on that one call. Like. What?! This is not Maddie’s first rodeo, she is not easily unsettled, and she’s a damn professional. She would have done what she had to do to emotionally regulate and help the woman in danger before she let herself ‘hear what she expected to hear’. Admittedly she would have cried the whole time because that’s JLH’s jam and she’s good at it but Maddie wouldn’t have fallen down so hard on the job (especially not after what happened in season 3 with Tara and Vincent). And the wedding stuff! Maddie was just watching and waiting instead of using what she knew about her partner in life Chim to deduce where he might go or what he might do. Instead of collecting information about their previous calls and how they might be playing into Chim’s disappearance, she was busy being insecure about whether Chim actually wanted to marry her. Mind you, Maddie was the one who was originally reticent about marrying again AND she’s the one who proposed to Chim. After all the drama with the ring, there is no world in which Maddie would have imagined Chim was running from her. She would have known something bad was up and that it had nothing to do with their love for one another. In the finale Maddie calls Chim to talk about Athena’s suss behavior but Maddie has more connections and professional wherewithal than just ‘call my husband he’ll know what to do’. She would have called the precinct and asked about 727-L-30 in a discreet way and put most of the pieces together herself and then actually sent Chim and Hen to stop her. And she would have been ready at a moment’s notice to call the cops on the rogue cop. The way that scene actually played out felt more like gossip on the high school bleachers than Maddie doing her actual job.

The relationships seem plain odd/ooc, distant, and/or superficial. Very few vulnerable emotional conversations happened and when they did they felt generic, shallow, and/or incomplete.

Bobby and Athena on the cruise. Athena just didn’t feel like herself because she refused to talk to Bobby. When they did finally talk it was when they were about to drown and it was more of a mini-therapy session for Bobby. After Amir was introduced, Bobby pulled away again and Athena let him. Then Athena chose to approach the traumatized stranger rather than have a talk with her own damn husband. When they finally confronted each other about that situation, she walked away from Bobby almost like she was punishing him for walking away first instead of them both leaning into the conversation as partners. Really? Bffr.

Buck and Eddie having a bro convo about womanizing in the early episodes of the season. The ‘hey pal please talk to my kid bro because you have experience with these issues’ rather than the all important ‘there’s no one in this world I trust with my son more than you’ vibes of it all. Eddie making limited eye contact with Buck and ignoring him in ep 4. Eddie’s physical demeanor in ep 4 being bro-ed up and distant. Yeah I know we can argue that was all from Buck’s perspective in the moment but that explanation seems insufficient to me because it was so extreme, and was kind of maintained in some ways throughout the season. The ‘i’m gonna maim my best friend’ energy of the bucktommy origin story despite the fact that buck is not violent at all and definitely not towards loved ones. (Tim seems determined to ruin everybody just enough to generate unnecessary and ooc drama.) Buck’s weird dudebro conversation with Eddie while on his date with Tommy as if the foundation of buck and eddie’s relationship has ever been conversations about women solely to assert their heterosexuality * facepalm emoji * The super textbook sterile coming out scene in ep 5 like these guys aren’t besties and don’t actually know each other deeply. I wanted that coming out scene to have 504 patio conversation energy, not whatever it was we got in 704. Like that coming out conversation could have played out the exact same with one of the no-name background firefighters at the 118 or with Connor or some other rando. It felt so impersonal to who they are and to their particular brand of vulnerable courageous conversations. Honestly even the hug in 704 was weird. I was happy to have it but it was still weird. The kitchen conversation in ep 9 at Eddie’s place felt odd and incomplete for buddie. We get queer sexual innuendo (‘skulking around my back door’), basic mutual acknowledgment of worry about the dead wife doppelganger, and that’s a wrap? Okay I guess * eyeroll emoji * Then we had the finale where Eddie is obviously losing his mind and Buck is just sitting on the arm of the couch like ‘i dunno what to tell you man’. Like they’ve never had a (chris) conversation before in their life. Like buck wouldn’t have been the one to VOLUNTEER to go talk to chris without eddie spelling it out. Like buck wasn’t the person who stayed with chris talked to him and took care of him when eddie got shot and when eddie lost his damn mind in 513. The buck in the finale was not the buck who did all those things. He was so bodysnatched it’s not even funny. Also, in what world would buck have snarked that chris can’t keep eddie out of his room??? Buck, my good sir, if eddie wanted to break down chris’ door he wouldn’t have called you over bc he can do that on his own without a consult. That scene felt ooc af plus the dialogue was just plain dumb.

Hen and Chim have barely had a meaningful friend moment this season. It’s mostly Hen razzing Chim, a polite smile, or nada. Let’s not even talk about the ‘betrayal’ in the beginning with the councilwoman’s son and then the deeply meaningless drama that ensued after. So much so that they commented on it in a joking way on the helicopter. That’s not how Hen and Chim roll. They give each other clear and unapologetic honesty at all times. Not the cold shoulder for sport which is what it felt like when Hen finally said she wasn’t actually mad. The gender and racial implications of how that played out are not lost on me. It felt like a 180 from how these characters normally interact in serious circumstances. Complete waste of time and invented drama for drama’s sake. I don’t blame Hen and Chim for that, like everything else I’ve mentioned in this critique of the season, it’s pure writing room weirdness.

Bobby’s locker room conversation with Buck in ep 9 was more like mentor-mentee than father-son. We’ve stated that as their dynamic several times but that’s not what we got in that locker room. They were standing several feet apart, Bobby and Buck smiled politely, no hug, no shoulder pat. Just textbook sterile ‘you’re okay kid’. Bobby could have given that speech to no-name firefighter number 12 and it would have felt the same.

You mean to tell me in the finale that Bobby was just gonna stroll back into work in uniform after quitting like nothing happened? Like he’s still employed. My good sir, you didn’t even call headquarters before showing up to be like ‘just kidding i want my job back’. You mean to tell me Buck and Ravi were at work, in uniform and clocked in, but didn’t already know Gerard was there? You mean to tell me Bobby was supposedly that allergic to having a real emotional/vulnerable conversation with literally anybody that he strolled into work WHEN HE NO LONGER WORKS THERE like he was gonna get to actually work??? I just can’t -

Anyway, this post is long af so if you made it to the end, thank you. Honestly, I'm still processing this season but as of now, in the words of Lady Catherine de Bourgh, “I take no leave of you, [Tim Minear]. I send no compliments to your [season 7 showrunner decisions]! You deserve no such attention! I am seriously displeased!”

[swampthingking]

i’m excited for a million things in tsc, but right now i’m thinking about if/how nora will write the dynamic between jean and jeremy. (even if jerejean doesn’t happen, i anticipate jeremy’s kindness towards jean to be a part of the story.)

i can see jean wanting to push jeremy for a multitude of reasons. i can see jean feeling untrustworthy of jeremy’s optimism and wanting to push him, like, “there’s no way you’re really like this. i want to see who you are behind the cameras.” jean kind of starts prodding jeremy to see what makes him tick. what makes him snap. what he does when he snaps, what he says. if he’s violent. especially if they’re rooming together (my hc is that jeremy volunteers himself to room with jean. he trusts his teammates, but feels responsible as the captain for making sure jean gets settled). in that case, i imagine jean would either:

1, rile him up on purpose so he doesn’t have to anticipate when jeremy snaps, that way he can control when it happens. and once he knows the signs, he can protect himself in the future.

i think eventually, jeremy will get fed up at jean’s antagonism (because let’s face it, jean is going to be a bitch at some point or another and i cannot wait for it) but jeremy won’t react the way jean is expecting. maybe his face gets red, his ears turn pink. he starts to breathe a little heavier, maybe his fists clench, and jean is preparing to be hit. he went through jeremy’s things—knows he doesn’t carry any weapons—but jeremy lifts enough to pack a punch. so he waits. but jeremy just says, “i am not in the right headspace to have a conversation right now.” and leaves the dorm. jean doesn’t feel bad necessarily, just perplexed. a little pissed, honestly. like, “i put in all this effort to piss you off, and you just walk away?” and kind of wants to be hurt. exy and pain were the only constants in his life for years—they went hand in hand, that doesn’t just go away overnight. if jean pulled this shit at the nest, he would have been dealt with ages ago. not being hit is almost worse, because he at least was expecting that. he wasn’t expecting an emotionally intelligent, “i need space to think.”

eventually jeremy comes back, sees jean sitting on the bed, just waiting, and he says, calm and collected, “i can understand your transfer wasn’t ideal, but i’m not trying to make your life harder. i want you to feel safe. i want you to feel independent. and eventually, i want you to be happy, whenever you’re ready. but you’re not going to take your anger out on me, and you’re not going to take it out on the rest of the team.” and jean is just kind of??? stunned??? like?? is this a fucking joke?? but jeremy is just standing a safe distance away, with his arms crossed, waiting for jean to say something. so jean nods, kind of dumbfounded, still a little on edge, because what the fuck do you say to that? how do you argue with someone who saw through your bullshit plan and completely disarms you? and jeremy asks if jean’s eaten, if he wants to go get food with him, or if he wants to be alone.

or 2, jean will stay very silent and still and try his hardest to steer clear of jeremy as to not attract any attention to himself. make himself small and avoid conflict. “if i don’t make any noise and i am a ghost, i can’t be hurt. if i do nothing wrong, i can covet this minuscule, yet fleeting comfort. my bones just healed, let me prolong this feeling.” maybe jean doesn’t want to even try to push jeremy. maybe he doesn’t speak for awhile after he arrives at scu, doesn’t want to say anything to incriminate riko or the ravens or the moriyamas; the blind, forced loyalty still ingrained into him. i can see him just observing his new surroundings. analyzing his new team, watching how they interact with one another, being stunned at the individualism that’s normal to these people. they don’t need to be paired at all times— the raven buddy system doesn’t exist here. i can see jean kind of paralyzed and overwhelmed at all the places he could go if he wanted to, but not leaving his dorm very often at all.

and i can see jeremy just wanting jean to be comfortable. he could either:

1, watch jean, learning how he moves, what makes him startle, what he does and doesn’t like based off his body language. i can see jeremy picking up quickly that the nest was a horrible place, just based off his interactions with the ravens on the court, but also from the press. being so deeply disturbed to see the aftermath of the nest in the way jean reacts to loud noises. how jean shuts down after a trojan claps him on the shoulder. i wonder if, after a winning game, jeremy will try to talk to jean about it and say, “you played so well, are you proud?” and jean replying, “i’m relieved.” and jean didn’t know the gravity of the truth he gave away, but jeremy understands. can read between the lines well enough to understand why jean is relieved. so jeremy says, “well, i’m proud of you.” and jean doesn’t look at him, but he’s a bit too expressive to hide his feelings, and he fidgets when he’s nervous, despite how desperately he tries to tamp down his feelings, because burying them is easier than letting them seep to the surface.

or 2, he could accept that jean is going to take a long time to come around, if at all, and not really bother with trying so hard. i could see jeremy treating jean like every other trojan, just without the touches and hugs, as they all learned quickly that jean hates being touched. he tries to include jean, always offers for him to tag along, to join them in doing whatever they’re going to do. he wants the best for jean, yeah, but he doesn’t give him any special treatment. and maybe that’s what could help jean come around, just a tiny bit. even just joining jeremy to the cafeteria for dinner. even just sitting in the living room to do work, rather than in the bedroom. maybe being treated like everyone else would be beneficial to jean, seeing jeremy model positivity and reflecting that treatment back onto jean. and of course jeremy would be proud if/when jean came around, but there’s no expectations, and maybe that’s what puts jean at something resembling ease. that nobody expects anything of him and here’s no pressure to be any type of way, and for once in his life he can figure out who he is and who he wants to become.

anyway, sorry for the essay. i have ample thoughts about aftg in general, but tsc has kind of been on my mind a lot :)

[wen-kexing-apologist]

Hi....If you don't mind, can I ask, what are your top 10 (or top 7) favorite media (can be books/ manga/ anime/movies/tv series)? Why do you love them? Sorry if you've answered this question before......Thanks....

Thank you for the Ask! Typically I find these questions difficult because I consume a lot of content and I love so many things dearly, and I inevitably forget about things that I cherish and then feel bad about it. So here are 10 of my favorite pieces of media I’ve pulled from my mental list of all the things in the world that have made an impact on me, I’m going to do these in alphabetical order

180 Degrees Longitude Passes Through Us 

I only saw this show recently but it is an absolutely gorgeous piece of media. I have a bit of a theater background and this show definitely reads like a stage play, in the dialogue, in the setting, in the way that Nike carries himself around the space as Inthawut. This is a perfect piece of media in my opinion. The performances are a masterclass in acting, the use of vertical lines that place barriers between the characters or that cage them in, the complicated dynamics between the characters, the throughlines of grief and pain and loneliness that just radiates out of the screen for every character in this story. I have been through some shit, let me tell you, but there was a ten second moment in the final episode of this show that sent me in to the worst emotional distress of my entire life for a totally innocuous, complete reasonable, and minimally tragic scene and for that it does deserve immense praise. 

Big Eden 

I am making up for forgetting to put Pike on my Favorite Characters list by remembering to put  Big Eden on my favorite media list! I saw Big Eden for the first time in my freshman year of college. Back then I was not aware of, or at leas was not acknowledging my own queerness, and to find a film like this one just healed a part of my soul I didn’t know was wounded. When I say I watched this film back to back two or three times when I first saw it, I mean that this is one of if not the only film that I have immediately started from the beginning the second that the credits started rolling. I love this film for what it gave me, an older queer romance, non-existent homophobia, PIKE! Some of the greatest lines of all time, that to this day get reactions out of me, mainly:

“I just want things to be nice for him” 

and

"Well, screw you, Henry Hart. I do know what love is. You are my family. And I'm sorry... I'm sorry if that's not good enough for you."

And

“Why can’t you see how much love there is that people want to pour on top of you? I can’t help thinking that your grandma and I didn’t do right by you somehow. I feel like maybe we taught you something wrong, because you won’t tell me who you are. Did we teach you shame? Did I teach you that? Because it would break my heart if I had,” (watch the scene here)

Don't let the stars go out at night, don't let the moon break your heart, indeed.

I Told Sunset About You and I Promised You The Moon

ITSAY/IPYTM is two parts of one continuous story and therefore counts as a single piece of media. 

I just got done gushing about this show the other night, because for me it is a foundational piece of queer media. It is one of my favorite pieces of media, point blank, period. Queer characters are allowed to complex, three-dimensional, and frustrating. They are allowed to make mistakes, and hurt the people they care about in their quest to better understand themselves. They are human. And the emotional honesty and vulnerability that the script and the actors showed struck deep in to my experiences figuring out my own identity. It has some of the strongest characterization that I have ever seen in media. The actors commit to the craft, the production team clearly put love and care in to every aspect of this show, every frame of it. The director trusted the audience to understand what was happening and trust the actors to play with silence. There is so much silence in this show because the actors portray so much with just the way they move around the space, the way they carry themselves, the way they look at each other. It is a gorgeous, gorgeous piece of media. It took me three watchthroughs of I Told Sunset About You before I was able to form a single analytical thought about it, because the first time I saw this show my brain went fuzzy. This show rewired my brain and changed my DNA. 

And as a side note, anyone that thinks that Billkin is a bad actor or a bad crier can kindly meet me outside the Denny’s parking lot at 3am because I will not stand for Billkin slander in my household. That man is absolutely demolished the role of Teh. The constant fidgeting, the way his whole body just screams out whatever he is feeling without him ever having to say a word. 

Moonlight Chicken 

I have talked numerous times about why this show remains my favorite, and a lot of that has to do with the community that I gained around me because of it. But stepping back to the piece itself, I love how much this show is really dedicated to the importance of community. To showing the different mindsets of three generations of queer people, the way they struggle and don’t. The conversations that happen around poverty, and disability, and grief. The way that Li Ming and Heart are screaming to be understood. The way Jim has been hurt too many times and how that makes him scared to start over with Wen. The way Aof was able to take this BL structure and transform it into the story whose primary focus is on how a queer elder keeps and cultivates a relationship with his queer nephew. Jim and Li Ming’s relationship is the focal point of this show and I am so grateful to have that. The acting is phenomenal, the lighting is incredible, and it is a very technically strong piece. I know that Aof tends to tell us sad gay stories, but by god am I in love with every single Aof show I have seen (GOBK(with Jojo), ATOTS, HCTM, BB, MLC)

Pushing Daisies

What a deeply deeply tragic story wrapped up in the shiniest paper! I will never get over the fact this show got canceled because it is one of the greatest of all time. I love that Lee Pace has acknowledged how queer this show is, and how intentional that was, even though it was not discussed at the time of its release. Like, fundamentally this is a show about a man named Ned and his partner Chuck who can never touch. I’ll talk about this a little later too, but I am just such a sucker for stories where people can’t touch each other. I love the angst in it, the wanting to, the need to be intimate, to comfort, to care for someone and just…not being able to hold them. I loved watching how Ned and Chuck navigated this issue, the kissing through plastic wrap, the dancing in beekeeper suits, them getting excited for winter cause it meant they could wear gloves and hold hands like any other couple. 

This show is hilarious and funny and fast, with a really intriguing concept and an extremely clear vision and it did not deserve the end it got. 

I heard it might be on HBO Max, not sure if that is still true, but if you can find you, and you haven’t seen it, you should absolutely watch it, and if you have seen it, this is your reminder to watch it again. 

Sense8

Before I begin, I just want to say 

FUCK

NETFLIX

Once again, another incredible show, with very interesting themes, and things to say was canceled before it’s time. I will die mad about the fact that Netflix did not give this show the room it deserved to tell the story THAT THEY PITCHED TO NETFLIX AS A FIVE SEASON ARC. This show was so good, it got my homophobic dad to watch the whole thing without even squirming at the gay sex (like he did when he watched Game of Thrones). 

I love love love love love this show. I love the way it connects people from all over the world, I love that these random strangers become a family, I love what it says about every day people being important, having important skills, and how much that can vary from being a good actor, knowing chemistry, driving, and being a skilled martial artist. I love how sex positive this show was. I love the utilization of orgies to demonstrate the way these characters are all connected to each other. I loved the mystery behind it all, they way the function of this psyllium network got progressively more understandable to us as time went on in much the same way that the characters get used to it. I love the humanization of drug users, that it touches on the struggles of trans people, queer people, eldest daughters, poor people, etc etc etc; ON BODY AUTONOMY IN MEDICINE!!! I truly believe there is something for everyone in this show and even though I am mad we really only got a two hour filmed storyboard of general concepts the Wachowski sisters were planning on diving in to over the next three seasons, I do love with my whole heart, for the memes, that Nom’s mother gets over her transphobia as a result of one very good weed brownie. 

Six of Crows and Crooked Kingdom

I got in to these books after seeing the first season of Shadow and Bone on Netflix. Full disclosure, I did not read the Shadow and Bone trilogy, I will not read the Shadow and Bone trilogy, I do not care about the Shadow and Bone trilogy. This is a Crows Only household. Six of Crows and Crooked Kingdom are very incredible heist books first of all. The main plot is compelling in and of itself, before you even add the characters in to it. And what phenomenal characters we have: Kaz, Inej, Jesper, Wylan, Matthias, NINA MY BELOVED. I’m glad they aged them up for the show, but it is very funny to me to think of a bunch of gremlin teenagers running around and taking down criminal empires for the sake of revenge...and coin. Leigh Bardugo is a disabled woman and I love that she gave Kaz her same disability because it means that we get a really authentic portrayal of disability. His cane is seen as important, he is never embarrassed by it, and his chronic pain is always highlighted. (can we also talk about how pissed Kaz was when Genya offered to fix his leg?). I love how contradictory he is, how much he loves Inej and wants to be with her, and wants to touch her, and the way his trauma and touch repulsion just constantly stops him from being physical able to do what he actually wants. Inej, who loves Kaz back, and sees the boy underneath the image of a monster he has crafted for himself, who has her own hang ups around touch and understands Kaz, but values herself enough to not pursue a relationship with him if he will not or cannot work on himself. Who grew claws with the knives she carries with her, who herself is a walking contradiction, deeply religious and also murderous, and so brave, and kind, and patient, and who I love with my whole heart. 

Wylan, whose own father tried to have him killed because he was dyslexic. Jesper who has been hiding who he is because of what his power did to his mother, who is always the comedic relief while harboring pain, our favorite gambling addict, ADHD, gunslinger. Matthais who has to confront a lifetime’s worth of propaganda. Nina who is just an all around badass motherfucker, who is fat and sexy and brilliant. My favorite superspy <3

The Fall (2006) dir. Tarsem Singh 

You really have to go looking for this film if you ever want to watch it, because it has almost entirely been wiped away, which sucks because it is one of my favorite movies. Why? 

Because it is one of, if not the most visually stunning piece of media I have ever seen. The plot for this film is a stuntman (played by Lee Pace) falls, is injured, and hospitalized at the same time as a 5-year-old Romanian immigrant who fell and broke her arm picking oranges. Roy (the stuntman) starts telling Alexandria (the little girl) a story, to manipulate her in to doing things for him, like spying on people and stealing pain meds. The movie cuts between real life, present day, and this grandiose epic tale that he is telling. This was 150% a passion project on Tarsem’s part, he spent 30 million of his own money making this movie, for it to only make 3 million in theaters upon it’s release. It took four years to film and was filmed in 24 different locations. 

I love the overarching story, and how the growing friendship Roy builds with this little girl literally saves his life. The cast of characters is certainly interesting, Charles Darwin is a character in Roy’s story, but by GOD is it just a great watch, hours of stunning cinematography, with incredible costumes. Would highly recommend watching this if you can find it. 

The Magnus Archives

I love this podcast for many reasons. First, because I think it was absolutely brilliant to start this show off as almost an anthology, lulling the audience in to a false sense of security by having each early episode be completely unrelated to one another, until they aren’t. Until names start popping up in multiple tales, until monsters and ghosts and any number of other unexplained creepy things start showing up in other people’s stories. How slowly you start to realize everything is connected and always has been. That set up was just…beautifully handled. Second, I love what this show says about survival and fear. That the more we believe in fear, the more powerful it gets. I love how often the survivors of these tales come out the other side of these experiences by thinking of people that are important to them, people they love. When The Buried tried to get that spelunker trapped in the cave, it was the thought of finding her sister, of getting help for her sister that got her through the other side. When Martin is in The Lonely, it is his thoughts of Jon that get him through the other side. I love that the avatar of Death is kind. I love that the Boneturner just wants to build a garden. I love the experiences and the world that Johnathan Simms builds in every story, and that he is able to create so many different types of fears, a little something for everyone. I love the heart at the center of this show. 

The Princess Bride

Again, another piece of media that is fast paced and full of quips, with a beautiful, ridiculous, hilarious story, and a solid emotional core. I was raised on this film, which is part of why I love it so much. You can see and feel how much fun the cast had making this film. To this day it is beloved, highly quotable, and poignant. Also a great fencing movie, but I’m biased on that end as a fencer myself. I don't have much more to say about this film because I think it is perfect and I have no notes, but I will say I love how much this film helped Mandy Patinkin process his own grief around the loss of his father.

[arece]

hey. I'm feeing in an angsty mood so what so you think John's funeral would be like? anyways love your writing 🤗

Bury You

♤ Summary: Reader takes John home. The masterlist

♤ a/n: I'm gonna be completely honest, I wrote this one like right away because I had some thoughts on it. But the formatting and posting on tumblr felt too daunting so I really am sorry this came so late! (1.2k)

⋯♤⋯♧⋯♢⋯

It had taken both Caine and Nobody to pry you from the death grip you held John with. Winston was barely holding it together himself, making arrangements on how to bring him home as a distraction.

You were nearly hysterical at the thought of having to part from him even for a moment.

You just got him back.

Nobody practically cradled you as you hyperventilated, clawing at his arms. Caine mournfully placed his jacket, covering John from your sight. 

You had been so calm in his last moments, giving him that final minute of peace, allowing him closure and forgiveness. Now everything that you’ve suppressed came out in a flooding mess of emotions.

It’s like you couldn’t stick to one, quickly switching from anger to utterly overwhelming grief. Just a few minutes ago he was talking to you, he was in your arms and breathing, telling you that you were everything to him. 

Now he’s dead.

The temptation to blame him dug its claws into you, anger was always easier than this gaping sadness. But no, deep down you knew why he did what he did no matter how much you hated that he did it. 

Quickly becoming drained you numbly starred at the body of the man who had been your everything for such a short amount of time. How cruel he was able to have that strong of an impact on you that quickly. 

Winston kneeled down to your eye-level but you merely blinked at him, practically seeing through him and to John. “It’s time to go home now.”

Your face contorted as you finally focused on him, “he was home.” Winston closed his eyes, almost like he needed a moment to collect himself.

“It’s time to bring him home.” You took a shaky breath, nodding softly to him. He grabbed onto your arm and with the help of Nobody, pulled you up. 

It was time to plan a funeral, something he never thought he’d receive let alone with love, thought, and care put into it. You walked over to John, the last time you’d actually see him before you’d have to bury him.

“I don’t think I can ever hate you, but I’m trying really hard to forgive you,” you delicately whispered as you pulled down Caine’s jacket to properly see him. “I know what you did for me and I won’t ruin that. Not after what I lost for it.” 

You were going to pretend for him.

⋯♤⋯♧⋯♢⋯

You were told that the Bowery King had Dog, something that made you slightly bitter. You wanted to go to John’s place to sort through his things but Winston had grabbed you by the arm, trying to prevent you from leaving.

“What is it, what are you hiding from me now?” You yanked your arm from his grip, eye nearly twitching from the rage culminating, you’ve had enough of Winston’s secret keeping.

Winston sighed, “it’s gone. Blown up by a member of The Table’s little fit.” You felt winded at the realization that another piece of John had been taken from you. A sick type of karma that was determined to take away any trace of him, to erase the Baba Yaga, erase John Wick. 

“I need to see it, Winston.” There was a part of you that held a naive inkling of hope, one that you knew would only crush you harder in the end. Maybe, just maybe, in the wreckage of dust and plaster there would still be something left, a piece of proof that there once was a time where it was just you and John. 

The five peaceful years you had together of bonding and healing, of growing together until it was cruelly ripped away. Reality had struck a match and burned down the little life you two had built together. 

It felt like a new type of sickness seeing the true wreckage of what once was your little safety net, your home. Yet, it still didn’t hold a light to the carnage it faced the night John lost you. To him it hadn’t truly been a home since then.

You walked through the piles of rubble attempting to place together where each room would be. From memory you make it to what used to be your room, still able to envision it vividly. You closed your eyes, allowing yourself a moment to truly encapsulate what used to be.

Your chest tightened at the thought of what used to sit on top of your nightstand, the only picture you’ve had of you and John. All of the evidence of the time you two dedicated to each other has been ripped away, leaving no trace. To the world there has been no John and you.

You should’ve stolen something when you were forced to leave. It was the one thing you were good at and you didn’t use it. If you had you’d still have a piece of him left.

⋯♤⋯♧⋯♢⋯

John used to tell you that his Helen was his everlasting sun, the one thing that could shine brighter than the darkest depths of his haunting past. It only felt fitting to have his funeral set unconventionally early. It allowed for him to rise with the sun, with her.

You didn’t have it in you to move from your spot right at the front. You didn’t hold a ceremony, bitterly you wouldn’t know who to invite. It took his death for you to realize how truly little you were involved in the underground area of his life. 

You just stood and stared, no conversation needed to be imagined because you two were never really good with words. In your peripheral you watched as people you’ve never seen before came to say their goodbyes to John, paying you no mind.

The only time you broke your train of focus was to reunite with Dog. It was the first moment of genuine joy you’ve felt since you’ve lost John. It’s been two years since you’ve been separated from her and it was soothing to be able to hold her again after so long.

She curled up at your feet just like she used to, joining you in your mourning. Bowery King stood back to not interrupt. All minor peace was ruined with Winston’s gentle hand being placed on your shoulder.

He dragged you back to reality and suddenly it didn’t feel like something you could wake up from anymore. “He decided I was worth dying for… what if he made the wrong choice?”

It was hard to feel like you held an important part of his life when at his funeral you were the stranger that no one knew of. Someone he had so easily given up on. 

Winston’s grip on your shoulder tightened. “Johnathan has made a lot of mistakes in his life. Many.” Your eyebrows furrowed with effort as you tried to focus on the gravestone past the tears blurring your vision. “But acting as your father was never one of them.”

“That’s why his grave is marked with that.” He points to the head stone; Loving husband and father. “You were all he ever needed.”

You wish he was here to wrap you up in the safety of his jacket like he had before. “I’ve never had someone to miss this much before.”

⋯♤⋯♧⋯♢⋯

taglist: @khaleesihavilliard @ihatemyselfmorethanmydepression @tamnight @hesvoid34 @scarletmeii @romanreignsluver1 @wi1steria @not-a-big-slay @howlerwolfmax @mizzy-pop @sarapaprikas-blog @angrykitsune01 @commanderfreethatdust @wisepizzatart

[m0r1bund]

No, you are right. I lied to you. I was not birthed, but expelled, like a malignant tumor being cut out of a body. The Tree deposited me here with her furthest root. I crawled out of the dirt and into the desert, alone.

When the Court finally found me, they said that they had created me, that they had finally inoculated the Tree with their nightmares. But I believe they were merely taking credit for what was a natural immune response—that is, ridding her body of trauma— in order to groom me.

Nonetheless I carry it inside of me. I am called every day by morbid visions that are mine, but which do not belong to me. The Court wants to use me to sow anguish and heartbreak among their kin, and the Wardens want me dead. Some believe this is why I was really created, so that this immortal and intangible evil could be made into something mortal and tangible… Something that could be killed.

But you are already familiar with such things, no, dragonslayer?

Why are you really here? Did the Pact send you? The Wardens? The Tree herself? Because I cannot imagine why someone like you would come to meet someone like me, except to do their dirty work.

◆◆◆

The Lastborn is a sylvari(?) pariah who mostly keeps to himself and fucks around in the desert. He is dry (pun intended) and emotionally austere, but insightful. People typically get a selfish and callous vibe over a thoughtful vibe, though, because of his rigid commitment to isolation and nonintervention. In truth, he feels that he must “go it alone” to protect himself and those around him.

Everyone knows that something went wrong during his creation… or maybe something went wrong long, long before his creation, and he was just collateral. Either way, the Lastborn emerged from the Pale Tree less like a daughter sprout and more like a root parasite. The Dream that he was fed is completely unrecognizable to most of his peers, a fever dream of great sadness, fear, and pain. The Court considers him to be the first son raised from their Nightmare, and whether or not this is actually true, this narrative has been compelling enough to estrange him from the Tree and the rest of her children. His apparent abandonment—coupled with his induction into the Court during his formative years—is the ultimate condemnation in the minds of his peers.

Worse still, he feels his Wyld Hunt calling him to return to these morbid memories, the way you might pick and scratch at a wound that won’t heal. The possibility that he’ll be called to do something terrible has frightened him into living in isolation—or at least, that’s what he tells those who have the grace to ask first, instead of attacking him on sight. Really, he’s a hermit by choice as much as he is by circumstances outside of his control. He’s not as desperate for belonging as he used to be, and it’s been years since he made his quiet exit from the Court… Though he’ll probably never be out of the shadow of (indicates generally) whatever that was.

Other schtuff:

Not in touch with the Dream, but constantly receives Visions And Nightmares against his will. You could probably consider him an oracle, but only for worst case scenarios, intrusive thoughts, and terrible ideas. And he can’t even tell you if they’re actually going to happen or not.

Not outwardly hung up about being estranged from the Pale Tree and her kids, but maybe a little bit on the inside. Un poquito. I think the two of them reach an understanding later that she did All That to try and protect him (for better or worse.)

Unsure if he emerged with a name or not. If he did, he has never spoken it to others. “The Lastborn” (sometimes “Lostborn”) is an epithet bestowed on him in lieu of a true name. Later on he learns from his friends that you can give yourself a name, or ask other people to name you, and you can change it as many times as you want, and he goes appropriately ham.

Ofc not actually a lastborn (others have come after him, albeit in a more normal way.) but my lot in life is that every couple of years I recreate the last firstborn

⠀

I just think it’s funny if the Court did all these awful things and put all this effort into making a fucked up and eeeevil treebaby. But in the end you fucked up a perfectly good sylvari is what you did. Look at him. He has anxiety.

[callsign-rogueone]

Can you give us the director’s cut for Conscription Day with Aaric and Sunny? There’s not nearly enough content out there for our favorite little princeling, and I’d love to hear your thoughts!

-fw-gt

absolutely I can!! you know how obsessed I am with them rn. I’ve been working on their later chapters a lot, really getting into the drama… ugh they’re so healing to write. my future king and queen 💗

It persists through the handful of boring patriotic speeches about the commitment you’ve made to your country, which go in one ear and out the other. You know why you’re here. You don’t need to be given any other reasons.

with unmarked characters, I feel the need to give them motivation for joining up that isn’t just squarely patriotic, since Navarre is pretty corrupt lmao. Peach is here because she wants to help people by being a healer and because it’s a way to get a more stable comfortable life than being a farmer’s daughter — I imagine it similar to the US where you can get free medical school if you work as a military doctor for X amount of years. and then Sunny… she’s running away just as much as Aaric is, but she’s also looking for something here. that’s all you get for now.

Maybe you’re a little bit alike in that regard; not in your level of preparation — you’re definitely the least-armed person in the squad, and likely in the entire quadrant, with one knife at each hip and absolutely nothing else, as that was all you’d been able to afford before you left for Basgiath — but in the way you present yourselves to the rest of the world, focusing on figuring everyone else out and keeping quiet, not sharing much.

love me some comparing and contrasting! I’ve already told y’all that Sunny is going to be his complete opposite, not in terms of personality, but in status and upbringing. she was poor as a kid, and still is poor as a young adult, and therefore is basically completely disenfranchised and powerless. especially compared to a prince. BUT they’re both nervous little bbs on day one, Sunny because she’s not sure she’ll make it, and Aaric because he’s a trying to not be found out. and so is she… no I will not elaborate at this time.

One of the wingleaders, the only girl of the four, shouts something you can’t distinguish, and then there’s a chorus of screams as the orange unhinges its massive jaw, spewing red flame upon the formation. A girl across the courtyard springs into action, leaping in front of her wing with her palms outstretched, making some kind of invisible shield over herself and the group of students behind her that deflects the fire. and All of Second Wing seems intact, having been protected by the girl who had put up the air shield. She looks a little unsteady on her feet, but otherwise unharmed — it must have taken a lot of energy to do something like that.

some people already guessed, but this is darling and love btw!! wingleader Laurent and section leader Callwell. they’re going to be running second wing with efficiency and grace and a healthy amount of mom energy. and maybe expect a little moment between Dain and Love after this, him checking on her and being a protective little secret bf 🥺

The boy you’d been watching locks eyes with you, and then you’re on the ground underneath him in a matter of seconds, wrapped up in each other; chest to chest, his hands braced against the gravel on either side of your head, one leg between yours, your faces less than three inches apart.

in the book, bb prince uses himself as a human shield over some random girl. what a guy. ngl I kinda swooned when I read that. something about a prince putting others before himself… idk. anyway I kinda just replaced that girl with sunny hsjsb but this was also an opportunity to get them close. neither of them were making eye contact, until now, when they’re close enough to kiss. they won’t be kissing for quite a while, though. this is going to be my attempt at a slow-burn.

The intimacy, the implications of this position you’re in with a total stranger, a man you’ve never met, and an armed one, at that, should make your skin crawl, should make you want to kick and scratch to get him off of you, but you stay in place, under the safety of his armored shoulders, because it’s clear that he doesn’t want to hurt you, or to assert his power over you — but to protect you.

I guess this is your first warning (of several more to come) that Sunny’s backstory is going to be a little dark?? I’m not going to write her past out in detail, but there’s going to be some implications of bad things that are up for interpretation by each reader, but ultimately lead to her being wary of men and strangers in general. Aaric is going to have to prove his mettle, that he’s not a bad guy. like socializing a feral cat. and that slow process started today. she’s already getting a vibe that he’s a safe person, but all bets are off in this environment where it’s kill or be killed.

He reaches forward to brush the dirt from your hair, tucking a loosened strand behind your ear. Your heart has never beat this fast in your life. You’ve never been touched this gently, never seen such a deep look of concern in a man’s eyes, that gorgeous shade of green looking down at you…  You realize that he’s still holding your hand — rather, you’re still holding his. You let go quickly, your cheeks warming with embarrassment. 

see above. + there’s some magnetism there, some mutual attraction, and the beginning of Aaric realizing that he wants to protect this girl with his life. Sunny has never felt like this before, and probably isn’t even sure what this feeling is, but she knows deep down that it isn’t bad, that he isn’t bad — she doesn’t realize that she’s still holding him because it feels safe and natural, even if those feelings are new and unusual to her.

First Wing was far enough away to be unscathed, but Third Wing, and the squad beside yours… if you had been placed anywhere else, there would have been a reasonable chance that you’d have been burnt alive.

luck, fate, or divine intervention, whatever you want to call it, is going to play a considerable role in her life and her time at Basgiath. you might notice in later chapters, a certain other girlfriend’s prayers are always answered — but Sunny doesn’t even have to ask. that’s all I’ll say here.

You step back into place at the back of the block, between your hero and a blonde girl who looks like she regrets eating breakfast this morning. “Deep breaths,” you whisper to her. “In through your nose, out through your mouth, like you’re blowing bubbles. and The boy is right — the three of you should look out for each other, if you want to make it out of here alive.

if this wasn’t clear, this is Sloane!! her and Aaric (and kinda Visia too but she’s less important) are gonna be Sunny’s gang, much like Ridoc and Sawyer and Rhi are Violet’s. and she still doesn’t know Aaric’s name here, or Sloane’s, but she’s already starting to get the feeling that they’re safe (not going to turn on her) and that they need to stick together.

plus a sneaky peekie because I cannot resist:

You give him a warm smile, grabbing one yourself along with a short knife. “You’re digging in too hard, and taking the meat along with it. You need to hold it more flat, and scrape, to take off just the skin. Like that.”

the boy can fight, and he’s well-read and knows fancy etiquette and all that… but he’s missing several normal-people-life-skills. baby prince cannot peel a potato to save his life. Sunny won’t judge him for it though. and he won’t judge her for not knowing certain things either.

+ some hints in the form of emoji:

💙🧡👑🎶🍓🩹👻🍀

okay I need to stop now. I’m giving it all away. but more of them soon!! they’re gonna be my next gf chapter because I luv them. and because once I finish ch 2, ch 3-4 are basically ready to go already hehe

[girlgenius1111]

You said you like to keep these things in your asks to read them again - figured it’s the least I can do to try and show how much I appreciate your writing! I apologize in advance for the absolutely excessive length of this, but I’m not well know for my brevity, unfortunately.

Solstrale being so excited at IKEA - my HEART! Mapi is giving such golden retriever energy in the store I am obsessed. Solstrale starting to tear up in the store and yet Ingrid being so gentle and kind, this is simply everything this girl deserves and more. THE SUN MAP MUG? UR AN EVIL GENUIS I LOVE YOU (pun absolutely intended)

“Mapi was just happy to be there” had me giggling as I sat in bed.

“You weren’t…loveable” oh but baby you so are, and you never had to do anything to be deserving of that love. None of us do.

Your ability to write these little splashes of humor in serious moments is just…wistfully wonderful. Your ability to write golden retriever Mapi? God tier.

THE TWENTY THREE TATTOO?! Punch in the mf gut I must admit

I must say I wholeheartedly say that I sympathize with Ingrid’s inability to be chill in any situation. Her tumbling into the room asking about the tattoo is cracking me up lol.

The dichotomy of emotion between Ingrid and her sister, Mapi and Solstrale, and Mapi and Ingrid flows so well and is executed perfectly. I’m in complete and utter awe, in the most complete sense of the words! It just ebbs and flows so perfectly

ABSTINENCE IS KEY IM WHEEZING 😭

“You cried yourself to sleep that night, quietly muffling your sobs in your pillow. It was a sadness that plagued you, mixed with hope. Your parents didn’t love you, you were pretty sure of that. But it seemed like, maybe, Ingrid did.” This is gorgeous. Painful, and yet so so hopeful at the same time. The balance of heartbreak and softness is wonderful.

The phone call 💔 The call backs to Mapis experience with the Spanish camps is such a perfect comparison.

“I am never letting that woman near Solstråle again. I don’t care what I have to do. She’s been hurt enough. I won’t let her be hurt anymore.” INGRID FINALLY FUCKING GETS IT PRAISE THE LORD!

“Of course healing isn’t linear” Judas Priest I am genuinely sitting in bed with tears in my fucking eyes.

Okay their father showing up wasn’t at all what I was expecting but I am sat. Oh god…not Solstrale coming in at the worst time PLEASE GOD NO 😭

“You didn’t mean you wanted them to let you go back to Norway. You wanted them to let you go. The tension in the air thickened at this, as both of them realized what you meant.” This poor GIRL. Mapi swearing on fucking INGRID sent me into the stratosphere…oh how much they love her.

“And maybe it was also the desperation inside yourself, too,  and the ache in your heart that you knew you didn’t need to carry anymore.” No words. All I do is fucking write and I have no words to adequately describe how much perfection exists in this one sentence.

Whew. I truly can’t quite put into words how genuinely perfect this is. To reach the level of heartbreak and emotion that you do is just something phenomenal. It’s something special. How you find the moments of light and mix it with those of the dark, all at the same time. You have this most wonderful gift of being able to portray human emotion in such a raw, real way and I am so endlessly grateful that you choose to share it in this little corner of the internet with us. I’ve adored this series and how you’ve crafted these three and their little household, and will always be sat for any future stories you write about these two - or anyone else for that matter.

Thank you so so much for writing this. Dealing with some of my own personal issues with my own mother and reading this is just…its heartbreak and it’s healing all at the same time.

And ofc, thank you to Bailey as well! Who are we without the planners and helpers in our lives - I think I’d lose my head if summer-princess didn’t remind me where I put it sometimes haha!

i am… speechless?

i want to print this comment out, frame it, and put it up in my room. tattoo it onto my body.

it’s crazy to me how comments on my writing can be so eloquent and beautiful, but you always somehow manage to do that.

seriously i read this with the biggest smile on my face.

it means so, so, SO much to me that not only do you read my work… and enjoy it… you have such strong feelings about it. it blows my mind in the best way.

anyway. going to read this everyday for the rest of my life. i appreciate and love you very much.

[anotherfloridaman]

Somewhere, beyond the sea~ pt 2

Part 1 is here

#################################

In the classroom, Iruma looks at the sheet of paper in front of him. Reading every letter, knowing every syllable, but the question itself is what throws him to the ground.

“When is the velocity of flight to outweigh the condition of elemental mana as fire, if the defensive has only healing mana?”

Worse yet…

He needs to explain it instead of multiple choice.

“Iruma-sama, are you feeling well? You look pale.”

“Oh yeah, im fi—” “You didnt eat enough in the morning, did you?! I knew we should have gotten more trays! Those idiot chefs have no clue who they are supposed to be feeding! Dont fret, for i, Ausmodeus Alice, will begin making your morning feast at exactly 0:06 hours every day!”

At the commotion, Clara joined in. “I wanna help Irumachi too! Im gonna make all KINDS of delicious yum yum bake cake treats for Irumakins!” Ausmodius sighed and Iruma just laughed, trying to tell them he was fine, in reality, he was worried about his grandfather and the way everything will play out sooner rather than later.

A few minutes go by, and Grandpa appeared at the door of the royal one, with Ifrit and Marbas in tow. “Kalego-kun!!!!! I need a word with you for just a few minutes, please!!!” The dog couldn’t say no to him, but he could have a sour face. So he followed and grumbled about how the old fool was interrupting his class.

Marbas and Ifrit just walked around, watching over the kids and joining in on a couple conversations over the time they spent there. It was a half an hour before someone(Clara)asked where Edgy-teach was.

And when the last letter left her mouth, two figures entered the royal one. One had shoulder length, unruly hair, with curls and waves at random, wrinkles all over his teacher uniform. The other had long, knee length hair, straight as a pencil, and neat clothes. Iruma saw two things that almost solidified who they were.

One; they had dark purple hair.

Two; both had the little horns of hair that Kalego has all but trademarked.

The neat one speaks first. “Alright, you both can go back to your classrooms, this room and these students will be secured with us.” He states while fixing the cuff of his sleeve.

“Hey there! You are..?” Marbas tries to question, and Ifrit, not knowing either of them, squares his shoulders and tenses his legs, Waiting for some kind of fight.

“I am Narnia, your dog’s brother. And this is our uncle, Lord Sullivan and Dantallion-san know him.”

After a quick check in with Sullivan trough the telepathic link, and confirmation of these plans, the teacher’s leave with a parting gift of wisdom. “These kids get hurt, you will die.” And the classroom is left in silence.

Narnia and his uncle take what seems to be practiced steps to opposite sides of the room. The elder dog goes to a bay window and sits, leaning against the wall and glass. The brother, steps behind Kalego’s desk and picks up papers, reading over their teacher’s notes.

“Uhh, hey, maybe you don’t mess with Kalego-sensei’s things? He might not be too happy with that.” Lied, poor poor Lied speaks. Narnia’s eyes snap towards the boy in question, and a slight smirk takes the new dog’s thin lips, a knowing glint in his eyes. Lied almost shrank in his seat, toes curling inside of his shoes, and nails digging into the palm of his hands, almost regretting speaking up.

“It’s alright Lied, he won’t mind if it’s me, Kalego and i have similar taste in organization.” The look turns a little playful towards the end, and Lied is able to take a breath of relief…

Then Clara speaks up again. Great.

“Hey not teacher! How did you know Liedy-kun’s name?” She almost screams across the campus. The dog in the back of the room begins howling with laughter, almost completely on the floor with how his body shakes on the window. “NOT EVEN FIVE MINUTES!”

“Uncle, please dont laugh. Kalego will literally never talk to me again.” High pitched wheezing leaves the dog’s throat, then a cough. And sudden silence.

“Before walking in, i took the liberty to scavenge through the school records, and therefore, teacher’s homeroom classes. That’s how i know all of your names.” Narnia manages to wring out an explanation easy enough, until the lazy dog on the window opens his mouth.

“Kalego brags about all of you the first chance he gets, every chance he gets.” Was a sudden burst of information from the back of the room.

Silence.

“THAT MAN DOES EVERYTHING EXCEPT BRAG ABOUT US!” “I CANT BELIEVE YOU!!” “THIS GUY’S LYING, I BET HES NOT EVEN SENSEI’S BROTHER!!”

Jazz, Lied, and Camui, all screaming over each other as the class burts with life in disbelief or pure joy. Some were a mixture of both. Sabnock just laughed like he was plotting murder and going to frame someone else.

One solid “Enough.” And the class just froze. After a second, they got back to their seats and stayed. The worst part was, he said it like it was a request, but the mana flooding from him said differently. If Iruma felt the shivers, then what did the actual demon children feel?

Whoever these people are, they’re more of a threat to Iruma’s humanity than this school ever will be.

The boy’s eyes lock with Narnia’s, and The man closes his hand into a fist at his side. Both have the same thought. ‘This one is a problem.’

[emsuemsu]

@hprecfest day 6: an unreliable narrator

Now I might be a bit simple at times but I don't know what the hell is an unreliable narrator. Yes, I googled it, I fucking re-read Lolita in preparation for this prompt because google said it was the best example of an unreliable narrator blah blah blah and I still don't get it. One answer that google also gave me was "an unreliable narrator can be defined as any narrator who misleads readers, either deliberately or unwittingly." ??? Listen bestie, I am constantly mislead and bamboozled by everything I ever read?? Anyways, that was my rant, went through my little ficcy-fic list and these were tagged as "unreliable narrator" and I enjoyed them oh so much:

Misery Loves Company by Snowy1138 🩵 22,886 words, draco/harry

Stuck in his own head, misunderstood and lonely, Harry would love nothing more than to stay hidden in Grimmauld Place until the end of time. Malfoy won’t let him, and that's just what Harry needs.

Beautiful, absolutely beautiful. I'm sobbing. I love certified sad boy fics, and this is such a captivating story. I feel that this fic deals with mental health issues and ptsd in a very realistic way at least to me, hits pretty close to home. One comment said "It's good to realize that a person can make you better, but cannot heal you." and this is so fucking true.

Reverse Reboot Reunion by @sofyachy 🩵 13,232 words, draco/harry

Draco is haunted by the ghost of Crabbe, who has gotten bored with the afterlife and wants Draco to do something about it. If that weren’t bad enough, he’s also confronted with reminders to attend his 24-Year Hogwarts Reunion and a prophecy regarding his love life. On a completely unrelated note, he really needs to stop banging his head on things.

For the love of all good, if there is one fic you read this week, this month, this year, make sure it's this one. This is undoubtedly the funniest thing I've read in a while, it's so so so good. The world building is subtle but rich, the characterization is unbelievable, I love the unhinged ghosts of the story. Again, run, don't walk. I love this.

With A Whiskey Chaser by @vdoshu 🩵 3,576 words, regulus/sirius

They say that a person’s Animagus form can impart behaviours. Impulses. Maybe that’s why Sirius has always chased. He’d chased after Peter. He’s chasing the bottom of the bottle. And soon, he’ll chase the ghost of his brother’s memory.

I can taste the pain from this lovely fic. It's serving heartbreak packed in 3k, every word like a new knife blunged into my chest. Absolutely gorgeous and that ending 🤌 emotional damage

[ordonianhero]

Is Twilight really okay?

So I see tons of folks bring up how they are feeling sus out by if twilight is truly okay

No. He’s not okay, yet.

Warning: discussion of illnesses and injuries.

I get why folks are quick to be Sus of how twilight is. I will sort of explain this the best way I can. Using my own personal experience of what going okay. But note I am not invalidating anyone feelings on their thoughts of twilight and his finally seeming to be recovered.

I can say, I think he was given as much healing as they can provide him. He is not fully 100%. He probably got enough healing he can get. Over time it will heal more. However he is most likely poisoned by dink’s blade. But his wound will never truly heal. He will suffer from it till he last days. Something a lot like what Happened to Frodo in the Fellowship of the Ring. In the end Frodo does die once their task was completed and evil was banished from the land. I suspect this how it will got for Twilight.

More on a personal level, I suffer from chronic pancreatitis*. So I sympathize with how Twilight must be feeling. The aches and pains are unimaginable. However I kept going. Weakness can be strengthened slowly at my own pace. Which what he will have to do. You don’t just drink a potion, get heal with a life spell and can be spring chicken. It takes time. As we can see. There will be a struggle and frustration at every corner cause you want to not be a burden to anyone and be able to function the way you use too. The trauma of it will over time heal as well. He will have to relearn to do things. He won’t be able to fight the way he has done. Rest and recovery is a must. Not pushing too hard. Twilight and Time being related- they both share a stubbornness. So emotionally he will lash out a bit (or not). So I sort of get how Twilight must and will feel.

I know people are quick to be like “angst, angst, angst.” But I think people don’t understand there’s something much deeper to a wound that won’t fully heal, but heals enough. It will be a chronic thing for him. Could he maybe get turned into a puppet for dink and turn on the chain. Maybe, but let’s be more logical and see it as he just won’t be fully healed. However he will continue to fight till their adventure ends and dink is defeated properly. So you are all valid in not trusting him being okay. It just may not be how angsty as you think. Just simply he will never be 100% and that now his struggle will be to learn to handle is medical situation and work around what he can and can not do any longer.

He will still be a down tight magnificent fighter, good hearted gent he is. How just now in a new phase in his situation where he will have to come to terms with his limitations. Which mentally is often hard to come to terms with. For me, I can’t eat a lot of my favorite stuff and knowing when I need to take it easy. Something along those lines. It’s an emotional, physical and mental journey. Which we will be watching as the comic progresses.

That’s my take on how he is and what we will expect as the comic progresses. More then welcome to disagree and think more into things. This just my own view of where things may go.

[* Chronic pancreatitis is similar to acute, but in this case, the inflammation is long-term and won’t get any better. In fact, over time, it tends to get worse and lead to permanent damage.

Chronic pancreatitis will often develop after an episode of acute pancreatitis has already occurred.

]

[bonniebbunz]

So, for context, I fucking LOVE Undertale. I am a firm believer that everyone should experience it at some point, it is a life-changing game.

That being said, let me get into a gripe I have about the gameplay aspect of the game, something I’ve affectionately dubbed:

The ATK Problem

Aka. Why Pacifist is, mechanically, the WORST route in Undertale.

Undertale’s whole gimmick is that nobody has to die. You can get through the entire game without killing a monster.

So, presuming you’re following this wildly advertised gimmick and don’t want to kill a monster, what is the benefit of improving your attack stat?

“Well, to fight Asgore, right? He can’t be spared, and ACTing eventually stops working.” Yes! And no! Asgore DOES alleviate this problem by making you fight! But if you’re playing True Pacifist, you wouldn’t need to fight him at all. So, back to my point, what’s the benefit improving your attack?

“To spare monsters, maybe? If your attack stat is high enough, monsters will spare you if their HP gets too low.” Yes again! And no again! If you’re doing pacifist, especially on your first playthrough, you’re not going to be FIGHTing monsters anyway, for fear of killing them. And even then, there’s the Bandage. It’s your starting item, and any speedrunner knows that while you’re wearing it, you can always flee from monsters, which is infinitely quicker than sparing. So once again, I ask: why increase your attack?

And I’ll give you the answer: you don’t. If you’re playing pacifist and sparing every monster, if the weapon doesn’t have a viable passive effect, then it’s no better than the stick. In neutral or genocide, you have to make a choice: do I want the high damage of the Ballet Shoes? Or would I prefer the increased invincibility frames that the Torn Notebook gives me? In pacifist, you choose the notebook every time. The healing effect and easier-to-time Burnt Pan, or the high-difficulty-high-damage Empty Gun? In pacifist, only the passive of the pan matters. It hinders the gameplay part of the gameplay by inadvertently offering the player less choices. Deltarune has a similar problem: do you want the high-damage Mecha Saber, or the defense-increasing Rubber Sword? In pacifist, the Rubber Sword is always the correct choice, and is better than any other weapon that can be offered.

Let’s divert to an Undertale fangame now, and debatably my favorite Undertale or Deltarune fangame, Deltatraveler. In this game, chapter bosses are mandatory to fight, and give you an option to spare them after for the true pacifists among us. This completely fixes the attack problem. Now, you have to choose: do I want the Toy Knife, or the Cracked Bat, for more damage but being harder to use? I could buff Noelle’s attack by giving her a weapon, but she won’t be able to cast her ice spells for that damage. Maybe I should take the best of both words and give her the Permacicle, so she has a noticeable physical attack without terribly hindering her magic? It gives the player so many more options while still allowing them to spare the monster at the end if they’re against violence, improving the overall experience.

So, how do we fix this in Undertale without changing the game too much? Simple. Toriel, Papyrus, and Undyne cannot be spared. They must be beaten through violence.

Toriel would probably have to do something other than missing you when your HP gets low, like she could see you’re not doing well and usher you back upstairs to bed without the player able to do anything, sorta like Papyrus. Once she’s defeated, you can let her talk like normal to spare her, or attack her at any point for the kill. Papyrus is pretty much the same as normal: he goes into his “stalemate” speech when you defeat him, and you can spare or kill like normal. Undyne could damn you when she falls, but as you spare her, she can get back up and you’ll automatically run instead of doing it manually, happening each time she re-engages and you spare again. Mettaton, I feel, wouldn’t need this, due to his ratings mechanic. You would still be presented with the choice to kill or spare at the end of his fight where all his limbs are gone, as he dramatically begs you to show some MERCY. If you do, he comments that “maybe humanity isn’t as bad as we monsters have made it out to be,” which could also give reason why the monsters would come help you near the end of true pacifist, even if you just ran: their idol gave them all that hope.

Does this problem ruin Undertale? God, no. Undertale was never about the gameplay to that much of an extent. Undertale was always about the heart, the dialogue and the charming characters. The battles are fun too, and an essential part of the game, but I feel that a few changes to avoid the attack problem could’ve made it that much more fun.

[cypanache]

Cy's 2023 Fic Replay - Track 9

I am very sorry, but this is continuing ...

track 9: Let's Hurt Tonight - One Republic

I'm pretty sure I found this song just this year through Spotify and from the moment I did it went to the top of the playlist for the modern obidala 'padme lives' AU that I've been working on off and on for the past year.

fic: wires

[obidala, anidala | modern-au | padme lives]

This fic has lived in my head for almost as long as Unintended has. I mean honestly, are you really an obidala author if you don't have at least one 'padme lives' au swimming around in your head? And while I adore all the gentle domestic 'obidala helping each other heal after Anakin' AUs, this is not that. After watching OWK, I really really wanted to just let them swim around in that mutual self-hatred for awhile. So Wires is where I get to do that

Which is probably why this song fits so well. Because really could anything say more clearly "I enjoy watching two characters I care deeply about tear great gaping chunks out of each other" more than this song. Particularly this part:

I'll hit the lights and you lock the doors Tell me all of the things that you couldn't before Don't walk away, don't roll your eyes They say love is pain, well darling, let's hurt tonight

I worked on it quite a bit for PadMay, and it expanded out into a non-linear character exploration of Padme and her relationship with both Anakin and Obi-Wan. And while I haven't managed to finish it, it's got some wonderfully dark and raw bits that I can't help but want to share, so indulge me:

SPOILER WARNING

“I am not testifying against Anakin.  I told you that.” “No one’s asking you to.  My testimony should be enough for them to–”  “To what?  Lock him up?  Let him rot in prison?  You know what things would be like for him in there.  Is that really what you want?” “He’s dangerous, Padme.  His being in a wheelchair doesn’t change that.” “Says the man who put him there.  What are you trying to do?  Finish the job?” He jerks his head away.   Padme falls back against the bed. “Maybe we should talk about this when you’ve gotten some sleep.” Like that’s going to happen.  “Why?  I’m not going to be any less of a bitch about it then.” “Then maybe we should talk when I’ve gotten some sleep.” Of course.  This is how all their other fights end.  She says something completely unforgivable, and he…doesn’t.  Either retreating or calling a truce for the kids or distracting her in other ways he finds effective, but never never actually returning fire.  And she knows that control, that ability to keep himself distanced enough, detached enough to never let his emotions get the better of him, is what kept him alive for all those years undercover.  But god if she doesn’t hate it.   Just once she wishes he would fight back.  Just say it.  All of it.  Every why didn’t you and you should have and this is your fault  she knows he’s been carrying around in his back pockets. She knows they’re there.  She can see in his eyes, feel it in his touch.  She doesn’t understand why he won’t just say it.  What’s holding him back.  If he would just say it, just blame her, accuse her, something, anything, then she could at least mount some kind of defense, build a case, explain herself.  But if once, just once, he would fight back, beat her up a little, then maybe she could finally stop doing it to herself. Padme stares up at the ceiling and doesn’t say anything. Obi-Wan turns to go. “I’ll never forgive you.  If you do this, I’ll never forgive you for it.” He stops, back still turned.  “I’m not asking you to.” No.  No he’s not.  He never has.  As if he knows she used up all her forgiveness on Anakin ages ago, and doesn’t have any left.  For either of them.